If you give Douche hobo Randy a drink, he'll just follow you around.
 

de-evolution of man
 

Even after Matt chloroformed himself, he still managed to flash his favorite 'bag hand gesture, old #15.

AV
 

Hey guys, is it my turn now?......How 'bout now?......Now?.....Now?.....How 'bout now?.......Now?
 

Becky realized that her grandmother's favorite saying was a lie. Orgies aren't always fun.
 

Fuck ants, the picnic blanket has crabs.
 

Marion crouched beside his prized find, but his smile quickly soured when he discovered that this heap of roadside rubble wasn’t recyclable.
 

Gomer soon found he was going to need more than a Bud Light sixer to scrape up this pile of roadkill.
 

Becky's deepest, darkest fantasy was to dress up like a naughty schoolgirl, rest her elbow on Jabba the Hut's head, and be fondled from behind while cigarette butts, broken glass, and ancient gum were slowly ground into her ass cheeks.
 

"picnic blanket has crabs..."

heh heh.
 

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Jebediah leaned in close to give Michele--the grizzled prostitute with a heart of gold--a quick peck on the cheek. That was when he discovered that her youthful sheen was, in fact, a thick coating of Lemon Pledge.
 

Undercover agent Theodore Mulligan could barely contain his elation, as the perps he had been tracking for the last eight months, finally presented the narcotics paraphernalia he had been waiting for.
 

Famed Archeologist Augustus L. Knucklerap hunkers beside another pod of frozen victims at the base of Vesuvius.
 

Good Samaritan stops on way home from packy to give wedgie to NY Douchebag who's friends are seeking enlightenment through radioactive schnapps nips.

Werner Klemperer
 

Hubert expelled a gentle chortle as he knelt at the curb with the hopeful travellers, knowing that the bus leaving Doucheville rarely came.
 

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Dr. Elmer St. Vincent tries to encourage his narcolepsy patients to battle through their withdrawals.
 

do you guys like read cheesy grocery store romance novels all day or something? you sound like a pack of faggots saying that shit...beckys deepest darkest fantasy...GIMME A BREAK thats so pathetic. spend all day jerkin off much?
sorry to say DB1, but there really isnt ANYTHING funny about this picture. other that the cocked hat and hand gesture there is nothing douchey about thispicture. clearly, the fat kid fell down and his friends thought it was funny and posed. that girl isnt even bleethy to bad. DB1 u musta got hammed las night or something.

this pic is NOT EVEN FUNNY MILDLY. that girl is hot and its just giving all these jerkoffasauruses something to write faggy romance passages about while they jerk off to hannah monatana. FAGS.
 

Darksock and Crucial discuss post-modern architecture with Pfah's wife, when Mr. White stops by with some Miller and wonders aloud how non-Euclidean geometries might be used to inform the aesthetic of an industrial space.
 

Psychologist Otto Von Bushswill noted that each of his patients seemed to cope with their recent "kicking to the curb" rather differently.
 

@Lillie

It's still funnier than "Two and a Half Men."
 

Well, I hate to say it Mr. White @ 11:33, by your kinda hott, if what you say is true.
 

Lillie protested that this game of Twister with right hand on poo was not in the rules.
 

The line outside the Harlequin bookstore grew restless as Lillie blocked the entrance with her 8" cockk.
 

Lillie proudly displays the three favorite crabs she keeps tethered to her loins.
 

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He rolled the strawberry-flavored condom down his tumescence, moved Lillie over again and guided his engorged sex into her body.

Ryan kissed Lillie's taut nipples, rousing her passion all over again. She groaned with each inch that disappeared into the folds of her pulsing flesh. Once fully engulfed in her heat, he began to move.

Slowly.

Deliberately.

Pushing in further, deliciously, until the head of his throbbing unit pushed gently against her cervix.

And that was the precise moment that Lillie's previously hidden testes finally descended, flopping out onto the bed with a loud "PFWAP" sound and accompanied by a smell that was an unholy combination of an egg salad sandwich fart and queef.
 

The butthole sidewalk gangbang participants were dismayed when Lillie abruptly decided to take a break.
 

Lillie seemed to be a novice at this "lap dance" thing.
 

Mere seconds after this picture was snapped Frank knocked into Bobby thus completing the Douchal Domino Effect.
 

Lillie waited impatiently as her man left the soccer pitch. She was wet already, just thinking about it.

She watched as he said goodbye to his mates, exchanging the rough gestures and taunts that are so often the currency young men use to address each other. After everyone was gone, she followed him into the locker room. The public space, the taboo of it, aroused her all the more.

She found him by his locker, just as he removed his shirt. She snuck up behind him and roughly pulled off his shorts as she fell to her knees, rubbing her cheek against his sweat-soaked jock strap.

Before he could protest, she was on her feet again, pulling out his young unit and greedily stuffing it into her sex before he was even fully hard.

She pulled him down on top of her on the bench. Lillie said his name with an explosive gusto, her thighs clamping his, her fingers knotting behing his neck as her body was ravaged by a seismic pleasure.

Just then, he froze.

"What is it, Johnny?" Lillie asked.

"Um, I promised my mom I'd be waiting at the curb right after soccer practice, Mrs. McLester. If I'm late, she won't take me for an ice cream at Friendly's. Oh, and can I turn in my book report on Johnny Tremain a day late?"
 

twins take a 2 run lead in the top of the 10th! fuk the yankees!
 

Lillie's parents wanted only the best for their daughter. Unfortunately, "Lillie spat on the Harvard application and wiped her plump rear-end with the Yale admissions guide her mother had obtained for her. 'But, I love fucking strangers, Mother! It is my passion and my destiny! Take your ivy-league hogwash and shove it where the sun don't shine! I'm going to the street now, and I shan't return until my fingernails are stained orange and my butthole ache for the piss of Mr. White! Fare thee well!'"
 

I'm just happy to see Amanda back in the threads.

Lillie, go back to your LPGA match.
 

"dude...bucky wants his hat back. oh hey lillie!"
 

eagarly stuffing into my sex? you are pathetic. and funny. but not that funny. i HATE that type of writing STOP filling up the comments threads with your retard danielle steele impersonation. its getting old. and your soooo clever for making fun of me. talk abotu being threatened cause a REAL female is talking to you. im pretty sure YOUre the douchebag here.
haha
u fail
kthnxbye :)
 

The boys were all terrified that the Chicago gangbangers would come beat them to death, that is until Lillie pointed out that none of them could spell "honor student" let alone be one. Much Miller Lite followed.






And we don't read romance novels, we write them. Good money in that shit.
 

"Lillie's ability to spot a douchebag was only slightly better than her ability to spot a bad fight to pick online."

And if she thinks that my great-aunt's spaniel, sorry - that girl, is hot then her judgement in hot chicks is even worse.
 

Buddha would never again come this close to Nirvana.
 

OK so which one of you assholes is Lillie?
 

Tuesday night was trash night, so I took it out.
 

Marcus (not shown) nearly completed a strike in Human Sidewalk Bowling. Using Lillie as a ball, he was able to knock down both Frank and Jared, although only bringing Smitty to his knees.

Lillie was definitely the best ball so far, but he hated the way his fingers smelled after he gripped her finger holes.
 

And since we know you really haven't left yet, in the spirit of good old fashion competition and learninisumization, howsabout you join in the fun and fire off a funny post or two?




'Cuz what you've scrawled so far ain't funny.


Or meaningful.



or hurtful.
 

Lillie = A Regular.

But funny nonetheless. Mr. White is on a role with those Harlequin skills.

I'm getting lunch now. A box full of hot-buttered crab meat sounds good.
 

Final boarding call for the express failicopter flight to trollville. Lillie, we're waiting.
 

@mr. white

how did you know i had a lockeroom fantasy? i'm getting really hot reading all this stuff. i'd love a gang bang with you boys.
 

I think the guy laying on the ground is her collagen supplier.
 

@DarkSock (channeling Mr. White @11:33am):

How's the smell down there?
 

If you guys would kindly slow down the posts, I could maturbate furiously to each of them properly.

The on-the-go pregnancy test read "Positive" as it soaked in the picked-scab-blood-saturated urine that Lillie had supplied to her alley-way abortion surgeon. Her baby-daddy threw up a gang sign and fainted in disbelief when she decided she was going to keep it.

btw, Croosh. (12:05) Leave my retarded sister out of it. They don't make big enough boxes of nerds for her.
 

I was a horrible accident. Crucial Head lay stretched out on the pavement, crack pipe still in hand, fingers broken and mangled into a permanent gang sign. Lillie attempted twat-to-mouth resuscitation to no avail, so Mr. White shoves King Dong up her ass.

Dark Sock arrives with the Miller Lite brand AED, too late. Crucial Head is no more.
 

Unsure of the local garbage laws Lillie decided to drag the 300lb bag of turds back into the house.
 

Harmonica Fats, local Memphis blues artist stumbled out of the Blues Lounge after an exhausting two hour set, falling heavily into a couple passing by on the street.
Joe twelve-pack, being the good Samaritan he is, kneels down to offer assistance.
 

Frank lost his trendy glassless frames, but still too shitfaced to avoid stumbling over a drunken Becky Hott and Westside Wally.

Bobby said, "When you fall down, you gotta get right back on that horse," though Becky thought he was referring to Wally and not the beer he brought.
 

Yankee Larry whispers into his retarded cousin's ear, "Lillie, if you promise to let us play with your tits, me and Joe will pull you out from underneath this fat bastard."
 

Douche Buddha is down 'cause he got a whiff of something fishy from under Becky's short skirt. Now she moves in for the kill, and after that it's Miller time!
 

The whore looks like my last girlfriend. And is Douche Buddha holding a baggie full of blow?
 

Graphical depiction of descending olfactory acceptance vis-a-vis the smell of stale semen and ball sweat.
 

Frank was a melange of confusion and itching the next morning. He wasn't sure if the colony of crabs attacking his genitals came from Becky or not. He thought her explanation of, "You must have got them from the sidewalk" was a little dubious.
 

Woman collapses to the ground from the weight of a vaginal wart resembling Kevin Federline
 

The Black Eyed Peas have really let themselves go
 

Even in death, Buddha manages to throw The Shocker(TM).
 

Dad brings the beer, mom shows how proud she is of her loser sons.
 

Bubba Thomas: Street OB/GYN
 

I bet the broad in this photo smells like burned scrambled eggs.
 

This is a story she will one day talk about in an AA meeting.

If she doesn't die of syphilis first.
 

@ Cock-a-Doodle-Douche

Only when farting.
 

This was the moment that the Las Vegas arts community has waited so patiently for: the unveiling of Sean Henry's newest work: "Trainwreck."
 

Sheena didn't give a damn what the world thought; she loved her 320 pound alcoholic newborn.
 

After some more gentle encouragement and TLC, Karen eventually shat out the last of the warm Miller Lite 12 packs.
 

The three would-be muggers took the phrase "rolling a drunk" far too literally.
 

Jessica Simpson is into sidewalk gangbangs? Who'd a thought?
 

The drunken stripper in her native habitat. Once estrus has commenced, or the ritual known as "payment" has taken place, she will copulate with any and all males, regardless of species.
 

West West YO
 

The line for the last 100 Yankees playoff bleacher seats became decidedly more fun when Larry returned from relieving himself behind the dumpster in a dress and asked to be called "Lillie " from here forward.
 

Much to Chad's chagrin, he didn't know what kind of desert to bring to the "Toss Your Own Salad on the Sidewalk" sale so he just brought beer.
 

Becky helped soothe the victim while Frank prepared to perform the tracheotomy, using the straw from his drink to provide an alternate airway. Now that Bobby has the defribillator thought Frank, we'll have this guy up in no time. Otherwise we'll have to call 9-1-1 and get busted for public intoxication, and I'll never get to put the stones to Becky... dayyum, she'll think I'm a freakin hero!'.

--VS
 

after giving birth to a beluga whale, Becky & Frank shared a 12'er with their veterinarian
 

The cast parties are really getting to be out of control at Purdue University Theatre lately.
 

Blue Buddha reached Nirvana when he added the blue-kegged booby, the purple-plaid-kilted thigh-buster, and the white-capped chickadee-busser to his life birding list---a triple play in bird-dom if ever there was one!
 

Some men faint at the sight of such luscious blonde suckle thigh and boobiliciosity; some men kneel to kiss it; and others just grab a six-pack, too frustrated to either kiss it, spell it, or pronounce it.
 

Buddy's perverse wish to "die of exhaustion" has finally been achieved, and with that, he posed for the camera one last time with his faithful friends.
 

Pam soon found out that having a gangbang at a sidewalk is not comfortable and not worth the exhibitionist cred at all.
 

Douche Buddha fainted when Booby showed up at the block party without the requisite ubiquitous red cups.
 

joe's "mobile outdoor fat-guy bar" was a runaway success and he was soon reduced to plying his customers with Bud Light hurriedly bought at the nearby 7/11.
 

And with the sharp *KRAK* of Karl Rove's pistol, Lou "Dolla Bill" Kennedy fell to the ground as the last remote strand of the Kennedy bloodline was severed.
 

The Presidential Limo sped a wounded Reagan away to the nearest hospital; three days would pass before anybody remember to send an ambulance back for poor Mr. Brady.
 

But all the King's whore-sores, and all the King's men, could not put Cum-Dumpster back on top of Ken.
 

Im glad these douches are to busy scoping out this chick.

Yoink!
 

Doctors Ken, Vic and Reg promised Lillie that there would be a great surprise waiting for her after her 403 point body exam.
 

This year's drama production - Debbie Does Douches, The Musical.
 

The casting call for "the-network-that-shall-never-be-named-on-this-site" latest reality show "Does Anybody Remember Me?" almost got out of hand when Artie Lang, Jessica Simpson, some useless choad from a previous show, and Dr. Drew all showed up after getting turned down at CBS with their "The Aristocrats" sketch comedy routine.
 

u guys are so clever.

its really just shocking.

its so funny how a girl cant make an observation about how faggoty u are without everyone getting their panties all in a bundle and overreating and turning an a fellow hunter. u shoudl be happy that pretty girls also hate douchbags, and not turn on them in such a pathetic and rude way. u guys are disgusting and sorry that i noticed that none of the guys are particulatrly douchy in this pic, i dotn think ill be hunting bags anymore if i cant make a comment without everyone getting all in a huff.

you guys are VERRRY sensitive

maybe i hit a little too close to home with the danielle steele joke and saying u jerk off to hannah montana? either way, u guys are the douchebags. just like u dont have to be poor to be white trash, u dont have to be black to be a nigger, and u dont have to have a chest tat and hand gestures to be a douchebag. u just have to be shockingly disres[ectful to a nice pretty fellow bag huntress.

shame on you guys. i wish there were and other girsl here to defend me. but this is a big ol sausage fest.
 

I'm guessing you're one those sausage fest members, "Lillie." You write too much like a guy.

Why is it that every one of you lame-asses always goes with the "you're a bunch of faggots who never get laid" schtick? Is that the best you can do? How fucking pathetic. What's even more pathetic is the use of "u." Too tired to type, or are you a recent product of the public school system?

Am I right in that there's an iPhone app that lets you add a few nouns, an adjective, and three adverbs to a random insult comment generator for you to post here?

Shame on us? Hell, shame on you. If YOU can't take a little heat, you sad hypocrite, then just fuck right off.

I know I used a lot of multisyllabic words, but the dictionary can be your friend.

I'm tired of you worthless one-note posters with little creativity and a need to vent.
 

Is Lillie also Mrs. bcs?

Kinda sounds like her.

Heh.....
 

Butterface
 

Jababag looks to be sportin' a glass pipe; Donkey Douche would certainly be intrigued.
 

@Lillie,
Probably a day late and a dollar short, given that this thread is aging, but I'm with BillDouchiest. Grow some skin for Christ's sake. Crucial Head says you're a regular. If that's true, and I don't expect Cricial would lie, then nut it up. You give, you get. If you're going to leave with your panties in a wad and your tail between your legs that's your choice. You wouldn't be the first person who put him/herself out there as a target and couldn't see the response for what it was; you won't be the last.

For what it's worth, if you really do like HCwDB, and you want to keep contributing, than do it. All voices are welcome, but as you've just experienced, all posts are fair game.
 

Um, mom, I just got railed by 3 douchebags because I thought I was being cool, turns out I'm a whore
 

100!