Has anyone bothered to design an Aviator Sunglass-style bikini?
 

She has nice, shiny boobies :)

The aviator glasses? Nottadouche unless you're trying to be Maverick or Ice Man in Top Gun (I know, who WOULD BE? But we are talking about douchebags.)
 

The most frustrating job in Vegas has to be the pool man at these casino douchebaths.

Lamenting, "I had perfect pH before they started blaring this bullshit music and inviting these freaks to spill their drinks and piss and fuck knows what in my water,...
 

I have worn them while flying. Is that douchey?
 

She would make me wear glad-he-ate-her sunglasses.



what?
 

I don't think anything is really douchey all on its own. Well, Ed Hardy crap, but that's because it's created by douches for douches. Anyhow, there are things that douchebags tend to like, and that's where the problem lies. I think aviator shades have a troubling overlap, though. Depends on the size, I think. Asshats like everything to be as big, loud, and stupid as possible. So, if you go with the understated glasses that fit your face, I think you'll be alright, whatever the style.
 

Did I mention boobies?
 

I see underboob. :)

My dearest Romeo Biscotti wears aviators, which makes me cringe a little, but I have to take note of the following:

1. He's a European who is obsessed with American military and police.

2. He flew helicopters at one point.

3. He doesn't insist on wearing them during sex.
 

RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!!!
 

Him: Hi, God you're hot. Can I have my picture taken with you?
Her: Uh, sure.
Him: My name's Mike, what's you-
[CLICK!]
Her: Thanks Mark, bye.
Him: Mike, it's Mike and I'll see you later, right!?
Her: [From the end of the pool as she's walking to her friends - a quick wave and head fake to break eye contact]...
Him: I am soooooooooo getting laid tonight.


Me: Hilarious.
 

Okay, so Mrs. Head and I have this agreement. In this bond, we mutually agree to remain physically faithful to each other for the sake of our own health and the well-being of our children. That said, I have mentally cheated on numerous occasions in my Masterbate Room to images of hott’s and small farm animals. And this is okay. For it does not forsake our agreement.

However, Mrs. Head and I have also agreed that, by the grace of Samurai Scrote, I should ever be taken against my will, tethered to a radiator, and raped by a quartasian hott of the caliber of this tender morsel of mellifluous suckleness – then our agreement would not be considered breached.

Quartasian hott: please bring your unmarked EconoVan to the corner of 1st and Grand in Los Angeles at 12pm. I’ll be the one with the boner protruding from my khaki's.

Please don’t take me against my will.


Thank you.
 

Aviator shades are pretty much a ♫HIGHWAY TO THE DOUCHEBAG ZONE!♫
 

However, oversized glasses on Hott Chicks ARE inherently Bleethey.

Prized by girls with ugly mugs, they have taken over. I'm gonna go out on a limb and deem them auto-Bleeth, cuz even if the girl is not a Bleeth, she still looks like one when she dons them.
 

@ Medusa

Good eye. I'll take underboob over sideboob any day.
 

my back ups are Aviators.... geez I guess that's Bag validation?
 

Regardless of Aviator status, he is douche. Slightly restrained (and by restrained I mean drunk) douche, but douche nonetheless.

Hair + shirt + glasses + pinky + "puffin up the chest" + cheesy grin / sneer + closeness of Hott = douche. Take away shirt = still douche. Mostly 'cause I am jealous of his squeez.

Did I say that she is Hot? And by hot I mean perfect.
 

I admit it, I've worn aviators... when I was 16. In 1989.
 

Aviators are by no means AutoDouche, certainly not in the same category as the 20lb. watch or pull-on tat sleeve...but they certainly don't do much in terms of de-douchification.

She has the most perfect mouthful-sized breasts in the Western World. I would have no choice but to inhale them whole.

Assuming Ms. Asian Perfection is around 5'1", that would make him, what, 5'3"?
 

I wear an aviator urinal; should I be concerned?
 

I agreew ith Db1 and Mike above.

I've also been wondering about the state of tattoos as to whether they're auto-douche (certainly they can't/shouldn't be)and how to flush out what is and is not douchey ink.

you wouldn't know if from my avatar or Samurai Scrote "costume" but both my arms are half-sleeved like medusa's...

Army of Douche-ness
 

bats sleep up Plinky's mom's ass
 

Paid to Pose or not, this girl is a first-ballot Hall of Hott candidate in my book.
 

So does Plinky.

Shouldn't his sentence be served by now?
 

Yeah, she's cute, so okay.

Bats wear aviator glasses when flying. Does that make them douchey? Or just batty?
 

I believe Plinky takes six months off to work on his material, then shows up here and delivers for six months before another self-imposed sequestering.

And by sequestering, I mean taking it in the can… while he’s in the can.

Poor dude. Can’t living in Cleveland be punishment enough?
 

@ Crucial-

I live in Cleveland too. This city's desire to make its residents suffer is insatiable. Literally, a bottomless pit of malvolence to bring every one and thing it touches down with it.

It is worst than the reference to Meatloaf, technically Jim Steinman's father in "objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are."

You'd almost think that it's like the CO2/O2 cycle , except that the city survives off of pulling all the positivity from its citizens.

Army of Douche-ness
 

@Army,

My condolences. All I can say is: watch your back. First Cleveland gobbled up Plinky, then it got BCS...

Might I suggest wearing your Samurai Scrote costume 24/7 as a weapon of intimidation?

Just a thought.

Because I care. We ALL care. We're all in this together.
 

I thought Cleveland rocked?
 

Crucial 9:38

Excellent. I'm wondering if you might act as marriage counselor, as my wife and I are working on a similar agreement.
My proposal is this: Sex outside the marriage would be strictly forbidden except for one or more of the following contingencies:
1. A chance meeting with a lonley, divorced woman.
2. A reunion with one of my ex-girlfriends.
3. Extreme intoxication
4. Days ending in the letter "Y"

Being rather stubborn, my wife is reluctant to agree to this arangement.
Any help from you would be much appreciated.
 

And speaking of praying; let us all bow our knees and pray for the safety of our beloved bag huntress HyperSexualGirl, who is currently enveloped in the perilous dustbowl of Sydney. We need a return to our normal fix of Half-Nekkid-Thursday soon… the tremors in my hands need to a good satiation.
 

With adouchraments, isn't it all about getting the most attention? Some folks get tattoos to commemorate some special something in their empty lives. Douches get tattoos because other douches got tattoos so they have to get tattoos that are even more douchey for them to stand out in the douchepit. The first Ed Hardy shirt probably had just one itty-bitty "EH" right up by the collar. Then douches started wearing it with the intent of standing out from the crowd and before you knew it num-f*cks were walking around like retarded human Etch-a-Sketches.

Which brings me to aviator glasses. Most dudes wear sunglasses to look down ladies's (ladies'...ladieses...?) shirts. That's what I do; that's what my dad did; that's what my boys will do. So I wear sensible, impact resistant sunglasses. But Aviator sunglasses, as they get bigger and bigger, scream LOOK AT THESE SUNGLASSES ON MY FACE! I don't want a hot woman looking at me while I'm eyef*cking her boobies or staring at the ol' cameltoe. If she's paying attention she'll figure me out and its another kick in the taut nutsack.

But Douchebags want to be looked at, they want the attention (maybe because they're too 'roided out to care much for peeking at boobies, I don't know) and so the bigger the better. I won't go so far as to say 'autodouche' with aviators, but wear them at your own risk. And if the light reflecting off your lenses inspires an impromptu disco party, you may just be over the line.
 

This post has been removed by Samurai Scrote.
 

@Scrotum Pole,

You may also want to include any woman within 6 degrees of separation from Mathew Stafford.


Just a thought.
 

@ Scrotum Pole 10:39

As an experienced labor contract negotiator I can make one important suggestion. If those are the contingencies you want, you have to ask for a helluvalot more. So you set up your contingencies as such:

1. A chance meeting with a lonley, divorced woman.
2. A reunion with one of my ex-girlfriends.
3. Extreme intoxication
4. Days ending in the letter "Y"
5. My penis gets that "puffy" feeling
6. You aren't around and one of our neighbors and/or your sister is
7. A commericial comes on the tv for one of those men's products
8. I get a cramp in my fwapper
9. The sun is up if its a weekday, and also down if its a weekend

You won't get all of these, but you'll get some. And make sure that you act very upset that you aren't getting everything you want but that, if there's no alternative, you'll take what you can get.

Best of luck to you. Solidarity brother.
 

Scrotato,
I thought I was aiming high, I was willing to scrap 1-3 as long as she agreed to #4
 

The worst part about this is that is was taken by some sort of professional photographer. No novice knows how to use flash during the day or hold the camera off axis for tension.

What purpose could this possibly serve? Somebody actually made money from this arrangement.
 

Crucial,
Your 9:38 post caused rare laughter in my modest, stuffy rather conservative office.
 

What about Aviator playing cards?
 

@Crucial Head 9:38

"...tender morsel of mellifluous suckleness..."

FTW.

I hope Plinky's cell mate doesn't ready that or it will be a long night for our fellow sequestered baghunter.
 

...er "read". Stupid spellchecker...
 

Speaking of Crabs McGee (OK, nobody was talking about him here, but still):

CRABS MCGEE is THE OTHER OOMPA PROMPA!!!!!

... as in, not Fung but the other one.

Someone please either tell me I'm wrong or shoot me.
 

two things i rarely say

1 this picture of a douchebag is a sight for sore eyes, i often say the hots are a sight for sore loins but i digress..

2 i wouldn't mind being in cleveland right now

ok here is the explaination, we have the g20 going on in my fair city right now, i just bought gas at the big-name oil company fillin station and inside where douchebags sans hot chicks, not just any douches mind you, but trust funded-protestor douches, there as i had conversation time in line(they were screwing with the usual flow of customers at a steady beat) they were protesting the evils of capitalism in some arcane off shoot, in a neighborhood, far from the world leaders where only locals and media scavengers might be.

so they are in this retail front for big oil, buying bottled water with some of the trust funds that permits them to have higher evolved principles than guys like me who just needed, gas and some lung cancer, on their way to shout down with capitalism...

look whatever you may think of whatever flavors of capitalism exist in the world, protesting it with a trust fund, bottled water and intersecting the two at a big oil depot while having the nerve to be smugly superior, is 100% douchebag that makes most on this site mild by comparison.

so yeah this douche's picture is a vacation compared to the douche zombie plague enveloping pittburgh right now.

and it comes with a side of wet boob...that is a helluva deal if i do say so in my inferior capitalist by proxy way.
 

@euripdouche

Pittsburgh denizen, eh? I grew up about an hour north of there.

@anyone

I haven't seen it addressed yet, so I have to ask: What in the unholy hell is going on with Quartasian's right boob? Why is it two different colors? Did she try to stretch a condom over it? Have they started making the inside AND outside of boobs out of silicone?

Seriously, help me out. I'm scared.
 

It looks like the surgeon forgot to pull the skin back over the implant.

B-B-B-Bag To The Bone
 

I bought a pair of aviators a few weeks ago when I forgot the free plastic shades I usually wear. They were the cheapest ones where I was and the sun was shining its rays down with ferocity. They fit me properly so I went with them. I was also wondering about this issue of whether or not they're douchey. But really, when it comes down to it, I don't fuccen care. I keep my inner 'bag in check enough to be able to break a rule here and there.
 

@crucial 9:38- well played sir.

finally a pair of subjects i feel qualified to remark on-

the sydney dust and aviators as douchebags.

i have met many aviators themselves who are douchebags, but the sunglasses are never a clear indicator for pilots or desk jockeys alike. i don't wear them when i fly, and most pilots i know don't either.

oh, and if you want to see some dust, just come to tchad. the most intense sydney pictures show a normal part of life here.

yes, db1, your site is well loved in the desolate wastes of eastern tchad via satellite (when we have electricity, which is when the generator works AND the diesel made it to abeche.) i thank you, sir, for reminding me with aloha hotts such as this what is indeed underneath all these islamic hott candy wrappers.

i rehabilitate douches. i fly humanitarian aid to darfur refugees, and i also train hotts. i keep my sanity from the brilliant insights of the regs here. i salute you all.

i am the douche whisperer.
 

@ Army 10:08
Hey, mine is a full sleeve. Half measures availed me nothing! If I gotta do something stupid, I do it full tilt.

@ Croosh, Scrotum, Scrotato
In regards to your proposals, would a female perspective help in the negotiation prcess? I could possibly offer you a few angles that might help, knowing how the female mind works and all. I am officially the Mata Hari of the Mars-Venus dynamic.


Euripidouche @ 11:39 says: "look whatever you may think of whatever flavors of capitalism exist in the world, protesting it with a trust fund, bottled water and intersecting the two at a big oil depot while having the nerve to be smugly superior, is 100% douchebag that makes most on this site mild by comparison."

Mr. Euripidouche, I formally extend to you an invitation to join Medusa's 'Stick It To The Man' resort compound. Daily activities include organic farming, vigorous exercise and target practice on our fully equipped shooting range. Fresh, healthy meals will be served three times daily and our farm animals are a wonderful teaching tool and entertainment for the children. After bedtime for the wee ones, the adults can enjoy campfire conversation and libations, then take advantage of the plastic-lined olive oil orgy room on the west end of the compound. Bright and eager librarian hots will be provided as vessels for your offspring, all of whom will be raised douche-free in our secure and conservative environment. RSVP soon, space is limited.
 

Medusa,
The above mentioned contract with my wife will be rendered unecessary if you'll allow me to beg and plead my way into your compound.
My bags can be packed in as little as 15 minutes and I can be on my way shortly.
My wife will miss me, but once she learns how to start the lawn mower, she'll have little need for me anyway.
I am an excellent organic gardener, have my own firearms and promise to leave the farm animals alone most of the time.



Did you say something about olive oil and library hotts?
 

i dub this pic "period stain"
there's one that i want to get in and one that i want removed by a hazmat crew

-douche bagel
 

My last pair of aviators was 1978, when they were actually in fashion.
 

@ Mr. White

After much staring, ogling, and other VERY close examination (a tough job, but someone had to do it) of the bi-colored boobage in this photo, I've concluded that the lower part is sunlit, and the upper part is shadowed by her head/chin. Just to the right of the darker part, above her sternum, you can see the shadow of her hoop earring.
 

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have worn them while flying. Is that douchey?

==============================

Anon: If you were in seat 19B - Yes
 

Aviator glasses?

Two words:

David. Caruso.
 

The classic style with G-15 or Polarized lenses are fine. Anything else, autodouche.
 

@Medusa 1:15

In my experience the female perspective is all but non-existent. While my company, a mining interest in both Canada and the US, long ago emerged from the Dark Ages of all-male management, it still has a ways to be before we have women in positions of mine management. And our unions, well its hard to find women who are willing to shovel stone in spite of our best efforts and so men dominate and control all union leadership. So its shitloads of testosterone at the table with lots of chest pounding and fist slamming. But after a couple minutes I calm down and everybody gets to work.

Now, allowing me to pursue a new fantasy, I can envision a negotiation unfolding with you at the table. During the first day or so, little progress would be made and you would be frustrated by the ceaseless slapping of fists under the table by all men present, yours truly included. But once the blisters from fwapping became too painful to bear, we would settle down to negotiations.

I have to admit, that's where my fantasy resets. You at the table in a nasty state of undress, me fwapping, and repeat.

Pray tell, please enlighten how you could assist with negotiations. I fear that, whether you were on my side or the other, we'd always bargain to an impasse.

And by bargain I mean I would ply you with local brewery beer and crab stuffed mushroom caps while Coltrain played in the background and I massaged the small delicate spaces between your toes.

And by impasse I mean my proposals would pound against your counterproposals again and again and agian.
 

Actually, I met this couple while on vacation. Very nice folks. I think he works as an architect or something and she's an Ortho Lawn Care Specialist at Lowe's.
 

That's DarkSock?!?!? Wow, Mrs. Sock is a cutie!
 

I wasn't aware that aviators ever went OUT of style... oops...

anyways, that is one of the hottest hotts i have seen on here... she makes me feel funny in my uh-oh spot.
 

She's HOH material. The underboob alone will haunt my dreams for weeks.
 

Aviators are not douche or gay necessarily...especially if your logbook has over 1,000 hours (flying). A douchebag will out himself with far more distinctive field marks, if he is a 'bag.
 

Her Quartasian-ness is delish. He is a 'bag wannabe methinks. A nerdy guy who somehow is in the vicinity of some tasty ass. I mean look at him, did he try that Hardy Bag shirt on before he bought it? Those things look fckin ridiculous....meh. I guess he is one for the 'bag...for trying

Douchepac
 

this isn't a paid-to-pose hott.

this is a paid-to-EXTRACT YOUR SOUL FROM YOUR BODY WITH A TUNNEL BORING MACHINE AND SUBJECT YOUR SOUL TO AN ETERNITY OF PAINFUL LONGING hott.

who would pay for that? i don't know.

actually, yes i do know at least one person who would pay for such torment. it may or may not include me. i'm not telling you.
 

@ Mr. Scrotato Head 5:36 PM,

someone from my ironworker apprenticeship class is engaged to a chick who is a manager at a mining company. i haven't met her before, but it is said she often gets lewd stares from old men. which means that her fiance is most likely one lucky bastard.
 

@Steve^

Sounds like he is, and good on that company for hiring/promoting a woman to run a plant. We have a couple female production managers, and one is in training to become a plant manager, but that won't be for a while. Most of the women in our company are in engineering, finance, HR, and legal. We have over 900 miners in our company across about 20 locations, and maybe 15 are women. I'm right in the middle of re-training all employees on harassment if you can believe it. Our employees are decent folks but it's a hard, demanding job and as you'd expect, you don't find mines near cultural hubs in the US or Canada. I suspect that after 12 hours underground its just as likely the miners would stare lewdly at Rosie O'Donnell or Diane Feinstein. No disrespect to your classmate's fiance I'm sure she's very attractive [note = pictures please!]. Hopefully the stress doesn't age her prematurely.
 

Umm look at Honey Sweetcheeks she is fuckin' swank.
 

Notice the shiny boob?

That's my jizz!