A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
 

Nice pornstache, Morty!
 

"yeah baby - jus smile and I'll introduce ya to my uncle Richard. Yo. He's so famous it's SICK yo. He even has a website in his honah. This thing is fuckin sick yo. It talks about how the Grieco affects hot chicks. Yah baby - if you're lucky I'll infect you later in the back."

*sigh*
 

They look like a very well-matched couple.

He's a brain-dead meathead, but nottadouche. She is a brain-dead Jerz skank, but nottahott.
 

I would let this girl and Fran Drescher make me the meat in a hott sandwich.
 

Stamp on her forehead, "IB6"
Stamp on his forehead, "UB9"

Neither one has redeeming qualities except for: f*g each other.
 

Pfah wins with first post. Here's hoping that the chick has one of those scars across her throat lest she be too Drescher-like.
 

I think she's superhot.
 

I would inject ice cold Jägermeister into my bladder via a 7" needle just so I could pee it all into her butt.
 

People sez I was stugatz fer goin' out wit Big Mike's ex-girlfriend 'cuzza he's da jeluzz type but her sticchiu iz like eetin' da perfect gagootz an' she really goes nutz on my sauzeeeg ....


... so fugeddaboudit. Vaffanculo!
 

"So, a beaterbag walks into a club....."
 

She could prbable do better for herself by doing several deep knee bends over a pile of carrots.

The trainwreck she is being assulated by probably suffers from an inverted penis due to quantity of roids added to his dick flavored coco-puff breakfast.
 

I honestly don't see what's so douchey about this guy. He's even giving a dorky smile.

No smoochy face or hand gesture.

No name brands.

No bleached tips.

No excessive jewelry.

No retarded belt buckle.
 

@Douchel Foucault...

1. waxed eyebrows

2. wifebeater

3. fauxhawk

4. tucked-in the wifebeater

5. lame watch

6. with a semi-hott girl


need anything else? welcome to the party.
 

I would agree. Outside of the too-long guido necklce and eerie resemblane to Jean Claude vanDamme, I'm attempting to find the douchey. Is that a highlight mohawk into his hair? That might be the kicker...
Outside of that he might just be a dude 5 years outside of having been a frat-bag, and now just trying to get by with a wonk smile.
 

Likely more a dick than a douche.
 

Hott's blocking the bling - if it's an unearned dogtag, that adds to the choadiness.
 

Looks like a generally normal guy to me..

This site use to make fun of legitimate douche bags (mainly guidos).

But lately, it seems now the site just attacks any normal looking guy with a hot girl. (A place where nerds who wish they could get hot girls make fun of the alpha males who do get them.)

If you use some of your precious computer time to hit the gym, or just work on your game a bit, you may have some better luck with the ladies too :)
 

you're a funny guy Mike.
 

@Mike

If we're nerds spending precious computer time attacking alpha males, what does spending precious computer time attacking nerds who attack alpha males make you?

Ans: Asshat.
 

After George Clooney's facelift went awry he celebrated by donning a skunkskin helmet and having Heather stuff cumquats up his ass 'till they reached the back of his throat.
 

I agree with Douchel Foucault. The potential for douchiness is there, but Morty here isn't even stage 1 at this point. Sure, the 'beater makes him a putz, but I say nottadouche for now.

Her laugh probably makes baby Jesus cry, but I wouldn't kick Mitzy out of bed for eating crackers.
 

Agreed Pfah, this guy more than qualifies. Douche!
 

Now, Now. Im not trying to make fun of you guys are anything.

Random pictures of semi-normal looking guys with hot girls isn't ground breaking hilarity. Post pictures of real douche bags with hot girls. YOU know the ones.

Don't hate just cause a guy has a little muscle!
 

He's just a lonely young man who perhaps, through no fault of his own had a strained relationship with his abusive father and his rarely home, alcaholic mother. He's trying to find the love he never received by visiting singles bars and nightclubs. He's really just a tragic figure who needs our compassion. But I still think both he and his barber should be beaten, shot and left in a shallow grave.
 

Mike, don't forget the Lord of the Rings scene tattoo. I believe I also see Jesus bling.

At least Stage One.
 

@ pfah : 11:28 AM

Not funny.
The Greek guy said that Greeks "invented sex"?
You killed it right there.

Are you Greek?

-FuzzyFugazi-
 

the hair is a perfect replica of an old leather helmet,tags.beater, irreconcilable tat. stage two
 

does he have vice grips on the nutz? i hear it's the new trend in the dirty... that's jerzy....
 

I peed in a Jitney Jungle pizza freezer once.
 

The big thing for me is the smile. He's actually smiling, and it's a *dorky* smile at that.

Half of douchness is the attitude and the character. While his clothing and hair may make subtle hints toward his being a dickhole, his benign smile makes it seem like he's probably able to have a decent conversation that doesn't involve "fresh", "ice" or "fresh ice".
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Yes, he has a smile that could easily accommodate the throbbing rhomboid manhood of the up-and-cumming male-on-male porn star SpoogeBob Square Phallus.

If you ask me why or how I know this, I will have to kill you...

… with my Squidwang.
 

all this Middle Earth referencing has inspired a new mission in my life:

the next time i go to a club, i will go up to the hottest chick and tell her, "baby, my passion for you burns hotter than the fires of Mount Doom."

and after she is done humiliating me, i will, of course, buy a bottle of 150+ proof rum to congratulate myself on my sheer principle and determination.

oh and if there happens to be a guy named Mike at the bar who tells me i should "get in shape" or "work on [my] game,", i will also tie him up his hands and feet with tie wire.
 

i'm still wondering about the set of legs in the driver's seat. and of course the fact that they are all sitting around in a parked car. and i bet that girls greasy ass is hell on cloth interior.
 

@Steve L., 1:42 a.m. -

Ask her if she'd like to see "the sword that was broken."

Of course, she might think you're John Bobbitt - scratch that idea.
 

who needs muscles and waxed eyebrows to get chicks? the chloroform rag and sock-full-o-nickles has done me well for years!