Criss draws a nice crowd to his desert concerts.
 

being musically associated with Vince Neil should be auto-death sentence... and Godsmack just keeps getting worse...
 

If you're masochistic, check out the "making of" video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN2FW2P4jqo

Includes Chriss "singing" into a presumably-unplugged microphone.
 

Biblical scholars often speculate that a special place in hell has been reserved for Mr. Angel, "The Seventh Cock Ring of Scrote."
 

Who is that fat faggot with the megaphone?

And what a shitty "song"!

The only good parts of this are the brief shots of boobies.
 

I had to listen to Scarlett Johanssen yesterday talking about how "creative people" need multiple outlets for their talent, interspersed with samples of her God-awful "singing".

At least she's actually good-looking. Criss Angel just makes me want to take a dump on his face, one loaf per genre that he defiles.

I refuse to even listen to the YouTube clip.
 

Godsmack started out pretty low, but it's nice to see them scrape the bottom, puncture through it, then keep digging down. I went from annoyed indifference to outright contempt when the band was interviewed after Layne Staley's death. They asked them how they felt about it, given AIC's obvious influence (i.e., given that Godsmack was a shitty AIC cover band) on their music, to which one of them responded that AIC wasn't really that much of an influence on them. Yeah, EXCEPT THAT YOU NAMED YOUR BAND AFTER ONE OF THEIR SONGS, ASSHOLES!

Now I'm going to go run over some little kids playing in the street.
 

What happened to the days when magicians were freakin' unruly gods of thunder? Now, there just douche bags. What happened to The Amazing Jonathan, Penn and Teller not putting up with bullsh*t, and that dude from Nightcourt, Harry Anderson? Criss Angel is the pulsating zit that rests, heaving upon the overly cottage cheese resembling butt cheek of Rosie O'Donnell. His show is nothing but one pat on the back after another while he rehashes old magic tricks in this "street magic" genre. Someone in the industry with some real nads needs to step up and pummel Blaine and Angel to death or saw them in half with using slights. How long world? How long are going to allow Criss Angel to continually use smoke and mirrors to convince us that he is a no talent hack that shouldn't be doing birthdays for 12 year olds yet alone invading every home in America.

I hate pea soup.
 

As one who rides a Harley, I'm offended that this clown used motorcycles as a backdrop for this sorry exhibition.
Bikers are often unfairly cast as douchebags. Nothing could be further from the truth. Only a very small number of bikers are douchebags (I'd say no more than 98%.)



Q: How does one differentiate a Harley from a vacuum cleaner?

A: With a vacuum cleaner, the dirtbag is on the inside.
 

God he sucks at life.
 

When the "song" first started, I thought "why imitate Godsmack?"; then I thought "Godsmack should sue".

Then I saw Sully Erna. Now I'm suing him.

That's Nuno Bettencourt's guitar you hear. What a waste.

They should rename the band "GodAwful".
 

Yucky. Very Yucky.

~Justin
 

I'm sure there are plenty more art forms out there that Chris (because that's how you fucking spell it) will sully with his scrotal slime. Yes, painting is the next obvious move, and I'm sure it will happen very soon. But why stop there? Sculpture, ceramics, crochet, knitting, macrame...

Mr. White called it. This is a bad rip off band of a bad rip off band of a band that wasn't that good to begin with. Seriously, "mind freak?" Normally we could all just snidely comment on how X douche needs a smack, or whatever. But this level of societal donkey porn is just way too much. This turd-wipe is a prime candidate for head explodey.
 

Garbage
 

One night in 1991 my and one of my roommates got drunk, REAL drunk, and got in a fight. I threw him through the thin ass 3/8" sheet rock wall; he luckily went headfirst between the studs; his head poked through into my room.

I ran into my room, saw his powder-whitened head, and we all fell down laughing, unable to fight anymore.

So we walk across the street to the legendary old Jackson beer joint "W.C.Don's" (it stands for "We Couldn't Decide On a Name) to catch the band; Flock of Seagulls were supposed to show up and our plan was to pelt them with cue balls from the pool table. They failed to appear, so the owner asked me and my roomie to play; we staggered back across the road, fetched my guitar, his bass, our amps and pedals and Yamaha drum machine; they snaked us into the house soundsystem and we threw down drunk sloppy jams while the bartender kept us with cold Milwaukee's Beasts beside us. I got so drunk I fell off the stage twice, cracked my hollowbody guitar, and had to sit down on my combo amp to play because I couldn't stand. Some dude jumped up on stage and started scatting crazy ass lyrics; at one point he was singing "Freebird" over our half-assed attempt on the "For Whom the Bell Tolls" riff.

Ironically someone threw a cue ball from the pool table and clocked me in the skull. Smooth white Justice.

Someone yelled out between songs (beers) asking what the "band" name was; I blurted out Septic Frog. I went to piss later and someone had scrawled "Septic Frog Sux" across the plywood wall.

Anyway, I share this for two reasons:

1. We still managed to draw a bigger crowd than Criss Angel's band, and

2. I was hung over the next day (151 rum, Taaka red, beers) about as horridly as I am today. This video was the last thing I needed to see.

Now if you all will excuse me, I shall now puke in my left shoe.
 

The bloated corpse of Vince Neil. Strike one.

Godsmack. Strike two.


Criss Angel. Strike three.

Bikes and boobs shalt not save thee, my wrath shall rain from the skies with a fury that would make the Old Testament God say, "Daaaaamn, Baby Gurl!" The deserts sands will swim in a sea of boiling blood, the rocks shall echo with the screams of the Douche as I dispatch with each and every one in the most brutal manner in which I am capable.

I just got a 95% on a Zombie survival quiz. If I can handle teeming hordes of flesh-eating undead, surely I can manage teeming hordes of AXE-reeking stoner nitwits. It's Sunday. I'm ready for some good ol' slash-and-burn societal cleansing.
 

Every time I see Kris Angel, aka Mung Freak, I am reminded of the days of David Copperfield, the Hasslehoff of Magic.

Copperfield was a douche. Plain and simple. But at least I could stand the sight of him, his act wasn't entirely consumed by misplaced egotism.

Plus, homeboy had some killer hair. And by killer, I mean Monkey Greased.



Come to think of it, every "famous" magician of my lifetime has been a complete douche.
 

@ Sgt Scrote Stain:

Indeed; what is a magician, if not a strangely dressed guy putting forth an illusion with the hope of scoring pooty-tang?

So it is with douchebags as well.
 

One time when skipping class I was at the same small bar as Vince. This was right after he left the crue. He bought everyones drinks and gave us free tickets to his show. Overall good guy and notadouche. Nice guy in person who made fun of himself and his image.
Chris Angel is an ass.
 

Small crowd but lots of boobies
 

while i listen to music over the radio every day, i can't remember the last time i actually approved of a music video.

the music video industry is like the gold plated toilet of Hollowood.

ha! HOLLOWOOD! now THAT was one music video that i approve of (see if you get the reference).
 

He should be into hip hop with the other douches.
 

I'm with "Lesbian Thermos" Ernie Tubesock on this one.

Magicians used to be fucking wizards, Merlinesque demi-gods, and completely "bad ass" if you will. These larger than life figures would perform feats of unimaginable kickassery and then disappear in a cloud of smoke and lightning leaving the audience on the verge of orgasmic completion, sweaty and lusting for more...

...their mysterious personas preceded them wherever they went. Little was known about these awesome beings. Until now.

If you are a magician, just be as impressive and magnificently prodigious and incredible at what you do...and please no matter how hard we try to convince you to tell us how it is done, never ever reveal the prestige to us, just smile and disappear leaving us wondering whether or not you truly can perform miracles.

Be not like the Criss Godsmack wannabe no-talent so-called magician. He is a disgrace to magic and to the name wizard, and should have his anal cavity pimp slapped with a +10 mace.
 

I wish Joe Thornton would show up and smack these bitches down! Especially the asshole in the Sharks jersey. You're sullying the NHL you loser!
 

Magicians are losers, I prefer legitimate performers like mimes.
 

OK, I watched it, for some reason. Wow, is that bad.

Is that Gene Simmons' kid on guitar?
 

@'Sock -

I went to piss later and someone had scrawled "Septic Frog Sux" across the plywood wall.

Opening night and you already had a steady "hater" - triumph!

Next time, call yourselves "The Septic Gulf Frogs." People will get behind the regional name.

Oh what the hell do I know? Some Verizon Wireless commercial douche stole my name, dropped the 'h,' and makes crappy music with it.....
 

Oh, oh, I look just like Penial Implant, uh, oh and a Merry Toilet Whore...
 

Layne Staley just woke up, crawled out of his grave, overdosed on heroine, and killed himself again.
 

@ JCVD 12:30

I third the motion.

Magician: ur doin it rite

Magician: ur doin it rong
 

This video only proves my long-standing theory that, if you have a custom-made "Art" mic stand, you automatically suck.

My other theory is that David Copperfield originated the genre of shitty douchebag magic, paving the way for ass-clowns such as Criss "Chris" Angel.
 

My thoughts while watching this:

Vince Neil got fat again...

Angel sounds a lot like Godsmack...

I bet he bent that mic stand with his mind...

Wait, the singer from Godsmack is in the crowd...

What was the purpose of this? To prove that Criss can successfully lip sync on top of a parking structure? Kudos, Criss. Way to rock the shit out of parking section 12H, don't forget to display your ticket on your dash.
 

Have you ever seen that episode of Tales from the Crypt where the dude inherits nine lives from a cat and uses said lives to kill himself over and over in order to make money? Well, he performs various death stunts and tops it all off with the buried alive trick. As he lies there in his grave, he recounts all seven of his deaths and suddenly realizes that the cat had died once before he inherited the ability from it. There he lies in a pit of no return with his oxygen slowly vacating from ninth and final life, so he screams in total despair in hopes of arousing the ears of a passerby. Well, I wish that on Chris Angel.
 

It's called "Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone" and has Joe Pantoliano.
 

I hate sweat pants.
 

Yeah I have to say this is like making douche even douchier. So Kris looks very much in his element. If rock isn't dead, it needs to be put out of its misery.
 

E’stato un tempo il mondo giovane e forte,
odorante di sangue fertile,
rigoglioso di lotte, moltitudini,
splendeva pretendeva molto …
Famiglie donne incinte, sfregamenti,
facce gambe pance braccia …

Dimora della carne, riserva di calore,
sapore e familiare odore …
E’cavit di donna che crea il mondo,
veglia sui tempo lo protegge …

Contiene membro d’uomo che s’alza e spinge,
insoddisfatto poi distrugge …

Il nostro mondo adessso debole e vecchio,
puzza il sangue versato infetto …

Povert magnanima, mal aventura,
Concedi compassione ai figli tuoi …
Glorifichi la vita, e gloria sia,
Glorifichi la vita e gloria …
 

YouTube video
 

haha that fag kissed sully at the end of the vid... is the term for that a douchefag?
 

Wait...if this is a video with a bunch of spastic, "dancing" doucheclowns in a parking lot, then where the HELL is DJ Bello??? I'd rather see him than this dick stain...
 

You know, I kinda wish Pfah would stop by the comment threads every once in awhile.

hrm ... ...

RUSH SUCKS MAH BALLS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


-let's see if that'll get him over here.
 

I wouldn't mind if Qrizs Engel pulled a good old fashioned disappearing act.
 

Great. Watching that, I discovered three new ways to vomit.
 

In the real world, if what you do sucks, you go out of business (99% of the time...) That is, either your boss fires you because someone else is better, or your customers just...go away. In Hollywood and all points entertainment, however, it seems that for the past few years, if you've got a skilled promotional/marketing team behind you, a make-up wizard at your side, and a camera in front of you, then baby you are money. Talent? Who needs talent. Audiences aren't demanding talent. They want image (Image and up-skirt shots). Run through the list of "actors", "singers", and "entertainers" that aren't, but who've been force fed to us in criminal amounts. Its enough for me to put my hand in a meat grinder and make a plate of simmering Jimmy Deans for everyone. How do we fire these f*ckers when everyone thinks they're douches but still watchs them OR the next batch of reality-hack coming out the VH1 sphincter?

It's late. I gotta fly out AGAIN for another week. I got nuthin.

And by "nuthing" I mean nothing but love for y'all.
 

@ Mr. Scrotato Head

Under the general perimeters outlined by the Declaration of Independence, US citizens are legally owed the right to pummel Criss Angel with stiffened sherpa turds. Our brains, eyes, ears, and sphincters have been unmercifully taxed by the criminally aweful media syndicates without even so much as a whiff of competant representation.

Well, I cry foul.

If we didn't take it from the Lobsters backs, we sure as fuck shouldn't have to take it from the likes of a cock fondling douchebag like Criss Angel.

Therefore, I can see it as nothing but logical, that we, as the wronged party, the oppressed masses if you will, have the right to scede from Criss Angle.

And how do you scede from a cock fondling douchebag like Criss Angel?

You pelt him with fossilized Sherpa excriment. Everyone knows that.
 

I couldn't even watch the whole video. My computer automatically goes to a blank screen with the words "douche overload" - I have to give my thumb print to repower cause it knows I don't associate with garbage. Criss Angel = douchetard.
 

I hate you, Criss. As if magicians didn't get enough abuse after Gob Bluth arrived on the scene, we had to get you, you irritating bastard. Thus, I nominate you for the Hall of Douched Up Microphones. Why is it even necessary to add blades and spikes and other accoutrement to a god-danged mike-stand?

PS Come to my magical grotto and I'll show you how to really saw a bitch in half.
 

Many thanks for freeing up my constipation. Good it is!
 

I would like to see Criss Angel and Bam Margera fight to the death.

And it be a tie.
 

Fucking clowns. Making a video of your band "Playing" on top of a building: It's been done by U2 and Guns N' Roses (I'm sure there are more, but that's what I came up with off the top of my head)

I love that there's no amps or PA system present. IN other words, not only is the band lip-synching, but everyone in this shot is pretending to rock out to a live performance. Hopefully this is where Sully's side-project with Piss Angel dies a horrible death.
 

Thanks for the Italian Troy. I've gotten a little rusty since I quit studying it in college.

Does a tattoo of some Guinizzelli make you a douchebag? I hope not.
 

Criss Angel is a huge fraud.

His Magic is bullshit.

I saw it live, and he fucking sucks.

I hate that guy.
 

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
 

@ Anonymous at 7:35

It was done FIRST by the Beatles in 1969. Look up the "Get Back" sessions from Let it Be.

U2, bunch of faggy Irish posers they are, were just doing a lame imitation because Bono has no shame.

As for Criss Angel, fuck him sideways with a pitchfork.
 

Note: Criss Angel holds the mike like my wife holds my cock.
 

Hesherbag. Lame.

-Douche Douchestofferson
 

Oh Nuno, what a waste. Here's one of the greatest rock guitarists ever self-relegated to doing nothing more than keeping time.

Like the bandana of old, something that initially had use (hiding the face, keeping out the dust), then became a signal of deviant defiance, and is now a douche-dornment.

Nuno, you're my favorite, but in this video you're nothing more than a wristdana.

Here's what the man is capable of with his acoustic. swoon.

Nuno playing "Midnight Express"
 

Criss Angel is the Dane Cook of magic.

'nuff said.
 

59, bitches!
 

Criss who?
 

Sully never paid me for the bike seat I stitched up for him a few years ago. I guess he must be tight on cash. Fuck'n prick!

Chowda in NH
 

way to break a $5 on the production of said video.
 

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