I love Peardrop!
 

KEEP CALM AND MARRY TOM?
 

can't go wrong with Marisa Miller Pear either
 

KEEP CALM AND CARRY HPV?
 

**clicks on**




I Love Pear Drop Much More Deeply Than Justin Ever Could




**clicks off**
 

Oh sht! That's a great douche face.
 

Peardrop and Marisa Miller pear have me looking in the cabinets for a new roll of paper towels
 

I want the Viking Yogurt Rodeo Cowgirl Pear.
 

OH SHIT I OWN TWO OF THOSE SHIRTS (And am the only one i know with them).

http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/

Army of DOuche-ness
 

I find the muscular legs of the cowgirl very attractive. More, please!
 

I can't decide which pear I want more.
 

KEEP CALM AND BARRY WHITE?
 

It's so true...I have much to learn of the ways of the Lamp!

KEEP CALM AND HARRY PALMS?
 

Peardrop...Rodeocowgirlpear

I'll be in my BUNK!
 

Geez the Peardrop has a face like Steven Tyler. But the booty is 100% fine.
 

Hall of GND Hott for the cute wavy-haired brunette, please!

Oh, and Peardrop is exotically sensational. I'll be wrapping my sweater around my waist when I slink out of the office today...
 

KEEP CALM AND I'M CLEARLY A HOMO FOR NOT HAVING MY HANDS ON THIS GIRL?
 

I just want to fucking shoot those Jersey Shore filth! Put a pistol up against the temple and pull the FUCKING TRIGGER! They FUCKING ENRAGE ME! ME! I'm Dr. Amy Bishop, you fucking nobody!
 

KEEP CALM AND SCABBY LABIA?
 

KEEP CALM AND CHERRY PALM

duh.
 

Jamie Gillis was like the Anthony Bourdain of pussy.

Goodnight, you strange bastard you.
 

Peardrop - Hall of Pear. First ballot. Jebus.

And Axe pollutes?

No shit.

Next they'll say that tanning beds give you skin cancer.

O wait, they already did.

Well, then next they'll saw that steroids shrink your testes and destroy your liver.

Also already known?

Well then what about the fact that having unprotect sex with multiple partners leads to a greater risk of contracting HIV...




I think we see where this is going:

Douching is hazardous to your health!
 

Anjou or Bosc?

Both I guess.
 

Great no douchebag sign.

Great Axe lawsuit.

Nice bike, shame about the douche.

Jamie Gillis peed in Ginger Lynn's butt.
 

Cuz this guy deserves it, and she doesn't.

Instidouchenalized

By Spermicidal Tendencies [Here's the tune]

One of my all time favorite songs. A tad too long for one post so I broke it into two parts with the final verse and close following in part II. If you don't like part I, don't waste your time with part two. Ya been advised!

Sometimes I try to score pussy and I just can’t get it up the way I want to.
I get real pumped and I gel my hair and I pucker my lips and it doesn’t work out the way I want it to.
It’s like I crunch my abs real hard and it doesn’t work out.
Every gesture I throw and every “Yo” I say never turns out.
It’s like I need time to trip these bitches up.
But there’s always some dumbass there going
Hey Sal: You know we’ve been noticing you’ve been getting a lot of tattoos lately.
You know, maybe you should get a job and maybe you should treat women a lot better,
Maybe you’ll get some self respect.
And I’m like: Oh nah it’s okay you know I’ll fist pump it out,
Just leave me alone and I’ll fist pump it out.
And they go: Well you know if you want to have a future then stop douching you know and you'll probably suck a lot less if you got your shit together. So why don't you get your shit together?
And I go: No I don't want to kiss ass, I'll fist pump it out myself.
But they just keep mocking me and they just keep mocking me, and it builds up inside.

So you're gonna be instidouchenalized
They’ll make you something you despise
Bitch at me to get a job
Work 9 to 5 like a f*ckin’ nob.

I’m not Hattin’ - Instidouchenalized!
Yer the one what’s Hattin’ - Instidouchenalized!
Yer lazy fat ‘n ugly - Instidouchenalized!
You know you watch me as I’m douchin’
What’d you say ‘bout a Final S’lution?
My hard ass muthaf*ckas gonna make you squeal
Roll up with axe handles and kick yer ass, f’real

I was in my room and I was just like rubbin’ one out thinking about pussy.
But then again I was thinking about boobies
And then my mom came in and I didn't even care she was there.
She called my name and I ignored her and then she started bitching: SAL! SAL!
And I go: F*ck, ma, what the f*ck!?!?
She goes: Is that my Jelly Dong!?
I go: No ma, now make me some spumoni.
She's all: Don't tell me that, you're a queer!
I go: No ma I'm not a queer, I'm a guido, I was just jerkin’ off you know, so why don't you get me some tissue.
She goes: NO you're a queer!
I go: Ma I'm okay, I'm just a guido.
She goes: No you're not a guido, you're a cock-sucker! My baby boy wouldn’t f*ck is own ass like that!
I go: Ma just get me some tissue, please
All I want is some tissue, and she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was some tissue, and a blow job, and she wouldn't give it to me.
Just some tissue.
And a blow job.

Pop Ed Hardy Collar and tilt the hat
Pants down low, you know I’m all that
Gots to have scanky sex like crazy
F*ck tomorrow it’s too hazy

I'm not hattin’ - Instidouchenalized
Yer the one what’s hattin’ - Instidouchenalized
How come you guys don’t like me- Instidouchenalized
Ya can’t tear down my self belief
My lifestyle’s built ‘round the douche motif
Yank yer wiener while I f*ck this Hott
What do I think ‘bout my future? – jack squat

continued>>
 

Viewing Peardrop cured by backaches today. Or I think it did. Right now, the only sensation is my iron-like erection pushing at my jeans.
 

My word; that really is some derrière on Ms. Cowgirl McArsepear.

I have a bonk-on.

Saddle up missy.
 

Instidouchenalized

Part II

I was trimmin’ my chin pubes when my ma an’ her husband Tony come in and they pulled up a milk crate and sat down.
They go: Sal, we need to talk to you.
And I go: Okay whatever, so, what?
They go: Me ‘n Tony has been noticing lately that you're a tatted up greasy turd,
And you've been blowing all our money for no reason and we're afraid you're going to be here forever,
And we're afraid we’re never gonna get our basement back.
So we decided that it would be in you're best interest if you got the f*ck out of this house.
And I go: Wait, what the f*ck ma, WE decided!?
MY best interests?! How does Tony the Midnight Anal-Rapist know what MY best interest is?
How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say, I'M a hatter?
When I went to YER bars, I went to YER strip clubs,
I went to YER instidouchenal tanning facilities?! So how can you say I'M a hatter?

They kicked my ass out to the curb
No place for me in this f*ckin’ ‘burb
But I don’t need their shit no more
Catch my abs on “Jersey Shore”

I'm not hattin’ - Instidouchenalized
Yer the one what’s hattin’ - Instidouchenalized
F*ck yerself ya hatters - Instidouchenalized
Ya bitch about me on this website,
Hattful comments all day ‘n night,
But underneath yer pathetic whine,
You wish you lived a lifestyle – like mine.

Doesn't matter, I'll probably get my nuts handed to me on “Is She Really Going Out with Him?” anyways.
 

Great googly moogly. Peardrop makes myo mind;la do;;mlmn badn;kljk things;aj'ja......
 

I wasn't going to bother logging in today because I'm so sswamped at work, but Scrotatohead made me do it.

Gaddammit man, that was awesome!
 

Peardrop would get the BIG box of Nerds, feel me?
 

Touché Scrotato.

Touché.
 

"Roll up with axe handles and kick yer ass, f'real."

CLASSIC.
 

KEEP CALM AND CABBY JOB.
 

KEEP CALM AND CRAPPY MOM.
 

Is that what they call reverse cowgirl?
 

Great work Mr. Scrotato.
 

Damn.

Pear Drop is right up there with Pocahantas Pear.

Excuse me for a minute, please...
 

Peardrop keeps bouncing on my cockk
She keeps bouncing
And I..........>SPLORRRTTTTTTTDRTRTTTIOYTFTIRYTR!<



I need a nap.
 

Rodeocowgirlpear needs to save a horse and ride Wheezer. Giddyup, sexy!
 

I make that face sometimes when taking a particularly large, nasty dump.
 

I can see myself in Peardrop's ass.




You thought I meant my reflection, right?



Naaaah! We both knew what I meant!
 

Boss, ya dun good with today's FT&L - not only was the dual ass pear truly boner-inducing (Can you imagine them dueling in a pudding pit?), but the new dress code sign was sensational.

Maybe that sign can serve as a backdrop for the revamped page, or perhaps as a header, huh?
 

Her face is so shiny. Here, let me wipe my siemen off your forehead.

Splooorppppupupup....plip!

Damn, this could take a while.
 

Front:
KEEP CALM AND CARRY ONE
Back:
JERSEY SHORE JELLY DONG CO.
 

I peed in a Porsche once.
 

Good God man. Peardrop just blew a hole through my pants.


You owe me some pants.
 

I don't know why, but looking at cowgirl pear reminded me of a song by Scott Goddard called "Cowpunk".

Remember it, Vin?

"All those nights in Sylmar, who could ask for anything more?"
 

LIP BALM IS VERY WRONG
 

Actually it's quite soothing, especially carmex.
 

Cat crap lip balm is the best.
 

Het that sign refusing to let the jersey shore type in is for the republic in new orleans! one of my favorite bars. cheers
 

I don't know why, but I have a hunch baghunters and baghuntresses will be sporting a new avatar soon.....



You're welcome. : )
 

peardrop could quite possibly have the greatest ass ever recorded
 

@ Scrotato: Epic as always, my man. I haven't made tasty baked goods this week, but have some orzo with spinach.

RE the Weekly Standard article:
Oh, please tell me, ladies, we aren't that dumb. Girl goes to bar, girl meets Tucker Max, girl fucks Tucker Max, then cries to feminist blog that Max was "insensitive to her needs?"

*Ahem*

Auntie Medusa's gonna lay it out here for ya, sweet cheeks. The guy makes a living writing books and blogging about fucking scores of women. You fucked him within hours of meeting him. And here you are, in tears 'cause there was no breakfast in bed, red roses and no wedding ring on your finger. Did you not connect the dots? Or have you fallen so perilously under the spell of your own mythos, as all of us gals do, that you'll be The One To Change Him?

Bad news, sugar...if he's looking for It and you have It, you have a match. That "It" can mean anything. Let's use "Wife Criteria". Do you have It? Maybe. Is he looking for It? No. Now....let's make "It" stand for "pussy". Do you have It? Yes. Is he looking for It? Yes. And there is the beginning and the end of the relationship.

A salient point of the article that I loved was the bit about women learning to make apple pies to please their husbands. Excellent. 'Cause at some point you're gonna be too old to fuck and so is he, and if you can make him a nice pie he'll be really happy. However, if you were too busy fucking, you're never gonna find the time to learn to make that pie. As awesome as my Reverse Kung-Fu Cocck-Crusher Hammer Strike(tm) is, I know it can't be the only weapon in the arsenal. I follow it with a bubbly slice of homemade apple pie.

Best advice I can give you is this, young lady.....they never remember the ones they got. But they always remember the ones they couldn't. They always wonder why you turned them down, why you said no, what made you do fuckin' special that you didn't do what all the other ones did, which was tear their panties off as soon as he said, "Yo". I still get emails from dudes I shot down three years ago. They're still wondering why I said no. I'm not all that, and it kills them as to why I wasn't bowled over. Truth is, I was, I just decided they needed to suffer a lot more than I needed to get laid.

So, honey, keep your little panties on and stop signing up for "Pavement fucking" or whatever you called it. You do indeed reap what you sow, and in your case you're sowing a runny gash that reeks of failure.


I loved Critters and I still do.


Peardrop? Not so much, that's a little Ass-tronomical for my tastes. But I'd wear Rodeocowgirlpear like a set of brass knuckles.
 

some ass...huge ass...ginormous ass
...epic ass....more ass than AssNotWhatYouCanDoForYourAssCountry.
Haul, er, Hall of Ass.
 

@medusa

Excellent rant. Although I can sum up the whole Weekly Standard article in one sentence:

The girl in question goes to Penn State.

Case closed.
 

@ Bagnonymous

RE: Francine v Shiyen

Prepare for another epic anthem my friend. We are days away from my love ode to Francine.

Alas, Shiyen will not get my love whilst I am still trysting with the lovely Ms F.
 

@Medusa: Funny. As I was reading that Weekly Standard article, I was thinking I hope MO reads this and responds in the comments.

I only caught it from p.6 on, but it seemed a little pessimistic. I found myself praying that this was someone reading a semi-malformed agenda into current events+lit.

Funny how it makes the women all seem as bad or worse than the Fuck-n-Chuck sector of the pickup community.
 

Db1 sure left a LOT of room for contributors on the left side of the front page. What's up with that?
 

I've noticed the homepage has been a bit unstable lately. Comment totals for the most recent entry are all over the place too. Sometimes it says 5, then 15, sometimes the right number. Sometimes there's photos of really hot chicks with absolute douchebags.

Wait. Forget that part. I think it's just my pc acting up.
 

Boss,
Have you confirmed for HCwDBv2 whether or not we'll need to set up new IDs/accounts? If we are you've got to let us know in advance. Can't say as I speak for everyone but I kinda like who I am and would hate for someone to jump my moniker.
 

Actually, Mr. Scrotato Head, I look to begin anew with the new version of the site.

I was thinking "Lieutenant Queef."

or maybe, "Admiral Monkey Titts."

or even "Major Mung Tickler."


Who knows, the possiblities are endless.






Who am I kidding, I'll go with the same ol' handle like the sheep that I am. I suck.
 

^ The world is spiraling to its end. The home page is erratic. An earthquake hits Japan. Soon enough everybody in the world will be taken up into heaven, except for those who follow HCwDB. We will then be left to struggle with driving around the resulting traffic jams.

Personally, I'm looking forward to it.
 

Peardrop is now branded into my memory and I will not be able to forget that... that... yep, that ass
 

DB1,

PLEASE give us the name and location of the licensed establishment with the "No Jersey Douchewear" sign. They deserve some free publicity for such a bold statement.

I'd also be curious as to how many dipshits have threatened "leagl" action against them for "hattin, yo."
 

@ Wheezer 5:37 PM.

Sorry. I posted before going back through and clicking on the link.

One more reason to want to visit Nawlins.
 

I think the weekly standard article is spot on. Oddly enough, I came across it just before I read the Friday Thoughts section, so I posted a link to it in the previous Shiyen URC thread.

Evolutionary Psychology, while speculative, makes a lot more sense than Freudian horse shit. Sigh.
 

The sheer beauty of Peardrop makes up for the oddly unappealing rodeocowgirlpear.
 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7TBYybHSGnA/S4g4CMNfCwI/AAAAAAAAIek/K1EfAYmNVPU/s1600-h/DSC_1877.JPG
 

Keep calm and carry balm. For his chapped punchface. I'm glad Kaitlyn got to take a break from working on her art history paper though.
 

I pooped on the beach and buried it like a feral cat.
 

Samurai Scrote loves Satchel.
 

"Babe 2: Pig in the City" was criminally overlooked; huzzah to the Boss for that nod. Hard to believe it's writer/director George Miller also did the "Mad Max" movies. The same goes for Jon Favreau's pre-"Iron Man" gem, "Zathura", which was an awesome sequel to the shitty "Jumanji" that, unlike that Robin Williams scatfest, was mostly miniatures and old school special effects instead of digital.

And of course "Thumb Wars". Google it; watch the trialer. Same for "Bat-Thumb" and my favorite of that series, "The Blair Thumb Project".
 

"trailer", I mean.


Rectal sump.
 

Samurai Scrote's nipples are named "Franco BoyChurch" and "Thurston DongSchnäpps" respectively; they can spin at 3,400 rpm and were indirectly responsible for the collapse of Rhodesia in the latter part of last century as well as the TV series "Cop Rock". They speak in a voice not unlike that of the Cylons in Battlestar Galactica (circa 1978) but only to each oher, and only in adverbs, or the exclamation "HUT! HUT HUT HUT!".

Medical Fact.
 

I want my new screen name to be Dripping Banana. Maybe.
 

Porch Meat is now available in MRE form. It is best served with freezed dried ice cream.
 

If I do have to change my moniker, I hereby lay claim to Dame Thundercunt.


That is all.
 

@ Mr. White 7:31

...So, she probably couldn't read it anyway. Ah, well. I had fun writing it anyway.
 

I'll change to Bronson MeatDagger.
 

I'm going for a shorter handle, like Amish WomanPlant
 

I am supposed to go to Hawaii on Tuesday. Fuck you tsunami. Stay away from Waikiki.
 

Dibs on Fish Tits!
 

Some kind of silly but awesome. Simply Brilliant.
 

I call Pathetic looser or mad hatter.
 

A Stackhouse poem would be a nice addition to a Saturday.
 

Troy, great video.
 

See what happens when someone trys to pee in me?
 

DB1, that is by far the best 1 2 pear errr pair combo ever, I got an instance heat flash.
 

@Elastic Snaphole,

The I get dibs on Bullet Teeth LaVolta.

It's slightly shorter than my current handle
 

@ Troy 11:14

BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! "Check out my contacts--Italian Flags!"

Mr. B.'s ancestors collectively jumped from their graves and punched themselves in their own rotten spleens.
 

Keep Clam And Carry Oyster?
 

Peardrop. Achieving. Maintaining. Could get messy.
 

@ Troy

Great video compadre.

It made me really want to punch Snooki too, looked like a helluva lot of fun. Does that make me a bad person?

I think not, more like a knight of decency.
 

i think peardrop is vida guerra. i just cant believe that that ass is organic.
 

Someone with a mouth like an unrolled TROJAN ENZ is decidedly punchable, but then KEEP CALM and CARRY A CONDOM fits the face.
 

Dibs on RECTAL SLEDGE!!!
 

I'm changing my handle to Muskhuffer Von Gargle Taint.

Because longer is better.
 

100!!

I DON'T NEEEEED TO CHANGE MY NAME FOO!!

I JUST RUUULE!!!!!11!!1!111!
 

this had been a very inspiring Friday.

because i just took the 101st post MUTHAFUCKAS!!1!!!11!!!!1
 

I Must learn the identity of "Peardrop"! Fascinating!