Monday, June 22, 2009
HCwDB of the Month
Here it is. The Monthly.
The point at which the last four hottie/douchey Weekly Winners must now compete for a coveted slot in the HCwDB of the Year at the annual Douchie Awards in December. This is where you vote. You pic. You smack that pud.
I turn the court over to you, and humbly present the Final Four. Here are your finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Guido Buttchinsky and Tonya
Words that rhyme with "orange" include:
1. shmorange
2. Chlorange
3. Gorgonrange
4. Jerz Guid
A triple A/X play (belt, shirt, headband) sends Mr. Buttchinsky from the merely douchey into the scrotally sublime.
Tonya and her Big Gulp are everyday girl next door cute. Tonya's friend/mom has furry coat.
Together they not only sandwich the Orange, but the background lighting actually is orange.
That alone renders this pic worth all of our collective meditation on.
But the coupling itself is weak. Is the Guido/Tonya cohabit rankling enough to win the Monthly? We shall see.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: E-Blo and Assorted Lady Friends
Lets remember the legendary run. Pics 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.
I used to believe that a true HCwDB pic should stand on its own as a singular piece of scrotal art. But I now allow for a body of work to influence a larger ascendance. And by body of work, I mean receding hair gelled forward.
Each pic of the Electric Blight Orchestra helped further complete this comprehensive portrait of blank.
This canvass of null.
This void of noid.
E-Blo has become a legend of both female grope and vacant, nihilist stare of a future of bleakness and human decline.
But what of Britney? She is sweet and wholesome, but also awkward.
And what of the green Gatorade? Will it be drank?
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Lumpy
I've made an executive decision to swap out HCwDB winner Tudo with Lumpy, who was the close runner-up to Guido Buttchinksy and deserves his own shot in the Monthly.
Something about Tudo's pro-Vegas genericism just seemed wrong. So I made the decision to bring back the uberhottitude of Steph.
And the increasingly greasingly Lumpy.
lets not forget the Lumpster's run with blonde hott and Ass Pear here and here.
Lumpy Ass Pear alone might qualify for a 2009 Douchie Award for its artistic composition.
Besides. I needed to look at Steph again. Judge me if you must. But she tingles my nethers and enhances my coital potential.
Lumpy is regular guy real-world douchitude. And Steph is the hottest of the four hotts. Can she carry his Lumpiness to an upset here in the Monthly?
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Krackenbag and Candice (Candace)
The Krackenbag, long an anonymous uber-douche in the shadow of the legendary Joey Porsche, now steps out and claims his own Weekly.
Check the checklist:
1. Chest shavey reveal
2. Chinstrap
3. Gelled up Long Island Blowout
4. Punchable douche-face
But is Candice aka Candace enough on the hott scale?
Her understated boobs and come-hither stare all suggest a hottness well worth celebrating.
But, as with every great HCwDB pic, the question is the cohabitation. The hottie/douchey dialectics.
Which of these four pics brings enough schroad-kill and boob-hott to create a toxic wrongness that rises to the top (bottom) to win (lose) the prize?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
The point at which the last four hottie/douchey Weekly Winners must now compete for a coveted slot in the HCwDB of the Year at the annual Douchie Awards in December. This is where you vote. You pic. You smack that pud.
I turn the court over to you, and humbly present the Final Four. Here are your finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Guido Buttchinsky and Tonya
Words that rhyme with "orange" include:
1. shmorange
2. Chlorange
3. Gorgonrange
4. Jerz Guid
A triple A/X play (belt, shirt, headband) sends Mr. Buttchinsky from the merely douchey into the scrotally sublime.
Tonya and her Big Gulp are everyday girl next door cute. Tonya's friend/mom has furry coat.
Together they not only sandwich the Orange, but the background lighting actually is orange.
That alone renders this pic worth all of our collective meditation on.
But the coupling itself is weak. Is the Guido/Tonya cohabit rankling enough to win the Monthly? We shall see.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: E-Blo and Assorted Lady Friends
Lets remember the legendary run. Pics 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.
I used to believe that a true HCwDB pic should stand on its own as a singular piece of scrotal art. But I now allow for a body of work to influence a larger ascendance. And by body of work, I mean receding hair gelled forward.
Each pic of the Electric Blight Orchestra helped further complete this comprehensive portrait of blank.
This canvass of null.
This void of noid.
E-Blo has become a legend of both female grope and vacant, nihilist stare of a future of bleakness and human decline.
But what of Britney? She is sweet and wholesome, but also awkward.
And what of the green Gatorade? Will it be drank?
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Lumpy
I've made an executive decision to swap out HCwDB winner Tudo with Lumpy, who was the close runner-up to Guido Buttchinksy and deserves his own shot in the Monthly.
Something about Tudo's pro-Vegas genericism just seemed wrong. So I made the decision to bring back the uberhottitude of Steph.
And the increasingly greasingly Lumpy.
lets not forget the Lumpster's run with blonde hott and Ass Pear here and here.
Lumpy Ass Pear alone might qualify for a 2009 Douchie Award for its artistic composition.
Besides. I needed to look at Steph again. Judge me if you must. But she tingles my nethers and enhances my coital potential.
Lumpy is regular guy real-world douchitude. And Steph is the hottest of the four hotts. Can she carry his Lumpiness to an upset here in the Monthly?
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Krackenbag and Candice (Candace)
The Krackenbag, long an anonymous uber-douche in the shadow of the legendary Joey Porsche, now steps out and claims his own Weekly.
Check the checklist:
1. Chest shavey reveal
2. Chinstrap
3. Gelled up Long Island Blowout
4. Punchable douche-face
But is Candice aka Candace enough on the hott scale?
Her understated boobs and come-hither stare all suggest a hottness well worth celebrating.
But, as with every great HCwDB pic, the question is the cohabitation. The hottie/douchey dialectics.
Which of these four pics brings enough schroad-kill and boob-hott to create a toxic wrongness that rises to the top (bottom) to win (lose) the prize?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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It's not even close. E-Blo's body of work is a small set of snapshots in a glorious career. His vacant stare will haunt me for the remainder of my waking days.
He is destined for the Hall of Scrote.
He is destined for the Hall of Scrote.
# posted by 
: 7:18 AM
: 7:18 AM
I vote for E-Blow, because he thinks that 98 Degrees' "The Hardest Thing" is the greatest work of poetry of the modern age. In fact, when he hears it, he weeps.
Yeah ok Sorry I was just testing how to write a remark. I am from India and just wondering that what kind of jobs do these people do, the DBs and their women. Are they just school and college kids or what ?. I mean what will happen when thet grow up or are already adults. What kind of work can they do and how do they get money. Or are these just rich trust fund kids with no care in the world and daddy's business will be taken over by them as long as it is not to complicated to run. Or are they mainly drug dealer and other criminals etc. Just asking would be nice to know how they blend into normal socity
# posted by : 7:26 AM
: 7:26 AM
Yeah ok Sorry I was just testing how to write a remark. I am from India and just wondering that what kind of jobs do these people do, the DBs and their women. Are they just school and college kids or what ?. I mean what will happen when thet grow up or are already adults. What kind of work can they do and how do they get money. Or are these just rich trust fund kids with no care in the world and daddy's business will be taken over by them as long as it is not to complicated to run. Or are they mainly drug dealer and other criminals etc. Just asking would be nice to know how they blend into normal socity
# posted by : 7:26 AM
: 7:26 AM
To me it's definetly between E-blo and Butchinsky. Butchinsky, lighting up the night with his orange douchiosity or E-blo, staring into nothingness with all the inteligence of a light post. It was so close I had to go back and study the pics. Then it struck me. Butchinsky, himself, has the same 1000 mile stare as E-blow. How could I have missed it. So, that fact gives Butchinsky the win hands down.
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
@z
They don't "blend into" society, they pollute and udermine society.Saying that they blend in would be like saying Chernobyl added ambience to the landscape of Kiev.
They don't "blend into" society, they pollute and udermine society.Saying that they blend in would be like saying Chernobyl added ambience to the landscape of Kiev.
# posted by : 7:39 AM
: 7:39 AM
E-Blo FTW. Has anyone considered that he may be a male Real-Doll these chicks are posing with at a party? Those eyes are as empty at the void between galaxies.
# posted by : 7:40 AM
: 7:40 AM
Weak crop of bags this month. That probably means I'm too desenstized to the bags now.
Ooops. Just looked at that fucker Lumpy. He made me kick a baby down the street like a football.
Lumpy FTW.
Ooops. Just looked at that fucker Lumpy. He made me kick a baby down the street like a football.
Lumpy FTW.
I would like to see the Great Kreskin do a mind read of E-Blo; then Krackenbag.
Speaking of the terror of the blank page...
Speaking of the terror of the blank page...
I am torn between E Blo and Guido - Eblo has a terrible body of work, but guido actually makes all around him orange! Sounds like this may be the master, E Blo, versus the protege, guido. But the protege has more power...or is it limited to only the immediate surrounding area, and doesn't affect women much? Like accomplishment versus potential...
And with that, I must vote E Blo. Too much evidence to deny...but Guido will make a strong push in the future for his own HoS entry..
And with that, I must vote E Blo. Too much evidence to deny...but Guido will make a strong push in the future for his own HoS entry..
# posted by : 7:48 AM
: 7:48 AM
E-Blo FTW
E-Blo's serial killer blank look of death sucks all the other finalists into his black hole of scroatitude.
E-Blo's serial killer blank look of death sucks all the other finalists into his black hole of scroatitude.
# posted by : 7:51 AM
: 7:51 AM
I think that it comes down to E-Blo or the Krackenbag. E-Blo is the bigger douche, just by a (gelled and blown out) hair, but since Candace is way hotter than E-Blo's chicks, the douchey/hotty calculus gives higher points to the Krackenbag. Got all that?
Krackenbag for the win!
Krackenbag for the win!
# posted by : 7:51 AM
: 7:51 AM
Tonya and Mom for the win. As the sheer orangeocity of The Guid supercedes all else.
# posted by : 7:51 AM
: 7:51 AM
while eblo certainly looks like the kind of of guy that has the rearview mirror tilted so he can check out his hair, and lumpy looks like the kind of guy who can tell you why iroc's from his model year are the best, and why camaro's before and since are irocs with panties on. and woe be you fail to pick up on the significance, you will be a retard for life. worse than liking another make and model of car.
so really its the cool douche stylings of krackenbag, vs the popdouche art sensibilities of
buttchinsky...
its like the glam vs the real, style vs substance, ephemeral vs visceral...
except guido has no sense of reality,substance, and his viscera is vinegar and and water slushie served in a big gulp.
quido buttchinsky wins his is a warhollian/gus van zant/ingmar bergman nightmare of quasiurban mundanity.
7:36 AM
so really its the cool douche stylings of krackenbag, vs the popdouche art sensibilities of
buttchinsky...
its like the glam vs the real, style vs substance, ephemeral vs visceral...
except guido has no sense of reality,substance, and his viscera is vinegar and and water slushie served in a big gulp.
quido buttchinsky wins his is a warhollian/gus van zant/ingmar bergman nightmare of quasiurban mundanity.
7:36 AM
E-Blo FTW!
His vacant stare can be compared to a black hole...sucking up all traces of light and goodness in the vicinity. Krackenberg provides stiff competition with the uber-douchic stare however E-blo remains in a league of his own and takes this one WITH his shirt still on......
His vacant stare can be compared to a black hole...sucking up all traces of light and goodness in the vicinity. Krackenberg provides stiff competition with the uber-douchic stare however E-blo remains in a league of his own and takes this one WITH his shirt still on......
# posted by : 7:52 AM
: 7:52 AM
Krakenbag would be a contended if only his Hott didn't look like Marshall Flinkman from Alias.
Butchinsky is a collector's edition, and as such should be shrink-wrapped airtight until the contents turn black and grey and red. And orange.
But E-Blo has the body of work, which is a transgression sans expression.
E-Blo deserves victory for no other reason than being the first human to Botox his soul.
E-Blo for the win.
Butchinsky is a collector's edition, and as such should be shrink-wrapped airtight until the contents turn black and grey and red. And orange.
But E-Blo has the body of work, which is a transgression sans expression.
E-Blo deserves victory for no other reason than being the first human to Botox his soul.
E-Blo for the win.
Krackenbag and Candice FTW: So much work went into this moment it must be recognized. Time spent on blowout 45 minutes; sculpted eye brows, 20 minutes; chin pubes, 45 min; orange tan 1 hour; shaved chest 45 min; stupid tattoo, multiple hours; time spent in front of mirror practicing 1,000 yard stare, incalculable;
In total, the self-centered effort required for this picture is enough for the monthly in my medical opinion. And Candice has made enough back arching effort of her own to bring it all home. And by home I mean the monthly.
Dr. DB
In total, the self-centered effort required for this picture is enough for the monthly in my medical opinion. And Candice has made enough back arching effort of her own to bring it all home. And by home I mean the monthly.
Dr. DB
Guido Buttchinsky has modeled his life after Krackenbag, even has this photo of Krackenbag hanging in his room (in his moms basement). In the words of Guido, "Yo, Krackenbag is the bomb, boyzzz" He even bought is first Iroc from the Kbag. So how can we vote for the protege over the mentor?
Going with The Krackenbag and Candice for the monthly. She may not be the hottest of this month's selections but her douchebag is the douchiest.
His shirtlessness makes me want someone's nana to knit him a sweater. Whether I want it more to cover up his scrotosity or to prevent his chest grease from further infecting Candice...I am still debating. And by debating I mean thinking of her boobies.
His shirtlessness makes me want someone's nana to knit him a sweater. Whether I want it more to cover up his scrotosity or to prevent his chest grease from further infecting Candice...I am still debating. And by debating I mean thinking of her boobies.
I don't know--I just can't get any rage up for E-blo. I just...don't care. Am I dead inside? Or is it because his chicks all seem just a bit busted?
Candace is helping me get something up, though. And, as before, I would like to disembowel Krackenbag with a spork.
Krackenbag FTW.
Candace is helping me get something up, though. And, as before, I would like to disembowel Krackenbag with a spork.
Krackenbag FTW.
@ Mr. White:
Your decision makes me sad. Not because you disagree with me, but because Candace's chin is so big she'll never be able to fellate you.
She'd be able to do me though. Know whut I mean?
Your decision makes me sad. Not because you disagree with me, but because Candace's chin is so big she'll never be able to fellate you.
She'd be able to do me though. Know whut I mean?
Krackenbag FTW, simply because of the previously noted time he spent to get his "look" plus
mmmmmm, Candace. They embody all that HCwDB is about. But all four candidates shall haunt me.
mmmmmm, Candace. They embody all that HCwDB is about. But all four candidates shall haunt me.
# posted by : 8:17 AM
: 8:17 AM
Guido Buttchinsky. Because it reminds us all that even douchabgs have to go to the mall and wait for their mom to pick them up.
As has been previously iterated -- it's gotta be Lumpy, but based largely on the reason that I desperately want to see Steph again in December. Steph's cutsie, shy, fun-loving smile simply overpowers all aspects of the other competition. It was an epic failure by the members of this community not to award the duo (mainly Steph) a Weekly, a failure that may only find acquittal in a victorious Monthly.
# posted by : 8:35 AM
: 8:35 AM
Krackenbag, 'cause it takes some serious cojones to style your hair and outfit by standing near a live grenade.
# posted by : 8:37 AM
: 8:37 AM
Krakenbag because we haven't had a any Glamdouche for a while. Bearing the shoulder? Who does he think he is May West?
The million yard stare that says "ah, Rome is burning and I must go to them, but alas, I am too beautiful...and you have not yet finished painting my portrait, here, paint my shoulder, I can stand like this all day, I was good at gymnastics in gym class, what, chin a little higher, o.k.?, good, where was I, ah yes, too beautiful - just look at my hair, I did it myself, how many guys could get the highlights just right, I should show manny at the salon, I will go this weekend, on Saturday, I will get made up early, in the afternoon, and I will go and I will show Manny how good I am with my hair, and maybe have a manicure, and I need more product, and then..."
Is this guy auditioning for the cover of Book II?
Douchipus Rex
The million yard stare that says "ah, Rome is burning and I must go to them, but alas, I am too beautiful...and you have not yet finished painting my portrait, here, paint my shoulder, I can stand like this all day, I was good at gymnastics in gym class, what, chin a little higher, o.k.?, good, where was I, ah yes, too beautiful - just look at my hair, I did it myself, how many guys could get the highlights just right, I should show manny at the salon, I will go this weekend, on Saturday, I will get made up early, in the afternoon, and I will go and I will show Manny how good I am with my hair, and maybe have a manicure, and I need more product, and then..."
Is this guy auditioning for the cover of Book II?
Douchipus Rex
# posted by : 8:39 AM
: 8:39 AM
Krackenbag. Krackenbag. Krackenbag.
This man belongs on the cover of the next printing of your book. There is nothing more to say here.
This man belongs on the cover of the next printing of your book. There is nothing more to say here.
i was struggling between e-blo or krakenbag.. i think krakens hott is hotter but how can i deny the goosebump inducing blankness of e-blo?
then dark sock put me over the edge with his insight: "E-Blo deserves victory for no other reason than being the first human to Botox his soul."
too true... e-blo ftw..
then dark sock put me over the edge with his insight: "E-Blo deserves victory for no other reason than being the first human to Botox his soul."
too true... e-blo ftw..
E-Blo needs, wants and deserves this. The work that this sun creature of scrote has put in over the multitude of pics is simply dedication to his practice. The increasingly injected biceps, the billy mays inspired orange glo, the fashion acessories, (by that i mean things with long hair and a hole) etc, etc. He is an asshole. He has my vote.
Weak assortment of hotts all month long. Steph is definitely cute, but compared to previous months, these are a bunch of ogres.
So the onus falls on the douches to crown a winning pic. And no one quite makes me want to puke on a shaved chest quite like The Krackenbag, whose unzipped hoodie over a shirtless orange torso makes my sphincter pucker with rage.
So the onus falls on the douches to crown a winning pic. And no one quite makes me want to puke on a shaved chest quite like The Krackenbag, whose unzipped hoodie over a shirtless orange torso makes my sphincter pucker with rage.
# posted by : 9:09 AM
: 9:09 AM
4th place:E-blo and Britney. He IS Uber-douche, for sure, however, Britney, does nothing for me. The dichotomy is too large, too out of balance.
3rd Place: Seriously, how can anybody take this clown seriously? He looks like a future CPA, at best, and will have a generically cute wifey and two kids in a few years, maybe generically cute Tonya, who will put on 30 pounds after the two kids.Trust me on this.
2nd Place:It WAS close, no doubt, the Krackster is indeed Uber-Douche, and fancies himself a model, most likely. Candace is hott enough for this to be a well balanced pic, I just can't see enough of her to give too many points for hotness, she could be anywhere from a 8.5 to a 7, just can't tell...
1st Place: I voted for him in the weekly, and he gets my vote again. He is a 9 on my douche-scale, while Krackster and E-Blo are indeed 10's, but, then there is Steph, whom, if it is her ass-pear in the third pic, is an honest 9.5 Hott chick indeed, w/douchebag!
Lumpy and Steph, for the win
Ol'Bag
3rd Place: Seriously, how can anybody take this clown seriously? He looks like a future CPA, at best, and will have a generically cute wifey and two kids in a few years, maybe generically cute Tonya, who will put on 30 pounds after the two kids.Trust me on this.
2nd Place:It WAS close, no doubt, the Krackster is indeed Uber-Douche, and fancies himself a model, most likely. Candace is hott enough for this to be a well balanced pic, I just can't see enough of her to give too many points for hotness, she could be anywhere from a 8.5 to a 7, just can't tell...
1st Place: I voted for him in the weekly, and he gets my vote again. He is a 9 on my douche-scale, while Krackster and E-Blo are indeed 10's, but, then there is Steph, whom, if it is her ass-pear in the third pic, is an honest 9.5 Hott chick indeed, w/douchebag!
Lumpy and Steph, for the win
Ol'Bag
# posted by : 9:10 AM
: 9:10 AM
For the sheer epic determination he puts into his douchery E-Blo MUST be the winner. His is a dangerous brand- the subtle stare that infects like a male Medusa living on Long Island. Though I may not drag my balls through a mile of broken glass for a chance to touch his Hotts, E-Blo nonetheless enrages me.
E-Blo FTW
E-Blo FTW
# posted by : 9:12 AM
: 9:12 AM
Lumpy FTW!
Lumpy has the complete package as his douchiness attracts hotts by the handful. E-blo has the hotts too but he just seems to happy standing next to them. Lumpy is not content to just be there---he wants to swallow them whole.
Lumpy has the complete package as his douchiness attracts hotts by the handful. E-blo has the hotts too but he just seems to happy standing next to them. Lumpy is not content to just be there---he wants to swallow them whole.
Buttchinsky FTW.
He represents everything that HCwDB stands for. He makes me want to kick a soft, cuddly coo-ing newborn in the testicles. And for that, he must pay. And by pay, I mean be inducted into the HOS immediately. Upon seeing his picture, I said to myself, "Self... never again come within 100 yards of the Menlo park mall."
He represents everything that HCwDB stands for. He makes me want to kick a soft, cuddly coo-ing newborn in the testicles. And for that, he must pay. And by pay, I mean be inducted into the HOS immediately. Upon seeing his picture, I said to myself, "Self... never again come within 100 yards of the Menlo park mall."
# posted by : 9:14 AM
: 9:14 AM
Let's play Fuck, Marry, Kill and Douchebag with our old friend Carly Hott of the HCwDB of the Year: The Metaphysical Hooligan and Carly Hott ...
Voice over: "So Carly ? F, M, K and D ?"
Amanda: "Well, I think right away we can just kill Lumpy, I just had two drops of pee accidentally release when I saw him with that nasty tongue on long neck hott , ew
"I'd fuck E-Blo 'cause he's cute like my home room teacher that took my virginity the week of my Sweet Sixteen party. Let's just say I'm from a state where the age of consent is 16. Here's a BIG CLUE, my state starts with "A" and ends in "A". tee hee
"I'd marry The Krackenbag because he's dreamy like my bf, the Hooligan ...
"But the douchebag of the week is Guido Buttchinsky and that Tonya bitch. I saw her take a cigarette from another gal's pack when she went to the ladies room, again ew. She also finished Guido's cosmo when someone dropped a "Lee Press On Nail" in it. Then she drank that whole Big Gulp and took a 14 minute pee in the one-toilet bathroom while I waited outside, ew"
"Guido Buttchinsky FTW as his peepee is orange , too, but not from the spray tan, if you know what I mean
Voice over: "So Carly ? F, M, K and D ?"
Amanda: "Well, I think right away we can just kill Lumpy, I just had two drops of pee accidentally release when I saw him with that nasty tongue on long neck hott , ew
"I'd fuck E-Blo 'cause he's cute like my home room teacher that took my virginity the week of my Sweet Sixteen party. Let's just say I'm from a state where the age of consent is 16. Here's a BIG CLUE, my state starts with "A" and ends in "A". tee hee
"I'd marry The Krackenbag because he's dreamy like my bf, the Hooligan ...
"But the douchebag of the week is Guido Buttchinsky and that Tonya bitch. I saw her take a cigarette from another gal's pack when she went to the ladies room, again ew. She also finished Guido's cosmo when someone dropped a "Lee Press On Nail" in it. Then she drank that whole Big Gulp and took a 14 minute pee in the one-toilet bathroom while I waited outside, ew"
"Guido Buttchinsky FTW as his peepee is orange , too, but not from the spray tan, if you know what I mean
Ricky Barnes while choking at the US Open is wearing a white belt.
Anyone have a pic of his girlfriend? Perhaps he is a big douche?
Anyone have a pic of his girlfriend? Perhaps he is a big douche?
# posted by : 9:28 AM
: 9:28 AM
EBLO ftw imho. All eblo's pics are impressive to say the least but the original is pure douche entrancement. Britney is attractive and her pose is not awkward but expressive. For me her earnest stare, coupled with the submissive posture represents societies last pleading cry for salvation as eblo's red eyed and vengeful scrotal aura envelopes her soul. Eblo's vacant grimace cuts me deep and I go.. in fear....
Krackenbag sucks even more then E Blo blows.
When the Krackenbag's in town a good time is had by no one.
Krackenbag FTW.
When the Krackenbag's in town a good time is had by no one.
Krackenbag FTW.
# posted by : 9:30 AM
: 9:30 AM
Electric Blight Orchestra! It has to be.
He is a douchebag with remarkable consistency. He always brings it - a ridiculous over-gelled hair design; usually some lame hand sign; textbook DB-wear; classic DB details (man-jewelry, arm tatt, shoulder tatt, white belt, etc.) and the markofthedouche is strong with this one. Let's not forget, that somehow, this Uber-Douche always has hot Hotts in his pictures as well. All that being said, I could see how it could be up for grabs except...
...the icing on the cake that gives E-Blo the win in my mind is the absolutely consistent and obviously thought out douche-stare. You can smell the vinegar oozing from his pores. E-Blo- FTW!!
He is a douchebag with remarkable consistency. He always brings it - a ridiculous over-gelled hair design; usually some lame hand sign; textbook DB-wear; classic DB details (man-jewelry, arm tatt, shoulder tatt, white belt, etc.) and the markofthedouche is strong with this one. Let's not forget, that somehow, this Uber-Douche always has hot Hotts in his pictures as well. All that being said, I could see how it could be up for grabs except...
...the icing on the cake that gives E-Blo the win in my mind is the absolutely consistent and obviously thought out douche-stare. You can smell the vinegar oozing from his pores. E-Blo- FTW!!
# posted by : 9:33 AM
: 9:33 AM
I have a confession, I can't tell the Jerz Quid blowout assclowns apart. They're like variants of the same action figure, in every box of Jerz Quids you get one with a headband. They're all built with the same premolded parts, hell, there's probably a factory in Perth Amboy cranking these fuckers out by the thousands. Since they don't contribute to the economy in any meaningful, productive way, the Guido industry is more or less recession proof.
So Buttchinskly and Krakenbag are disqualified.
How long is this blowout thing gonna last, anyway? I mean, sweet christ it's gotta be ten years in by now and it's not slowing down.
Lumpy installs car stereos. He poses with several hotts, which means he doesn't have one hott. He just brings them back to the garage to show off his sweet rides, when the owner comes to pick them up he has to find another chick.
E-Blo, while again, poses with a bevy of slags in varying stages of Bleethdom, even though, the thought of him anywhere near a vagina makes my colon roil. This fuckstick should be quarantined, yet I get the feeling one day he's going to get the old man's carpet business and marry a stripper. Still, though old and chained to a yapping leather bag, he'll still be a raging asshole.
For that, E-Blo gets the monthly.
So Buttchinskly and Krakenbag are disqualified.
How long is this blowout thing gonna last, anyway? I mean, sweet christ it's gotta be ten years in by now and it's not slowing down.
Lumpy installs car stereos. He poses with several hotts, which means he doesn't have one hott. He just brings them back to the garage to show off his sweet rides, when the owner comes to pick them up he has to find another chick.
E-Blo, while again, poses with a bevy of slags in varying stages of Bleethdom, even though, the thought of him anywhere near a vagina makes my colon roil. This fuckstick should be quarantined, yet I get the feeling one day he's going to get the old man's carpet business and marry a stripper. Still, though old and chained to a yapping leather bag, he'll still be a raging asshole.
For that, E-Blo gets the monthly.
E-Blo can pull a wide variety of hott with the same, amazingly consistent blank look. While impressive, he does not overtake the Krackenbag for the Krackenbag does not acknowledge the camera nor hott's sweater jumblies. He just sucks. Bad.
Krackenbag FTM.
Krackenbag FTM.
# posted by : 9:42 AM
: 9:42 AM
In a great week for douchebag diversity, E-Blo gets my vote and my respect. Many a combat veteran returns home with the 1,000-yard stare that E-Blo so perfectly demonstrates in photo after photo. And like his fellow veterans, he should be honored. For E-Blo wages a tireless battle -- the never-ending war against the receding hairline. While his audacious comb-forward flanking maneuver may never be studied at West Point, he deserves our mad respeck for confronting the enemy ... male pattern baldness ... and living to tell his tale. Wear those store-bought dog tags and your little sister's shirt with pride, sir. I hope we meet one day, for it would be my honor to salute you. And by salute you, I mean kick you in the nads.
It can be none-other than E-blo.
He is destined for triumph in the monthly and a meteoric assent to the HOS.
Too bad his employment prospects aren't nearly as bright.
He is destined for triumph in the monthly and a meteoric assent to the HOS.
Too bad his employment prospects aren't nearly as bright.
# posted by : 10:07 AM
: 10:07 AM
Krackenbag is the clear winner for me. Lumpy and E-Blo only provoke indifference and Guido's over-reliance on AX props is almost endearing in its try-too-hardness
Krackenbag is the only one that gives me the proper rage every time I look at him. So he wins.
Krackenbag is the only one that gives me the proper rage every time I look at him. So he wins.
# posted by : 10:10 AM
: 10:10 AM
These are tough choices.
Working through them, I can rule out 2 and 3 as the other two push the douche/hott limit the most.
So, out of the two.. Man.
1 is the most disturbing. The orange thing really freaks me out.
I dig the girl, but the Big Gulp adds too much to the trash.
4 is also disturbing. And anyone that takes their shirt off in public other than at the beach is a douchebag chin strap or not..
His hott is hotter than either girl in photo 1. Boobies.
Gotta go with 4 FTW.
Working through them, I can rule out 2 and 3 as the other two push the douche/hott limit the most.
So, out of the two.. Man.
1 is the most disturbing. The orange thing really freaks me out.
I dig the girl, but the Big Gulp adds too much to the trash.
4 is also disturbing. And anyone that takes their shirt off in public other than at the beach is a douchebag chin strap or not..
His hott is hotter than either girl in photo 1. Boobies.
Gotta go with 4 FTW.
For his consistent evocation of a toilet bowl--it is his hairstyling aid, the echo of his porcelain expression, and the Tidi-Bowl inspiration for two overtight tees in the rotation. E-blo FTW.
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
Case for Krackenbag: Pensive "deep" stare in the distance; shirt half off over shoulder, etc.
On the other hand, E-Blo looks like some mad scientist TRIED to create a douche in a labratory...hard to argue with SCIENCE...
On the other hand, E-Blo looks like some mad scientist TRIED to create a douche in a labratory...hard to argue with SCIENCE...
E-BLO. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to the Hall of Scrote. E-BLO is a festering pustule on the ass of society and he must be popped.
I vote for Lumpy.
I know he's the underdog here, and I suppose that should be a compliment considering the nature of this contest. But... just LOOK at him. If I passed this guy on the street, my ovaries would shrivel and hide.
But Steph, ah, Steph! She is sweet, pecan pie luscious. Her collarbone gives me the tinglies. I would nestle in her cleavage and dream of caramel sundaes.
This coupling is wrong. Oh, so wrong.
I know he's the underdog here, and I suppose that should be a compliment considering the nature of this contest. But... just LOOK at him. If I passed this guy on the street, my ovaries would shrivel and hide.
But Steph, ah, Steph! She is sweet, pecan pie luscious. Her collarbone gives me the tinglies. I would nestle in her cleavage and dream of caramel sundaes.
This coupling is wrong. Oh, so wrong.
# posted by : 10:21 AM
: 10:21 AM
E-Blo by a mile. The technocolor Armani shirts, faux dog tags, ridiculous hair, orangeness, chin piercing and vacant stare.
Buttchinsky is just a generic guido. He's a low level Joey P henchman.
Lumpy is just a bastard with some nice hotts.
Krackenbag? Isn't this an old pic?
Back to the winner (loser). Looking into E-Blo's eyes is like staring into the event horizon of a douchehole. This is just a step to the HoS for him anyway.
Buttchinsky is just a generic guido. He's a low level Joey P henchman.
Lumpy is just a bastard with some nice hotts.
Krackenbag? Isn't this an old pic?
Back to the winner (loser). Looking into E-Blo's eyes is like staring into the event horizon of a douchehole. This is just a step to the HoS for him anyway.
# posted by : 10:35 AM
: 10:35 AM
@darksock
Clearly you haven't thought out the geometry of the situation. Candace can indeed fellate me. In fact, she can use her massive prow-chin to tickle my chocolate starfish during the blow job in question.
If that's not the next stage of human evolution, then I don't know what is.
Clearly you haven't thought out the geometry of the situation. Candace can indeed fellate me. In fact, she can use her massive prow-chin to tickle my chocolate starfish during the blow job in question.
If that's not the next stage of human evolution, then I don't know what is.
Lumpy has the hottest hott... but Buttchinsky has the deepest "tan". Butt chin for the win.
- Douchey Smurf
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by : 10:51 AM
: 10:51 AM
E-blo for the win!!!!!
His body of work, his uber-douchery, and his hotts all make him a lock.
His body of work, his uber-douchery, and his hotts all make him a lock.
# posted by : 10:54 AM
: 10:54 AM
You guys are voting based on hotts like Candice? Candice looks like Jay Leno's cross dressing son.
Steph is a true hott but she's not Lumpy's hott, so he shouldn't get the benefit.
To be honest, the best looking hotts the last few months have been with puds and nottadouches. Hmm, go figure. Are we seeing a change in the wind?
Steph is a true hott but she's not Lumpy's hott, so he shouldn't get the benefit.
To be honest, the best looking hotts the last few months have been with puds and nottadouches. Hmm, go figure. Are we seeing a change in the wind?
# posted by : 10:57 AM
: 10:57 AM
#1 Guido Buttchinsky, FTMonthly!
He's a classic orange pimento loaf slice, sandwiched between 2 pieces of Jerz white bred.
-Scroatian
He's a classic orange pimento loaf slice, sandwiched between 2 pieces of Jerz white bred.
-Scroatian
# posted by : 11:04 AM
: 11:04 AM
I vote for E-Blo...
... Because the Bible tells me so.
And by 'the Bible,' I mean the shotgun I have pointed at E-Blo's face.
... Because the Bible tells me so.
And by 'the Bible,' I mean the shotgun I have pointed at E-Blo's face.
Krackenbag all the way!!! The wannabe model stance made me throw up a little in my mouth.
# posted by : 11:29 AM
: 11:29 AM
E-BLO FTW, because his body of work is like the rape scene from Deliverance. It makes you want to shoot someone before gouging your eyes out.
Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
It has to be The Krackenbag and Candice (Candace). In another world we would look at this pic and think "Okay, this is a joke. Obviously they are posing like this to get a laugh." And that's the world I want to live in.
Instead we fight the douche scourge and face dickweeds like the Krackenbag. See, they are posing this way because they think they look good. He really doesn't realize how stupid he looks and she's just infected enough to think he's hot. Oh what a world!
Instead we fight the douche scourge and face dickweeds like the Krackenbag. See, they are posing this way because they think they look good. He really doesn't realize how stupid he looks and she's just infected enough to think he's hot. Oh what a world!
# posted by : 11:42 AM
: 11:42 AM
Lumpy
I no longer believe E-blo is real, I think it's a wax likeness of a douchebag that died in a ski-doo accident at lake mead. The hotts take their picture by him in memoriam of their bleeth enhanced sexual indiscretions. It's an offering if you will.
Lumpy and his kind must be stopped.
I no longer believe E-blo is real, I think it's a wax likeness of a douchebag that died in a ski-doo accident at lake mead. The hotts take their picture by him in memoriam of their bleeth enhanced sexual indiscretions. It's an offering if you will.
Lumpy and his kind must be stopped.
This is the funniest site on the net, handsdown. I was rolling at the name EBLO, when I came across #4 on Krackenbag's checklist. I snorted half eaten crunch n munch out my nose. That hurts a little bit
# posted by : 12:14 PM
: 12:14 PM
Damnit, Damnit, DAMNIT! Usually I go about it this way: I scan the photos, read DB1's assessments, and then make a gut decision. Then I peruse the comments, and my initial instinct is reinforced, or I am persuaded to make another distinct choice. In this case, I am befuddled. My decision is wavering like Sally Struthers' third chin. Some excellent points made by all voters here and it is only making my choice more difficult...
*swig of coffee*
Ahhhh, focus returns...My initial gut-rage was to go for Guido Buttchinsky. However, after further review, I think in the end my vote falls for Krakenbag. As said Dr. DB @ 7:57, an absurd amount of time went into preparing such douchification. True, there is an exemplary level of douchiness displayed by all canidates here. However, with Krakenbag, we have all prime examples on unabashed and vomit-inducing display. Shaved chest with douchey tattoo, orange, et cetera, I've blathered on about this before. Basically, there is too much damn work behind this look, culminating in the pose. That, and Candace is the only one of the hotts sporting the open-shirt bra-peek maneuver. And worse yet, she is pressing those sweet little jubblies against that orange sack of fertilizer. Her titties mock me. I howl in agony here in my dark, wood-panelled hellhole of a living space. Oh, Candace, why? WHYYYYYY?
Krakenbag FTW.
*swig of coffee*
Ahhhh, focus returns...My initial gut-rage was to go for Guido Buttchinsky. However, after further review, I think in the end my vote falls for Krakenbag. As said Dr. DB @ 7:57, an absurd amount of time went into preparing such douchification. True, there is an exemplary level of douchiness displayed by all canidates here. However, with Krakenbag, we have all prime examples on unabashed and vomit-inducing display. Shaved chest with douchey tattoo, orange, et cetera, I've blathered on about this before. Basically, there is too much damn work behind this look, culminating in the pose. That, and Candace is the only one of the hotts sporting the open-shirt bra-peek maneuver. And worse yet, she is pressing those sweet little jubblies against that orange sack of fertilizer. Her titties mock me. I howl in agony here in my dark, wood-panelled hellhole of a living space. Oh, Candace, why? WHYYYYYY?
Krakenbag FTW.
Lumpy FTW. E-Blo deserves a special place in the HoS, but for the monthly its gotta be the Persian Douchebag with the hotts. Considering what Iran has gone through this month, it feels fitting.
And I would love to see Stephanie and AssPear eat each other out.
And I would love to see Stephanie and AssPear eat each other out.
# posted by : 12:22 PM
: 12:22 PM
Orange you glad I'm voting for Guido?
DB1 - great executive decision. You are wise beyond your years.
DB1 - great executive decision. You are wise beyond your years.
# posted by : 12:44 PM
: 12:44 PM
Man the votes are all over the place. Hard to tell who the clear winner is.
Mike at 9:33am had me choking on my sandwich. I'm going to sue man.
Oh and death to E-Blo.
Mike at 9:33am had me choking on my sandwich. I'm going to sue man.
Oh and death to E-Blo.
# posted by : 1:04 PM
: 1:04 PM
I have given some serious thinking about this month's candidates and the list is:
Guido: Not enought hotties.
E-blo: All muscle and hair gel but plenty of hotties.
Lumpy: Able to bag AssPears for lunch snacks but lacks proper wardrobe.
Krackenbag: Obnoxious stare, plucked eyebrows & chinstrap, tat, stupendous physique, oblivious to the fine hottie standing next to him. It's all about him and his DB 'tude.
Krackenbag FTW. No question about this choice.
Guido: Not enought hotties.
E-blo: All muscle and hair gel but plenty of hotties.
Lumpy: Able to bag AssPears for lunch snacks but lacks proper wardrobe.
Krackenbag: Obnoxious stare, plucked eyebrows & chinstrap, tat, stupendous physique, oblivious to the fine hottie standing next to him. It's all about him and his DB 'tude.
Krackenbag FTW. No question about this choice.
# posted by : 1:05 PM
: 1:05 PM
As deep and true as my love is for Steph, I gotsta cast in for the Krackenbag.
His vacant, gay wrongness is monumental; causing heat waves and thunderstorms in the Midwest.
Sultry Candice ain't exactly shabby either...
K'bag FTM
AV
His vacant, gay wrongness is monumental; causing heat waves and thunderstorms in the Midwest.
Sultry Candice ain't exactly shabby either...
K'bag FTM
AV
# posted by : 1:08 PM
: 1:08 PM
Lumpy FTW
Not because he's any more douchey than the other contenders (which he is not) and not because steph is hotter than the other contenders (which she is) but because, much like baking soda and vinegar, when these two ppl combine, it makes me want to explode.
Imagine lumpy and steph having sex. Lumpy is still wearing his clothes. Now imagine eblo and britney doing the same thing.
Which makes you more angry?
The answer to this should dictate where your votes lead.
Not because he's any more douchey than the other contenders (which he is not) and not because steph is hotter than the other contenders (which she is) but because, much like baking soda and vinegar, when these two ppl combine, it makes me want to explode.
Imagine lumpy and steph having sex. Lumpy is still wearing his clothes. Now imagine eblo and britney doing the same thing.
Which makes you more angry?
The answer to this should dictate where your votes lead.
# posted by : 1:25 PM
: 1:25 PM
Guido and Lumpy are just regular Jerz poo but Eblo and Craken bag thats a heavyweight bought of douche...I gotta give it to Kraken bag his douche power is too extreme its like snifing a fart right out of an asshole you just cant take it..Kraken FTM
# posted by : 1:36 PM
: 1:36 PM
Let's see, I will vote for "Super Cool Dude I would love to have take my picture".
First I have to go throught the Funglist of admirable features/habits (sponsored by Funyuns):
1. Orange....and lots of it...
check,check,check,check,
2. Sweet accessories( including but not limited to: mandanas, Ed Hardy, Armani Exchange, dogtags, Grey Goose, killer tats, Blue Blockers, wrist bands, roids, Brokeback Mountain poster, or Axe bodyspray)....
check, check, check, check
3. Sweet, spiky, shiny lettuce...
check, check, fail, check.
Guess I'm not partying with Lumpy
4. Dislike of any contact with the female sorts...
fail, fail, fail....
Oh well
F ungs
T he
W inner
First I have to go throught the Funglist of admirable features/habits (sponsored by Funyuns):
1. Orange....and lots of it...
check,check,check,check,
2. Sweet accessories( including but not limited to: mandanas, Ed Hardy, Armani Exchange, dogtags, Grey Goose, killer tats, Blue Blockers, wrist bands, roids, Brokeback Mountain poster, or Axe bodyspray)....
check, check, check, check
3. Sweet, spiky, shiny lettuce...
check, check, fail, check.
Guess I'm not partying with Lumpy
4. Dislike of any contact with the female sorts...
fail, fail, fail....
Oh well
F ungs
T he
W inner
# posted by : 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
Buttchinsky. I would like to see him win and then immediately have him drowned in a lake with a sack of rocks. Please. For all mankind.
Kraken. E-blo. Kraken. E-blo. This was the debate that raged through my head at work today. Before I angered my mendula-ablungada by really comparing the severe uber-douche that they both are, I figured I'd let the hotts decide.
Candace is a SEVERELY under-rated sweet and sexy hot that I prefer to any others in the running. I vote Candace for Halls of Hott right now.
For his Hott, I must vote Krakenbag.
Candace is a SEVERELY under-rated sweet and sexy hot that I prefer to any others in the running. I vote Candace for Halls of Hott right now.
For his Hott, I must vote Krakenbag.
Damn, it looks like another Joey P wannabee is going to pull this off. Can anyone stop the Jerz.
# posted by : 2:08 PM
: 2:08 PM
Coming down to the wire between a Gator clone and two Joey P clones. Poor Lumpy, it's back to Pop's garage for him.
# posted by : 2:23 PM
: 2:23 PM
When I watched Jordan play as a kid, I remember thinking to myself wow I am watching a legend...Those same feelings came back to me after all this time with E-Blo.... E-Blo is just on another level here people.
E-Blo gets my vote!
E-Blo gets my vote!
# posted by : 2:47 PM
: 2:47 PM
Christ-on-a-stick, you've given the punters some serious head-scratching to do this month DB1. Buttchinsky, E-Blo, Krackenbag all very strong contenders. Lumpy may have the hottest hott, but methinks he's not in the same league of douchiness as the others. I've given this about 10 seconds of deep thought. Although I really really really want to wipe the imbecilic smugness off the Krackster's rotten face with a blunt instrument and the Buttchinsky is a walking Fanta advertisement, I have to go with E-Blo FTW. For his poo-stench is stinking up my computer.
This is perhaps the most difficult call I've yet seen since I discovered HCwDB. Krackenbag and E-Blo are locked into a void-staring showdown. Lumpy is more douche than meets the eye. Guido is super-orange, yes, but something about him seems too constructed to be truly in the running here. E-Blo bests all comers in quantity of hots, but he gets smoked by Krackie and Lumpy in the quality department. Candace is indeed underrated, but I've got to stick with Lumpy because the Hot Chicks come first in this equation. Steph is the most lickable, secretly devious tartlet I have witnessed here. Additionally, Lumpy managed to pull some rather sublime ass pear. Lumpy FTW, and Steph for the Hall of Hott.
E-BLO. No contest.
LISTEN! And understand. E-BLO is OUT there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with... it doesn't feel embarrassment, or humility, or arousal... and it absolutely will not stop-- EVER!-- until decency and good taste are DEAD.
LISTEN! And understand. E-BLO is OUT there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with... it doesn't feel embarrassment, or humility, or arousal... and it absolutely will not stop-- EVER!-- until decency and good taste are DEAD.
Krackenbag has a stare to match and raise E-Blo with ease. He also has got his nips out intentionally. Not because he is shirtless, not because he is at a pool, just because he.wants.them.out.there
Surely that's enough? Surely?
Surely that's enough? Surely?
# posted by : 3:27 PM
: 3:27 PM
OK look, dammit.
I know I'm too late to change anyone's mind, and once again I'll vote for a pair that doesn't win.
But really. E-Blo, for all his magnificent douchiness, is not paired with a hott. Barely a tepidd.
I couldn't figure out why Guido won the first time. He just looks like an idiot to me. OK, I do see it a bit.
Krackenbag is a serious, serious contender, no doubt.
But is there really any doubt that Lumpy's gal (who, in case I didn't say it before, should also be called Lumpy) is easily the hottest of the bunch? And what two words come first in the phrase "Hot Chicks with Douchebags"? And is Lumpy not a massive douche in his own right?
Like DB1 said, it's the dialectic. The interplay. The urge to kill that the photo provokes. And Lumpy and Steph win that hands down.
Lumpy and Steph FTW!
I know I'm too late to change anyone's mind, and once again I'll vote for a pair that doesn't win.
But really. E-Blo, for all his magnificent douchiness, is not paired with a hott. Barely a tepidd.
I couldn't figure out why Guido won the first time. He just looks like an idiot to me. OK, I do see it a bit.
Krackenbag is a serious, serious contender, no doubt.
But is there really any doubt that Lumpy's gal (who, in case I didn't say it before, should also be called Lumpy) is easily the hottest of the bunch? And what two words come first in the phrase "Hot Chicks with Douchebags"? And is Lumpy not a massive douche in his own right?
Like DB1 said, it's the dialectic. The interplay. The urge to kill that the photo provokes. And Lumpy and Steph win that hands down.
Lumpy and Steph FTW!
# posted by : 3:46 PM
: 3:46 PM
E-Blo's vacant stare is the look of a full-frontal lobotomy.
Except he hasn't had one.
And I'd like to administer one to his greasy lobe, with a rusty tin can sharpened to a shiv.
E-Blo FTW
Except he hasn't had one.
And I'd like to administer one to his greasy lobe, with a rusty tin can sharpened to a shiv.
E-Blo FTW
This is indeed an awesome and terrible choice. Sort of like Sarah Palin vs. Joe Biden. Either way--ick. The body of E-Blo's work is impressive and yet the lad lacks that delusional certainty in moral and spiritual superiority that shapes those final, telling bits of orange-hued clay into a true masterpiece of douchosity. The Krackenbag, however, channels Kade via Zoolander; a retarded airdale who is only sad because he doesn't understand why he doesn't know Paris Hilton. Candice's clear complicity in the whole sorry enterprise only seals the deal. She is in the early, violent stage of Bleeth infection as the rash overwhelms her frontal lobes (he, he, he lobes) and loosens her daddy issues upon the world. E-Blo's random party photos do not compare. Lumpy and the Prompa wannabe both pale before the Zen of E-Blo and the frothy yeast/cheese foam of douche residue that is the mighty Krakenbag.
Kraken FTW.
Kraken FTW.
While they all bring the scroad, Guido Buttchinsky does not bring the hot and therefore is not deserving of the Monthly.
I would say the three remaining hotts are about equal in their hottness, however E-Blo is by far the douchiest of them all and therefore deserves the Monthly.
E-Blo for the win!
I would say the three remaining hotts are about equal in their hottness, however E-Blo is by far the douchiest of them all and therefore deserves the Monthly.
E-Blo for the win!
# posted by : 4:02 PM
: 4:02 PM
Lumpy, because his grrl resembles a girl.
The other finalists=yuck.
The chicks are rank and the guys are rank(er?); all pairings likely have running refils for peniscillin at Rite-Aid.
The other finalists=yuck.
The chicks are rank and the guys are rank(er?); all pairings likely have running refils for peniscillin at Rite-Aid.
I firmly believe E-blo, Lumpy, and Krackenbag are who they are. Buttchinsky, OTOH, has been *striving* to look like a douche. And now that he has hooked up with highly capable 2-fer of Tonya and Mom, he's confused as to what to do next. Always the kid-douche.
Buttchinsky FTW.
Buttchinsky FTW.
# posted by : 4:56 PM
: 4:56 PM
In such a short time, E-Blo has continually made me laugh with his blank stare, this dude is destined to possibly be the best.
E-Blo ftw
E-Blo ftw
There are NO hotts in this gag-gle of baggs. Therefore, Buttchinsky, the dual nott-a-hott ventriliquist, must take it. His is a douchery that is so mediocre that it inspires others to attempt to douche, and that must be punished with this accolade.
# posted by : 7:27 PM
: 7:27 PM
Well, let's see. Lumpy got in on a technicality so I can't really abide that, it's sort of like a recount which only works in Florida and Washington and Minnesota and other ungovernable places like that...but I digress.
Jerz Guid loses despite major doucheness because Tonya is fat. Her mom/sis/friend is kinda hot but the whole melange doesn't really rise to Monthly status.
So, in the battle of the thousand yard stare, we are left with Krakenbag and E-Blo. While K's douchiness enrages, E-Blo's body of work cannot be denied. Plus the b-list bar hotts are the rottenness that all add to the flavor (to paraphrase Gladiator). E-Blo FTW, and by win I mean loss. For Wester n Civilization, that is.
Jerz Guid loses despite major doucheness because Tonya is fat. Her mom/sis/friend is kinda hot but the whole melange doesn't really rise to Monthly status.
So, in the battle of the thousand yard stare, we are left with Krakenbag and E-Blo. While K's douchiness enrages, E-Blo's body of work cannot be denied. Plus the b-list bar hotts are the rottenness that all add to the flavor (to paraphrase Gladiator). E-Blo FTW, and by win I mean loss. For Wester n Civilization, that is.
# posted by : 8:26 PM
: 8:26 PM
Guido. Because he's so orange that he's MORE orange than the orange background. And I like furry coats.
# posted by : 8:57 PM
: 8:57 PM
Personally, I'd munch 'em all and chew their boners and then spit them out, but the tastiest would be Krackenbag, and the most tasteless would be Buttchinsky.
The hotts are all lip-smacking good and worthy of a tail-wagging.
Whenever they come into heat, I'm ready.
Krackenbag FTM, because his name reminds me of Krackel- and there's a whole lotta lickin' surface goin' on.
The hotts are all lip-smacking good and worthy of a tail-wagging.
Whenever they come into heat, I'm ready.
Krackenbag FTM, because his name reminds me of Krackel- and there's a whole lotta lickin' surface goin' on.
# posted by : 8:58 PM
: 8:58 PM
Why are you pulling my dick? E Blo FTW, he brings nothing to the table except future date rapes and AIDS jokes..
(I apologize, I watched Heathers recently)
(I apologize, I watched Heathers recently)
# posted by : 9:36 PM
: 9:36 PM
Krackenbag.
For trying to pretend he's a male model. And for copying Cameron Diaz's hair from "There's something about mary"
Is that hair gel?
For trying to pretend he's a male model. And for copying Cameron Diaz's hair from "There's something about mary"
Is that hair gel?
# posted by : 9:38 PM
: 9:38 PM
This goes down to the wire between E-Blo and Lumpy. Not only is E-Blo a certifiable douchebag, he may also be a serial killer. If the eyes are the window into the soul, E-Blo's soul is made of axe bodyspray and a knife. Lumpy is not as scary per se, but the loveliness of his hots is sickening nonetheless. Stephanie and the ass pear push Lumpy to the top. The licking picture also helps (hurts?) his cause. Lumpy FTW.
# posted by : 10:10 PM
: 10:10 PM
The Electric Blight Orchestra deftly spawns a music of inner fear that is clearly inscribed in every chisel of his hair sculpture but it's his mask that sets him apart. Nothing spells douche to me like the perfectly relaxed facial muscles of one in such a zen-bag state as this. E-Blo for the win.
But damn Steph is the hotness, and Lumpy is a strong competitor.
But damn Steph is the hotness, and Lumpy is a strong competitor.
# posted by : 11:38 PM
: 11:38 PM
For me the competition came down to Krakenbag and E-BLO, but I'm going to have to vote for the Doucheinator for continuing to bag with machine like efficiency.
# posted by : 12:57 AM
: 12:57 AM
Lumpy FTW. hottest hot, ass pear to boot, and a douchiness that simply grows on you.
Israeli DB.
Israeli DB.
# posted by : 1:17 AM
: 1:17 AM
I'd say being Guido is punishment enough, but the Krackenbag needs some deflationary pressure applied to his rapidly ballooning ego.
# posted by : 3:53 AM
: 3:53 AM
Why are people voting for Steph? This isn't the Hall of Hott contest. Steph is a paid to pose hott and is not Lumpy's girl. Lumpy's just a car show tool and low level douche.
Guido is a dress up douche. He doesn't feel it in his soul. He leavs his mom's house in khaki slacks and then transforms behind gay bars. He's just a sad little man but not worthy of monthly honors.
Krackenbag is the real deal but Joey P already has the market and Candance's chin annoys me.
E-Blo is just a soul stealer. All of his hotts are at every stage of bleethhood. He's an Armani soldier and a veteran of the Douche War 1 and 2. We must honor (dishonor) our veterans of douchiness.
E-Blo ftw. Easily.
Guido is a dress up douche. He doesn't feel it in his soul. He leavs his mom's house in khaki slacks and then transforms behind gay bars. He's just a sad little man but not worthy of monthly honors.
Krackenbag is the real deal but Joey P already has the market and Candance's chin annoys me.
E-Blo is just a soul stealer. All of his hotts are at every stage of bleethhood. He's an Armani soldier and a veteran of the Douche War 1 and 2. We must honor (dishonor) our veterans of douchiness.
E-Blo ftw. Easily.
# posted by : 5:19 AM
: 5:19 AM
E-Blo should get a line-jumper's pass directly to the Hall of Scrote. That fact that this bag continues to infect hotts - and a wide array of high-quality tastiness at that - is a sign that the apocalypse is near. E-Blo by a landslide!
After a month of recharging the batteries on vacation. Mocking the hippie douches up in Humboldt county California...I make my (triumphant????) return to the site. Most of these douches and hotts make me say meh. I would give it to Buttchinsky, but his hotts are woefully overly covered. Krackenbag is out, because she doesn't tickle my fancy. She would tickle my taint, but that's because she is already dead inside.
I'll give E-Blo the win, which means we all lose. His vacant stare drains more energy than Stephen Hawking's chair. (Too soon?)
E-Blo FTW.
I'll give E-Blo the win, which means we all lose. His vacant stare drains more energy than Stephen Hawking's chair. (Too soon?)
E-Blo FTW.
# posted by : 7:41 AM
: 7:41 AM
A tough choice between e-blo and Buttchinsky- but I have to go with the latter.
As his orange is just so orange.
As his orange is just so orange.
# posted by : 9:07 AM
: 9:07 AM
In my nightmares, I am lying on the ground, wounded, about to receive the coup-de-grace from my enemy. I do not focus on the muzzle of the firearm pointed directly between my eyes, I focus on the eyes of that which is about to slay me, looking for the slightest tinge of humanity, of mercy, to save me from my fate.
All I see in those eyes is an all-encompassing emptiness. I am nothing more than an obstacle to his next victim.
Those eyes are the eyes of E-Blo.
One day he will slaughter me and my kind.
All I see in those eyes is an all-encompassing emptiness. I am nothing more than an obstacle to his next victim.
Those eyes are the eyes of E-Blo.
One day he will slaughter me and my kind.
In this line up Lumpy and Guido don't even rate. It is like the "Thrilla in Manilla" between Kracken and E-Blo. E-Blo has the body of work but Kracken has multiple docuhe qualities already listed by previous voters. Although I didn't initially vote for him in the weekly, I have to go with the Kracken. He made me rip a kitten in half like a used phone book.
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
# posted by : 9:31 AM
: 9:31 AM
Guido & Tonya FTW !
I know, The hotts in the pic are at the bottom of the food chain compared to those in other pics but come on !; i mean he looks like an insignificant yet horribly smelly turd fuck !
I know, The hotts in the pic are at the bottom of the food chain compared to those in other pics but come on !; i mean he looks like an insignificant yet horribly smelly turd fuck !
# posted by : 11:02 AM
: 11:02 AM
For his excellence in the field of douchebaggery in multiple locations while maintaining consistent doucheface and faux hawk, I nominate E-blo
# posted by : 11:08 AM
: 11:08 AM
Yes Champagne, it is too soon. Sheesh.
Also, DB1, why don't you market Ass Pear as an energy drink? You'll make millions.
Also, DB1, why don't you market Ass Pear as an energy drink? You'll make millions.
# posted by : 11:34 AM
: 11:34 AM
E-Blo FTW. Even from the safety of my office desk I can feel the orange rays shooting out from his eyes, trying to infect me with the Grieco.
# posted by : 11:34 AM
: 11:34 AM
@ anon - Check out lumpy's car pic with the hot ass pear, he's hella douche, I think he's even flexing his sagging pecs there.
Israeli DB
Israeli DB
# posted by : 11:50 AM
: 11:50 AM
E-blo can only dream of getting his stare to the emptiness that is the red-eye of Krackenbag. Candace also looks like I girl I know in high school. I'm not allowed near her anymore. Damn restraining order.
Krackenbag (and Candace, the new repository of all my hopes and dreams) FTW.
Krackenbag (and Candace, the new repository of all my hopes and dreams) FTW.
# posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM
I disagree Dbad. Krackenbag is just looking at himself in a mirror out of view. Candace does look like one of the Fuglies who would bang the football team due to low self esteem.
E-Blo on the other hand is the Golem of Scrote. What Db1 has failed to inform everyone is that sweet Heather, pictured here, is the before picture to the after picture of pic 6. Only E-Blo has the power to transform stage 1 & 2 bleeths to stage 4 fungi instantly.
E-Blo on the other hand is the Golem of Scrote. What Db1 has failed to inform everyone is that sweet Heather, pictured here, is the before picture to the after picture of pic 6. Only E-Blo has the power to transform stage 1 & 2 bleeths to stage 4 fungi instantly.
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
Gotta go EBLO - too many images and all too similar. EBLO FTW.
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
EBLO or Krackenbag....
Gotta go EBLO - too many images and all too similar. EBLO FTW.
# posted by : 4:04 PM
: 4:04 PM
guido FTW, because I used to date someone named Tonya, who was a GODDESS of Russian by way of Danish passport and was one of the classiest and finest women I ever drooled over, and Guido's association with her hallowed name, even if fictive, is enough to send me into fits of rage.
# posted by : 5:29 PM
: 5:29 PM
grease being thicker than blue gatorade, I have gotten over my infatuation of E-blo and his soul sucking eyes, and want to sing the praises of the poor orange man from hoboken's version of J-lo.
Buttchinski in an upset tip-in as the time runs out, as I run around wildly looking for somebody to hug like Jim Valvano in '83!!!
Buttchinski in an upset tip-in as the time runs out, as I run around wildly looking for somebody to hug like Jim Valvano in '83!!!
# posted by : 7:39 PM
: 7:39 PM
I initially wanted to vote E-Blo, for his vacuity is unbelievable. As DarkSock said, he has botoxed his soul. However, his hotts aren't particularly hot and as my friend quite rightly pointed out the Krackenbag is truly Douchous Maximus and Douchimus Prime.
Krackenbag FTW
Krackenbag FTW
# posted by : 7:39 PM
: 7:39 PM
I vote for Krackenbag. Because he nailed all forms of douchery posing in a single photo. Its a twisted unholy combination of Peter Andre circa first release of 'Mysterious Girl' and Seal's 'Kiss From a Rose' looks that earn Krackenbag the title of HCWDB of the month.
That, and no other contender DARES do the half hoodie, half off to show my white trash tattoo pose.
As for his good looking other half, Candace is far hotter than the overtanned lady friends of E-Blo and the Jennifer Lopez (before she became famous and therefore styley) look-a-likes of Guido.
That, and no other contender DARES do the half hoodie, half off to show my white trash tattoo pose.
As for his good looking other half, Candace is far hotter than the overtanned lady friends of E-Blo and the Jennifer Lopez (before she became famous and therefore styley) look-a-likes of Guido.
# posted by : 7:44 PM
: 7:44 PM
...Krackenbag, by a tentacle.
...but send E-blo to the Hall of Scrote, please do!
...but send E-blo to the Hall of Scrote, please do!
# posted by : 8:01 PM
: 8:01 PM
GUIDO FTW!! He's got it all, except the hot chick, but he himself is the biggest douche!
# posted by : 8:13 PM
: 8:13 PM
It's gotta be buttchinsky! He's the only one I'd immediately kick in the nuts if i walked past on the street!
# posted by : 8:14 PM
: 8:14 PM
Any other month, I'd probably vote for E-Blo, but this month we get Guido Buttchinsky. Guido is everything wrong with the world.
You would think that after several years of mocking the classic orange skin tinting, ball and shaft forehead reflecting, chin strap shaving, ed hardy shirt wearing, armani exchange belt looping, dog tag/cross around the neck, blown out hair with the mandana like thing people, they would be so inundated with shame that they would take a lighter and their axe body spray and immolate themselves.
While the image of thousands of Jersey Guidos running down the streets of Toms River and East Setauket in flames is a pleasant fantasy, nothing shakes me out of this pleasant dream faster than the constant reemergence of GB and his ilk.
They will not die.
There is no God.
And they still get hotts.
You know, I admire DB1 for managing to gird himself after all these years and still keep this site going. I would be drunk and facedown in the gutter 24/7 having to wade through these photos all day.
In fact, after looking at GB again, that sounds like a good idea.
Give him the monthly.
You would think that after several years of mocking the classic orange skin tinting, ball and shaft forehead reflecting, chin strap shaving, ed hardy shirt wearing, armani exchange belt looping, dog tag/cross around the neck, blown out hair with the mandana like thing people, they would be so inundated with shame that they would take a lighter and their axe body spray and immolate themselves.
While the image of thousands of Jersey Guidos running down the streets of Toms River and East Setauket in flames is a pleasant fantasy, nothing shakes me out of this pleasant dream faster than the constant reemergence of GB and his ilk.
They will not die.
There is no God.
And they still get hotts.
You know, I admire DB1 for managing to gird himself after all these years and still keep this site going. I would be drunk and facedown in the gutter 24/7 having to wade through these photos all day.
In fact, after looking at GB again, that sounds like a good idea.
Give him the monthly.
# posted by : 8:32 PM
: 8:32 PM
It's a very tough call between E-Blo and Guido Buttchinsky. Both are equally stinky, but in the end I have to give my vote to E-Blo. Purely for the hottness of the hott. And for that to come from a gay man... man, that hott must be hottttt!
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