Monday, February 22, 2010
HCwDB of the Week
This was one of the toughest weeks to cull down to a final three. The selections of Hottie/Douchey cohabit were excellent (awful), and we have three worthy finalists for your consideration.
Which will rise to the top (bottom) of the choad/boobie pile? That's, of course, up to you.
Your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Grillzilla
Grillz.
Gilded bling from way back in the late 00s. The age of excess.
Before the Fall.
If anything crystallizes the "ballers" rollin' into the clubs dressed like brand name labeled peacocks of the consumer age, it's Grillz.
Toss in the sleeveless Affliction, bling and douche-hat, and Grillzilla is all that is toxic in Tupelo.
Lady Gwendolyn is sweet, pure, giggly and with high pitched, sonorous voice that suggests lutes and malls with sales going on in them.
I would act interested in hearing about her plans to open a line of shoe stores for children. And then I would hickey her shoulder.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Brohawk
To paraphrase the great Buggin' Out to Sal, we need more brothabags up on this wall.
Brothabag Corky brings true uber-'bag to the game.
Club greased hair. Chin pubes. Douche-face. Bling.
While it's true that Viola prefers not to use two syllable words and can't quite determine a proper dress size, her sultry stare and pink lipstick suggest a raunch factor that deserves applause from all who witness.
And many have witnessed.
Add up the fact this mugging is taking place in a Love Shack waystation on the outskirts of the village where Number Six struggles on a daily basis to determine who is Number One, and it's a worthy entry.
And I see you, pouty Brunette with wonderful curvature sitting down over there. Just pretend I'm not here, and I'll only lightly fondle for a few minutes. Then go off to sleep in the cellar
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Dimples O'Sagg and Kelly Hott
Making the third selection this week was not easy.
But I went for the hottness and Kelly Hott as my deciding factor. For she is uber-gnaw.
Not that there isn't an overpowering 'bagitude from Dimps. Just that Kelly Hott brings the pain in this worthy coupling.
Dimples brings the white trash kitchen. The spikey pyramid faux. And the pants sag + douche belt that deserve nothing but scorn.
Finally, who drinks Corona Light?
This was such a strong week, I didn't even include what I thought were sure finalists, Shmecky O and Tracy Hott, as well as Fishlips McSack, Guido the Killer Pimp and The Wizard of Noz.
And while Federico Fellini's 'La Douche Vida' will definitely be up for a 2010 Douchie Award for the Guggenheim HCwDB exhibit (as Troy Tempest suggested), too much Paid-to-Pose eliminates them.
Which of these three deserves to be HCwDB of the Week?
I want you. No. I need you. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Which will rise to the top (bottom) of the choad/boobie pile? That's, of course, up to you.
Your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Grillzilla
Grillz.
Gilded bling from way back in the late 00s. The age of excess.
Before the Fall.
If anything crystallizes the "ballers" rollin' into the clubs dressed like brand name labeled peacocks of the consumer age, it's Grillz.
Toss in the sleeveless Affliction, bling and douche-hat, and Grillzilla is all that is toxic in Tupelo.
Lady Gwendolyn is sweet, pure, giggly and with high pitched, sonorous voice that suggests lutes and malls with sales going on in them.
I would act interested in hearing about her plans to open a line of shoe stores for children. And then I would hickey her shoulder.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Brohawk
To paraphrase the great Buggin' Out to Sal, we need more brothabags up on this wall.
Brothabag Corky brings true uber-'bag to the game.
Club greased hair. Chin pubes. Douche-face. Bling.
While it's true that Viola prefers not to use two syllable words and can't quite determine a proper dress size, her sultry stare and pink lipstick suggest a raunch factor that deserves applause from all who witness.
And many have witnessed.
Add up the fact this mugging is taking place in a Love Shack waystation on the outskirts of the village where Number Six struggles on a daily basis to determine who is Number One, and it's a worthy entry.
And I see you, pouty Brunette with wonderful curvature sitting down over there. Just pretend I'm not here, and I'll only lightly fondle for a few minutes. Then go off to sleep in the cellar
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Dimples O'Sagg and Kelly Hott
Making the third selection this week was not easy.
But I went for the hottness and Kelly Hott as my deciding factor. For she is uber-gnaw.
Not that there isn't an overpowering 'bagitude from Dimps. Just that Kelly Hott brings the pain in this worthy coupling.
Dimples brings the white trash kitchen. The spikey pyramid faux. And the pants sag + douche belt that deserve nothing but scorn.
Finally, who drinks Corona Light?
This was such a strong week, I didn't even include what I thought were sure finalists, Shmecky O and Tracy Hott, as well as Fishlips McSack, Guido the Killer Pimp and The Wizard of Noz.
And while Federico Fellini's 'La Douche Vida' will definitely be up for a 2010 Douchie Award for the Guggenheim HCwDB exhibit (as Troy Tempest suggested), too much Paid-to-Pose eliminates them.
Which of these three deserves to be HCwDB of the Week?
I want you. No. I need you. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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She's the least hot, but Viola is such a slut that it's turning me on the most, so Brothabag gets my vote.
- 'Bagamemnon
- 'Bagamemnon
# posted by 
: 7:15 AM
: 7:15 AM
Where is everyone this morning? Imma let the other two finish, but Grillzilla is the biggest douche this week.
...BAG TO THE BONE
...BAG TO THE BONE
# posted by : 7:31 AM
: 7:31 AM
Grizilla by a landslide. Look at that mouth, really just look at it and tell me either of the other candidates are douchier. True White Trash Inland Empire Cali douche. His girl is definitely cute and is also my favourite of the three so they clearly get my vote.
The other two while annoying don't really get my ire up and both might be disqualified for being gay-bags. Dimples looks like he has sucked way more cock than Kelly(who is overly made up) and the Brohawk may in fact be just a fat lesbian.
FUCK GRILLZILLA
The other two while annoying don't really get my ire up and both might be disqualified for being gay-bags. Dimples looks like he has sucked way more cock than Kelly(who is overly made up) and the Brohawk may in fact be just a fat lesbian.
FUCK GRILLZILLA
# posted by : 7:36 AM
: 7:36 AM
Grillzilla for the win. Everything about him just screams "unemployable", while everything about her screams "more fun than is legal in the continental United States."
Tough call. Scare Grillz vs. Asian Contagion. Brohawk a distant third.
Two gorgeous girls representing diversity at its tastiest.
I have to go with the Killa Grilla on this one. If Dimples just pulls up his pants, he probably gets a notta. But Grillie will always look silly.
Two gorgeous girls representing diversity at its tastiest.
I have to go with the Killa Grilla on this one. If Dimples just pulls up his pants, he probably gets a notta. But Grillie will always look silly.
Grillz are so past "cool" that I can't even mock them anymore. My vote goes to The Brohawk. She is kind of trampy but might be worth the courses of anti-biotics. He should know better.
# posted by : 7:50 AM
: 7:50 AM
Gotta give the Brothabag his due. Corky is the only one who is taking this contest seriously, though with a touch of irony.
# posted by : 7:52 AM
: 7:52 AM
Ah. Three fine 'bags and three smashing hotts. And by fine, I mean malodorous.
I love Kelly Hott and to answer DB1's question: Who drinks Corona Light? -People who buy it thinking it's regular Corona. Which is already a bit douchey in and of itself.
But I gotta go with Grillzilla. He instills an urge in me to kick kittens; and Gendolyn's apparent adoration makes me want to kick more kittens. And slap Kuala cubs.
What's she thinking? Is she thinking? These questions hound me.
Grillz and Gwen FTW.
AV
I love Kelly Hott and to answer DB1's question: Who drinks Corona Light? -People who buy it thinking it's regular Corona. Which is already a bit douchey in and of itself.
But I gotta go with Grillzilla. He instills an urge in me to kick kittens; and Gendolyn's apparent adoration makes me want to kick more kittens. And slap Kuala cubs.
What's she thinking? Is she thinking? These questions hound me.
Grillz and Gwen FTW.
AV
# posted by : 7:55 AM
: 7:55 AM
Brohawk FTW!
Indeed, it is overdue. It is time to elect a brotha to our mockdouchery society's weekly honor. Besides, I want to see Viola's curves and seductive stare later in the monthly finals....Brotha Brohawk, UR THE MAN!
Indeed, it is overdue. It is time to elect a brotha to our mockdouchery society's weekly honor. Besides, I want to see Viola's curves and seductive stare later in the monthly finals....Brotha Brohawk, UR THE MAN!
Grillzilla!
Other two look like it's a passing fad. Grillzilla has made it a lifestyle. We'll see him in the posting "Grillzilla Turns 80" in a few years.
Other two look like it's a passing fad. Grillzilla has made it a lifestyle. We'll see him in the posting "Grillzilla Turns 80" in a few years.
Grillzilla, simply because I can't tell where his shirt starts and his tatoo-ed skin ends.
# posted by : 8:15 AM
: 8:15 AM
Grillzilla is horrible and his hott is luscious. I would like to drive a Mack truck into his face. Then beat his mouth with a whole bag of golf clubs. He and Gwen for the win/loss.
I also must reiterate that Kelly Hott should be in the HoH, she is outstanding.
I also must reiterate that Kelly Hott should be in the HoH, she is outstanding.
Grillzilla FTW, with the admission that I have nothing against tats, and am in fact tattooed myself. Its the Grillz, the Affliction (Infection) T, the bling, and the 'tude. Plus I want to pull Gwendolyn's hair as I ravage her from behind, but thats another story...
Breauxhawk woulda gotten my vote if he had the girl in the white sweater with him, instead of the syphlittic whore pictured.
Dimples, while douchey, is young, and I believe once he gets his ass kicked a few times for wearing his pants like that, will straighten up and fly right. Kelly's lipstick is doing exactly what it was designed for, and I am a stone cold sucker for big brown eyes, but it does not overcome the 100th degree Scrote that is Grillz.
Breauxhawk woulda gotten my vote if he had the girl in the white sweater with him, instead of the syphlittic whore pictured.
Dimples, while douchey, is young, and I believe once he gets his ass kicked a few times for wearing his pants like that, will straighten up and fly right. Kelly's lipstick is doing exactly what it was designed for, and I am a stone cold sucker for big brown eyes, but it does not overcome the 100th degree Scrote that is Grillz.
i vote grillzilla b/c even with a mouth with gold and diamonds, his net value is still in the negatives.
# posted by : 8:36 AM
: 8:36 AM
I want to break my hand on each of their faces equally. Therefore, it's up to the hotts. Needless to say, Dimples O'Sagg and Kelly Hott FTW!
-crazy-sexy-douche
-crazy-sexy-douche
Kelly Hott is the hottest, by far.
However, my vote goes to The Brohawk. Forgive if I haven't read up on him, but does he have an orange tint?
However, my vote goes to The Brohawk. Forgive if I haven't read up on him, but does he have an orange tint?
# posted by : 8:37 AM
: 8:37 AM
Grillzilla. It was always Grillzilla. It will always be Grillzilla.
Even he seems to think putting that crap on his teeth was a bad idea.
I'm choosing to interpret Gwendolyn's charming smile and point is more out of mockery than any sense of approval, which makes her all that more hawter.
Perhaps I give her too much credit, but I feel I'm well within the margin of clouded judgement.
Even he seems to think putting that crap on his teeth was a bad idea.
I'm choosing to interpret Gwendolyn's charming smile and point is more out of mockery than any sense of approval, which makes her all that more hawter.
Perhaps I give her too much credit, but I feel I'm well within the margin of clouded judgement.
Kelly Hott FTW. I don't even care who's in the picture with her. I'd vote for the picture even if it was me in it.
Actually, I wouldn't vote at all, because I'd be gnawing.
Actually, I wouldn't vote at all, because I'd be gnawing.
Hey, Lady Gwendolyn, can you tell me where that horrible stench of stale piss beer and composting spooge is coming from? Oh, thanks.
Grillz.
Grillz.
Brohawk ftw for the mere effort he put into that ridiculous hairdoo. And by doo I mean doo- as in doo doo.
Viola is maximum bleeth in need of a GED.
Also, nice "Prisoner" reference there boss. I only we could banish these choads to the village where the will be chased by giant balloons for the rest of their life.
Viola is maximum bleeth in need of a GED.
Also, nice "Prisoner" reference there boss. I only we could banish these choads to the village where the will be chased by giant balloons for the rest of their life.
The Browhawk
With a simple raise of the eyebrow he out-smarms Dimples, and we all feel "icky" because of it
With a simple raise of the eyebrow he out-smarms Dimples, and we all feel "icky" because of it
Grillzilla FTW
Mostly because he reminds me of that feeling you got when, as a child, you were too jazzed about your haul of Halloween candy to remember to fully unwrap that Hershey's Kiss and you bit down on tin foil, releasing 1,000,000 volts of static electricity directly into your cranium.
Also, it's fun to say, "Grillzilla."
Mostly because he reminds me of that feeling you got when, as a child, you were too jazzed about your haul of Halloween candy to remember to fully unwrap that Hershey's Kiss and you bit down on tin foil, releasing 1,000,000 volts of static electricity directly into your cranium.
Also, it's fun to say, "Grillzilla."
Because Dimples is a dork and because Brohawk's beer gut suggests that Something Else might be going on here besides 'baggery--I'm thinking mid-life crisis--it's Grillzilla all the way.
Grillzilla is everything this site is about: honest loathing for a broad but formulaic constellation of spectacle--like that spiderweb tattoo's suggestion that he's bad enough to have done time--that positions itself with the specific mission of mackin' on teh hott.
Grillzilla FTW.
Grillzilla is everything this site is about: honest loathing for a broad but formulaic constellation of spectacle--like that spiderweb tattoo's suggestion that he's bad enough to have done time--that positions itself with the specific mission of mackin' on teh hott.
Grillzilla FTW.
Grizzila FTW!!! He woke up one day and said, I sure would like to look like H-Town rapper Paul Wall. Thousands of dollars in grillz, tats and bling later, people say, "Hey you look like that guy, you know who I mean."
# posted by : 9:28 AM
: 9:28 AM
while Kelly is definitely the hottest hott, there is nothing terribly unique about the douchiness of Dimples O'Sagg. he's just a typical douche. but when you look at our man Grillzilla, his dedication to the douche spectacle is evident, and his perseverance is supreme: filthy full-arm tattoos, sleeveless Affliction T-shirt, completely out-of-place silver chain, and ubiquitous Riverside/OC flatbill cap... also, Lady Gwen is nothing to shake a stick at... and i'd clearly shake mine at her.
Grillzilla all the way!!!
Grillzilla all the way!!!
Kelly Hott FTW. Dimples is an unremarkable douchling, but any picture with Kelly gets my vote. Also another request for the HoH.
# posted by : 9:33 AM
: 9:33 AM
Corky and Viola FTW. One night with Viola could change your life. The hospital stay would go by quickly, while you searched the urban dictionary for words that describe what happenned. The doctor may debate on your mental health, but surely you can fake sanity for one week, while you recuperate and get ready for another go around.
Brohawk FTW. He has too much of that "Look at me. Now look at your man. Look at me, again. Look at your man. Eyes back on me" swagger going on. Viola seems to enjoy the view while Kelly Hott (destined for the Hall of Hott) is Dimple's fag hag and Lady Gwendolyn said, "Oh my God! Charisse! Get me and this clown with twisted metal dentures with your camera so I can get on HCwDB!"
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
I'm writing in a vote for (against) Fishlips McSack due to extreme amounts of punchface. His lippy smirk fills me with the burning rage of 2.576 red giants.
# posted by : 9:43 AM
: 9:43 AM
wow, a brothabag and a wigga face off in the weekly. Its close, but i'm going grillz. It's rare that i come across something so foul and nauseating that it not ony makes me vomit, it makes my vomit vomit
Grillzilla is the biggest douche , so book that one for the weekly.
Is Lady Gwendolyn from an Oscar Wilde play or from King Arthur's court? Don't care, I love's me some blondes.
Her pussy is where Nutrasweet comes from.
Keep Kelly Hott's location for a return in December.
Is Lady Gwendolyn from an Oscar Wilde play or from King Arthur's court? Don't care, I love's me some blondes.
Her pussy is where Nutrasweet comes from.
Keep Kelly Hott's location for a return in December.
I guess we're supposed to give rockerdouches a pass or something, but Grillzilla is a f*cking retard and his so-called "music" sucks anyway. Plus, Gwendolyn is the most naturally-beautiful hott here.
So my vote goes to Grillzilla. Because he looks like something the Robosaurus would vomit up.
So my vote goes to Grillzilla. Because he looks like something the Robosaurus would vomit up.
Here at Casa-La-Douche we can only marvel at the spectacle that is Grillzilla. And Lady Gwendolyn might even be a real blond. So Grillzilla for the win.
Brohawk's girl is a little too 'pose for the picture' and Kelly Hott is kinda 'keep you hand away from my boob'. This leave's Grillzilla's hott...she actually seems happy to be next to this neanderthal and nothing pisses me off more than that. Grillzilla FTW!
# posted by : 10:24 AM
: 10:24 AM
In honor of Black History Month...and that swell of flesh beneath Viola's pearl necklace...I vote Brothabag.
# posted by : 10:26 AM
: 10:26 AM
Brohawk give's that "I'm entitled like Tiger Woods" young douche aura in his pic. And like Tiger hopefully one day he will go into a form of Douche Rehab. Revolting.
Brohawk FTW.
Brohawk FTW.
one could only hope that GrillZilla will drunkenly chew on the lamp cord while kneeling in a puddle of pee
GZ for the win
GZ for the win
I didn't need the help, but thanks for pointing to the douche in the picture Gwendolyn, or making the "L" for loser hand gesture. Grillz and Lady Gwen FTW.
# posted by : 10:43 AM
: 10:43 AM
Grillzilla. Kelly Hott runs a distant 2nd to Gwendolyn's awesomeness, while Dimples runs a distant 2nd to Grillz' douchiness. Viola and Brohawk deserve each other.
# posted by : 10:44 AM
: 10:44 AM
Please, db1, don't call dimples' kitchen white trash. That just fuels his consumer delusion of ghetto worthiness.
That was just so many layers of wrong I need to drill a hole in my head.
But I have to go with Kelly Hott. Because everything about her says I need to torch myself as a sacrifice to her. And yet here she is wasting away in the mundaneness of douchery. And not even a good, dedicated douche. Just some clueless suburban pudwhack.
That was just so many layers of wrong I need to drill a hole in my head.
But I have to go with Kelly Hott. Because everything about her says I need to torch myself as a sacrifice to her. And yet here she is wasting away in the mundaneness of douchery. And not even a good, dedicated douche. Just some clueless suburban pudwhack.
Brohawk gets a vote. He's so douchey I want to punch myself in the face.
And I love the sneaky boobs on the brunette chick on the left. I need more pics of her!
And I love the sneaky boobs on the brunette chick on the left. I need more pics of her!
# posted by : 11:02 AM
: 11:02 AM
If Wretch-A-Sketch had done steroids instead of meth or heroin, he would be GrillZilla.
Brohawk is clearly just a facelifted Cliff Huxtable out on the town.
Kelly is just in it for the pose. Notice the near-manic control over O'Sagg's hand; lest it accidentally venture further north, into the mountains.
Viola is either staffing a 10-man gangbang in her mind, or wondering what that Wrath-of-Khan-scale burning sensation is.
Zilla FTW.
Brohawk is clearly just a facelifted Cliff Huxtable out on the town.
Kelly is just in it for the pose. Notice the near-manic control over O'Sagg's hand; lest it accidentally venture further north, into the mountains.
Viola is either staffing a 10-man gangbang in her mind, or wondering what that Wrath-of-Khan-scale burning sensation is.
Zilla FTW.
# posted by : 11:05 AM
: 11:05 AM
Brohawk and Viola. She was impressed with his '82 Camaro and I drive a '93 model. So that gives me a shot at her whobag jumpoff ass, right? The other hotties would probably cross the street to avoid me, if they even noticed my fat ass. Viola for her skanky goodness.
# posted by : 11:12 AM
: 11:12 AM
NONE of these douchebags can even compare to the horror that is STACKHOUSE. They GET NONE, don't snort coke off toilet seats, and don't even have a fucking turkey. Not only that, but KELLY HOTT is in a COPYRIGHT VIOLATION of KATHY HOTT's name. Where the hell is the RIAA when we need it???
The most douchest of the three is Grillzilla, but is a very sad example of the bros.
The most douchest of the three is Grillzilla, but is a very sad example of the bros.
Goin' for the Brohawk here, because that is one FINE, sassy looking Sistah, plus I am all equal opportunity that way and stuff.
# posted by : 11:27 AM
: 11:27 AM
She is perfectly understated blond cuteness with a blissfully ignorant rural Texas Methodist upbringing. He is a James Bond villain. Grillzilla FTW.
I already voted for Metal Mouth, but I want to reiterate that Kelly Hott belongs in the muthafuccen Hall of Hott.
Because she is. Hott. Despite having a gay boyfriend and/or brother.
Because she is. Hott. Despite having a gay boyfriend and/or brother.
Gotta do some HCwDB math here. For the hott: Gwendolyn is a 9, Viola barely a 5, Kelly a pure 10. For the douche: Grillz is at least a 9, Brohawk a 7, and Dimples a 4. Which gives us Gwen+Grillz 18, Viola+Brohawk 12, and Kelly+Dimples 14. So although Kelly is the hotter hott (not that I wouldn't do unspeakable things to Gwen's underwear were she to leave them lying around, mind), Dimples isn't douche enough to match the choadwank skillz of Grillz.
Grillz and Lady Gwendolyn FTW.
Grillz and Lady Gwendolyn FTW.
Although Kelly Hott would usually be to good to pass up, I still have to go with the Brohawk cause it is February and that whole affirmative action thing.
Grillz and Gwendolyn ftw. He is everything that makes terrorists fly planes into our buildings. Asinine teeth bling, ridiculous tatts, "rebellious" clothing that is mass marketed to every idiot in this country. The next original thought in his head will be the first. And Gwendolyn is scrumptious corn-fed hotness.
I'm not seeing the hottness of Kelly Hott and Sags is just an idiot teenager that is going to grow out of this stage of his life and look back on it in shame.
The Brohawk is a major douche but he has enough problems with the myriad of STDs that Viola most assuredly gave him that night. It doesn't feel right to mock the afflicted.
I'm not seeing the hottness of Kelly Hott and Sags is just an idiot teenager that is going to grow out of this stage of his life and look back on it in shame.
The Brohawk is a major douche but he has enough problems with the myriad of STDs that Viola most assuredly gave him that night. It doesn't feel right to mock the afflicted.
Grillzilla FTW! Why? I only hope that Shobijin, Cosmos, and Elias are somewhere in the background using their songs to plot his imminent destruction. Look up the reference bitches!
# posted by : 1:19 PM
: 1:19 PM
Grillzilla captures the win through his apt demonstration that love is indeed the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
I want to take a shovel to that grill like Smokey Bear putting out a campfire. Grillzilla the Vanilla Killa FTW.
Gotta be Dimples for the win.
That grin-and-grab says nothing more than 'I might be a Douchebag, but I'm gettin away with it y'all!'
Let us crown him DBOTW and prove to Kelly what she already knew... Daddy was right about him and she won't be driving the new Benz until she wakes up and smells the Sean John.
That grin-and-grab says nothing more than 'I might be a Douchebag, but I'm gettin away with it y'all!'
Let us crown him DBOTW and prove to Kelly what she already knew... Daddy was right about him and she won't be driving the new Benz until she wakes up and smells the Sean John.
I can not believe anybody besides Grillzilla is getting any votes. The Hottness of Kelly unmistakable but Grillzilla is breaking new ground by having everything a douche normally has and adding a god damn GRILL! On top of that Gwendolyn is just beautiful. This is by a wide margin the worst pairing I have ever seen.
Grillzilla is the frontman for a fairly popular band. I am not giving him rockstar leniency, he is clearly a douche, but his a professional d-bag, so I can't choose him in good faith.
Brohawk and Dimples O'Sagg are about equally douchey. Dimples is probably douchier, but only marginally, so I've got to go to the hott for the tiebreaker.
Obviously, that's Kelly. I'd hump a pile of her dirty laundry and wouldn't last 12 seconds.
Brohawk and Dimples O'Sagg are about equally douchey. Dimples is probably douchier, but only marginally, so I've got to go to the hott for the tiebreaker.
Obviously, that's Kelly. I'd hump a pile of her dirty laundry and wouldn't last 12 seconds.
The Brohawk gets my vote.
To paraphrase philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, "All douchebags pass through three stages. First, they are ridiculed. Second, they are violently opposed. Third, they are accepted as being self-evident." Brohawk, by ebony brother, you are self-evident and can help to bring down African-American culture singlehandedly.
To paraphrase philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, "All douchebags pass through three stages. First, they are ridiculed. Second, they are violently opposed. Third, they are accepted as being self-evident." Brohawk, by ebony brother, you are self-evident and can help to bring down African-American culture singlehandedly.
# posted by : 3:41 PM
: 3:41 PM
Diversity week at hcwdb! Form this lineup of UNited Colors of Douche, this being February and all have to give it to Brohawk. His face seems to have an air of superiority, no doubt due to the horse semen seeping into his skull, and is mace worthy . And she has a pearl necklace automatic win.
# posted by : 4:05 PM
: 4:05 PM
Grillzilla would have been a shoo-in in this lot anyway, but gets extra douche-credit for having one of my least-favorite douche accoutrements, the dime-sized holes in his earlobes.
Grillz FTW.
Grillz FTW.
Oh, this is painful.
When a white boy trying his best to act black is put against a brotha trying to act white ... isn't that the plot of the "Left Behind" books?
Gwen is classic all-American girl meets barnacle mouth from the wrong side of the tracks.
Sleeve tattoo to disguise the fact he doesn't work out his arms. Gouged giant holes in his ears for kicks. Grill to disguise the fact that he's missing teeth from getting his ass kicked. (Oh, he has that nose and never got his face pounded? Please)
Schnoz-zilla for the win.
When a white boy trying his best to act black is put against a brotha trying to act white ... isn't that the plot of the "Left Behind" books?
Gwen is classic all-American girl meets barnacle mouth from the wrong side of the tracks.
Sleeve tattoo to disguise the fact he doesn't work out his arms. Gouged giant holes in his ears for kicks. Grill to disguise the fact that he's missing teeth from getting his ass kicked. (Oh, he has that nose and never got his face pounded? Please)
Schnoz-zilla for the win.
# posted by : 5:06 PM
: 5:06 PM
You guys are really missing the brilliance of the Brohawk. He has reversed the original douche paradigm of white suburban youths imitating the style and attitude of inner-city anger by co-opting the persona and attitude of the wanna-be white "player". He is like a black Vanilla Ice, a white Kanye West. Genius my brotha, genius.
Brohawk FTW.
Brohawk FTW.
# posted by : 6:54 PM
: 6:54 PM
Like a wise man once said: "I have a dream that my brothabags will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their douchiness."
I ask ye this: can we vote for a brothabag? Yes, we can!
The Brohawk for the win!
I ask ye this: can we vote for a brothabag? Yes, we can!
The Brohawk for the win!
Arrgh!!!! This is tough in that all three have something that is completely mediocre and undeserving. Dimples is clearly only there for the hott; brohawk's hott is somewhat unappealing, And Grillz is just laughable, plus they may be fake teeth bling.
Gonna go with Brohawk FTW... that hair, couple with that raised eyebrow and chin-pubes is just too much.
Gonna go with Brohawk FTW... that hair, couple with that raised eyebrow and chin-pubes is just too much.
Grillzilla really wants it, and Dimples and Kelly share lipstick and eyeliner, but I'm voting for Brothabag because of his stance. I'm telling you, that guys got a little Captain in him.
# posted by : 8:05 PM
: 8:05 PM
OK, so Kelly has boobs that reach from me to you, and I'd love to see just one photo of her topless. But after that one photo, don't be needin' no more.
Lovely Gwen, on the other hand, is the kind of girl you'd just love to spend some time steaming up the windows from the back seat of grandma's 1972 Chrysler Newport. I'd just never get tired of that skin, those eyes, that smile, those teeth. She is daydream hott, meaning sipping lemonade on the hammock and planning next weeks "activities".
Now, contrast her classic beauty with one of the most disgusting sub-human masses of protoplasm ever to crawl out of the muck, and you understand why no one with an I.Q. above 25 could vote for....
Grillzilla FTW.
Lovely Gwen, on the other hand, is the kind of girl you'd just love to spend some time steaming up the windows from the back seat of grandma's 1972 Chrysler Newport. I'd just never get tired of that skin, those eyes, that smile, those teeth. She is daydream hott, meaning sipping lemonade on the hammock and planning next weeks "activities".
Now, contrast her classic beauty with one of the most disgusting sub-human masses of protoplasm ever to crawl out of the muck, and you understand why no one with an I.Q. above 25 could vote for....
Grillzilla FTW.
# posted by : 8:23 PM
: 8:23 PM
It's gotta be Grillzilla. Why? Because every time he flashes his grin, a thousand baby seals club themselves to death in despair; every time he says "shyeah - fuckin awesome", another amphibian species suicides itself into extinction, en masse; every time he gropes a hott God strangles an angel for their incompetence; and every breath he takes makes the fetid pile of puss that is his spastic spooge filled vacuum of a brain stronger. And by stronger, I mean hurl inducing.
She however, is the essence of truth and beauty. She is the opposite of the crisis of modernism: she is renewed hope in progress and universal freedom incarnate.
She however, is the essence of truth and beauty. She is the opposite of the crisis of modernism: she is renewed hope in progress and universal freedom incarnate.
# posted by : 9:42 PM
: 9:42 PM
Kelly Hott makes me think of nights spent with a Costco pack of Nutella and Hitachi personal massager...
And Dimples needs to be slapped in the face with a wilted zucchini.
And Dimples needs to be slapped in the face with a wilted zucchini.
In the name of the pustulent tide of douchebags who managed to turn the adolescent humiliation of a mouthful of jagged, food-catching metal parts into a fashion statement, Grillzilla FTW.
Another classic hottest-hott-isn't-with-douchiest-douche. I can't say it better than @uscrascal 9:33 did. Brothabag is just posing; Grillz has made it a lifestyle. Doing that to his teeth puts him easily in first place, outracing Kelly's uber-lusciousness.
Grillz FTW!
Grillz FTW!
# posted by : 11:24 PM
: 11:24 PM
I'm casting my aspersions and voting for that KELLY HOTT and Dimply O'Sagg, but only because she really is a total HOTCHICK, and he the less than total douchebag with that ridiculous belt dismissing the notion of waistline and strapping over a probably minuscule cock-line to hide that little fact.
Such voluminous boobies can only be held up by either a springform pan designed for the heaviest New York cheesecake, or the ubiquitous and tortuous highly engineered bra.
Her face is as sweet as the richest chocolate truffle, while his pointy hair is as smelly as a mound of untouched cat-food drying out in the dish.
Such voluminous boobies can only be held up by either a springform pan designed for the heaviest New York cheesecake, or the ubiquitous and tortuous highly engineered bra.
Her face is as sweet as the richest chocolate truffle, while his pointy hair is as smelly as a mound of untouched cat-food drying out in the dish.
brohawk, there is just a douche-essence there, it surpasses all costuming and affectation. he is a douche who would be a douche in any era, like all the great ones.
I always thought brothabags had too much built in soul to take out a weekly, but I've changed my mind. So it's Brohawk ftw.
It's a three-way tie in my opinion.
But since that's not an option, I'm going with the most infuriating douche and sweet innocent hottness. Grillz and Gwenny.
She spontaniously creates parties in my pants. He just makes me want to floss.
But since that's not an option, I'm going with the most infuriating douche and sweet innocent hottness. Grillz and Gwenny.
She spontaniously creates parties in my pants. He just makes me want to floss.
Grillzilla. Because lady Gwendolyn calls to me to come rescue her from the steltoothed dragonbag, which means she's not yet lost. Because Viola creeps me out if possible more than the Brohawk does and because Kelly can not possibly be threatened by Dimples, seeing as how he is obviously some kind of childbag, lamebag or oldbag. Even his 'bagherd thinks he's weak.
The Grillz it is. He is both more 'bag than the other two 'bags combagged and he poses a serious threat to a serious hott. Doesn't get more serious than that.
The Grillz it is. He is both more 'bag than the other two 'bags combagged and he poses a serious threat to a serious hott. Doesn't get more serious than that.
# posted by : 2:35 AM
: 2:35 AM
the snobbishness exuded by the narrow eyes and arched eyebrows of the Brohawk can only be overcome by... the excessive bling and tatts of the Grillzilla.
Grillzilla FTW.
Grillzilla FTW.
If I learned anything from Slumdog Millionaire its that guys with grillz deserve a cricket bat to the face - and genitals. Grillzilla FTW.
# posted by : 5:04 AM
: 5:04 AM
I gotta go with Dimples and Kelly on this one.
Brohawk is a one-trick pony, and that tower of grease on his head isn't enough to win him a weekly.
Grillzilla is what happens when Jaws decides to sign an MMA contract and I am not impressed.
But Dimples and Kelly. You don't see a pseudo-rocker Asian douche every day, and certainly not with a semi-rockabilly hott like Kelly. What is she doing what that little turdling? This is not a paid-to-pose hot. Not some random babe that Dimples managed to snag in a nightclub for a few pictures before she ran off to powder her nose and disinfect her midsection. They're in a kitchen together! I want to know how this happened, how one ended up in the home of the other, and who I have to shoot to fix this.
Brohawk is a one-trick pony, and that tower of grease on his head isn't enough to win him a weekly.
Grillzilla is what happens when Jaws decides to sign an MMA contract and I am not impressed.
But Dimples and Kelly. You don't see a pseudo-rocker Asian douche every day, and certainly not with a semi-rockabilly hott like Kelly. What is she doing what that little turdling? This is not a paid-to-pose hot. Not some random babe that Dimples managed to snag in a nightclub for a few pictures before she ran off to powder her nose and disinfect her midsection. They're in a kitchen together! I want to know how this happened, how one ended up in the home of the other, and who I have to shoot to fix this.
Grillz for the win, for having all the standard douche accessories (tatts, necklace, earring, muscle shirt, dumb hat, stupid pose) plus going the extra mile and paying for the "Lil Wayne Poser Orthodonture Kitt" at Dung Pac's Discount Dentist Emporium. Extra points because I can't tell if Grillz is actually wearing a shirt or if that is an extended tattoo.
And dammit, the only true Kelly hott is Surfer Kelly. Poser Kelly, while hott, is only a pretender to the title of Kelly! I suggest the two Kellys battle in some fashion that I would find sexually stimulating (which would be just about anything, even playing pinochle).
And dammit, the only true Kelly hott is Surfer Kelly. Poser Kelly, while hott, is only a pretender to the title of Kelly! I suggest the two Kellys battle in some fashion that I would find sexually stimulating (which would be just about anything, even playing pinochle).
# posted by : 9:21 AM
: 9:21 AM
Grillz takes it hands down, because NO! NO! NO! to White Guys with Grillz! That poor girl must be hypnotized to be impressed by that.
# posted by : 9:39 AM
: 9:39 AM
The essence of "Hot Chicks with Douchebags," is found between the real world union between a boner inducing beauty and an everyday pudscrote. Under these guidelines it would normally be Grillzilla, with his smattering of suburban overtatting, faux white gangstaness, and general buttrockertude, coupled with an unbleethed, porcelain goddess known to us as Princess Gwendolyn. Who is neither cocaine skinny nor hefty, and of prinstine hottness. But this not a real couple. Whitetrash McDouche is supossedly in a semihit band and Gwendolyn is openly mocking him to his face. Great work ma lady, but a disquilification from the weekly.
The Brohawk and skeez reek of poo. Nothing more than a heaping log of soceital excriment. We do not honor this, no, we merely observe while passing with the pinching of our collective noses.
Dimples O'Sagg and Kelly Hott, now this is troublesome. And by 'troublesome', I mean, 'I'm actually weeping into a fifth of Black Label at 10:04am'. Kelly is face melting hott. She's bringing the whole package here, sexy visage, ample bussom, and quality tone. Maybe a bit tanned, but she had the know how to not go overboard, and with the gentle glow of some milky cleavite peaking just beyong the border of her shirt, it may actually be the all too rare these days, unfake tan. On the other hand we have Dimples, who just has idiot transposed to his mug. The guy looks as if he took eighty-seven whiffs too many of paint thinner. Stupid hair, nine bracelets, and a smarmy face, I could go on, but I'd rather strike myself in the eyes with a steel mallet. And the worst part is that there's a chance this is a real couple. This exact horror is what deserves a weekly win... and a general rise in alcoholism.
The Brohawk and skeez reek of poo. Nothing more than a heaping log of soceital excriment. We do not honor this, no, we merely observe while passing with the pinching of our collective noses.
Dimples O'Sagg and Kelly Hott, now this is troublesome. And by 'troublesome', I mean, 'I'm actually weeping into a fifth of Black Label at 10:04am'. Kelly is face melting hott. She's bringing the whole package here, sexy visage, ample bussom, and quality tone. Maybe a bit tanned, but she had the know how to not go overboard, and with the gentle glow of some milky cleavite peaking just beyong the border of her shirt, it may actually be the all too rare these days, unfake tan. On the other hand we have Dimples, who just has idiot transposed to his mug. The guy looks as if he took eighty-seven whiffs too many of paint thinner. Stupid hair, nine bracelets, and a smarmy face, I could go on, but I'd rather strike myself in the eyes with a steel mallet. And the worst part is that there's a chance this is a real couple. This exact horror is what deserves a weekly win... and a general rise in alcoholism.
# posted by : 10:25 AM
: 10:25 AM
I gotta go with brohawk for sheer douchiness. It's like he thinks he is too cool for this scene and leaves always surprised that no woman bought him a drink.
# posted by : 10:26 AM
: 10:26 AM
Dimples and Kelly for the win.
Grillz wonderful blondie is mocking him; he is too stupid to notice. Kelly thinks Dimples is going places, and will help her move out of the double wide she currently inhabits.
Grillz wonderful blondie is mocking him; he is too stupid to notice. Kelly thinks Dimples is going places, and will help her move out of the double wide she currently inhabits.
# posted by : 10:48 AM
: 10:48 AM
Grillz FTW
These two, however, may not be a couple. I have a feeling that Grillz set off a metal detector and Gwendolyn was sent in to investigate. Good job Gwen! You uncovered his terrorist plot to spread the Greico virus. Also, when you're done with Grillz I'd like you to inspect a suspicious package (by package I mean my junk).
These two, however, may not be a couple. I have a feeling that Grillz set off a metal detector and Gwendolyn was sent in to investigate. Good job Gwen! You uncovered his terrorist plot to spread the Greico virus. Also, when you're done with Grillz I'd like you to inspect a suspicious package (by package I mean my junk).
# posted by : 12:50 PM
: 12:50 PM
Grillzilla for the win because hitting him in the face with my shovel would only hurt my shovel and because millions of Japaneze screaming "Grillzilla" and running casually down the streets of Tokyo can't be wrong.
# posted by : 2:33 PM
: 2:33 PM
Just so you know, Grillzilla is M. Shadows, the singer from Avenged Sevenfold.
# posted by : 3:02 PM
: 3:02 PM
I couldn't make up my mind for this week's vote. None of the three had the puppy-like "Pick me! Pick me!" that made me want to cast a vote for any of them. But since abstentions are for sackless pussies, I needed to make a decision...
Thankfully, Medusa @ 11:13 PM hit the douche right in the mouth, to sloppily mix metaphors. This geek WILLINGLY had some psychotic fiend weld a whole mess of steel into his mouth to prove... what, exactly? That he likes oral cankers? That three years of braces torment in junior high just wasn't sufficient? That he wants TSA probing his mouth every time he goes through a metal detector at LAX? That he's trying to become the first doucheborg in history?
Grillzilla for the weekly. I just hope the luscious Lady Gwendolyn escaped with her lips and tongue unlacerated. She's on her own for whatever scabies she got from even touching him.
Thankfully, Medusa @ 11:13 PM hit the douche right in the mouth, to sloppily mix metaphors. This geek WILLINGLY had some psychotic fiend weld a whole mess of steel into his mouth to prove... what, exactly? That he likes oral cankers? That three years of braces torment in junior high just wasn't sufficient? That he wants TSA probing his mouth every time he goes through a metal detector at LAX? That he's trying to become the first doucheborg in history?
Grillzilla for the weekly. I just hope the luscious Lady Gwendolyn escaped with her lips and tongue unlacerated. She's on her own for whatever scabies she got from even touching him.
Thanks, Anon 3:02. Everyone is aware. He is a still a massive douche.
And he is a shitty band.
Fuck him.
And you.
Good day.
And he is a shitty band.
Fuck him.
And you.
Good day.
Dimples and Kelly
Because not enough people hate on asian dudes. Even though Kelly's tiny wrists would break if she attempted to handle my cock (and she looks like the type to have the stimulating conversational capacity of a 3 day old dead cat), I would still swab out taxi seats for the chance to sniff her toothbrush.
Because not enough people hate on asian dudes. Even though Kelly's tiny wrists would break if she attempted to handle my cock (and she looks like the type to have the stimulating conversational capacity of a 3 day old dead cat), I would still swab out taxi seats for the chance to sniff her toothbrush.
Kelly may be the hottest hott of this bunch, but her douche is just a nozzle. Grillz is the Full Monty of douches, easily, among this bunch. He looks like Skeletor with braces and hat tilt, and the Axe is seeping from his ridiculous tats.
# posted by : 7:20 PM
: 7:20 PM
If indeed Grillz is M. Shadows (and damn it to hell if I'm going to be bothered to Google him), that throws into question the whole rockstar-douche rule. If your band sucks, and I hear Avenged Sevenfold certainly does, you are expected to act and dress like a toolbox.
I did Google him. Waste of 2 minutes, but it is him. He certainly does not qualify for performance exemption, but he is a professional bag. That should count against him. Brothabag has the least hott, but he has the side hott, and that Captain Morgan pose.
# posted by : 8:13 PM
: 8:13 PM
Grillzilla, because by pointing at him Lady Gwendolyn seems to be acting out the punchline of my favorite Polack joke. "Look what I almost stepped in!"
# posted by : 11:55 PM
: 11:55 PM
Ok, it's been a little while since I've voted I believe and I must say that the quality of hott is still there but where are the A list, up and coming Scrote's?
It's almost as if we are getting nothing but 2nd, 3rd, and 4th rate Choad's these days and the weekly's have been more about voting for the hottest Hott.
Is there no George Brett or Ricky Henderson type Scrote waiting to hit the big leagues? Have all the major scoteheads holed up in a shitty hotel in vegas? Do the real hard core A list scrote's hibernate in the winter or are they in the southern hemisphere where i's sumemr and we just are not getting pics.
HMMMMMMM!
It's almost as if we are getting nothing but 2nd, 3rd, and 4th rate Choad's these days and the weekly's have been more about voting for the hottest Hott.
Is there no George Brett or Ricky Henderson type Scrote waiting to hit the big leagues? Have all the major scoteheads holed up in a shitty hotel in vegas? Do the real hard core A list scrote's hibernate in the winter or are they in the southern hemisphere where i's sumemr and we just are not getting pics.
HMMMMMMM!
I vote none of the above but based on the hott alone I gotta pic Kelly Hott.
This is suppose to be HCwDB's not Hott chick with 2nd rate wanna be scrote. I almost can't make fun of him, it's just sad to see him in this state.
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This is suppose to be HCwDB's not Hott chick with 2nd rate wanna be scrote. I almost can't make fun of him, it's just sad to see him in this state.
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