Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sean's Almost a Nottadouche
You almost got the notta for scoring Rebecca, the cutest girl in math class, Sean.
But Ed Hardy + Bling cannot pass.
It bums me out. I wanted to let you off with a warning, Sean. But we gotta have standards around here. Much as I kinda like you and your weirdly misshapen ears, I gotta make a decision.
And you know how I have to rule here.
'Bag.
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That fucking white belt hangs lower than his "dick" ever will.
I'll bet yellow-topped hott has a wonderful ass pear! Check that curvature!
I'll bet yellow-topped hott has a wonderful ass pear! Check that curvature!
yes, but at least it looks like Sean still has a chance to turn back from the BagSide.
but if he keeps getting Hotts like that with the Scroteparel he's wearing, he'll only fall deeper into the rabbit hole.
but if he keeps getting Hotts like that with the Scroteparel he's wearing, he'll only fall deeper into the rabbit hole.
An innocuous bag, but a bag nonetheless. Phones clipped on pockets like that are good indicators of bagginess as well.
I've seen lots of lower-back arch, but dayum dat gurl's got some belly arch.
Oh, Sean.. the only thing worse than the spelling of your name is that damn Ed Hardy t-shirt. And your white belt. And your girlfriend's lack of standards.
Oh, Sean.. the only thing worse than the spelling of your name is that damn Ed Hardy t-shirt. And your white belt. And your girlfriend's lack of standards.
Looks like the lightning bolt that struck Powder gave him a sweet tan.
Lucky break for Powder there.
Lucky break for Powder there.
# posted by 
: 2:04 PM
: 2:04 PM
PS. Who the fuck picked that two-toned maize-and-taupe paint scheme? We might have a colorblindbag on our hands.
Gotta agree... white belt, even if you can't afford leather like this douche, equals insta-douche. No need to worry about it being a close call.
Rebecca has kind of a Kristen Kruek thing going, which makes the warlord in my pants saddle up and get his battle face on.
Rebecca has kind of a Kristen Kruek thing going, which makes the warlord in my pants saddle up and get his battle face on.
# posted by : 2:17 PM
: 2:17 PM
Sean can be saved. Judging by this pic he (hopefully) doesn't have any permanent douche marks. Really, just a quick change of clothes and we'd probably never know. Come back Sean! It's not too late!
# posted by : 2:23 PM
: 2:23 PM
Sean may be Sloth from The Goonies long lost cousin. Someone should have told his momma you don't pick 'em up by the ears.
With the lights turned low and mom and dad away for the evening, Sean and Rebecca stripped down for a rousing game of Hide and Seek, their tans blending perfectly with the house paint.
Weeks later, and with only the smell of rotting flesh to guide them, Sean's parents would discover his desiccated corpse wedged behind the washing machine.
That same day Rebecca would appear at my door, a bottle of Jack Daniels balanced perfectly on her divine asspear shelf, a ribbon of Trojans protruding from her cleavite.
Weeks later, and with only the smell of rotting flesh to guide them, Sean's parents would discover his desiccated corpse wedged behind the washing machine.
That same day Rebecca would appear at my door, a bottle of Jack Daniels balanced perfectly on her divine asspear shelf, a ribbon of Trojans protruding from her cleavite.
# posted by : 2:26 PM
: 2:26 PM
Sean most certainly CANNOT be saved.
Once you go white belt, you never come back.
The smile is already morphing into a sneer. The hand has crept into the crotch-holding zone. The earring.
It's not even close.
I wish I could see what the thermostat sees.
Once you go white belt, you never come back.
The smile is already morphing into a sneer. The hand has crept into the crotch-holding zone. The earring.
It's not even close.
I wish I could see what the thermostat sees.
# posted by : 2:27 PM
: 2:27 PM
Wait until Sean figures out where to buy some 'roids, he'll be staring into the camera and sending ax based take-down threats within the year.
Or
Maybe he'll get dumped by Rebecca because she decided to trade up on douchiness. He'll decide to go to the community college, get a degree in Information Systems, and land a job that he finds surprisingly satisfying. He'll still shower with Axe though.
Choose wisely young man.
Or
Maybe he'll get dumped by Rebecca because she decided to trade up on douchiness. He'll decide to go to the community college, get a degree in Information Systems, and land a job that he finds surprisingly satisfying. He'll still shower with Axe though.
Choose wisely young man.
Looks like Christopher Eccleston's younger brother is living the high life. Reminds me of my favorite Doctor Who story, "The Andouche Invasion". Except way douchier.
# posted by : 2:39 PM
: 2:39 PM
"She's like a 40-degree day. Ain't nobody got nothing to say about a 40-degree day. Fifty. Bring a smile to your face. Sixty, shit, folks damn near barbecuing on that motherfucker."
-- Wall Thermostat on gauging Rebecca's lukewarmhottness. And by "barbecuing on" he means "banging".
-- Wall Thermostat on gauging Rebecca's lukewarmhottness. And by "barbecuing on" he means "banging".
# posted by : 2:55 PM
: 2:55 PM
When I was at SDSU, I had this cool poster of a black panther climbing down a tree. It was one of those black light posters, and it looked pretty trick when you used the correct bulb.
It didn't hurt any that I mostly looked at it after burning a big fatty with my roommate, who was from the Punahou area of Oahu. Fattest, juiciest buds ever grown.
This shirt reminds me of that poster. I just can't bag on him for bringing back those memories. The few that survived, anyway.
It didn't hurt any that I mostly looked at it after burning a big fatty with my roommate, who was from the Punahou area of Oahu. Fattest, juiciest buds ever grown.
This shirt reminds me of that poster. I just can't bag on him for bringing back those memories. The few that survived, anyway.
Sean's almost nottaboy.
If girls were drafting instruments she'd be a french curve. And I got a mechanical pencil riiiight here.
If girls were drafting instruments she'd be a french curve. And I got a mechanical pencil riiiight here.
@Brian errr massengill
Wow! How did you stumble on to that beauty?
And by stumble I mean when and where did you meet her?
40 plus minutes of oral? That my friend, is either a woman who's oral prowess borders on butterfly kisses or a rhino-skinned cockk. Either way, if it was me on the receiving end I'd have the remote in my hand and a beer on her head. Props for the dogged determination but seriously, I'm thinking a little more pressure or physical manipulation is in order.
Wow! How did you stumble on to that beauty?
And by stumble I mean when and where did you meet her?
40 plus minutes of oral? That my friend, is either a woman who's oral prowess borders on butterfly kisses or a rhino-skinned cockk. Either way, if it was me on the receiving end I'd have the remote in my hand and a beer on her head. Props for the dogged determination but seriously, I'm thinking a little more pressure or physical manipulation is in order.
# posted by : 3:23 PM
: 3:23 PM
Melinda could hardly believe her luck when she had a chance to get her picture taken with Side Show Sean. She had heard rumors about the boy who was born with a penis that looked like a white burlap belt with a brass head but she just had to see for herself. Luckily she caught him coming out of the closet after telling someone named "Pablows" to shut up while he went to forage for mineral water and a copy of Stud Puppy magazine.
# posted by : 3:26 PM
: 3:26 PM
Masengill
Ouch. I can only hope you are not "Brian". Otherwise, be ready to find your pet rabbit simmering on the stove one evening when you come home for dinner.
Learn the lyrics to Talking Heads' "Psycho Killer", buddy.
Ouch. I can only hope you are not "Brian". Otherwise, be ready to find your pet rabbit simmering on the stove one evening when you come home for dinner.
Learn the lyrics to Talking Heads' "Psycho Killer", buddy.
@ massengill
That site is one impressive pile of psycho. How exactly does she think that is going to help her cause?
That site is one impressive pile of psycho. How exactly does she think that is going to help her cause?
I just want to put my mouth inside that hole at the top of her tight, curve hugging top and make burpy noises until she either calls the police or makes a pee stain in her jeans.
Then, after she cleans herself up I just want to put my cockk inside the hole at the top of her legs and make burpy noises until she says "What the fu..."
And then I'll be done and she can craddle me in her arms while I cry and tell her that normally I last for complete sentences.
Then, after she cleans herself up I just want to put my cockk inside the hole at the top of her legs and make burpy noises until she says "What the fu..."
And then I'll be done and she can craddle me in her arms while I cry and tell her that normally I last for complete sentences.
# posted by : 3:38 PM
: 3:38 PM
Cryptic Factor@2:39 spot on with the Eccleston reference.
Rebecca can take my TARDIS out for a spin any time she wants.
Rebecca can take my TARDIS out for a spin any time she wants.
@ Mr. SH
I hope "craddling" isn't painful. Is that when she cradles you and spanks you at the same time? Maybe that more Medusa territory.
I hope "craddling" isn't painful. Is that when she cradles you and spanks you at the same time? Maybe that more Medusa territory.
# posted by : 3:53 PM
: 3:53 PM
-Scrawny arms from forced bedrest & radiation poisoning
-Complete loss of hair
-MedicAlert Bling
-Ed Hardy t-shirt from Make-A-Wish visit from Christian Audigier
-Presence of CandyStripperHott with a Florence Nightengale complex
The world's first ChemoDouche???
-Complete loss of hair
-MedicAlert Bling
-Ed Hardy t-shirt from Make-A-Wish visit from Christian Audigier
-Presence of CandyStripperHott with a Florence Nightengale complex
The world's first ChemoDouche???
That Amy broad is creepy. The only thing that could make her sound even more insane is if she listed Dido is one of her favorite bands...
He's a douche, no doubt.
Speaking of people who are borderline insane, that Amy chick is indeed creepy. Here's a little something:
A few weeks ago, Brian essentially left me to die. I punched my hand through a window and texted and called him for nearly an hour that I needed a ride to BIDMC because I felt like I was going to pass out and didn't want to do that while driving. What is his takeaway? "You drove to my work to look for me." Well, FU Brian. Thanks for caring that I could have hit an artery and bled out. Perhaps next time, I will hit the right spot and just pass out and die.
Creepy.
Speaking of people who are borderline insane, that Amy chick is indeed creepy. Here's a little something:
A few weeks ago, Brian essentially left me to die. I punched my hand through a window and texted and called him for nearly an hour that I needed a ride to BIDMC because I felt like I was going to pass out and didn't want to do that while driving. What is his takeaway? "You drove to my work to look for me." Well, FU Brian. Thanks for caring that I could have hit an artery and bled out. Perhaps next time, I will hit the right spot and just pass out and die.
Creepy.
@ Massengill
Thanks for that link pal, that was some funny ass shit.
And by funny, I mean pathetically psychotic.
And by pathetically psychotic, I mean down right hilarious!
Thanks for that link pal, that was some funny ass shit.
And by funny, I mean pathetically psychotic.
And by pathetically psychotic, I mean down right hilarious!
# posted by : 8:51 PM
: 8:51 PM
I invited Amy Sunshine girl to join us here. The spectacle will be punishing, frightful and tremendous; like being pushed down a luge course in an old washing machine full of roofing nails and Rat traps.
A shape of things to come:
testing said...
Who the hell would date you if this is what happens to them before they even meet you? Maybe he simply found your personality — the same personality that is now publicly attacking him simply because he doesn't want to date you — to be obnoxious. Holy cow, this is pathological behavior. Posting a picture of his child? How messed up are you?
Thanks for the laugh at your expense. Sorry it came at this poor guy's expense too.
January 21, 2010 11:37 AM
writergal said...
Dear Testing,
Do you work with Brian Schofer? Why are you obsessed with me? I have clinical depression so thank you for calling me names and being so cruel in your postings. I have a great new job so you cannnot pick on that anymore so go ahead and pick on a chronic mental illness.
How should I off myself?
1. take pills and suffocate myself with bag over head
2. drive car into wall on highway
3. OD
4. bleed out
5. knock myself out with something heavy and just die in the basement
What do you propose? Bec. you are right I'm a miserable person and have a miserable life bec. my closest friend of 10 years has shunned me. So it's not worth going on much longer.
I would appreciate your opinion.
January 22, 2010 7:45 AM
XBradTC said...
Go with option 1.
Seriously, what kind of nutjob posts stuff like this?
I've never met or heard of this guy or Brian, but I'm starting to guess why they might not fall madly in love with you.
February 16, 2010 12:48 PM
steve said...
You are a whole new kind of crazy. like wtf is wrong with you. Oh yeah you are depressed. i forgot well i know you are gonna ask me how you should "off yourself" i would go with pills, that way you don't take any normal people with you. good luck and good riddance
A shape of things to come:
testing said...
Who the hell would date you if this is what happens to them before they even meet you? Maybe he simply found your personality — the same personality that is now publicly attacking him simply because he doesn't want to date you — to be obnoxious. Holy cow, this is pathological behavior. Posting a picture of his child? How messed up are you?
Thanks for the laugh at your expense. Sorry it came at this poor guy's expense too.
January 21, 2010 11:37 AM
writergal said...
Dear Testing,
Do you work with Brian Schofer? Why are you obsessed with me? I have clinical depression so thank you for calling me names and being so cruel in your postings. I have a great new job so you cannnot pick on that anymore so go ahead and pick on a chronic mental illness.
How should I off myself?
1. take pills and suffocate myself with bag over head
2. drive car into wall on highway
3. OD
4. bleed out
5. knock myself out with something heavy and just die in the basement
What do you propose? Bec. you are right I'm a miserable person and have a miserable life bec. my closest friend of 10 years has shunned me. So it's not worth going on much longer.
I would appreciate your opinion.
January 22, 2010 7:45 AM
XBradTC said...
Go with option 1.
Seriously, what kind of nutjob posts stuff like this?
I've never met or heard of this guy or Brian, but I'm starting to guess why they might not fall madly in love with you.
February 16, 2010 12:48 PM
steve said...
You are a whole new kind of crazy. like wtf is wrong with you. Oh yeah you are depressed. i forgot well i know you are gonna ask me how you should "off yourself" i would go with pills, that way you don't take any normal people with you. good luck and good riddance
B VONGOOL -
You have no idea.
And on top of that, there is this gal who has just gone off the deep end while online.
You have no idea.
And on top of that, there is this gal who has just gone off the deep end while online.
# posted by : 11:56 PM
: 11:56 PM
Awwwwwwww FUUUUCK!!!!!!
I missed it. Stupid work.
No! Wait! Awesome work. Stupid DarkSock. She deleted her whole blog. All that madness is lost to the winds now. Dummy! It would have been way cooler to pose as a sympathetic female, get to know her, get hold of her neuroses, drag her inside out and then drop the bomb about what you're really up to. Guarantee, you'd have gotten video of her blowing her own head off.
Men. You guys gotta go right in and blow your wad in ten seconds. We'll play around with it for ages until we get an explosive result. And that's why we're all so fucking evil.
I missed it. Stupid work.
No! Wait! Awesome work. Stupid DarkSock. She deleted her whole blog. All that madness is lost to the winds now. Dummy! It would have been way cooler to pose as a sympathetic female, get to know her, get hold of her neuroses, drag her inside out and then drop the bomb about what you're really up to. Guarantee, you'd have gotten video of her blowing her own head off.
Men. You guys gotta go right in and blow your wad in ten seconds. We'll play around with it for ages until we get an explosive result. And that's why we're all so fucking evil.
Damn it, I just left some sweet ass comments on that blog and now it's deleted?
What the fuck man?! I really wanted to chuckle about them later.
Let's just hope she didn't off herself*...
*I honestly don't know if I'm being sarcastic or serious with that comment.
What the fuck man?! I really wanted to chuckle about them later.
Let's just hope she didn't off herself*...
*I honestly don't know if I'm being sarcastic or serious with that comment.
# posted by : 12:36 AM
: 12:36 AM
Such are the perils of pouring one's heart out in the evil and unforgiving realm of the blogosphere.
And shut up. You're stupid.
And shut up. You're stupid.
I have to admit though, people were trying to get her to take down that blog for over three months, and we pulled it off in a single day.
God damns we gots some good ass mock.
God damns we gots some good ass mock.
# posted by : 12:45 AM
: 12:45 AM
i think you all just walked yourselves into a shitstorm you won't be able to walk away from.
your IP addresses are your worst enemy from this point forward.
sucks 2 b u.
your IP addresses are your worst enemy from this point forward.
sucks 2 b u.
# posted by : 12:50 AM
: 12:50 AM
Come now Sergeant Scrote, lay off the poor woman. Taking advantage of a manic depressive's legitimate condition is just going to far. Mocking the self-obsessed and egocentric is one thing, but resorting to picking on the emotionally weak and feeble?
Why not point out Taylor Swift's lack of talent, Christian Bale's extreme whininess, or Sarah Palin's putridly rancid smelling vagina? It's just too easy man.
Why not point out Taylor Swift's lack of talent, Christian Bale's extreme whininess, or Sarah Palin's putridly rancid smelling vagina? It's just too easy man.
Sorry to be unfunny, but what does some depressed person's blog have to do with hot chicks and douchebags? Yes, the blog is strange and out there for everyone to see, but imho, it was something best left alone. It also isn't doing DB1 any favors by inviting trouble over to his site.
This sucks, because I kinda liked this site, but I can't come by and laugh at the comments anymore now that I I've seen that so many people don't distinguish between poking fun at some smug douchebag and going after someone who might be genuinely mentally ill. If there is no line, then there is no fun for me. Over and outta here.
This sucks, because I kinda liked this site, but I can't come by and laugh at the comments anymore now that I I've seen that so many people don't distinguish between poking fun at some smug douchebag and going after someone who might be genuinely mentally ill. If there is no line, then there is no fun for me. Over and outta here.
# posted by : 4:44 AM
: 4:44 AM
@ Anon 12:50 & 12:51,
your lack of knowledge about how far floating IP addresses have come is a dead giveaway that you are technologically stuck at the year 2000. if you were stuck at the mainframe / assembly days you might actually engender some respect because then you'd be able to explain the significance of DEADBEEF at a Google job interview.
but no you're just a fucking bluff.
why am i telling you this?
because i can, dipshit.
your lack of knowledge about how far floating IP addresses have come is a dead giveaway that you are technologically stuck at the year 2000. if you were stuck at the mainframe / assembly days you might actually engender some respect because then you'd be able to explain the significance of DEADBEEF at a Google job interview.
but no you're just a fucking bluff.
why am i telling you this?
because i can, dipshit.
also, people who preface their very first comment on HCwDB anonymously with the "this site used to be good but it has gone bad because blah blah blah" argument need to have their wrists crushed in a freak accident.
also also, i realized a few seconds later that no one cares about ironworking. so there's no point for me to talk about it.
bastards.
bastards.
finally, is Mr. White absent from a pic that features the cutest girl in math class, or is Mr. White absent from a pic that features the cutest girl in math class?
what is the world coming to?
what is the world coming to?
I was able to post the fact that I had, indeed, peed in a horse on her blog right before it went away. I'd like to think that my sharing of this traumatic event helped her in some small way.
Traumatic for the horse, I mean.
Traumatic for the horse, I mean.
Anon 4:44
She was mentally ill? Really? You know this, how? Because she dropped that as her permanent-pass excuse for her boorish online actions and her chain-fails in life, right?
Back before all of these personality disorders and syndromes were coined there was one blanket term that covered folks like her: ASSHOLE.
She was mentally ill? Really? You know this, how? Because she dropped that as her permanent-pass excuse for her boorish online actions and her chain-fails in life, right?
Back before all of these personality disorders and syndromes were coined there was one blanket term that covered folks like her: ASSHOLE.
# posted by : 5:27 AM
: 5:27 AM
Haha, she took it down. I found a link to her blog on reddit, so there could have been an instant flux of thousands of people commenting about what a psycho bitch she was. I am not Brian, I've lived in Ohio for the past 11 years.
I did meet a girl from Massachusetts while I was there for Christmas. To Vin's point: she has a Bachelor's and Master's from Brown and then Columbia. Not exactly a lightweight. Not exactly pathological, either, as far as I can tell.
I did meet a girl from Massachusetts while I was there for Christmas. To Vin's point: she has a Bachelor's and Master's from Brown and then Columbia. Not exactly a lightweight. Not exactly pathological, either, as far as I can tell.
"I am not Brian, I've lived in Ohio for the past 11 years" sounds like the opening line to a Weezer song; you should send that to Rivers Cuomo. He'd crib it.
Medical fact.
Medical fact.
It's so depressing to see a hott still pure, and yet suckered in just when the douche is starting to, well... I guess the word is "bloom"?
And she's not the cutest girl in math class. That's disrespectful to her level of hottitude. Which is substantial. She's probably one of the, if not the, hottest hotts in school.
And she's not the cutest girl in math class. That's disrespectful to her level of hottitude. Which is substantial. She's probably one of the, if not the, hottest hotts in school.
@Anon 4:44.
Lots of us have mental disorders. It doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. You get help with therapy or drugs or both. You don't create a woe-is-me blog for the world and then react angrily when people comment on it. And you certainly don't pull the I'm gonna kill myself card and think "they'll all be sad when I'm gone". That isn't the sign of a sick person, it's a sign of a pathetic person. If you can't make the effort to improve your life, I will mock you. Incessantly. And don't wallow in a self-pity party.
So, in other words, fuck her and fuck you!
Lots of us have mental disorders. It doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. You get help with therapy or drugs or both. You don't create a woe-is-me blog for the world and then react angrily when people comment on it. And you certainly don't pull the I'm gonna kill myself card and think "they'll all be sad when I'm gone". That isn't the sign of a sick person, it's a sign of a pathetic person. If you can't make the effort to improve your life, I will mock you. Incessantly. And don't wallow in a self-pity party.
So, in other words, fuck her and fuck you!
@ SpineChowder 5:27
I love you.
@ FDD 10:00
I love you, too.
Salvador Dali was in fact dangerously, certifiably mentally ill. And look what he chose to do with it. I'm not a fan of his work, but I have deep respect for anyone who can wrestle their batshit artistic tendencies and inner demons, and harness them to pull themselves into the annals of eternal greatness. Lord knows I've been trying, and failing, for 20 years.
It's one thing to feel bad. It's another to act like a psycho about it. She needs help, not three hours a day wallowing in her own venom and trying to sabotage someone else's life.
I love you.
@ FDD 10:00
I love you, too.
Salvador Dali was in fact dangerously, certifiably mentally ill. And look what he chose to do with it. I'm not a fan of his work, but I have deep respect for anyone who can wrestle their batshit artistic tendencies and inner demons, and harness them to pull themselves into the annals of eternal greatness. Lord knows I've been trying, and failing, for 20 years.
It's one thing to feel bad. It's another to act like a psycho about it. She needs help, not three hours a day wallowing in her own venom and trying to sabotage someone else's life.
I've got a soft spot in my heart for guys who wear cash register tape around the waist in the hope of
a) charging up their libido
b) charging for blow jobs
c) modeling mini tee-pee rolls for sudden and unexpected needs...
a) charging up their libido
b) charging for blow jobs
c) modeling mini tee-pee rolls for sudden and unexpected needs...
Hes only tilting his head like that to hid the 6" lobotomy scar on the right side of his head. Can a "mentally challenged" individual receive an instant nottadouche? or is it a strict case by case judgment call?
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# posted by : 10:10 AM
: 10:10 AM << Home
