Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The Cartoonbags
Sometimes the need to transform one's body into spectacle to compete sexually in the hyperactive media age passes the point of name-brand and into the realm of the WTF "are these even humans?" ludicrousness.
This is one of those times.
I'll be in my room quietly shuddering under my childhood blankie if anyone needs me.
Comments:
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while under your blanket , contemplate for a moment that these super-cali-choadilistic-expalidouchous are going to be taking care of you and I when we get older....
(shudders)
(shudders)
# posted by 
: 3:43 PM
: 3:43 PM
*Tilts bottle back*
Gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp...
*Looks back at screen with sadness*
There just isn't enough booze in the world to forget that I ever saw this couple.
Gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp...
*Looks back at screen with sadness*
There just isn't enough booze in the world to forget that I ever saw this couple.
# posted by : 3:43 PM
: 3:43 PM
Thank god that in 40 years when all these twatwaffles are in their 60's wondering why they are living in a van by the river, I'll be dead and not have to look at them.
Yeeeccch.
Yeeeccch.
Can we have a space available on the new version of the site that only allows the parents of these douchebags and bleeths to comment.
Or explain for that matter.
I can't imagine the painfully disapointed mock that those ashamed mommies and daddies have dwelling within them.
Or explain for that matter.
I can't imagine the painfully disapointed mock that those ashamed mommies and daddies have dwelling within them.
# posted by : 3:46 PM
: 3:46 PM
Damn that dude is a hard ass. I can just picture those two sitting Indian style while plucking each others eyebrows.
I know this dude, he is definitely nottadouche. He's the guy all the DB's want to be.
# posted by : 3:50 PM
: 3:50 PM
So what happens when you don't make it in the WWE/MMA/WTF?
I'm guessin' that when he walks into Alamo/Thrifty/Hertz etc for his interview that the first thing the interviewer will say is "With all those shitty tatts all over you I know that I can trust you with any sum of money and cars because I see you have a history of making good life choices. Hell, here's a picture of my 11 year-old daughter. Could babysit for her tonight?"
I'm guessin' Ms. Chestblimps interview will consist of "Can you even remotely dance? Show me them tits. Shake your ass. Ya, you're hired. I get 50% of all the "other" things you do. Coke ain't free bitch, you start tonight."
And now I quietly weep for the future as well.
I'm guessin' that when he walks into Alamo/Thrifty/Hertz etc for his interview that the first thing the interviewer will say is "With all those shitty tatts all over you I know that I can trust you with any sum of money and cars because I see you have a history of making good life choices. Hell, here's a picture of my 11 year-old daughter. Could babysit for her tonight?"
I'm guessin' Ms. Chestblimps interview will consist of "Can you even remotely dance? Show me them tits. Shake your ass. Ya, you're hired. I get 50% of all the "other" things you do. Coke ain't free bitch, you start tonight."
And now I quietly weep for the future as well.
# posted by : 3:59 PM
: 3:59 PM
Holy shit! Does he have plastic fuccen horns on his head? How did I miss that the first time?
sobsobsosbosbososbsobsobsobsob
sobsobsosbosbososbsobsobsobsob
# posted by : 4:01 PM
: 4:01 PM
I am reasonably sure this is the guy Stackhouse refers to as a "boss dude".
Huh. PT gives him a notta.
PT, have you taken a good look at your friend lately?
Huh. PT gives him a notta.
PT, have you taken a good look at your friend lately?
I bet before all the completely unwarranted plastic surgery and eating disorders she actually was a hot chick
These guys are circus performers. I saw them on Springer. The horns are Teflon. So are the boobs. Test it out boys; nothing will stick to 'em.
# posted by : 4:45 PM
: 4:45 PM
This is what happens when people don't consider the consequences of their actions. Douchebags become old bags. Grossly over-sized big bags become impromptu swiffers. It's just sad...
Why yes, sir, I am indeed interested in your investment opportunity. Buy Tap Out, Bod Spray, and Miami Ink's stocks you say? Sir, yes sir!
Before I forget:
Somebody's daddy didn't love them. Or loved them too much......
Somebody's daddy didn't love them. Or loved them too much......
# posted by : 5:05 PM
: 5:05 PM
I would f*ck her every which way but loose, then every which way you can. Clyde can watch for an extra $5 spot.
# posted by : 5:05 PM
: 5:05 PM
It appears that the chick in the upper right can't bear to view this douche/hottie coupling either...
Is it just me, or does it look like her basketball sized bolt-ons require the use of two different "tops" to secure the whole package?
I'd pay good money, in say 40 years, to poke at him with a stick if somebody could cage him. And what the hell, I'd poke her with a stick too. I'm not proud.
S
I'd pay good money, in say 40 years, to poke at him with a stick if somebody could cage him. And what the hell, I'd poke her with a stick too. I'm not proud.
S
I'm going to have to shove a WaterPik™® nozzle into my tear-ducts, set it on high, and pray that the de-natured H2O will somehow wash this offensive image from my tortured mind. Blech.
Their motto must be: "N-n-n-no tomorrow". I guess...
Their motto must be: "N-n-n-no tomorrow". I guess...
# posted by : 5:46 PM
: 5:46 PM
It's hard to distinguish his shirt from his arm. When did Daughtry get so angry?
# posted by : 6:02 PM
: 6:02 PM
I think she's a porn pro and he seems to have done time, if indeed that is a prison tat under his left eye.
She definitely got her tats done at the same place as Mason Moore and Jayden James. Maybe they're pals.
She definitely got her tats done at the same place as Mason Moore and Jayden James. Maybe they're pals.
# posted by : 6:09 PM
: 6:09 PM
I think the truth is now undeniable, that any kind of UFC/MMA dude is a de facto douchebag. So cliche, like the Dead Head in the ripped jeans, dirty t-shirt and bandanna/mandanna, the preppy with the popped collar and sweater tied around the neck, etc.
Yea, yea, he could pull my spleen out of my body and show it to me before I go into shock and die, but at least when I go into shock and die I won't be a douchebag.
Oh, and without the cartoonbags the bleeth wouldn't get a second look.
Yea, yea, he could pull my spleen out of my body and show it to me before I go into shock and die, but at least when I go into shock and die I won't be a douchebag.
Oh, and without the cartoonbags the bleeth wouldn't get a second look.
# posted by : 6:12 PM
: 6:12 PM
Her tits are bigger than her head. Odd. I'd still fuck her.
Too bad Meatbag is about to punch her head clean off.
Too bad Meatbag is about to punch her head clean off.
10 bucks says after he shoots up with HGH later that night, the end result will be a domestic dispute call to the Poo-lice and a face that looks like Rihanna after being locked in a room with a rabid Chris Brown.
Ooooh! Tough break on the debunked global warming theory, DumBass1.
"...Denying science? Idiot. You need to quit reading the Huffington Post. Garbage. I should make you suck my cock.
"...Denying science? Idiot. You need to quit reading the Huffington Post. Garbage. I should make you suck my cock.
# posted by : 6:45 PM
: 6:45 PM
^Oh, so that's what that little thing is. I thought it was a butt plug for an HO scale racecar driver.
L.A., right? I'll be seeing you.
What a waste of a mind...lost to the mental disorder known as liberalism. Now that I think about it, Troy may already be blowing the d.
What a waste of a mind...lost to the mental disorder known as liberalism. Now that I think about it, Troy may already be blowing the d.
# posted by : 6:55 PM
: 6:55 PM
Wow. Purple and gold. Have you ever met Kobe Bryant in Colorado?
Hey dude! You got a little something on your chin. No, right there man.
Hey dude! You got a little something on your chin. No, right there man.
# posted by : 7:05 PM
: 7:05 PM
Giant purple and gold peeps, full-color shoulder tatts, teensy devil horns and matching Mardi Gras beads on a Sophia Loren wasp-waist lookalike....now there's a celebrity lookalike perversion for our time.
Yeah, blowing the dames.
Are you trying to play ironically dumb? That's dope. Totally. You hip fuck.
Are you trying to play ironically dumb? That's dope. Totally. You hip fuck.
# posted by : 7:14 PM
: 7:14 PM
I might add that a Rosetta stone shirt with continuity neck and arm tatts is always a sure sign of a douchetwat, but this has a nice Mayan hieroglyphic skullery ring to it, which cannot be deciphered; nor can the unusually squatty "short arms" be explained either.
Must be a military reject named Peter.
Must be a military reject named Peter.
He is the epitome of "GET SOME."
See how he's fist pumping the shit out of his imaginary cockk? Dat's how ya roll, homeboyyyzzzzz!
See how he's fist pumping the shit out of his imaginary cockk? Dat's how ya roll, homeboyyyzzzzz!
Dude is totally about to sock this broad in the face. That fist is clenched with mysogenist rage.
Can we get a picture taken ten seconds after this one? I can't wait to see the aftermath.
Can we get a picture taken ten seconds after this one? I can't wait to see the aftermath.
# posted by : 7:28 PM
: 7:28 PM
@SSS (7:28pm) That was my first thought to. He's about to drive her one right in the face. I wonder: did she not remember to tell him he's huge and dangerous when he walked into the room?
I bet her boobs were really nice before she got the ridiculously oversized implants.
I bet her boobs were really nice before she got the ridiculously oversized implants.
Time for the anons to get another time out. Still can't seem to grasp the concept of having a little fun without pissing in the other children's Wheaties.
So much anger in conjunction with an equal dose of ignorance makes for a disturbed mind.
The cure for your problems is education.
Get some. And get over yourself. Laugh a little
Trust me, we are.
So much anger in conjunction with an equal dose of ignorance makes for a disturbed mind.
The cure for your problems is education.
Get some. And get over yourself. Laugh a little
Trust me, we are.
@Baron:
you said: Her plastic surgeon is Gerry Anderson.
Hey - I resemble that remark!!!
you said: Her plastic surgeon is Gerry Anderson.
Hey - I resemble that remark!!!
# posted by : 8:40 PM
: 8:40 PM
I've read the thread start to finish and I can't figure out what got Idiota all fired up. Not that I care or anything, but usually I can usually you can tell. I mean, is DumbBass1 supposed to be the boss? And is "Troy may already be blowing the D", is that our beloved wooden puppet? I even read through the earlier posts and I can't find anything, especially a reference to global warming.
I've only been home a couple hours after flying back from New York. I'm too confused and tired to even be remotely upset or anything.
Peace, Idiota. And by peace I mean this.
I've only been home a couple hours after flying back from New York. I'm too confused and tired to even be remotely upset or anything.
Peace, Idiota. And by peace I mean this.
# posted by : 10:03 PM
: 10:03 PM
@ Troy
That comment was for you. Just like I think Croosh @ 5:57 was for me.
It's all about the love. Or in this case, the reacharound.
That comment was for you. Just like I think Croosh @ 5:57 was for me.
It's all about the love. Or in this case, the reacharound.
Do I need one of those little orphan Annie decoder rings to figure out what is going on in this thread? I'm really lost. And apparently idiota is pissed about something or someone.
And this couple is all sorts of idiotic douchery. When the window on their "coolness" closes, you don't want to be anywhere near these two when the meltdown occurs. I envision something with a car ramming a building and some automatic weapon fire. Or the classic murder-suicide. Either way, the end will not be pretty. And the present is pretty fucking pathetic.
And this couple is all sorts of idiotic douchery. When the window on their "coolness" closes, you don't want to be anywhere near these two when the meltdown occurs. I envision something with a car ramming a building and some automatic weapon fire. Or the classic murder-suicide. Either way, the end will not be pretty. And the present is pretty fucking pathetic.
@ Vin Douchal 7:55 PM
Too obscure? Hardly. Either of the Montgolfier Brothers would have caught your reference... but not anybody else.
Too obscure? Hardly. Either of the Montgolfier Brothers would have caught your reference... but not anybody else.
# posted by : 12:00 AM
: 12:00 AM
@ SSS 3:43
I'll drink to that. *Tilts bottle back* Gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp...
*Looks back at screen with sadness*
There just isn't enough Antifreeze in the world to forget that I ever saw this couple.
@ Massengill 5:37
I don't know what that place is, but I already love it.
This pic made my clit-penis kill a Girl Scout. Then I ate all her cookies. Then I puked them up when I saw this pic again.
I'll drink to that. *Tilts bottle back* Gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp...
*Looks back at screen with sadness*
There just isn't enough Antifreeze in the world to forget that I ever saw this couple.
@ Massengill 5:37
I don't know what that place is, but I already love it.
This pic made my clit-penis kill a Girl Scout. Then I ate all her cookies. Then I puked them up when I saw this pic again.
by the by, so when is GustavoMorais gonna officially introduce himself (or be officially introduced by DB1, whichever) on HCwDB?
just wondering.
just wondering.
I too have read through the entire thread and am lost. Then again, I am a complete moron.
She's just my type - damaged beyond repair with a huge rack.
Johnny chin-dribble and I have a common bond. I manage the design, engineering and launch of cars. He steals them.
Karma?
She's just my type - damaged beyond repair with a huge rack.
Johnny chin-dribble and I have a common bond. I manage the design, engineering and launch of cars. He steals them.
Karma?
# posted by : 6:23 AM
: 6:23 AM
OK. The douchette has tits and a pretty smile. Two things that could land her a old geezer with $$$$. Yet, she hangs out with the degenerative tribe of our race. YES, I AM THAT OLD GEEZER WITH $$$$!
Eyes:Boobs::Moth:Bug Zapper
Carlos Hathcock would thread a bullet through that tear tat.
This pic is stellar...the quintessence of the site.
Carlos Hathcock would thread a bullet through that tear tat.
This pic is stellar...the quintessence of the site.
I think, judging by the complete incoherence of the thread, everyone is pretty well flabbergasted by this photo.
Weekly Bound. If Cartoonbag has another picture of himself with Barbara McBoobie here looking equally retarded, we might actually have a contender for the Annual. This picture ALONE is a testament to... well... I dunno.
Something! That's it - it's a testament to SOMETHING - something really douchie. Something fuck I dunno. I have such a hangover right now...
Weekly Bound. If Cartoonbag has another picture of himself with Barbara McBoobie here looking equally retarded, we might actually have a contender for the Annual. This picture ALONE is a testament to... well... I dunno.
Something! That's it - it's a testament to SOMETHING - something really douchie. Something fuck I dunno. I have such a hangover right now...
# posted by : 6:40 AM
: 6:40 AM
There's a lot of anger in this thread - and while he makes little to no sense, I like Idiota's style.
Her plastic surgeons were Hanna Barbera.
Her plastic surgeons were Hanna Barbera.
I partially agree with Mr. Tempest. Either this thread is way off base or I'm too stupid to follow it.
Either way, I'm not sure Douchie McMeanMug and Clowny von Boobness here are worthy of the weekly. Actually, can we just skip the vote and hand that award to the Petri Dish?
Either way, I'm not sure Douchie McMeanMug and Clowny von Boobness here are worthy of the weekly. Actually, can we just skip the vote and hand that award to the Petri Dish?
She's like a bacon double cheeseburger with a side order of onion rings. Terrible for you, and you'll regret it afterward... but it's wonderful when while it's going down.
# posted by : 6:58 AM
: 6:58 AM
massengill @ 5:37
Is it possible that "Jersey Shore" could flush a fair amount of douche through backlash?!?
....It's like RAY-ee-ain...on your wedding day....
Is it possible that "Jersey Shore" could flush a fair amount of douche through backlash?!?
....It's like RAY-ee-ain...on your wedding day....
yeah... This isn't making much sense.
I keep wondering what these people do when they're not "at da club". I can guess that tat boy wants to be MMA or whatever. Fine. What is he going to do next year? Seriously. I want to know. 'Cuz I really don't like the idea of supporting this unemployable sack of monkey shit.
And, Barbara McBoobs? (Love that name, BTW, Troy) WTH? When did you jump up to the "Too Damn Stretched" size of bolt-ons? I love me some big boobs, but this is just stupid. And nasty. And when I say 'nasty', I don't mean some sort of freaky thing that I might want Medusa to be a part of. I mean plain ol' YUCK.
Damn. Someone owes me 10 minutes of my life back.
I keep wondering what these people do when they're not "at da club". I can guess that tat boy wants to be MMA or whatever. Fine. What is he going to do next year? Seriously. I want to know. 'Cuz I really don't like the idea of supporting this unemployable sack of monkey shit.
And, Barbara McBoobs? (Love that name, BTW, Troy) WTH? When did you jump up to the "Too Damn Stretched" size of bolt-ons? I love me some big boobs, but this is just stupid. And nasty. And when I say 'nasty', I don't mean some sort of freaky thing that I might want Medusa to be a part of. I mean plain ol' YUCK.
Damn. Someone owes me 10 minutes of my life back.
# posted by : 9:46 AM
: 9:46 AM
I bet if you stabbed that guy in the head, he'd just get up and kick your ass.
# posted by : 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
She's very pretty and smokin' hot. You'd all suck the shitstain our of her toilet paper - that being as close as you'd ever get to that quality pussy.
# posted by : 10:40 AM
: 10:40 AM
@ the motley douche
"Clowny von Boobness" has just become my new favorite phrase. I really am elling oh ell.
"Clowny von Boobness" has just become my new favorite phrase. I really am elling oh ell.
Here's my final comment on this one. I would so rip those bikini tops off, wrap one of those boobs up in a scissor lock and noogy the shit out of the scarlet gomper on top until it stretched clear into the next county. At which point I would nibble on it like a stalk of asparagus knowing that one way or the other my pee was gonna smell funny in the morning.
# posted by : 12:41 PM
: 12:41 PM
@ Boatbutter 6:37
The one, the man, the legend Carlos Hatchcock. That guy could shoot the asshole out of a tsetse fly at 1000 yards while flying. Althought with the shitstain in this picture I'd give him a blunderbuss from 2 ft. I think that would make his day too.
The one, the man, the legend Carlos Hatchcock. That guy could shoot the asshole out of a tsetse fly at 1000 yards while flying. Althought with the shitstain in this picture I'd give him a blunderbuss from 2 ft. I think that would make his day too.
# posted by : 2:34 PM
: 2:34 PM
Is this the same douche pictured above in "Shiyen Continues to Choose Poorly"? I think it is...
# posted by : 6:08 PM
: 6:08 PM
I just want to fucking shoot them! Put a pistol up against the temple and pull the FUCKING TRIGGER! They FUCKING ENRAGE ME! ME! I'm Dr. Amy Bishop, you fucking nobody!
# posted by : 11:26 AM
: 11:26 AM
this cock juggling thunder cunts sleeve tattoo makes her look worse than him. your gonna be 50 one day you twunt, nah probably not, this guy will end up roid raging and snapping her like a twig then head for the canadian border and kill himself in a motel right before he gets there.
# posted by : 2:22 AM
: 2:22 AM
I'd make fun of this guy, but he'd definitely kick my ass.
Making fun of a guy that can definitely kick your ass, will definitely get your ass kicked.
He's obviously no douche.
The guy that cuts you off and gives you the finger when you honk, then proceeds to roll up his window and pretend not to see you when you get out of your car and walk up to his as the next red light is a douche.
Are you a douche?
This guy would most likely kick your ass - roll up your window and keep your mouth shut, douche.
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Making fun of a guy that can definitely kick your ass, will definitely get your ass kicked.
He's obviously no douche.
The guy that cuts you off and gives you the finger when you honk, then proceeds to roll up his window and pretend not to see you when you get out of your car and walk up to his as the next red light is a douche.
Are you a douche?
This guy would most likely kick your ass - roll up your window and keep your mouth shut, douche.
# posted by : 7:42 AM
: 7:42 AM << Home
