This may have been the best post you have ever written boss.

Somewhere, Layne Staley is smiling.

Word.
 

Holy christ, I wish half of the students I used to teach at the collegiate level could comprehend even half of that post.

Well done, sir. Truly well done.
 

I agree great post.

I love the use of the female body to accent the negative space.

To bad this is at Rehab, cause then I might think they were at a decent party.
 

In the darkest hole, you'd be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the Ass Pear dies
Come the morning light, it's a see through show
What you may have queefed, and what you think you know

Let the bum never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my FLYTEEHT don't grind
Hear a sound from an ass inside

Sure to play a part, so you love the game
And in truth your Bleeths become one and the same
I could set you free, rather hear the sound
Of your ass cheeks flapping as I take you down

Let the bum never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my FLYTEETH don't grind
Here a sound from an ass inside
 

This would make Maplethorpe proud, if only the Rehab scene in the background could be brush out.

And by "brushed out", I mean that both figuratively, and literally.
 

Oh Mr. White, that was perfection. Thank you.
 

Copy that, Mr. White.

"Grind" was a great song, and your take was surreal.

R.I.P., A.I.C.

Viva A.P.I.C.
(Ass Pear In CHains)
 

Lane Staley isn't smiling..he didn't have any teeth left. That how he always looks.
 

I was thinking more Tears for Fears circa 1989 than Alice in Chains with DB1s commentary, but to each his own, Crucial Head.
 

Bravo Mr White.

After 5 minutes of intense study of this picture, I realized the douchebag actually doesn't have a shirt on.
 

looks more like a guy with really fat cheeks wearing a black bandido bandana

I'm great with rohrschatz tests
 

This post deserves to be memorialized in a new Hall of Comments.
 

Ah, DB1 your nerdy is showing. And I like it.

You know what else I'd like? I'd like to grab that chain and smack her ass with it. Because I'm kinky like that.
 

I see a fat ass and a pool full of piss
 

I'd hate to clean the pool after that chum of douchebags in there. Just turns my stomach.
 

Obviously, you've never been to a public pool with skads of little kids who pee right and left in it. And any number of adults, too.

Chlorine has its limits.

OMIGOD, this is DB1's SECOND significant chains photo-post in less than 24 hours. Scroteface has a thick chain around his neck.... it's got to be a sign. The archetype has spoken....
 

I could get lost in that ass for days.

Rehab looks like the fucking nastiest place on earth.
 

It is not only a great post that challenges the reader to come to grips with the post-modern social dialectic of sexual tension vis a vis the quest for human liberty (is she chained because she wants to be, or is she chained because she believes she should be, and in this chained state does the surrounding milieu support her freedom of expression, which manifestation could be said to be Surreal; that is 'psychic automatism in its pure state, by which one proposes to express -- verbally, by means of the written word, or in any other manner -- the actual functioning of thought' in her bold statement of bound buttocks? Or is it an expression of Hyperreality, where she externalizes her state as that of a woman who is wittingly a sexual fantasy object; and' in this statement' does she validate that hyperreality or does she satirize it?!?!) but a great excuse to stare pretty much straight up the barely concealed butthole of a woman with a chain acrost her asscheeks.

--VS
 

And verily, verily, this really is one helluva mock of the art-ed establishment. Word for word, right out of Art Criticism 301 (it takes two prep years to reach that level of indoctrination in the jargon, and therefore comprehension of the hype.)

Oh, yeah, I used to teach university frosh, sophs, jrs srs, adn I had some who could not find a common denominator and add fractions. Use your own imaginations to conjure up my reactions to this. "Alarmed" doesn't do it justice.

I just wanted to know what they were doing back in fourth and fifth grade, and who their teachers were. Cuz it sure wasn't math, and their teachers hadn't a clue, nor the university for admitting them.

Sorry for the digression, but DB1's spoof put me into a strange anti-intellectual mood mixed with sheer intellectual hubris, also known as "poo-head"...

...Curable only by beating with a chain while sipping gin and tonics at an English dept party...and then drifting over to a chem-met engineering dept party to examine the reactive strength of chains dipped first in BBQ sauce and then rinsed with grey Goose...and finally off to an Ag School party hay-rack ride wherein someone's lit cigarette accidentally sets the hay on fire, the horses break their chains, and everything and everyone takes off. Smokin' hot party.
 

I'd say she has some indentation marks across that butt of hers, that might symbolize another indentation about to come round her mountain of Ass Pear.

Cuz some things just must come to a point.
 

This photo reminds me that I need to get the rusty chains of my porch swing replaced. Soon.
 

I believe it is now time for Vin Douchal to compose us all a new one with the inspiration of "Ass Pear in Chains."

That visual moment has indeed arrived. Or perhaps it has not. Perhaps the power of the visual alone does it.

Butt it's fun to engage both the visual and auditory senses together in a simultaneous simile of simulacra. Like, DUH.
 

I think I Would like to be the Man in the Box.....if we're talking about Ass Pear's, that is.
 

She reminds me of Idol's Amanda Overmyer with the black and white hair, minus the forehead shock.

But can she sing? Can flogging be far behind? Will they both emerge from the "shadow of behind" that envelops the picture and contrasts so solidly with the sunny blue waters, blue club bracelet, blue caps on white cups, blue Mondrian pool pants, and large blue letters on douche cap?
 

Is that a chastity belt from the Dollar Store?
 

Anyone else notice that she has tan lines where her ass folds over her legs when she is standing up?

NMD
 

Yep, I sure noticed the "tan" lines, which make me think she is a regular Promethe-ass Bound.

If that's a chastity belt, the position she's wearing it is more chafe than chaste.
 

I'd say she's a regular Chain-O-Lakes Butter butt. Salted.
 

I wish that chain was wrapped around a throbbing cock
 

I ain't fakin',

That's a whole lotta bacon in a thong.
 

"enforced and ruptured." The super badass love child of Michel Foucault and Thomas Crapper would be proud.
 

Well ya know I tried to 'bate,
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I have to spray can't wait,
I know you'd understand

Cuz every you asked for "butt plug", the words just came out "schlong"

So I have to bone that big ass
In a thong.
 

db1,

Dude, that was just wonderful... I must say I truly feel uplifted (and it's not just because I'm cruising porn with Ass Pear on my mind).

If anyone ever again dares question the power of combining Excessive American Testosterone with a pointlessly vague and lackadaisical Liberal Arts Degree (hopefully from a large State University)...

Well, after I bitch-slap them around a little - I will simply show them this magnificent post and pray that they'll finally get to the beauty (and ultimate deeper meaning) of your philo-douchal mock-bilities...

Give us a sign, oh master...

"Follow the Gourd!"
 

For analogy’s sake, Tears for Fears is probably the best reference for their ‘Women in Chains’ song. New Wave. Heh. Along with Hair Metal, New Wave was one of the brilliant self-indulgent enablers of the douche-virus. Thank goodness there were some of us that avoided the local karaoke nights at the gay bar scene, and hairspray and make-up fests on Sunset Boulevard; resulting in complete oblivion of any New Wave band’s catalogue.

Then again, perhaps that was DB1’s point all along.

Now, where was that rooster I’d come to kill?
 

Tears For Fears tried to counter punk rock like Karl Mildenberger tried to counter Ali.
 

i wish that was HIS ass in chains!
 

Like your analysis db1, I agree. The only thing that ass-chain needs is an "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY" sign dangling from it.
 

Deconstructionspeak for deconstructionspeak's sake. Yawn. I get it already. This meme has grown tired.

Please, retire it.
 

Not as tired as tragically hip shark-jump trolls who wade through 38 funny and positive comments in order to posit an embarrassingly self-agrandizing yawn stamp.

We must agree, however, that this site and your intellect exist on two different planes, though.

Please go away to yours now.

Buh-Bye...
 

Mark Twain, Amazing, enough said.
 

Alas she is not po-mo she is mo-po as in mo' posterior. Seriously, it took TWO thongs and a chain to contain it. I suspect dude is using a new Axe scent "Bacon fat" and she is even now probing his back molars in hopes of finding a stringy shard stuck there. Is that some sort of glove she's wearing or a prosthetic appliance dictated by cock stroking carpal tunnel? Despite all this, the yellow melons in the right background redeem a photo I have to wear a hazmat suit just to look at (OK, it's really more latex than hazmat).
 

Along with the smell of a pool full of piss, I hear BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
 

Now we have a Donovan reference? They call me yellow mellons - quite right, slick!

BTW, there is nothing wrong with new wave. I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!
 

That chain maybe an industrial size strap on for that chunk of tard.
Me thinks he woke up and said Am I in Vegas, Note to self, remind buddies that what happens, stays
 

what a fat ass....
 

Bifurcated turd scenario
 

"...The Aristocrats!"
 

I've been caught stealing
Once when I was 5
I enjoy stealing
It's just as simple as that
Well, it's just a simple fact
When I want something, I don't want to pay for it
Especially an ass that fat
 

Fat moron with no future except abusing the welfare system.
 

strike that ass squarely with a 2 x 4 & the seismic reverberations could level central american villages...


... or all of central america, indeed!
 

@darksock 12:34
Was thinking same thing, he must be Xenu...way above us and knows it or thinks it anyways
 

DB1, Your last couple of ass pears suck.
 

I have a horse that would pee in her butt.
 

go to dresssox.com and you can have all the ass pear YOU might want.
 

Ain't found a way to spank that yet
Eyes burn with stinging sweat
Seems every ass leads me to nowhere
Wife and kids, household pet
Pool chlorine was no safe bet
The ass cheeks scream to me from somewhere

Here they come to spank the ass pear
Yeah, here come the ass pear, yeah
You know she ain't gettin' wide
No, no, no, ya know she ain't gettin' wide

Walkin' tall erection man
They sit on me in my home land
Gloria sent me pictures of her ass
Got my pills 'gainst crotch rotting death
My buddy's breathin' her giant cleft
Oh God please wont you help me make it through

Here they come to sniff the ass pear
Yeah here come the ass pear, yeah
You know she ain't gettin' wide
No, no, no ya know she ain't gettin' wide...
 

Plinky's mom... the preschool years
 

@ Mr. White

Give Jerry Cantrell a call, he needs you.

I want to take that chain, attach a few rusty grenade shells to it and then use it on her like anal beads.

And no, that wasn't meant to be sexy.
 

Ass Pear in Chains is both a critique of struggle in Chains and operates as part of our primary couple. Shielded by douche-cap, suggest innocent, idealized youthful abstract sexuality via simulacra. Pear in Chains abstract gender and sexuality, a celebration of struggle in a critical social deconstruction of celebratory echo.

The anonymous faces of the female torso as part of water is a deconstruction of a piercing critique of the forced objects of sexualized display. Perhaps "we go in vain." Ass Pear in Chains is a spectacle and both a celebration of celebratory echo and deconstruction. The negative space torso is a habit of echo in the academy. "We are strange beings, we seem to reconsider the female torso as part of contemporary cultural habit." The anonymous faces of gender and sexuality via simulacra in 2023, suggest pastiche, and my genius for reconfiguring image, gender and densely packed bodies function as a piercing critique of gender and sexual freedom. The background display of us recognized the female ass in chains.

Chains is both a critique of sexual freedom and the anonymous faces of sexual freedom. The background display of contemporary cultural habit as alienized critique is imposed by female ass. The anonymous faces of sexualized display. Perhaps we go in Chains" as alienized and abstract, a piercing critique of celebratory echo. The anonymous faces of sexualized display shielded Guggenheim. Perhaps we go free, but we go free and we seem to reconsider the strongest of contemporary cultural habit in critical social deconstruction. The background display of the chain across her butt genius spectacle academy, is gender simulacra stylization while critiquing the female ass.
 

A friend of mine has a very cool Markov generator... I just fed DB1s article in and got that. Thought you all would enjoy.
 

A 25-year-old Douche cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a Higher class family, police reported Sunday.

After unsuccessfully petitioning her father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official.

This is a true story with a couple of changes
 

@ DarkSock 12:34 AM

Burn baby burn!!! Flame that fool named after a film by pretentious yawn-meister Jim Jarmusch.

But I digress. My good friend Doctor Kildouche analysed this pic. His diagnosis: Asspearger's Syndrome.
 

secretly, i wanted a hotter ass pear to go with this post.

but in a greater sense, a tribute to Alice in Chains is as good as any. when we grunge, it's about the passion and the expression of it all, not how hot the chicks are, or whether there are any hot chicks involved!
 

[wo]Man is born free and everywhere is in chains.
-Jean Jacques Douchesseau
 

@Mr. White: -were those the lyrics to 'The PooSter' ?
 

I see a chain-gang-bang in her future.
 

This ass-pear knows all about doggystyle, yes she does. And she wears a choke-chain, too. What a bitch!
 

When DB1 is done digging his tongue out of his cheek, he can tell us all about Eminem being tea-bagged by Sasha Baron Cohen. In public. At an awards ceremony.

He may then analyze and deconstruct his own analysis of the visual, because GODALMIGHTY, it was some visual!

And as for Ass Pear in Chains, if she ever has a kid this will be good blackmail material, if she has any shame, which she apparently hasn't.
 

Fom another perspective, one could say that she has deconstructed a gay male in leather with a chain taut around his ball-sac, and is now in full imitation herself of the macho presentation. Her butt is a mighty large scrote, her torso the mighty large member.

Just thinkin' outside the box...
 

If anyone was ever deserving of an ass-whooping, it is Ass Pear in Chains. As soon as I find a winch,a chain-link fence, and a whip, I'll be right back.