Monday, March 23, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
It was a relatively benign week last week for toxic HCwDB, but three decent finalists emerged to vie for the Weekly. Since your narrator spent much of it drunken, unshaven, and stumbling around under the Brooklyn Bridge trying to find his keys, it's a miracle he's even up in time to write today's Weekly.
But he is. And that foot is me.
Here they is:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Bandaidto
Quality Alba Hottness doesn't come along that often, so when it does, we should sacrifice a goldfish to Buddha and then flagellate ourselves with chicken feathers to honor her buttocks.
She is Latina Goodness.
He's a gangsta wannabe with a bandaid that looks like it was perfectly placed above the sunglasses-at-night to achieve a level of authentic gangsta toughness.
For that, he is to be Hello Kittied somewhere in Osaka by a gang of Yakuza.
I have nothing more to add, except that it appears someone is performing a colonoscopy on someone else on the monitor in the back.
One should really wear surgical gloves before performing a colonoscopy on TV. Otherwise it sends a bad message to the kids.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Purple Lips and Carmen
Some argue the "Gaybag Exception" applies here. Gaybag Exceptions were a concept developed on the site in 2007 to describe the fact that gay performative douchosity in presense of the hott lacks the true rage-inducing dialectics since gay/hott offers no legitimate threat of hott pollution.
I refuse to grant the G.E. in this case.
Something tells me Purple Lips knows what he's doing. The flaming hair, the douche-scarf + Rosary beads, and the table cloth shirt suggest too much clash to be authentogayery.
He is het. And as such, working the signifiers of gay subculture to achieve mass culture dominance, he is the HCwDB equivalent of the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Carmen is delightful, even with the cheesy hair extensions. She is bashful and bronze and I would fondle her best friend's collection of vintage Cabbage Patch Dolls until she kicked me out of her house.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Spring Break 'Bag
This was taken by a reader, and it also features that prime category of 'bag of whose categorization is the site's main purpose.
So for those two reasons I decided to give Breaky and Captain Morgana their shot in the Weekly.
Do not underestimate the primal douche signifiers in this pic.
The suckle abs on the Sorority Hott. The dual hand gestures + douche-lips on the Fratchoad. Mandana. Jesus tatt.
All around a prime case of all that is douche/hott in the universe, and all that needs to be mocked.
So them's your three. Which rises to the top? And by top, I mean bottom. And by bottom, I mean ass pear.
Dishonorable mention to Kurt's Florida Tag, lacking only facial specificity to make the weekly, and the craptastic The White Shadow, which just missed the cut. Honorable mention to Hot Peeps with Peepbags, which was tasty marshmallow boobie suckle thigh goodness and fake yellow tans.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
But he is. And that foot is me.
Here they is:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Bandaidto
Quality Alba Hottness doesn't come along that often, so when it does, we should sacrifice a goldfish to Buddha and then flagellate ourselves with chicken feathers to honor her buttocks.
She is Latina Goodness.
He's a gangsta wannabe with a bandaid that looks like it was perfectly placed above the sunglasses-at-night to achieve a level of authentic gangsta toughness.
For that, he is to be Hello Kittied somewhere in Osaka by a gang of Yakuza.
I have nothing more to add, except that it appears someone is performing a colonoscopy on someone else on the monitor in the back.
One should really wear surgical gloves before performing a colonoscopy on TV. Otherwise it sends a bad message to the kids.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Purple Lips and Carmen
Some argue the "Gaybag Exception" applies here. Gaybag Exceptions were a concept developed on the site in 2007 to describe the fact that gay performative douchosity in presense of the hott lacks the true rage-inducing dialectics since gay/hott offers no legitimate threat of hott pollution.
I refuse to grant the G.E. in this case.
Something tells me Purple Lips knows what he's doing. The flaming hair, the douche-scarf + Rosary beads, and the table cloth shirt suggest too much clash to be authentogayery.
He is het. And as such, working the signifiers of gay subculture to achieve mass culture dominance, he is the HCwDB equivalent of the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Carmen is delightful, even with the cheesy hair extensions. She is bashful and bronze and I would fondle her best friend's collection of vintage Cabbage Patch Dolls until she kicked me out of her house.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Spring Break 'Bag
This was taken by a reader, and it also features that prime category of 'bag of whose categorization is the site's main purpose.
So for those two reasons I decided to give Breaky and Captain Morgana their shot in the Weekly.
Do not underestimate the primal douche signifiers in this pic.
The suckle abs on the Sorority Hott. The dual hand gestures + douche-lips on the Fratchoad. Mandana. Jesus tatt.
All around a prime case of all that is douche/hott in the universe, and all that needs to be mocked.
So them's your three. Which rises to the top? And by top, I mean bottom. And by bottom, I mean ass pear.
Dishonorable mention to Kurt's Florida Tag, lacking only facial specificity to make the weekly, and the craptastic The White Shadow, which just missed the cut. Honorable mention to Hot Peeps with Peepbags, which was tasty marshmallow boobie suckle thigh goodness and fake yellow tans.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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...well because out of the three he's the one I'd most like to see round house kicked in the head.
- Douchey Smurf
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by 
: 7:06 AM
: 7:06 AM
On this, the 44th birthday of Richard Grieco, I humbly submit my vote for Spring Break 'Bag and his Flamingo Hott.
Purple Lips and Carmen FTW
While a relatively weak candidate (he won't go far in the monthly) he is by far the most representative of Douche in the bunch. Even forgetting the hair, the scarf, the piss drink, and the belt, his pursed lips and ignorance of the bent-over "Tee-hee" in front of him shoots him into the scrotosphere.
I did not vote for Spring Break Douche as he wrote into the comments (I think) and didn't seem too choady. Plus his Hott is, well Nott.
The Bandaidto may be an unfortunate chef who, being dazed from his recent oil-spatter-burn, threw a shocker instead of . . . well I guess there's just no appropriate time and place for communicative hand gestures unless you are in the company of a deaf person. Or Cocoa the Chimp.
While a relatively weak candidate (he won't go far in the monthly) he is by far the most representative of Douche in the bunch. Even forgetting the hair, the scarf, the piss drink, and the belt, his pursed lips and ignorance of the bent-over "Tee-hee" in front of him shoots him into the scrotosphere.
I did not vote for Spring Break Douche as he wrote into the comments (I think) and didn't seem too choady. Plus his Hott is, well Nott.
The Bandaidto may be an unfortunate chef who, being dazed from his recent oil-spatter-burn, threw a shocker instead of . . . well I guess there's just no appropriate time and place for communicative hand gestures unless you are in the company of a deaf person. Or Cocoa the Chimp.
# posted by : 7:07 AM
: 7:07 AM
Purple lips was my first instinct, but upon further review I think he is just a homosexual expressing his flair and willingness to gobble a cock.
I have to go with Spring break bag. His whole "yeah bitch i paid full price for these trunks at A&F" attitude makes me want to cut his tat out with a jagged toenail and rub a brooklyn street hookers tampon in the wound.
SBB FTW
I have to go with Spring break bag. His whole "yeah bitch i paid full price for these trunks at A&F" attitude makes me want to cut his tat out with a jagged toenail and rub a brooklyn street hookers tampon in the wound.
SBB FTW
Spring Break 'Bag. Purple Lips and Carmen are both revolting, and normally I'd be inclined to go with them, but there's a certain...something about Spring Break Guy that makes me want to stomp on his balls repeatedly.
Just when I was ready to cast in for Purple Lips as a no-brainer, scrolling down to Spring Break 'Bag forced me to actually put some thought into this. Damn you, SBB.
And since not much seems to be going on upstairs on this Monday morn', except lust for Heather, who obviously should be with me and not SBB, I'm going to give it to SBB and his horrifically douchey douche face. I won't even mention his 'bag hand gesture-'bag tag-Jesus tat-mandana power combo.
SBB FTW.
AV
And since not much seems to be going on upstairs on this Monday morn', except lust for Heather, who obviously should be with me and not SBB, I'm going to give it to SBB and his horrifically douchey douche face. I won't even mention his 'bag hand gesture-'bag tag-Jesus tat-mandana power combo.
SBB FTW.
AV
# posted by : 7:27 AM
: 7:27 AM
Purple in a landslide. He shall anchor the 2009 douchescarf trend which needs to be documented much like scripture.
# posted by : 7:29 AM
: 7:29 AM
@Gaping Butthole 7:12 AM
Hooker tampon in the wound... one word... awesome.
- Douchey Smurf
Hooker tampon in the wound... one word... awesome.
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by : 7:54 AM
: 7:54 AM
I decree that Spring Break Bag and his Not-So-Tiny Dancer will have the honor of losing to Crosshair in the monthly.
I have to go with the zeitgeist of my era, the Spring Break 'Bag. Whenever sand, schnapps, and suckle thigh come together, 'bags congregate and multiply. "If you 'bleeth it, they will come!"
Spring Break 'Bag FTW!!
Spring Break 'Bag FTW!!
"I decree that Spring Break Bag and his Not-So-Tiny Dancer will have the honor of losing to Crosshair in the monthly."
I'll second that...
I went back and forth between Purple and SBB, but even though GE is not to apply here, when I see the way Purple is holding his drink I had to go with SBB for the win.
I'll second that...
I went back and forth between Purple and SBB, but even though GE is not to apply here, when I see the way Purple is holding his drink I had to go with SBB for the win.
Purple Lips FTW. He makes endangered species kill themselves so their future ancestors won't have to be in the presence of such vomit inducing douchiness.
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
Purple Lips and Carmen for the Win! He's a maga-douche with that bizarro outfit and scrote worthy scarf. ya think he could at least coordinate his clothes instead of deciding by wearing the least smelly ones that are laying on the floor. Carmen is super cute without revealing much - what a babe.
Well, like many others before me, I was going to go with Purple Lips. ut alas, I cannot. I MUST vote for SBB. Let me explain.
First, the symptoms are somewhat less apparent if only given a cursory glance - the hand signals, dog tags, mandana, are somehow almost obscure. However, he then WAY overdoes the Jesus "bling" (if you will allow me some latitude) with the underarm tattoo. He also has begun to infect the hott - note the egocentric gaze away from camera and pose designed to air out her infected holes. Given the magnitude of all this, I must vote for SBB over the purple lipped DB, even with the ever more UCC present in the latter. Though I must add, relative to other recent weekly's, this one is more of a weakly...
SBB FTW!
First, the symptoms are somewhat less apparent if only given a cursory glance - the hand signals, dog tags, mandana, are somehow almost obscure. However, he then WAY overdoes the Jesus "bling" (if you will allow me some latitude) with the underarm tattoo. He also has begun to infect the hott - note the egocentric gaze away from camera and pose designed to air out her infected holes. Given the magnitude of all this, I must vote for SBB over the purple lipped DB, even with the ever more UCC present in the latter. Though I must add, relative to other recent weekly's, this one is more of a weakly...
SBB FTW!
# posted by : 8:16 AM
: 8:16 AM
The Bandaidto gets my vote. Because his bandage-strip is soooo much bigger then Nellys. Faux Jessica Alba always makes it hot in hurrr.
Bandaidto ftw
Bandaidto ftw
Purple Lips should take the advice of Senator Charles Grassley (R)-Iowa and commit suicide. Although Purple Lips may not face a congressional hearing committee for taking a bonus after receiving a multi-billion dollar federal bailout, his scarf, lipstick, frosted-tipped spiked hair, and disporportionatly long belt should get him a Douchebag of the Week.
# posted by : 8:20 AM
: 8:20 AM
Not even Dwayne Wade makes wearing a band-aid on your face fashionable.
That Dragon in the background of the second picture still freaks me out. It's the glowing eyes I think.
The spring break bag is the biggest douche of these three. That picture should win.
That Dragon in the background of the second picture still freaks me out. It's the glowing eyes I think.
The spring break bag is the biggest douche of these three. That picture should win.
# posted by : 8:22 AM
: 8:22 AM
Purple Lips ftw.
PL because he looks like a cross between Don King and Mr. T, because he wants to look like this, and because he thinks he looks good. I pity the fool.
Michelle Tyson
PL because he looks like a cross between Don King and Mr. T, because he wants to look like this, and because he thinks he looks good. I pity the fool.
Michelle Tyson
# posted by : 8:28 AM
: 8:28 AM
Abstain. None of these enrage me as much as the losers from other weeks.
And yet... my pants are still on fire...
And yet... my pants are still on fire...
# posted by : 8:33 AM
: 8:33 AM
I'm voting for Purple Lips.
I don't want to vote for Purple Lips; I want to vote for Spring Break Bag. I mean, look at the fool.
But, Purple Lips gets worse every time I look at him. He just keeps rolling out the douche like an effeminate Donkey Kong hurling barrels of Axe, product, and lip gloss at me as I try to rescue poor Carmen from both him and her Cousin It wig.
I don't want to vote for Purple Lips; I want to vote for Spring Break Bag. I mean, look at the fool.
But, Purple Lips gets worse every time I look at him. He just keeps rolling out the douche like an effeminate Donkey Kong hurling barrels of Axe, product, and lip gloss at me as I try to rescue poor Carmen from both him and her Cousin It wig.
The Spring Break 'Bag
It's the douchiest time of the year. They're out doing their equivalant of caroling...which is making kissy lips and pointing at many things at the same time.
It's the douchiest time of the year. They're out doing their equivalant of caroling...which is making kissy lips and pointing at many things at the same time.
Spring Break Bag.
2 peace signs, a smug look along with a mandanna, JC tat, and silenced dog tags?
Purple lips is a close second, but since he is obviously a flamer he gets a pass.
SBB all the way to the VD clinic
2 peace signs, a smug look along with a mandanna, JC tat, and silenced dog tags?
Purple lips is a close second, but since he is obviously a flamer he gets a pass.
SBB all the way to the VD clinic
#2 Purple Lips, FTWeekly.
He has obviously been sucking on an exhaust tail pipe, not a skin flute. Hence the hypoxic hue of his lip tissue, and no gay pass.
For the greater good, he needs to try a little harder to kill himself.
-Scroatian
He has obviously been sucking on an exhaust tail pipe, not a skin flute. Hence the hypoxic hue of his lip tissue, and no gay pass.
For the greater good, he needs to try a little harder to kill himself.
-Scroatian
# posted by : 9:28 AM
: 9:28 AM
Purple Lips ftw, hands down. I also disagree with Purple Lips gayness as he is just part of the natural (d)evolution of man, a product of the post-industrial age when scarves are not just for keeping the cold off your neck and men don't have to work the fields all day, and can instead tend to their coifs and accessorize. I don't condone his behavior, I'm just trying to explain it. I'd also like to paddle Carmen's behind with a hardbound edition of On The Origin Of Species.
# posted by : 9:34 AM
: 9:34 AM
It's criminal that The White Shadow didn't make it into the Weekly, especially with that ridiculously cute hott.
I cast a write-in vote for The White Shadow in protest.
I cast a write-in vote for The White Shadow in protest.
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
breaking bag and the bean pole babe fTW. She is a toasterstrudel of lithesome goodness, and he is a steaming pile of southern christian right choad.
PL ftw. he is fucking ridiculous looking, and even gay dudes need to be held accountable for their actions.i mean, why do they get a pass when they prob start most of these trends that DB's end up using?i understand gay dudes can't pollute hotts, but i think they can still be douchebags.and this guy is a douchebag.so fuck this guy and fish slap
# posted by : 9:51 AM
: 9:51 AM
Springbreak Bag all the way. And by all the way, I mean jamming a broomstick all the way up his ass for his crimes against humanity.
And the Hotte is the hottest of the hottes. So yeah...
that should count for something.
And the Hotte is the hottest of the hottes. So yeah...
that should count for something.
# posted by : 9:53 AM
: 9:53 AM
I had to log in by mobile from abroad to vote, but it's worth it to insist purple lips gets it. I do think whitey deserved a spot in the top 3, though.
I wanted to vote for peepbags, but will have to cast my lot for spring break 'bag.
which makes me hate that assprick even more....
SB FTW!
which makes me hate that assprick even more....
SB FTW!
Purple Lips and Carmen - because the volleyball scene in Top Gun really is that hot.
# posted by : 10:13 AM
: 10:13 AM
Well Cool Hand Douche took the words right out of my mouth. Gaybags don't get a full pass and Purple Lips is no exception. He has all of the obvious douche symptoms to win the week.
Purple FTW.
Fuck Kettlehead.
Purple FTW.
Fuck Kettlehead.
Purple Lips and Carmen, which sounds like some sort of eggplant and tomato recipe, YUK!
# posted by : 10:14 AM
: 10:14 AM
Gotta go with Spring Break 'Bag. Neither of the other two inspire the kind of homicidal rage followed by a desire to stick my head in a gas oven. They look like they might actually be smiling fer eff's sake.
No, Spring Break 'Bag offers no such niceties, because he doesn't need to. Just look at him. He's clearly entitled to everything he has, and wants you to know it. By that smug little smirk on his face that just reconfirms to the rest of us that sometimes, birth control can and should be retroactive.
Spring Break 'Bag for the win. And one more for the "woooo" hotties showing their tatas to a roomful of strangers in Panama City for only the cost of a tacky tee and some free watered down well drinks.
No, Spring Break 'Bag offers no such niceties, because he doesn't need to. Just look at him. He's clearly entitled to everything he has, and wants you to know it. By that smug little smirk on his face that just reconfirms to the rest of us that sometimes, birth control can and should be retroactive.
Spring Break 'Bag for the win. And one more for the "woooo" hotties showing their tatas to a roomful of strangers in Panama City for only the cost of a tacky tee and some free watered down well drinks.
After reviewing the contestants and the priceless commentary by DB1, I cast my vote for The Bandaidto. Spring Break Bag brings back too many murky/fond memories of a young Dimples circa '91, Purple Lips is way off the charts of Gaybaging but anyone with that many band-aids and no wounds deserves a few lacerations that require staples and gauze. Just please make sure the gauze is not lint-free. Oh and Latina Bonita, I would watch 6 days of Univision like a Clockwork Orange just for the chance to follow your Abuelita through Gaviota while she shops for discount fruit.
Je ne sais quoi. That's how you write it, asshole. Not "jenicie qua", that sounds like a puerto rican hooker's name. Fuck.
# posted by : 10:29 AM
: 10:29 AM
Purple lips.
I'd do something extremely painful to him, while doing something else of a sexual nature with the girl, blah, blah, blah.
Fuck Fish Slap.
Fuck the bags.
I'd do something extremely painful to him, while doing something else of a sexual nature with the girl, blah, blah, blah.
Fuck Fish Slap.
Fuck the bags.
Unfortunately I'm quite indifferent as to the outcome of this contest. I'm starting a write-in campaign. Please write in Samurai Cheadle for this weeks weekly. Samurai Cheadle FTW!!!
The Bandaidito bears a striking resemblance to uber-douchebag Pete Wentz, so he gets my vote for the Weekly!
Purple lips is comical, Spring Break Bag is very irritating. He is source douche. SBB takes it.
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
I fear I'm in the minority but I have to go with The Spring Break 'Bag. he is clearly a DB and she is HOT!!!
# posted by : 11:13 AM
: 11:13 AM
Purple Lips WTF.....
He looks like Eric Roberts. If was a toasty collagen injected freak. With the scarf and the finger in the socket hair do. He just screams take a baseball bat to my knees. Plus you know what they say about someone wearing white pants!!
Then there is Carmen who is already in a great position for me to play her backside like a bongo.
He looks like Eric Roberts. If was a toasty collagen injected freak. With the scarf and the finger in the socket hair do. He just screams take a baseball bat to my knees. Plus you know what they say about someone wearing white pants!!
Then there is Carmen who is already in a great position for me to play her backside like a bongo.
# posted by : 11:25 AM
: 11:25 AM
Well the Spring Break Bag may or may not have written in, and despite the retarded tattoo, kissy lips, head band, and douche gesture, he assured us that he wasn't as big of a bag as Purple Lips, or any of those other orange tan getting, hair gelling, douches.
Being that I think he's already won, I'll just say fuck it, give it to the lips.
But what I'd like to know is: Is DB1 a foot, and I missed the joke. Or is he a fool, but misspelling things cause he's hungover?
Being that I think he's already won, I'll just say fuck it, give it to the lips.
But what I'd like to know is: Is DB1 a foot, and I missed the joke. Or is he a fool, but misspelling things cause he's hungover?
I'm going with SBB, and I'm not talking about my favourite Polish ProgRock outfit from the early 70s (The infamous Silesian Blues Band...) but Spring Break Bag himself.
Why?
Because Bandaidito is just an idiot and his hott I don't find that interesting. She seems nice enough, but I get the impression I'd have to sand off at least three layers of DUH from her face before we got to a conversation.
And Purple Lips? He's a MAJOR douchebag, but he just doesn't get my rage up. I just look at his eyes, and they are full of glee and booze. He is a douchebag, but not a serious one - kind of like BRA!!! only a bit more pretentious.
But SBB? A fuckwit. And his ladyfriend? she gets 10 points for:
a. striking a pose straight out of some soviet socialist realist poster advertising the virtues of the young milkmaid, where you can sense in her movements rhythmic devices she will master - technological improvements that makes progress happen faster. This picture of the young milkmaid is made only of mosaic, but it's a monumental work, happy, joyful and heroic. but in the hands of bleeth boobs here, it's more like "KOWABUNGA! I want a good deal! I don't want to work! I want more money! I cuts corners here - you make more that way!!! Mein, bitte..."
b. the jebus tatts on his side are a permanent display of his stupidity forever. He needs to get his brain flushed. and he has the audacity to sneer SNEER at me. Fucker. Calling him garbage is an insult to all the jetsam in the world.
So, it's SBB FTW.
Why?
Because Bandaidito is just an idiot and his hott I don't find that interesting. She seems nice enough, but I get the impression I'd have to sand off at least three layers of DUH from her face before we got to a conversation.
And Purple Lips? He's a MAJOR douchebag, but he just doesn't get my rage up. I just look at his eyes, and they are full of glee and booze. He is a douchebag, but not a serious one - kind of like BRA!!! only a bit more pretentious.
But SBB? A fuckwit. And his ladyfriend? she gets 10 points for:
a. striking a pose straight out of some soviet socialist realist poster advertising the virtues of the young milkmaid, where you can sense in her movements rhythmic devices she will master - technological improvements that makes progress happen faster. This picture of the young milkmaid is made only of mosaic, but it's a monumental work, happy, joyful and heroic. but in the hands of bleeth boobs here, it's more like "KOWABUNGA! I want a good deal! I don't want to work! I want more money! I cuts corners here - you make more that way!!! Mein, bitte..."
b. the jebus tatts on his side are a permanent display of his stupidity forever. He needs to get his brain flushed. and he has the audacity to sneer SNEER at me. Fucker. Calling him garbage is an insult to all the jetsam in the world.
So, it's SBB FTW.
# posted by : 11:33 AM
: 11:33 AM
My vote is Purple Lips and Carmen.
I want to eat her ass and he wants to eat mine.
I want to eat her ass and he wants to eat mine.
# posted by : 11:50 AM
: 11:50 AM
By virtue of the fact that his facial expression is begging me to cross-check him into the boards in front of 50,000 screaming Red Wings fans, I have to vote for Purple Lips.
However, let it be known that if Poo were a choice, I'd be voting for him. POO.
Cordially,
Business-Casual Douche
However, let it be known that if Poo were a choice, I'd be voting for him. POO.
Cordially,
Business-Casual Douche
# posted by : 11:56 AM
: 11:56 AM
Frankly, I think the Vegas=Autobag is far worse than the Spring Break Bag. But I guess the Spring Break one was a home brew, while the former was a pro shot.
Still, just seems all too common to see that bagness. I feel like the world already knows to flush that couple down the toilet.
Now Purple Lips, that's just everything this site was about. Flamboyant douchebag who has no idea how much everyone wants to punch him back into the sewer.
And there's nottadouche on the left. He speaks for the rest of us, who scream "why don't you do something?" He is proof the evil exists because good men do nothing.
His presence makes this pic a special dynamic that represents what HCwDB is all about.
So, Purple Lips FTW.
Still, just seems all too common to see that bagness. I feel like the world already knows to flush that couple down the toilet.
Now Purple Lips, that's just everything this site was about. Flamboyant douchebag who has no idea how much everyone wants to punch him back into the sewer.
And there's nottadouche on the left. He speaks for the rest of us, who scream "why don't you do something?" He is proof the evil exists because good men do nothing.
His presence makes this pic a special dynamic that represents what HCwDB is all about.
So, Purple Lips FTW.
I'm going with Kurts' Florida Tag. I think she's hott enough to make it without ever seeing her face. And from his clear cup, he's a douche too.
I don't usually vote for non-canidates, but this week I feel like I have to vote for what what I believe is just. And by just I mean douche.
I don't usually vote for non-canidates, but this week I feel like I have to vote for what what I believe is just. And by just I mean douche.
Purple lips.
And I want to nominate Guido Overload for a 2009 Douchie in the category of Most Terror Inducing.
And I want to nominate Guido Overload for a 2009 Douchie in the category of Most Terror Inducing.
# posted by : 12:36 PM
: 12:36 PM
The winner is Spring Break 'Bag!
First he is more hands on with the hott. Second, the tat screams "I wish my last name was Gotti." Third, the silenced dog tag. Fourth and FTW, the mandana and weak chinstrap combo.
First he is more hands on with the hott. Second, the tat screams "I wish my last name was Gotti." Third, the silenced dog tag. Fourth and FTW, the mandana and weak chinstrap combo.
# posted by : 1:02 PM
: 1:02 PM
Oh, how cute! Our past winner, "Crosshair", has a little brother named "Purple Lip". But he must be disqualified for masquerading a straight douchy man in a time of economic crisis.
So, I vote for the Spring Break 'Bag. At least he is keeping it real. As in really douchy!
So, I vote for the Spring Break 'Bag. At least he is keeping it real. As in really douchy!
# posted by : 1:30 PM
: 1:30 PM
Within the confines of doucheology, Spring Break 'Bag and his Flamingo Hott fully graduate suma cum douchy and bleethy and celebrate by shoving their ideals in everyone's face they see. As if we should just know whos doucheshake brings all the choads to the yard 'cause according to them, their life is better than yours.
SBB FTW.
(God help us all)
SBB FTW.
(God help us all)
This is the toughest contest yet. Bandaidto is old man pants rank, plus bandaid, wristband, and shocker smell of bengay and egg farts. Contrast that with the cute little black skirted minx. She adds back what he takes away and then some.
But the 'Break Bag' offers serious competition, that is to say loathesomeness. I just don't like his Hott as much, a bit bleethy.
Bandaidtard gets my vote.
But the 'Break Bag' offers serious competition, that is to say loathesomeness. I just don't like his Hott as much, a bit bleethy.
Bandaidtard gets my vote.
# posted by : 1:37 PM
: 1:37 PM
Purple lips (from all that pole smoking) has out-douched Spring Break Bag.
Purple Lips FTW!
Purple Lips FTW!
# posted by : 1:45 PM
: 1:45 PM
Bandaidto? Nah...cholo's just clocked out from the line and is trying to tag his very own hott.
Purps? Go with yer 1st impression.
Definite FagBag in full-bloom gaybaggery. I mean, c'mon...look at that face.
So...
Spring Break Bag FTW: the complete package, and his Morgana Bleeth even ups the total ante by striking an attempt at commercial parody pose.
Purps? Go with yer 1st impression.
Definite FagBag in full-bloom gaybaggery. I mean, c'mon...look at that face.
So...
Spring Break Bag FTW: the complete package, and his Morgana Bleeth even ups the total ante by striking an attempt at commercial parody pose.
It's a weak week. SBB's hott is probably the hottest, but I am not supporting the "Got A Little Captain In Them" pose. Not now, not ever.
Purple Lips, because he's like the Botox version of what happens to me after I drink too many Seagram's Coolers. I like cherry because it's cherry-y and the bubbles tickle my nose!
Purple Lips, because he's like the Botox version of what happens to me after I drink too many Seagram's Coolers. I like cherry because it's cherry-y and the bubbles tickle my nose!
Part of me wants to say Purple Lips, just because he tried so damn hard on that outfit, but he (and I bet Lance Bass look-a-like in the back) are, um, not too interested in the girl.
My vote goes to Spring Break Bag. His Hott is hott enough, but this idiot went with the fake dog tags, a ridiculous tattoo, and a mandana that hides, I suspect, some douchey-ass hair.
SBB, put the hott down, go back to grad school, and take off the tags before someone who earned them chokes you with them.
My vote goes to Spring Break Bag. His Hott is hott enough, but this idiot went with the fake dog tags, a ridiculous tattoo, and a mandana that hides, I suspect, some douchey-ass hair.
SBB, put the hott down, go back to grad school, and take off the tags before someone who earned them chokes you with them.
# posted by : 2:26 PM
: 2:26 PM
Let's go with the Spring Break Bag. Tis the season. And hotts foot poised perfectly on the side of her lower thigh is enough to drive any man mad. Wow.
# posted by : 2:34 PM
: 2:34 PM
As a gigantic fag hag, I say to PL, "NO GAY PASS FOR YOU!!!" Most gay men know better than to go around looking like this. The ones who really want to make a spectacle go full-on drag, and end up better looking than most women (never felt more like a hideous troll than the time I partied at the Baton Lounge).
Otherwise, they put together an ensemble that is completely outlandish, but with flair and perhaps irony, standing out but keeping it together.
This choad is a sorry-ass mishmash of too many bad trends, executed in the worst extreme. The floppy horse-cock belt adds just enough of the VQ* to make the whole thing utterly despicable. I can only hope for a real band of queens to come along and slap the shit out of this dippyfuck, strip him naked and force him to march down the middle of Main Street singing "I'm Every Woman".
I will be waiting at the end of the road with a Garden Claw with which I will commence extracting his teeth. I already took care of Pisscup Blondie McStensions there.
PL FTW (Fierce Thunder-Whuppin'!)
*Vomit Quotient
Otherwise, they put together an ensemble that is completely outlandish, but with flair and perhaps irony, standing out but keeping it together.
This choad is a sorry-ass mishmash of too many bad trends, executed in the worst extreme. The floppy horse-cock belt adds just enough of the VQ* to make the whole thing utterly despicable. I can only hope for a real band of queens to come along and slap the shit out of this dippyfuck, strip him naked and force him to march down the middle of Main Street singing "I'm Every Woman".
I will be waiting at the end of the road with a Garden Claw with which I will commence extracting his teeth. I already took care of Pisscup Blondie McStensions there.
PL FTW (Fierce Thunder-Whuppin'!)
*Vomit Quotient
Well done...as usual, a fulsome troika of douchebaggery/hottness on display. While any one of three photos can easily induce vomiting, Breaky and Morgana have it by a mile. Breaky needs to hit the weights, and Morgana is about to board a ship for the island of Lesbos. You deserve a Nobel for the service you do mankind in posting these whacky douche photos week in and week out, without fail. Breaky & Morgana!!
# posted by : 5:53 PM
: 5:53 PM
It's like this--
Purple Lips and Carmen.
Here's why: it was noted that the douchescarf was the adoucherement of '09, and ol' Purp is sporting one. In addition, there is somethine about the lighting of this photo that works both for and against it-- Purp looks like he's wearing a latex glove, which is just strange. But even stranger is how he ensures the correct orientation of the straw in his drink, and the floppy belt... it is all a little too disturbing and by disturbing I mean douchey.
PL and C FTW
--VS
Purple Lips and Carmen.
Here's why: it was noted that the douchescarf was the adoucherement of '09, and ol' Purp is sporting one. In addition, there is somethine about the lighting of this photo that works both for and against it-- Purp looks like he's wearing a latex glove, which is just strange. But even stranger is how he ensures the correct orientation of the straw in his drink, and the floppy belt... it is all a little too disturbing and by disturbing I mean douchey.
PL and C FTW
--VS
# posted by : 6:12 PM
: 6:12 PM
Spring Break 'Bag FTW, because you in your infinite wisdom DB1 are right, at first I brushed him off as insignificant fodder and cruised past the picture, but after you've pulled him back up for the weekly I'm enlightened as to how truly punchable his stupid face is.
That, and I don't ever want to see Purple Lips again, for he, along with Poo, make me weep for the future of humanity.
That, and I don't ever want to see Purple Lips again, for he, along with Poo, make me weep for the future of humanity.
Since these three douchbags & hot chick douchebagguette can't win.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcJn5XlbSFk&feature=related
I'll have to vote for SB bag.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcJn5XlbSFk&feature=related
I'll have to vote for SB bag.
# posted by : 7:58 PM
: 7:58 PM
a lazy post-spring break Monday with less than 100 votes (as of right now)...
so where was i...?
oh right. spring break.
spring break bag it is!
for if the award of this weekly's prize is a 1-ton block of cement, it would be best used by FLATTENING SPRING BREAK BAG'S KISSY LIPS. because i'm totally respectful of kissy lips (and reasonably hot bleeths) like that.
so where was i...?
oh right. spring break.
spring break bag it is!
for if the award of this weekly's prize is a 1-ton block of cement, it would be best used by FLATTENING SPRING BREAK BAG'S KISSY LIPS. because i'm totally respectful of kissy lips (and reasonably hot bleeths) like that.
It has to be Bandaito for the weekly, because that face screams to the heavens, "Please god, will someone strike me in the gallbladder." I certainly hate the other two contestants, but for two very specific reasons, captain bludgeon my stupid face, aka sergeant fecal feliac, also known as Bandaito, must win.
1) Hott is absolutely delictable, a scrumptous morsel of sexy. She wants my left leg? Have it. An eye? Take it, I have two, it's hard for me to think of a body part that I wouldn't sacrife just to chew on one her old pairs of gym shorts.
2) Bandaito's face. He actually thinks that he is "hard," until of course some real badasses walk by, where he would immediately give Alba Hot like the coward scrote taint that he is. Eat shit and die, immediately please. If I have to look at his face for one second longer I'm going to claw my eyes out like a rabid badger. There is no god.
1) Hott is absolutely delictable, a scrumptous morsel of sexy. She wants my left leg? Have it. An eye? Take it, I have two, it's hard for me to think of a body part that I wouldn't sacrife just to chew on one her old pairs of gym shorts.
2) Bandaito's face. He actually thinks that he is "hard," until of course some real badasses walk by, where he would immediately give Alba Hot like the coward scrote taint that he is. Eat shit and die, immediately please. If I have to look at his face for one second longer I'm going to claw my eyes out like a rabid badger. There is no god.
# posted by : 8:41 PM
: 8:41 PM
Purple Lips seems unreal. I cannot vote for an unreal entity. SBB however is a very real, very douchey subject. He is the prototype douche, the very essence of douche with scrunched lips and eyes as well as his dog tag accouterments.
SBB FTW.
Which reminds me, whatever happened to the douche with FTW tattoed on his belly?
Side note: Carmen's hideous bangs played a part in my non-vote for PL
Clint Douchewood
SBB FTW.
Which reminds me, whatever happened to the douche with FTW tattoed on his belly?
Side note: Carmen's hideous bangs played a part in my non-vote for PL
Clint Douchewood
# posted by : 9:31 PM
: 9:31 PM
I was all set to yell out "Hot Peeps with Peepbags FTW!" but since I can't vote for them I'll have to say Purple Lips is the biggest douche this week.
Congrats to DB1 for pointing out that Purple Lips isn't a gaybag. One thing he missed though is the belt. Not even the poorest googuzzlerbag would own a belt like that.
Congrats to DB1 for pointing out that Purple Lips isn't a gaybag. One thing he missed though is the belt. Not even the poorest googuzzlerbag would own a belt like that.
# posted by : 9:59 PM
: 9:59 PM
Bandaito.
hoodie, check.
hand gesture, check.
whatever the hell he's using as pants, check.
The band aid is just gravy, and by gravy I mean diarrhea.
Jessica Alba is hot. Even all the bad movies and her abstention from full frontal nudity doesn't take that away. Chicks that look like Jessica Alba are also hot.
hoodie, check.
hand gesture, check.
whatever the hell he's using as pants, check.
The band aid is just gravy, and by gravy I mean diarrhea.
Jessica Alba is hot. Even all the bad movies and her abstention from full frontal nudity doesn't take that away. Chicks that look like Jessica Alba are also hot.
# posted by : 11:00 PM
: 11:00 PM
So many [bad] choices but I guess I'll go with purple fish lips because I can't get past that belt, rather, I can't think of anyone who would want to get past the belt.
Purple Lips FTW. He will be working out his mommy issues well into his fifties. And I'd love to nuzzle Carmen's butterscotch elbows.
Spring Break Bag. Very much 'Revenge of the Choads 2: Choads in Paradise"-y. Although Booger would still kick his arse up and down the shore.
# posted by : 2:03 PM
: 2:03 PM
Purple lips for the weekly. I don't care if he is gay. It isn't "trendy" to save the foreskin from your circumcision, stretch it out and wear it on your 21st birthday. Coupling that with beads, hair, big earring, lips and belt; it makes me to want to require a license before breeding. Are these articles of wear becoming to the douchebag what Moko is to the Maori? Except that the pain is being inflicted on everyone who happens to gaze in there direction, instead of themselves? NO, Purple Lips, it's not cool. Look, you made Carmen throw up. May that be antifreeze in your glass.
Purple Lips wins the weekly and my confidence in humanity drops a little bit every time I see this picture and others like it.
Douche Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni
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Purple Lips wins the weekly and my confidence in humanity drops a little bit every time I see this picture and others like it.
Douche Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni
# posted by : 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM << Home
