Oh god. I live in Baton Rouge and this is frighteningly accurate.
 

Every damn douche flashes bling around the world/And ends up smearing Axe on the sofa and the girl/"Get" 'n' "Some" tattooed across the knuckles of his hands/Saying things like "Broheim!" 'cause he don't understand

Death or Glory! It's just another story.
 

There aren't any hotels that nice in Baton Rouge.
 

Wait a minute, is this "White Trash with Illegal Trash," or "Hot Chicks With Douchebags?"
 

Which begs the question, does the douchebag vibe trump the white trash vibe?
 

So that's where I've been lately. I lost track of myself after I moved out of the dorms.
 

Whatever you might think about the people in this photograph, you have to admit that that is a sensational window treatment.
S
 

bahaha. I had one of these guys in my dorm freshman year...we called him creepy steve. and this is accurate, though his hotts were less hott
 

Mazola's hot pants on the right make me feel creepy. Yum yummy!
 

Worst. Mustache. Ever.

Yeah, I said it Carl... do somethin'.
 

Death For Gloryholes; Never Look Back?
 

Jesus Christ! Her pants are tighter than Stackhouse's vagina...
 

Anybody else thought this was Kettlehead for half a second?
 

Wow. As usual, there is only ONE PLACE this horror will find resolution:

Breakfast at Denny's.
 

I'll take "Albanian Women Wearing Leather Pants" for two-hundred, Alex.
 

@ Pubous Maximous

What because of a pair of shades? Kettlehead wears button downs and reveals all the way to his sternum at least.
 

Mazola! Cornhole goodness.
 

@ massengill

yeah you are right.. must be his little bro from down the hall then.
 

I'll take one death to go please
 

@ Dermont McDildo Dong XVII

There's 3/4 of the American hockey-watching public.
 

Her pants are tighter than the score of that hockey game...
 

what a douche
 

Mazola dipped herself in a vat of molten latex. Quite literally the only pair of pants you will ever need, because the procedure is permanent.
 

Crucial?!?

So THAT'S where he's been.

I knew that sumbitch was lying when he claimed to have architectural work.

It's hard up in this recession being an architect. There's that old chestnut that architects, as the vangaurd of the construction process, are the first in, and thusly the first out, of recessions. On that basis let me tell you that you're all more fucked than a turkey thawing in Stackhouse's hair-encrusted bathtub.

Deep South firms are hurting the least because let's face it we've been in a recession since the Civil War; kinda like bombing Afghanistan. But some firms in New England are laying off 60% or more.

So if Croosh actually has work goodonya bro.

And O thankee greed-addled middle aged bankers, for shitting in the punchbowl; O thankee.
 

This is the night of Carl's bachelor party, and those are the best looking strippers on Baton Rouge. Tomorrow, Carl marries his first cousin in a tasteful ceremony at the bowling alley, taxidermy themed reception to follow at Sizzler.
 

@ Spiny 7:06

A "Mazola Corn Goooood-Nesss" riff? So you're over 40, eh?
 

There's only two things you can do with a gal who wears pants like that , pay her the twenty bucks you owe her or marry her on the court house lawn.
 

At least the hockey game is on - wait, that figure skating...nevermind
 

@ DarkSock

Wayyyyyy over.

We call it maize.
 

@ Little Beaver

Call me old-fashioned, but why not stare, pant, and soil yourself?
 

@ DarkSock -- when you were stranded in DC, I was going to recommend a Chinese restaurant I knew near your hotel. But I was last there 30 years ago.
 

I HAAVE A PAIR OF LLEATHERE PANTS LIKE THAT! ANED I LOOK FUCDCEN HOTT IN THEM! YOUC AN SEE EVERY FUCCEN RIDGEWT ON MY COCCKK!
 

Looks to me like someone from the 'burbs of Detroit just turned 19 and decided to take advantage of Canada's less restrictive drinking laws. Furtunately, he picked up a couple of nice Toronto girls! On the first night, too!

Unfortunately for him, in five hours he's going to wake up in a bathtub full of ice minus one kidney.

Kidney Black Market, 1

Clueless Tourist, -1
 

To quote the immortal Beastie Boys, "Her pants are tight and that's okay!"
 

Yeah, we had Pete in our dorm. Pete Paratestes. Or was it Pete Gozinya? I can't remember much from that year, 'cause of that fuccen Punahou guy with the killer buds.
 

But I believe in this and it's been tested by research, he who fucks sluts, will later get the clap. Bum bum, death or glory, it's just another story. Damn you Ed Hardy for ruining one of my favorite songs of all time.

And I knew a hooker once named Minnie Mazola.
 

Love those drapes.

The two dudes on the left can take a flyin' fuck, but the lithe trollop on the right looks like just the ticket. The kind of girl that can shoot, shit, fight, fuck, shovel coal and drive a truck.

And leather pants, too.
 

@'Sock,

I'm still at work. I’ve been drafting for the first time in years as we’ve laid off almost half our work force over the past year (which wasn't large to begin with). We issued a hiring freeze late last Fall, so now we're doing work for profits coated in red ink. But you’re right, at least I have something to do right now besides posting endlessly inane thoughts on this blog.

Errrr.

Speaking of douchebag's, you can't knock Creepy Scrote's shirt. Anything that says "Death or Glory Hole Doily" is alright by me.

Ain't that right 'TEETH?
 

And by 'endlessly inane thoughts,' I am in no way referring to my work at Sam Scrote's place over the last month.
 

**jealously waddles back to Revit whilst composing possible posts on the Samurai Scrote thread for next week**
 

That's no window treatment, themz neckties for each male they conquer.

All three of them. The ladies hold down the prey and he attacks right up the middle.

PS Minnie does not have litle mouse tits, and Mazola has very slippery leather pants.
 

while i would normally go along with the southern gothic menage a trois, the hockey game on the tv belies the image.

but my eyes, naturally are drawn to the pleatherized pants on the near-hott on the right. all i am saying is, if she corn starched her self down like she should have, licking her down at the end of the night will have an odd grainy texture.. if not, wiggling a drunk chick out of such a uniform can be tougher than putting together ikea furniture, and about as rewarding. either way, i suspect her lower half coming out of those pants will look like breaking the seal on a roll of pilsbury croissants.
 

Awesome vinyl paintjob on little Devotchka Nemcova notwithstanding, her gut's still bigger than her ass.

And sweet 16-year-old shitstache, Creepy Pete!
 

Death Or Glory.

Well, looks like option B didn't work out for ya. Hold still, it will all be over soon.
 

I think his shirt says "dearth of gory."

Medusa, care to lend Carl a hand with that?
 

oh good god leather on the right is my fkn 10/10.

DB1 I need addresses: one to beat that choad, and one to proselytize one or two unknowing converts...
 

This pud dips his Mexi dirt weed joints in formaldehyde cause thats how he rolls.

Also, that t-shirt looks like some retarded kid smeared babyshit all over it.

Wait.I think there's some connection here. Hmm.
 

is that a hockey game on TV?

don't tell me this is in Canada.

actually, if it's in Ontario or Quebec, then it's okay.

because that's how Canadian hatters roll.
 

Wait....
I just realized what lurks in the background..."The Drapes of Wrath".

Lämpp can't be far behind.

Medusa's right, Mr. "Death or Glory"...looks like öption Å før ÿöü.
 

The Pam Tillis looking Hott on the right is HOT! The other one might want to lay off the Burger King for a while.
 

Why is the song "Detachable Penis" playing in my head as I look at this pic?
 

"Okay, fun's over; back to cookin' down the Sudofed."
 

@ Douche Wayne

Because the drape valance is garnished with black latex dildos.
 

I know I'd catch a nasty STD, but I find the sheen on her tight black pants very compelling.

And yes, that is a wonderful window treatment. It's quite out of place given the state of the rest of the room.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

At 7:45 PM, Spiny Norman said...
"Wayyyyyy over.

We call it maize."

You know you're soaking in it?

Hey, if I found myself in a hotel room that looked like that, Baton Rouge or not, I'd be totally ok with Little Miss Pleather Pants. After all, if you're really careful, you won't have to deal with the room or the girl after check out time. But both of them would do just fine for the night or two that you are in town.
 

Be careful reminiscing about the 70's; no one wants the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter", Wrigley's gum jingles, "I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company", and worst of all, "I Wish I Was An Oscar Mayer Weiner" stuck in their head all day.

Damn you, 70's jingles!

They can only be purged with "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)", which is like curing cancer with 3rd degree grease burns.
 

To answer the question on his shirt. I choose death.

Sweet skort on the chunky Hott. They deter enterance when passed out.

French for Shower.
 

Wait, what's that smell? Ah yes, the smell of desperation. Chunky McButterfingers on the left mentioned that she wanted to meet "a cool and edgy sort of guy" while talking over beers with Wanda from the trailer park that night. Wanda told Chunky she knew exactly where to find him. So they go to the dive bar that Timmahy frequents after his shift at The Twatwaffle House where he buses tables. Wanda knows him from her nephew's cousin's bail bondsman as a "stand up kinda guy". Chunk, having no self-esteem whatsoever goes along with Wanda to check him out. Three hours and several Heineys later they all end up in Wanda's trcks room to watch hockey and eat McDonalds. Chunky becomes infected with the Grieco virus, Timmahy is now convinced he is a playah, and Wanda goes next door to take on that pathetic 45 year old guy that was in the lobby looking to get a $10 bj.
 

@ SSS 12:29 *snaps elbow-length black rubber gloves.* Ready when you are, Sarge.

And while I'm at it, I'll take those drapes, thanks. They'll look smashing in the Playpen.
 

"i suspect her lower half coming out of those pants will look like breaking the seal on a roll of pilsbury croissants."

That was worth the subscription price right there...still laughing.
 

@ Darksock

I've always thought Rupert Holmes ca. 1979 was the original douche. And the lyrics to "Escape" described pure proto-Bleethe.

@ DBHD

What's wrong with pathetic 45 year olds? I was one once. Apparently, so was Darksock.
 

"If you like penis colliders, and gettin' cockk in the brains..."
 

If you really, really, really, really want to, you can read his shirt. You're better off gettin' cockk in the brains...., and you'll save the $ 200 price tag for an ugly shirt full of cliches.