ok, how does this pic prove anything? the guy looks like a total fucking douchebag, with his slim-jim guy hair that took forever and his 100carat glass earring!!! real men don't need fake jewelery or hair gel, just a plain watch and a buzzcut
 

When since is Gyro making a college course?
 

Sorry Triple F,

My intial reaction to the picture was: "Ewwwwww"

Then I read the caption.
Your case is flawed, sir.

If your "brother" could kindly swap shirts with the nice young lady in the picture and have that picture submitted, it would be greatly appreciated.
 

@miss leigh

Excellent catch with the observance of this choad's gigantic glass butt plug he shoved into his ear my fellow baghuntress.

Let me quote from the book of Pfah, Chapter 6 Verse 9:

"When I was a douche, I spake as a douche, I dressed like a douche, I wore obnoxious amounts of excessive bling like a douche, but when DB1 set me straight, I put away douchey things."
 

@DB: The Therom of Douche Vectors
 

Sorry, my inital read of this title was: "In Defense of Farts"

dyslexics of the world Untie!











btw, in general, I think farts are great and quite useful at times.
 

Though he’s only been cut down from the gallows seconds before, the fact that Ronald had died with a smile was enough to make Gracie cop one last picture before he was laid to rest.
 

**FART**
 

peek of flatbelly and venusial aroma.
 

I think many people need to NEED the letter MUCH MORE CAREFULLY.
 

Nice diversion, Fuh Fuh Feh. I can only imagine the potzery that goes on in your fraternity for you to point out the douchebaggery going on across the street.
 

Fucking cant even type READ.


Retarded.
 

Rrrrriiiipflrbtbtbttttpttt

**tweet**
 

Oh, so all the guys in that other frat are douchebags. And I'm sure if we asked that frat, they'd say your frat is the one filled with douchebags.

Whatever. As DB1 said, frat guy does not necessarily guarantee fratbag--heck, I can think of at least two guys out of hundreds at my school who were frat guys but not frat bags--but the correlation is pretty damn strong. Joining an automatic friend factory in college as soon as you're able does not strongly indicate the strongest sense of self or individuality. To say nothing of sadomasochistic initiation rituals and availability of incapacitated sorority girls and/or house mascots--like goats--for sexual violation.

Not that there's anything inherently wrong with a little paddling. When Medusa and I have a young thing trussed up in the Playpen, well, that's just hot. But we don't invite a posse of several dozen backward baseball cap-wearing choad stains to chant along and spill Schlitz all over the place.

In summation, I'd say P(frat guy -> frat bag) = 0.998.
 

F=D.B, D=FB, F+G....non- invers.........+B....pi r 2...FB...viola....
Damn, now I got a headache.
 

Anyone who needs to join a rent-a-friend club is pretty much well along the way to douchehood. Then add to that the bleethal infection known as sowhoreities, and it is simply a matter of time before one catches douchiness...
 

hayden panettiere's eye is freaking me out.
 

@IRA Darth Aggie

Glad to see we temporarily synced minds there with "friend factory" and "rent-a-friend club."
 

Oh no... I went to the University of Georgia for a year and had to ride the bus to campus, and the nearest bus stop to my apartment was over on the frat and sorority area of town. Everyone that came out of one of the Greek houses was a complete bag or a bleeth.

My brother was in a frat full of nothing but bags.

My guess is that Animal House was a movie made by a frat bag with the intention of desensitizing us to fratbaggery. However, the overwhelming evidence is that frat boys are douche, case in point Revenge of the Nerds. The alpha betas were complete yam bags. If not four Lewis, Betty Childs would still be with that tool Stan Gables.

I am not buying it.

Why does one join a frat? They do so in order to fit in and to get hots. Sounds douchey to me...
 

Thanks Anon 12:33

I see now, despite your typo, that the choad in the picture is from the fraternity across the street from FFF.

I apologize, Frederick.
 

@IRA Darth Aggie

Hey, I need my copy of "Sowhoreities I" back...without it the storyline in my collection of "Sowhoreities II and Sowhoreities III" just doesn't make much sense.

I'll just watch "Backdoor Flatulation Babes VII" and chow down on some bourbon baked beans for the smellovision interactiveness factor. Good times.
 

Looking at this pic, I was struck by the uncanny resemblence to my first ex-wife.
Of course, she would never be caught dead wearing a tie like that.
 

@ Mr. White et al

I was a member of a fraternity during my undergraduate years here at UC Santa Barbara.

In the gayest way possible, I was very close to a vast majority of the guys in the house, we shared the wackiest (read: most intoxicated) four years of my life.

But they were, and still are, douchebags. I occasionally will spend a night drinking with this pack of retarded alcoholics, and they ooze douche on a regular basis. Douche speak, douche garb, douche drinks, and douche mentalities bind these young (misguided) men together. I am overcome with hilarious entertainment every time I watch them acting (douching) within their natural habitat (i.e. "the house"). For the most part, they are nice guys. But for the moster part, they are douches.

And just like the douchebag that posted this email, every fraternity calls the other douches, yet admits no douchery on the part of his comrades. 'Cause that's what douches do.

Sorry fratbag. Your homies are douches. Your rivals are douches. You live in a world of douche.
 

General Guidelines of The Frat:

1. Whatever wears the wrong letters or none at all is an enemy
2. Whomever will laugh at, mock or generally abuse the enemy, is a friend.
3. No bleeth shall wear clothes past 2:30 AM.
4. Bed wetters shall sleep on the floor.
5. Drink alcohol.
6. Fighting is only encouraged after the highest levels of debate have been expressed.
7. All frats are equal (but some are more equal than others).
 

Back in my day only guys named Greg, Douglas, and Chip belonged to frats. There were no frats or sororities allowed on campus when I was at school. Animal House actually premiered in theatres the week before I started college and it did color my opinion of them. Never joined one, never planned to.

Ernie, Animal House was written by a guy who wanted to capture his time in a frat at Dartmouth in the early '60s. That being said, it was and is one of the funniest movies ever.

My youngest brother and one of my closest friends were in the same frat at Texas. I visited a few times and they really weren't bad. There were a few of the pipe-clenched-between-teeth-while-driving-the-BMW-Bavaria types, but the only reason they stayed was because they were legacies, and they also had credit cards (to pay for kegs, to hold parties). They were tolerated because most "poor as a churchmouse" college student frat brothers bled them dry.

My brother's frat tolerated an Ag in their midst (unlike nowadays, where some 35-year-old Dad with an 8-year-old yelled "Fuck you Aggie scum" in my ear at "the game" in Austin last year.) I enjoyed my visits. Of course I would have been shot and tossed into a shallow grave if I went to Arkansas.
 

Old School was a pathetic ripoff of Animal House, with an unfunny cast and predictable outcome. Earth to Will Ferrell. "You aren't funny."

It had one redeeming value: the incredibly delicious Elisha Cuthbert.
 

@BillDouchiest

I do not in any way dispute the funniness of Animal House, but your story actually helps to collaborate my claim.

My second guess is that DB1 is indeed a frat brother trying to scam us all into believing frats are not douches.

Anyone in a frat does not get a pass from me.
 

The limit of a frat guy always tends to douchebaggery.
 

ƒ(Fraternity)dx = Douchebags
 

"Simply being in a Frat does not make one an automatic Fratbag"

No, but it guarantees that you're an automatic drunken, spoiled asshole.

But I'll agree that this guy is definitely not a douche; no, instead he's a raging gaybag who enjoys a nice hot load to the face.

Or anyplace else.
 

I wasn't in the greek system in college, but I knew a lot of good guys who were. Unfortunately, there were far more of their ilk who were raging douchebags. FFF has an uphill battle.

Wow, is she a cutie. Get your hands off her, Jersey. And what the fuck are those pants he's wearing? Or are they boxers? Run, Hayden, run!
 

That guy is in College?

He looks forty seven years old.

This is an interesting pic. It's clearly a costume party of some sort (pyjama party maybe?) and he's got a big smile on his face, so I'm inclined to say 'not a douche'. The hair and earring aren't exactly my cup of tea, but there's more to being a douche than that, and we risk becoming douches ourselves when we start ridiculing every guy with a tub of hair gel.

In fact, I get more of a douchey vibe from FFF's email. You can't be all things to all people FFF. A self hating douche is still a douche, only less endearing. They're the ones who should know better.

Haven't posted in a while. Feels good.
 

@Crucial Head: I wonder if a composer has ever mapped out the tonal range of all fart capabilities, in terms of octaves, etc.

IE: if one were to say, play Beethoven's 5th or Flight of The Bumblebee live, using nothing but farts, how would you staff the orchestra?

Would you need to get Aretha Franklin and Al Roker for the Bass/Kettle Drum section, and maybe Natalie Portman for the high Violin-like Strings section... ?

Not saying Roker & Franklin could ever stand up to The World Famous South Korean Fart Orchestra, mind you.
 

Not to mention the end part of The 1812 overture btw, which would probably just blow some asses straight to pieces; maybe even military-industrial-complex grade asses like Franklin's or Paul Prudhomme's.
 

They pay to have friends. Clearly they are douchebags. I think fff is in douche denial.
 

@Barack,

If, indeed, this were to ever take place as you have proposed so eloquently (with real A-list celebrities), I believe this would be the greatest achievement in mankind's brief history on this beloved planet.

The collective salty fuccen tears of joy that would be shed would flood this earth to the highest mountaintops in the Maldives.

I going to go build a big-ass boat.

Brb.
 

Oh, and ffffhhhrrrrrttttuuptuptblrblrblrb...pfahhhhh

**tweet**
 

Masturbating Trucker Flips Rig, Loses Load

No puns intended, I'm sure.



As you were.....
 

Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
You ought to have beans at every meal.

Frats, frats, the doucheity bags,
The more they douche, the more they bag.
The more they bag, the better they feel,
They ought to serve tea at every meal.
 

What on earth is an Alpha Gamma Rho (AGR) or Farmhouse Fraternity girlfriend doing with a (substitute any other house) kind of guy?

Farmer's daughter plaid-shirt hottie here, maybe she wandered in with the barn kittens, someone PLEASE tell her.
 

FFF: I'm afraid your logic is flawed. It's like the pot calling the bong black.
 

This assbite wouldn't get a bid to a real fraternity, which only exist in the South. Think seersucker, bowties, Polo, and North Face - call me a 'bag if you will, but please, can we at least get straight what exactly a fratbag is?
 

Gerardo is making a comeback on the Rico Slobbay tour. Concerts will be at frat circle jerks only.
 

I fart on your beard.
 

One simply cannot call out another of his own ranks, and distinguish his own self from his fellows under the belief of superiority.

It's like an Anorexic calling a Bulimic a sickly, skinny bitch. One belongs to one neurosis club, the other to another kind, but they both fall under the blanket of Eating Disorders, hence they are both sickly, skinny bitches.

Then there were the Hatfields and the McCoys. Two warring family tribes, both were self-righteous, meddling bands of hillbillies.

Chicago Bears Fans and Green Bay Packers Fans detest each other. However, both groups are fat, mustachioed, dopey midwesterners, drunk on cheap swill beer, stuffed full of pork sausage products and talking with funny accents.

So, sorry, Freddy. You're under an umbrella of fratchoadery, just because you're in a different segment than this cat doesn't mean you're exempt. You all belong to the same stupid subsect, you just have clans within.

A fine example...I used to work with an ex-frat boy and he told me of a game called "ookie cookie" (aka White Rabbit). You and the guys get in a circle and jack off, successively ejaculating on a cracker, cookie, or piece of bread. Last one to blow his load eats the cum-soaked biscie in the middle of the circle jerk.

Now...aside from the obvious of homosexual gatherings, can anyone else tell me where this sort of behavior is encouraged and enjoyed as a pasttime? At a sporting event? At a concert? At a barbecue? No? I rest my case. You, Freddy, have a lot of nerve pointing fingers at ANYONE involved in this culture, if you are similarly involved.

The prosecution rests.

@ Mr White 12:37
Speaking of which, did you need me to pick up some Karo Syrup and clothespins on the way home? I'm pretty sure I'm getting out on time tonight.
 

The fact that he's wearing Wonder Woman's hot pants makes him a douche. Costume party be damned! You are a Douche, sir!

I'll look at the frat aspect like Muslims and terrorists. Not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists seem to be Muslims.

So be it with fratbags. They must PROVE they do not carry the DB virus.

@ Medusa 4:46

A friend told me about "ookie cookie." Some hillbilly in his US Army platoon told him about it.
 

She's kinda got this "young Carrie Fisher" thing going on. Maybe I'm crazy.

-Ponderonymous
 

In the spirit of "Hi, I'm Donald and I'm an Alcoholic,", I too will confess to having been a fratass in college (can't bring myself to call it the Greek System, sorry One for the Choad). Late 80's. good times. We were U2/Smiths/REM rocking, mullet and rat tail wearing, Swatch wearing, Polo shirt collar popping douches.

And I had a blast. Specifically because in high school I was straight A's, straight laced. I made myself a promise that once I got to college I would make up for lost time. And I did. Alcohol, drugs, hotty, more alcohol. It was a license to do what ever I wanted.

This last fall my fraternity chapter was shut down because a pledge died of alcohol poisoning. Arrests for frat boys and at least one sorority girl. Damn shame, and it could have happened any day of the week when I was there.

Frats are like prisons. Concentrate douche and all you get is concentrated douchiness. FFF, you are a douche. Pray that when you graduate (see, I'm being positive there) the scrotal infection wears off and you can look back, fwap over the "great" sex, and be glad that you've lost contact with all the "life long friends" you swore you'd stay in touch with.








@Medusa^
"ookie cookie"?!?! Damn you! Secret rituals are secret for a reason! It's called brotherhood for f*ck's sake!
 

I always hated frats. Except one. It was the antiFrat Frat. Run by a bunch of freaks. They saw Animal House and thoguht "Meh. Kind of tame..." No popped collars. No Izod Shirts. No preppy bullshit. Just one ENDLESS party. How many frats listen to Eno?

Because I think Eno wrote a song about this frat, and everyone there knew it by heart...

"People come and go
and forget to close the door
and leave their stains and cigarette butts
trampled on the floor and when they do...

Remember Me... Remember Me..."

They had strippers popping out of cakes and blowing everyone there.

They had huge tanks filed with nitrous.

They had a coke machine filled with canned beer. (PBR, Bud, Schlitz, and Schaefer - crap among crap)

They had a stainless steel bong the size of a vacuum cleaner, and it was always full of pot.

They had a freezer in the basement that held sheets of paper... filled with grids of tiny pictures on them...

The grounds were ALWAYS ankle deep in URC and other party detritus.

They were total party animals. And because they were basically a bunch of freaks, the girls who showed up were not the suzie sweet boobs types - more the crazed punk rocker chix with serious attitude problems.

However, as they did not fit the choad mould that is the cookie cutter life of The Frat Life, they lost their charter and got shut down.

Now me? I was homeless for most of my college career. For about 4 months in second year, they let me sleep on their couch once a week, 'cuz I went to HS with one of the members.

I eventually found more "permanent" housing in an abandoned broom closet...
 

@medusa

Yes on the Karo, but no on the clothespins. I brought home some extra binder clips that will do the job nicely.
 

YOU FAGOATHS, I QWA SIN SKULL AND BONES AT FUCEN YALE EAND I TURNED OUT JUST FUCEN FINE! ME AND MYB ROS ALL TURNED OHJTU FUCKEN FINE!

WELL< EXPCET THAT GUYY WEW CALLE D"STABBY TIM" HE FUCEN KILED SOME SOSROTUIY SLAPWHOAR AN DHTEN CUT OFF HER FACE AND OWRE IT LIKE A MASK! THAT WA A FUCEN EMBARRSSHMWENT!
 

COOLO FLYEETYEHTH IS BACC>>

MISTSED YUOR DISEEEEz RIDDENN SELFTH.

I HOPPPE GAOL WUZ GOODE FOR YA.
 

Söm fRät boÿ triyed 2 RæpĘ my äśš wõncę büt ï çūt 0f£ hiz ÇøkK Ånd étt it rìtè öüt thá MIKKLERWÆVË

HÊ..,,qüïêtėd wãÿ d0\/\/n ættër thett; sëęmd 2 næüght mïšž his dïck ï çöøkT ån ÆTË,,,,wantëd 2 špréadt Thæ Gawspell..,;(. GØMPER GŒ$PELLING


Nahse bøyé. Dêd ëhyez thóùûgh

HE A PEEN WACJKER. U BEETA RUN SUGAR ROD. W000t $$$$&7
 

the nottadouche presence in fraternities is about as insignificant as the nottadouche presence in New Jersey. we know that not everyone in New Jersey is a douchebag, but does it matter?

i think not. hand over your sorority girls, filthy fratbags. the hot ones only*.

*the sorority at my old university actually didn't have that many hot chicks, contrary to popular portrayal of sororities. which is why i appended the precaution about hot sorority chicks only.
 

Sounds like some bad TARMAL, Flyteeth! Welcome back.

Remember The Greeks Don't Want No Greeks off The Eagles swan song, The Long Run.

To whit:

"You got down and did the Gator, and half an hour later you were barfin' all over your girlfriend's shoes... because the Greeks don't want no freaks!"

It does bring back a few weekend visit memories to t-sip land, circa 1980-2.
 

@ crucial 12:29

post mortem bag!

-douche bagel
 

To pledge frat is to pledge douchedom. Blanket statement. Universal law. Canon. Etc. etc. etc.
 

Just curious, does this guy belong to the frat from Old School? He's not as old as Blue but I'd certainly think he's at least as old as Frank the Tank.
 

Ok who the fuck is frat five freddy. And what fucking fraternity are you in because im the only freddy that lives across the street from that fraternity. Dont be a bitch and tell me who the fuck you are faggot.
 

Hilarious. One doesn't have to think long about why aggies and people with "darth" in their name dismiss fraternities. Even fraternities are too individualistic for the core cult in college station. It is true that most fraternities give those in the ivy league and the South a bad name, but DB1 and HCWDB does garner a lot of support from fraternities. Some might think this bad, but are those not the same socially inept people who are more angry at society itself than the plight of douchebaggery?
 

Hey 5thColumn,

What do you say to the Aggie in your office?

"Good morning, Boss. One sugar or two?"


GigEm!
 

Oh yeah. Having to buy your college friends isn't auto-douche at all. I suppose neither is orange spray-on tanner, frosted tips and tribal tatts ...

O_o