DAMN! This is like the Super Bowl of Douche. Let's re-name it Doucher Bowl I. In this brutal face-off of the stankest members of the VIP section of Le Club Douche, the decision is quite difficult. Yeesh has the true heart of a Douchebag champion, and that can never be underestimated. His chica has got the melons to score him hottie points and the douche factor is pushing the limits of the scale. Then there is the shot with the Douche Hulk (a.k.a. the Holy Grail of Douche) and his husband. As an analyst on Wall Street, it is my natural reaction to downgrade this douchebag from "market perform" to "under perform" due to the fact that in this shot it is pretty much him and some chick with a dick. BLAH! Continuing on, we come across... Ahhh, yes... The reiging DB champion of the week, Melonhead. He is the Mike Tyson of Douche! He's got the jab, the douchercut, and he would even bite your f*cking ear off just to defend his hottie. He gets major points for the hotness factor, and as I said last week... The Blue Blocker shades of 80 year-old tourists throws the Douche Factor into the stratosphere. BUT... HOLD ON!... What is this here... Glinty McBag??... HOLY SHIT! This Douchebag just got upgraded to "outperform market". His Jesus bling, t-shirt that says "My Girlfriend Will Suck YOUR Dick", the hottie holding down his hand as if to say "Stop throwing the variation hand sign #214-C. You are already a Mega Douchebag and this is just not necessary to prove your douchiness!", the honky-tonk belt buckle with the bling, all the way down to the earring and slightly raised eyebrow that says to hotties "Look into my Douchey eyes you skank!"... Where's the guy that does the Tool O'Meter?? Because Glinty just broke the down thing... I tried to measure him on it and it exploded!! My vote goes to Glinty McBag... He will probably end up being Douche of the Year, Douche of the Decade, possibly even Douche of the Century. It will be like on ESPN when they do the 100 greatest stars of the sport show. Glinty will definitely make the cut!
 

It's gotta go to Glinty McBag. One,he already has the belt buckle to prove his ultra douche status. The Bling Buckle is awarded only to the cream of the crop, uber douche. Do the other douches of the week possess this honor? Methinks not.
Two, his hair is WAY spikier than the other douches. We all know, or at least should recognize, that the spikier the hair, the douchier the bag.
Three, his chicks are hot. And totally infected with the Bleeth.
How can the others even compete? Glinty is douche of the century. And probably lives in his mom's basement and works at the cell phone kiosk in the mall.
 

I think Glinty made a good run at the end of the competition... however no one, I mean NO ONE, can top a muscle head roid monkey in a sleeveless unbuttoned pink shirt. That to me absolutely seals the deal. The smug, dumbass look on his face and cheesy shades is just gravy at this point in the competition.

Go Finalist #3!!
 

I gotta go with Yeesh. He was the first of his kind and # 4 and # 2 are just rip offs of Yeesh. The bald guy is just too much of a complete assbag to win.
 

The chicks in "Glinty McBag" are so hot I can't peel my eyes from them to see what this bag even looks like so I can't vote for him.
"Holy Grail" and "Yeesh" are Douche hall of famers but there are technically no chicks in the pictures.
(Its the whole female with a penis thing that I have a problem with)
Then there's "Mellonhead" aka Douche Doggy Dogg.
The Faceshield
The Jenna Jameson pube cut on his chin.
The "somebody please punch me in the face" look.
And of course, the hippey chick.
Me likey!
My vote goes to #2, Mellonhead.

DB OUT!
 

i'm gonna have to vote for Bling bag, the only bag holding TWO hotties in the contest.

TWO hotties. both with BIG TITS. damn
 

If The Holy Grail of Douche wasn't holding such a foul-looking skank, it should go to him, but, unfortunatley (or luckily?) he is. Yeesh's hottie looks like an '80's cum dumpster, so he loses by default, although he is quite the douche specimen to be marveled for years to come. My vote goes to Glinty. Never in my life have I seen a douchier dbag. The two stunning beauties on his arm, mixed with probably the worst case accesorizing I have ever seen in my life, the agonizingly cheese-dicky t-shirt all made me want to bash my head in with a ball-pin hammer. He wins.
 

The "Glinty" is by far the rankest douche displayed, there is no doubt, but "judge ye not only on the douche" as this is "Hot Chicks with Douchebage", so consideration of the "Hot Chick" must also be made. Again though, the two females in with "Glinty" are supreme, the one female that does it for me is the one with "Yeesh", so there goes my vote, to the "Yeesh"!
The stone-cold expressionless face and body-stance, the jelled-up hair and the wrist-band. He looks like he just fell from a 13 storey building and the only affect it had on him, was his hair. Yeesh gets my vote!
 

The holy grail.. Open sleeveless pink shirt, stupid tatoo, sunglasses, he has all the bases covered
 

I can tolerate a pink tie. I can (barely) tolerate a pink shirt. I cannot tolerate a pink vest. He's got everything else an alpha douche should have, including a she-male on his arm. Holy Grail wins my vote.
 

I think a good question was raised about this competition: are we voting solely on the ridiculousness of the shitbag, or does the level of chick hotness come into play here too? I originally voted for #3 mainly because he looks and dresses to be potentially the biggest douchebag of all time. But the hotness factor of the she/he with him causes them to lose style points. If we could mix & match, put the #3 Holy Grail with the hotties of #1 Glinty, and you have the all-time winner... and a match made in hell. This one is up to the judges on how you want to call it.
 

I'll have to go with MellonHead, the vage patch under his piehole and the grandpa shade just nudged out the other equally deserving contestants.

Bagbalm
 

taking into consideration what Rex wrote above... i have to vote solely on the douche-ness alone. no matter how hot the chica. some may argue that the hotter the chick, the more it makes the douche coucheier.

but i digress. i vote #4
 

dude, has this blog gotten you laid yet?

you should also start taking this approach to tear these bags apart, the arrows explaining the douchitude is great.... fucking oliver, what douche

http://factualmaterial.com/douchebag.htm
 

#1 - What's with the Jesus bling? Has he hypnotised the hotties?

#2 - Has to be douchebag of the month. He's got it all, 1/2 his shirt is missing, general appalling dress sense, seriously shite facial hair, and those ****ing glasses. How did he cope with everyone at the club pissing their pants when they saw him. Hopefully he got a good kicking shortly after this photo was taken.

#3 - Pre & post op brother and sister? (scary laydee)

#4 - A warning against the perils of plastic surgery. Look at the bags pose. Your'e not cool mate you're a twat
 

Truly, we face quite the doucelemna. Four sterling candidates have presented themselves in a douchebag version of the Thunderdome. Four douche enter, one douch leaves. These must be carefully considered one at a time so as not to rush to a hasty decision.

First, we have Glinty. He has all the makings of the Ultidouce. The hair, the bling, the shirt, the facial hair. I would also wager that he might have a lazy eye. However, I am unsure how to score his hotties. Is he rewarded for having a hotty, because if so, that one on the left is worth killing puppies over. However, the site is hotchickswithdouchebags, not fatchickswithdouchebags, so I guess a hot girl gets a point. I score him: 1 for hair, 1 for bling, 1 for the hottie, 1 for the gay beard, and one for the lazy eye. Total 5. It is imortant to note he is not throwing a douche symbol and he's actually touching both girls.

Mellonhead makes me want to throw shit at the walls. He looks like he runs the Turd Smuggler Discoteque. I give him 1 for not having hair, 1 for the beard, 1 for the welding goggles, 2 because he's so douchey he got the bitch to throw the sign, and 1 for the pose, for a total of 6.

The Hulkster makes me vomit. Seriously. I just puked all over my keyboard, but I'm dedicated, so let's do this, I'll clean it later. 1 for the hair, 1 for the shades, 1 for the pose, 1 for the gayest tattoo this side of the village people, 1 for the pink shirt, 1 because it's unbottoned, 1 for not having sleeves, and 1 because that bitch has side-boob and I love me some side boob. That's a total of 8.

And now Yeesh. I just swallowed my tongue and may or may not have sharted. 1 for the hair, 1 for the pose, 1 for the look, 1 for the spray on tan, 1 for hooking the shirt into the pocket, 1 because that girl looks like a poodle, 1 because she is providing the illusion that her sweater puppies are ripping through that shirt, 1 becasue I think he's got a skully in his hand, and 1 because there's a homebar with horrible neon sign in the background (posing in your own home is a sure sign of douchosity). That's a total of 9.

Yeesh wins!
 

While the others might come up trumps in a HCwD sprint, YEESH is a marathon runner. He's in the game for the long haul and for that he gets my vote.
 

My vote's for Glinty. I'm just gonna repost what I said about him in his blog because I believe that pretty much sums up my reasons.

"My God man!!! This guy is Douche God. We should build temples to him and leave offerings of hair gel and bling at the altar to appease him. We should also write a Douche Bible and start a Douche religion to worship Him because there are none greater than Douche God. As for the raven haired hottie on the left: I would serenade her with Journey songs then nestle in her louscious bosom and take a nap. After I was rested I would slather her with honey and nibble on her for weeks."

Though it was a very tough choice. Yeesh and Holy Grail are both unbelievable douches. Either one could have gotten my vote had they had hotter chicks.
 

Number 2 -- Because you could always bend over the other three and fuck 'em in the ass while you make-out with their hot chicks.
 

Im having a hard time with this one. There are so many reasons for each one and so many reasons not for each on. Pro: Glinty's buckle is a riot. His hair, tan and all that care in to his 'look' is DB-city. Con: He's the most normal looking. He is at least passable. Then goth dude. Pro: Looks like a DB of a unique look, unseen here before. New ground. The chin thing is hysterical and possibly dyed. Sunglassed indoors and smudges on the gramma shades. AND! THAT SAME hotty. Who is she? Does she have a myspace thing? Con: He may just have the glasses on to goof around. He also may not be a DB and more of an emokid. Then pinky mcbag. A classic DB look. Pro: He hasnt updated his DB look since Jan Hammer rocked NBC. He's also a lifer of the DB look. The biceps have been whaled on for decades. The pose, the girlfriend. It is textbook douchness. Con: he is stuck in the 80s and is just one of those stuck in the 80s guys. The last dude I was going to say was a contender as well with the "1 million dollar/blue steel" combo pose, but he really lacks the flair of a HWwD of the Month. He's a DB all day, but I dont think we should reward him for his mediocrity. He needs to step up his game and preen his shit a little more and come back next month.

So after 12 hours of deliberation today, I have narrowed it down to 3. A hard cut, but sorry Thumbringer, bring your game next time and add some more height to that hair or tear up your shirt like your ho's shirt.
 

Ok, I narrowed it down to 2 now. I looked at the first 3 and tried a reverse approach. Which one is the least of a douchist. "Mellonhead" He's out. That's down to Glinty and Holy Grail. Holy Grail feels right in my heart, but Im going to sleep on it and see if I feel the same in the morning. Glinty's good, but I think it may be mostly the luck of the camera. Grail could have easily caught a lens flare, but then again, maybe Glinty has spent years studying light waves and physics to make a masterful bling in every photo where he is sandwiched by sweet hotties.
 

Ok. I got it figured out. I had to go on a shamanistic quest deep in to my heart of hearts to find the douche in myself. I became the douche. I breathed the douchey air that a douche would breathe. I walked the club like a douche would strut the club. I became (for lack of a better word) a douche. My douche-vision showed me that my primary objective was an easy lay. A girl upset about a fight with a boyfriend, a drunk girl. Any sort of easy prey. A theif of undeservedly hot tang. Which one between Glinty and Grail would I not leave my girlfriend with on Temptation Island. Grail is obviously there with his mate. They have dated and pumped iron and injected each other steriods in to each other's asses. You can't make that type of intimacy with some Chocolate Martini's and roofies. He's also up there. Plly 35-40. Glinty, on the other hand, is primed, greased and gelled to take on a conquest at any moment. He has a date-rape gaze that is just waiting to be unleashed. He is my pick for HCwD of the Month.
 

I guess I'm coming in late to the voting but it's not over yet.

My vote is for the Grail, and it didn't take me long to come to that conclusion.

Let me break it down:

First off, personally I don't give the chick much consideration. She just has to be reasonably decent looking or have big boobs or something so that it lives up to the title of the blog. This is the 'BAG of the month contest, so it's all about the DOUCHE! If you wanna have "Hottest Chick of the Week/Month" contests, let's do it. I think that would be a welcome addition to this page (whaddaya think DB1?) and the voting would be just as fierce.

As for the contestants...

Melonhead doesn't even get consideration from me--he's just not a true douche. Yes, he has a hot chick throwing a hand gesture, but he does not have the heart of a real 'bag. He's just more of a weird, skeezy dude.

Get rid of the melon, and now you have a real douche trifecta for the ages. But the choice becomes clear when you consider--Glinty and Yeesh would fit in at any club, rave, etc... You'd see them across the room and think, man, what a total 'bag. But they wouldn't strike you as being especially unusual characters in such a place.

But the Grail--whoa now! If I walked into a bar/club/whatever and saw this guy, I'd be blown away. You have to be off the douchey charts to go out in a vest (PINK, no less) with NO SHIRT underneath. Not to mention sunglasses indoors. This 'roided out meathead is the Arnold Douchabagger, The Bagginator, of the douche world.

For those of you who picked the Grail to win it all, you have chosen...wisely.
 

Melonhead by far. His chick is the classiest-looking, which is the most frustrating thing when dealing with douchitude. You gotta expect the golddigging, overtanned tits-o-sauruses to settle upon a douchebag because they are usually the female version of the same. It's when a nice, classy-looking chick is in the douche market that one really begins to question why God is so cruel.
 

douchestar has convinced me. i am the anonymous who had 3 entries and then 'settled' on glinty. can i recind my glinty vote and put grail of douche on my tally instead?
 

No question. YEESH! Look at his Zoolander pose...the others are just straight tools but this guy with his flowbee douchbag haircut and everything sisto said right on.

YEESH I would bitch smack you, bend your girl over, and put in her pooper.
 

Glinty McBag is the Douche Supreme... Glinty gets my vote
 

I can hear the crowd chanting... "Glinty, Glinty, Glinty..." The name Glinty McBag is ringing in thine ears like church bells on Sunday. Glinty McBag = DOUCHEBAG of the MONTH... This is my vote
 

Gotta agree with douchebag runner on this one....Grail all the way.
 

Glinty is the douche of the month no doubt. The fact that he is with a very hot chick along with another one tells us that he is corrupting the whole female race. He is a disease spreading among the hotties of the world. We can't let him lose this championship because if he is left unnoticed it could mean the extinction of the babaliciousness in this world. STOP THE EPIDEMIC!!!!!!!
---Douche-O-Meter
 

wow. this competition is fierce. whoever wins, what all the douchebags should remember, is that your all LOSERS!

I already voted but I think a runoff between Glint and Grail should take place.