holy Sophia Loren in a wet t-shirt... Monica Bellucci is bella donna!
 

oh... & pass on the euro soccer bag... get some!
 

It looks like that guy just blew his load.

She's hot.

There are other chairs, just outside the frame of this picture.
 

Now that's just cheap. The dude makes a fuckton of money playing soccer and he can't even rent two chairs for him and his woman at the beach. I thought athletes were recession-proof. Guess I'll have to re-think this whole NFL draft thing.
 

ah, give him a euro-pass. most of those guys can't help it.

I'd actually rather see the tilted hat than the two-toned spike mullett hiding under it
 

Monica Bellucci is a classic beauty. I wish she'd find better movies to appear in. And by better, I mean films with lots of full-frontal nudity.
 

I'm suscribing to the theory that he just randomly sat down in this poor woman's lap. That would explain the whole "oh-my-dear-lord-that-baby-just-pooped-all-over-my-lap-pardon-while-my-brain-processes-what-just-happened-while-I-begin-to-scream" face.

I think we all know that face.

-Ponderonymous
 

He and that thing behind him are WAY over. She got her ugly ass dumped back in July and have been with tons of other girls since. She is bucktoothed!! There are way better pics you could have used in this post.
 

She is not a hot chick!! He has been with way hotter girls then her. You could have picked anyone of them other this this ugly chick with buckteeth.
 

She is not a hot chick!! He has been with way hotter girls then her. You could have picked anyone of them other this this ugly chick with buckteeth.
 

Total douche. Not to mention that he whines too much.

http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/1905/rooney3so.jpg

That says it all.
 

I would like to be a gentleman to her at a fine restaurant and buy her the most expensive wine.


Then I'd take her home, cover her in chocolate and rainbow sprinkles, and spank her with waffles while I sing The Eraser by Thom York in Cantonese.
 

Oh and by her I mean Monica Bellucci. Not the broad in the bathing suit with poo on her lap.
 

Anonymous wrote:

"She is not a hot chick!!"

I beg to differ:

http://www.zimbio.com/cristiano+ronaldo+sent+off/articles/69/More+Cristiano+Ronaldo+Nereida+Gallardo+Red
 

this guy is about as big of a douche as has ever walked the earth, but i he's good enough to warrant a pass. fair or not, soccer players get other-worldly amounts of ass no matter how lame they are.
 

@Anonymous 5:32

Thanks for that, I just left a wet spot on my stool. Wait...that sounded wrong...
 

I would like him to be my spicy meat-a-ball.
 

But he can be redeemed! Just toss aside the hat, take off that tacky chain, and he's a normal cutie with great abs. He can be saved! Praise Jesus!
 

I wouldn't sleep with that ugly broad if she was the last chick on earth. Not even with a paper bag over her head. I'll give him a pass on the fact that most guys in europe dress douche-like.
 

The abs do not make the man. you of all people should know that Hyper. I don't mean that in a bad way.
 

She is peeing in his butt; hence I love her; thusly fuck all y'all.
 

He looks like he just blew his load. She looks like he just blew his load, and looks down in disgust at her untouched cuddle bump that just shot from dripping with anticipation to snapped shut in disappointment.
 

Anon wouldn't fuck her because Anon is a eunuch. Anon may also be repressing homosexual tendencies.
 

Hypersexualgirl,

You can take a piece of shit and dip it in chocolate, and even give it a nice shiney candy coat, but when you bite into it it's still a piece of shit.

I hope you can see my analogy. The abs and shiny accoutrements are the chocolate and candy coating, respectively. His all-around quality as a human being is the shit, you know.

I'm not saying that all men with nice abs are douches. But most douches have nice abs.

-Ponderonymous
 

Plinky, wherefore hast thou gone. I need more "you're momma so fat jokes."
 

Of course I meant the Anon @ 6:43.

Anon @ 5:32 is my hero today.

This is why you fuckers need to just make up a name.

Even if it's 'Dave'.
 

Hark! Here’s a fútbag with abs made of steel
But for the opposite sex, he’s lost his zeal
So with buck toothed hott
I’d play Sir-Humps-A-Lot
And only demand that she bark like a seal.
 

Here’s a celeb sighting that’s mildly grotesque
But a perfect example of Grieco burlesque
So as matter of fact
If hott cleans up her act
I’d gladly bend her over my drafting desk.
 

Mad props Vin Douchal on the new song. Just heard it. I loves me some old skool country every now and again.

Something's up with the Vinnie's around here and the musical talent. Keep 'em coming boys. I wish my name was Vin instead of Crucial. I could change it to Vin Scully Head... make my boy Creature proud.
 

"Okay. Listen. I'm going to lie down on you, and like we said earlier, you're gonna put your teeth out and play with your hair. Yeah... Like that... Now move my hat... but not too much..."
 

Why bother looking at the first pic when we can stare at the Monica Bellucci pic?
 

monica belluci in "irreversible".
 

Thanks Croosh.

That urination sampling program is paying dividends.


Next week, Adam is singing it on American Idol.
 

Guys like this really force me to question my rabid fetishization of all things Italian. Even the food makes me horny. I'd probably let 3/4 of the north half of the country pull a train on me. The other fourth would be the Italobags, who could go right back to the beach and have a circle jerk, with this assclown as the pivot man.

I tend to find professional athletes repulsive purely on principle. However, Gennaro Gattuso could wear me like a pair of handcuffs. Looks like he's ready to start.

Fellas....while Gatts has his way with my nethers, suckle on a little Federica Ridolfi. Numnumnum...
 

Crucial...
That Monica makes me want to contract with Bil Taylor Design of Tucson for a green house getaway spa created just for her.

I'd sing a zillion Italian opera arias while zinging around on a Go-Kart with twenty-five capuchin monkeys dressed in little hula skirts and holding tiny paper Tiki-drink umbrellas just to get a whiff of the hands that massaged her boobie cleavite at a natural high desert spa hidden near Tucson, and seen only by a NASA satellite camera that was placed by a Convair Division of General Dynamics designed rocket thirty years ago.
 

Wow...that'd be one hell of a train. One hairy hairy train.
 

@ Arch

And I'd love every mile.

Scusa..."kilometre"
 

is this that day of the week already? limerick day? wouldn't have remembered if not for Croosh!

these days i feel that while douchebags deserve as much mocking as it takes to bury them in 40 ft of reinforced concrete, what really gets me going on limericks is pure euphoric gorgeousness. even if my brain thinks "man i should write an exclusively douchebag-mocking limerick this time because i haven't done that for a while!" my genital would say, "pssshhh, we have better things to do, such as writing limericks for HOTTIES!"

sad but true.

so without further ado, here's a limerick.

i'm glad i'm not a soccer fan at all,
free from the corruption of this slime ball.
the hottie i would tap
and drain her vaginal sap.
a just treatment for a bleeth with such gall!
 

oh and Medusa while you haven't broken my heart (because i've learned how to be a demonic, soulless, and heartless beast at the drop of a hat), i do think that your declarations of desire in this thread is going to wreak havoc for the remainder of HCwDB's existence. >:D

i feel like the Observation Specialist again.
 

As douche as this picture is, did not our humble narrator make some sort of rule for forgiveness of scrotatiousness when it is coupled with extreme talent and or fame?
And should not christiano ronaldo be granted at least some exemption for being recognized as the best in the world at his sport?
i think we can forgive, at least once.
 

Bitch need ta shave dat pussay.
 

Being extraordinarily talented should not exempt someone from being labelled a douche. Cristiano Ronaldo may be one of the best soccer players going around but he is a cheating, diving, petulant prima donna bereft of any semblance of humility or good sportsmanship.

Add a 15 degree hat tilt and some 24-carat Jesus bling and you've got yourself one almighty douchebag.
 

Remember, we call them Eurowennies, precisely because to call them dicks would imply too much of both endowment and intent. Why most of them affecting the look cannot even RISE to the level of douche displayed on the page below. In short, we are Sylvester Stallone, they are Frank. Now that the Ed
Anger jingoism is out of my system, he really looks like a fucktard.
 

The Portuguese Uber-Douche plays football. Soccer is unique to America, just like the...ahem...'World Series'. What Americans call 'football' is in reality a gay version of our 'Rugby'.

http://d.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/ng/sp/empics/4356493
 

@Doucheminster Fuller.
Perhaps boasting "We have better douches, and more of them" could just be seen as misplaced national pride? Hell, America has a lot to be proud of but that it douchebags better than anyone else wouldn't have made it into my top ten.
 

I've got abs like that they just haven't come out yet
 

It looks as though it could be his Mum too.
 

Ronaldo is doucheis extremis europeis, and by that I mean that I want to kick 50 curving toeballs into his drippy visage.

I can't believe that this hasn't been posted (and if it has, flog me with Ronaldo's nasty jock strap):
http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/ronaldo-wrecks-car--then-picks-up-bentley-1596382.html

The above is further evidence of his maximum scrotal classification. The article itself almost reads like it was written here...hmmmmm....

BTW, Bellucci FTW in hottest hott to ever hott the hotts. She almost, that's ALMOST makes me wanna believe in a higher form of existence. And by higher form of existence, I mean schwingtastically scoring a piece o' Bellucci Bella!
 

This guy is the URC of euro-douche soccer.
His USA equivilent would be A-Rod.
 

@anon 3:33 --

It's not his mom.

THIS IS HIS MOM:

http://www.dlisted.com/files/gimmethathotsex.jpg

You're welcome.
 

Soccer sucks ass.
 

Oh, and boobies.
 

Christiano is by far the biggest douche bag in the game of soccer. He fakes falls like no other. Calls out his own teammate in the world cup. and is just an overall bottomfeeding bag of dicks.
Thank you HCWD for posting him here even though his hot is surpisingly not hot at all.
 

@Anonymous

That one made her buck teeth look like chiclets sticking out of her mouth.
 

i can't hate on a guy who has a cannon for a foot.
 

there's something very jeri blank about her face.

I like it.
 

You can add fake boobs, an okay body, and a string bikini on shit and its still gonna be shit....and thats what this bitch is. Also I think she is Spanish, not Italian, either way Monica Bellucci is in a whole other universe of hottness then the skank behind Ronaldo. She had buck teeth and cellulite...what's hot about that?
 

@Scroteophobic

Bravo! I made a joke and you went meta on me, pretending not to get it and responding with an After School Special moment. Well played indeed, Sir.


p.s. I don't care what you call it, soccer is a sport for young children and pretty boring.
 

Soccer would be watchable if somebody, just ONCE, would pick up the fucking ball and HAUL ASS.
 

@ reluctant:

you're right. she definitely has that Strangers With Candy look
 

Jim - first of all, I'm positive you are one of those granny-stabbin', ambulance-shakin', chicken-countin' scouserdouches!

Your scouserdoucheness messes with your analytical faculties.

Now I'll glady accept that Ronaldo possesses many "douche-like" qualities. But what is douche? Is it just a crucifix on a waxed and bronzed chest? Does the douche not douche in order to get the hott, as DB1 says?

Ronaldo is the finest footballer in the world. He does not douche for hott. He could be caprophagic and still have hotts lining up at his kissin' booth.

Ronaldo: Be as douche-like as you wannabe - so long as you score goals, wins trophies and brings joy to United fans.

He may look douchy - but he is no douche.

For the righteous: Ronaldo is as good as god, in a godless age.

For the scouserdouches, he destroys dreams.

Hugs n' Kisses,
Douche Benitez's 'bag boy
 

Ronaldo is the finest footballer in the world.
On a good day, maybe. On a bad day he is a whining git with a balance problem and poor acting skills.

His attitude and attire scream douche to me. OK he can kick a football around but as has been shown by several examples of highly rated US sportstars on here skill is not an auto pass.
 

@Anonymous 11:16pm aka Douche Benitez

Let me respond to your initial insults before I counter argue your appeal that somehow Ronaldo is douche exempt. Never, never in my entire life have I lived in Liverpool. I deeply resent such a spurious and callous accusation, one that has no basis in fact or reality. Please let us refrain from such virulent ad hominem attacks in our discourse.

We must be dispassionate to most accurately observe Ronaldouche.
First, I live in Charleston, SC, and support the Charleston Battery, so I am unprejudiced toward the outcome of the Premier League. Your mentioning of United, however, indicates that you in fact have some bias towards this situation that may color your judgment.

Your argument is a series of contradictions.

"He may look douchy-but he is no douche." Is a contradiction in terms. Looking douchy is the de facto requirement for being a douche. No further analysis is required. Bag hunters are not forensic psychologists, trained to see through the carefully stratified masquerades of normalcy. No one can know the internal thought process of a complete stranger except when it comes to the douche. Their collective pathology conforms to one hideous outcome, which is to make visible ass clowns out of themselves for the sake of the hott. This is all we need to know.

"Ronaldo is the finest footballer in the world. He does not douche for hott. He could be caprophagic and still have hotts lining up at his kissin' booth." Another statement that leaves me in quandary. What is the need to douche then if he can get all the women he wants whenever he wants? Ronaldouche's turditide is compounded exponentially by the fact that he makes millions of pounds playing a professional sport and yet he still looks like he just strolled out of an izod outlet. This is the real crux, and in my opinion should qualify Ronaldouche for douchebag of the week candidacy. The hott justifies the means strategy has been proven to be null and void, but Ronaldouche has escalated his activities to a dangerous level of scrotitude and is on the verge of becoming a rogue douche. This puts us all in jeopardy.

"For the righteous: Ronaldo is as good as god, in a godless age."
Ronaldo is a false idol who should be shunned and not worshipped.

-Jim
 

Playing soccer automatically makes you a douchebag.

So Poonaldo here just got voted the biggest douche of the year by his peers.

Congrats ass wad.
 

Looks like a FAKE to me...look at that skinny little knee and thigh peeping out of those shorts. Kind of like early Photoshop where you take one guy's torso and put it on some dweezel's underdeveloped legs... But the hat tilt and Jesus bling look real enough to spell D-O-U-C-H-E.
 

Ballgirl straps on beach dildo for Ronaldouche. He leans back and takes the turnip like a git on the pitch. Rolls over, holding leg, screams "foul" looking for the ref to card Ballgirl. No ref in sight. Ronaldouche is a bad lover cause he won't use his hands. Eats poon with his feet. Plies it open like separating two slices of deli cheese. Offers Ballgirl a footjob--big toe on clit. Lays back, dreams about cocking David Beckham with his sweaty soles. Is a douche, yes?
 

There's a rockstar exemption...and there should be a footballer exemption.

And, for the record, Jim is a scousedouche and smells like pool.

Hugs & kisses,
Steven Gerrdouchebag
 

He's got that dreamy, moany, post-coital look that he gets after he sits in his boyfriend's lap. As long as he doesn't open his eyes and see the hott, he should be able to keep that fantasy going.