Monday, June 19, 2006
Douchebag of the Week
Another toughie this week, tough even to get down to the final three so I went with four finalists. If there's a groundswell for one of the HCwDs I didn't pick, let me know and I can expand voting.
Douchebag #1:
There's no way Douche Rodman here was going to miss the finals. Just like his NBA counterpart, this tall cup o' grease makes it to the final round based purely on natural talent. The dog tags alone make this rank pile of douchosity a HCwDotW candidate. And that face. That utterly rank douchey face. The chickas lack of hotness may cost this 'bag the victory, however. Is that Bret Michaels on the right?
Douchebag #2:
Mellonhead here is a damn fine douchebag. Like a fine douche wine, he only gets 'baggier with age. Just looking at him makes me involuntarily clench my fists and cry out in existential pain. How does a 'bag like this exist, let alone get a cutie like this juicy little guava?
It hurts, man. It hurts.
Douchebag #3:
The Foot 'Bag here just has to be in the Finals what with his essence-du-Jersey just wafting from the screen like a pile of douchebag roadkill. I also gotta include this scrote because his chicka makes my heart go pitter patter. I want to snowboard down a cliff then do a triple lindig into her lap. She makes the DB1 want to give up Night Train and enroll in community college at DeVry so he can get a job in Video Gaming like the ad says. Almost.
Douchebag #4:
I had to go with the cast of MTV's "The Douche World" for a fourth option. There was just no way I could leave these toejams off the list. And with that bosomy goodness in between the two 'bags... megods, it's the ultimate in classic 'bag sandwich formation.
Special honors go to The Angry 'Bag, Pinky McBag, the Sun 'Bag and Inigo Montdouchebag, who just missed the cut (it really was a tough week). If any of these utterly rank scrotes strike you as more worthy, simply write in the candidate in the comments section.
Douchebag #1:
There's no way Douche Rodman here was going to miss the finals. Just like his NBA counterpart, this tall cup o' grease makes it to the final round based purely on natural talent. The dog tags alone make this rank pile of douchosity a HCwDotW candidate. And that face. That utterly rank douchey face. The chickas lack of hotness may cost this 'bag the victory, however. Is that Bret Michaels on the right?
Douchebag #2:
Mellonhead here is a damn fine douchebag. Like a fine douche wine, he only gets 'baggier with age. Just looking at him makes me involuntarily clench my fists and cry out in existential pain. How does a 'bag like this exist, let alone get a cutie like this juicy little guava?
It hurts, man. It hurts.
Douchebag #3:
The Foot 'Bag here just has to be in the Finals what with his essence-du-Jersey just wafting from the screen like a pile of douchebag roadkill. I also gotta include this scrote because his chicka makes my heart go pitter patter. I want to snowboard down a cliff then do a triple lindig into her lap. She makes the DB1 want to give up Night Train and enroll in community college at DeVry so he can get a job in Video Gaming like the ad says. Almost.
Douchebag #4:
I had to go with the cast of MTV's "The Douche World" for a fourth option. There was just no way I could leave these toejams off the list. And with that bosomy goodness in between the two 'bags... megods, it's the ultimate in classic 'bag sandwich formation.Special honors go to The Angry 'Bag, Pinky McBag, the Sun 'Bag and Inigo Montdouchebag, who just missed the cut (it really was a tough week). If any of these utterly rank scrotes strike you as more worthy, simply write in the candidate in the comments section.
Comments:
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Me votes for Mellonhead, 'bag #2. It's not so much that the chicka is hot, nor her hand gesture #41, but the vag-patch & grandad glasses the douchebag is sporting puts him over the edge.
Smug little fuck, ain't he?
Bagbalm
Smug little fuck, ain't he?
Bagbalm
# posted by 
: 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
Like I said in my last post, I thought "Mellonhead" was a lock but then DB1 broke the douche levy with 2005 MTV's Sausage Fest.
The combination of greeeezy guido meatheads and hottie funbags is like a douche supernova.
#4 gets my vote.
DB OUT!
The combination of greeeezy guido meatheads and hottie funbags is like a douche supernova.
#4 gets my vote.
DB OUT!
My vote is for #2. The sunglasses plus the fuzz on his chin...how douchier can ya get?
# posted by : 11:34 AM
: 11:34 AM
hOLY CHRIST!!! my vote goes to douchebag #2. just look at that melonhead!!! also, the chick is quite hot (for a bleether).
# posted by : 11:56 AM
: 11:56 AM
we got an intense competition of smirk bags v.s. shout-out bags here. bag #1 looks like he was temporarily unconscious when the photo was taken. sad.
now the 2 major smirk bags are foot bag and mellonhead. and i have to say, foot bag seems to have perfected the "i don't care" signature smirk of smirk bags better than mellonhead, who gets extra points for that miserable iron curtain over his eyes, but not enough extra points to infuriate me like foot bag does.
but wait! what's that in bag #4?! can't... process... this... much... douche... through... my... brain... damn.
so here's the thing. shout-out bags and smirk bags are like apples and oranges. they infuriate me in different ways at different times. and for me to have to rank them is really difficult. i would've said that they're equally douchey, if not for the fact that i like bag #4's hottie better. why? she's wearing the least amount of bodily apparel of all the hotties in this week's contestants. and she has big tits. so, um yeah.
so summarily, my vote is for bag #4, which isn't as much a bag vote as it is a hottie vote. this is probably the most difficult vote i've made yet.
now the 2 major smirk bags are foot bag and mellonhead. and i have to say, foot bag seems to have perfected the "i don't care" signature smirk of smirk bags better than mellonhead, who gets extra points for that miserable iron curtain over his eyes, but not enough extra points to infuriate me like foot bag does.
but wait! what's that in bag #4?! can't... process... this... much... douche... through... my... brain... damn.
so here's the thing. shout-out bags and smirk bags are like apples and oranges. they infuriate me in different ways at different times. and for me to have to rank them is really difficult. i would've said that they're equally douchey, if not for the fact that i like bag #4's hottie better. why? she's wearing the least amount of bodily apparel of all the hotties in this week's contestants. and she has big tits. so, um yeah.
so summarily, my vote is for bag #4, which isn't as much a bag vote as it is a hottie vote. this is probably the most difficult vote i've made yet.
gotta agree with doucheholio -- Pinky McBag was world class -- a pink/mesh trucker's cap, for the love of douche! but given that pinky's out of the running, I'm a little undecided. All of these 'bags, seen together, make me want to douse myself with gasoline and light up, just to end the pain. #2 would have my vote, if it weren't for the fact that I think it's a costume party, and he's dressing up as a dead punk rocker from the 80s, complete with dead bit of scrote attached to the chin -- it looks like a fakie. So, I've got to vote for #3 the football scrote. the drunken red eyes, the gangbanger wack expression, the grotesque chinstrap, and more than anything, the sweet, sweet chica on his arm.
Mickey O'Douche
Mickey O'Douche
# posted by : 3:25 PM
: 3:25 PM
This was a tough week and I was almost sure that Pinky was going to make the cut... He had my vote all the way... But, I am going to have to make the best with the lumps of 'bag butter that we have here... Douche Rodman would be ideal, except for he's hanging out with a bunch of cross dressers, so the HC factor is instantly wiped out on the equation for him. Then you see bag #3 and think "Hmmmm... He's got real potential with the Douche Suit Riot he's got going on...". And how about the MTV Real Bags? These old bags are a chip off the 'ol scrote... But, alas, my vote has to go to Mellonhead for wearing the same Douchey sunglasses that people ages 80 and up like to wear while road-tripping cross country in their Buick Le Sabres. Not to mention the little bit of pubes he shaved from his taint and glued on to his chin, but that also factors in huge on the DB side of the equation. Furthermore, I think that Mellonhead might be wearing one of Mr. Roger's sweaters, circa 1986. You also have to factor in the fact that this 'bag has also managed to infect his hottie with an initial injection of the Bleeth, seen in this photo as she throws a casual limited edition (and DB collector's item) hand sign variation #56-E. So, in summary, good luck Mellonhead in becoming the Douche of the Week and may the force be with you!
# posted by : 4:13 PM
: 4:13 PM
Tough, tough choice here. Obviously I'm not alone in saying this is the hardest "'Bag o' The Week" pick yet. It's not that these are the douchiest 'bags we've seen so far, but the playing field is just so level. This week's lineup has been the murderer's row of douche, each one worse than the last--now who should be the "Babe Douche" of the bunch? (Or would you prefer Douche Gehrig?)
I'm voting for #3. He's just got the look DOWN. And the beard is the needle thin icing on the douchecake.
I'm voting for #3. He's just got the look DOWN. And the beard is the needle thin icing on the douchecake.
I'm voting for Douche #3 on this one. Tough week this week. It was a really tough decision. I'm going with 3 because: 1. This guy is a total douche. Cocky stare, pencil thin crap on his chin, and huge flowing collar really set him off, but what made the vote for me was the chicka. She's hot and she doesn't seem to be in any stage of Bleethification.
# posted by : 7:48 PM
: 7:48 PM
On second thoughts, though I think sweeney tard deserved a shot, he would ultimately have came up short...way short to 'bag #2.
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