There are no words to describe the pain I am feeling right now.
 

Male pattern thinning hair negates one of these cats from being a "boy".
 

Scrotelings in training?
 

Rocky pear has my area rock hard.
 

Good example of why the rock star rule should be removed.
 

The ass is nice, but it's not pear-tight.

How's that for fussy?
 

Okay first of all these guys are all major douchebags. Their look and moves made me want to put the Les Paul through my monitor.

But, musically, it's not a bad tune. I tried listening with my eyes closed and it's reminded me of pre-disco R&B like the Jacksons, Prince, ChiLites Brothers Johnson (minus the great Louie on bass) or Spinners.

Example , Stomp by the Bro's J (hang until 2:20 to check out Thunder Thumbs play that bad-assed bass line)

As a professional musician I'm not as closed minded when it comes to music. It's better than just about any Korn song, Lady Gaga or Kanye drivel ...
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Am I wrong for having skipped the video to go straight (so to speak) to Rocky Pear?

Yeah, try making me believe none of you did the same. Uh huh.....
 

Jonas brothers x N'Sync x wild homo party in Newark = Offspring = Bad Gay Guido Band = These fucking Dooooooouuuchbagggs.
 

auto-tune = auto-douche.
 

sorry boss, went straight to rocky pear... which led to other extracurricular activities
 

Oh I skipped alright!
 

you can kind of she her a hole
 

this tune is from 2003, and the video is made up of bits of the band's other tunes from up to 10 years ago!!!
 

I can dunk on an 8-foot basket too.
 

You can still see the marks on the sides of their mouths where Satan's jizz burned them.
 

@ worm: Thank you. That was really bothering me; it was very obvious that the video was not actually shot for that particular song.

@ Vin Douchal: As a bassist, I appreciate the Brothers love. Thank you!
 

The most painful thing about this band is that there's actually a good band by the name of 5ive, an instrumental metal outfit out of Boston, that these choads make it that much harder to find when Googling.
 

I kinda like it.
 

Well I felt guilty for jumping to Ass Pear first so as penance I decided to try and decipher the lyrics to this masterpiece. For once the words really do compliment the video:

Well I know you heard about how I like to
Yogurt rodeo when I'm in the mood
With crapped-on strap-ons we freak, on that dirty week
Black plug I think I'm falling for you

Yeh, you're giving me those feelings
You're making me go crazy
I'm talking to you latex
Make me pee, make me pee...

You're plugging me up
You're turning me brown
You're twisting my colon around and around
You turn it inside out

You're plugging me up
You're ramming it down
You push my mudlumps around and around
Without my feet on the ground

Ba da da da da
Yeah cum on
My Mom's purse again...
 

^ 11 seconds of the video was quite enough for me. Let's not forget that Michael and his brothers were the Jackson 5ive.

I'm going to Baskin-Robbins for two scoops of their newest flavor - Rocky Pear.
 

She has the ass of a 12-year old boy....






And he wants it back.
 

I'm in agreement with ehcuodouche here, dunking on eight foot rims does not make you look cool, it makes you look like white boys with no hops.

Which they are.

Maybe that was their goal.

I don't know, the video had only one real consistent message:

"Hey world, we're a bunch of no-talent assclowns, look how much we suck! And why yes, we do pilfer bunghole on the weekends."
 

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thanks to vin d for the brothers johnson link, took me back to my youthful creature days when come together was among my favorite cover tunes
 

@ spiny

I believe that is a 12 yr old boy doing reverse sit ups on a rock ledge in a jock strap
 

Sorry folks - its all about the pear. Something went thump against the underside of the desk. I should probably check on that.
 

ballsack boy bands are still definitely a thing of the past, this song brings back horrible memories of high school
 

http://www.supertangas.com/

ass pear heaven
 

98% of bass solos suck. Unless you're talking Billy Sheehan, Chris Squire or Stanley Clarke.

But Louis Johnson was one of the greats. He invented slap bass and can entertain by himself, no band nec:

Thunder Thumbs





Dayum
 

Let's not forget the great Rocco from T.O.P.

I've met him backstage after a show and bought his dvd to try to play like him.

Waste of money, no way was I going to pick this shit up
 

all I can say is, from San Pedro, mike watt
 

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@Creatch,

Is that you in that clip? That's some mean bass - and Mike could slap and pluck with the best of 'em. Damn, I just said "slap and pluck." Sounds more like the activities that 5ive would partake in.

Anyway, did you happen to catch Mike’s last internet show? He played some of The Reactionaries from the late 70’s. Some good sheezy right thayah.

¡Viva San Pedro!
 

Croosh

groovin to the latest twfps pod cast this afternoon (2/13/10)... that crap always cracks me up

get some!
 

@ Mr. White 11:37
Thanks for sharing--I'm eating that stuff up these days, I can't get enough. And they have a song called "The Baron"--it sounds like a good dirge for our own BVG to floss by. But also funny 'cause they remind me of Baroness a bit, whose music make me weep in shame that I've wasted my life.

And suckyballs that they share a name with those pissants. I made it to 0:35 before I had to stop it. Sorry, but if you use the word "girl" more than three times in one song, you need to be beaten with a switch dipped in urine.

@ Creatch---FUCK YES. MIKE WATT.
And north of the border, the incomparable Rob Wright of NoMeansNo.

@ DarkSock 11:56
Is it wrong if I got a little excited reading that?
 

@medusa

Speaking of Baroness, I've been rocking out to both the Blue and Red albums recently. They're a fine musical outfit.
 

Rocky Pear makes we want to renew my subscriptions to both Playboy and Arizona Highways.
 

yeah Crucial busted me on the phony vid of some kid faking it(I mostly like those tunes, among others)... the real mike watt with Firehose in the late eighties... some good shots of the bass master slappin' & pickin
 

what happens to those who don't survive the video? would they be barred from drooling and masturbating over Rocky Pear?

because part of me - a very important part of me - did not survive that video. and i don't feel like elaborating.
 

Um, for those saying these choad-licks are dunking on 8-foot rims.

They're NOT dunking. I did not see one hand above the rim. I did however see some cop-out finger rolls. On 8-foot rims.

I can't believe the video producers didn't give them 7-foot rims.

Speaking of rimming....These 5 are currently in an Orlando half-way-house performing a circle jerk while Lou Pearlman looks on.

Lou: "Don't worry about the cookie boys, I'll eat that. But seriously, you guys have real talent, I think you can really make it. Before we get to teaching you the next dance step however, everybody get undressed the rest of the way, so Uncle Lou can see what he's working with here."
 

Even "Brokencyde" is laughing right now....
 

The video reminded me of this gem from several Internet generations ago:

Rating the Boybands: Special Edition
 

I thought it was typical for all members of a boy band to be vocalists. This is just a singer with 4 backup vocalists/dancers.

I agree with Vin to a certain degree, I think, musically, this is a decent track. Lyrically, not so much. Visually? Not at all.

It reminds me of Diana Ross's "Upside Down" and a little bit of Sister Sledge's "We Are Family."
 

Good lord, thats ancient history, I remember those charming young lads from when my eldest daughter had a thing for not on 5ive but N*sync and the Backstreet Boys.

5ive were the english version of N*sync, one of them went by the moniker of Abs.
 

3:27
 

The video is clearly douchetastic. But, just listening to the music (not the words, which are tripe) the song ain't bad. It's not my cup of tea, but for the genre it is, it's good.

The video still makes me need to have a shower, mind.

And Rocky Pear? Yeah, I would. Twice. While the wife was watching. Then I'd make the wife go fetch us towels afterwards. Cause I am BAD-ASS like that, yo.
 

Should I be worrying if my eyes haven't stopped bleeding from look at this shit? Is two hours too long?
 

Cool
 

Big Up's!