A Douche.
A very fast Douche (with a potty skid on his chin).
S
 

Superdouche. Is this even a question? He defines douche.

- 'Bagamemnon
 

Not a douche!
 

I don't know if he's a douche or not, but I think he's a good-looking guy. If I was into athletes rather than musicians and actors, I'd probably have a full-blown man-crush.
 

hmmm, might have to disagree here. While I don't know a lot about him, I think he at least deserves an honorary pass. He is, after all, a national hero and sports icon in American history.
 

Notta

The Mandana serves a function, the sould patch is lame but alas not douchey.
 

I'm going with not a douche. He worked hard for what he has. That alone should make him not a douche, mandana or no mandana.
 

Definitely a notta.
 

Dammit DB1, hasn't Yoko been through ENOUGH without you wailing on her son?!?

Could be worse, he could be tweeting agent-cringing embarrassing screeds between white boy blues stratocaster outbürsts.
 

I'd fuck 'im.
 

^italics fail
 

^ Wussies, all of ya


He's a second place finisher in a trash sport.

I touched on this subject this weekend. If he had any skills, he'd be wearing hockey skates and playing in the greatest spectacle on earth: The NHL.

Don't give me the size thing, hockey does not discriminate.

And , since he's banging the delicious Julianne Hough the HCwDB equation is comlplete. Finite Math, bro's.
 

It's also complete
 

Douche? Nottadouche?

I'm afraid this issue exceeds our jurisdiction, my friends.

The final Arbiter of this issue: WWBBD?*

*What Would Brian Boitano Do?
 

Let the record show I'd pee in her butt.
 

Leave Apollo alone. LEAVE. HIM. ALOOOONE!!!!
 

Speed Skaters are left unmolested in prison.

Two words: Rectal Guillotine.
 

I'll call a douche a douche, no question about it. However Ohno gets a pass. If he acted like an asshole, never won a metal and acted liek the king shit, then I'd give him a douch without a second thought. However, six olympic medals gives the guy a pass. The guy who came in third though gets mad respect in my book. The dude sliced his leg with his skate during a nasty crash, almost bled out on the ice, and then came back and kicked ass. If anyone is gonna get a douche award, it's the Korean skater who was in third going into the last corner and tried to pass his teammate, but fell and knocked them both out, clearing the way for Ohno and the other american. Taking out your own countryman in the olympics = megadouche.
 

I frigged myself with a frozen poop dildo of my own making.
 

The hyperlink isn't working, bra!
 

WAIT.

Where'd Crucial go???
 

yeah julianne huff is uberhot... dancer = great in bed
 

@Darksock:

IIRC Crucial's up to his keeeeester this week in crazy bullshit at work.

But I could be wrong.

Glad to see you escaped WDC, aka "Home of the Brave"...
 

notta
 

ohno is a douche.

the mere fact that we are discussing a speed skater, who should endorse and not be heard, if that, is proof of douche.
 

I don't know. Named for a Greek god, 6 medals, smokin' hot dance partner & girlfriend.....maybe notta.

He could lose the stupid chin patch, however. And send a few orders of kimchee to that dumbass from Korea for fucking up their medals sweep in the final turn. What a knucklehead.
 

Definitelyl a douche.

But then you can watch this footage, and feel happy about his enormous line crossing-fail.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfQMJtilOGg
 

rhetorical question, boss... Dooooooouuuuche!
 

Dude's had the chin patch for what seems like all of his adult life. Had it before this year's crop of scrote's shaved balls dropped.

Trains hard year after year to reach a goal.

Achieves said goal.

If the only douche signifier is the chin skid, I call notta.
 

He's SOOOOOOoooo close to the boundary of douche/nottadouche.

I'd say, think of the chin-pad as, like a knee-pad for the face, an ice-insulator, then look the other way, and call "nottadouche" on this star Olympian.
 

On a related note, figure skaters are tremendous athletes
 

Has he stopped using his third name? Because that's a deal breaker for me.

Apollo Ohno (Undouchey)

Apollo Anton Ohno (Douchey)
 

@Vin Douchle

So, Apollo should be playing Hokie? Fully-padded mullet men sodomizing each other with curved sticks?

Try Rugby you lady-man.

I think Speed Skating has just as big of an audience as that "sport" where grown men use sticks to whack a little disk into a net while wearing skates anyway.

Hokie lost its relevance back in the mid-eighties when Amerkunts momentarily jizzed their pants after beating the Ruskies.

Memo to Amerikunts.

That moment was seventy years ago. And no. one. cares. anymore.

Long live curling. The REAL MAN'S SPORT!!!!!!!111!!!!
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

^ Jumpin' Jesus, 1980 was seventy years ago?


Shit!



Well, then, I guess I'm looking pretty good for a 76-year old.


I don't know enough about this dude to issue any verdict. I have a lot of respect for people who have the discipline to get to this level of skill at anything. I read that a Luger was killed in practice and it just seem to me the icy sports are way scarier than the rest. Ohno is neither guilty nor innocent, but his tonsorial arrangements are pretty fecchin ghey.
 

@Medusa

Look. I was off by a few years. Sue me.

I meant "That moment was Eighty-three years ago."

Not that I should have to remind all four people who care about the greatest event in Winter Olympics Sports.
 

Nottadouche, going by the rubric that he actually has merit. I'll overlook the chin fung.

But if he starts exploiting the athletic sex appeal at the cluuub, we could be looking at one hell of a downward spiral.
 

Lose the chin pubes and he would be firmly in Nottaland.
 

if professional / reality TV dancers are not douchebags, i would be kinda surprised.

and yes i'm pigeonholing.
 

$10 says dude's going to get arrested for attempting to assault a waitress outside of a Seattle Hooters in 2-3 years.
 

I call notta. He only wears the mandana during his workout/competition which would lend one to think it has purpose. He left the interview so the lesser known guy could get some attention. Plus he is likable. I do not believe most douches would be likable. However, I hate the poo on the chin.

Dr. DB
 

I think Darksock @ 7:50 is referring to this abomination.

I agree with Lithi on Ohno.
 

Yup, he's a DOUCHEBAG.
 

I know next to nothing about this guy, so I feel ill-quipped to issue a verdict, but I would like to critique one argument: Just because someone worked hard to be an Olympic skater doesn't mean that person isn't a douche. After all, I think it can be argued that being a douche is a lot of work. Do you think E-Blo got to where he is without practicing his vacant stare? Do you think those constant Stackhouse posts write themselves? No sir, they don't.

Also, I agree with Blair. He'll punch a waitress, and later they'll find out he's just a seething stew of steroids and bull hormones, just like all the rest of 'em.
 

Most folks who are focused enough to achieve at the Olympic level in any sport tend to be self-absorbed assholes, but that doesn't make them a douche. So Ohno's notta.

Dermont McDildo Dong XVII @10:52, however, probably is. Apparently has never seen a hockey game, either.
 

I'm afraid it's a "yes." Chin-pubes plus flowing locks held up by a mandana? Brett Michaels is jealous, Ohno. Yer a douche.

And Vin's right, Julianne Hough = Hott therefore HCwDB.
 

Idk boss. Is there something to be said for taking a douchey trait such as the chin fung and making it your own over time like Ted Nugent?
 

@ Fatness 7:12

I think that could be accurate, since the point that Dermont McDildo Dong XVII was trying to make is that the majority of Americans do not watch hockey. ESPN2 shows re-runs of the World Series of Poker instead of hockey for a reason.
 

Very big douche.
 

'Bag

His mothers maiden name is Bagwell
Plus he's got poop on his chin
 

The guy just won medals for our country while being humble and gracious about it.... and we call him a douche?
 

Notta douche!
 

I, for one, don't remember the US v USSR hockey match in the 80s, only the boxing match. Of course, Apollo was a trainer then. And he was black, too.
 

I'm going nottadouche.

Annoying? Yeah.

Stupid chin fung? Yep. But at least the dude has the stones to rock that damn chin chia for 10+ years. At some point it just becomes part of their persona. I still get weirded-out when I see Phil Jackson without the goatee, and he shaved the damn this over six months ago.

But, if Stackhouse and Pumpy have taught us anything, it's that true douchery goes much beyond appearances. Dude's mandana is part of his uniform. The guy did win six Olympic medals (most ever by an American in the Winter Olympics) in a sport that no one gives a shit about, which goes to show his love of the sport. He's a nottadouche in the truest sense of the word.

Go America!

Yeah, fuck everyone else! Fuck you Canada! Fuck you France! Fuck you Germany! Fuck you Finland! Fuck every country that isn't named the United States of America!

The Olympics are sweet, it's the only time where you can bash other countries for no reason whatsoever and be deemed patriotic.

Ps. Fuck you Poland and Yugoslavia!
 

If you watch this douche while he is "Dancing With The Stars," you are, by default, a douche.
 

Every 4 years we're forced to deal with this douche. Please retire after these Olympics douche.

Incidentally, I totally see this guy driving around in a street race modified Honda Civic while listening to techno crap music, spending A LOT of time on his Play Station, and going to Raves on the weekend.

If they didn't make everything into an Olympic sport (short track speed skating?), he'd be working in a Verizon/Sprint store somewhere in an ugly Seattle suburb where
 

Definitely not a douche. He may have some superficial similarities to real douches, but the few interviews I have seen with him clearly show that he has nothing in common with them.
 

Meh. Could really care less. If you REALLY want to talk about Olympic scrote, look no further than Australian (HA!) mogul skiier, Dale Begg-Smith.

Aside from having a name that's just WAY too easy to ridicule via hilarious puns, he's the guy who abandoned his Canadian team because they worried that he was spending too much time becoming stupidly rich from making and selling spyware, and not enough time becoming talented at his sport.

So he defects to down-under and becomes this cocky rich boy hot shot who refuses to give interviews to any Canadian media. As skilled as he might have become at his sport, he clearly has no heart for it, and only saw the final on Saturday as a slimy way of getting exposure for his lame-ass business.

Good thing an actual Canadian with some REAL sportsmanship came and won the gold instead, leaving Douchebag Smith LITERALLY sulking on the podium. Seriously, did anyone watch the medals ceremony? The asshole looked like a 5 year old who just got told he couldn't have any ice cream! Loser.
 

Not a doosh. He's a great role model and a helluva athlete. Opportunist who knows how to humiliate Koreans. An honorary member of the half-Jap yakuza. Be careful DB1, we have sleeper cells all over doucheland.
 

Not a d-bag at all.

He is an amazing Olympic medal winning skater, and to accomplish what he has requires great skill, stamina, training, dedication and sacrifice, and none of those characteristics has been within ten miles of a real doosh.
 

notta douche the guy is an athletic marvel. He gets a pass.
 

Big Douche, in fact a bag the size of Montana but smelling more of quickly passed bean dip and Doritos. A 2nd place skater does not make a hero any more than some NASCAR redneck who can turn left 800 times in a day.
 

I can't believe some of you are nottadouching this guy because he has a Hott girlfriend. WTF? Hot Chicks with Douchebags, the hot chick is part of the formula.

The man was on Dancing with the Stars! The show that made even Warren Sapp a Douche. We has been a world class Douche for three Olympics now. First ballot hall of Douche candidate.

Douche, douche, douche.

French for Shower.
 

^Expertly said Anon, well done, seriously.

He also looks like the type that would cheat on that fine piece on the left (his right) that DB1 didn't put her name down, thank you commentors, after some Google imaging I had to take some time to, well, you know.
 

Douche.
 

Apollo visited our local ice area and gave a clinic to the youth hockey/other skaters. I could see the joy he had sharing his love of skating to the young ones. While his "peps" were trying to get him off the ice he ignored them, and post event he took time to eat with the kids. I don't care how he dresses he is NOT a Douche in my book just due to his actions in front of the kids.