Friday, July 31, 2009
Smoot Operator
Your humble narrator is pensive on this foggy Friday morn.
Maybe it was too many bottles of Thunderbird last night, as I wandered delirious and confused after an angry philosophical debate with a mongoose who favored Nietzsche over Kinky Friedman. Stupid mongoose.
Maybe it was that extra package of Hostess Fruit Pie that I knew I should skip, but which called to me at 2am with its processed imitation fruit fruity goodness.
But this morning, after I milked the alpacas, fondled the goats and fed the gila monsters I'm raising for pelt, I had to wonder.
Is the silly cartoon belt buckle the new signifier of cartoonish transformation of masculinity? Do doofy skullz create "post-human?"
In the age of the Hardy Plague, is it the simple adornment of this new form of "crotch signifier" that communicates the power of the masculine ass pear fondlage?
I know not.
So I chaw some more original bubble gum flavor "Big League Chew." For that always helps my ruminations coagulate.
Comments:
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the one big dumpster... the chickie-poo has a big booty too!
I'd love to see that thing flex as I take wiffle ball batting practice against it
the chickie-poo's booty too!
I'd love to see that thing flex as I take wiffle ball batting practice against it
the chickie-poo's booty too!
A crude device, drawing attention to the crotch with blingy adouchetrements. The simple-minded bleeth will be uncontrollably drawn to its shininess, much like weasels are attracted to tin foil. And, of course, the exaggerated size of said buckle is intended to create an association. Big belt buckle=big meat. It's deceit in the name of style. The blingy belt buckle is the codpiece of the 21st century.
Back in the day, there was the Zoot suit, with the party panache.
Today there is the Smoot suit with the Hardy grab-ass.
Today there is the Smoot suit with the Hardy grab-ass.
I hope this booty isn't the Friday Ass-pear, but a mere appetizer of things to come, DB1.
Many things to come.
Many things to come.
I think this could be something we can take advantage of in our fight against the Greico virus - the skull buckle ("skuckle", anyone?) clearly signifies the inherent danger for any woman to progress anywhere near a crotch donning a skuckle...
# posted by 
: 11:00 AM
: 11:00 AM
I think this could be something we can take advantage of in our fight against the Greico virus - the skull buckle ("skuckle", anyone?) clearly signifies the inherent danger for any woman to progress anywhere near a crotch donning a skuckle...
# posted by : 11:00 AM
: 11:00 AM
Mmm...Ass.
And Mmmm, original flavor Big League Chew. Brings back semi-fond memories of searching couch cushions for change...
AV
And Mmmm, original flavor Big League Chew. Brings back semi-fond memories of searching couch cushions for change...
AV
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
Dear God, look at that buckle
Its not just shiny but it has a crown on it
Clearly royalty among the douche breed
Its not just shiny but it has a crown on it
Clearly royalty among the douche breed
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
What an ass.
I would slam her like a pissed-off illegal alien with a piss-poor fake ID slams the door at the DMV when they tell him he can't register his stolen Honda.
And then I would do it ten more times in a row, becuase I'm like that.
God, her rear is just magnificent.
I would slam her like a pissed-off illegal alien with a piss-poor fake ID slams the door at the DMV when they tell him he can't register his stolen Honda.
And then I would do it ten more times in a row, becuase I'm like that.
God, her rear is just magnificent.
Oh and that dude's a douchebag.
Looks like Mount St.Skeeze on his head is about to erupt hot grease.
AV
Looks like Mount St.Skeeze on his head is about to erupt hot grease.
AV
# posted by : 11:08 AM
: 11:08 AM
Smoot is so smug and she so besotted, it appears he could over-take Fish Slap as the legendary total douchebag on this site.
Even that smiley-faced Rastifarian King Skull agrees. He's just waitin' for her to show some real Shakira-style booty-action.
Even that smiley-faced Rastifarian King Skull agrees. He's just waitin' for her to show some real Shakira-style booty-action.
As soon as I gather a team of Sherpas I plan to scale that lovely round ass mountain-
# posted by : 11:19 AM
: 11:19 AM
Isn't that Matthew Stafford?
I don't know if it's just that I'm getting old, but these people look like fucking retards with these oversize rhinestoned belt buckles. That's a knock on retards too, I just haven't replaced the word in my lexicon yet, sorry retards.
I'm just waiting for Audigier to roll a jelly dildo in glitter and sell it for $140 as desk art.
Booty...
I don't know if it's just that I'm getting old, but these people look like fucking retards with these oversize rhinestoned belt buckles. That's a knock on retards too, I just haven't replaced the word in my lexicon yet, sorry retards.
I'm just waiting for Audigier to roll a jelly dildo in glitter and sell it for $140 as desk art.
Booty...
# posted by : 11:22 AM
: 11:22 AM
WARNING: If you have a weak stomach do not view.
Here is SMOOT aka JOEY JACKS myspace page....
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411
Here is SMOOT aka JOEY JACKS myspace page....
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411
# posted by : 11:27 AM
: 11:27 AM
Good Lord that Lysol drinking buttstain is a entire mixture of all that is just wrong in the world.
She is a floral camophlage of hidden fleshy largeness. She may be wearing some sort of Azz-Brah to keep that all in there.
But I'm down with that....
She is a floral camophlage of hidden fleshy largeness. She may be wearing some sort of Azz-Brah to keep that all in there.
But I'm down with that....
Jim Bouton kicks ass (he invented big league chew). Ball Four is one of the best baseball books written.
"They aint making jews like Jesus anymore"-Kinky Friedman.
"They aint making jews like Jesus anymore"-Kinky Friedman.
This guy gets an exemption from the required wait for induction into the Hall.
I say we send him there right fucking now!
I say we send him there right fucking now!
# posted by : 11:40 AM
: 11:40 AM
http://arthurkade.com/2009/03/04/i-want-your-feedback/
PLEASE CALL AND TOOL ON HIM!
PLEASE CALL AND TOOL ON HIM!
# posted by : 11:46 AM
: 11:46 AM
Good lawd he looks like a clown. I want to hit him in the back of the head with a folding chair making him bend at the waist impaling himself on the points of that dumb-ass belt buckle he so proudly displays. Thanks Jersey, thanks the creating this Toxic pile of volcano-headed douche-queer with his jizz stained jeans.
Her dress is like one of those magic eye posters. I keep staring at it hoping that an image pops out, but all that pops out is more ass.
Her dress is like one of those magic eye posters. I keep staring at it hoping that an image pops out, but all that pops out is more ass.
# posted by : 11:51 AM
: 11:51 AM
I almost didn’t believe it at first, but Smoot may indeed be head shrinking shaman from Ecuador, who cast his spell on King Douchous IV, and now sports the prized result in as close a proximity as possible to his other shrunken head.
That's a man, baby!
No, I'm not going to tell Smoot. He probably won't care, the smirking fuck.
No, I'm not going to tell Smoot. He probably won't care, the smirking fuck.
# posted by : 12:05 PM
: 12:05 PM
Croosh,
It would have to be a LARGE box of nerds or you would never find it.
Hell... It would be fun trying, though!
It would have to be a LARGE box of nerds or you would never find it.
Hell... It would be fun trying, though!
# posted by : 12:05 PM
: 12:05 PM
@Adolf
Is that some kind of joke? Please tell me that's a joke. I looked for all of 2 minutes and I'm going to be raging mad for the rest of the day. Would someone PLEASE kick that guys ass?
Is that some kind of joke? Please tell me that's a joke. I looked for all of 2 minutes and I'm going to be raging mad for the rest of the day. Would someone PLEASE kick that guys ass?
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
"Here is SMOOT aka JOEY JACKS myspace page....
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411"
Even his myspace page has jesus bling.
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411"
Even his myspace page has jesus bling.
# posted by : 12:27 PM
: 12:27 PM
@ Croosh 12pm
Excellent P-Express reference.
I, also, would eat a lolli-pop outta her snatch.
Excellent P-Express reference.
I, also, would eat a lolli-pop outta her snatch.
# posted by : 12:40 PM
: 12:40 PM
I'd do skateboard tricks off of her ass just to get her attention in the shopping mall.
# posted by : 12:41 PM
: 12:41 PM
Samurai Scrote is hiding out in her butt, Bin Laden style.
And I have a daisy-cutter in my pants.
Wait, if I bang a girl's butt that another guy is standing around on the inside of, does that make me gay? And by "me" I mean this friend of mine who asked me this question.
And I have a daisy-cutter in my pants.
Wait, if I bang a girl's butt that another guy is standing around on the inside of, does that make me gay? And by "me" I mean this friend of mine who asked me this question.
She could sit on a white plastic outdoor cafe chair and leave a regulation frisbee behind when she stood up.
"I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this shape. Shaving cream, pillows.....dammit! I know this. I know what this is! This means something. This is important."
- Close Encounters of the Turd Kind
That's Devils Dungheap Tower on Smoot's head.
And her ass.....is sooooo much better than Goofy Golf!
- Close Encounters of the Turd Kind
That's Devils Dungheap Tower on Smoot's head.
And her ass.....is sooooo much better than Goofy Golf!
Those buns need to be bronzed and put in a city park to give homeless pervs something to do.
# posted by : 12:55 PM
: 12:55 PM
Smoot belongs in the hall of scrote.
Mainly because I'm sick of looking at these two.
Meanwhile, check out his myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411
In the photo under "loyal to those loyal to me", one of his friends has black nail polish. Is this a first?
Mainly because I'm sick of looking at these two.
Meanwhile, check out his myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/joeyg411
In the photo under "loyal to those loyal to me", one of his friends has black nail polish. Is this a first?
# posted by : 12:57 PM
: 12:57 PM
In Texas, we had a saying about the size of the belt buckle being inversely proportional to the size of the cowboy. Of course, even a "Texas small" would dwarf any of these coastal-dwelling special ed chest-shavers.
The things I could do with her and a Danny Thomas style glass coffee table...
The things I could do with her and a Danny Thomas style glass coffee table...
Smoot and a tranny
Thanks to whomever found his MySpace page - it's loaded with jackassery! And with his Status and Mood reading "celeb.status," I'd say someone clued him in to his appearances here.
After all: "IT'S EASY 2 HATE...IT'S HARDER TO LOVE ME!!!"
Thanks to whomever found his MySpace page - it's loaded with jackassery! And with his Status and Mood reading "celeb.status," I'd say someone clued him in to his appearances here.
After all: "IT'S EASY 2 HATE...IT'S HARDER TO LOVE ME!!!"
Here's a comment from Smoot's broheim "Telese":
[Jul 29 2009 12:15 PM
BRO UR SUCH A LUCKY FUK TO BE ON CHICKSWITHDUECEBAGS.COM TELL ME HOW I CAN GET ON, OR DO I HAVE TO BE PARTYIN AT TUNES FOR LIKE EVERY WEEKEND OF THE SUMMER? WE AINT GOT THAT DOWN HERE IN THE SOUTH HOMIE. BEEN ON "THE DIRTY" THOUGH!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAA
WHEN GOD GIVES US A GIFT WE RUN WITH IT....... LMAOOOOO]
I can't make this stuff up. DarkSock or Crucial, perhaps, or possibly the Baron, but not me.
[Jul 29 2009 12:15 PM
BRO UR SUCH A LUCKY FUK TO BE ON CHICKSWITHDUECEBAGS.COM TELL ME HOW I CAN GET ON, OR DO I HAVE TO BE PARTYIN AT TUNES FOR LIKE EVERY WEEKEND OF THE SUMMER? WE AINT GOT THAT DOWN HERE IN THE SOUTH HOMIE. BEEN ON "THE DIRTY" THOUGH!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAA
WHEN GOD GIVES US A GIFT WE RUN WITH IT....... LMAOOOOO]
I can't make this stuff up. DarkSock or Crucial, perhaps, or possibly the Baron, but not me.
@Wheezer,
I believe that may be FLYTEETH's work. Although there was no reference to a SLAPWHOAR or FUE.
I believe that may be FLYTEETH's work. Although there was no reference to a SLAPWHOAR or FUE.
We have a new challenger for the title of "The Bumper."
In this corner is the challenger. Standing five feet five inches tall with a tanned-in-a-thong rump. Like a mountain jutting from the Serengeti overlooking all other flat-bottomed girls---The Smootess.
And in this corner, the Champion. Swayer of the mystical ChandlerBag. Supporter of architectural concrete columns. More masculine than her highly effeminate counterpart. The one, the ONLY, THE BUMPER!!
Let's get ready to RUMBLE!
In this corner is the challenger. Standing five feet five inches tall with a tanned-in-a-thong rump. Like a mountain jutting from the Serengeti overlooking all other flat-bottomed girls---The Smootess.
And in this corner, the Champion. Swayer of the mystical ChandlerBag. Supporter of architectural concrete columns. More masculine than her highly effeminate counterpart. The one, the ONLY, THE BUMPER!!
Let's get ready to RUMBLE!
@Wheezer:
I just sent the secretary out to the local sex shop with a bag of petty cash and strict instructions to steer clear of our H.R. director.
I just sent the secretary out to the local sex shop with a bag of petty cash and strict instructions to steer clear of our H.R. director.
I've seen "third place in the rodeo" buckles that were larger than Smoot's. Difference is, those aren't douchey... unless worn with shorts and an Ed Hardy t-shirt.
I really do think that "she's" a tranny.
I really do think that "she's" a tranny.
# posted by : 1:51 PM
: 1:51 PM
No offense to the award winning Ass Pear which is nice and all, but **THIS** is the Friday Ass Pear.
Thanks DB.
Thanks DB.
Yes, yes this is the Friday Ass Pear. And I'd like to get my hands on it. HO. LEE. CATS. I'll be in my bunk.
Dressed or undressed, Ass Pear rules this site.
Maybe that's why her tongue is dangling, and the little crowned skull is laughing.
Oh, there's boobies, and boobies, and more boobies. But something about Ass Pear brings tears to the eyes, sniffles to the schnozz, cum to the head.
As Shakira knows, there's a way to bring a whole lotta wiggle to the worm.
Maybe that's why her tongue is dangling, and the little crowned skull is laughing.
Oh, there's boobies, and boobies, and more boobies. But something about Ass Pear brings tears to the eyes, sniffles to the schnozz, cum to the head.
As Shakira knows, there's a way to bring a whole lotta wiggle to the worm.
Her father must've been a meat burglar...
She's got Hills Like Pink Elephants
(ok, obscure Hemingway ref. and it wasn't even that great of a short story)
!-But someday, I too will be The Most Interesting Man In The World
She's got Hills Like Pink Elephants
(ok, obscure Hemingway ref. and it wasn't even that great of a short story)
!-But someday, I too will be The Most Interesting Man In The World
# posted by : 3:51 PM
: 3:51 PM
Does Smoot recognize that many of us ridicule him simply because on one level we pity him and we're evil bastards like that.
I believe in Smoot. His body of work is proving to be Hall of Scrote Worthy. Love the terminator belt buckle and his hott can't keep her tongue in her mouth which is never a bad thing.
Wow, following the link to Smoot's myspace page, and seeing the ridiculous collection of douchery that he surrounds himself with, including Tiki Douche (aka Mikey Diesel from his web page). I was overcome by the kissy lips and the glare of the white belts - I can only imagine the hours of enjoyment I could get from the security cams at that Hamptons Douche-o-Dome of a beach bar. Dig for Tiki (Mikey's) profile, which deserves the mockery of any reader. I can't wait to see Medusa's review of same.
# posted by : 10:24 PM
: 10:24 PM
I think I just flushed Smoot's hair down the toilet.
Must have been the meat loaf.
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Must have been the meat loaf.
# posted by : 9:08 AM
: 9:08 AM << Home
