Wow. I'm almost speechless. There was so much wrong with that clip I don't know where to start. The bitch with too much eye makeup annoyed the hell out of me. So did Erika.
 

I refuse to watch this again. The opening frame on display here is quite nice though!
 

Im ready for the big reveal to!
 

Recommendation:

After watching the Patriots pound the Jets today, I highly recommend you go watch the movie "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs". I saw it yesterday and it's awesome, better than any Pixar movie I've ever seen.



And I rename "Kidd Panic and Erika Bunny Build a Bar in Utica, NY" to "Douchey With A Chance of Boobies" with Kid Panic as the talking monkey.
 

The outside looks like it should have a sign that says "George Washington's horse took a dump here while walking by in 1771" and the inside looks like most of the dive bars I've been in. What I want to know is, who buys a bar only to have it open for business three days a week? No wonder banks lose money. Giving loans to douche bags who look like they would have trouble running a lemonade stand, isn't the way to run a bank.
 

Ah yes, I remember this clip. I remember fantasizing about Erika Bunny with a ball gag in her mouth. Not because of the kink factor--just so she'd shut the fuck up.

And nothin' says ballin'-off-the-hook-club-action-with-the-playas-and-babes like...Utica. Although I guess if you're looking to party above the Arctic Circle, you might as well. Utica makes Watertown look like a frozen outpost of shitholery, yo.
 

Yuck
 

The end of the commercial reminds me of those car commercials where the guy points his finger at the camera to emphasize he wants "you" to buy a car from him.

That, and boobies.
 

I love ladies in hard hats.

Super.
 

"This bar looks amazing! I've never seen anything like it!"

It's a slab of granite to separate you from the booze. The exact same concept as every other bar that has ever been made, ever.

I also love that they tried to bring in young "hip" people for the ad, but the woman behind the bar is exactly the haggard old bitch you'd expect to find working a bar in Utica.
 

I about suffered a cranial hemorrhage the last time I viewed this, so I won't risk it again. But I will reiterate that anyone who takes a gorgeous vintage house and turns it into a mediocre sports bar needs to be drawn and quartered. Any residents of a historic neighborhood that would not violently protest turning said gorgeous vintage house into a mediocre sports bar should be rounded up and gassed, then buried in a mass grave and set aflame.

That is merely the opinion of someone who values historic architecture and despises dumb jock culture.
 

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There is one aspect of this clip that we may be overlooking. The acting is impeccable.
One can actually feel the overwhelming sense of accomplishment when the worker pretended to use the drill.

I think I smell an Academy Award.




(Either that, or last night's PBR and burritos.)
 

One other thing, that fuckin' Mexico sure knows how to handle a rig.
 

It should at least be noted that none of these people are actually from Utica. I think Kid Panic is from Long Island, so that explains quite a bit. He is rumored to have roofied more than 1 or 2 females in his time.

And that's not to say there aren't a bunch of guidos in Utica, there are.
 

Sometimes Poo eats the Bar and sometimes... well, the Bar eats Poo.
 

Fish Slap walks into a bar in Utica; bartender looks at the mark on his forehead and says "Why the Dong face?"
 

I'm from utica new york and can say for 100% fact that kid panic is a huge douche bag.
 

Fish Slap is driving through Mississippi on his way to the Southern Decadence gay pride festival in New Orleans when he decides to pull over for the night in Jackson at a Holiday Inn. He gets a room, then saunters over into "Cooters", the redneck beer joint next door. Before he can even ask for a drink the Bartender leans forward and says "Son, this here's a STRAIGHT bar; we don't serve your kind here.

Fish Slap lisps "But Sir, I've driven all the way down from Chicago and I'm parched; I PROMISE I'll sit quietly in the corner and sip on my appletini and not bother anybody.

The Bartender thinks it over, and relents. "Awright, here's your drink. You go sit yer ass in that corner, and so help me if I hear you say so much as one little word, JUST ONE WORD, I'll walk right over and put my foot up yer ass".

Fish Slap nods gratefully and retreats to the corner of the bar to enjoy his libation.

Just then a bunch of big burly bull riders from the Dixie National Rodeo bust up loudly into the place. The biggest cowboy, still in his chaps, yells loudly to the bartender "Mister, I been bustin' broncos all day, and I'm so gawd-damn thirsty I swar could lick the sweat off'a bull's balls!"

Just then from the darkened corner of the room came a soft mournful sound: "Moooooooooooooooo......"
 

Oh DarkSock...

Thank you for that.
 

How 'bout back dare?
 

Yo, Erika, I'm happy for you an' all, and I'ma let you finish, but Dave & Buster's got the best bars EVER
 

Yo, Erika, I'm happy for you an' all, and I'ma let you finish, but Dave & Buster's got the best bars EVER
 

i followed vin's advice and watched the patriots crush the jets... what a great time.
 

Here is a much better video.

And by "better," I mean.....well, you'll see (and it's even worksafe).....
 

Here is Kid Panic's attempt at a rap career, from the early 90's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TA6aLgQF9U

His cadence is like a Vanilla Ice rip off.
 

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DarkSock:

I tip my room-temp glass of bottom-shelf gin and store-brand tonic to ya, sir.

Well done, my friend.
 

terribly depressing.
 

dark Sock....

Too cute.
I bet in the Deep South that Fish Slap was quietly sitting in the bar corner chewing his kudzu.
 

This is Mark Twain country in that part of upstate NY.

I'm chortling away, thinking of what he'd have to say about this.
 

after getting the hell out of the Deep South (tm), Fish Slap visits Utica and gets a personal fellatio from Kidd Panic. and they live happily ever after.

don't say that i never have well wishes for douchebags.
 

@ Darksock

Does "Block that kick! Block that kick!" ring any punchline bells for you?
 

Remind me to never go to Utica for any reason.
 

I will also not watch this video again. I shall merely gaze at the beautiful boobage and move on.

A concrete bar in a shitty college town. That's class.
 

As a native from Utica I feel the need to speak. Although there is most definitely a population of douchebags worth noting, their place in the social hierarchy is not worth noting. They all seem to know their place, which is Hollyrock for sure. Utica has suffered enough since the 80's, so please do not judge our "home" on one pathetic youtube clip that everyone thinks is a complete joke.
 

Hollyrock? Is that a Flintstone's reference? Will they serve Utica Club beer?
 

I don't think all those boobies were OSHA compliant.
 

That's some scary shit.
 

Oops, I crapped my pants.
 

I think I just puked up brain matter
 

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