I haven't seen this much Jersey refuse in one place since the Dice-Man arena comedy shows of 1991.

I can't tell if Slothy here has his twin brother stading behind him in the pink shirt or if they're all just starting to look the same to me. And no that's not a crappy photoshop edge, that's a real pic (as far as I can tell).

Toss the D&G into the DB scoring system we'll be putting together next month.

I would make a whipped cream sundae out of that juicy shoulder on the right there. Mmm... "shoulder sundae."

One of the more unsual 'bag hand gestures, the upturned finger point, Bag Mohawkan here needs a serious beating. Putting yesterday's Peacock to shame, this hairy dinkleberry has entrapped a fine, somewhat confused little honeybear into his chin juttey world.

The three shaved lines on the sides of his nutsack shaped head are the sweet capper.

Yet more healthy mammaries to round out a week's worth of busty goodness. What better way to head into the July 4th weekend than with those two fireworks right there?

Now I've never actually been around snail snot, but I would imagine it looks just like this total tool. I want to wipe him off my shoe. I'm not sure how I feel about the FDNY hat as I kinda dig it, but this wank's drunk, pukey expression is enough for me to want to stamp his forehead with the "D.B" logo and ship him off to Trenton, 4th class ground.

Chicka may or not be a hottie. I'll tell you when I'm done staring at her healthy, healthy mammaries.

Is there a term for that slightly paler patch of skin at the top part of the breast where less sunlight has reached? If not, I'll coin it: The "Cleavite". Heh. I like that term.

Ever wake up at a strange chica's house? Well, she's pregnant and married to my friend. Crashed out last night after a nice meal with my non-db friend and his unBleethed wife. Just got up. Mmm... pancakes. More updates shortly...

It's good to know that Rockwell is still getting chicks. I mean it's been almost 20 years since he had his big hit, I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Me. Yet here he is, scorin' with the hotties. You GO, Rockwell!

Look at the 'bag headbutt he's giving this desert flower. He's taking her down Diego Maradona style. Gonna try to knock her into the net over the goalie's outstretched reach. GOAALLLL!!!

Is that dirt under his fingernails? Tsk. Tsk. Didn't his 'baggy mom teach him about clean fingernails?

I love this bluebird. I know I've said I love a lot of hotties on this site. And I do. But I love her even more. Or at least, even more right now.

Make a run for the border. And by "run" I mean slap this utter skeeze silly until his sombrero falls off.

Man alive. Look at these four cuties. These sweaty young lasses are the kind of innocent looking wild gazelles that make me wish I was back in college and not sitting on the rug drunk off my ass. Any of you fellow 'bags in college right now, I'm toasting my plastic cup of Irish Rose to you. Enjoy it. Girls are never hotter than right now. Grab 'em. Save 'em from the oily bohunks, just like in "16 Candles."

Be the ball. Ma- Make the ball.

The dark haired hottie on the lower right makes my toenails hurt.

A Peacock walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you a peacock? Or a douchebag?" And the peacock says, "I'm a douchebag."

Not really a joke. But it does kind of sum up this pic, does it not?

This aging fratboy doesn't particularly appear to be that douchey, however I'm intrigued by the bizarre "Shocker" gestures appearing in the lower right of the pic. The hand on the far right may indeed be Happy McFratboy's actual hand, but what's with the other hand? His? His frat brother's? His weirdly deformed foot?

And I have to say that these two hotties are... uhm... hot. Yep. My brain is out of euphemisms. More Thunderbird, stat!

Since the July 4th festivities are almost upon us, I thought I would take this time to celebrate my patriotism in my own unique way. By celebrating one of the first classic HCwD photos to appear on this site. What better way to celebrate our Independence Day than by marveling at where all that freedom has taken us. The freedom to be a steaming pile of skeeze-dung. Jefferson would be proud.

This pic of rank douchosity and angelic hotness was one of the first truly great finds on the site, back in April. Since it was pre HCwDotW, it wasn't included in our recent competition. So it gets its own celebratory revival here.

This overweight, greasy, bandana wearing scrote features all the classic 'bag elements, from his 80s Don Johnson jacket to his facial pubes, earings and ring fingers.

And this lovely hottie... megods, what can I say. It's not just that she's flashing me her garters. Well, yes, it is just that. I want to bear her children. I want her to whack me in the hiney with popsicle sticks while I tie myself up with rubber hosing and jump out of a moving car.

Seeing this turd blossom fondle her ankles makes the DB1 cry tears of acidic rain into his cheerios.

Be warned. Prolongued exposure to this pic can have dire consequences. Lab tests caused mice to go into seizures and begin gelling their tails and wearing Jesus bling on their whiskers. A few test mice even began wearing bandanas and referring to their fellow mice as their "beyoches." This pic has also been found to cause sheep to go sterile. So view with caution.

I do find it interesting that the scrote on the right appears to be storing his wallet and keys inside the lining of his left stomach.

Poor little hottie. I just want to reach out and tug on those dangling pink straps and liberate her two friends from their imprisonment. Then I'd sing her torch songs as we'd both drink papaya juice out of coconuts and play twister until dawn.

I'm kinda bummed we already have a Sun 'Bag because this guy's supernova 'fro deserves its own special label. So I'm going with Supernova Bag.

I love that aqua-blue see through sheer stuff. I don't know who invented it but it makes the DB1 a happy 'bag. My eyes could travel up and down this cutie's length all day, until stopping at the hand placed over her shoulder. When I realize what it's attached to, a piece of my soul cries out in pain. I want to toss this wank into a Turkish prison and let some lifers run a train. While I wine and dine this sexy mambo queen until the Giants win the pennant.

It's like a rerun on Nick at Nite of "The Three Stouches meet The Hottie." There's Hairy, Smuckey and Shmoe. And that's Doushemp poking out on the left there, growing out of the hottie's shoulder.

Someone needs to take 'bag hand gesture #14 and do the classic Stouches eye poke. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

This sweet brunette hottie is desperately scanning for the exit with that fake, polite smile that says "Nice try stouches, but I'd sooner give it up to my lit professor. And he's 90." Can you blame her? With 'Bag Hand Gestures #12, #32, #41 and #60 in her presence it's like a haze of 'bag stench.

Maybe that last post was a bit long but I had to get in as many comments as I could as there was a bunch of quality comments that I had to give their props.

If you tuned in late today make sure you also check out both of this morning's 'bags, Justin Timberdouche and the freakish "I See Douchebags" scrote. Both deserve some HCwD love.

More later... first it's time for hohos. Mmm, mmm.. I loves me the ho-hos. Delicious cream filled chocolate snack treats. Only from Hostess.

The voting was fierce. The 'baggedness of the contestants made us all feel deeply unclean, while the hotties (in some of the pics at least) perked our spirits up. But in the end, thanks to a late surge, Glinty here pulled out the "victory" (if you can call it that) and took the first ever HCwDotM contest with a late charge. I'd hand him the trophy but I'm not sure his lazy-eye would see it.

But really, weren't all four of the finalists winners? And by "winners" I mean the rankest collection of scuzz dripping douchitude and hotness since the Baio/Anderson and Bleeth/Grieco makeout sessions of the early to mid 1990s.

The voting was tight. Mellonhead, Grail and Yeesh were all tied with seven votes each. Glinty won with only eleven, making all four of our finalists deserving of entry into the Douchebag Hall of Shame. All four will not be forgotten. Oh no. We owe it to hotties everywhere to preserve all four of these pics in digital amber forever, so that someday a scientist can pull their DNA and breed them as the main attractions at Jurassface Park.

Okay, enough of my witticisms. Lets see what The Bag Chorus had to say. Iron Douchenozzle sums up Glinty's "appeal":

It's gotta go to Glinty McBag. One,he already has the belt buckle to prove his ultra douche status. The Bling Buckle is awarded only to the cream of the crop, uber douche. Do the other douches of the week possess this honor? Methinks not. Two, his hair is WAY spikier than the other douches. We all know, or at least should recognize, that the spikier the hair, the douchier the bag. Three, his chicks are hot. And totally infected with the Bleeth.

How can the others even compete? Glinty is douche of the century. And probably lives in his mom's basement and works at the cell phone kiosk in the mall.

Douche Vader agrees, and comes out swinging solidly for Glinty to take the cake:

This Douchebag just got upgraded to "outperform market". His Jesus bling, t-shirt that says "My Girlfriend Will Suck YOUR @#$@", the hottie holding down his hand as if to say "Stop throwing the variation hand sign #214-C. You are already a Mega Douchebag and this is just not necessary to prove your douchiness!", the honky-tonk belt buckle with the bling, all the way down to the earring and slightly raised eyebrow that says to hotties "Look into my Douchey eyes you skank!"...

DrunkDouchebag reminds us that part of the equation is the hottie level and we must factor that in. He making a convincing case for the HCwD contradiction of Mellonhead:

It must be Mellonhead. 3 reasons:
a)his chick is the hottest and her tits don't look like volleyballs were unnaturally stuffed inside her chest. Real tits = hotter chick, even if she's Bleethish.
b)he is the only one who's ass I could kick.
c)Holy Grail and Yeesh are Jersey guido streotypes, which gives them an inherent genetic DB advantage. Mellonhead isn't bronzed like the other 3, and megods the glasses (to say nothing of the pubes glued on his chin).

Heh. I like reason "b". Nicely done D.D. However The Doctor throws down for some "Yeesh" love:

I gotta go with Yeesh. He was the first of his kind and # 4 and # 2 are just rip offs of Yeesh. The bald guy is just too much of a complete assbag to win.

dater-o-douches agrees with The Doctor and offers up some much needed female perspective:

I'm sorry... as a female, I can tell which douche is the largest douche just by looking at their photo's... I know which will say more "How you doin'"s at the bar... which will white-boy rap more often, throw more gang-style hand gesture's my way while sending me shots of hypnotique. I think this is definetly YEESH. We can't forget that if anything else, YEESH is the utmost bag, the most typical Jersey-bag, and this makes him the winner. No matter how the votes lay out, my heart will always know that YEESH is truly the bag of the month.

Sisto introduces the beginnings of a crude douchebag scoring system (something we'll be putting together in the coming weeks) and concludes that "Yeesh" scores highest:

I just swallowed my tongue and may or may not have sharted. 1 for the hair, 1 for the pose, 1 for the look, 1 for the spray on tan, 1 for hooking the shirt into the pocket, 1 because that girl looks like a poodle, 1 because she is providing the illusion that her sweater puppies are ripping through that shirt, 1 becasue I think he's got a skully in his hand, and 1 because there's a homebar with horrible neon sign in the background (posing in your own home is a sure sign of douchosity). That's a total of 9.

Nicely done, Sisto. We will get to a scoring system soon. Jem also reminds us to factor in the HC part of the equation:

I wish I knew what Glinty's t-shirt said. I'm going to go with 2, because it's like yin and yang...on the right, so completely douche, and on the left, so completely hot.

An Anonymous poster backs her up, again arguing for the hotness factor of Mellonhead's cutie (and I agree, she is fantastic):

Melonhead by far. His chick is the classiest-looking, which is the most frustrating thing when dealing with douchitude. You gotta expect the golddigging, overtanned tits-o-sauruses to settle upon a douchebag because they are usually the female version of the same. It's when a nice, classy-looking chick is in the douche market that one really begins to question why God is so cruel.

Another Anonymous commentor went off on a deep existential struggle before finding his answer:

Ok. I got it figured out. I had to go on a shamanistic quest deep in to my heart of hearts to find the douche in myself. I became the douche. I breathed the douchey air that a douche would breathe. I walked the club like a douche would strut the club. I became (for lack of a better word) a douche. My douche-vision showed me that my primary objective was an easy lay. A girl upset about a fight with a boyfriend, a drunk girl. Any sort of easy prey. A theif of undeservedly hot tang. Which one between Glinty and Grail would I not leave my girlfriend with on Temptation Island. Grail is obviously there with his mate. They have dated and pumped iron and injected each other steriods in to each other's asses. You can't make that type of intimacy with some Chocolate Martini's and roofies. He's also up there. Plly 35-40. Glinty, on the other hand, is primed, greased and gelled to take on a conquest at any moment. He has a date-rape gaze that is just waiting to be unleashed. He is my pick for HCwD of the Month.

However douchestar runner offered a convincing case for The Holy Grail:

But the Grail--whoa now! If I walked into a bar/club/whatever and saw this guy, I'd be blown away. You have to be off the douchey charts to go out in a vest (PINK, no less) with NO SHIRT underneath. Not to mention sunglasses indoors. This 'roided out meathead is the Arnold Douchabagger, The Bagginator, of the douche world.

wannabee douchebag brought in a nice Douche Cup analysis before settling in on Glinty as his winner:

Unforutnately, the refs ended up determining the match by giving a red card to the Holy Grail for bringing a dude for his hottie. The Finals where a complete blowout when Yeesh's hot chick left the match to sue her plastic surgeon after catching sight of the tits on Glinty's. The Douche Cup goes the GLINTY MCBAG!!!!!!!!!

keith jackson lays out the convincing case for Grail:

*The Gargoyle glasses
*The Tats
*The metrosexual upturned sleeveless pink shirt that is screaming, "come on, say something about my shirt and you'll be eating a fist sammich."
*Semi-blinging off the chain chain around the neck.
*The shaved chest...this guy could be a spokesperson for Nair.
*She 100% hot...I'd take her and ride her like her name is Seabiscuit!
*I like a woman that has muscular definition that says, "come on, say something about his shirt and I'll force feed you a fist sammich."
*You've got to respect a chick that can boobage her way in and fight her way out.
*Store bought side boobage...she gets extra points in my book for using it as bait to lure in the rest of us so that he can say, "HEY WHADDA YOU LOOKIN' AT HER FOR YOU WANNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED?"

mickey o'douche uses a nicely designed "puke" scale to come up with his winner, and takes us home:

I thought I should glance at his photo although the spew had already spoken. With stomach settled, I looked at the drrty girl on the left, and felt good enough to work up a slippery fantasy, one with her enhanced breasts supporting the last bottle of the 'bird, and my eating a line of cheetos off that tummy. but then, i opened my eyes again to see glinty, as if for the first time. his spaced out expression and chinpubes caused a lurch in the gut, and then I was sickeningly drawn to the peacocking sparkly stuff -- the double earrings, the bracelet, the jesus bling, shiny hair and forehead and that damned, oh that damned belt buckle.....and I barfed again, and again. Oh, Glinty, you are the king of douche. you have ruined another bathroom.

Excellent work people. We've made serious progress here on our quest to expose the 'bags of the world and the hotties who love them. We have enriched society today. We have brought good into the world. I commend you all for your hard work on this endeavor. It is never easy on our stomachs looking at the utterly rank scrotes in these pics and the deep psychological pain of the hotties who seem happy to be in their presence. But soldier on we must.

And continue onward we shall. Just as soon as I pour another cup o' Night Train...

With apologies to James Taylor (sung to "Fire and Rain"):

Now I've seen collars and I've seen gel...
I've seen douchey scrotes that I thought would never sell...
I've seen ranky hand rings and Jesus bling from Hell...
but I still really want to punch this douchebag in the face...

Okay, that last line doesn't rhyme. But it's true. It's so true.

I'm still working on tabulating the final results for our HCwDotM contest which is going to be extremely close. In the meantime, enjoy yet another completely rank PinkBag.

This rubberband mouthed pink polo wearing freak not only needs to show off his skinny-ass chest but is making one of the more bizarre facial expressions we've seen lately. I don't know if that face is exactly D.B., but it's definitely annoying. And just being annoying is like a parallel tract to the douchebag. It's enough to score some points on the DB scale. His hand gesture and that utterly noxious shirt put him over the top.

Mmm... lovely latina breasts make the DB1 feel warm and gooey inside. Like microwave pizza.

Tonguebags really need their own special subsection of the site because it's like an instant transformation from average shlub into douchebag with one simple gesture. They're not really pure essence of douche per se, but in the moment the photo is taken, they make the tiniest gesture that's like a window into their 'baggy soul.

It's like the tongue is the gateway drug of douchebaggery. It's the first step down the long, dark path that leads to the 'Bag Dark Side. Soon there will be shiney oily foreheads and unbuttoned red silk shirts in this little scrote's future.

I love this little coconut. I'd wrap her in tinfoil and send her down a waterslide, then cover her with raisins and nuzzle her middle toes.

This 'bag is like a cross between Michael Rappaport and a crate filled with overripe oranges. Not to mention his head is crazy big. Like mack truck big. That pink glow coming from his face and chest area is sort of that day-glo paint color. He's not just shiny he's also eminating a pinkish light. They could sell his forehead in the "40 watt soft-pink" section of lightbulbs at Home Depot.

Floppy Hat Hottie is all sorts of dirrty. She love me long time.

Keep that voting going for the HCwDotM! Only 24 hours to go.

I just got back from a weekend wedding down in Baja, Mexico and reading the comments in the HCwDotM thread was downright hilarious. Props to everyone who voted, just quality deductive reasoning being used on the nasty doucheyness of those four scrotes and their hotties (or in Holy Grail's case, his female friend).

Because this is a crucial vote I'm keeping the voting open through end of day Monday, so make sure to get your votes in if you haven't already. Weigh in not only on the douchebaggery but also the mix of doucheyness and hotness. This is a tough one. But we are here to examine the unholy stench of douchebags and the hot chicks who love them, and we must be relentless in that pursuit. Never say die. Never give up.

I'm also gonna do a hottie "playofs" later in the week whereby we pick the hottest of hot chicks to appear on this site. The only requirement being that they appear with at least a marginal 'bag in their photo. So if you have any faves, let me know (DBOut, I know you love that dark haired beauty from a few weeks back).

Okay that it. The hungover DB1 has gotta unpack.

Okay fellow 'bags, here it is. Since this week's HCwDotW is pretty much a given, I've included Glinty in the competition.

This one is fierce. This one is viscious. This is the ultimate in scuzzbucket showdowns. Have at it, people, and be sure to offer your reasons why you made the choice you did. To make it more fair, I'm not including any additional commentary. I will let the noxious stains of the rank douchosity fill the air on the merits of their own douchebaggery and hottie accompaniment. And just because Glinty is the newest member of the competition, don't let that bias you. Look at each HCwD pic again with fresh eyes. Allow the rank poisons of douchitude to roll over you. Enjoy the hotness (or lack of) of their accompanying hotties. Mix it all together and find the rankest of the rank HCwD pic of them all.

HCwD Finalist #1: Glinty McBag

























HCwD Finalist #2: Mellonhead

























HCwD Finalist #3: The Holy Grail of Douche
















HCwD Finalist #4: Yeesh























God damn we've had some A-List HCwD pics this month, have we not? Major props have to go to all the regulars who've been scouring the web and finding these douchey gems for me. Great work, people. I'll never feel clean again.

Voting will be open all weekend, and we'll crown our winner on Monday. Seriously, with quality pics like these, this site is going to have a high standard to live up to in the coming weeks. Then again, I'll be so trashed on Night Train and Thunderbird, sittin' around my livingroom on my stained carpet, smokin' butts and staring at the water stains on my ceiling, I don't think I'll have too much of a problem.

Have at it, kids. I'm off to get an early, and very alcoholic, start to my weekend.

Yearrrggg!!! Me mateys like to put thumbtacks in our ears and pierce our lower lips before we swarb the decks and pour us a flagon of Bud Light!! Yearrrgg!!

Yes, that's a thumbtack in this scrote's ear.

It's bad enough this cutie is cuddling this big-faced smug little twerp like she's in heat. But the thumbtack in the ear. Maybe we could pin his head to a billboard advertising how to be a total 'bag. And what's with the zebra-print background? It's some skeezy 70s porno set. Only with thumbtacks. In people's ears.

Okay, who let Schneider from "One Day at a Time" into the Playboy mansion? And tell me these two luscious papayas aren't related?

Look at that smug smirk this greasy middle aged douchebag is giving me. He's saying, "Yeah, that's right. I'm here cuddling with two Playboy hotties and you're at home sitting on your rug sipping Irish Rose out of a plastic cup and wishing you were in the presence of these four Downey fresh pillows."

And my response to this lifeless nose-tissue?

"Smirk it up, grinny, because there's no chance in hell either of these two gave you so much as the time of day after this pic was taken." At least that's what I'm gonna tell myself. While I go bang my head against the wall.

"Chris" writes in to say:

Can you come up with something besides Bleething.. your reference is being overused and becoming annoying. It was funny when it was a cautionary tale now its just a tired insult, Its like every write up is a repeat of the previous one.. I read your website to laugh and you desperately need some new insults..

Dear "Chris": When it's your hottie getting bleethed by some hairy scrotebag, you might understand that what I do here is a public service. I'm shining a light on the cockroaches that patrol the clubs and swarm the hotties with their overpowering Axe bodyspray, greasy clothes and oily foreheads.

But yeah, I'll work on some new stuff.

I'm not sure but this could be that Nick Lachey looking mofo from last week's MTV Douche World pic and the hottie as well. In fact I'm pretty sure they're both making a second appearance here at HCwD.

We can practically see the Bleeth Infection spreading from the douchebaggery of this total scrote into the hottie through the use of Bag Hand Gestures #12 and #18. She's a solid stage 2 and about to jump to stage 3 where not even The Debleether can save her and her surgically enhanced pillows.

As to the scrote, anyone who wears their shirt pulled up and over their head like this utterly rank piece of uberdouche deserves a special circle in douchebag hell.

How many hottie butts are in the background of this pic? I count at least two.

Proving that the power of the douchebag transcends across all races, religions and ethnicities, here we find a greasy scrote Bleething up a sweet faced little tart.

This Helen Hunt looking hottie is all sorts of good. Sweet smile, nice eyes, probably smells fantastic.

And then there's chest-boy here busting out the Moses Bling. Which I kinda dig. If there's Jesus Bling all over the clubs, why not bust out a little Moses power?

Getting back to our guido roots here at HCwD, here are two spikey haired Jerseybags surrounding just a fantastic sweet little princess with zero signs of Bleeth infection. She must have an anti-Bleeth gene or something. To be physically touching both of these scrotes and remain unaffected, it's like she's got douchebag kryptonite or something.

Her healthy bosom makes me want to dance around a maypole while singing Irish hymns then nibble on her elbow for six days. As to the Jersey scrotes, I feel greasy just looking at them. Did the cactus bag on the left actually grease up his chest?

My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord...

And a hairy GorillaBag as well. Get out of the pic, GorillaBag!

So should we call the HCwDotW voting for next week right now? I think we have a winner.

Really, what can else can I add? Jesus bling, greased forehead, facial pubes, creepy stare, and a Ginger/MaryAnn combo inverted 'bag sandwich of whoriness and sweetness.

The glint off this rank Ryan Douchecrest's glittery belt buckle sends the pic into a new stratosphere of doucheyness. Megods.

And the sweetly smiling dark haired hottie on the left makes my fillings ache. As does the one on the right. And then there's douchebag. Which makes me want to cry.

But that's what this site is about. The karmic pain of pics like this to motivate all of us through another working day.

No other way to describe this dweeb than a ghostbag. He deserves his own category. He's not a douchebag in any traditional sense, but for making that face when two gorgeous hotties are about to lick him renders him worthy of serious ass kicking. And the green shirt. That Olive Garden tablecloth looking shirt. I just hope he kept the free breadsticks.

You ladies may be underage, and to paraphrase Turtle in "Entourage", I can't talk to highschool girls, sweeties. Call me in a year.

My brain, addled by too much Thunderbird, has been kicking around some ideas for additions to our neverending quest to expose douchebaggery wherever we find it and the hotties who love them.

First thing is definitely a scoring system, something one of the fellow 'bags suggested in one of the threads. Definitely needs to be done. Greasy forehead, hat tilt, collar, sunglasses, facial fungus, Jesus bling, all can be ranked on a scale to tally up a score for a douchebag's rank. And by rank, I mean their rank rank.

Hotties too. Stages of the Bleeth can be measured. This'll take some thought, and while I'll be busy over the next few weeks (doing some traveling but will still be updating frequently) it's something I know if we put our douchey heads together, we can all come up with.

Also figured it's time to do a HCwD FADQ (Frequently Asked Douchebag Questions). What are some standard questions that need answering?

Of course then I gotta figure out how to HTML code some new pages into this template, but I'm sure after sitting around on my stained rug, drinking way too much Irish Rose and eating way too many ho-hos, I'll find a way through.

I'm gonna have nightmares about this toothy mound of bagitude for months. He's like a Fraggle. Definitely a muppet-based life form.

These three hotties know how to party, that's for sure. I'll bet each of them have been hate-banged in their day. And loved it. Not sure what they're doing with this toothy cloth creation, but I guess Kermit needs love too.

I especially enjoy the glimpse of perfect pink cleavage that the cutie on the left is giving me. Thank you, Blondie McBusty. You've made my morning.

I should've learned to play the guitar... I should've learned to play them drums...

But really, who gives a douchey pair of sunglasses about Longhair Rockbag here? Lets ignore the turd and celebrate the two sexy balls of hummus on the left.

Such perfect teeth. Such winsome smiles. I would read them Petrarchian poems by candlelight then massage their thighs with crisco. In fact I should just crop out Chris Robindouche here altogether. Nice ruffly red silk shirt, scuzzrocket.

There seems to be an uptick in tonguebags lately. Looking at this douchey double-chinned 'bag polluting this sweet, pure, nordic beauty at what appears to be a hockey game makes me want to slapshot his face with a puck.

At least tonguebag here doesn't have the douchey 10 degree cap tilt, which makes him more like a sports-douche, somewhere in the nether regions between the fratbag and the yuppie oldbag. So he's not pure douche, so to speak. But this chicka was such a cutie I had to include the pic.

Besides, the DB1's supplies are running low. Any great HCwD pics out there? Send 'em my way so I don't have to troll through the steaming pile of douche that is MySpace. Douchebag1 awaits your emails.

Here's famed Mexican wrestler Doucho Libre out of costume and partying it up with the hotties. Or at least the semi-hotties. Doucho here has all the classic bag signs, the untucked douchey shirt revealing that macho chest and pucca shell necklace, the greasy hair with curious bald-spot, and the pornstar facial hair. Rock on, Doucho!

Notice the tall brunette's hand on doucho's butt. She does have luscious abs, I must say. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs... (yeah I've made that joke before, but for this chicka, I'll make it again).

In the end, anyone who's facial hair resembles a porn-star's crotch has douche-powers that can overwhelm mere mortals. Factor in the glasses and the hotness of this luscious little grape, and Mellonhead here was the solid winner of the HCwDotW.

douche vader surmises the tough competition and comes up with the following analysis:

Douche Rodman would be ideal, except for he's hanging out with a bunch of cross dressers, so the HC factor is instantly wiped out on the equation for him. Then you see bag #3 and think "Hmmmm... He's got real potential with the Douche Suit Riot he's got going on...". And how about the MTV Real Bags? These old bags are a chip off the 'ol scrote... But, alas, my vote has to go to Mellonhead for wearing the same Douchey sunglasses that people ages 80 and up like to wear while road-tripping cross country in their Buick Le Sabres. Not to mention the little bit of pubes he shaved from his taint and glued on to his chin, but that also factors in huge on the DB side of the equation. Furthermore, I think that Mellonhead might be wearing one of Mr. Roger's sweaters, circa 1986. You also have to factor in the fact that this 'bag has also managed to infect his hottie with an initial injection of the Bleeth, seen in this photo as she throws a casual limited edition (and DB collector's item) hand sign variation #56-E. So, in summary, good luck Mellonhead in becoming the Douche of the Week and may the force be with you!

Nicely done, D.V! mickey o'douche throws some love towards the Foot 'Bag:

So, I've got to vote for #3 the football scrote. the drunken red eyes, the gangbanger wack expression, the grotesque chinstrap, and more than anything, the sweet, sweet chica on his arm.

There was lots of love for Pinky McBag across the board, making me think we need to bring him back down the road in a battle of the 'bags who wear pink. Maybe we can do color-coded playoffs, the lime-greens versus each other, that sorta thing.

doucheolio makes the case for Mellonhead, and gives a shoutout to Pinky:

Mellonhead absolutely has to be the big winner this week! There's no way you can get doucheier than by growing a beaver pelt on your chin and donning the full scrote glasses. I think I would have gone for Pinky McBag had he made the final cut - but he didn't - so thanks DB1 for making my pick that much easier. This douche is the clear winner because he's a solo douche - not like the MTV bags who hit you on both sides.

As lower case bag breaks it down nuance style, and ultimately goes for the hottie vote in #4::

so here's the thing. shout-out bags and smirk bags are like apples and oranges. they infuriate me in different ways at different times. and for me to have to rank them is really difficult. i would've said that they're equally douchey, if not for the fact that i like bag #4's hottie better. why? she's wearing the least amount of bodily apparel of all the hotties in this week's contestants. and she has big tits. so, um yeah.

And Matt takes it home:

The UK vote goes to Bag #2. Cone headed twat.

There it is. Good work people, thanks to everyone who voted. We've annointed another winner into the HCwD Hall of Shame. Methinks the 'Bag of the Month contest should be intense. It's going up later this week, as we relive all the past winners and find out who can take home the Scrotey/Hottie crown.

Well it looks like the hottie from what may just be the winning HCwDotW pic happens to have a thing for posing with douchebags. She also has a thing for posing with her head leaning forward, her hair swept over her shoulder, and a sexy-ass look on her face that says, "Hello DB1. I'd like to roll with you in a pit of jello then play butt bongo until 4am but with twinkies as our drumsticks." Uhm,... you all get that out of her look, right? It's not just me?

This creepy serial killer with the Mack hat at proper 'bag 10 degree tilt, scares me. His body says "douchebag," but his eyes say "really big douchebag." I'm also digging the chocolate cutie on the right. It's like a hottie egg cream with a douchebag center.

Many great Hindi gurus believe that if you pray and meditate long enough, enlightenment can be attained through visions that come to the third eye, located inside the forehead.

The douchebag correlary to this philosophy is, of course, the third eyebrow, located on the lower lip. After enough 'bag practice, enough Tag bodyspray, goofy facial expressions and bad haircuts, douche Nirvana can be found through this metaphorical third eyebrow.

Clearly we are in the presence of a deeply spiritual douchebag who has found such 'bag enlightenment through the fungus on his lower lip. He's even attracted this cutie, who looks mildly repulsed to be in his presence. But she should rejoice, for she has found a truly enlightened douchebag.

For months I've been getting emails asking why The Federline hasn't made an appearance here at HCwD. There are a number of reasons why this skank hasn't graced the pages of this site. First and foremost, he's so freaking obviously a douchebag that to point it out is kinda like saying Paris Hilton has crabs. Everyone already knows it.

Secondly, I'm not so sure The Britney currently constitutes a "hot chick" what with the trailer trash skank look she's been cultivating.

Thirdly, this site has mainly been about the everyday HCwDs, the 'bags who troll around in clubs then divebomb and surround the cuties, infecting them with their douchey taint. While we do study the celebrity warning stories like that of the Bleeth and the Grieco, and of course the Baio and the Anderson, those are more our cautionary tales. Our Aesop's Douchey Fables, if you will.

But still, the Federline persists in existing as a templated uber-douche. So lets add him to the lexicon. Given his overt white trashness, I hereby dub the Federline, "The Trash 'Bag." Let us all marvel in his douchey presence. And hereby grant him exalted status in the pantheon of douchebag.

Another toughie this week, tough even to get down to the final three so I went with four finalists. If there's a groundswell for one of the HCwDs I didn't pick, let me know and I can expand voting.

Douchebag #1:


There's no way Douche Rodman here was going to miss the finals. Just like his NBA counterpart, this tall cup o' grease makes it to the final round based purely on natural talent. The dog tags alone make this rank pile of douchosity a HCwDotW candidate. And that face. That utterly rank douchey face. The chickas lack of hotness may cost this 'bag the victory, however. Is that Bret Michaels on the right?



Douchebag #2:


Mellonhead here is a damn fine douchebag. Like a fine douche wine, he only gets 'baggier with age. Just looking at him makes me involuntarily clench my fists and cry out in existential pain. How does a 'bag like this exist, let alone get a cutie like this juicy little guava?

It hurts, man. It hurts.












Douchebag #3:


The Foot 'Bag here just has to be in the Finals what with his essence-du-Jersey just wafting from the screen like a pile of douchebag roadkill. I also gotta include this scrote because his chicka makes my heart go pitter patter. I want to snowboard down a cliff then do a triple lindig into her lap. She makes the DB1 want to give up Night Train and enroll in community college at DeVry so he can get a job in Video Gaming like the ad says. Almost.







Douchebag #4:

I had to go with the cast of MTV's "The Douche World" for a fourth option. There was just no way I could leave these toejams off the list. And with that bosomy goodness in between the two 'bags... megods, it's the ultimate in classic 'bag sandwich formation.









Special honors go to The Angry 'Bag, Pinky McBag, the Sun 'Bag and Inigo Montdouchebag, who just missed the cut (it really was a tough week). If any of these utterly rank scrotes strike you as more worthy, simply write in the candidate in the comments section.

So is your weekend as spanky as this guy's?

I think that last pic was a good one to head into the weekend on. Monday's "Bag of the Week" contest is going to be a toughie, I can already tell. It's gonna be hard enough for me to reduce the options to a top three as this week was uber-bagalicious and hottie filled.

Your humble narrator in all things douchey/hottie has a fun weekend planned with friends. If I get any pics from my adventures in Douchetown (otherwise known as Los Angeles) I will post. Otherwise, may your weekend be filled with hotties and Night Train, and douche-free.

Oh, and get ready for a "Douchebag of the Month" contest later next week where we'll pit the winners of previous contests against each other. We need a douchebag trophy or something to send to the winner. Although "winner" is probably not the right choice of wording for that prize. More like champion scuzzbuckety scumbag.

And, as always, if you find that perfect combo of douchosity and hotness, send it in to me at douchebag1.

- DB1

My eyeballs are melting.

I don't even know where to start. Do I start in on the 'bag hand gestures? Or the bosomly cutie exhibiting dangerous Bleeth infection? The douchey necklace? The Nick Lachey 'bag lookalike? Hair gel? Or even The Rock's scuzzy younger brother in the background?

I'm overwhelmed. I'm speechless. And when I stare into that firm, busty goodness, I'm happy too. Such conflicting HCwD emotions can kill a guy.

Lets call them all scrotes and call it a day.

Seeing a girl's boobie, even partially revealed, can be a big moment in a young douchebag's life. For Suity McBag here it's clearly an eye opening experience.

With his posse in the back holding down the fort, he's got a clean glance down this round faced wholesome all-American cheerleader's dress. And he's making the most of it. Good for you, Suity!

I especially enjoy the hatted douchebag in the back's slick-ass pencil thin sideburns. Note also the ubiquitous red cup, making yet another appearance as the official Cup O' Fratboy.

This pic goes out to all you cubicle dwellers who need a good laugh on a Friday. And what better to laugh at then a burning fireball of utter skank douchosity mixing with a stage 2/3 Bleether busting out 'bag hand gesture #41?

I don't know how you get through life with a giant cantelope head, facial hair growth that looks like a porn-star's crotch and the 'baggiest sunglasses this side of... well... a douchebag sunglass conference.

This sexy pinapple is tragically infected by the Bleeth. Little can be done to help her. She is overpowered by the douchebag forces of this rank 'bag. His facial pubes alone are crawling with Grieco. Poor girl.

Thanks to DB Out for the pic.

Dog kicks in another classic in douchebaggery, with this cute little chicka on the left busting the early signs of a stage 3 Bleeth infection and this spikey hairtard apparently wearing a scarf around his neck. Yes, a scarf around his neck.

Did I mention the scarf around his neck?

Yes he's probably gay. But that doesn't make him any less of a 'bag. They do have good taste in musicals, though. I'm a big "Sweeney Todd" fan. Although less so, knowing a total 'bag like this scuzznut went to see it. Girl on the right just looks so innocent and sweet. Not to mention showing the type of cleavage I would celebrate through the ancient art of Kabuki dance. I notice he's also already given her a pearl necklace (figured I'd save you regulars the time to make that obvious joke).

Poor stage 3 Bleether. I think she's beyond hope.

Looks like Pinky found a couple of douchey friends to form a semi-rare triple 'bag wrap formation around this poor, sweet little belly bearing carrot stick.

Note the reappearance of the pucca-shell necklace, the color coordinated pink and green shirt to hat look, and of course baldy McAbercrombie on the right.

So what are the 'bags looking at? My guess: A holy apparition of the Ghost of Grieco himself. Formed in a giant beer stain on the faux wood paneling on the wall of their douche-bar. The Grieco appears only to those most faithful of douchebags. He can not be photographed in his apparition form. We can only see those who see Him.

All hail The Ghost of Grieco.

I don't know how hot these chickas are, but they're certainly cute enough and the douchiness of this utter 'bag cements this pic as worthy of deep HCwD respect.

Dogtags-as-fashion-statement? Check. Douchey sunglasses? Check. Urge to make DB1 throw his TV set out a window? Check. Look at those wired eyes. This 'bag's like Dennis Rodman on crank.

And to sully a Corona no less, one of my favorite beers. Not to mention busty on the right there looks to be a solid stage 2 Bleether. Just rank douchiness. I need a shower after looking at this.