Cash Money repasent yo!
 

So, I can play with lyrics by an African American too.

I see belts of white... hat angles too.
They look really douchey...to me and you
And I think to my self...what a douchie old world.

I see tribal tatts...grill covered teeth
just to attract...some silicone bleeth
And I think to myself...what a douchie old world.

Colours and swashes...from Ed Hardy
chin pubes on faces...of scrotebags farty
I see gang signs and scissors...sayin' "Duh, let's party"
They're really sayin' "I'm a stupid dumb fuck."

I hear kittens drowning...and keyboards that smash
too much drinking...too little hash
When I think to myself...what a douchie old world.
 

Daaaaaaamn wigga! Don't shoot!

Just reading those words makes me queasy. Might as well get drunk now.

Cheers everybody!
 

Pink is the new black... or was that orange?
 

There's really nothing an over-privileged white boy can relate to more than songs about people's stuff: hence the popularity of shit like Lil Wayne with Douchebags.

You know... because over-priviledged white boys have had it rough growin' up in da hood. They've overcome struggles: like that one time they had to save up to buy a pair of shoes. So they can really appreciate the finer things in life: Material possessions.

Now if you'll please excuse me, I'm going to shoplift a Nelly CD from 2001 or so and listen to that song about his Air Force Ones.
 

Meanwhile, Lil Wayne is prolly' busy diversifying his portfolio and taking fencing lessons...yo.
 

Douche Bag Mike sucks, but I could tell that by looking at him.

After reading Little Wayne's lyrics however, it's clear he sucks too.

Douche Bags and Rap, a perfect union. Who else do you think buys that shit?
 

Atleast he spelled the words correct...I think.
Nothing like some punk-ass moron who's too stupid to write his own imbicelic thoughts on some
"Look at Me" page.
Parents sooooo proud.
 

Lil Wayne is a festering disease, and Mike...

Hold, which one is Mike?

Shade of pink...

Which one is the dude?
 

Ummm... what a dumbass. He took Weezy's greatest song (Sky's the Limit) and fucking butchered it. Cant even get the lyrics right. Go back to Bolton, playa.
 

She is all sorts of roofied-up sophomore hotness. And I like that.

A lot.
 

That's his greatest song?
 

Mike looks more like the sad guy checking id's than the person people are going to see, how sad Mike you don't have it anymore, PlayAH.

Is Mike's face the combined shade of his and suckle suzie's shirt?
 

Anon @ 8:08

In my humble opinion, it's his greatest song. The extremely hard-to-find stellar remix, though, not the crappy version on The Drought 3 that's laid over an even crappier Mike Jones tune.
 

Troy 7:22 ftw
 

I think that is the guy's wife, which is odd, because usually tatt marries tatt. It just looks like a hubby-wife pose to me.

And why do tatts like this guy's seem like they were grease-based? He could use that arm to wipe entire diner tables clean, and probably has.
 

She's an alternate-reality version of Paris Hilton, in which said Hilton is not quite the beat-down drunk driver mess that she is in this reality.

He's an alternate-reality version of some cool guy, in which said cool guy is actually a douche.

I'm going to follow Hot Buttered's example, except I'm going to shoplift a Nelly Furtado CD.

"I'm like a biiiiird...I don't know where my hole is...." (Those are the lyrics, right?)
 

Lil' Mike: A whiter shade of Fail.
 

But did he test positive for "sexy" and is his blood type "rockstar"?

Army of DOuche-ness
 

is he allergic to "haters" as well?
 

Regardless of Lil' Wayne sucking donkey balls as a rapper, I doubt you'll find a bedazzled fuchsia shirt in his closet, Mike.

Oh Lil' Wayne. To quote Atmosphere, "You ain't The Roots bitch!"
 

Like most main-stream watered-down rock, hip hop and R&B - most main stream clothing lines gargle with highly-adhesive donkey jizz. Don't believe me? Google Newton's Sixth Law of Thermodynamics. Or, maybe it is the Eighth Law of Thermodycrapix.

Anyway, as long as kids keep buying what their selling, the workers will keep building them new ones.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Mr. White has inspired me to pop some red, white, and blue pills and slip into my own alternate reality.
 

@End the Haberdouchery,

Donkey balls + donkey jizz = Like minds. And by like minds, I mean filthy.
 

I am highly insulted by this post. My name is Mike, and I am a douchebag. Yet I rock the brilliant mullet and bolo tie, and every so often I like to quote Thomas Hardy when I don't have shit to say. This guy just has a bedazzler and a crack habit.

I need to change my name.
 

To quote Mannfred Mann quoting Springsteen:

"Blinded by the life; dressed up like a douche, now I'm running with a knife"

Or something like that.
 

No no dammit ManTitty that don't make no sense; its:

"Blinded by delight; 'fessed up I'ma Douuche to the Foreman in the night..."
 

Dumb asses, its:

Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a douche,
under the rotor of the night
 

might be "under the boner of the night". I'll concede that possibility.
 

@ Mike-

hear hear. My name's Mike too and I've decided that since the term Douchebag is getting thrown around all too lightly these days since it's now the insult buzz-word du jour that I am just going to accept and embrace the criticism of being a DB when I receive it for using proper grammar or deductive reasoning.

Db1, you've lost a solider in the war. I'll still be commenting on the site and will not likely ever pass a stage-2 status to warrant getting on the site (no less considering no hotts want to be seen near me) but from here on out, I'm a douchebag.

"Deal with it, rock n' roll."- Sean Bateman

Army of Douche-ness
 

Was the first Mike kidding and the second Mike not kidding?
Army of Douche-ness = Douchebag Mike? I'm confused.





Where am I? And where are my pants?
 

I would add Nelly Furtado's ass to the international galactic celebrity fart orchestra.
 

The suburban white gangstas will haxxor your box! Get your proxys and firewalls up now! Hard gangstas are doing PC action as part of their parole.
 

Pink like the vagina.
 

Buy a rap cd? shiiit I'll borrow it and rip it and encode it in low bitrate like 96kbps just to make it sound more shitty. Sorry MC Capitalist Sell Out I wouldn't buy your drink coaster cd for 25cents at a yard sale in the geto.
 

@MG

I am totally with you on "douchebag" becoming a blanket term for any and all kinds of disagreeable behavior. On that note, I think we've sort of won, in the way Americans latch on to concepts without fully understanding or even really giving a shit about the underlying meaning or proper context of said concept. Just look at how we've managed to bastardize Buddhism, for example. So, douchebags have at least entered the conversation at large. It's not much, but it is something.

Anyhow, I've been guilty of unsavory behavior in the past, and I'm surely going to do something unsavory in the future. I have had, in certain periods of my life, serious poor judgment about fashion. Actually, everything to do with me and fashion is serious poor judgment. Not garish and obnoxious like the tools on this site, but I have made some questionable decisions. So I might as well embrace my inner douche and run with it. Saves energy arguing relatively meaningless points.

Incidentally, if you are completely and totally sure you're not a douchebag, then you are definitely a douchebag. Mr. White can write out that equation, but I bet the math will back me up on this.

I will probably never be a regular here, I mostly just lurk and read the comments threads. I like this site because I get an unfiltered look at what we, particularly as Americans, really value. It's like learning about your neighbor by digging through their trash. We get the lowest common denominator, and a real clear sense of the casino culture we've come to live in. So we can kind of see where the line is, and hopefully know where we can steer ourselves to avoid the ultimate fate of these assclowns.

So by mocking the douche, we in fact mock ourselves. Which is fun, and kind of educational.

I shall quit pontificating now.
 

Looks like Sweet D is settling for some very, very rotten D.
 

It has come to my attention that Massengil and Summer's Eve are bringing legal action against "Mike" for defaming their product.
 

Pardon me, but I speak jive, let me interpret:

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy & wise...Golly"
 

ya i love how rich douchebag white boys think they relate to rap cause shitty rap is about cars etc. hes like yea whatchu know bout mercedes with automatic doors?
well i dont know shit cause i grew up poor douchebag. i like REAL rap, about REAL shit. not just rattling off how many cars u got and what brand clothes you prefer on your dressed up stripper.

FUCK THE SUBURBS MOTHAFUCKA
 

agree with newbag, this does look like a husband/wife pose. however, this girl looks to me more like heidi montag than paris hilton.
 

agree with newbag, this does look like a husband/wife pose. however, this girl looks to me more like heidi montag than paris hilton.
 

I agree with Lillie 126%. I too am a fan of REAL rap where they talk about REAL ghetto shit, like walking into a KFC and ordering a small fries and Big Mac. That's illin' yo!
 

Lillie:

I too like REAL rap, where they talk about lying around watching TV all day, looking to siphon some gas out of your neighbors car, or stealing food from WalMart cause the damn govmint cut off your food stamps.

KEEPIN' IT REAL YO
 

She's a cutie pie.

He's a steaming pile of trashy shit.
 

I knew a guy named Mike once. And you Suburban Gangsta 4 Eva Mike, are no Mike.

You are however, a sorry son of a bitch. Because as we all know, Mike had no father in his life. Growing up he needed guidance, a strong example to follow, someone to help him form his identify. But dad bailed before he was even born, and mom worked long hours every day to make ends meet at the 4 Eva house. She was always too tired to play ball with Mike, to set up the Hot Wheels track, or to explain why he had those sticky night time happenings.

No, Mike had to figure it out for himself. First he does what every little kid would do and just starts copying what he sees, especially things that get attention. If he's learned anything sans Father, it's that the squeeky scrote gets the grease. So he copies the worst kids in class. Then he copies the worst things he sees on tv, which with mom working so much is basically anything he wants to watch. Then, with the proper foundation set, and without even knowing it he finds his true identity among those other lost souls with no heros to follow: rappers, gangstas, and 75% of the welfare class. Now he can justify not only the look, the bad grades, and the lack of opportunities, but also the attitude. These guys didn't have dads and look where they are today. They made it. They got the money, the bling, the bleeth, the wheels, everything. If they can do it so can I!

But Mike knows he'll never have any of that because, well because he's Mike. But he can do the next best thing, something he was doing as far back as he can remember and that's pretend. If he pretends hard enough to be his gangsta idols, then it's easier to pretend that his life doesn't really suck, that he has a future outside the trailer park.

Pretend away, Suburban Gangsta 4 Eva Mike. Because in actuality you've succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. You are exactly like the douchebags and losers that you worship. You are a soulless, talentless, futureless, society-shredding blight on humanity.

Thanks a lot Mr 4 Eva Sr. We all wish you'd stuck around. If you were here, I'd be next in line behind Mike to kick his f*cking ass.
 

Capt BD 8:53 FTMFW

This guy has all the classic pinched facial features of a suburbanite blue blood. The sensible, bland decor of the middle-class home behind them, and Lovely Wife Kathy's(tm) Christmas tree affirms.

I'm not even close to gangster and I'm more gangster than this turd. The mayor of my original hometown is a convicted felon. Beat that, Lil' Mike.
 

Mike,

Just to let you know, I shit in your trash.
 

Douchebag Mike I offer this little ditty for you:

Life it seems to fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

I suggest you take these lyrics to heart.
 

The politics of douching;

The politics of feeling poo.
 

Wow Metallica lyrics that will make ya feel old since they haven't put out a good record in 20 years. Lil Who? Everyone knows Brotha Lynch Hung, MF DOOM and Kool Keith are the kings of rap.
 

Someone please pass me the Clear Eyes, mine are an odd shade of red having just looked at this photo.
 

I have known many Mikes, not one is a true douche. At least no Mike that actually had Mike as a first name. I knew a Mike that didn't honor his name of Mike and went by his middle name, DOUCHE. Granted not this level of douche but was only a star tat away from it.
 

the expression on labiaskin´s face says to me, "if it had a thought, it would hurt like hell"
 

His face is...strangely meaty. And really, I am white am white as the driven snow, but I too enjoy rap and hip hop, but at least I have the sense not to emblazon lil wayne lyrics on my face book.

"West coast shit nigga
Overdosage - imperial pistols ferocious"
 

yo Douchebag Mike i'mma let you finish, but... wait, i can't think of a white rapper wannabe who is douchier than you.

whoa i think this is the first time i've ever used a Kanye joke.
 

Noting the picture:

"Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad! Love, Brianna

P.S. How's Dad's heart?"



This is what happens when you name your daughter Brianna.
 

@ Steve L at 9:49PM

"wait, i can't think of a white rapper wannabe who is douchier than you."

My friend, you forget about Brian Austin Green.
 

Strictly fish scale

wtf does this even mean?!?