I don't think there is a word strong enough in English to say how much I despise this pretentious twat and her wannabe Bono husband.

Even her little Oompa Loompa friend there looks like rather get a staple in his eye then hold her hand.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Christ, he looks like there was an H-bomb airburst over his little tiny head. Burned down to the chin or so.

Coldplay is the worst fucking crap muzak in the whole world, bar none. If Chris Martin was in front of me right now I'd kick his tiny, shrivelled balls clear up into his larynx.
 

Look at the difference in skin tone between Valentino's hand and face.
 

Where did she catch the lepracaun?
An orange-skinned lepracaun...
 

@ Anon

Times are tough Anon, not enough money for Gatorade treatment to the face AND hand!!

Jeez

ASvB
 

BWAAAHAHAAAAA... I saw this photo online yesterday and wondered if Valentino would get a pass or not. Now I know. Little Orange Italo-bag, nice.

Hm...I'm not sure of the proper translation of "douchebag". And anyone I can ask is already asleep, damn time zones!

Forse' "borsa di doccia"?

Allora....Signore Valentino e una borsetta di doccia arancione? EHEHEHE!!! UN MITO!!!

Dai' un occhiata la sita di Gwyneth....e la "Oprah Bianca"?
 

oh, come-the-fuck-on people...

i could name several other bands that deserve more of a beatdown than Coldplay. I saw them in Rome and it was a great show. really. sure, maybe Chris thinks he's more important than he actually is, but that doesn't mean the music sucks as badly as...let's say Britney Spears, Jonas Brothers, My Chemical Romance, Sum 41, Yoko Ono, P.O.D., Lil Wayne, or William Hung.

and the list could go on, but Coldplay doesn't deserve to be on it. sure, they may be popcorn rock, but it's still somewhat relevant.


and if you disagree, fuck you. you're probably musically retarded anyway.
 

Coldplay sucks. Truly.

Gwyneth swallows.

A musician I was, for 900 years.
 

Wow - and to think I thunk she was a true blonde...
 

@pfah

Coldplay is definitely not in my top ten shittiest groups/artist, and the soft vagina friendly rock they produce isn't my cup of tea. But, because the lead singer is such a self-important twat, they won't stop wearing those stupid fucking uniforms, and because I can't stand their music like I can't stand Dave Matthews Band I gotta give them a thumbs down. But I'd throw on whatever album they just shat out over Jonas Brothers any day. Otherwise, I'm just gonna keep spinning Mastodon's new album Crack the Skye. Cause it is fucking incredible.
 

That guy should have a "Short Bus" tattooed on his ass and I even know someone who could do it goddammit.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

@Archidoucheis...brother, i am with you 98.2%. really.

i am going to go check out Mastodon's new album. so thank you. might i also suggest checking out the latest offering from Death Cab for Cutie? odd name, great band.
 

Gwynneth Paltrow is the John Mayer of bitches.
 

Gwen looks a tad pasty next to this orange little boy
 

i like coldplay... :(

...but i HATE their videos. and i hate reggaeton. ugh.
 

@pfah

You may suggest, they're not bad, but aside from the contagious song "I Will Possess Your Heart" I don't really care for much of their stuff.

But judging your like of music by the two bands you listed may I raise you a "The Velvet Teen"? Also an obscure band, with an interesting sound. The drummer is a BEAST.
 

@pfah again

Hell I'll even throw in a Pinback for you to check out. Really anything with Rob Crow in it (he's the singer/lead guitar player) including Goblin Cock, and Optiganally Yours where its Rob Crow and some other dude who plays an Optigan which apparently were shitty keyboard instruments from before I was born. Don't really know if that was more around your childhood.

That oughta keep you busy. But yea, I listen to a lot of shit.
 

I'm diggin' the Kinks reference DB1....nice.
 

You want to know how I know that you are gay?

How?

You listen to Coldplay.
 

@Archidoucheis...oh my. i have some research ahead of me thanks to you. but, it's much appreciated. anything to expand the horizon my friend. and add to the 7,000+ songs i have on iTunes currently. yeeesh.
 

What, him worry?
 

...fuck you DarkSock...you beat me to it...

...But I digress, Gwyneth Paltrow-Shakespeare in Love-side nipple, nuff said.

...man I thought you almost said Puppetmaster, cause that is one classic that shouldn't be tainted by musical comparison.

-see I used taint in a different way!
 

@ Anthony LaBaglia 6:27

You have some fucked-up friends
*Rolling my eyes and whistling*

@ Arch 7:09

Mastodon. Goblin Cock.

\m/ ^_^ \m/

Ever hear of Dixie Witch?
 

Coldplay >> Rush
 

i think it's no surprise that Bono really ripped Coldplay a new one a while back. because Coldplay is... well... Coldplay.

not to heap too much asskissing praise on Bono either. US's new album has some nice tracks, but if showmanship is water, then U2 would have died from drowning before the release of Pop.

but let's look on the bright side of music-related news, people. there's always heavy metal and its various sub-genres, including but not limited to Mastodon, Slayer, Lamb of God, etc. and Miley Cyrus was finally confirmed to be a skank, at the hands of Radiohead. hilariously victorious day for musically concerned human beings!

and that concludes my music commentary of the day.
 

@pfah

I could go on for days. I know my itunes does.

@Medusa

No, can't say I have. But after checking them out, I have to ask you, have you ever slapped your knee and chugged a beer to some Hank (Williams) III?
 

That little guy is ugly.

Gwyneth Paltrow isn't nearly as hot as she used to be.

The photographer on the far right is the ugliest person in this picture.
 

@anon8:33...you are a fecal pustule.
 

@arch
Scott H. Biram if you don't know all ready
 

Valentino, the "Last Emperor" of fashion designers, has recently retired, a movie about his life has been made,of the same The Last Emperor. He and his business partner and lover Giametti are fully out of the closet and open about their life together. Paltrow is a long-time client, as have been many movie stars and other assorted "rich people."

And yes, he uses an orange spray-on tan. Who gives a shit about COLDPLAY, you're all missing the point,which is the guy is a douchey shade of orange and she is pasty white by comparison.

Oh, and yes, he has a yacht, too, which might be a source of more sun than just a can of spray.

Every woman should have one or more gay boyfriends, so say the fag hags of the world. And if they are fashion designers, filthy rich and live like "emperors" with pug dogs and hired help and throw wonderful parties, all the more power to them.

As Fitzgerald said in Gatsby, "The rich are different from you and me." But we know they can still be douchebags.

Forgeddabout Coldplay, DB1, the music is not part of this VISUAL submission. Read more Vogue, Bazaar and WWD for visual baggery? It's all in there, and more.

As we all know, the best revenge is living well. In Valentino's case, he has lived VERY well.

And his first name is NOT Rudolph, it's Valentino.

And Jesus H Christ, everyone knows Yves St Laurent was the true emperor of fashion designers, and Karl Lagerfeld AKA Der Kaiser thinks he's one also. At least Valentino is Napoleonic in height. Yves was no party animal.

Party animal wins every time. Bra! Broheim! Oom-pah-pah!
 

He's a siutbag.
 

Samurai Scrote can fart in 7000+ musical toots
 

I would like to point out that DB1's taste in music in very non-douchey with his Steve Vai allusion.

"...Rudolph Valentino looks very much alive. And he looks up ladies dresses, as they sadly pass him by. Avoid stepping on bela lagosi, because he is liable to turn and bite...Success walks hand-in-hand with failure along Hollywood Blvd..."
-From Celluloid Heroes by Steve Vai

But clearly everyone else is too douchey to not know that (unless you are referencing metal, since metal is not douchey).


-Waiting for Godouche
 

Wasn't Vai posted on this a while ago?
 

Uh, ^this.

Too much beer.
 

@The Maiden, The Mother, The Bleeth

Scott Biram, duly noted. The Sword reference, also noted. A tip of my hat to you.

@baleen
Yeah if you go back to December or January and look for the Loop de Poop girl, she's pictured with Steve Vai. We also talked about him briefly in the recent Sam Scrote thread because Sammy boy has his own Ibanez Steve Vai special.
 

Coldplay is to the slugs in Puppet Masters as Rudolph Valentino is to the goblins in the 1973 made-for-TV Kim Darby vehicle, Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark.

I see your obscurity, and I raise you.
 

Come on, that's not his real face, it's just one of those cheap Ronald Reagan masks.
 

coldplay are shit.

they took one radiohead theme and made a fucking career out of it.

they were on parlophone too i think, same as radiohead. usually happens, A+R hears a 'sound-a-like' band and think, great, it ticks the right boxes, they'll sell a few records and my job is secure for another year or two.

the mcdonanldisation of music.

but back to the pic...i think the work that gwyneth does in the rehabilitation of midget burn victims is exemplary.
 

DB1, I'd rather you posted the pic of when Gwyn had put him on her lap and they do the Charlie McCarthy skit, that shit is hysterical! Just try not to think where she stuck her entire hand.
 

I think both Gwyneth & Chris Martin are pretentious over-bearing twats who think their lives are so important, but really, we all don't give a flying fuck.

I saw a clip of the Valentino documentary and his "partner" of 45 years told Valentino that he looked like shit because he was "too tan". BWAH!!!!
 

This isht is creepy. Almost as creepy as dudes who listen to Coldplay.
 

Coldplay are a bunch of thieves. They make Oasis look downrigh f*cking groundbreaking.

Sirius has dedicated the entire Liquid Metal station to Metallica. I may get through today after all.
 

downright




Stoopid.
 

Coldplay = elevator music. My favorite thing about them is the lame attempts at raking together an image/gimmick. Saw them on a few music mags with colorful tape around their fingers and little splashes of color on their blazers. Wow guys really? And fuck Fishsticks Paltrow... she comes off as an uppity bitch.

- Douchey Smurf
 

I can't decide which is more creepy, Designer Oompa, dudes who listen to Coldplay, or this thing.
 

@ Cheadle'bag

This Thing. Hands down.
 

@ Douche Wayne

I bet that thing listens to Coldplay.
 

@ Cheadle'bag

It has a few co-writing credits on some of thier b-sides.
 

Valentino here resembles Jack Nicholson in the first Batman movie, when the Joker put on flesh-colored makeup.
 

HAHA...it's the fucking grinch!
 

Dr. Cornelius traded Zira for the blond human.
 

Coldplay is everything that is wrong with music. At least everybody knows that the Jonas Brothers are Disney-packaged, fake-as-hell, shit. Coldplay pretends like they're something authentic, when in fact they're just a stinking pile of pretentious, watered down, pandering tripe. the fact that it gets you laid doesn't count - the ends don't justify the means.

and paltrow, while hot, is a self-important twat.
 

It's like the cover of a children's book: "The Littlest Douchebag".
 

@ Arch 9:00

Yes and yes. Not at the same time, though.
 

Excellent kinks reference. 10 points.
 

Thank you so much for your critique of Coldplay. I personally think they want to be Radiohead but prettier and richer (of course failing miserably). I don't even hate their music! It sounds good! If only better artists hadn't made this music years eaarlier, except with meaningful and important lyrics...
 

Is that Ompaa actaully Barry Manilow?
 

Coldplay still sucks.

Exhibit A:
If you're in a bar and a band is playing, NO ONE yells out, "Hey, know any Coldplay?"

Exhibit B:
There are no Coldplay cover bands. Why? Because Coldplay is a cover band... of Radiohead.

Exhibit C:
Chris Martin is a self-important douchebag.

Exhibit D:
There is no D. Fuck Coldplay.
 

I thought it was Cate Blanchett and Phil Spector
 

Again we have to go on the topic of Coldplay again? Can't you guys pick on someone else a little more original like John Mayer or Dave Matthews?


Metallica sucks. Besides that Sandman song and Give me fuel give me fire they are so horrible it makes me cringe. I seriously cannot understand how anyone can listen to that shit.
 

oh, brother, besides all the other good you do for society, i just wanted to thank you for that great coldplay analysis. coldplay tricks you into thinking it's good music, and then suddenly you get that dirty feeling, like you just jerked off to pictures of someone's dead grandmother. and liked it.