Friday, June 19, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
As the douche smells hott ass, so do we all inhale whiffs of our own proverbial hottassitude on this Friday.
The first week of the HCwDB show, Is She Really Going Out With Him? is wrapping up on MTV, and I'm feelin' good.
After so much work over the last year, your humble narrator on all things boobie/douchey is thrilled to see ISRGOWH finally reach the teevee. So far so good, but keep spreading the word.
Today, I find myself meditating on the arch of the young suckle thigh's inner neck. It is tasty and sometimes salty. And I am also ruminating on how much I hate those silky, designer rapsta Yankee caps. For they are camel poo.
But finally, I've been thinking about the vacuous emptiness of Jennifer Aniston. Her eyes are dead. Like a shark. Hers is the blankness of a nihilist framework without meaning. An empty shell of Hollywoodified personality blank. She's not a bad person. She's just an abyss. But I'd still lick her boobies.
Here's your Friday Links:
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: The Paparazzo Surfer 'Bag on TMZ.
Hot Chicks with... Something.
Commando: Libya. The greatest underground videogame of the late 1980s. For the legendary Commodore 64. The entire point was simply to shoot up Libyans as they walked across the screen who couldn't shoot back. It was sick and demented Reagan era crypto-fascist youth prep. Imagine my joy when I found a Commando: Libya flash simulator online.
The HCwDB of the Month is on Monday, but this coupling of hott and taint is the odds-on favorite in Vegas for the next Week.
Ed Hardy plague infects Australia. It's like when Bart unleashed the frogs.
There's even virtual HCwDB combos on Second Life.
Japan is being overrun by something called "grass-eaters", young men who focus entirely on makeup and preening. Are they Japanese douchebags? Hard to say, but warrants monitoring.
Via the always brilliant The Daily Show, Long Island wants to secede. Nice trio of 'bag tagging, Samantha Bee. If that is your real name.
And finally, for all of your hard work and to celebrate the first week of the show, here's a double reward: Twin Ass Pear. Quality.
Comments:
<< Home
Having sex with Jennifer Anniston would be like having sex with a Real Doll. A novel experience, maybe even "pleasurable" in some limited sense, but still a far cry from having sex with an actual human.
Also? Samantha Bee has long been my fake TV girlfriend.
Also? Samantha Bee has long been my fake TV girlfriend.
Quality Ass Pear today all over the place. And by all over the place, I mean my johnson.
# posted by 
: 1:08 PM
: 1:08 PM
The Emperor would commit sepiku if he saw the grass eaters today in Japan. But he would flagelate the little samurai over the Brazilian Olympic twins all day long.
gun tattoos on each bicep. whoa. i mean, whoa. it takes a non-linear thinker to come up with that kind of body art. lemmetellyadat.
what a bunch of fucking meatheads. stay on Long Island bozos. never leave. please.
also, a hearty congrats Mr DB! on your new show. i watched it, and i think it's got some growing room to do, but overall, it was highly entertaining. kudos sir, kudos.
and also, thanks for the double-shot of Ass Pear today.
what a bunch of fucking meatheads. stay on Long Island bozos. never leave. please.
also, a hearty congrats Mr DB! on your new show. i watched it, and i think it's got some growing room to do, but overall, it was highly entertaining. kudos sir, kudos.
and also, thanks for the double-shot of Ass Pear today.
I believe the twin ass pears are none other than Bia And Branca Feres, a sister syncronized swim duo from - where else - Brazil. Google them - you will not be disapointed.
# posted by : 1:31 PM
: 1:31 PM
the hot chicks with something is that 'thing' from the youtube video from Scotland. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-VW1XZwF80 to refesh your mind.
# posted by : 1:45 PM
: 1:45 PM
BTW all, if you didn't catch the show on air cuz it's schedule,the first episode is available in full on the microsite of the show.
I just watched and it's fucking absurdly funny.
that Long Island bit's good too..
on a side-note, i actually got called a douche for the first time ever this week: reason? using big words like "subjective" fucking off-duty Serbian-born strippers...
I tip my URC to all hunters this weekend!
Army of DOuche-ness.
I just watched and it's fucking absurdly funny.
that Long Island bit's good too..
on a side-note, i actually got called a douche for the first time ever this week: reason? using big words like "subjective" fucking off-duty Serbian-born strippers...
I tip my URC to all hunters this weekend!
Army of DOuche-ness.
# posted by : 1:56 PM
: 1:56 PM
@ Darksock
hahahaha yes it would. after "Everyone gets laid" and "Robot has werewolf hand" that'd be my favorite ever...
Army of DOuche-ness
hahahaha yes it would. after "Everyone gets laid" and "Robot has werewolf hand" that'd be my favorite ever...
Army of DOuche-ness
# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM
Twin Ass Pear
I'll be in my bunk.
Query about ISRGOWH: I feel vaguely douchy after watching. Are you certain that douchiness can't be transmitted over satellite?
I'll be in my bunk.
Query about ISRGOWH: I feel vaguely douchy after watching. Are you certain that douchiness can't be transmitted over satellite?
I just sent a link to the girly men in Japan article to my co-workers (in a Japanese company). I heard at least one, "Ie, so des ne" kind of comment. Only one laugh out loud from the female analyst two doors down.
The twin ass pear? Now that's American made quality!
The twin ass pear? Now that's American made quality!
# posted by : 2:21 PM
: 2:21 PM
I'm totally one of those tiresome, annoying fags who doesn't own a TV. But after seeing 'The Daily Show' clip and then hearing about ISRGOWH, I think it's time to join the rest of civilization.
I almost ceased breathing from laughing so hard at the "No Homos" part of the Long Island clip.
That being said, I should probably stay away from any sort of video game console, since I've just spent the last half hour playing 'Commando: Libya' and I can't seem to stop myself.
I almost ceased breathing from laughing so hard at the "No Homos" part of the Long Island clip.
That being said, I should probably stay away from any sort of video game console, since I've just spent the last half hour playing 'Commando: Libya' and I can't seem to stop myself.
Now THAT’S an Asspear!!!
... after being steamrolled by a shopping cart loaded with Plinky’s mom’s jowls.
... after being steamrolled by a shopping cart loaded with Plinky’s mom’s jowls.
Damn straight Anon 12:11pm! First comments in nine hours? Sumptin’ ain’t awright up’ndismoog. Wayall da Regulah peeps at?
Was there an epic rerun episode of The Hills on tonight that's captured everyone's attention?
If so, fuck you Tivo! Fuck you a thousand times!!
Was there an epic rerun episode of The Hills on tonight that's captured everyone's attention?
If so, fuck you Tivo! Fuck you a thousand times!!
Why is he sniffing a Tightleist pitching-wedge blade with a jelly dong holster slung about its' sweet spot?
Is it wrong that I typed 'sweet spot' and 'holster' in the same sentence, and am now fully aroused?
... I think not.
... I think not.
Can't sleep - maybe it's the tent I was pitching because my Twin Ass Pear submission made it. Yes, that's my find, and you're all welcome.
I had posted something about it earlier, or so I thought, but Blogger was reporting a problem (imagine that), and that's probably why everyone seemed to have been gone.
I had posted something about it earlier, or so I thought, but Blogger was reporting a problem (imagine that), and that's probably why everyone seemed to have been gone.
And with a brief burst of caffeinated coffee-colonic discharge, Edith’s rectal cavity bore forth the first anally gestated smoky jungle frog, into the waiting harness of her black neoprene sling.
@Wheezer:
Really? Blogger malfunctioned?
It couldn't be! But... really?
I haven't been on the internet for a week (out o' the country and such), so I was surprised to see so few comments on a Friday.
Thought it may have been the heavy doses of mescal I'd been nursing.
Really? Blogger malfunctioned?
It couldn't be! But... really?
I haven't been on the internet for a week (out o' the country and such), so I was surprised to see so few comments on a Friday.
Thought it may have been the heavy doses of mescal I'd been nursing.
Well, maybe everyone's out celebrating the solstice this weekend, too. Or traveling "Down Undah" to stop the scrote scourge, otherwise Oz 'bags will start styling their hair like this.
But seriously, his lips look like a stroke victim’s partially-paralyzed asshole, peeking haughtily through the handiwork of its owner’s gimpy-armed guidance of a rusty shear; and around the heart-shaped hemorrhoid, as it tempts the porcelain seat below with its’ pucker of putridity.
Her ass looks like Yosemite’s Half-Dome... as pictured by Anal Adams...
...and you know which half Imatalkinabout.
...and you know which half Imatalkinabout.
I think this is my favorite comment on the "Ed Hardy in Australia" comment thread:
"bacon ON 11 Jun 2009 03:30:55PM
id rather wear a poodle carcass peppered by a paintgun than Ed Hardy"
"bacon ON 11 Jun 2009 03:30:55PM
id rather wear a poodle carcass peppered by a paintgun than Ed Hardy"
@Crucial, 12:29 a.m. -
Hmmmmm, I wonder if greasy mullet douche can form a "pink sock" with that? Or is he already?
Hmmmmm, I wonder if greasy mullet douche can form a "pink sock" with that? Or is he already?
That paparazzo surfer bag from TMZ should take the leading role in epic scat flick Bridget Jones’s Diarrhea.
I played Commando non-stop all through what had to have been my Seventh grade year. And I still have my parent’s Commodore 64 in my garage. She’s not in mint condition. But neither is my ’49 Ford.
And Fuck You if that ain’t cool!
And Fuck You if that ain’t cool!
The Twin Ass-Pears are nice, but jimminy-jeebus, there are more pixels in that picture than Atari 2600’s version of Commando viewed through lenses shielded by Bea Arthur’s holiest toenail clippings.
Ouch!
Pfah just clipped my nutsack with a crudely fashioned bituminous boomerang.
... and I liked it.
Pfah just clipped my nutsack with a crudely fashioned bituminous boomerang.
... and I liked it.
It would be tough to argue that anyone associated with TMZ isn't a douche--therefore I won't. TMZ, the niche it fills, and all those who perpetuate this sad, desperate little circlejerk of fame are chili-scented smegma. Now if you'll excuse me, I haven't masturbated in three whole hours so I have to google for Megan Fox photos with the bad ink airbrushed out.
Agreed re: Aniston. She's a dreary bucket of urp. Proof? Get the DVD for "Office Space" and watch the interview with her. She exhibits all the natural and native personality of a kilo sack of bleached flour.
Still, for all her dullery, she's got a rockin' bod. She's a signifier of the pomo 90s - lots of the obvious (boooobies!) but nothing inside - just empty drear - like late February on the San Francisco beach - it's been swathed in fog and rain since December, and all it gives you is the same cold blankness, the featureless vacuity of her narcissism amplified by her lack of education or cultural awareness.
She is to culture what muzak is to music. She is a mixture of honey and school paste. Poor thing.
She needs a personality transplant, and unfortunately, it's something that she has to develop on her own - you can't just go buy one on Rodeo Drive.
On my end of things, I have been in europe for the past month. From what I learned and the contacts I made, I will be extremely busy writing a book for the next year or so, and my internet activity will necessarily go down. I will continue to cruise by here, and occassionally post, but my presence will be reduced, unfortunately. If it were up to me, I'd sit here and just type "jubbly bubbly boobies" over and over.
But, unfortunately, I am in the middle of writing a book that may actually change history in a significant way, regarding media theory. And that will be eating up every spare moment for a while.
So keep on mocking the douches. I 'll be back soomer than later.
Still, for all her dullery, she's got a rockin' bod. She's a signifier of the pomo 90s - lots of the obvious (boooobies!) but nothing inside - just empty drear - like late February on the San Francisco beach - it's been swathed in fog and rain since December, and all it gives you is the same cold blankness, the featureless vacuity of her narcissism amplified by her lack of education or cultural awareness.
She is to culture what muzak is to music. She is a mixture of honey and school paste. Poor thing.
She needs a personality transplant, and unfortunately, it's something that she has to develop on her own - you can't just go buy one on Rodeo Drive.
On my end of things, I have been in europe for the past month. From what I learned and the contacts I made, I will be extremely busy writing a book for the next year or so, and my internet activity will necessarily go down. I will continue to cruise by here, and occassionally post, but my presence will be reduced, unfortunately. If it were up to me, I'd sit here and just type "jubbly bubbly boobies" over and over.
But, unfortunately, I am in the middle of writing a book that may actually change history in a significant way, regarding media theory. And that will be eating up every spare moment for a while.
So keep on mocking the douches. I 'll be back soomer than later.
# posted by : 3:53 AM
: 3:53 AM
the Long Island piece was some of their best work. That tool in the middle was more than I could handle.
# posted by : 5:00 AM
: 5:00 AM
Best of luck with the book, Troy, though "Jubbly Bubbly Boobies" has the ring of a bestseller. Maybe that can be the followup.
Regarding Twin Ass Pear...
Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich...
Gee LeDouche
Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich, Make me a sandwich...
Gee LeDouche
# posted by : 2:18 PM
: 2:18 PM
@ Reader Mike 3:03
Me either. I feel I've saved the brain cells by not having a TV, but I waste twice as many on the internet.
@ Mr. White 1:07 and Troy 3:53 RE Jennifer Aniston:
Well damn put, gentlemen, I applaud you. Everytime I have questioned the world's fascination with that woman, I am immediately told "You're just jealous!" Yes. I am jealous. INSANELY jealous. I wish I were a vacuous, square-jawed, insecure and talentless twit whose only contribution to society and culture is a fucking HORRIBLE HAIRCUT. I am consumed with jealousy for a woman whose husband ditched her for a smokin' hot batshit crazy hussy who gobbled up his man-batter and made him some purty babies, with the tabloids trumpeting every glorious second.
Yes, she has a lovely body, especially for a woman of 40. However, Once she opens her mouth and begins to speak, all bets are off. I don't blame Brad. If I had to listen to that empty clamshell clappering away over breakfast every moring, I'd do one better than have an affair, I'd put a bullet in my head.
Me either. I feel I've saved the brain cells by not having a TV, but I waste twice as many on the internet.
@ Mr. White 1:07 and Troy 3:53 RE Jennifer Aniston:
Well damn put, gentlemen, I applaud you. Everytime I have questioned the world's fascination with that woman, I am immediately told "You're just jealous!" Yes. I am jealous. INSANELY jealous. I wish I were a vacuous, square-jawed, insecure and talentless twit whose only contribution to society and culture is a fucking HORRIBLE HAIRCUT. I am consumed with jealousy for a woman whose husband ditched her for a smokin' hot batshit crazy hussy who gobbled up his man-batter and made him some purty babies, with the tabloids trumpeting every glorious second.
Yes, she has a lovely body, especially for a woman of 40. However, Once she opens her mouth and begins to speak, all bets are off. I don't blame Brad. If I had to listen to that empty clamshell clappering away over breakfast every moring, I'd do one better than have an affair, I'd put a bullet in my head.
now i don't waste time hating ms aniston. i rather find her place in the simulacrum amusing. no she can't really act, hence her inability to go anywhere near a decent movie despite obvious marketability, she is cute, not more than that, but she is at least that.
what she represents to the good people of "real america" is their idealized self. not real bright, not beautiful or dangerously exotic in the sense that anything unfamiliar to them is dangerous. she is someone who is so bland, so "all-american" they can see themselves in her, one way or the other.
she also conveys a shallow sensibility that never has to risk being to deep, or misunderstood. that i have found, appeals greatly to "real america" they demand transparency, simplicity, lack of nuance. ms anniston gives it to them.
the only extent to which i would bang her is that male regret of never nailing the homecoming queen. hell my high school was such a potpourri of socio-economic factions guised as diversity, we didn't have a homecoming. it would have caused too many skirmishes.
what she represents to the good people of "real america" is their idealized self. not real bright, not beautiful or dangerously exotic in the sense that anything unfamiliar to them is dangerous. she is someone who is so bland, so "all-american" they can see themselves in her, one way or the other.
she also conveys a shallow sensibility that never has to risk being to deep, or misunderstood. that i have found, appeals greatly to "real america" they demand transparency, simplicity, lack of nuance. ms anniston gives it to them.
the only extent to which i would bang her is that male regret of never nailing the homecoming queen. hell my high school was such a potpourri of socio-economic factions guised as diversity, we didn't have a homecoming. it would have caused too many skirmishes.
Jennifer Anniston is likely a safe bang because she just can't get preggers. Dream on.
# posted by : 8:39 PM
: 8:39 PM
Ringo Starr style douche is whiffing
a) A "finishing school style" ass pear, that appears to have absolutely no rump creases between the thighs and butt, and is best achieved by wearing any number of tight, slimming garments under the dress. Certifiably top-CEO secretary-style rump.
b) "Weaver's bum" ass pear that has flattened from sitting at a loom too long.
c) "Sliders'" ass pear from engaging in too many water slides
d) "Asphalt and tar pit" ass pear which has been flattened with a steamroller for a smooth riding surface
a) A "finishing school style" ass pear, that appears to have absolutely no rump creases between the thighs and butt, and is best achieved by wearing any number of tight, slimming garments under the dress. Certifiably top-CEO secretary-style rump.
b) "Weaver's bum" ass pear that has flattened from sitting at a loom too long.
c) "Sliders'" ass pear from engaging in too many water slides
d) "Asphalt and tar pit" ass pear which has been flattened with a steamroller for a smooth riding surface
# posted by : 9:00 PM
: 9:00 PM
I agree with all the disparaging statements about Ms. Aniston yet I would bludgeon a bucket of shaved kittens with a wet claw hammer for the privilege of rubbing cocoa butter all over her turd cutting region. I'm weak.
Ed Hardy virus has been in Australia for a while now. I am doing all I can to bring the pig ignorant philistines to they're knees. A little help would be much appreciated from our northern hemisphere brothers in arms.
# posted by : 11:29 PM
: 11:29 PM
so are there better women than Jennifer Aniston? definitely.
but would i take her over just about every single hott in DB1's show? yes.
theoretically, the sky is the limit when it comes to how high we should set our expectations for women. on HCwDB, as far as we're concerned, it's all about picking the lesser evil.
but i'll take a one night stand with Twin Ass Pears any day over a one night stand with Jennifer Aniston. four boobs beat two.
but would i take her over just about every single hott in DB1's show? yes.
theoretically, the sky is the limit when it comes to how high we should set our expectations for women. on HCwDB, as far as we're concerned, it's all about picking the lesser evil.
but i'll take a one night stand with Twin Ass Pears any day over a one night stand with Jennifer Aniston. four boobs beat two.
@ Crucial:
I looked up a college acquaintence I've neither seen nor heard from in 15 years, then via a bogus gmail account sent him anonomously the following without preamble or explanation:
"And with a brief burst of caffeinated coffee-colonic discharge, Edith’s rectal cavity bore forth the first anally gestated smoky jungle frog, into the waiting harness of her black neoprene sling."
Beautiful.
ahhh he'll probably figger out it's me. Somehow.
Post a Comment
I looked up a college acquaintence I've neither seen nor heard from in 15 years, then via a bogus gmail account sent him anonomously the following without preamble or explanation:
"And with a brief burst of caffeinated coffee-colonic discharge, Edith’s rectal cavity bore forth the first anally gestated smoky jungle frog, into the waiting harness of her black neoprene sling."
Beautiful.
ahhh he'll probably figger out it's me. Somehow.
<< Home
