Tuesday, May 26, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
Bring it On. Step It Up. Another three word expression that will end up being the title of a teen dance movie.
With two weeks of pics to cull through, this is a juicy weekly. And by juicy, I mean fecal. And by Rosencrantz, I mean Guildenstern. And by Rosenberg, I mean Goldstein.
Here's your picks:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Krackenbag
What can be said when one of the Joey Porsche crew sets off on his own to douche it up, O.G.D.B. style? Not much, other than "ballsack."
With shirtless Fabio pose, chin strap and one of the greasiest spikey blowouts we've seen in months, we have Released the Krackenbag in all the wrong ways.
But what of Candice?
She's quirky hott. Not traditionally cute, but with large sexy eyes and pouty lips that suggest she may be hotter than her photos suggest.
And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.
And pokie boobie makes the DB1 happy. Even after a three day weekend.
But is this combo hottie/douchey enough to win the Weekly? That has yet to be determined. On to #2...
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Melvin the Zebra and Laura Mars Hott
I wasn't sure if Melvin really rose to the status of HCwDB of the Week Finalist, but the truth is that Laura Mars Hott is so creepy sexy lithe hotness, I had to go with it.
She's another unconventional beauty who is far more than the sum of her parts. And I'm not just saying that due to the smallish boobosity.
She has the strongest hip bones I've seen since biology class. I would sack race a tribe of northern Egyptian Zoroastrian pygmies just for the chance to rub her discarded mascara on my lower stomach while crying "Maaaaamaaa" in Gaelic.
He is wearing strange zebra-esque pants just baggy/tight enough to show off his peen.
Toss in the bling, the Ark of the Covenant tattoo, and the Raiders Cap (auto +1 douche saving throw), and this coupling brought the wrong enough to make the Weekly.
But Paid to Pose? Could that be Melvin and Laura's achilles heel?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Swiffer Head
Swiffer Head is classic party poo. 'Tude and hair gel in a pouty, ass grabbing toxic mix of cultural rot.
The triumverate of hotts did not get the love they deserved the first time around.
They are three distinct "getable" levels of hott, the real girls at the office party who actually do make out with you in the supply closet.
And for that, they are to be celebrated as much as Swiffer Head's star hair thing and chinstrap should be mocked.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Party Pud, Smelvis in the Friday Haiku, Propellerhead, Tudo and Kegger Dogs, all of whom were worthy contenders and just barely missed the cut.
Which of these three has enough hotness and enough poobaggery to call itself the Weekly Winner?
That, fellow 'bag hunters and huntresses, is your power to control. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
With two weeks of pics to cull through, this is a juicy weekly. And by juicy, I mean fecal. And by Rosencrantz, I mean Guildenstern. And by Rosenberg, I mean Goldstein.
Here's your picks:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Krackenbag
What can be said when one of the Joey Porsche crew sets off on his own to douche it up, O.G.D.B. style? Not much, other than "ballsack."
With shirtless Fabio pose, chin strap and one of the greasiest spikey blowouts we've seen in months, we have Released the Krackenbag in all the wrong ways.
But what of Candice?
She's quirky hott. Not traditionally cute, but with large sexy eyes and pouty lips that suggest she may be hotter than her photos suggest.
And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.
And pokie boobie makes the DB1 happy. Even after a three day weekend.
But is this combo hottie/douchey enough to win the Weekly? That has yet to be determined. On to #2...
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Melvin the Zebra and Laura Mars Hott
I wasn't sure if Melvin really rose to the status of HCwDB of the Week Finalist, but the truth is that Laura Mars Hott is so creepy sexy lithe hotness, I had to go with it.
She's another unconventional beauty who is far more than the sum of her parts. And I'm not just saying that due to the smallish boobosity.
She has the strongest hip bones I've seen since biology class. I would sack race a tribe of northern Egyptian Zoroastrian pygmies just for the chance to rub her discarded mascara on my lower stomach while crying "Maaaaamaaa" in Gaelic.
He is wearing strange zebra-esque pants just baggy/tight enough to show off his peen.
Toss in the bling, the Ark of the Covenant tattoo, and the Raiders Cap (auto +1 douche saving throw), and this coupling brought the wrong enough to make the Weekly.
But Paid to Pose? Could that be Melvin and Laura's achilles heel?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Swiffer Head
Swiffer Head is classic party poo. 'Tude and hair gel in a pouty, ass grabbing toxic mix of cultural rot.
The triumverate of hotts did not get the love they deserved the first time around.
They are three distinct "getable" levels of hott, the real girls at the office party who actually do make out with you in the supply closet.
And for that, they are to be celebrated as much as Swiffer Head's star hair thing and chinstrap should be mocked.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Party Pud, Smelvis in the Friday Haiku, Propellerhead, Tudo and Kegger Dogs, all of whom were worthy contenders and just barely missed the cut.
Which of these three has enough hotness and enough poobaggery to call itself the Weekly Winner?
That, fellow 'bag hunters and huntresses, is your power to control. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Comments:
<< Home
Swifferhead...when a douche makes me want to laugh and beat him senseless at the same time, the choice is clear.
# posted by 
: 7:29 AM
: 7:29 AM 
Laura Mars looks like a basket of twigs stuffed into a sausage skin; she's a walking ABC After School Special on bulimia just waiting to happen.
All that being said, there can be only one, and that one is Swifferhead. I look at the three contestants, and every time, he is the one I think should die first when the aliens come down from the skies to "purify" the human race.
All that being said, there can be only one, and that one is Swifferhead. I look at the three contestants, and every time, he is the one I think should die first when the aliens come down from the skies to "purify" the human race.
The Kraken ftw. she has the body of a Grecian goddess, and he has the face that launched a thousand shits.
# posted by : 7:49 AM
: 7:49 AM
I have to say it's Swiffer Head for the win this week. The irrational mix of his Bobby Brown My Prerogative video hair cut and the hott on his right makes me believe that if I think of them together for too long that I might have a brain aneurysm attempting to contemplate "why?"
Krackenbag FTW. I don't know if he's affecting that 1,000-yard stare in a futile attempt to look "deep," or if he's just dazed by the Prep H fumes coming off his abs, but regardless, a think a sharp, stabbing pain in his gut would help snap him out of it.
She looks like a much hotter version of many of the girls in my high school. Her hotness may elude an easy description, but I want to play peekaboo with her boobs, and I want her hand--after a thorough scrubbing with alcohol soaked wipes--to gently touch my abs instead of his. And by "abs" I mean "junk."
She looks like a much hotter version of many of the girls in my high school. Her hotness may elude an easy description, but I want to play peekaboo with her boobs, and I want her hand--after a thorough scrubbing with alcohol soaked wipes--to gently touch my abs instead of his. And by "abs" I mean "junk."
Swiffer head FTW!
Although I love the hottie with Melvin The Zebra, Swiffer Head is the epitome of douchness for only a DB would look at himself in the mirror and walk out into the night with a swiffer & a star for a hairdo and think he is the hottest property in town. But what is more revolting to me is that a hottie is attached to this DB: COME ON HOTTIE, YOU'RE SMOOCHING WITH A SWIFFER HEAD. ARE YOU FREAKING RETARDED!?!
Although I love the hottie with Melvin The Zebra, Swiffer Head is the epitome of douchness for only a DB would look at himself in the mirror and walk out into the night with a swiffer & a star for a hairdo and think he is the hottest property in town. But what is more revolting to me is that a hottie is attached to this DB: COME ON HOTTIE, YOU'RE SMOOCHING WITH A SWIFFER HEAD. ARE YOU FREAKING RETARDED!?!
Krackenbag FTW.
His hott is easily the cream (pun intended) of this crop. He is almost understated in his bagosiousness. Yes, the orange, chin pube, and grasy blown out spike are symbolic of the douche. But he seems to be only half-assing it.
And what kind of society do we live in, where this example of douchiferousness makes me say, "Meh. I've certainly seen worse."
Also, fellow bag hunters, be on your toes. Tis the season for county and state fairs. The bag should be most prevalent, as this is one of the prime gathering places for the bag and bleethe.
His hott is easily the cream (pun intended) of this crop. He is almost understated in his bagosiousness. Yes, the orange, chin pube, and grasy blown out spike are symbolic of the douche. But he seems to be only half-assing it.
And what kind of society do we live in, where this example of douchiferousness makes me say, "Meh. I've certainly seen worse."
Also, fellow bag hunters, be on your toes. Tis the season for county and state fairs. The bag should be most prevalent, as this is one of the prime gathering places for the bag and bleethe.
# posted by : 8:23 AM
: 8:23 AM
It has indeed been a very douchey two weeks, but Krackenbag really should win.
After all, he's a JP crew member; his douchey attributes need not even be mentioned. He lays cultural waste in his path - along with a trail of ooz.
Even sultry Candice should know better. And by should know better, I mean should be pushing her sweet hoisted milk-makers on me, not this slimy fag.
Krackenbag FTW.
AV
After all, he's a JP crew member; his douchey attributes need not even be mentioned. He lays cultural waste in his path - along with a trail of ooz.
Even sultry Candice should know better. And by should know better, I mean should be pushing her sweet hoisted milk-makers on me, not this slimy fag.
Krackenbag FTW.
AV
# posted by : 8:32 AM
: 8:32 AM
Have I mentioned that zebras are my favorite equine? Of all of them, I really want to just hop on her and keep going until I need defibrillator paddles. I think it is the crazy eyes and the tightbody that make me one happy old man. Come to papa, Laura!
Oh, and a baseball bat to the head for Zebraguy.
Oh, and a baseball bat to the head for Zebraguy.
# posted by : 8:37 AM
: 8:37 AM
In this year of Charles Darwin's 200th birthday, We should all honor him with a vote for Swiffer Head, for providing a clear example to the class of how natural selection leads to the Irish Elk, the Watusi Steer, and the Jersey Guido all developing ridiculously disproportionate headgear in the eternal struggle for poon.
The Krakenbag has been summoned, and will win DB of the week on a polytheistic scale.
Swiffer Head I believe is a gay bag, but would suck peens even if he were straight.
Candice deserves a harsh nipple-licking for her involvement with the Krackenbag, and if I visit Northern Jersey anytime soon, I'll try to oblige.
Swiffer Head I believe is a gay bag, but would suck peens even if he were straight.
Candice deserves a harsh nipple-licking for her involvement with the Krackenbag, and if I visit Northern Jersey anytime soon, I'll try to oblige.
# posted by : 8:40 AM
: 8:40 AM
I vote Krakenbag. His vacant stare will haunt my dreams forever. He's posing for the camera either pretending the camera isn't there in an attempt to capture a look of "naturalness" or he's staring at his reflection off in the distance. Either way, DOUCHEBAG. I also "like" the way he's teasing us, by only showing ONE pec. Ye Gods. How will I sleep at night, knowing full well the other pec exists, yet I am denied the privilege of feasting my eyes on it?
As for her, she has the look of a sultry and voluptuous ancient Greek marble relic. Perhaps Boobesia, Goddess of the Boob and Bra.
As for her, she has the look of a sultry and voluptuous ancient Greek marble relic. Perhaps Boobesia, Goddess of the Boob and Bra.
# posted by : 8:49 AM
: 8:49 AM
Tatt Vortex ftw. I demand a recount. This douche-to-bleeth coupling is as strong a force as has ever been experienced in hcwdb history. they cannot be denied. they will not be denied. oh, and Ron Paul for president.
# posted by : 8:49 AM
: 8:49 AM
Swiffer Head should win because the profile of his head is the inverse of my ass crack. I can't turn down a perfect fit like that.
Swiffer Head FTW. A douchey star tatt on the head? Wow. Makes me miss Pumpy more and more. At least his Star tatts represented commitment and couldn't be concealed by a few days of "no shavey like douchey..."
# posted by : 9:00 AM
: 9:00 AM
@ Anon 8:48 --
I'd happily write in the Fag, but there were not hotts in that post. ANYwhere.
Swifferhead FTW, because nothing would please me more right now than skating full-speed cross ice, dropping my right shoulder and slamming all four of them into the dasher. Because I know for a fact that the rink doesn't have 4 stretchers.
Fuck Fazio.
I'd happily write in the Fag, but there were not hotts in that post. ANYwhere.
Swifferhead FTW, because nothing would please me more right now than skating full-speed cross ice, dropping my right shoulder and slamming all four of them into the dasher. Because I know for a fact that the rink doesn't have 4 stretchers.
Fuck Fazio.
# posted by : 9:04 AM
: 9:04 AM
Swifferhead FTW . He has three Hotts. I'll do the math.
The Math:
KrakBag is WAY outta line but in the norm for douchebags
Melvin is a wimp that 1/2 the Anon's can probably best in an arm wrestling contest.... what am I saying ? I meant one out of ten Anons can probably best him in an arm wrestling contest........ >>> Ahem <<< ... okay maybe ONE of the Anons could beat him in an arm wrestling contest , meh ....
Swiffer Head has that cheeky androgynous gaze of a club party boy that will take it or give it up the ass but prefers a gal with a strap-on, less mess to clean up later.... what with all that jizm everywhere .....yuck .... whatta douchebag
The Math:
KrakBag is WAY outta line but in the norm for douchebags
Melvin is a wimp that 1/2 the Anon's can probably best in an arm wrestling contest.... what am I saying ? I meant one out of ten Anons can probably best him in an arm wrestling contest........ >>> Ahem <<< ... okay maybe ONE of the Anons could beat him in an arm wrestling contest , meh ....
Swiffer Head has that cheeky androgynous gaze of a club party boy that will take it or give it up the ass but prefers a gal with a strap-on, less mess to clean up later.... what with all that jizm everywhere .....yuck .... whatta douchebag
Swifferhead FTW! He's a total douche and she has that kissy face that says "come and get it!"
# posted by : 9:17 AM
: 9:17 AM
Imagining the events leading up to the photograph in which he decided that removing his shirt from one shoulder would capture the moment, along with the seriousness he shows toward himself, one can only conclude that Krakenbag can win the weekly.
Dr. DB
Dr. DB
Krackenbag for the win.
Granted Swiffer has the 3:1 hott ratio while Krackengag only brings us 1:1, but his one, and by that I mean her two, is the most glorious display of womanhood in the lineup.
And since Krackenfag is looking off in the distance, he'll never see my fist approaching.
Granted Swiffer has the 3:1 hott ratio while Krackengag only brings us 1:1, but his one, and by that I mean her two, is the most glorious display of womanhood in the lineup.
And since Krackenfag is looking off in the distance, he'll never see my fist approaching.
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
Swiffer Head FTW. He sucks with his fag face stare and ear pud star tat that screams "my two other orafices are full so please insert here".
He sucks.
He sucks.
# posted by : 9:37 AM
: 9:37 AM
The Krackenbag. If for no other reason than he is gazing off into the distance.
# posted by : 9:39 AM
: 9:39 AM
I know we use "peacock" as a verb here, but are you folks familiar with a bird called the cock of the rock?
Yeah. Those ornithologists. Always giggling to themselves.
I vote for Swiff. And his cock hair.
Yeah. Those ornithologists. Always giggling to themselves.
I vote for Swiff. And his cock hair.
Krackenbag for sure. The Chin strap beard, the spiky hair, the tribal tattoo, the look into the distance and the removal of the shirt scream poo. However, Candice's eyes and innocent look remind me of all that is hot in the world of hott.
It was tough between Swiff and Krakenbag. I applied my new criteria. Which of these turds would I least like to spend even a minute of my time with? And I think that would have to be Krakenbag. Him being around would be very unpleasant for everyone I think. So Krakenbag it is.
# posted by : 9:50 AM
: 9:50 AM
The Krakenbag. You can tell, this guy wishes he was sculpted in marble, lounging around the steps of the Pantheon kickin' it with Athena, "'cause she's got a mad rack yo." I think we all know he's actually sculpted out of his parents failures and MTV programming.
swiffer comes close, but krack pulls away in the stretch ftw. that red-eyed vacuousness (the "i am greek god" pose could make a greek god retch) combined with that orange-skinned scrot-ocity make him all that is poo. krackenbag it is.
VERY difficult choice between Krackenbag and Swiffer.
I'm voting for Krackenbag and here's why: At first glance, Swiffer seems like the likely candidate. A douchebag show horse, he: Small, refined head; traditional and consistent chestnut color; majestic, pronounced crest.
Unfortunately, I think Swiffer's strengths lay within a limited context, namely, dance clubs.
But Krackenbag is a douche for all seasons. While we'd probably see Swiffer only at bars and 'hot spots', Krackenbag might be seen at Mobil filling up his Scion. Or waiting in line with the rest of us at Jewel as he buys gum and energy drinks. Say, is that Krackenbag in the protein powder aisle at Vitamin Shoppe? Why yes, it's him. Let us go say hello.
FTW: The Krackenbag
I'm voting for Krackenbag and here's why: At first glance, Swiffer seems like the likely candidate. A douchebag show horse, he: Small, refined head; traditional and consistent chestnut color; majestic, pronounced crest.
Unfortunately, I think Swiffer's strengths lay within a limited context, namely, dance clubs.
But Krackenbag is a douche for all seasons. While we'd probably see Swiffer only at bars and 'hot spots', Krackenbag might be seen at Mobil filling up his Scion. Or waiting in line with the rest of us at Jewel as he buys gum and energy drinks. Say, is that Krackenbag in the protein powder aisle at Vitamin Shoppe? Why yes, it's him. Let us go say hello.
FTW: The Krackenbag
swifferhead. i could fix that unfortunate hair tumor with a bottle of oxi-clean and a set of ginsu knives
Man this is a tough one, but I gotta go with the krakenbag. That facial hair, blowout hair, the shirt, and that look on his face! Grrrrrr.
# posted by : 10:11 AM
: 10:11 AM
For all those left-brained people out there: Swiffer Head offers three (3) hotts AND a douchebag. that's three times the hott. plus, Swiffer Head makes me want to curb stomp somebody. mostly him.
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
Swifferhead has that little something extra. Probably a virulent strain of hepatitis, but something, nonetheless. Kissy brunette is happy pants time.
Swiffer far and away. The amount of time he must spend daily to look so douchey: remarkable
# posted by : 10:28 AM
: 10:28 AM
Reluctantly I submit my selection for Krakenbag. Tough it is
Swiffer in the middle of three chicks posing jumped in he did.
Crazy Eyes Laura makes my large green penis larger, but not a win.
Swiffer in the middle of three chicks posing jumped in he did.
Crazy Eyes Laura makes my large green penis larger, but not a win.
# posted by : 11:00 AM
: 11:00 AM
I would lay down my bow and arrow and gleefuly let Harry Hamlin Perseus lop off my head in order to turn that Krakenbag into stone. Takin' one for the team, you know.
The thousand-yard, pretty-boy "deep" stare. The shirt thrown open in carefully orchestrated "careless" abandon. The chin strip. Anime villain spikey blowout. I'll blame the orange hue on the shitty phone cam pic, but I'm sure he's an unnatural orange hue anyway. Delicate tweezed eyebrows. And the worst part of all...his mediocre abs are being caressed by a sultry brunette whose huge doe eyes remind me of my beloved Anne Hathaway. For that, the Kraken must pay. Perseus, find...and fulfill...your destiny.
The thousand-yard, pretty-boy "deep" stare. The shirt thrown open in carefully orchestrated "careless" abandon. The chin strip. Anime villain spikey blowout. I'll blame the orange hue on the shitty phone cam pic, but I'm sure he's an unnatural orange hue anyway. Delicate tweezed eyebrows. And the worst part of all...his mediocre abs are being caressed by a sultry brunette whose huge doe eyes remind me of my beloved Anne Hathaway. For that, the Kraken must pay. Perseus, find...and fulfill...your destiny.
BTW, propeller chest #2 has been here before. As I'm tired, dehydrated and sore, not to mention too lazy to look, I'm going to throw it to archive expert Wheeze to back me up on that.
I cast my vote for Krackenbag.
I prefer to cast aspersions at douchey-looking guys who seem to take themselves seriously. Melvin might lack the intellectual ability to do that, and Swiffer Head is so silly-looking he couldn't possibly take himself without a grain of salt.
Swiffy might have instantly bleethed the brunette on the right, causing me to wonder if once a douchebag has successfully infected a hott, could his symptoms sublimate? A scary thot.
I prefer to cast aspersions at douchey-looking guys who seem to take themselves seriously. Melvin might lack the intellectual ability to do that, and Swiffer Head is so silly-looking he couldn't possibly take himself without a grain of salt.
Swiffy might have instantly bleethed the brunette on the right, causing me to wonder if once a douchebag has successfully infected a hott, could his symptoms sublimate? A scary thot.
Swifferhead, because of the nasty thoughts middle hott made me think on their original post. Nasty, nasty thoughts.
Krakenbag.
I can smell his BO through my computer screen. Put a shirt on for fucks sake.
I can smell his BO through my computer screen. Put a shirt on for fucks sake.
# posted by : 11:33 AM
: 11:33 AM
Well, they all suck. Swifferhead deserves to be drafted and sent to a front line reconnaisance company in Mosul, Iraq, right now...poor Melvin is so pathetic and so junior league with his Auschwitz body and stoopid tatts - who gets all those tatts with such a spindly body?? But Krackenbag, this one is pure BAG. He has it all, and that pokie-boobie hott is POKIE BOOBIE HOT. Krackenbag!!
# posted by : 11:40 AM
: 11:40 AM
Number 1, uber Douche. The guy is a tool a wedget which is the most simple of all tools.
# posted by : 11:47 AM
: 11:47 AM
The Krackenbag. Simple as that. His orange ora and the vibe of I am better then you because I wear my silk shirt half way on. But more importantly his gaze into the cosmos; Flashbacks to earlier in the year when a man named Crimson Ted forever ruined life as I knew it. Even without "the point" he has CT's gaze into space. Krackenbag.
Krackenbag FTW.
I know HCwDB recognizes choad-slinging in all its vile forms, but I'm a sucker for a traditional, Grieco-ed out douchescrote. And with the chinstrap, blowout, tweezed brows and muscle-pose, Krackenbag is that.
He could be Joey Porche's older, equally douchey brother.
I know HCwDB recognizes choad-slinging in all its vile forms, but I'm a sucker for a traditional, Grieco-ed out douchescrote. And with the chinstrap, blowout, tweezed brows and muscle-pose, Krackenbag is that.
He could be Joey Porche's older, equally douchey brother.
# posted by : 11:58 AM
: 11:58 AM
Aye tis a cautionary tale of "Candice an da Douche of Krackenbagglia".
Anyone can imitate Daniel Boone
... and his cap of coon
...whilst hanging off of some comely doe eyed poon
But only a Douche of the Week
...would top his already considerable reek
...With a chin strap and "porkupined" up widow's peak.
So pity poor Candice of the unusual hott boutique!
She has been tagged with the Kracken of DoucheBag Chic.
Anyone can imitate Daniel Boone
... and his cap of coon
...whilst hanging off of some comely doe eyed poon
But only a Douche of the Week
...would top his already considerable reek
...With a chin strap and "porkupined" up widow's peak.
So pity poor Candice of the unusual hott boutique!
She has been tagged with the Kracken of DoucheBag Chic.
Swiffer Head, by a nose. The Krackenbag is undoubtedly noxious but he's still a pretty cut-and-paste Jersey poostain. Swiffer Head goes the extra mile with the obviously ludicrous choice in hairstyle, but its the look on his face that makes me want to filet kittens by the light of the moon. Also, blondie on the far left makes my loins ache.
# posted by : 12:06 PM
: 12:06 PM
She's quirky hott. Not traditionally cute, but with large sexy eyes and pouty lips that suggest she may be hotter than her photos suggest.
And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.Might I suggest a different word for suggest? Just a suggestion.
And what of the bra/boob poke? This strange configuration suggests the blouse/shirt was designed to allow pokey boobie.Might I suggest a different word for suggest? Just a suggestion.
# posted by : 12:11 PM
: 12:11 PM
Swiffer FTW. His expression is that of an unfunny Zoolander. Magnum made me laugh...this just makes me wanna stab someone.
# posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM
Swiffer Head! Swiffer Head! Swiffer Head!
One douchebag with three hotts deserves three votes: The site is "Hot Chicks with Douchebags." There are three "hot chicks" each with a monumental douchebag -- Swiffer head FTW.
One douchebag with three hotts deserves three votes: The site is "Hot Chicks with Douchebags." There are three "hot chicks" each with a monumental douchebag -- Swiffer head FTW.
# posted by : 12:17 PM
: 12:17 PM
Krackenbag, without question.
Melvin and the Swiff are excellent case studies in specific qualities of scrotitude, but Krackenbag marries it all together -- the tatt, the blowout, the orange, the shirtlessness, the orange, the chinstrap, the orange, the doucheface, the bling, and the orange.
His aura of douche is so powerful that you almost don't even notice poor Candice. That kind of power can't be denied.
Plus, he's spawn of Porsche. A metastasized nugget of rectal cancer that has migrated deep into our collective consciousness.
Melvin and the Swiff are excellent case studies in specific qualities of scrotitude, but Krackenbag marries it all together -- the tatt, the blowout, the orange, the shirtlessness, the orange, the chinstrap, the orange, the doucheface, the bling, and the orange.
His aura of douche is so powerful that you almost don't even notice poor Candice. That kind of power can't be denied.
Plus, he's spawn of Porsche. A metastasized nugget of rectal cancer that has migrated deep into our collective consciousness.
# posted by : 12:41 PM
: 12:41 PM
In a region full of Krakenbag (NY Metro area), it's Swiffer FTW! He.Has.A.Star.On.His.Head.
# posted by : 12:57 PM
: 12:57 PM
all uninspired. disapointed DB1. Comes down to the kracker and the swifter. Ok, final answer, Kracker
Krakenbag, aka Greasy McWant to be Black, aka Mr. My dad prays for my untimely death, also known as Sherman Van Someone please look at me, gets my vote. And by 'vote," I mean a swift kick to the gonadal region. He is an utter tool and can see Candice's aura of soft sensuality slipping deeper and deeper into bleethdom, and my wiener cries accordingly. So I raise thee up Krakendouche, I elevate you to douchebag of the week status, and pray to a god that may or may not exist, "please lord, smite this taint virus so that your bounty of boobage may flourish. Amen."
# posted by : 1:57 PM
: 1:57 PM
Tough call, but I have to go with Krackenbag. He's just icky.
Look at those eyebrows. Those are professionally done. My guess is he's got a standing appointment at the beauty academy to get those done and that's where he picked up Candice.
Look at those eyebrows. Those are professionally done. My guess is he's got a standing appointment at the beauty academy to get those done and that's where he picked up Candice.
# posted by : 2:00 PM
: 2:00 PM
I gotta go with Melvin, no need to comment on the other 2.
This Toad stool looks like he shat in his pants 3 days ago so he would smell better.
Her wild looking coke eyes tells the story on why she doesn't notice.
Her sense of smell is shot and so is her better judgement
This Toad stool looks like he shat in his pants 3 days ago so he would smell better.
Her wild looking coke eyes tells the story on why she doesn't notice.
Her sense of smell is shot and so is her better judgement
# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM
Krakenbag. Since he is one of JP's buddies, and JP was considered too much of a source douche to be in the weekly a few years back, I figure that we might as well give one of his buddies his day to win the weekly.
# posted by : 2:02 PM
: 2:02 PM
I vote Swiffer, for one simple reason: When he went to the barbershop/salon/bathroom, he told the person cutting his hair, "I want you to shave off 2 inches above the ear, except shave a wicked sweet star outline in it. Then, I want you to put the rest in a fauxhawk so big it can be seen from the space station."
Oh, and attractive females. OK, two reasons.
Oh, and attractive females. OK, two reasons.
# posted by : 2:41 PM
: 2:41 PM
Krackenbag and Swiffer Head are so cosmically similar - they are like douche-twins, born from the same scrotal sac.
I'll flip a coin - and the winner is...SWIFFER HEAD!!!
Keepin' it real,
Poo Radley
I'll flip a coin - and the winner is...SWIFFER HEAD!!!
Keepin' it real,
Poo Radley
# posted by : 2:48 PM
: 2:48 PM
Krackenbag FTW. Because he looks like the "Douchebag" exhibit at Madame Tussaud's. And because he makes me want to read Russian lit in a dark, dank basement with a bare lightbulb swinging over my head.
Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
Douchetros Douchetros Ghali
# posted by : 3:11 PM
: 3:11 PM
I have no witty comments this week. Swifferhead FTW because his "bedroom eyes" just made my unborn retarded babies cry.
# posted by : 3:42 PM
: 3:42 PM
i'm also very tempted to give Melvin a pass. Even with the Sublime tat and the boozy sippy cup drink. Even he can't believe he is standing there with a vaguely Scandinavian hott, since he knows he is a douche. No hand signs, no hat tilt, no kissy lips, minimal bling, aware of his station in life. I say leave him be.
# posted by : 3:45 PM
: 3:45 PM
Candice looks like a good Persian girl. Good as in Boobies of Mass Destruction.
Unfortunately her evil charms are hidden by the influence of the spiritual loser Ayatollah Douchemeini.
Time to invade and free the innocent.
Krackenbag FTW
Unfortunately her evil charms are hidden by the influence of the spiritual loser Ayatollah Douchemeini.
Time to invade and free the innocent.
Krackenbag FTW
# posted by : 3:48 PM
: 3:48 PM
This week my vote has to go to the Krackenbag, for his classic doucheyness. There's the chin-strap, the gross tan, the blowout, the latent existential crisis looming just underneath the thin veil of the Krackenbag's douchey off-camera posed stare.
That and the hott. Look at her. JUST LOOK AT HER.
That and the hott. Look at her. JUST LOOK AT HER.
# posted by : 3:49 PM
: 3:49 PM
I hate all of the dudes in these photos. All of them.
I know a dude who looks like that Kracken guy.
The third picture should win, even though there aren't any boobies.
I know a dude who looks like that Kracken guy.
The third picture should win, even though there aren't any boobies.
# posted by : 4:28 PM
: 4:28 PM
Swifferhead reminds me that I need to pick up a new toilet brush the next time I'm at Target.
On second thought, I'd rather just use Swifferhead to scrub those nasty poo stains away and leave my bowl sparkly clean.
Swifferhead FTW.
On second thought, I'd rather just use Swifferhead to scrub those nasty poo stains away and leave my bowl sparkly clean.
Swifferhead FTW.
the blond next to swiffer head needs exercise, discipline, and affection in that order. swiffer head himself can sweep out my kennels.
i rehabilitate douches, i train hotts. i am the douche whisperer.
i rehabilitate douches, i train hotts. i am the douche whisperer.
Swifferhead brings the rage. Swifferhead FTW!And kudos to DB1 for the Laura Mars reference . . . very impressive.
# posted by : 5:15 PM
: 5:15 PM
As much as I'd like to bury my fist deep in Swiffer's face - what the fuck is up with that hairdo(uche)!!! - my vote goes to the Krackenbag FTW. Yes, the clincher was the fact that this greasy choadlicker violently assaulted my eyes with his exposed orange abdomen
My vote is for the Arthur Kade School of Modeling Class of 09' grad:
Krackenbag
But I would happily give the winner of this weekly a free vasectomy...
with an oyster shucker.
Krackenbag
But I would happily give the winner of this weekly a free vasectomy...
with an oyster shucker.
Definitely Swiffer - now seriously folks, who the f&*k carves a STAR in his head after 1995???? And that swifferdo? Oh please.
The look on his face obviously says, "I was born a tool".
And kissypoutyface on the right - I'd like to slap the b^tch
Krackenbag deserves a strong second, though - the hair? Dude, did your brain explode? And stay the F outta the tanning salon b%tch
The look on his face obviously says, "I was born a tool".
And kissypoutyface on the right - I'd like to slap the b^tch
Krackenbag deserves a strong second, though - the hair? Dude, did your brain explode? And stay the F outta the tanning salon b%tch
Krackenbag looks like he is posing for the cover of a drug store novel that Fabio turned down. For that he gets my vote.
# posted by : 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM
It's Krakenbag FTW. Candice is doing her part making sure that some future Lifetime movie can label itself "based on a true story." Meanwhile, Kraken is in his "happy place" where it doesn't matter that "uncle" Giovanni insisted on bathing him as a child (and by that I mean until he reached the age of 18) or that to get his hair to look like that he has to feltch his cousin Paulie 4 hours after Paulie eats $10 dollars worth of Taco Bell. Yeah, Paulie has it lucky and only has to empty a teacup of fresh manbatter into his hair, no rectal "blow dry" necessary.
# posted by : 7:50 PM
: 7:50 PM
Swiffer Head...because I'd like to take his five-foot pole, screw it onto his head, plaster on a white surrender flag, and wipe the floor with that flag clean of all the poo he generates.
# posted by : 7:54 PM
: 7:54 PM
im voting Krackenbag.
his use of the rare "too distracted by something else going on in the distance to even realize im being photographed" pose suggests a true mastery of the douchal arts.
his use of the rare "too distracted by something else going on in the distance to even realize im being photographed" pose suggests a true mastery of the douchal arts.
# posted by : 7:57 PM
: 7:57 PM
Swiffer FTW. Douche is in the presence of three hotts, he has a look that is oozing displaced anger then there's the rest of his head. The hair is so wrong it can't be right. The picture as a whole is a turd sandwich.
Krackenbag. Classic self-important douche expression, and his hott is the hottest, IMO.
# posted by : 9:16 PM
: 9:16 PM
after little to no consideration, i'm casting my vote for Swifferhead. for Krakenbag only has the hair, and Melvin only has the tatts. but Swifferhead has the hair AND tatts. and that is douchey.
Oh me oh my, what a difficult decision I have before me here in my first contribution to this great site.
Zebra douche clearly isn't even a consideration, so it's down to Krakenbag Vs. Swiffer Head.
Now, while there's so many compelling reasons to want to vote for the Swiffmeister with his bird crest-like coiffure, "I like shapes" head tattoo and general "I'm da man, you see dis shit?" eye fucking of the camera, the prize must go to...
The Krakenbag!!! With his pencil thin chin-strap that he manicures daily, impeccably waxed torso, lack of working buttons on shirt, vacant stare into dreamland of perpetual awesomeness + the hott with her sloppy yet sweet titties hanging out everywhere should ensure enough evidence to convince any jury.
Zebra douche clearly isn't even a consideration, so it's down to Krakenbag Vs. Swiffer Head.
Now, while there's so many compelling reasons to want to vote for the Swiffmeister with his bird crest-like coiffure, "I like shapes" head tattoo and general "I'm da man, you see dis shit?" eye fucking of the camera, the prize must go to...
The Krakenbag!!! With his pencil thin chin-strap that he manicures daily, impeccably waxed torso, lack of working buttons on shirt, vacant stare into dreamland of perpetual awesomeness + the hott with her sloppy yet sweet titties hanging out everywhere should ensure enough evidence to convince any jury.
# posted by : 11:04 PM
: 11:04 PM
Krackenbag.
But only because he's been nude modeling and Candice the painter can no longer abstain from caressing his draped and rippling form. It's a total rules violation in the studio, but douches like this only come along once in a blue moon, and she's seen his moons and has blue thoughts on her mind.
And Krackenbag has NO thoughts at all in his mind. Perfect model.
But only because he's been nude modeling and Candice the painter can no longer abstain from caressing his draped and rippling form. It's a total rules violation in the studio, but douches like this only come along once in a blue moon, and she's seen his moons and has blue thoughts on her mind.
And Krackenbag has NO thoughts at all in his mind. Perfect model.
# posted by : 11:13 PM
: 11:13 PM
Krackenbag, because, despite all his careful preparation, the camera still gave him the red eye.
# posted by : 11:17 PM
: 11:17 PM
@Steve L.
Perhaps you should reconsider your vote seeing as you missed what looks like a tribal turtle tattoo on the Krakenbag's left pectoral of glory. ;-)
He now has the elements you require to achieve as much of a douchey factor as the Swiffmeister.
Perhaps you should reconsider your vote seeing as you missed what looks like a tribal turtle tattoo on the Krakenbag's left pectoral of glory. ;-)
He now has the elements you require to achieve as much of a douchey factor as the Swiffmeister.
# posted by : 11:19 PM
: 11:19 PM
They all seem weak to me especally Zebra boy's bleeth without the plastic surgery. We should start a collection for her. Personally I think DB1 is off his usual perfect taste. He should kave included Propellerhead.
Swiffer Head FTW if I have to vote.
Swiffer Head FTW if I have to vote.
# posted by : 4:45 AM
: 4:45 AM
Melvin the Zebra and Laura Mars Hott.
Because there are way too many hip bones showing (someone feed them both a whole NY cheesecake) and Melvin looks like he smells like ganja and fritos, while sipping bongwater through a straw.
Because there are way too many hip bones showing (someone feed them both a whole NY cheesecake) and Melvin looks like he smells like ganja and fritos, while sipping bongwater through a straw.
Swiffer FTW! Krackenbag + 1 mild hott does not equal Swiffer + 2 much hotter hotts and 1 horse-mouth hott. Kracken isn't good for anything. At least with Swiffer, he can sweep away his own poo as he walks and can scrape the ice off my car in winter too.
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
# posted by : 8:41 AM
: 8:41 AM
Harry Hamlin's wife is hot for an old chick. I saw her in Playboy. Except for the extra-wide landing strip- what's that about?
Anyway- It was close for me between Smackin the Kracken and The Swiff. Swiff just has that Gaybag look to me. And those chicks are beat. Now Krackhound, on the other hand, has a very interesting chick there- in my experience it's them unconventional-looking but something interesting about 'em that are MUCH better in the sack, and even can sometimes leave you tied up with coathangers, covered with Vicks Vapo-rub and a kerosene-soaked rag in your mouth. I mean probably something like that could happen.
Kracken- for the bitch.
Anyway- It was close for me between Smackin the Kracken and The Swiff. Swiff just has that Gaybag look to me. And those chicks are beat. Now Krackhound, on the other hand, has a very interesting chick there- in my experience it's them unconventional-looking but something interesting about 'em that are MUCH better in the sack, and even can sometimes leave you tied up with coathangers, covered with Vicks Vapo-rub and a kerosene-soaked rag in your mouth. I mean probably something like that could happen.
Kracken- for the bitch.
Melvin the Zebra FTW. Laura Mars Hott is way the hell out of his league yet she obliges him with a pose. Plus the more I see her photo the more I want to break all Ten Commandments.
# posted by : 8:49 AM
: 8:49 AM
Gotta go with Swiffer, with an honorable mention somehow going to Fazio- I'm convinced that little 4'10" pipsqueak man boobs tight purple v-neck wearing turd of douche is actually excrement straight out of Pumpy's retired anus.
DoucheDawg
DoucheDawg
# posted by : 10:03 AM
: 10:03 AM
i urge all of you who voted krakenbag to reconsider your choice in light of the new swiffer blue steel pic. Is DB1 trying to influence the election results?
Zebra pants is so pathetically ridiculous I'm not even sure he qualifies as a douche. Sure he's proudly proclaiming his allegiance to 'Raider Nation' but he has no hat tilt. His cup is not red and it has two straws, I bet he is sharing it with his pseudo hot. That's the other reason he can't win, his hott's... Not. She has size 2 boobies on a size 4 body.
To win the weekly you have to be Bagadocious and Hottie McHottie.
In terms of choadness Swiffer and Kraken are pretty much tied. Swiffer's got the most ridiculous hair-style ever seen on this site vs Kraken barely wearing his shirt. Hair star vs. pec tatoo. Blue steel look vs. chin strap. And they have nearly identical waxed brows.
So it comes down to the hotts. Hear the second picture of Swiffer comes in handy. The brunette and one of the blondes are making kissy lips; they are both bleeth. This takes away Swiffer's quantity advantage. Based on quality Candice wins. She is crispy innocence over a soft, nougat center of naughty. She wants to take me home for the weekend to meet Mommy and Daddy and then do unspeakable things in her parent's bedroom during family dinner. She makes me go down on her during confession.
Kraken for the win by one slimy tentacle.
Candice. Call me. I probably won't survive your attention but I will die happy.
To win the weekly you have to be Bagadocious and Hottie McHottie.
In terms of choadness Swiffer and Kraken are pretty much tied. Swiffer's got the most ridiculous hair-style ever seen on this site vs Kraken barely wearing his shirt. Hair star vs. pec tatoo. Blue steel look vs. chin strap. And they have nearly identical waxed brows.
So it comes down to the hotts. Hear the second picture of Swiffer comes in handy. The brunette and one of the blondes are making kissy lips; they are both bleeth. This takes away Swiffer's quantity advantage. Based on quality Candice wins. She is crispy innocence over a soft, nougat center of naughty. She wants to take me home for the weekend to meet Mommy and Daddy and then do unspeakable things in her parent's bedroom during family dinner. She makes me go down on her during confession.
Kraken for the win by one slimy tentacle.
Candice. Call me. I probably won't survive your attention but I will die happy.
# posted by : 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
Even if DB1 is indeed trying to influence the voting results by posting a fresh pic of the Swiffmeister, I am afraid I cannot be swayed.
Swiffer Head reeks of desperation, whereas the KB knows he's got the win locked up already. I think he's thinking of what kind of trophy he's going to make for himself and which Axe bullet he's going to pull out of his pocket next...
It's still Krakenbag FTW.
Swiffer Head reeks of desperation, whereas the KB knows he's got the win locked up already. I think he's thinking of what kind of trophy he's going to make for himself and which Axe bullet he's going to pull out of his pocket next...
It's still Krakenbag FTW.
# posted by : 11:04 AM
: 11:04 AM
Sir Douchalot @ 7:04
Totally agree. I smell something pooey in the way that DB1 has posted the extra Swifferpic.
Fuck Swifferhead.
Totally agree. I smell something pooey in the way that DB1 has posted the extra Swifferpic.
Fuck Swifferhead.
I'm gonna go with the Swiff. He has a bit of a gaybag vibe, but even if he was, he's so much of a tool he can out-douche the others in a hot second. He reminds me of American Apparel ads. He's like a walking advertisment of "youth culture," which makes you realize how vacuous and dead the scene really is. Swiffer Head is the logical end of counter-culture.
. . And the hot to his right (not ours) is so cute that I would stutter just trying to talk to her. It's the juxtaposition of her genuine looking face with his cold, Fishslap broomhead that gives this the weekly win.
. . And the hot to his right (not ours) is so cute that I would stutter just trying to talk to her. It's the juxtaposition of her genuine looking face with his cold, Fishslap broomhead that gives this the weekly win.
# posted by : 9:08 PM
: 9:08 PM
Krakenbag-scrot-douche-choat.
Orange Ruffian
Scourge of the Deep
Tangerine Dream
Adversary of the Sperm whale
Master of the half-mast shirt
Able semen
Rogering the cabinboy
FTW. (pity about the Hott-n-not)
Post a Comment
Orange Ruffian
Scourge of the Deep
Tangerine Dream
Adversary of the Sperm whale
Master of the half-mast shirt
Able semen
Rogering the cabinboy
FTW. (pity about the Hott-n-not)
<< Home
