Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Guyliner Gary: aka The Guyliner Douche

One of the clearest and most toxic pollutants in the douchebag's arsenal of whack is the "guyliner."
Using the Stephen Hawking rule of a folding cosmos, the douche figures that guyliner is so feminine it must wrap around to the other end of the gender binary, becoming uber-masculine. It is logic by way of inversion of gender tropes, by way of a pile of yak poo.
Here we find Gary ready to get in the camera's "face!"
While Barbie Cara endures a stomach rub.
Later, Gary's tri-color hair and sensitive eyes will earn him Cara's true affections, when the lapdance begins.
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I always wondered what Pete Wentz would look like if he was blond. By "always" I mean never. And by "Pete Wentz" I mean uberdouche supreme.
Her facial expression is the look of the purest of psychopaths.
Toit body? Indubitably.
Rotund, succulent, botox enhanced lips? Yes plus twelve.
Nightmarish Flashbacks of Daddy pummeling Mommy with a pair of brass knuckles fashioned out of rusty barbwire and permanent receiver of Daddy's post beat down, cool-off raping? Believe it Gary. Fucking believe it.
Enjoy the lap dance buddy. I have no ill words for you, because Sheila (aka Barbie), is grind off your dick with a battered cheese grater once she finishes berating you with unkind words and not-so-idle death threats.
Toit body? Indubitably.
Rotund, succulent, botox enhanced lips? Yes plus twelve.
Nightmarish Flashbacks of Daddy pummeling Mommy with a pair of brass knuckles fashioned out of rusty barbwire and permanent receiver of Daddy's post beat down, cool-off raping? Believe it Gary. Fucking believe it.
Enjoy the lap dance buddy. I have no ill words for you, because Sheila (aka Barbie), is grind off your dick with a battered cheese grater once she finishes berating you with unkind words and not-so-idle death threats.
I didn't think it was possible but he looks even gayer in the second pic. I'll give him credit for having good taste in sluts though.
AV
AV
Everyone knows Gary. For it is a well established tradition for him to bring his plastic doll to the club and get absolutely hammered on water or berry juice.
The eyeliner doesn't help. Anyone.
The eyeliner doesn't help. Anyone.
Seriously? Guyliner?
What the hell is this guy thinking? "Hmmm, I don't look gay enough in these pics... I KNOW! I'll add some Maybelline!"
Sorry there, Lance, but the metrosexual train left the station five or six years ago. You just look gay now, despite the lapdance you aren't paying enough attention to.
Hell, I got a lapdance for my gay stepbrother during my bachelor party. His comment, "Do all strippers wear Shalimar?" In other words, getting a lapdance doesn't mean you're straight, Lance.
What the hell is this guy thinking? "Hmmm, I don't look gay enough in these pics... I KNOW! I'll add some Maybelline!"
Sorry there, Lance, but the metrosexual train left the station five or six years ago. You just look gay now, despite the lapdance you aren't paying enough attention to.
Hell, I got a lapdance for my gay stepbrother during my bachelor party. His comment, "Do all strippers wear Shalimar?" In other words, getting a lapdance doesn't mean you're straight, Lance.
The indisputable and horrific fact is: he's pulled a bird who's fitter than probably 99% of birds pulled by cunts on here. Which makes me think maybe I should start dressing up like a turd burglar and see if my luck improves.
This guy(?) will make a run for the monthly.
'hon, is my eyliner running?'
'i've just got to go take a piss and check my mascara'
'be right there, just have to finish my eye makeup'
could this guy have any male friends?
wtf carla? wtf!?
Ferdinand the Douche
'hon, is my eyliner running?'
'i've just got to go take a piss and check my mascara'
'be right there, just have to finish my eye makeup'
could this guy have any male friends?
wtf carla? wtf!?
Ferdinand the Douche
Don't forget the scarf with the super-hetero skull and crossbones motif. Sorry Gary, but the scarf is the red herb to your eyeliner's green herb. Feminine (product) level is only magnified tenfold.
Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream, she says
The one that makes me cry, she says
And run and hide in the crawlspace under the stairs
The one that makes me scream, she says
The one that makes me cry, she says
And run and hide in the crawlspace under the stairs
She's a douche puppet, and he's her makeup wearing companion. They are the perfect couple. Really just look at them.
-Bulk discount on Mary Kay
-They are an accessory for each other
-They have the same taste in men.
They are the perfect couple.
-Bulk discount on Mary Kay
-They are an accessory for each other
-They have the same taste in men.
They are the perfect couple.
we can blame the likes of steven collagenpump tyler and billyjoe douchestrong for this. and in my humble opinion the rockstar leniency rule doesnt encompass this douchestrocity! its just lame, and wrong. and when i say lame and wrong i mean lame and wrong. gaybags
dougal mcdouche
dougal mcdouche
You guys can have that 'haven't been fucked like that since grade school' body, but I'm using those lips to sail to Fiji.
John Douche Passos said...
"Simon Le Bon"
This guy would so pleased to hear you say that.
Especially if you whispered it in his ear while giving him a reach around.
"Simon Le Bon"
This guy would so pleased to hear you say that.
Especially if you whispered it in his ear while giving him a reach around.
Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans, I haven't seen anything this frightening since Poltergeist, and I was eight years old at the time.
Now, I'm not excusing Guyliner. But, there was a time and a place in history, musical history, mind you, when it was somewhat appropriate. I needn't start ranting and raving about Bauhaus and The Germs, 'cause those of you who already know, you already know. For those of you who don't know, I'm sure you don't care.
The point I'm trying to make is this: The time for this is long past. That wild, glorious time has come to an end and needs to be left as it was. And to have it usurped by mediocre douchebags like this sickens me. Eye makeup and skulls...they have no place in clubs that play Scooter and serve wine. They especially have no place on nitwits who fuck chicks like this.
Sure, to her, you'd look edgy and tough. But if you were so edgy and tough, you'd be banging some chick with razor scars on her wrist who wears combat boots while she rides you. And then, the two of you would collapse in a heap on the mattress on the floor of the abandoned warehouse in which she's squatting. You would share a Dunhill and then the would crush it out on your sternum when you told her you loved her.
I'm just sayin'.
Now, I'm not excusing Guyliner. But, there was a time and a place in history, musical history, mind you, when it was somewhat appropriate. I needn't start ranting and raving about Bauhaus and The Germs, 'cause those of you who already know, you already know. For those of you who don't know, I'm sure you don't care.
The point I'm trying to make is this: The time for this is long past. That wild, glorious time has come to an end and needs to be left as it was. And to have it usurped by mediocre douchebags like this sickens me. Eye makeup and skulls...they have no place in clubs that play Scooter and serve wine. They especially have no place on nitwits who fuck chicks like this.
Sure, to her, you'd look edgy and tough. But if you were so edgy and tough, you'd be banging some chick with razor scars on her wrist who wears combat boots while she rides you. And then, the two of you would collapse in a heap on the mattress on the floor of the abandoned warehouse in which she's squatting. You would share a Dunhill and then the would crush it out on your sternum when you told her you loved her.
I'm just sayin'.
Green Day wannabe....
The chick is hot...I probably wouldn't bang her because she would reject me. I would then drop to the floor, curl into a ball, sob and whimper quietly until I masturbated myself to sleep.
Did I say that out loud?
The chick is hot...I probably wouldn't bang her because she would reject me. I would then drop to the floor, curl into a ball, sob and whimper quietly until I masturbated myself to sleep.
Did I say that out loud?
I am filin a lawsuit effective 0800 tomorrow all my scarf will be removed I e skull and crossbones scarfs of colt Curtis if there is another one posted there will be more legal matters involved. I work in a law office I will get the documentation prepared for this matter today . hopefully you get this email in time
And Alex was a fictionalized illustration of the potential of depravity in humanity. Well, Its amazing how close Kubric's vision was.
i want whatever radioactive drink Cara is having. i will drink it, and then proceed to ram the glass into Gary's eye socket.
but then, who knows how deep the down the rabbit hole the radioactive drink will take you? *shudders*
but then, who knows how deep the down the rabbit hole the radioactive drink will take you? *shudders*
There was a time when the likes of Max Factor
Greased on the faces of many an actor.
Opera and theater shared in the notion
Both women and men should be smeared with such lotion.
Lesser talents and wannabes
copy the artists,
With makeup and hair
of pud-poo-gassing fartists.
Whoop-di-douche Crane
Greased on the faces of many an actor.
Opera and theater shared in the notion
Both women and men should be smeared with such lotion.
Lesser talents and wannabes
copy the artists,
With makeup and hair
of pud-poo-gassing fartists.
Whoop-di-douche Crane
that look on suckle sequined sheila is not that of crazy, but of contempt and ire churning within her, mixing with a thousand nights of uberscrote semen, slim fast and Seagram's Tequila Sunrise Surprise wine coolers- a truly evil concoction of universal magnitude; this was the look on Attila the Hun's face before he drowned in his own blood on his wedding night, Pol Pot's expression just before he coined "the killing fields". Sadly, all the world's great atrocities are spawned from staring into soul maiming doucheface such as this. This eyeliner is not only blackening chode lashes in Jersey, but the compassionate hearts of humanity. plucking this pube from our societal sack will save us all from the next holocaust, of this i am sure.
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