A few points of order as The 'Stachebagger gears up for Monday's HCwDB of the Week.

This weekend, when I lose the hangover, I'll be moving Bucky's Kathy Hott to her well earned place in the Hall of Hott, and bumping Cheeto Man straight to the Closet of Poo.

Both have earned it through hard work, academic study, and lots of Red Bull.

Here's your Friday Links:

This Ed Hardy Recipe Card is pretty accurate.

What recession? The Hamptonsbags are still partying.

Darwin at work.

"In my vagina two times he bites me!" But his teeths are very small.

My book is a guilty pleasure on Planet Tralfamador.

The HCwDB Wedding Ceremony? I actually think it was pretty hilarious. Here's a Nottadouche and may it last more than five years (although I'm taking the under).

Facebag.

No matter what level of cool I achieve in life, I will never be Steve Buscemi in "New York Stories."

And because I care deeply for your mental health after so many unholy hottie/scrotey couplings, here ya go, award winning Ass Pear.

Sail on silver girl.

Your humble narrator is pensive on this foggy Friday morn.

Maybe it was too many bottles of Thunderbird last night, as I wandered delirious and confused after an angry philosophical debate with a mongoose who favored Nietzsche over Kinky Friedman. Stupid mongoose.

Maybe it was that extra package of Hostess Fruit Pie that I knew I should skip, but which called to me at 2am with its processed imitation fruit fruity goodness.

But this morning, after I milked the alpacas, fondled the goats and fed the gila monsters I'm raising for pelt, I had to wonder.

Is the silly cartoon belt buckle the new signifier of cartoonish transformation of masculinity? Do doofy skullz create "post-human?"

In the age of the Hardy Plague, is it the simple adornment of this new form of "crotch signifier" that communicates the power of the masculine ass pear fondlage?

I know not.

So I chaw some more original bubble gum flavor "Big League Chew." For that always helps my ruminations coagulate.

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Hey DB1,

I live in Vancouver which is sometimes referred to as "hollywood north" so while Van isn't the douche epicenter that LA is, we do get our fair share.

I cant help but notice that, along with ed hardy/affliction/true religion jeans/etc many douchescrotes are fond of the man purse or "murse". Basically a fanny pack wrapped around your torso that costs $800.

This falls right into line, along with manscaping, guyliner, tight-ass ts, piercings and accessorizing traits that the douche manifests.

Do you concur that "Murse" equals autodouche???

-- Joe DoucheBaggio.
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Q.E.D. good sir. Quod Erat Douchemonstrandum.

Well argued, and we will add the Murse to the list of douchetributes to be tracked as we prep for the impending Ed Hardy Scrotocalypse in 2010.

Nintendo time, kids,
"Super 'Baggio's World: Poo,"
Princess Peach, jump high!

Vatican reveals
Nun and Priest makeover show
Brought by Ed Hardy

-- Jean Claude Van Douche

Frosted tipped douchebag
Cut on arm not deep enough
Next time slice clean through

- Justin

Smells like Ed Hardy
Only one getting close is
Paid To Pose Hott....Boobs!

-- Dunkin Scrotenuts

Steroid injections,
Tanning Bed, breast implants, bling...
Still feel dead inside

- Anonymous

Wears a woman's blouse
Arms like cellophane wrapped hams
Bleeth wants her shirt back

-- HusslinHoosier

A tasty serving of boobie hottie suckle thigh roasted lightly in olive oil, then sandwiched between two slices of poomento loaf.

I call it The Double Doucher.

Chad believed in a more literal approach to getting through to Danielle.

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DB1,

Speaking of Chris Brown (a huge douche any way you slice it), why do you give so many Brothabags a "nottadouche" pass? You barely feature any on the site as it is. Surely in this world, douchebags come in all shapes and sizes. Why the lack of Brothabags?

-- I, Douchebot
---------------

Here's the thing about Brothabags, Douchebot. It's not that I don't want to post more Afro-Douchemericans on the site, as I believe wankscrotery cuts across all racial, national and ethnic lines and is a global plague that should be mocked in all of its forms. I simply don't get enough good brothabag pics to run in the mix.

Secondly, the classic douchebag iconography tends to be white suburban poseurs living off their parents while trying to act "gangsta." Brothabags rarely make the stupid faux-hair, facial fung patterns and really silly hand gestures that are the main markers of 'bag.

With exceptions, of course, as we see here with the extremely douchey Brothabag Phil.

Heavy is the crotch that wears the crown.

He'll take shirts for $600 dollars, Alex.

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Hello DB1!!

I'm relatively new to the site, but I just thought I'd drop you a line and let you know that I think it's utterly effing GENIUS, and also to make a suggestion.

I think you should make a blog about Chris Brown for going all Ike Turner on that beautiful little flower of suckle thigh, Rihanna. Any "man" who beats up on a woman automatically qualifies as douche, especially when you do it in the public eye, no less.

Thanks for your time, DB1, as I know that the verbal smackdown of the scrote is a time consuming job :) Love & Kisses from The Hell-Mouth (Staten Island)

--Frances
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I grant you that Chris Brown is a douche, Francis, but it's important to remember that physical abuse goes beyond the realm of douchebaggery and into the land of assholery.

Douchebaggery tends to be nonviolent. A collection of aesthetic violations and clueless poseur buffoonery. That's why I haven't featured the dumbass Chris Brown to date. But I agree, he qualifies for douche status for silly sneaker alone.

Take a good look at this pic, fellow 'bag hunters and huntresses.

From star-pecs to bling to undie poke to hat tilt, Bleach Baller is uber-rank. The only thing Bleach Baller is missing are hand gestures and kissy lips. But he still deserves to be hen pecked by hens.

Angry, angry hens.

The Samantha Twins are cuddly, curvy perfect balls of hot boobie sliced melon canteloupe fruit cup cocktail sandcastle humping echo hotness.

And that is all there is to say about that one.

Tooly McFratterson may only be a stage-2 Clownbag, but God Bless American boobies.

I stare at them long enough and I see my own future, clouded as it is in ambiguity, existential struggle and paddling her bare bottom with coolwhip and maraschino cherries.

What's that, Ubiquitous Red Cup? Don't forget Yellow Bikini Smile Hott?

I will add an extra dollop of chocolate syrup atwixt her shoulder blades, then tussle with an angry wildebeast for her bemusement.

EDIT: Could this be Detroit Lions quarterback Matt Stafford?

Teddy and Freddy, known about town as the "Scrote Twins," tried to convince Vanessa that Aussie Rules Football had a 'simulated masturbation rule,' which was totally rad.

Bucky: Yo. I gots the Jimi Hendrix shirt on while I cuddle up with Kathy Hott to celebrate our HCwDB of the Month victory, yo. And dig my phat hat tilt! See yous all in the Yearly!

EDIT: Props to darksock for catching the beer cans with straws in the background. That's right. Bucky so bad he drinks beer with a straw.

Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott. And he's gettin' his party on. And now he got the Monthly.

Dr. DB: Lets face it, most of the pics on this site are Paid to Pose hots and guys on the extreme edge of scrote. But Bucky and Kathy are the real deal. Her hottness is pure, his ducheness is all that is wrong in suburbia. The anger and frustration that is generated from their commingling is unmatched on this site, ever!! If you can find a pair to surpass I will cease mocking, and...well probably go back to work without interruption. And by interruption I mean the occasional dry heave generated by the likes of bucky macking on Kathy. Bucky FTM

Dunkterdouche: Bucky...He looks like Lon Chaney's Zombie with a ridiculous, law of physics denying hat tilt.

Lyndon Ladouche: Kathy is a Houris from the Islamic Paradise. Bucky is the Douche Genie that somehow escaped from the bottle of piss she is holding.

Et douche, brute?: Bucky's got a look like a rhino that makes me want to shoot him from a distance with a high-powered rifle. Also, Kathy, despite sporting a stage-one bleeth tan, is a potentially rescuable bona fide hott.

Don't 'bag me, bro: Bucky and Kathy Hott - Damn, he has it all. 5A level douchebaggery, a halt tilt that makes gangsta rappers jealous, and Kathy Hott. She should be illegal. And by illegal, I mean in my pants.

Hot Buttered Poopcorn: Bucky inspires me. I have never been more motivated to renounce civilization, move to the moon, and live out the rest of my days in complete solitude.

Mr. Choad's Wild Ride: Bucky is a study in surrealism. Salvador Dali would have given up the brush had he seen this reality blurring comingling. Is this a product of photoshop? Are spiders crawling all over my skin? Are all the drugs I did in college coming back to haunt me? This doesn't even inspire the type of blind rage that is usual for a douche-hott coupling. I question my own existence when I view the pic. Maybe Albert Camus was onto something. Also, I can see his knob though his basketball shorts.

saulgoode42: Are you kidding? Bucky fer shur, simply because he pulled the finest one, by far.

eltango: gunny looks like an off duty circus clown but bucky is a leaning tower of poo. kathy is the klincher and when i say klincher i'm thinking kegel.

ehcuodouhe: Bucky. For monthlies and yearlies I have to pretend I'm each contestant twenty years from now. Looking back over the pictures of my youth, which ones would most likely cause me to shoot myself in the head? If I were Bucky, the shooting would be prefaced by repetitively banging my head against a marble countertop for all the stupid in that picture. Welding {smack} gloves?{smack} W {smack} T {smack} F {smack} was {smack} I {smack} thinking? {smack}

Vinny Scumbaglia: Gunny and Bucky have that certain festering quality, but only Bucky has the Uncle Festering quality.

Chris in 'Baghdad: Bucky is to Douchebaggery what Pearl Harbour is to sneak attacks: iconic perfection incarnate.

RAPETIME: Bucky, for physically impossible 4-D hat-tilt and for having a hott that makes my penis cry.

Excellent evicerations all around. Good job, 'bag hunters and huntresses. The "real world" HCwDB commingling was just too much to overcome for Bucky and Kathy. Not to mention 4-D hat tilt and welding gloves. And Kathy is delicious and innocent and this poo is underserving indeed. Well said, team.

P. Doody and the legendary 'bag succubus, Carly Hott, also found support, coming in a solid but distant second place:

Ass Pear: P. Doody's tat embodies the lack of foresight and intelligence of these many douche figures we have come to know and hate. Hence, I punched my ballot for him and an ample breasted hott by the name of Carly.

Seargent Scrote Stain: Although all contenders should garner some strong support, P. Doody deserves the big piece of chicken here. And by 'piece,' I mean 'a very large serving,' and by 'chicken,' I mean 'repeated violent blows to the nads.'

Sluggo: P. Doody FTW, even though my vote didn't help him last time. That tattoo will look perfect when he's 50 and looks like George Constanza.

Anonymous: P. Doody. As someone else pointed out, having a PLAYA 4 LIFE tat on you has got to earn you something.

There's no doubt we'll be seeing P. Doody in the "Worst Tatt" category at the 2009 Douchie Awards. Coming in a distant third, Gunny and The Gun Show:

Anonymous: GUNNY YEAH I WANNA PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SAMMICH YEAH!

Douche Messiah: Gunny FTW, mostly due to the supreme hottness of the babe in Gunny 4.

And an even more distant fourth, the sadly forgotten Tiki Douche:

TheShadowHost: "Gunny" and "Bucky got mad game" look like they are trying too hard whilst P.Doody may have an extra-chromosome. So it has to be the Tiki Douche! He walks the walk and talks the talk of the nozzle like no other!

Pook Tiki. So douchey, yet with no iconic move, so quickly forgotten.

But I'll turn it over to PhilthyPhil to take us home:

While all are strongly douche, only Bucky brings the tour de force. I have not recently seen such wankery on the site or ever in the natural world. With his utter mastery of gravity-defying hat buffoonery, goose-handling gloves and sweet and petite Kathy Hott this one leaves the beholder dazed, confused, nauseated and deeply saddened. Bucky..no one else comes close this month.

Well said, PtP, and we'll see Bucky and Kathy Hott in their well deserved slot in the HCwDB of the Year in December.

The Cheeto Man pic I just posted was scaring little children (and lacked a true hott), so I took it down, but if you can stomach it, it's here.

Instead, here's some Smoot Point to ride us into the orange sunset...

Remember when Willie "Mays" Hayes nailed a glove to the wall for every base he stole?

This is the douchal equivalent.

A hat tilt nailed to the wall for every girl that Willie "Hos" Bros pollutes.

Mmmm... ass pear paw prints leave me both attracted and repulsed. I suffer from the douchadox.

EDIT: Okay, this is probably photoshopped, but it isn't every day I get to make a "Major League" reference, so I'm leaving it up.

From Charleston, S.C.:

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I'm honored and yes, you may have my official HCwDB stamp on the party, but be careful Grasshopper. The slippery slope from dressing up as douche to becoming the douche is a dangerous one.

As to the picture you submitted... uhm... I can think of one key HCwDB element missing from the pic. Better work on that.

Tiki Douche just kicked in the pixel-door here at HCwDB, hoping to influence your vote with a last minute mugging of Claire the Yoga Hott.

And if that's not enough, how's about a little pinkdanna?

Damn Tiki D. I dunno. Both Bucky and Gunny are tough to beat for sheer scrotal taint. And I'm not sure this type of last minute meddling in the Monthly should be allowed.

But because I want to set your guyliner on fire, I'll allow it, although this is not an endorsement of you for the Monthly.

Some days I just should've stayed in bed.

The 'Stachebagger, backed by his posse of pigeon turd and K-Hotts, wants to wish the world a Sideways Peace Sign.

Later that night, the 'Stachebagger and Juanita furthered the cause of sideways peace.

Because without sideways peace, this world will always be at sideways war.

Meanwhile, Ubiquitous Red Cup monitors all.

Seriously, high schoolers.

Put down the Kissy Lips before someone gets hurt.

You know we're in trouble when the frost tips, shirtlessness, orangeness and white belt aren't the creepiest thing about the Stachebagger's mugging of the Jenny Triplets.

It's the 'stache.

Like El Debarge and John Oates before him, The Stachebagger is bringing the power of 1980s 'stache with G-Force scrotal pull.

And I see you on the left, Jenny #3. Your bosom is strong with womanly power. I would paw them firmly, then graze lightly on your clavicle, then whine softly for tea time.

In anticipation of his own appearance in next week's Weekly, Smoot and Long Island Sylvia wanted too drop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Month.

Can I get a wut? Coming off the two-toned weekend punch of the potentally flaming gaybaggery of Cheeto Man and the toxic HCwDB commingling of Smoot, it almost seems unfair that this week is the HCwDB of the Month. But those pics will have to wait for next week.

For now, here's your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Gunny

Gunny brings the gun show, solidly besting his competitors with a run of silly belt buckle in presence of numerous suckle thighs (seen in pics 2, 3 and 4),

Gunny's tard-face, hand gestures and belt buckle are all scroteworthy.

But does Gunny bring the hott enough for a true HCwDB of the Month?

That is the question.

For the H.C. side, Blondie's shoulder suckle, hint of quality boobage, and swan innocent smile, are all worthy counterpoints.

I would raisin her brans.

And then corn her pops.

Yup. It's breakfast time for the DB1.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody

With an ambiguous takedown request that may or may not have meant Hairy Belafonte, I'm not taking the risk and instead subbing in the #2 (in every sense) tatt disaster that is P. Doody.

This is also a first here at HCwDB, in which an award winning slutty hott, Carly, took one douchebag to the HCwDB Championship last year, and is now cohabitating with another worthy contender of scrote.

Carly Hott is like the Roseanna Arquette of HCwDB. First she inspires a mediocre Toto song.

Then she inspires a drippy but iconic Peter Gabriel Song.

Which in turn inspires John Cusack to hold up a boombox in a moment that makes dating girls impossible for the next four years due to raised "Lloyd Dobler" expectations of googoo eyed crap. Which inspired Ione Skye to ditch the sentimental crap and marry a Beastie Boy. Which was absolutely the right call.

Toto. Nice Dune soundtrack. Clowns.

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, Carly Hott.

I have no idea what I'm saying. I desperately need caffeine.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Tiki Douche and Anonymous Bikini Hott

Like Gunny, The Tiki Pud brought with him a run of scrotal achievement with various bikini girls, as seen in pic 2, , pic 3 and pic 4.

Granted, all are with lesser hottage than in the main pic.

The lack of hotts, as with Gunny, discounts the Tiki's truly noxious taint-scent from mockage.

Still, for classic douche signifiers, you have a pretty potent list:

1. The neo-colonialist desecration of numerous indiginous languages, peoples and cultures, all in one single garrish shoulder tatt.

2. Silly belt buckle + chain

3. The douche-face

4. Boobie hottie suckle thigh in tight candy-striper pants

And I reiterate that Anonymous Bikini Hott is not getting the props she deserves. Take another look, people. She is a softwater drink of fleshy melon smoothie.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Bucky Got Mad Game and Kathy

Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott.

All sorts of hip-hop wigga wrongess in this classic HCwDB formation.

This pic also brings reminders of College Hotts.

How they know not the cultural value they carry in their youth and smiles and wonderfully white teeth and Prell smelling hair.

And then, like every iconic HCwDB pic, there's the "WTF" moment. In this case, the welding gloves.

Welding Gloves, Bucky? Really?

So them's your four.

Which combo most inspires you to fits of rage and cries at a godless universe enough to book them a slot in the coveted HCwDB of the Year?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

HCwDB legend and Hall of Scrote member, The Gator, buys Bulgaria.

While wearing D&G.

And planning a proper sized bed to accommodate his theoretical orgies.

Accept no imitations. There is only one Cheeto Man.

What to name this annoyingly punch-worthy douche face?

One word comes to me. And that word is Smoot.

Crystal's red tongue and barb wire tatt show worrisome signs of stage-2 to 3 douchebaguettery.

As such, I will only reluctantly drool on her boobs while chanting ancient Sanskrit poems and gargling windex.

No random thoughts on this Friday as I contemplate that Cheetos Man is not to be trifled with.

Well, maybe that is my random thought.

Cheetos Man. Do not mess with his argyle patterns and weedy hair.

Here are your links:

Douchebag V. Monkey: The Monologue is the most brilliantly written and delivered single character theatrical masterpiece on the internets. It is Samuel Beckett by way of Quentin Tarantino by way of Bertolt Brecht by way of David Mamet by way of Ice Cube by way of a giant wigga douchenozzle. It is a masterwork. "Squeezy don't beg."

Just when you thought E-Blo would never find a doucherhero sidekick to help him fight facial expressions and conscious thought: E-Blo and Robin.

D-Bag t-shirts, only $200 dollars each. Or, in this case, on sale for $169. What a bargain.

My comment that I didn't know who Peter Andre was on Monday resulted in a flood of emails to "educate" me, with the best/worst being this slice of musical scrote pie (complete with black rasta background singers to give him "street cred")

Model hooks up with Mickey Roarke, regrets it in the morning. And yes, Mickey Roarke is a celebubag.

And vis-a-vis the Douchebag V. Monkey monologue, how about Hot Chicks with Chimpanzees.

Rule of thumb: If you name your new line of douche wristwatches "Super Bad Ass", they are, in fact, neither super, nor bad ass.

I'm not the big fan of mashups, when DJs combine two songs to create a new song, but this Rick Astley + Nirvana combo is pretty genius.

Biff rules.

And finally, because you've been good, here's some tri-color Triple Vegas Ass Pear to carry you onward until dawn.

That reminds me, did I remember to water my cactii in the past few months?

And by water my cactii, I mean stalk Kat Dennings.

And yes, on the left is what we tag as a stage-3 douchebaguette, saved only by the lack of kissy-lips and hand gesture.

For it is prophesized that when the Star of David Demon Tatt punctures the shoulder of the tri-vag facial pubed One, Tiny Pocahontas Clamshell Bikini Hott will commingle for a fortnight.

Choads 'n hott do shots,
Ubiquitous Red Cups know,
Fratbags smell like poo.

Second Amendment
Be damned; these here guns should be
outlawed and taken.

- Douche Wayne

today will be nuts.
I don't even know this chick.
we should light our farts.

-- Mr. Choad's Wild Ride

Mary Louise P.
Retires from the show "Weeds"
Now on show called "Taints"

- Vin Douchal

Hott is very hott.
Boobies like tangy lemons.
They need my sucklage.

-Amerigo Vesdouchey

what chances does a
lonely red cup, for the love
of a surfer chick

- euripidouche

Okay, for all those complaining that bizarro Lithuania pic, as genius as it was, wasn't strictly HCwDB enough, here's some Pouter Puff + Jenny Suckle Shoulder to carry you to tomorrow's Friday Haiku.

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Greetings DB1,

Take a look at best what we've got here in Lithuania. Not quite HCwDB, but we're a third world country.

E.
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The ridiculously unbalanced ratio between the quality of suckle thigh and creepy Europbaggery on display in Eastern Europe is on an ongoing global crisis.

While Eurobags often don't resemble the douchebaggery we know and loathe here in America, the suckle thighs still desperately need saving. By me. Using only a ball of twine, extensive licking of their kneecaps, and a large towel soaked in chickenfat.

What separates the truly spectacular douchewank from the average, everyday, ordinary pud?

Longevity. Consistency.

Hall of Scrote legend Johnny Blaze isn't held down by a faltering economy.

Johnny Blaze laughs in the face of the passing of time.

The Blaze just finds some slammin' Ed Hardy, a middle aged Oldbag dressed in pink and desperately holding on to fading glory, and an all natural brunette with great teeth.

And the Blaze Blazes on.

Can we really judge a man for utilizing the "chin strap" to delineate chin from neck?

Yes.

Yes we can.

Or cast him in a Dire Straits video.

EDIT: In keeping with the general consensus, I hearby grant Cube Bert an official nottadouche. And props for some natural Latina Hottness on his arm.

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Dear DB1,

I am 28 years old and I have a receding hairline.

I think comb-overs and other maneuvers to hide balding are silly and useless. From your website and the example of E-Blo, I have also learned that if I tried, I'd be douchey.

But if I wear (what's left of) my hair pushed up and off of my scalp, bravely exposing naked skin where hair is supposed to be, I'm afraid I am going to stray into 'blowout' territory.

I'm going to have a haircut later today and need an urgent consultation on how to wear my hair so I can split the difference between comb-over and blowout. Douchiness crouches on every side! Help me to come through to the other side un-tainted.

Thank you,
- Douche Scrotewalker
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It's about the gel levels, D.S., more so than the style itself. In the example provided here, Pinky McGuppiemouth macks on Theresa with only a stage-2 shirt offense (skulls = autodouche). His receding hairstyle would not be a problem, until he overgels to the point of crust.

Do not crest the crustline, D.S. Some product is fine, but if your hair looks like the sky in a Van Gogh, you've crossed the line.

Fro Yo says: Hey kids, be cool. Stay in school.

Because Fro Yo likes to give back to the community.

I can't tell if I should mock this bizarro commingling of Latin King and Nordic Goth, or cower behind my bed and hope I do not end up with the proverbial cap in mine ass.

Ah screw it. What's one more angry douche who wants to kick my ass?

His chin contains a swarm of angry carpenter ants, pissed about the lack of decor.

Elvira would read me Grimm fairytales in their original German, and then I would rub her toes with tea tree oil.

PIC DELETED

Dave on the right? You get a nottadouche pass. Go in peace.

But Vinny? White stud belt, d-neck shirt, hand gesture and bling means we gotta 'tag you a solid stage-3 Grieco Virus carrier.

Most perplexingly, what's with the rosy cheeks?

Is it makeup?

Were you slapped on each side of his face with a halibut?

And finally we come to Roxanna. A fully formed and delightfully curvy figure that I would study and grope with feral intensity for a solid 30 seconds using only the hypothalamus part of my brain, before collapsing in exhaustion, and then turning on the teevee.

Excuse me, Miss, would you like to see my Jelly Dong?

Take your best shot in the comments thread.

Ladies, during the kegger, never go into the kitchen alone with anyone nicknamed "Ponce."

Or anyone in a "Hooters" shirt.

Good rule of thumb to follow next time, Alli.

With a four pic run of taint (2, 3 and 4), The Gun Show and assorted Party Hotts took down a strong contender in Cornbread the Destroyer to take the prize.

MoeDouche: This is an easy one. Gunny FTW! This DB makes my blood boil every time I see his pictures. For his mocking pose', his 1-finger salute, and his toy gun is just so over the top that I am in disbelief that such a DB really walks among his own kind. He tops it off with two hotties on each arm. GRRRR! Yeah, Gunny you deserve the win, you POS.

Anonymous: Gunny FTW. His group home needs to quit taking field trips to the club.

Douche Bigalow: Gunny- He's Dom Deluise's long dead penis.

Double O Douche: Gunny FTW because he shows us that even tards can be bags and tarded bags can score hotchicks hence no matter what your problem is you can pull ass just by being a douche..Thank you gunn

Douchemockracy: Gunny FTW. That belt just screams: "Look at me ye mighty and despair, for I AM DOUCHE".

Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche: Gotta go with Gunny. Cornbread and Teddy are standardbred douches, but the toy gun belt buckle takes gunny over the top.

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch: It is my professional opinion that Gunny exudes the highest level of the Grieco strain.

Chris in 'Baghdad: Lots of choadwankery going on in this weekly, but I choose Gunny. His prematurely receding hairline fauxhawk, and low double digit IQ leer, put him just a nose ahead of the pack for me.

Morgan: Gunny all the way. The hottie/douchie ratio in Gunny 2 is downright criminal.

Et Tu Douche?: The love gun belt is a calculated fashion statement that back fires (no pun intended) that says I'm an idiot look at me and my self esteem issues with my lack of manhood.

Anonymous: Gunny looks like the offspring of Howdy Doody and Ed Grimley. Maybe it's wrong to select a mentally challenged person for HCWDBOTW, but then again, maybe it's a sign of progress. Gunny FTW

Colussus of Choads: I would like to vote for Gunny. Simply because he looks like a f@cking dickhead. Thanks.

Well evicerated all-around, team, but I must say that Gunny's ladies are not getting their due. Sure they're not model-hott, but each and every one offers merit. Still, nice to see everyone bringing the a-game mock. Good work.

Coming in a solid and close second was Cornbread the Destroyer and his Persian Princess:

Don't 'bag me, bro: Cornbread. He does believe he is God's gift to douchebaggery, and he is correct in that assumption. Well played, Corbread. Well played.

Captain Bringdown: From this vile and putrid concoction of testosterone, scrambled DNA, and silicone, the ultimate tipping point becomes "Hott least likely to OD on the contents of my medicine cabinet," and that sends my vote to: Cornbread the Destroyer.

Erin: Cornbread bread wins, because a denim hat without denim pants, a denim shirt and denim vest is a huge faux pas.

Jean Claude Van Douche: Cornbread the Destroyer procures the win and by win I mean he gloms the magic crystal from Teddy Tatt's massive watch, he rescues Princess Jehnna from her wierd balding uncle Gunny, and to celebrate he motorboats not the royal boobs, but instead plays 'sit and spin' with his magic horn.

And even Teddy Tatt, with his wine drinking tips, found support:

Hot Buttered Poopcorn: Teddy Tatt seems to have an unfinished sketch of a cartoon monster on his chest though. The cartoon scrawlings of what I assume he thinks is 'bad-ass' coupled with the pink shrouded boobs on his hott tell me that TT deserves this win. While he wins, we all lose.

Trisha: But Teddy...he has no idea that he is the scum of the earth and single-handedly responsible for the destruction of the world. The glass of white zin is the proof. Plus, his arm candy is the candiest. Teddy, ftw. Dammit...

Seargent Scrote Stain: Teddy thinks he is "classy." Teddy thinks he has a "beautiful" baby momma. And Teddy probably even thinks he's a good person. There's only one problem Teddy, we know that you are in fact a giant twat. You are not classy, you are redneck knucle tatt uber scrote. Your baby momma has the clap, and despite your thoughts otherwise, you are a parasite leeched to the balls of modern society.

The Douche Slayer: I'm voting for Teddy Tatt & Maggie because you have to be a serious scrote to sport wine that probably tastes like raspberry grapefruit that's been rotting in your fridge for the past four years.

Props for the always appreciated The Thing reference, M.D.

But the everpresent Anonymous takes us home, explaining why Gunny is a worthy winner (loser):

Gunny wins easily. While some may not like to consider multiple picks from the same douche when making their choice, I disagree. You see, Gunny is a douche no matter where he goes. In between Crazy Eyes and Tiny Blonde - check, he's a douche. Being a douche while pointing at large fun bags - check. Giving "the shocker" while standing in between two hotts who have extensive experience with the aforementioned shocker - a-douche-a-rooni. Looking like a f@cking retard while standing next to a pleasant looking brunette - douche-tastic! Oh yeah, and that belt makes me want to cry.

Damn straight, Anon, well said. Chalk up Gunny and the Party Girls as the final slot in the Monthly on Monday. And it will be a tough fight to earn that slot in the HCwDB of the Year at the Douchie Awards in December.

-- Jamie
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Well done, Jamie. But the point is to have the hot chicks dress slutty and hott. Not as douchebags. Otherwise the party has no point, and is DBwDB.

Like Halloween, HCwDB parties are a great excuse to convince the ladies to dress slutty.

Of course, my ultimate goal is to merge HCwDB and Halloween, and that someday there will be Gator, Joey Porsche and Fish Slap costumes on every street corner. Hey, it could happen.

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Douchebag1,

I've been studying for the bar exam all summer and I am in need of something truly and absolutely preposterous. I am one week from the exam and need to feel better about my sorry existence.

X-Lax, Gunny and Samurai Scrote have not been able to deliver the 1-2 punch I've been needing as of late. My soul is empty. Please, please help.

Humbly,
Kierkegaardouche
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You got it, K.

Oh, Linda.

How bold you think you are dating The Chinchilla. How daddy suffers for your wayward ways.

His chinstrappy gray vest / silk t-shirt wearing smug douche-pouty choaditude convinced you he was "dangerous." He "slappa the bass" in his Clash tribute band, "Cock the Casbah," during open-mic-night at the Beer Shack. And it was rad.

Such a poor choice, Linda. But I will forgive you.

By awkwardly fondling your outer thigh area with a fly swatter and a jar of mustard.

Nothing says macho badass quite like a little rouge to bring up the cheekbones.

Things got worse moments later, when Pouter Puff went for the Fran Ass Grab.

My latest work to be part of the the HCwDB gallery show at the Guggenheim in 2023, which will cement my reputation as an artist in the age of denatured simulacra, I title Still Life with Wheelbarrow.

Still Life with Wheelbarrow rejects postmodern composition by focusing the gaze on a central coupling within a neo-classical return to even weighting. To place this framing in counterpoint, the use of sand as a structuring motif, with buildings rising starkly in the distance, places nature within a retro-futurist critique. Thusly it uses depth, absence and cool color palette to reinforce the spectral reconfiguration of denatured idioms.

It also has hott, douche and a wheelbarrow.

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Hi DB1,

I am new to the site, so I am writing to ask if you are aware of the British/Australian celebrity Bleeth and Douche pairing of Katie Price and Peter Andre.

They are constant tabloid fodder in the UK at the moment as they are having a particularly nasty and public divorce. He has also just been signed to be the face of Ed Hardy when it launches in the UK this year.

Here they are shopping at Ed Hardy in Los Angeles.
- Ashley
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No idea who they are, although I feel like I've featured them on the site before. But as of July of 2009, I can safely say this: All roads of 'bag lead to Ed Hardy.

Ed Hardy is the fulcrum of faux. The portal of pud. The gateway drug and, like Mordor and Gettysburg before it, the location of battle where the war will be won or lost.