I used to have a term for those college parties where everyone stood around clutching a red cup in someone's dirty kitchen. I called them "College Parties Where Everyone Stands Around Clutching a Red Cup in Someone's Dirty Kitchen" parties.

Because I wasn't into the whole brevity thing.

Who knew the blond kid from "Growing Pains" would grow up to be a total 'bag? I especially dig the douche in the background. Nothing says "party" like scoring some free cereal.

This wholesome southern looking sweetie looks like one of those secret dirrty girls. And thank God for the secret dirrty girls. They made college so damn enjoyable for DB1, I'm getting misty just remembering those times. Then I see this blond 'bag, and I just want to yuke.

It's been rough since Smashing Pumpkins broke up. Therefore it's nice to see Billy Corgan is bouncing back by finding love with a sultry, dark haired hottie.

Note the ubiquitousness of Bud Light. I'm convinced there's a 'bag connection here. In fact, from here on out, Bud Light is the official "Beer of Douchebags."

Yeeps, this dude is creepy.

Or, as I like to call this pic, the "Bahohobaba". I think I need a superhero persona I can slip into at times like these so I can fly in and rescue these two cuties from the encroaching Bleeth being transmitted to them by the touch o' douchitude from these two utter 'bags.

Look at red cap 'bag here, practicing the 'bag headbutt while creepily fondling his girlfriend's neck. Megods they need rescuing, stat.

Maybe I could call myself "The DeBleether." By day, a mild mannered douchebag1, sipping my Night Train wine and lying around on my stained rug in my basement hovel. By night I transform into the DeBleether, rescuing hotties from the clutches of douchebags everywhere. I need like a costume or something.

Nah. Being a superhero's too much work. I'll just sit here and rag on their boyfriends. That's almost as much fun.

I'm not 100%, but I believe this is Pac-Douche making yet another appearance in an inverted 'bag sandwich formation. The hotness of these two sexy little gidgets makes my teeth ache. His douchey facial expression makes me want to toss a dwarf into his head.

Because nothing satisfies an angry urge like a dwarf toss.

Well it was a close vote this week, lots of worthy candidates. It looked for awhile that Grinny McBag had it in the, well, bag but then this douchetacular turd pictured here made a late charge and won the vote. As magician summed it up:

I can't help but keep laughing at Douchebag #4's futile attempts to defend his idiocy. (From here on called: crybaby bag)

Seriously, the guy is a waterfall consisting out of douche. I bet the hottie left of him is holding that cup there to catch the sheer drops of douche that are leaking out of his, err, gaping hole.

Checklist o'douche. Sticky, fat hair in clone haircut no: 1344532. Check. Complete lack of taste or backbone. Check. Innept enough to send his "friends" to comment on an internet statement that simply conducts to reality. Triple-@#$@ing-check. Retarted friends: Check. Drives a crappy car: Check. Gay-trance look: Check. Shaved eyebrows: Double check.

S'cool
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Tool

<----- Crybaby bag; completely off the charts.

Ouch. Magician with the total and complete smackdown, old-school style. Guess it was Crybaby Bag sending his friends over here to defend him that put him over the top in this week's voting.

Second place went to Grinny McBag, who likely annoyed on the strength of the hotties in his douchey presence. Count Douchula and Mickey O'Douche made some strong points about Lime Green Douche, and I think everyone just felt a little sad for the alien.

Good job, fellow 'bags! Let Crybaby wear his crown for the week, and hand it off to one of this week's crop of utter douchebaggery. Among next week's choices will be "Master Bag," so hold your horses, douchestar runner.

Pac Man t-shirt. Headband. Douchey Grin.
Two super sexy hotties giving the classic 'bag almost-kiss-just-for-the-pic pose.

Don't touch ladies. This utter 'bag's got Grieco level contagousness. Yeesh.

Ask me if I like miniskirts?

No really, go ahead and ask me.

Yes.

Let it never be said that I only pick on jock and metro douchebags. Here's a crop of arty 'bags featuring some form of makeup enhanced douchebaggery that causes epileptic seizures in old ladies, small children and ferrets.

I feel unclean even being in the pixelated virtual presence of these three douchey McArtdouches. The only thing saving my brain from total meltdown is that this sexy little Asian hottie is willingly flashing her garter at the camera.

That tush may have just saved my soul.

There's so much wrong with this image it's like an instructional guide for the stages of descent into Bleeth. We have a hottie suffering from terminal Stage 3 Bleeth on the right. A cutie looking like she's only stage 2 in the middle, with some possibility for redemption. And a poor, somewhat confused hottie on the left who doesn't know how she even got there. Beware, hottie #1! Too much exposure to the scrote below you and you too will be making douchey hand gestures with a total 'baggy smirk on your face.

Below them all is a 'bag with a face like a douche sack. Smirkbag needs a shovel to the face.

And what's with all the Millter Lite cans appearing in HCwD photos lately? Must be a sale down at the Shop-N-Douche.

Woooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Sorry. Just trying to add some audio to this photo. I mean I suppose it's possible they were disussing Shakespeare at the moment this pic was snapped. But if I were a bettin' man (and I am), I'd put dollars to donuts the main verbal expression was the "Woo."

Tongue 'bag in the center is busting out the "shocker" woo. 'Bag on the left is spitting up his woo. And the total douchebag in the back looks like he's having a Woogasm.

These poor little cheerleaders need saving. Either that, or a night with me, a few plastic cups of Irish Rose, and my bustin' out the Al Green CDs and top shelf ho-hos. Poor girls. Surrounded by woo-douche.

Last night I went to a BBQ in the city and met a couple'a cuties from Texas. While guzzling beer (no Night Train, wtf?), I asked them what the appeal of the douchebag was. While both denied any personal attraction to douchebags, they did admit that the pull of the skeezy, greasy ball of douche was still very much in play with their hottie friends. They said all sorts of 'baggy hand gestures were considered "cute" and "confident" when done by an utter skeeze. So it is to them that I dedicate today's edition of HCwD.

What with my weekend of carousing I almost forgot it's time to vote for the "Douchebag of the Week." It's tough to cull out only a few nominees from last week's cesspool of douchey dumbasses and the hotties who love them, but here goes. Please vote in the comments section, and if you don't see your favorite from last week you can always write in your vote.

Douchbag #1:


Grinny McBag here still pisses me off a week later. But it's probably because he gets to touch Flight Attendant Hottie there while I'm currently touching my scrote. Point, Grinny.






Douchebag #2:


Lime green Abercrombe Douchebag still makes my skin itch, and not just because he's got a picture of a naked dude at the top of his Christmas tree. It's because that skuzznut gets two beautiful little Santa's helpers to cuddle with. All while wearing a matching color coordinated outfit. Somebody please fire extinguish this douche. Oh and blondie? I love you. I mean I know we just met, but I love you.


Douchebag #3:


Normally killer mutant aliens are exempt from douchebag status. In this case we'll make an exception.







Douchebag #4:


I had to include this total scuzz in the nominees, if only because his friends showed up and tried to "defend" his douchey ass. People, I'm sure he's a "great guy yadda yadda" but on here he's a total douchebag. Look at that pic. Douchebag.

And "B," I love you. I know we just met. But I love you.



Tough to leave off "Pink Izod Boy" and "Muppethead." Last week was a good week.

This utter skanknut may b a candidate for Douchbag of the Millenium. I haven't seen that many stains on a shirt since,... well, last night. But anyone who sports a 'stashe that utterly rank deserves potential pantheon consideration. This 'bag is like a douche phenom. Comes out of nowhere to dazzle the pros and amaze onlookers. But will his 'baggy powers last? Will he stay near the top of will his 'baggedness slowly fade over time?

All I know is that mustache is gonna haunt my dreams tonight. I can already see it. Giant mustaches chasing me through the set of "Full House" with a grown up Mary-Kate screaming at me to tell her I'm her "bitch." Because a night doesn't pass that Mary-Kate doesn't make it into at least one dream. Even one with a giant douchey mustache in it.

Since that last bag was more Dorkus Dweebus than Douchus Enormus, I think a chaser of this total 'bag here should wake us all up nicely on this Monday morning. Like a shot of douchebag espresso.

Not only is he gellin' out his hair like it's being bronzed into a Heisman Trophy mold, this skeeze is busting upturned colar, multiple bling, smirky 'bag expression, and the topper -- the bunny ears behind his girlfriend, Bag Hand Gesture #5.

I'm so distrubed by this 'bag, I can only try to take solace by staring at this cutie's lusty little bit of exposed cleavage. It makes me happy. It talks to me. It says, "DB1, it's not so bad out there! Come rub your head in my busomy goodness." I would if I could, talking cleavage.

Happy Memorial Day, fellow 'bags! I can think of no greater way to honor such a solemn holiday than by completely mocking the rank dorkiness of the douchebag to the left. I just hope his night classes at DeVry are going well. He's not really a true douchebag in the douchebaggy sense, but it's Monday and I didn't get any last nite, so I'll mock him anyway.

I would also like to pay homage to the juicy perfection of these two gorgeous little pumpkins. They reassure me that all is good in the universe. Streaked out hottie on the right kinda reminds me of a hotter Kelly Clarkson. Which works for me. Heck at this point I'd even take the actual Kelly Clarkson.

Your humble narrator on all things douchey, douchebag1 here, still recovering from my crazy adventures out on the town this weekend making fun of the 'bags and flirtin' with the hotties. Little known HCwD fun fact: Hotties are starting to figure the 'bags out. I'd like to attribute this accomplishment to all of our hard work here at HCwD observing 'bags in their native habitats. But our work is not yet done.

If in your internet adventures you stumble across a hilarious photo of a skeezebucket of utter douchosity and a luscious little peach of innocence and sexiness (pre-Bleeth), sent it my way here to douchebag1. I'm up to posting about 95% submissions now, which is good because I'm a lazy-ass mofo and I generally just like to sit around my hovel at the stains on the rug and sip my Night Train in peace.

Going out later tonight with a hottie, but I'm leaving the 'bag accoutremonts at home. Well, maybe I'll bring some Jesus bling for good luck...

More pics tomorrow.

Here's sort of a new douchey combo -- a caroon dragon t-shirt and 1960s Mod velvet sportscoat look. Factor in some spikey hair and a face that could melt rocks with its douchbaggery, and you've got a recipe for douchaster.

This cutie kinda reminds me of Mindy from "Mork and Mindy." Amazingly she's hugging this total 'bag while he kinda sits back and lets her. All of which brings up the question, why am I staring at this pic at 8am on a Saturday morning after drinking my ass off last night?

Good question. I'm going back to bed.

It's Friday so what kind of douchebag would I be if I didn't post one truly mind-blowing HCwD pic to carry us into the weekend. Here we have two scrumptuous little cuties surrounding the toothiest 'bag I've seen outside of a trucker stop on the I-5 interstate. Grinny McBag here needs a serious ass whupping. As to the Egyptian airline stewardess on the right? Yes, please.

It's hard out there for a pimp, that's all I'm saying.

For many ages, Howdy Douchey has traveled the world with one goal in mind: To achieve having his cheeks mutually kissed by two hotties long enough to record that moment in digital pixel form. This would allow Howdy Douchey to prove his worth to others using photographic evidence of his douchey powers.

Note the look of total disgust on the face of the dude in the back. That's the look on my face right now if you could see me. But that could also be because I wet myself last night after imbibing too much Night Train. Stupid Night Train.

Some men merely inhabit douchiness. They wear it like a costume. Others exude douchitude from the deepest parts of their innermost being. This is one of those special and unique douchebags.

Oh sure he's got a lame mustard yellow t-shirt on that says "Big Mistake" on it. And sure he's wearing another t-shirt underneath that t-shirt. And yes he has the Jesus bling. But don't let that fool you. This douchebag's douchebaggery is much deeper than mere surface elements. It is his core essence. It is his inner zen being.

Like the famous 1950s puppet, his eyebrows say it all. He is Howdy Douchey. And as such, his eyebrows explode with douchosity as two hotties find themselves drawn to his utter and complete douchebaggery.

We here at HCwD (okay it's just me) like to think we're not just poking hilarious fun at total scuzzbuckets and the hotties who love them. We're also doing a public service. Check this piece of fanmail I just got from one of the hotties in the much discussed pic below, "The Unholy Bag of Darkness." So whomever's complaining in that thread, it ain't this hottie:


Dear Mr. DoucheBag1,
I am thouroughly amused and slightly turned on by your douche bashing. I assume you must reside in Los Angeles becuase this is the land of 10,000 douches and no where else on earth has as much cloned trendiness, and metrosexual confusion. I just wanted to commend you and your good deeds. As a representative of the female population in Los Angeles we fear extinction of the secure, normal, male species.

Thanks,
"B"
P.S I am the gal under May 25th who is licking the douchebag's face. I know...I know.

We love you too, "B." It's definitely not too late to change course here in L.A. Consider us here at HCwD part of your twelve-step douchebag recovery program. Start now and you can prevent getting Bleethed like so many hot chicks before you.

And if you ever wanna come over to my hovel and drink some Night Train and eat some ho-hos, I can wipe the crumbs off a section of my couch for ya...

Beware the Furry-Man. Long rumored by the Iroquois Indians to contain supernatural powers, the myth of Furry-Man continues to haunt fairy tales to this day. Shamans tell stories around the campfire of Furry-Man's douchuous powers and ability to troll for hotties all across the land. No one knows where Furry-Man lives or what he eats. They only know of his legend.

This photo may or may not be proof of Furry-Man's existence. I'm sure the debate will rage on. But if this is, in fact, the first evidentiary proof of the existence of Furry-Man, this will call into question all of science's understandings of human evolution.

Is this, finally, the proof of Furry-Man's existence? The truth... is out there...

For my fellow 'bags who were speculating in the last thread about the mysterious photo on the wall behind Lime-Green Douchebag, I had cropped it out of my initial reframing to better allow us to focus on the two chipwiches. However in retrospect I should have left it in, as the photo behind this 'bag only further enhances the douchosity.

See if you can figure out what it is...

Here's another inverted 'bag sandwich featuring two particularly scrumptuous little chipwiches on either side of a rank piece of lime green douchebag. Megods stubble boy needs to be tossed out of a moving van in downtown Detroit somewhere.

But man oh Manoshevitz, look at these two hotties. I want to take voice lessons then join a choir and sing the holy praises of both blondie and raven here. They fill me with Handel's Messiah. Hallelujah!!

Then doucheboy brings me back to earth with a crashing thud. Somebody set this 'bags eyebrows on fire.

Lambada. The forbidden dance.

It's gotta suck when you're in high school and you're losing your hair before you need to shave. Even worse when you decide to wear a cobalt blue tie that happens to match your date's dress. Toss an earing into the equation, and Houston, we have a Douchebag.

God damn this sexy little spicey Latina makes me want to dance the forbidden dance then suck on her elbow for a fortnight. Of course she might be in highschool, in which case when I say "lick her elbow" I mean "make sure she's in school."

And then there are days when I just want to chug Night Train all day and stay in bed. Like after looking at this total douchebag and the two hotties kissing his douchey face.

This 'bag must have super powers. Some form of wizardry and spell casting that he learned from Dungeons and Dragons. Maybe he's got a + 4 Hottie Attractor spell or something. There's no way this pic exists in any reality based universe. Therefore I'll chalk its existence up to the satanic powers of this total and complete douchebag and go back to bed.

This probably isn't the hottest honey to be featured for our perusal here at HCwD, but this utterly rank pile of douchey sewage definitely scores through the roof on the 'bag scale. And hottie isn't so bad. She's got that sweet, midwestern "I'll spend two years getting wild every night with a different guy before settling into that job at the Pig N' Whistle" thing going for her.

As to this douchebag, wow. Featuring one of the rarer 'Bag Hand Gestures, #112, this steaming odor needs to be dropped onto a large metal spike. From a very high altitude. This 'bag is actually able to achieve his high douchosity merely through facial expression and gesture. He needs no baseball cap, dog tags, Jesus bling or upturned collar. He's pure personality douche. That's gotta count for something. As evidenced by the the look on this chick's face. You and me both, sistah.

I'm also gonna start featuring some of my favorite comments left by my fellow 'bags here on the site. Today's 'Bag Comment of the Day comes to us from Douche Czar who writes in The Bleething of a Hottie thread:

Definitely a Stage 2 Bleether... no hand gestures, multiple shirts, dog tags or headbutting. With a quick and strict intervention, she can be saved...
Love the multiple handgestures on douchebag on the right...looks like a #2 and #11 combo; a tricky manuveur that brings back memories of the famous Plashenko move from the '1980 Douche Olympics; what a classic moment that was.

11:04 AM

Nicely done, D.C.!

Also I have a question for any of you HTML experts. When you come to the site, do you automatically see the new postings or do you have to hit "refresh" to see the new posts? I'm not sure if the site caches itself and therefore return visitors don't see the latest 'bags. Not sure how to put in some code so the page will automatically not go to cache when visiting. Let me know if you're having this or any other problems accessing the site.

Someone in the comments section described the process of "Bleething" a hottie. As Fair Maiden Yasmine Bleeth has taught us, extended exposure to an infectuous 'bag such as The Grieco can cause a terminal case of female 'baggedness of which there is no return. We here at HCwD plan to explore the phenomenon of the infectuous 'bag and their affect on hotties -- what we'll term "Bleething."

Here we have an example of a hottie in the early stages of being Bleethed. She's already starting in with the baseball cap, however it is not yet tilted 10 degrees, so it's an early 'bag infection, probably only a stage 2. However the douchey facial expression means that this poor cutie is fast approaching a state of terminal Bleeth. If she doesn't decrease exposure to these two coral necklace, black shirt wearing total and complete douchebags, she may suffer the same fate as Fair Maiden Bleeth did.

More on this troubling disease and the hotties who suffer from it soon...

I'm not sure dimples on a guy are inherently douche, but then again this utterly 'baguous face makes a pretty strong argument that they might be. The neon blue shirt certainly does. The smirky douchey expression definitely clinches this stiff loser as Total 'Bag.

And then there's the hair. That ratty muppet climbing off his head. Someone stop it before it kills again!!

I'm diggin' hippie hottie, with the rasta hat and quasi-dirty but still sexy hair. I'd take her to Burning Man then barter her hat for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then make sweet, sweet love to her in the desert.

Nothing says sexy like a pink short sleeve Izod shirt. The wind swept hair and pouty expression helps too.

While the dog-tag accessory on a 'bag makes me want to set kittens on fire, a sexy little ball of cute in an army shirt brings me to my happy place. Love those eyebrows. What's she doing with this 'bag?!

That's it, I'm going to bang my head against the wall.

One of the lesser known uses for that Weed Whacker they sell on late night TV is its 'bag slicing properties. Say you're out on the town. You're having a good time. You've had a few drinks and find you're talking to a couple of cuties, when a total and complete douchebag walks up and sticks out his tongue in a freakish and disgusting way. Just pull out your Weed Whacker, fire it up, and whack away! A quick spin of the Weed Whacker and that bothersome tongue will be history.

I can't figure out why that don't advertise that function in their infomercial. Maybe I should write a letter.

Who knew 'Bag Hand Gesture #17 was capable of spreading like an airborn Douche Flu? These poor hotties have become infected with douchitude.

The 'bag's eyes look like he's been punched repeatedly in the face. By large wang.

The honey on the right is all sorts of good. The cutie on the left even makes me happy in the nether regions. And then I see this total scrote in the middle. And I curse Buddha.

I can't tell if this dude on the left actually rides the short bus or not, so I don't wanna be too harsh. But look at that neck. Megods it's like his head is a free floating weather balloon or something.

The two cuties remind me of the girls my old buddy who lives out in Dix Hills, Long Island used to date. Annoying to listen to. Great to hook up with. Here's to you, Long Island cuties. I'll tip an L.I. Iced Tea to ya.

As to neck boy, I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight knowing that that dude's out there.

Once, after a long week of going out and hitting up the Night Train, I realized I had forgot to shower. For like nine straight days. I was too drunk to notice for the first eight days, but by the ninth, the odor was too much to ignore. I bring this story up because after scratching myself on the ninth day, a flaky piece of skin fell off me that looked exactly like this total and complete douchebag.

I don't know if it's rough on this guy going through life resembling the dead skin that fell off an unshowered guy's scrote. But clearly it's not an impediment to hooking up with a sexy hottie. A hottie who's also apparently a four star general in the Air Force. Good for you, flaky scrote skin 'bag!! Keep up the good work.

See, I would'a thought Scandanavian 'Bag would've had the beter shot at winning what with the hotness level of his nordic beauty. But now that I think about it, this greasy cell-phone 'bag is everything this site exists to mock. That test pattern vest and tie inside the upturned collar clinch the deal.

Yeah I'm talkin' about you, Prom 'Bag.

So give it up for this turd bucket. The first official "Douchebag of the Week" here at HCwD.

For millenia theologists and philosophers have debated whether or not there is a God. Now, for the first time in recorded history, HCwD has uncovered the truth surrounding this age old debate. Here, for the first time is irrefutable proof:

No.

There is no God.

The evidence in this pic confirms what many skeptics have argued for centuries -- that there is no deity that watches over us and/or influences our actions. Settling this once and for all is the fact that complete and utter douchebags like these two total pieces of Euro garbage have found themselves in the presence of this gorgeous creature. It's the red scarf and mullet. No God would allow such a monstrosity to occupy the same air space as this sexy little vixen. Therefore the debate is now and finally settled.

There is no God.

The Vatican has not yet commented. Neither has the Council of Rabbinical Studies. I'm sure this photo will be received with enormous consternation among all of the world's religions. I feel for them. It will be a sobering realization that there is no God. But with evidence like this they will have to accept it and move on.

Today is a day for contemplation and reflection. A time to bow our heads as we watch the settling of this age old metaphysical debate.

Or we can just stare at this chick's cans.

This may be the tallest nine year old I've ever seen. Those ginormous ears, the upturned collar and bowl haircut, this kid's like a Douche Padawan. Incredible douche potential if he can only harness the power of the douchebag force. Use the force, Douche!!

These lovely Budweiser girls make me want to drink a beer. Off of their abs.

'Cause you're once...











Twice...













Three timessss... a douchebag....

Okay folks, time to judge who was the biggest 'bag of last week's submissions. I have no idea how to tally this up so the winner is gonna be announced by me based on a careful study of how much Night Train I can drink before arbitrarily making my pick. But you can vote by posting in this thread. I'll announce the winner sometime soon.

What, you think the rules are confusing and half-assed? Welcome to my world, beyoch.

Douchebag #1, "The Scandanavian 'Bag":


Holy crap this 'bag makes me ill.







Douchebag #2, "Prom Bag":


Someone introdue Luke Perry to the back of a shovel. Please.







Douchebag #3, "The Dude Who's Life is Far Better than Yours":


You wish you were this douchebag. Admit it.







I'm exempting the Grieco as he's a professional 'bag so shouldn't really be in this competition. Feel free to add a write-in candidate in the comments section if you don't see your favorite 'bag on here. Remember that the hotties are part of the equation too. Have at it, people. What say you, regular 'bags? "lower case bag," "DB Out," "Douche Czar" and the rest? Lets pick a winner.

And for those who missed out on The Shocker, I've recently received two more pics of our Holy Hero, the man to whom all douchebags bow. I'm waiting to figure out how best to present them, or hopefully get the go-ahead from the man himself. So have faith fellow 'bags. While we've lost some valuable pics along the way, there is still hope. Oh yes. There is still hope.

Douchebag1 here, writing from my weekend jaunt to NYC where there are surprisingly not as many douchebags as in year's past. Guess I gotta go out to Queens or Jersey to see 'em these days. Not that many in the city though. There are, however, a ton of what we'll now term "Smirkbags" (coined by our very own Douche Czar in the "Carlito's Bag" thread) wandering the city with hotties in tow. The Smirkbag is a variant of the regular generic Douchebag, but one who's hidden his doucheyness under cover. But don't worry, Smirkbags. We here at HCwD see your smirky doucheyness out there fooling the hotties. And we'll have none of it. None I say!

Saw that tall blond dude who played "Zed" in Pulp Fiction hitting on some hotties in a bar in the east village last night, and he's kind of douchey. Tried to get a camera pic for my loyal readers but it was too dark.

Be on the lookout fellow 'bags. Bring your douche-spray. They're out there. And find them we will. Oh yes, find them we will...

This total scrote makes me long for one of those 18th Century crossbows. About a hundred feet away, scope right in on that douchey smirk, and... one right through the cig.

The chickas aren't super gorgeous, but I'd drink some Night Train with 'em. Then again, I'd take Gertie down by the bus stop, these days. Maybe I should change my shirt. Six days in a row. I hear the hotties don't like the ratty smelly shirt. But they apparently like total and complete douchebags who fondle their breasts for pics.

And with that, we ride into the weekend...

First you get the power... then you get the money... then you get the women... then you become a total douchebag...

Yeah I know the quote's from "Scarface" and not "Carlito's Way." But if you put both movies in a blender, and add a whole heaping of douchebag, you get this guy.

This dude doesn't really rank too high on the 'bag scale, except that he's apparently about to stuff a french fry up his nose. He's also drinking some form of drink with a cherry in it. So moderate 'bag status has been attained.

This dark haired beauty is all sorts of hot. I'm not sure what that chain she's wearing is, exactly. But anyone who wears a black slip in public gets props from the DB1.

Who says videogame conventions are for geeks? Look at this stud. He's got it goin' on. He's got two gorgeous hotties curling up with him, and all he had to do was buy an all-day pass. Clearly this lost member of "Blur" knows how to get the ladiezzzz....

Those legs are so fantastic I just gnawed off my arm. The dark haired cutie on the left wants me. I can tell.

Your humble narrator in all things douchey here, douchebag1. I've been on the road this week, visiting my 'baggy family on the east coast and pondering deep thoughts like, "Do hotties love large metal Jesus bling?" and "Will I get more chicks if I wear a bandana OVER my backwards baseball cap tilted 10 degrees?"

This site's really taken off in the last month since it got featured on a bunch of other blogs, so thanks to all you fellow douchebags for the funny-ass comments and hilariously icky submissions. We're gonna start featuring a "Douchebag of the Month" pic, which'll basically mean the return of some of our favorite pics of utter douchosity and gut wrenching hotness comingling in all their unholy glory. So think about which pic has overwhelmed with the steaming stench of douchosity with simultaneous angelic hotness, and we'll have a vote shortly. There's some truly classic 'bag/hottie pics that we've already analyzed over our Night Train and ho-hos, and they deserve to live on in infamy right here, on the HCwD.

So lets keep ridin' the train. And if anyone's got any good stories about personal encounters with hotties and the 'bags who love 'em, send 'em my way. As well as any pics you find out there in douchebagland on the internets. Lets keep this party rollin', all night long...

-- DB1

The loyal douchebag reader who sent this pic in described looking at it as making his "ass pucker." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Hottie sandwich, with an utter 'bag in between sporing the football jersey and some form of heaping douchosity on his head that I can't begin to decipher.

Check out his fellow 'bag in crime in the back with the stains on the t-shirt. That's some quality 'baggery right there.

I would love these two hotties long time.

My freshman year in college I was hot for a cutie who looked just like this sexy red chilipepper. She lived on the same floor in my dorm. And she dated a total douchebag just like this guy.

So to Freshman Year Chicka, I say 'look at me now, beyoch!!' And to this little hottie, I say 'ditch Stubble 'Bag before you suffer from the fate of Fair Maiden Bleeth.'

She won't listen. They never listen.

I've held back on tooling on the dog tags accessory because I'm never sure if it could be real tags on a soldier coming back from overseas. And anyone who serves in the military, while not guaranteed immunity from 'bag status, certainly get greater leeway. But I'm beginning to think these dog tags aren't worn by vets. They're part of some utterly crap 'bag accessory look. So consider them in play from now on.

As to Douchey McDouche here, I'm pleased to see the high top fade is making its way back. Gonna party like its 1989 bro. Nice finger point.

I'm a big fan of the dark haired hottie look. This girl makes me celebrate life by wanting to procreate.