Sunday, March 22, 2009
Samurai Scrøte Sunday
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So it wasn't an isolated incident.. He really is the douche one-man-band.
-Scroatian
-Scroatian
# posted by 
: 8:07 AM
: 8:07 AM
Last night I celebrated the birthday of one of good friends. We drank A LOT of alcohol over the clorse of several hours and I just woke up feeling like I swallowed a love cat and then got run over by a Peterbilt. Then I grabbed the old iPhone and pointed my Safari browser to HCwDB.com and saw Samurai Scrote with four babes and a guitar and now I feel like one million dollars.
# posted by : 8:09 AM
: 8:09 AM
I still want Samurai Scrote to cross the Sea of Japan to link up with Douche Lee...the cataclysmic effect of synergistic scrotosity would be awesome...and the photo would be a classic.
# posted by : 8:10 AM
: 8:10 AM
Was this after a Salvation Army fashion show or was this taken in 1987?
Sorry, but the hottest thing in this picture is the guitar strap.
Sorry, but the hottest thing in this picture is the guitar strap.
# posted by : 8:43 AM
: 8:43 AM 
Samurai Scrote plays one chord and the world rejoices.
Sam plays with one hand better than Satriani could ever dream of.
Fuck you DJ Bello
Sam plays with one hand better than Satriani could ever dream of.
Fuck you DJ Bello
Samurai Scrote doesn't need Hot Chicks to get onto Hot Chicks with Douchebags.
Samurai Scrote has been wearing that same bandanna since 1976.
Samurai Scrote was born in a suit.
Samurai Scrote reminds us what could have happened to the Blues Brothers if it had all gone terribly wrong.
Samurai Scrote has been wearing that same bandanna since 1976.
Samurai Scrote was born in a suit.
Samurai Scrote reminds us what could have happened to the Blues Brothers if it had all gone terribly wrong.
# posted by : 9:02 AM
: 9:02 AM
Samurai Scrote has watched Tombstone more than a million times. He'll be your Huckleberry. Just give him the nod.
Samurai Scrote is the world's most renowned surgeon.
He will slice you at any given moment for any reason he sees fit
He will slice you at any given moment for any reason he sees fit
Samurai Scrote's suits are so sharp he circumcised himself dressing one morning.
# posted by : 9:14 AM
: 9:14 AM
The legend douches on. Don't tell me we're going to have another 10,000 post thread here, though.....
Oh, go ahead and tell me! You know if Samurai Scrote wills it, it must happen.
Oh, go ahead and tell me! You know if Samurai Scrote wills it, it must happen.
Aw, where's sparkly Carolyn?
I know Samurai Scrote does not need Sparkly Carolyn to be complete, but I do.
I know Samurai Scrote does not need Sparkly Carolyn to be complete, but I do.
# posted by : 9:58 AM
: 9:58 AM
Samurai Scrote mocks a mere 10,000 comment thread. When Samurai Scrote says "Comment" the internet trembles.
# posted by : 10:04 AM
: 10:04 AM
Samurai scrote lacerates his penis with his guitar strings
He then proceeds to wail on them in retaliation
He then proceeds to wail on them in retaliation
Wow, his hotts are much more colorful this time... and by colorful i mean they look like Siberian whores who just moved to a major city and discovered tanning.
# posted by : 10:08 AM
: 10:08 AM
Samurai Scrote has a wall of zits underneath his headband cuz he believes washing it will destroy his gorilla testicles
@Gaijindouche
Samurai Scrote is playing his new song "The story of the white horse I transformed into a bevy of demi-Hotts by cheer force of will"
Samurai Scrote is playing his new song "The story of the white horse I transformed into a bevy of demi-Hotts by cheer force of will"
# posted by : 10:09 AM
: 10:09 AM
I don't believe this is a real picture.
There are 7 heads in this picture.
They took this photo at a stadium.
There are 7 heads in this picture.
They took this photo at a stadium.
# posted by : 10:24 AM
: 10:24 AM
Samurai Scrote played the brown note, but in reverse, and all the shit in the world went back up into everyone's asses. True story.
Why is S.S not in the Hall of Scrote yet? Dude belongs in there big time, like I belong inside Sophia Bush.
love sam scrote. good way to start off a hangover morning. or afternoon. whatever this is. i do miss the sparkly chick though. minx on the far right looks like she could be persian or something?
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
All you have to do, dear HCwDB reader, is look into this picture, and believe in your heart that this truly is Sämurai Scrøte… then all your sins will be washed away. The divine trinity of Sämurai Scrøte the Father, Sämurai Scrøte the Son, and Lamp should be, and shall be, enshrined in the HoS for ever and ever.
Make it so DB1… make it so.
Make it so DB1… make it so.
I think one would need a fire hose to wash off the make up on those girls. Shiny!
# posted by : 11:18 AM
: 11:18 AM
scrantdidlyyooowww! beeyyannnt, byow byow byow bedang. scrant scriddly yow yow brroowwr. . . ben, ben, beeyow beeyow, yow.
Samurai Scrote shreds up the young sluts convention. How come he got an invite and not me??
Samurai Scrote shreds up the young sluts convention. How come he got an invite and not me??
. . . another postmodern apocalypse of douche in black and white. the world of color is hateful to samurai scrote, who masterfully shreds hott with axe. the smiles on the faces of all the cunny he encounters are the same, and are as vapid as the mind that bears the bandana of douche, a smile so inexpressive and so indicative meanwhile of its own meaninglessness, that lao tzu is said to have attained nirvana in its eternal contemplation.
-snaggledouche
-snaggledouche
# posted by : 12:14 PM
: 12:14 PM
The world rejoices for all is poo. My shredding is the pinnacle of all song - one note from my fingers is the one note of all understanding, as all imagination is poo.
Surrender to the heavy metal strains of SÄMÜRÄI SCRØTË!!!
And sniff my poo.
Surrender to the heavy metal strains of SÄMÜRÄI SCRØTË!!!
And sniff my poo.
When George Harrison went and learned sitar, and then got Paul and John into the sitar, and then started recording psychadelic rock and roll with a lead sitar, and ukalele, he was merely preparing the masses for Samurai Scrote.
Samurai Scrote went to Juilliard and refused to play anything except Coldplay songs. He graduated anyway.
When Samurai Scrote caresses those strings the humadruzz retunes itself to accompany him and, for one magical moment of suspended time, Gaia is a bleeth.
# posted by : 2:19 PM
: 2:19 PM
Samurai Scrote is so avant-garde that he doesn't play stadiums - he plays their reception lounges.
# posted by : 2:20 PM
: 2:20 PM
Samurai Scrote is the only douche on here that makes me comment repeatedly as a way to stop looking at him. By typing this shit I am emptying my mind of his face, his stare and his guitar. Omm-padme-omm...
# posted by : 2:21 PM
: 2:21 PM
Samurai Scrøte leads while giving Chuck Norris Tango lessons.
No, I have no idea what that means either. I need another boilermaker.
No, I have no idea what that means either. I need another boilermaker.
# posted by : 2:32 PM
: 2:32 PM
Samurai Scote is working on a cover version of Mr Scumbaglia's recent masterpiece.
# posted by : 2:34 PM
: 2:34 PM
Samurai Scrote (even) can hold a plectrum with his prostate, stick that guitar up his ass and still play Smoke on Water backwards.
# posted by : 2:36 PM
: 2:36 PM
Samurai Scrote says I should shut the hell up because I sound like I have been possessed by Darksock's younger, less funny brother.
# posted by : 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM
Good gawd. I thought Samurai Scrote was a one off. He's MADE A FUCKING CAREER of being a skeezy douchebag.
Argh.
I got nothin. This guy just blows my mind.
Argh.
I got nothin. This guy just blows my mind.
# posted by : 3:31 PM
: 3:31 PM
And WHAT THE FUCK is up with Jackson guitars that they require a HANDLE? Jeepers - ANY fuckwit with half an ounce of sense uses a guitar case.
I could see it now - SS waltzes into a gig carrying the guitar by its dorky handle.
"Hi! I'm Here! Where do I plug in?"
Jackson guitars are the douchiest guitars. Ever. Hipsterbags go for the Danelectros, people who care about tone get Gibsons, blangy rockers get Fenders, People into strummy get Rickenbackers, metalheads go for ESP or Ibanez, but only douchebags go for the Jackson with the handle in it.
Because with the handle, you cna carry it. Ya know.
I could see it now - SS waltzes into a gig carrying the guitar by its dorky handle.
"Hi! I'm Here! Where do I plug in?"
Jackson guitars are the douchiest guitars. Ever. Hipsterbags go for the Danelectros, people who care about tone get Gibsons, blangy rockers get Fenders, People into strummy get Rickenbackers, metalheads go for ESP or Ibanez, but only douchebags go for the Jackson with the handle in it.
Because with the handle, you cna carry it. Ya know.
# posted by : 3:39 PM
: 3:39 PM
Samurai Scrote has a puzzled look on his face after transforming a woman, whom he once held in his arms, into that guitar that he dreamt about the other night.
# posted by : 4:57 PM
: 4:57 PM
If he actually plugged in that guitar and played that chord--which I believe is an A-flat-demolished-fifth--the planets would align themselves in a harmonic convergence.
When he heard Samurai Scrote play, "Theme from Doctor Zhivago," Esteban doused his factory with gasoline, lit a match, and wept...
It's as if Dethklok gang-raped Rick Ocasek and then Borat decided to raise the child as his own even though Maury Povich told him "you are not the father!"
# posted by : 5:59 PM
: 5:59 PM
That crafty Sam... He somehow weaseled his way into the First Class passenger lounge at the Bangkok airport.
And by weaseled, I mean became a coke mule...
And by weaseled, I mean became a coke mule...
Remember when we had the video of Sam Scrote actually playing the song in some douche-ass music video, but for some reason there was no noise?
I think it was a friday/sunday links/thoughts thread. And I remember that the website that hosted the video had gone under, coincidentally.
Troy Tempest, you definitely know more about guitars than me, but I think that's an Ibanez. Modeled by none other than Steve Vai. Whose doucheality has already been called into question back in January.
From what I remember the votes were split amongst:
-Total Douchebag
-Rock Icon Nottadouche
-and Who the Fuck is He?
My guitar teacher has one too, because he idolized Steve Vai growing up. And, despite the picture on his site, he's really not a douchebag. Ordinarily he has glasses, wears jeans and t-shirts, plays halo, and thinks remote controlled helicopters kick ass. I think the guitar just brings it out of people.
I think it was a friday/sunday links/thoughts thread. And I remember that the website that hosted the video had gone under, coincidentally.
Troy Tempest, you definitely know more about guitars than me, but I think that's an Ibanez. Modeled by none other than Steve Vai. Whose doucheality has already been called into question back in January.
From what I remember the votes were split amongst:
-Total Douchebag
-Rock Icon Nottadouche
-and Who the Fuck is He?
My guitar teacher has one too, because he idolized Steve Vai growing up. And, despite the picture on his site, he's really not a douchebag. Ordinarily he has glasses, wears jeans and t-shirts, plays halo, and thinks remote controlled helicopters kick ass. I think the guitar just brings it out of people.
§amurai S¢rote brushed his palm against her exposed thigh. Lucinda stiffened. She picked up her cup and swallowed arduously, trying to ignore the lusty sensations holding her hostage. He pressed his lips against her ear, sending a thrilling shiver along the back of her neck.
Well, that certainly didn't help, she thought.
Lucinda released a small, strangled cough and cleared her throat. Then she held her breath and counted to ten, remembering that counting to ten was supposed to be good for something.
§amurai S¢rote reached for a piece of flatbread. He scooped a small amount of a dark orange topping from a bowl and dabbed it on top.
"Here," he said.
Lucinda reached for it but he stopped her hand and brought the bread to her mouth instead.
"Open your mouth."
"And say ah?" Lucinda jested, but as soon as the word ah left her lips, he popped his bulbous flesh-piston into her mouth. She closed her mouth with a small chortle.
It tasted like peaches.
Well, that certainly didn't help, she thought.
Lucinda released a small, strangled cough and cleared her throat. Then she held her breath and counted to ten, remembering that counting to ten was supposed to be good for something.
§amurai S¢rote reached for a piece of flatbread. He scooped a small amount of a dark orange topping from a bowl and dabbed it on top.
"Here," he said.
Lucinda reached for it but he stopped her hand and brought the bread to her mouth instead.
"Open your mouth."
"And say ah?" Lucinda jested, but as soon as the word ah left her lips, he popped his bulbous flesh-piston into her mouth. She closed her mouth with a small chortle.
It tasted like peaches.
oh good grief.
The Samurai Scrote Phan Club does give me a chuckle, tho'. Let me try...
The arrow on Samurai Scrote's mandana points down, the market goes down.
--VS
The Samurai Scrote Phan Club does give me a chuckle, tho'. Let me try...
The arrow on Samurai Scrote's mandana points down, the market goes down.
--VS
# posted by : 6:27 PM
: 6:27 PM
I can't believe I called myself friends with a guy that looks like this wannabe
# posted by : 6:36 PM
: 6:36 PM
Samurai Scrote is well known to be the only guitar player who can pull of hammer ons and pinch harmonics using his dick head.
Samurai Scrøtë has considered resurrecting Roy Orbison and George Harrison so the Traveling Wilburys can open for him.
Douchieosis wrote:
Troy Tempest, you definitely know more about guitars than me, but I think that's an Ibanez. Modeled by none other than Steve Vai.
Holy fuck - you're right.
I thought it was a jackson just from a quick gander at the headstock and just cuz jackson makes some seriously stupid looking guitars or totally boring looking guitars.
Thanks for the catch on that...
I need some sleep...
Troy Tempest, you definitely know more about guitars than me, but I think that's an Ibanez. Modeled by none other than Steve Vai.
Holy fuck - you're right.
I thought it was a jackson just from a quick gander at the headstock and just cuz jackson makes some seriously stupid looking guitars or totally boring looking guitars.
Thanks for the catch on that...
I need some sleep...
# posted by : 7:40 PM
: 7:40 PM
Its alright Troy. You'll be able to melt everyone's mind with your transcending rhetoric in the morning.
And the song Scrote just finished singing to his Samerbabes?
Paul McCartney's "Silly Love Songs"
Paul McCartney's "Silly Love Songs"
# posted by : 9:06 PM
: 9:06 PM
Tsamurai Tscrote throws a Black and White Ball in a tstadium in honor of the memory of Truman Capote.
Good lord, he's baaaackkkkk!
Good lord, he's baaaackkkkk!
# posted by : 10:27 PM
: 10:27 PM
There are a million stories in The Nekkid City, but Samurai Scrote's isn't one of them.
# posted by : 10:35 PM
: 10:35 PM
when Samuriai Scrote eats green peas...
Well then Tonga Pea-quakes happen.
Yea, fucen upsidedown volcananoes with plane crashes to boot.
Im goin to bed soon..pees
Well then Tonga Pea-quakes happen.
Yea, fucen upsidedown volcananoes with plane crashes to boot.
Im goin to bed soon..pees
When Samurai Scrote throws a party, a little white seagull appears on his mandana and poops, and a giant white stag beetle impersonates his guitar.
Sam Scrote's totemic like that.
Sam Scrote's totemic like that.
# posted by : 10:40 PM
: 10:40 PM
There is also a Samurai Scrote Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Sorta like the Twelve days of Christmas, the Forty Days of Lent, and the Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.
Sorta like the Twelve days of Christmas, the Forty Days of Lent, and the Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.
# posted by : 10:46 PM
: 10:46 PM
When the cock crows, Samurai Scrote knows the white speckled hens are nearby.
# posted by : 10:52 PM
: 10:52 PM
oh fuck i missed out on all this conversation about Samurai Scrote. now my life is wounded in more ways than one.
but isn't it fitting that DB1 would put a SS pic in a one-pic-only day such as Sunday? for when Samurai Scrote enters HCwDB, all other pics step aside.
but isn't it fitting that DB1 would put a SS pic in a one-pic-only day such as Sunday? for when Samurai Scrote enters HCwDB, all other pics step aside.
The movie Six String Samurai is loosely based on Samurai Scrote. I say loosely because Samurai Scrote has no need to carry around a katana when his dick is a longsword sharper than a diamond tipped saw.
Coincidentally Six String Samurai has been sitting in my netflix queue for months now without me making the connection. Sam Scrote works in mysterious ways.
Coincidentally Six String Samurai has been sitting in my netflix queue for months now without me making the connection. Sam Scrote works in mysterious ways.
@ Troy and Douchieous
Yes, a Vai signature series Ibanez. The "monkey grip" allows Samurai to thrust love in a hott's direction while not missing a note, in addition to acting as a convenient handle whilst Mr. Scrote sips from an URC.
And you know he paid extra just for the gold hardware.
Yes, a Vai signature series Ibanez. The "monkey grip" allows Samurai to thrust love in a hott's direction while not missing a note, in addition to acting as a convenient handle whilst Mr. Scrote sips from an URC.
And you know he paid extra just for the gold hardware.
# posted by : 6:43 AM
: 6:43 AM
Samurai Scrote looks like Bernie from "Weekend at Bernie's" in this picture...the hotts are holding up his sorry ass so the legend of the Scrote will continue...
I didn't think Sam Scrote could get any better, but the guitar seriously does the trick.
nearly crapped myself laughing when I scrolled down and saw the pic.
This proves it people! The necktie headband was definitely not a 1-time deal.
nearly crapped myself laughing when I scrolled down and saw the pic.
This proves it people! The necktie headband was definitely not a 1-time deal.
Somebody told me Samurai Scrote was back, this time with multiple ladies. He sure strings them along. Do you suppose we'll ever see him without his manadana and sunglasses? Will we ever see him getting a massage or giving one? Will we ever hear him release a recording featuring his guitar riffs? Women just want to know, men can do the other part by mocking him to eternity. In keeping with the site's douchebag qualities, Samurai Scrote sure is way cleaner by comparison. He looks bathed and well-groomed and does't even hint at poo. You could say he does reek, but I bet he doesn't use AXE, although someone should give him a razor so he can shave that silly hair off his face.
I bet he even walks barefoot on the beach with his clothes on, and just his trousers rolled. HE sure is a mystery to me. And to DB1, too. Carry on.
I bet he even walks barefoot on the beach with his clothes on, and just his trousers rolled. HE sure is a mystery to me. And to DB1, too. Carry on.
# posted by : 11:37 AM
: 11:37 AM
Samurai Scrote's guitar is made entirely from bleeth-teeth ivory and dried Fung-flesh
# posted by : 11:54 AM
: 11:54 AM
Samurai Scrote is disappointed by the comment count and fears that too many of the people here have been seduced by Ted's Crimsonicity.
# posted by : 11:55 AM
: 11:55 AM
I have a Gibson and a Gretsch. Does that thing have a handle on it? I've never seen that, but my garage band days (and rock star dreams) vanished with Jimmy Carter so who knows who's designing what.
That being said, this guy still reminds me of my college roommate 25 years ago. They dress the same, are tall and spindly, and have that "I have never shaved my upper lip because I really can't grow a mustache" look. Of course my former roomie is now a building contractor on the east coast. Maybe that's Samurai Scrote's future?
That being said, this guy still reminds me of my college roommate 25 years ago. They dress the same, are tall and spindly, and have that "I have never shaved my upper lip because I really can't grow a mustache" look. Of course my former roomie is now a building contractor on the east coast. Maybe that's Samurai Scrote's future?
# posted by : 1:51 PM
: 1:51 PM
@ whoop-di-douche at 10:52PM
Speaking of white speckled hens, you know that little white speck on the top of chicken shit? That little white speck is chicken shit too.
So ends the story of Samurai Scrote.
Speaking of white speckled hens, you know that little white speck on the top of chicken shit? That little white speck is chicken shit too.
So ends the story of Samurai Scrote.
# posted by : 1:54 PM
: 1:54 PM
Good Lord, I thought the first Sammy pic was a one-off fluke. This really is his schtick?
... and speaking of schticks, polkadott hott sets my twig and berries on fire. Hott of the month, IMHO
... and speaking of schticks, polkadott hott sets my twig and berries on fire. Hott of the month, IMHO
Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese oh yes I chink so (nu nuh nuhnuh nuh nuh nuhhhh)
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# posted by : 1:19 PM
: 1:19 PM << Home
