Friday, July 24, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
No random thoughts on this Friday as I contemplate that Cheetos Man is not to be trifled with.
Well, maybe that is my random thought.
Cheetos Man. Do not mess with his argyle patterns and weedy hair.
Here are your links:
Douchebag V. Monkey: The Monologue is the most brilliantly written and delivered single character theatrical masterpiece on the internets. It is Samuel Beckett by way of Quentin Tarantino by way of Bertolt Brecht by way of David Mamet by way of Ice Cube by way of a giant wigga douchenozzle. It is a masterwork. "Squeezy don't beg."
Just when you thought E-Blo would never find a doucherhero sidekick to help him fight facial expressions and conscious thought: E-Blo and Robin.
D-Bag t-shirts, only $200 dollars each. Or, in this case, on sale for $169. What a bargain.
My comment that I didn't know who Peter Andre was on Monday resulted in a flood of emails to "educate" me, with the best/worst being this slice of musical scrote pie (complete with black rasta background singers to give him "street cred")
Model hooks up with Mickey Roarke, regrets it in the morning. And yes, Mickey Roarke is a celebubag.
And vis-a-vis the Douchebag V. Monkey monologue, how about Hot Chicks with Chimpanzees.
Rule of thumb: If you name your new line of douche wristwatches "Super Bad Ass", they are, in fact, neither super, nor bad ass.
I'm not the big fan of mashups, when DJs combine two songs to create a new song, but this Rick Astley + Nirvana combo is pretty genius.
Biff rules.
And finally, because you've been good, here's some tri-color Triple Vegas Ass Pear to carry you onward until dawn.
Comments:
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E-blo must be standing on a booster chair in that pic. Or his sidekick is a midget.
I will no longer defend Micky R. That doo is awfully douchey.
AV
I will no longer defend Micky R. That doo is awfully douchey.
AV
# posted by 
: 1:18 PM
: 1:18 PM
Everything was going smooth until I got to that Peter Andre video. Seriously, I'm contemplating twisting the head off of every alpaca I see and throwing thier paralyzed bodies off of an overpass just rid myself of the memory of that video. Damn boss, the war is far from over.
Let flow the sweet nectar of booze.
Let flow the sweet nectar of booze.
I don’t know about you guys, but I picture the three Ass Pears as independent sentient beings that speak to each other in short bursts of transmuted sound akin to dueling Harley’s idling in an aluminum lined tunnel. Or, perhaps a tribe of marching steel-toed midgets inside a lambskin bass drum.
Their light-colored peach fuzz would transport them about, like cilia transporting pear shaped cells as they shop together, read and delve into philosophical discussions about the latest People Magazine, and take in each episode of The Hills.
Once in a great while, they may argue about which color thongs they may prefer… leading to a barrage of staccato bass reverberations similar to a dump truck offloading 15,000 bushels of potatoes onto a wrestling matt.
These are just a few simple thoughts I have.
But they make me happy.
In my pants.
Brb.
Their light-colored peach fuzz would transport them about, like cilia transporting pear shaped cells as they shop together, read and delve into philosophical discussions about the latest People Magazine, and take in each episode of The Hills.
Once in a great while, they may argue about which color thongs they may prefer… leading to a barrage of staccato bass reverberations similar to a dump truck offloading 15,000 bushels of potatoes onto a wrestling matt.
These are just a few simple thoughts I have.
But they make me happy.
In my pants.
Brb.
Ahh Mickey Rourke isn't all that bad. He's an okay guy.
If I was in his position, I'd nail chicks half my age.
If I was in his position, I'd nail chicks half my age.
Odd that you feature Biff on a Friday.....
And I love Pumpy's simian broheim! He went for the boob grab as any of us would've done.
Ass Pear on the right is the best of the three, easily.
And I love Pumpy's simian broheim! He went for the boob grab as any of us would've done.
Ass Pear on the right is the best of the three, easily.
Biff does rule! That video was hilarious. Just realized Back to the Future is over 20 years old so I had to watch it twice to get the punchlines.
Seriously, this gaggle of Pears should sever themselves from their owners, hire agents, and start their own careers in Hollywood:
A rip-roaring comedic sitcom about three Ass Pears from three vastly different social backgrounds called: Ass Pearfect Strangers.
Or, how about three dimwitted Ass Pears that get together for a series of vaudevillian sketches in: The Three Spooges.
Or, a sitcom starring three Ass Pears and their douchey next-door neighbors called: Three’s Cum Panty.
I don’t know, I’m just trying to give them a spank in the right direction, that’s all.
A rip-roaring comedic sitcom about three Ass Pears from three vastly different social backgrounds called: Ass Pearfect Strangers.
Or, how about three dimwitted Ass Pears that get together for a series of vaudevillian sketches in: The Three Spooges.
Or, a sitcom starring three Ass Pears and their douchey next-door neighbors called: Three’s Cum Panty.
I don’t know, I’m just trying to give them a spank in the right direction, that’s all.
Me still not know who's Peter Andre: im de white guy wit sixpack, or im de black guy wit sixpack?
# posted by : 2:04 PM
: 2:04 PM
200 dollars for a T-shirt.
Oh sorry, 249 dollars for a shirt, 199 on sale, my bad.
But how will E-Blow & Robin afford all their HGH, Roids, tans, and hair gel?
Well, even though the economy has dipped, demand is still extremely high for tanned, beefed-up anal whores. E-Blow's got his mind on his money, and his money coming from his behind.
Ps. Terrific Ass Pear x 3 = boner
Oh sorry, 249 dollars for a shirt, 199 on sale, my bad.
But how will E-Blow & Robin afford all their HGH, Roids, tans, and hair gel?
Well, even though the economy has dipped, demand is still extremely high for tanned, beefed-up anal whores. E-Blow's got his mind on his money, and his money coming from his behind.
Ps. Terrific Ass Pear x 3 = boner
# posted by : 2:04 PM
: 2:04 PM
I get the stealth theme: Mickey Rourke raped Rick Astley who then birthed Peter Andre. E-Blo was there to hold Rick down on the pinball machine.
The Ass Pears will form a tributt-----errrrr, progressive rock tribute band.
Their lineup:
(b)Ass - Heddy Lee
(g)uitars - Alex Licks
(d)Rumps - SheNeil AssPeart
They're calling it "Bum Rush."
Their lineup:
(b)Ass - Heddy Lee
(g)uitars - Alex Licks
(d)Rumps - SheNeil AssPeart
They're calling it "Bum Rush."
well, i knew it was only a matter of time.
this edition of Friday Thoughts and Links Ass Pear picture put me over the edge.
i just masturbated into my office garbage can.
this edition of Friday Thoughts and Links Ass Pear picture put me over the edge.
i just masturbated into my office garbage can.
It's a damn shame, and a tribute to my pathetic life when I see photographic evidence that chimpanzees are coppin' feels on a blond hardbody,while I'm lucky to score the fat waitress at the local tavern located next to my trailer park.
Fuck it, where's that bottle of Wild Turkey?
Fuck it, where's that bottle of Wild Turkey?
I've been alternating between Tres Pears and the sultry busty Latina's mounds.
And. I'mmmmmm. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Done. (sigh)
And. I'mmmmmm. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Done. (sigh)
Rick Astley just put a blight on my college years. In part because I think I liked it....
# posted by : 5:32 PM
: 5:32 PM
... with such a sweet smile and such an amazing rack, hottie with the black hair should definitely start doing porn.
Because of her, I almost felt aroused while looking at this picture, but sadly the uber-douche on the left makes me wanna shoot myself. The hair. The orange skin. The Grampa-Simpson-style-shirt. The fully and completely retarded facial expression. Ladies and Gentlemen: This is the douche to end all douches. I feel ashamed for even sharing the same gender with him. If this was a fellow countryman of mine, I'd instantly change my citizenship.
Why? Why does this happen? Does the IQ of these girls not exceed the room temperature?
Because of her, I almost felt aroused while looking at this picture, but sadly the uber-douche on the left makes me wanna shoot myself. The hair. The orange skin. The Grampa-Simpson-style-shirt. The fully and completely retarded facial expression. Ladies and Gentlemen: This is the douche to end all douches. I feel ashamed for even sharing the same gender with him. If this was a fellow countryman of mine, I'd instantly change my citizenship.
Why? Why does this happen? Does the IQ of these girls not exceed the room temperature?
# posted by : 6:22 PM
: 6:22 PM
I'm with filthy. E-Blo is true HoS material. Look at him. Despite his douche aura, there is nothing, absolutely nothing there. It's like looking at anti-matter. And by anti-matter I mean invisible poo that stinks up the whole room.
That Peter Andre clip makes me want to charge the Wave Motion Gun to 1000% and completely vaporize the island so that nothing, not even cockroaches can survivie.
-Douche Bauer
-Douche Bauer
# posted by : 6:36 PM
: 6:36 PM
Ok, that bluefly.com site officially made me a socialist. If you spend $200 on a t-shirt you need somebody to spend your money for you.
Oh yea...Buttallica
Oh yea...Buttallica
Cheeto-Scrote's hair is like unto a paintbrush post-varnish after a day of white-washing fences.
Busty Babe is the gal who appears just as one is painting fences to distract your entire day.
Who cares about the others? Not me.
Busty Babe is the gal who appears just as one is painting fences to distract your entire day.
Who cares about the others? Not me.
# posted by : 7:44 PM
: 7:44 PM
DB1 ought to take his gal to visit a bonobo chimp at a zoo for a first hand example of a real simian masturbating to a human female. I've seen that occur at such a zoo. Not sure about the chest grab, though. These orangutans are noticibly browner and a different variety than the usual douchey orange ones we see.
You're forgiven DB1 for such an error.
You're forgiven DB1 for such an error.
Is that tri-color ass pear anything like the rainbow chard I buy at the farmer's market?
Or Neapolitan ice cream?
Because if it is, I'll bake me a chard frittata and eat it with a fork, and finish it off with a Neapolitan milk-shake supplied with three straws.
Or Neapolitan ice cream?
Because if it is, I'll bake me a chard frittata and eat it with a fork, and finish it off with a Neapolitan milk-shake supplied with three straws.
Cheetos Man is more like the color of
a) Varnish on a blond maple table leg
b) Orange-Glo All Purpose Cleaner
c) A lawn chair in need of Rust-O-Leum
d) My neighbor's orange tomcat after he got too close to the charcoal burner
a) Varnish on a blond maple table leg
b) Orange-Glo All Purpose Cleaner
c) A lawn chair in need of Rust-O-Leum
d) My neighbor's orange tomcat after he got too close to the charcoal burner
Three hot-water faucets find a rusty pipe to send a trickle though them, but all the plumber see are adjustable wenches, er wrenches.
Michael Jackson's coroner, finally safe from the clicking cameras and door-pounding frenzied papparazi, whipped the white sheet back, popped off the toffee-coloured nose, and forced its dimpled powder-coated tip into his dry, angry rectum.
Upon clicking real-time photographic evidence and sending it off to the undisclosed recipient in Zurich, Yonk Skatonski then crunched the cyanide pill and closed his eyes.
2,000 miles to the east, Sir Paul McCartney farted and scratched his woolen clad arse.
Upon clicking real-time photographic evidence and sending it off to the undisclosed recipient in Zurich, Yonk Skatonski then crunched the cyanide pill and closed his eyes.
2,000 miles to the east, Sir Paul McCartney farted and scratched his woolen clad arse.
# posted by : 9:17 PM
: 9:17 PM
that is an orange 'bag. ho-lee shee-it. looks like e-blo is doing some david blainebag style levitating. unless the rest of them are all very short. in which case, the orange 'bag definitely represents the "lollipop guild".
that brunette is fucking immaculate.
that brunette is fucking immaculate.
HAHAHAAAAAAA
I'm not even going to attempt to put my lame two cents in on this. BEST THREAD EVERRRR. Mama Oblongata came down for a visit and is slumbering peacefully in the next room. And here I am, getting a headache and nearly peeing a little in my pants from trying not to howl with uproarious laughter. I love you guys.
But not you guys in the pic. None of you. If I ever see any of you on the streets, I will run you over with a Radio Flyer red wagon, repeatedly. The wagon is for collecting the parts and then selling them to a chinese healer.
I'm not even going to attempt to put my lame two cents in on this. BEST THREAD EVERRRR. Mama Oblongata came down for a visit and is slumbering peacefully in the next room. And here I am, getting a headache and nearly peeing a little in my pants from trying not to howl with uproarious laughter. I love you guys.
But not you guys in the pic. None of you. If I ever see any of you on the streets, I will run you over with a Radio Flyer red wagon, repeatedly. The wagon is for collecting the parts and then selling them to a chinese healer.
@ 'sock & medusa- love capt. beefbutt, beefshart AND his magic gland. just wondering, do you prefer safe as milk of magnesia or rear spot?
@ AC Douchey --BWAAAHAHAHAAA
@ Croosh--If it's only to put me to sleep, and if you're smiling when you do it, it's not cheating.
Benny Ben-ass-i
@ Croosh--If it's only to put me to sleep, and if you're smiling when you do it, it's not cheating.
Benny Ben-ass-i
Pooperation Ivy
...you know, this firmly cements in my mind what an immature fucktard I really am. No wonder I gotta import 'em. they can't understand a word I say so they think I'm a genius.
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...you know, this firmly cements in my mind what an immature fucktard I really am. No wonder I gotta import 'em. they can't understand a word I say so they think I'm a genius.
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