Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Ruminations on the Faux
It's a quiet Wednesday afternoon in smoggy, hazy, car fumes smelly Los Angeles.
Your humble narrator reclines in his chair and contemplates the logic that leads one to wear a six inch faux to a frat party.
Your humble narrator also contemplates the firm, child bearing and land tilling hips of the Miami Hott in the center. How I wouldst forty acres those mules.
Brothabag Perry on the right gets a nottadouche, even with the hint of kissy lips.
But Gerry, on the left, gets a smack for the shirt and horns.
Where are we hurtling towards on this planet of global douchal plague? And how wouldst I nestle in Floral Brunette's upper boob area crying out with guttural whimpers until she told me to leave then texted six friends about it?
These questions task me.
So I munch a Hoho.
And the sugar rush tells me all will be well in the witching hour as the sun sets over Coffee Beans and actresses.
As the breeze blows over the troubles of a disaffected yet hyper-connected populace.
As the twitters and twatters drink flavored americanos and the sands blow by counting the moments towards eventual disembodied sigh. As we prep to do it all again tomorrow in our eternal hope to break free and find truth.
I will have another Hoho now.
Comments:
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Well, that faux, or d'oh, could be explained by the new missing link study. Douchebag’s haven’t fully evolved from their ferret roots, apparently.
If allowed the supreme privilege:
From behind, I would patiently and thoroughly, remove the yellow mini-skirt from the blonde hott. From that vantage point, I would gaze at the magnificent perfection before me. Those tautly tanned calves; those toned thighs meeting the supple cheeks that give birth to those fluffy baby kittens each morning upon a throne of precious gilded stones. I’d ogle the small of her back, whereby a sparse meadow of blonde baby-down glistened in the sparkling of the moonlight.
And then I would calmly retreat from her presence and hope she didn’t notice the pool of milky yogurt beside her bed when she woke up.
From behind, I would patiently and thoroughly, remove the yellow mini-skirt from the blonde hott. From that vantage point, I would gaze at the magnificent perfection before me. Those tautly tanned calves; those toned thighs meeting the supple cheeks that give birth to those fluffy baby kittens each morning upon a throne of precious gilded stones. I’d ogle the small of her back, whereby a sparse meadow of blonde baby-down glistened in the sparkling of the moonlight.
And then I would calmly retreat from her presence and hope she didn’t notice the pool of milky yogurt beside her bed when she woke up.
The mohawk on the tiny one is adorable. He's like one of those frilled neck lizards that puffs out his neck flaps in order to look bigger. You scamp! I swear I just want to hug you and feed you mealworms!
AH!!!!!!!! The ultra-douche in the back throwing gang signs is too hardcore for me. And Travis' Barker's gay brother Roy with his mid-calf socks is def a douche. I would pour hot sauce down mine pee-hole to lick up the back of blondie's legs.
Damn that's deep and I'm sure noone read the whole comment you wrote but nice try. I might just use some of that in my music :)
# posted by 
: 4:46 PM
: 4:46 PM
Brothabag is doing kissy lips and a hand gesture. Nottadouche pass...revoked.
Brunette is showing what it would look like as she slowly, tantalizing lowered herself onto my man pole. I encourage this behavior.
Balding dude on the right with the too-long shorts or too-short pants and a map of the genetic code on his shirt (human's genetic code, not these things) should be stuffed into the refrigerator and left there to ferment.
Brunette is showing what it would look like as she slowly, tantalizing lowered herself onto my man pole. I encourage this behavior.
Balding dude on the right with the too-long shorts or too-short pants and a map of the genetic code on his shirt (human's genetic code, not these things) should be stuffed into the refrigerator and left there to ferment.
@Baron Von Goolo
Yeah, that's what I needed. Everyone staring at me while I giggle like a girl. Meal-worms. Nice.
I feel bad for blondie numero dos. She is enveloped in douche. Let us pray she can fight herself free. I'd say shatter the liquor bottles, but they're plastic. Because this is a classy party.
Yeah, that's what I needed. Everyone staring at me while I giggle like a girl. Meal-worms. Nice.
I feel bad for blondie numero dos. She is enveloped in douche. Let us pray she can fight herself free. I'd say shatter the liquor bottles, but they're plastic. Because this is a classy party.
An impressive array of salty snacks on the fridge ....
Blondie is woefully out of place.
And by out of place I mean humina-humina look at those gams ....
Blondie is woefully out of place.
And by out of place I mean humina-humina look at those gams ....
Are you crazy? It ain't Black Liberation Month! That dude could be in HoS!! Boss, you're getting soft.
If that's the 2009 example of a frat party I'm moving to Canada.
Frat party - FAIL.
Frat party - FAIL.
# posted by : 6:44 PM
: 6:44 PM
@crucial
In keeping with our circle jerk traditions: Your love ode to blondie was the finest thing I've heard since Sam Kinison's "come on her back, steal her purse, and crawl out the window, leaving her sticky, broke, and confused" run.
In keeping with our circle jerk traditions: Your love ode to blondie was the finest thing I've heard since Sam Kinison's "come on her back, steal her purse, and crawl out the window, leaving her sticky, broke, and confused" run.
I agree with Baron VG -- Fauxwank is only about 5'2", so he needs the extra height to break the 5'5" barrier.
Reminds me of a cool definition I read on a sports blog today.
Word = metrosexual.
Definition = "But you know what they say is the definition of “metrosexual”? It’s when everybody realizes you’re gay except for you."
Reminds me of a cool definition I read on a sports blog today.
Word = metrosexual.
Definition = "But you know what they say is the definition of “metrosexual”? It’s when everybody realizes you’re gay except for you."
The fact that BVG used the word "adorable" made me chuckle and question my own manhood. I shall now go and dump some yogurt in the nearest porcelain horse, spend all my money on booze, and pass out in a pool of my own micturition.
'cause I'm a rock star like that.
'cause I'm a rock star like that.
I'm sure I know what "gel" is holding his hair like that [throws up a little]. Run girls... RUNNNN!!!
Just making sure that you know on the MTV show we will be picking the "douches" and that nobody affiliated with MTV or Viacom can be called a
"douche."
Also, the show will be hosted by somebody from Road Rules All-Stars.
Rock and Roll!
MTV Networks
"douche."
Also, the show will be hosted by somebody from Road Rules All-Stars.
Rock and Roll!
MTV Networks
# posted by : 7:46 PM
: 7:46 PM
db1,
i am deeply moved by tonight's commentary. as i settle into a fourteen hour hangover, powdered sugar avalanching down my chin and onto the unstable slope of my slumped and emasculated chest, your words slip softly into the throbbing whirlpool of my headache.
so i write to offer my thanks and marvel at thigh suckleworthy.
snaggledouche
i am deeply moved by tonight's commentary. as i settle into a fourteen hour hangover, powdered sugar avalanching down my chin and onto the unstable slope of my slumped and emasculated chest, your words slip softly into the throbbing whirlpool of my headache.
so i write to offer my thanks and marvel at thigh suckleworthy.
snaggledouche
# posted by : 8:04 PM
: 8:04 PM
'Kay, I count three women and five vaginas.
I'll give a pass to Lenny Kravitz and Doug the future downsized middle manager. Taffy-Head needs to have his scrotum stretched on an embroidery hoop and staked to a fire ant nest. It looks like someone pulled his hair so hard it yanked the skin up off his upper lip, which is a job only halfway done.
I'll give a pass to Lenny Kravitz and Doug the future downsized middle manager. Taffy-Head needs to have his scrotum stretched on an embroidery hoop and staked to a fire ant nest. It looks like someone pulled his hair so hard it yanked the skin up off his upper lip, which is a job only halfway done.
Just so, so sad. The guy on the far left clearly has some kind of mental disability and someone dressed him in that culottes and a PLO scarf.
And WHY is Kevin Federline there next to Brothabag??
DB1- I suggest the red Zingers with coconut.
And WHY is Kevin Federline there next to Brothabag??
DB1- I suggest the red Zingers with coconut.
# posted by : 8:16 PM
: 8:16 PM
Often perceived as sporting a faux, Duckbill had a bony head crest that he concealed with an upward and congealed comb-over. A functional freak, nonetheless, with the charisma of Eyeball Kid, Duckbill was accepted for his charity of cheap booze, which . . . ah, hell.
Are those skirts touching? I'm solely drawn to the center of this picture, which should be un-garmented and covered in cocoa butter.
Are those skirts touching? I'm solely drawn to the center of this picture, which should be un-garmented and covered in cocoa butter.
I concur with Don Crucial.
The vellous hair alone on Britney Yellowbutt would be more spectacular than watching a sunrise from the International Space Station.
Besides, in space, you cannot hear a queef until it's too late!
The vellous hair alone on Britney Yellowbutt would be more spectacular than watching a sunrise from the International Space Station.
Besides, in space, you cannot hear a queef until it's too late!
# posted by : 8:42 PM
: 8:42 PM
OH!
And by the way, if you ever go to a bank (usually PNC) and run into the guy at a desk or the mini-cubes who looks like an Arab just wiped their ass with him?
Run the other way!!! That Guy will only steal your deposit and spend it getting bottle service in the city.
And by the way, if you ever go to a bank (usually PNC) and run into the guy at a desk or the mini-cubes who looks like an Arab just wiped their ass with him?
Run the other way!!! That Guy will only steal your deposit and spend it getting bottle service in the city.
# posted by : 8:47 PM
: 8:47 PM
No matter how much douchebaggery is going on; with the horns to the left, the yugoslavian exchange bag in the back middle, the the mohawk bag, the extra terrestrial with the black hat and the bruthabag, those 2 hotts in the center more than make up for it. Why is Devon hiding behind everyone else?
Crazy-Sexy-Douche
Crazy-Sexy-Douche
Whitey in the back throwing gang signs wants me to throat punch him and pee on him while he lies choking on the floor.
Tall blond wants me to do her in the butt. I must say- I am quite willing.
Tall blond wants me to do her in the butt. I must say- I am quite willing.
wow, i have to give the blonde in the green shirt and yellow shorts credit...i've never seen a drag queen tuck her junk in a pile of douchebags before. i'm not saying it hasn't happened, infact there might even be a fetish site or 20 devoted to it, just saying i haven't seen it
wubba wubba wubba, goodbye god bless
wubba wubba wubba, goodbye god bless
I demand brotha bags notadouche pass be revoked!! Kissy lips and hand gesture and pelvic thrust....
COME ON DB1 TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YELLOW SKIRT ASS AND LOOK AT THE DOUCH CALLED BROTHA BAG AND CALL HIM OUT RIGHTFULLY SO!
COME ON DB1 TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YELLOW SKIRT ASS AND LOOK AT THE DOUCH CALLED BROTHA BAG AND CALL HIM OUT RIGHTFULLY SO!
# posted by : 11:25 PM
: 11:25 PM
the brunette is pure sugar rush. pure sugar intensity. pure sugar magic.
in fact, if she ever describes her sexual experience with an Axed out and jelled up dickweed sporting Ed Hardy or Armani Exchange apparel as "pure sugar [insert anything here]," i'm gonna... wait, i better not make too venomous a vow here, because she probably will get a "pure sugar [anything]" sex experience from a complete douchebag.
sigh.
in fact, if she ever describes her sexual experience with an Axed out and jelled up dickweed sporting Ed Hardy or Armani Exchange apparel as "pure sugar [insert anything here]," i'm gonna... wait, i better not make too venomous a vow here, because she probably will get a "pure sugar [anything]" sex experience from a complete douchebag.
sigh.
I would mount that blonde cocker with the luscious hips and cross-breed unto and into her a brood of quality pups, leggy like my own.
The others I would use my own mace and then deposit them into the postbox for a special delivery, cuz that's just the kind of dawg I am, and they are.
Cuz it's a dawg eat dawg world out there, and a kitchen is the right place to share the meal.
The others I would use my own mace and then deposit them into the postbox for a special delivery, cuz that's just the kind of dawg I am, and they are.
Cuz it's a dawg eat dawg world out there, and a kitchen is the right place to share the meal.
# posted by : 12:58 AM
: 12:58 AM
As a brotha, I say Brotha bag is a db. Frizzy fro, kissy lips, hand gesture and faux rocker lean. I hearby give you Kravitz Bag.
Also, don't let blondie fool you. She's on her way to bleethhood. Isn't that a tramp stamp on her back?
Also, don't let blondie fool you. She's on her way to bleethhood. Isn't that a tramp stamp on her back?
# posted by : 5:25 AM
: 5:25 AM
I have to say, I think there are too many "Brotha-bag" passes handed out on this site.
Can we not now call a black man a douche? Will he cry racism? Does DB-1 have the same inherent fear of people of different races, much like my 74-year old grandmother?
This douche (aptly and hilariously dubbed, Kravitz Bag) is displaying 3-5 outward signs of scrote.
Let's keep this fair and just. A douche is a douche, and this man is a douche. I demand a revoke and Edit and original post.
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!
Anon - Bender Douche
Can we not now call a black man a douche? Will he cry racism? Does DB-1 have the same inherent fear of people of different races, much like my 74-year old grandmother?
This douche (aptly and hilariously dubbed, Kravitz Bag) is displaying 3-5 outward signs of scrote.
Let's keep this fair and just. A douche is a douche, and this man is a douche. I demand a revoke and Edit and original post.
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!
Anon - Bender Douche
# posted by : 6:09 AM
: 6:09 AM
We cannot remain silent. We must attend to the attire of hornbag and his companions. Long black shorts, crew height black socks, "designer" T-shirts, and bling as the kids refer to it. Remember, they at one time that evening looked in the mirror and consciously decided that this outfit met their criteria for suitable clothing to attract the ladies. And of course...oh wait, I am confused now. Someone should start a web site mocking this sort of abnormality.
Dr. DB
Dr. DB
I agree Kravitz 'Bag deserves no pass. No special treatment, DB1.
A 'bag should be judged not by the color of his skin, but by the outward signs of douche, and the crew he runs with.
AV
A 'bag should be judged not by the color of his skin, but by the outward signs of douche, and the crew he runs with.
AV
# posted by : 6:50 AM
: 6:50 AM
KravitzBag looks just a scary bit too much like O.J. Simpson.
Maybe it's the camera angle.
And why is K-Fed trying to cop a feel on his shoulder?
Gee LeDouche
Maybe it's the camera angle.
And why is K-Fed trying to cop a feel on his shoulder?
Gee LeDouche
# posted by : 8:05 AM
: 8:05 AM
agreed, brotha bag is a total douche.i mean,he's hanging with a bunch of lame white wanna-be douches playing fucking air guitar? no sleeves, smirk face, douche lips and fro, and bling. thats enough for me.also, i enjoy blondies slutty style. i would gently caress her balloon knot whilst bringing her to orgasm, thus creating a pavlovian response wherein she would associate orgasms with having something jammed in her asshole. then i'm in.
# posted by : 9:19 AM
: 9:19 AM
I can't imagine the pride blondie's pop must feel when he sees this pic and realizes his sweet little girl (a) associates with these bags and (b) decides to turn backwards when posing so her ass is front and center in any photo.
Lulu at 8:16's "culottes and a PLO scarf" made me spit my pepsi on my computer screen.
Hott's yellow shorts made me get something else on my screen.
Lulu at 8:16's "culottes and a PLO scarf" made me spit my pepsi on my computer screen.
Hott's yellow shorts made me get something else on my screen.
# posted by : 1:54 PM
: 1:54 PM
nothing say's that she is a fan of anal sex then turning around for photos. i'd squirt a load of cum right in her eye, then smack that ass like a $10 stipper!
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# posted by : 9:45 PM
: 9:45 PM << Home
