My freshman year in college I was hot for a cutie who looked just like this sexy red chilipepper. She lived on the same floor in my dorm. And she dated a total douchebag just like this guy.

So to Freshman Year Chicka, I say 'look at me now, beyoch!!' And to this little hottie, I say 'ditch Stubble 'Bag before you suffer from the fate of Fair Maiden Bleeth.'

She won't listen. They never listen.