The backwards baseball cap. The ridiculous muscle t-shirt. The pose. The dead rodent on his lower lip. The douchetude overwhelms. It permeates. It seeps through my eyes making me cry out, "Why! Dear God, why is this super hot piece of perfection standing within a three mile radius of this utterly ridiculous douchebag?"

The answer my friends, is blowing in the douche.
Okay, I'm done writing my comments. I'm going to stare at that perfect, luscious belly, the vague panty-line underneath that silky white mini-skirt, and that sexy expression and pound my head against the wall for a few hours.

Then again, the upside of this photo is that it's possible that the moment after it was taken, the motorcycle flipped over, crushing that turd into a puddle of steaming douchetude. Yeah, that's it. That's what I'll tell myself as I crack open another PBR.

Yep, it's a special celebrity edition today here on HCwD. Normally I have as much interest in celebrity couplings as I do in that weird fungus that keeps growing on my ballsack, but something about Ryan Seacrest makes me think that of all the douchebags in the world, this douchebag may just take the douchebag cake.

The hottie to his left is none other than Terry Hatcher, and while she may be looking a little haggard in the face these days, like a hooker who's done just a tad too much blow (see Houston, Whitney), she's still a hottie. I'd do her. Heck, I'd do your moms, and we all know she's a crack hoe with extra toe jam in the trunk.

Getting back to the douchebaggery of Ryan "I'll have the roast duck with mango salsa" Seacrest, wtf is up with that t-shirt and sportscoat? Megods what I would pay to see this man gang raped by the cast of Oz. Douchebag? The word reframes its own meaning in the presence of this douchebag.

(PIC REMOVED) This is a middling photo on the hot/douchebag scale, mainly because while the dude is maintaining the white, unbuttoned shirt motif of previous douchebags (and I swear, it's a bizarre coincedence), the chick just ain't that hot. You see, the perfect hot/douchebag quotient must create a binary polarity in your mind between two extremes in one photo causing an explosion of Godless, existential rage as we all face that fact that it's always these greasy pieces of shit who get the hottest fun-bags.

But still, the photo has hot/douche merit. She's not super hot, she's got like that Ben Affleck chin thing working, but the grin does say "sucks like a champ." Anyways, I'm still hung over so today's photo ain't the greatest. But I do think we're onto a correlary between douchebaggery and white, silky shirts. Lets see what tomorrow brings...

Those lips. Those pale pink, trout lips. They summon all the forces of douchebaggery in one perfectly round "o" shape. The basketball t-shirt. The retro "Animal House" poster. All these forces rip me asunder as my gaze wanders over to the perfect hotness of this sampling of chinese ass. Sure the Coors Light is ghetto. Sure the Lance Armstrong arm-band's douchetude is ratcheted up exponentially by the fact his arm is blocking her perfect, luscious tata. But you gotta admit, the combo of douchitude and hotness in this photo pretty much justifies this website by itself, no?

Thanks to Gawker for not being aware that I'm snagging their photo. Special thanks to my mom for not kicking me out of her basement even though I just turned 30, am balding, have a gut, and haven't had sex in three years.

(PIC REMOVED) Is it a fungus? Or merely a dead ferret? Whatever it is somebody needs to seriously knock that furry creature off this douchbag's head, stat. This guy isn't just a douchebag, he's douchebag essense. He's concentrated douchitude. The unbuttoned shirt, the stubble, the expression. I've known douchebags. But this guy may just take the cake. I'm so obsessed with the royal ass kicking this douchebag deserves it's almost too painful to realize just how hot the two hotties are kissing him. This deadly combination of hotness and douchebaggery may be too much
for me to handle today. I should just go back to my air mattress and stare at the roach droppings on my pillow. Maybe that'll cheer me up.

So much douchebaggery to comment on, so little time...

Staring at this downs syndrome wannabe's mug almost makes me forget that the chick to his left really isn't that hot. Of course compared to that dude's face, she's Princess friggin' Monanoake. This dude may be up for douchebag of the decade, if I ever decide to create that award. Of course that would take effort, organization and foresight, of which I have none.

Heck, I can barely update this blog daily, let alone put together a douchebag award. But if I did, this douchebag would win it. Nice unbuttoned shirt, you oily tosser.

The girl's kinda growing on me. Like fungus. Maybe it's the exposed belly. I'm staring at it but the douchebag's watch and plastic cup make me want to grab a hatchet and cut off one of those man-boobs poking out of his gay-ass shirt.

That chin. I want to slug that chin. Then I want to pick up some clippers and buzz that thinning quasi-Hitler-youth hair from that 8-head. I'm so irritated by that grinning frat-boy mug I almost barely noticed the come hither "I swallow" motif expressed by the pouting yet smug little wench to his right.

Her? Hell, I'd beg for it from that chicka. And I haven't begged for anything since I asked for an extra dinner roll at the soup kitchen. Not that I'm homeless or anything. I'm just in a transition period.

Not the best first example to launch this soon-to-be legendary site, but it'll have to do because I'm hung over and smell like puke.

The girls aren't of the smoking Alba level hotness, but approachably bangable. The dude isn't the biggest douchebag on earth, but the videogame shirt, the deadeye, glazed, "I'll be spanking it tonight to this moment," and the nervous fingers afraid to touch hot chick #2's forearm all lend a decent air of douchebagerry to his persona.

Heck, I'm gonna spank it to these girls tonight, and I wasn't even the douchebag in the photo. Which is why my name is douchebag1, natch. Dark haired chick with the funny bracelet definitely gives better head, even if it looks like she was punched in the nose with an ugly stick.

You know them. You've seen them. Now post them.