Hot Chicks with Douchebags: Guido the Killer Pimp

Tablecloth? Looks like it's a variation on the Royal Stewart tartan. She does have small hands, though. I bet they would fit into various orfices...

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:14 AM

Small hands make other things look bigger. If you ever needed a hand model to display your dong in a catalog or something.

# posted by

End the Haberdouchery : 9:17 AM

At least he is pulling up her shirt.

# posted by

little beaver : 9:17 AM

It looks like they have the same size wrists.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:25 AM

Her hands are a different colour than the rest of her.

# posted by

little beaver : 9:27 AM

I can smell the hepatitis through my screen.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:27 AM

Mock the pud, but remember, with a stare like that HE OWNS YOUR SOUL!!!!

At least until after the photo was snapped and he passes an SBD that burned a hole in the sofa.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:33 AM

Her hands are so small she could fist an amoeba.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:43 AM

Her hands are so tiny she has to use both of them to hold a fork.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:44 AM

Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands...

Also that guy is a douche.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:44 AM

That tattoo looks quite infected . . .

As does she.

# posted by

Douche Wayne : 9:45 AM

Her hands are so miniscule that her punches leave holes.

In titanium.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:45 AM

Her hands are so small, she can only fit four fingers on one, and two on the other.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:47 AM

Her hands are so tiny that when Medusa and I had her in the playpen one evening, we both turned around and said, "Well, start already!" even though she already had. Oh, what a laugh we had.

Then Medusa and I did...things to her. Questionable, questionable things.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:47 AM

Her hands are so small, she was hired by hobbits to teach grappling in The Shire.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:48 AM

Her hands are so tiny she can fist a mosquito's proboscis.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:48 AM

Her hands are so tiny she can check a guy's prostate...

...from the front.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:50 AM

Her hands are so small she can only jack off single pubic hairs.

Which, in غamǜrai Scrǿtε's case, takes a long-ass time.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:50 AM

Her hands are so small, she can actually measure my current profit margins between her thumb and index fingers.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:51 AM

One for Doc Bunsen and/or Dicy, if they're around:

Her hands are so tiny, she can juggle quarks.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:51 AM

But for the close proximity of Guido's hand, I would be plagued by the desire to lick that bit of exposed midriff. As it stands, however, not so much.

# posted by

Douchesquire : 9:51 AM

Her hands are so tiny she has to use her elbows to open doors.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:52 AM

Her hands are so tiny, surgeons pay her to scoop cholesterol out of clogged arteries.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:53 AM

Her hands are so tiny, she dipped her fingertips into inkwells and used them to make Guido's arm tatts.

# posted by

Justin C. : 9:54 AM

Her hands are so small that when she fist pumps it makes a whistling sound.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:54 AM

Her hands are so small she has trouble palming golf balls.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:55 AM

Her hands are so small that her palm reading's take less than fifteen seconds.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:57 AM

Her hands are so small that the life line on her palm reads: -12 years.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:58 AM

Her hands are so tiny that it forced Crucial out of his self imposed work exile to make copious "her hands are so tiny" jokes.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:58 AM

I once flew to Bermuda with Orville Redenbacher. He was very nice, and about the oldest looking human I had ever met. And yes, he smelled like popcorn. Two weeks later, he drowned in a fuccen jacuzzi.

True story.

# posted by

Wedgie : 9:58 AM

Her hands are so small that her thumbs are now DISposable.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 9:59 AM

Her hands are so tiny that she performs hernia surgery with her bare hands through diffusion.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:02 AM

@S³

True dat.

I would like to thank غamǜrai Scrǿtε, Lämp, and the Academy for sending me a deluge of entitlement work in this slothful economy. Thanks to them, I was actually drafting over the weekend the first time in a few years. And thanks to this boggy market, my rates have been slashed to margins thinner than an E-Blo’s first and last thoughts smashed together.

Just call me 6¢ Architecture.

I missed mocking the douches and scrotes though.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 10:03 AM

Her hands are so small she can high-five a barnacle.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 10:04 AM

Not quite sure what my last comment meant, but I'll go with it.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 10:04 AM

End the Haberdoucher @9:17...

That's excellent advice. I happen to own a dildo manufacturing company and am looking to upgrade our catalogue photos and possibly prepare some "how to" videos. I will attempt to contact here. Yes, business is booming, thanks for asking. The only real problem is that my lazy, useless, unionized labour force is constantly stealing our products and sometimes it can be hard to meet our shipping dates. But we're getting on top of that problem and things are looking up...

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:05 AM

Her hands are so tiny that she can do a handstand on fishing line.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:08 AM

Her hands are so small that she gives handjobs to amebas.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:10 AM

Her hands are so tiny she can palm her clitoris.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:13 AM

Her hands are so tiny she has to go elbow deep in order to go knuckles deep.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:16 AM

Her hands are so tiny the zoo hired her to artificially inseminate their sea otters.

# posted by

End the Haberdouchery : 10:16 AM

Her hands are so small even Crucial's cockk would look huge in them.

# posted by

THAT MUTHAFUCKA!!! : 10:20 AM

Her hands are so tiny that her cockk punches sound and look like this.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:22 AM

@ SSS 10:10

See Crucial 9:43

# posted by

jeff g. : 10:22 AM

@ Mr. White 9:47

Oh, that was a jolly old time, was it not? So much better than when he had that awful Shirley "Lobster Claws" McGee over.

After watching that BK commercial, I couldn't help but think about the old joke: Never date a woman with big hands, it will make your dick look small. Then I was thinking, that dude in the BK commercial must love beating off, it makes him look like Johnny Wadd.

This dude has done far too much manscaping.

# posted by

Medusa Oblongata : 10:24 AM

Her hands are so small, she couldn't even type the word "YES," in front of THAT MUTHUFUCKA'S name.

# posted by

Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister : 10:25 AM

@ Massengill

God damn it!

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:25 AM

Her hands are so small she can pleasure a shy tsetse fly.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:25 AM

Her hands are so small that she can massage E-Blo's brain.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:27 AM

Her hands are so small that she molds titatium processors for Dell.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:29 AM

Her hands are so small that she sifts water and dirt through her fingers to find gold.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:31 AM

Her hands are so small she can make cupcakes out of vaginal yeast.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:33 AM

I'll have a turn:

Her hands are so small that she has trouble finding gloves that fit her, unless she looks in the children's section.

# posted by

jeff g. : 10:40 AM

No matter what it is she is wearing, it smells like poo.

And Guido, flashing the douchebag shocker sign, is being coaxed by the tartan-wearing tart to alter his technique.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:45 AM

Dr. Gayle - Treefrog Proctologist.

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 10:51 AM

Sounds like a Jewel song. Jewel's tits are big. Where was I?

She is hot, she can't seem to make eye contact with the camera or the douche. She also seems to be in the throes of nicotine withdrawl. All reasons why I think she is making some really bad decisions.

Her hands are amall I know. They are hers and not my own. Only boobies matter. Or something like that.

French for Shower.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:03 AM

Her hands are so tiny that her fingers are also proportionately smaller than normal-sized hands.

# posted by

Justin C. : 11:18 AM

Her hands are so small only dogs can hear her clap.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:21 AM

Her hands are so small she knits with them.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:22 AM

She eats Chinese food with her arms

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:22 AM

Her hands are so tiny she has to put on a baseball mitt to eat Cheerios.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:22 AM

Her hands are small because she's fuccen 11 years old.

Call C.P.S. quick. Uncle Melvin's at it again.

# posted by

Wedgie : 11:23 AM

Her hands are so tiny she got stuck doing a handstand once.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:23 AM

Her hands are so tiny she can only use dimes as cash.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:24 AM

Her hands are so tiny all of her pants pockets have holes in them.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:24 AM

Her hands are so tiny Singer Sewing Machines saw her fist-pumping and patented it.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:25 AM

Her hands are so tiny her cell phone has a rotary dial.

what?

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:32 AM

Her hands are so small that everyone says she has small hands.

Yeah.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:43 AM

HAHAHAHAHA DarkSock

Her hands are so small her wedding ring is a Spaghetti-O

# posted by

Medusa Oblongata : 11:44 AM

Her hands are so small she paints her nails with these.

# posted by

Medusa Oblongata : 11:46 AM

Looks more like a meth dealer and his skanky-ass girlfriend than a hot chick and a douchebag...

# posted by

Brian : 11:49 AM

Her hands are small that dentists employ her as a an oral hygenist rather than pay for any of the tools.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:51 AM

Her hands are so small that she uses her hang nails to inject black tar heroin.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:52 AM

Her hands are so small she could pet Schrödinger's Cat without collapsing the quantum supposition...

# posted by

Brian : 11:53 AM

Her hands are so small her bicycle handlebar is a coat hanger.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:54 AM

Her hands are so tiny only dogs can hear her clap.

# posted by

Unknown : 11:55 AM

Her hands are so small she has to wait for a snowball to melt before she can throw it.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:55 AM

Her hands are so small her doctor said, "fuck it, go ahead and stick them in your ear."

# posted by

Scrötinger’s Cat : 11:57 AM

Her hands are so small she slapped her boyfriend and left a stab wound

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:57 AM

@Bob,

See Darksock at 11:21am.

# posted by

Ghost of Massengill : 11:58 AM

She can only strangle hair follicles

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:58 AM

Her hands are so tiny it's too dangerous for her to pet chimpanzees.

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:06 PM

Her hands are so small she finger paints grains of rice.

# posted by

Jacques Doucheteau : 12:06 PM

Her hands are so small they are geosdesically incomplete.

# posted by

Jacques Doucheteau : 12:13 PM

Her hands are so tiny it's like being jacked off with garrote wire.

# posted by

Jacques Doucheteau : 12:15 PM

Her hands are so small, she glued on those fake eyelashes one-lash-at-a-time.

# posted by

Bagnonymous : 12:15 PM

Her hands are so small she can excavate clogged pores and blackheads.

# posted by

Jacques Doucheteau : 12:16 PM

Her hands are so small that she's rented out by eye doctors to perform laser corrective surgery without the laser.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:19 PM

Her hands are so small she can gator wrestle a tapeworm.

# posted by

scrotecles : 12:19 PM

Her hands are so small she can shuck an oyster without opening the shell.

# posted by

scrotecles : 12:21 PM

Her hands are so small she eats couscous like popcorn.

# posted by

scrotecles : 12:25 PM

Her hands are so small, when she goes to the beach she skips grains of sand across the water.

# posted by

Bagnonymous : 12:30 PM

She buys nail polish by the drop.

# posted by

Bagnonymous : 12:31 PM

Her hands are so small she could fondle Stackhouse's steroid afflicted ballsack.

# posted by

scrotecles : 12:40 PM

Mini-Gayle is out of her school girl uniform and needs a paddling.

# posted by

Dude McCrudeshoes : 12:43 PM

Her hands are so small she must have a really tiny dick.

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 12:51 PM

Her hands are so small that when she was a little kid in school and stuff, the other kids, they would like tease her for her small hands and say "Tiny Hands! Tiny Hands! Your boogers are like rubber bands!" and she would cry and be all sad. The End.

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 12:55 PM

According to her Interpol file, she is known in the Underground as "Le Tweezer."

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 12:58 PM

Her hands are so small she can't type...

# posted by

Crucial Head : 1:01 PM

100!!

# posted by

YES, THAT MUTHUFUCKA!! : 1:01 PM

"Yeah, she's hot and all but I had to break up with her. She eats like a cleaner shrimp. It's fuccen creepy."

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 1:01 PM

@BVG ^All of 'em

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:04 PM

Her hands are so small she can out chop the SlapChop.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:08 PM

he does look like guido the pimp. nice risky business reference

# posted by

memphis doucheworkers local 421 : 1:09 PM

@ Mr. White

Stoopid fuccen work... I did enjoy the quark bit but I'll try one further

Her hands are so small that she can tie together two string to make a quantum loop.

Too geeky? Yeah, I know. (slinks away to get more coffee)

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:11 PM

Her hands are so small that she can make nanoparticles all by herself rendering STMs obsolete.

Damn, still too geeky.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:12 PM

Her hands are so small she struggles to milk hamsters.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:12 PM

Her hands are so small that you can never tell when she's flipping you the bird.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:14 PM

Her hands are so small that you can always win a game of rock/paper/scissors by choosing paper.

WTF? Even I don't get that one.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:17 PM

With Respect to DarkSock @11:32, her hands are so small this is her only cell phone option.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:28 PM

Medusa 11:46

Where did you get the life-sized Alex Mijares statue?

# posted by

Wedgie : 1:41 PM

hey weren't we just talking about mocking people with mental handicaps? what about people with physical handicaps?

you know that a woman's love life is doomed if she cannot give a proper handjob. and that is no laughing matter.

actually it is.

# posted by

Steve L. : 1:58 PM

Her hands are so small only dogs can hear her fisting amoebae.

# posted by

jeff g. : 2:01 PM

Her hands are so small only amobae can here her clap.

# posted by

jeff g. : 2:07 PM

Her hands are so small the only dogs she can fist are chihuahuas.

# posted by

jeff g. : 2:08 PM

Her hands are so small, they make her look like a big fat pussy, not the hott.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 2:08 PM

Her hands are so small I only have one thing to say: notta and fuccen hotta.

THANKS!

# posted by

jeff g. : 2:18 PM

Her hands are so small that when she does the "hand bra", well, it's pretty damn sick looking what with the suddenly inverted bloody nipples and all that.

# posted by

Anonymous : 2:24 PM

Her hands are so small she needs both hands and a doorknob to floss.

# posted by

DarkSock : 3:40 PM

Her hands are so small you could handcuff her with bat nostrils.

# posted by

DarkSock : 3:41 PM

Her hands are so small she has to drive with her knees.

# posted by

DarkSock : 3:42 PM

Her hands are so small they make grains of rice look like beach balls.

# posted by

Anonymous : 3:54 PM

Her hands are so small she has to wash them in a thimble.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 3:56 PM

Her hands are so miniscule she’s used the same small bottle of hand sanitizer for the last seventeen years.

# posted by

Ludacris Axehandle McCockwielder : 3:57 PM

Her hands are so tiny she made a Chinese fingerlock toy out of a dried ant’s urethra.

# posted by

Crucial Head : 3:58 PM

Your name isn't Orville Reddenbacher. I don't think. Gimme some popcorn!

# posted by

I R A Darth Aggie : 3:58 PM

Her hands are so minute she has to wipe her butt with her shoulders.

Shit.

O.M.G.

I.O.B.

B.R.B. ('BATINCOPTRZZ!!!!!1)

# posted by

Crucial Head : 3:59 PM

Her hands are so small she macrames with nose hair

# posted by

DarkSock : 8:41 PM

Her hands are so small she can text comfortably on an iPhone.

# posted by

DarkSock : 8:42 PM

Her hands are so small she has to eat rice crispies with a fork and knife

# posted by

DarkSock : 2:16 AM

Her hands are so small she has to masturbate with pencils

# posted by

DarkSock : 2:19 AM

When she signs to deaf people they tell her to stop fuccen whispering.

# posted by

DarkSock : 2:21 AM

Ok. I pissed in the bed for real. And my brother is in the next room, wondering why I'm in bed alone with the lights out, laughing like a crazed jackal.
It's 'cause I took you all to bed with me tonight. I didn't come and I'm laughing myself silly. Way to fail, letdowns.
Only BVG gets breakfast tomorrow, 'cause he made me spit-laugh. That's the closest I've been to ejaculate in 6 weeks.

That being said....

Her hands are so small she uses Dum Dum pops as a hammer.

# posted by

Medusa Oblongata : 9:39 AM

She looks like the Burger King small hands guys sister, pornstar Julia Bond.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:05 AM

ˆˆCREEPY WHITE GUY WIN!!!

# posted by

Baron Von Goolo : 10:28 AM

@ BvG - luckyyy

Her hands are so small she kills fireants by boxing with them.

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:27 AM

Her hands are so small she has to eat tater tots like a chicken

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:28 AM

Am I the only one that gets the Guido joke? Who's the Uboat commander?

# posted by

Captain Obvious : 5:38 PM

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Guido the Killer Pimp

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