Don't be sad, DB1. We are here for you.

And yes, Twitter is utterly inane. But I do love Caddyshack.
 

@Angelo Mozilo link:

Holy shit! The Great Pumpkin has finally landed. And it looks like Snoopy blew his canine load in his hair.
 

DB1 can no longer be sad...
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

My word. That is the most "cat's anus" kissy face I have seen. Where is Cheadlebag and his magic Photoshopping when you need it? Turn that face on its side, add a tail and call her/him/it Felix.
 

YES! Better Off Dead references.

-Prince Douchington
 

... and I completely agree with the Seth McFarlane rip.
 

Har! I clicked on Lacy's Facebook page. I was surprised to see we had "1 Mutual Friend". I think to myself, "WTF? Which of my Facebook friends could possibly be friends with her?"

Answer: Jay Louis!
 

Actually on reflection the kissy lips are not "cat's anus" but "sow's vulva". Any beastophiles want to give me a second opinion?
 

Is that Sam "Scrote" Ronson?
 

No friday asspear?

That's alright, Friday thoughts is always great.
 

there's some beefy thighs in those spring break pictures....
 

Lindsay Lohan doesn't look great naked.

I would kick her boyfriend's ass.

They took this picture in a dressing room.
 

Brilliant Friday Thoughts boss.

And as such, the time has come for prophecy to be fulfilled. The writing is on the wall. And that writing says “Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin.” Which we all know is Klingon for: “The Maker’s Mark awaits our trembling fingers.”

Not being one to go against the Almighty’s oracle, I must heed Its command, and partake… profusely. For the time of the Revelation calls for intoxication with a bourbon libation. So saith the soothsayers.



And you will know this by the salty fuccen tears I’ll be shedding later this evening, whilst furiously flogging my phallus to fantastic images of fine cockkslapwhoars like Lacy Underall.


Until then, cheers to you, my ‘baghunting brothers and sisters!


O-Qua Tangin Wann. And Tarmal to all of you.
 

^ After re-reading that comment, I believe the alkeehall has already kicked in.
 

@ Crucial

Quaranza loggie-wan.
 

hey crucial

stop talking to your other personality
 

Florida needs to be scrubbed & acid washed... where's a good stage 5 hurricane when you need it... oh & please wash up bikini clad corpses on my doorstep... they're still good soggy!
 

Grumpledoucheskin crumples my nethers with an incendiary ptyerodactyl feather dipped in hot wax and baby oil.

And I was going to write a Friday haiku but couldn't bring myself to add one more and violate the sacred number 69 posts already present.
 

Bedazzled Ed Hardy Cap: The Crown Jewels of Douchebaggery
 

That 2007 article reminded me of why I axiomatically hated Southern culture before I even knew it well enough to know for sure. Then I moved South and hated it even more.

That article reminds me of some really bad times and feelings of complete isolation and rage.

I tip my URC to all this weekend!

Army of Douche-ness
 

Jeez, talk about scraping bottom.

Lacey Underall goes from fucking Ty to the The Soup Nazi.


Damn, get some standards, you were the perkiest little thang in your day.

Take that two-bit, one trick pony and tell him "No pussy for you!"
 

What's wrong with McFarlane?
 

What's worse....having the audacity to sell a bedazzled pile of monkey shit for $300, or the 44 (and counting) dirty dishrags who will clamor for it like seals barking for a smelly bucket of fish?

My condolences to all 'baghunters living in spring-break douche magnet areas, Florida and South Padre in particular. I'm pleased to say I'm in an area from which they exodus in masses to warmer climes. Yay, midwest!

Samantha Ronson....I can't believe ANYONE fucks that thing, much less La Linds. I've been real mad at my pussy before, but never, EVER that mad. Or intoxicated.

"Angelo Mozillo" is Sicilian slang for "Orange monkey shit."

Better Off Dead...an underrated classic. May the fat Rickys of the world keep their testicles off the hot French mechanic girlies today. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a pan of homemad arrabiata sauce on the stove I gotta tend to. After a long day of cracking theorems, Mr. White gets ornery if dinner's not on the table when he arrives. And by ornery I mean cock-slappy.
 

I'm assuming that the "her boyfriend is a huge douche" line was a joke, since that is Sam Ronson, her bulldyke "DJ" life-partner.

Either way, it's pretty funny.

Even moreso when you note the superior douchescowl and the really oversized headphones that appear to be attached to nothing.

unless they really are crankin some house music while drinkin coronas in a bathroom, this pic makes next to no sense.
 

If you guys keep ripping on Lindsey Lohan you're going to bring back that weirdo Preston Sprayberry, President of her online fan club and her biggest fan.

Truth be told.
 

@Vin -

"Take that two-bit, one trick pony and tell him "No pussy for you!""

Or perhaps "You'll get nothing and like it!"
 

From the comments section on that Georgetown article...
At the end of the day, they hate because they are jealous. Jealous of our priviledge, jealous of our economic success, jealous of our fun. I hate to say it but they hate us for the same reasons the terrorists do. Perhaps that's why they all want us to withdraw from Iraq and hand victory to al Qaeda on a silver platter?

Is there any type of choad more annoying than this? The poster afterwards hit the nail on the head "I just peed my pants". The really funny bit is that the commenter came back to defend his point later as well... Hate preppy assholes? Then you must be a terrorist sympathiser! Wow. Just saying "What an asshole" doesn't even begin to covert it.
 

"Better Off Dead" is a classic & very under-rated imho...I WANT my $2!!! Franch fries, franch dressing

I was walking thru Macy's department store the other day & saw an Ed Hardy shirt & decided to see how much it was, so I looked & then promptly had a heart attack. $68 Fucking dollars for a freaking shirt!! And the fugly-ass jeans were $80! Holy moly! These douchebags must spend their entire salary on clothing!

I am so friending Jay Louis on Facebook & I might join Twitter just 'cause he's there...no I am not a stalker...
 

hey you guys i havent forgot about what you jerks said about my lindsey that one time. i am neerly thru my crimenal justise deegree program here in minesotta and then its only a matter of time before i get hired on her securety team. then whose laughing hahahahahahahahahaha!
 

When a loan underwriter is that orange and has recently obviously gotten his teeth whitened to a hue whiter than most people's toilet, I think any home loan should require three appraisals.
 

PS--Your preemptive "Twitter nerd"-strikes would make the Mayerbag proud.
 

Helloooo, hellooo, helloo… hello
(tap tap)

The room is empty. Where have all the cowboys gone?

Ah… right, it’s Friday night. Well, Mrs. Head has ladies night out and I be stuck on toddler duty. She’s in bed and now so Iz all alone.

Ceptin’ fo’ dis heah bottle o’ Mark.

Come here baby, comfort ol’ Crucial. Yeah baby. Now get that theyah tube sock layin’ next to yous. Daaass right… Mmmmhhhmmm. Ahhhh.

Brb.
 

Caddyshack and Better Off Dead references in the same post. Awesome.

The K12 dude. You ski a gnarly run like that, and chicks will go sterile just looking at you.

Awesome awesome flick!
 

Seth MacFarlane sucks syphilitic donkey dick. I would bang Cindy Morgan like a screen door. Good links this week.
 

Ode to The Mark
By: Crucial Aloysius Pendergrass Head

Seven hundred plus fifty
Milliliters measured two-score and five percent
Slender stem hemorrhages blood born o’ whisky
Pierced mine heart’s chamber o’ consent
But alas, what curves! Like Norma Jean
Bringing to our lips a luscious elixir – our vaccine.

Transients serenade the Dead Soldier
Star Hill Farm – home o’ mine holey liver
Wind whispers o’ this Biloxi Barn Burner
Your emptiness t’would cause the earth to quiver
But hark! Parched palates awaken to complex oaky flavor
Even good minds melt – the more they savor.

Hand-hewn golden nectar
Straight from Olympus’ thou didst travel
Come! Spin me tales of glorious Hector
Who’s dust covered corpse watch Troy unravel
Then spank my mind and make me unstable
Vomit ‘ponst my throne’ll be riddled – THAT is no fable.
 

What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?
 

I'm pretty sure that's another female standing with Lohan. Female tombag?
 

I think this is the second Better off Dead reference that I can remember.

I love that movie. You have just inspired me to pop it in the dvd player.
 

TWO DOLLARS!!!
 

That ain't a man, it's a LADY. Yes, folks, Samantha Ronson = lady. She always = Lindsey Lohan's "lady friend"

As much as she does look like an uber douche with skinny legs like a 4th grader.

Also, twitter???
 

Maker's has higher
Wheat content; it is sweeter
When the ice melts down
 

I've been after Angelo Mozillo for a while. He's a walking talking dingleberry after 3 days of carrot cake and pumpkin pie and OJ.

A vile and corrupt piece of shite.

He is one of the scummiest real estate tycoons out there, and made serious bank using inside information on the subprime mortgage crisis. CEO of Countrywide - the guy who sold $10 million of stock in Countrywide at $28 per share 2 weeks before the whole mortgage market started coming apart and then Countrywide's stock collapsed to $15. The same guy who is under under investigation by the SEC for unfair practices that essentially saved his butt, while fucking over thousands of homeowners and shareholders. The fifty something chick in the middle has the lesbo hair thing going, but if she's straight I bet she swallows. The guido on the right only completes the picture.

so, now you know what young douchebags do: they get old, they rise to positions of power, they raid the treasury for their own benefit and don't give a flying fuck about anyone else in the process.

Fast-forward 30 years, and fuck if this isn't Bra-BROHEIM!!! or one of the Ooompa-Prompas. You know that orange skin will have some mangy saggy nasty old Star Tatt or random pseudo tribal thing going under that $3000 suit.

"But, like DOOD! BROHEIM! They invested in the stuff and we told them what it is all about. They went for the cheeeep and got burned bra - not my fault..."

This picture is both a warning and a prediction.

And, while she ain't the prettiest thing, if I were 20 years older than her (guessing she's late 40s), I'd think she was the sweetest little thing... it's all relative...
 

i admit to not knowing what Caddyshack is until seeing the Cindy Morgan link. and i regret not finding out earlier.

aside from that, i hate spring break. i went to my old high school to get my transcript so i can take a welding course, and then the janitor told me everyone is on spring break! my welding course cannot fucking wait, motherfuckers!
 

Icshh? Whut fuccen ishhh?
 

I think the boyfriend's got a black hole behind her teeth...
 

Our poet laureate is still upright?

Crucial, your tomes are epic ballads to the ears' sensory timbre bringing perfect and imperfect rhyme together for a lap around the ole canto-forms stored in my now fragile memory banks.


If indeed Db1 has a TV show in the works it'll be a crime if he doesn't bring you on board as a writer.
 

May I properly fellatio you Vin Duohal? I'm definitely orney enough. mush love..

I'de hire Flyteehth as a righter thouh...

n' ware is Mr. WHIte???

Drubnkth asas mathmetisian.

bi byye.
 

Good links this week...
Twitter = crack for the ego
Lindsay = cracked out ho'

You all give me hope, because you're standing in line at Wal-Mart waiting for the Twlight dvd.

Off to go drink myself to sleep. Vodka and Red Bull only without the Red Bull
 

It's more like a girlfriend.
 

Poor Samantha Ronson, all I know is that the poor girl is getting hosed. LiLo needs publicity and what better way than to pretend to be big a lesbian!

She'll throw her to the curve
 

Twitter is for losers
 

Monique will always be my true first love. With one look, she read me like a book. I may be the only fanboy gumpy enough to actually buy the soundtrack. Yeah, that's right. I may actually be better off dead.
 

Lindsay Lohan is a dirty whore, but I'd still hit it, and I'd make her insane stalker/fan club president watch.

('Sock, is that enough provocation?)
 

"Ah yes, I remember when animated shows were clever and creative. Or, as I like to term it, the years B.S.F. (Before Seth MacFarlane)"

I love you.

x
 

A funny story to relate. A few months ago my buddy took me to Bel Air CC for a game of golf. Old Angelo Mozilo was there looking like over-done garlic toast. On the 10th tee I was distracted by some turd brain talking too loudly and shanked my drive in the direction of the offender. It turned out to be Angelo and I missed his head by about 6 inches. For the rest of the day I fantasized about the hero status I would have been elevated to had my ball found its mark.
 

I must respectfully disagree with DB1. While I have nothing but respect for Mike Judge for the brilliance of Beavis & Butt-head, I've never really gotten the joke about King of the Hill. I'm guessing maybe you have to be from Texas to fully appreciate it.

On the other hand, living in Rhode Island as I do I view Family Guy as an anime-verite documentary of a state filled with obese morons who who can't see the world beyond their front lawns. Most of the show nails this little hell-hole spot-on.
 

Maybe I'm gay for noticing, but there was only one dude in the entire lot with chest hair... pic 35
 

OK, we all know those are two lesbians (as in, they're both ladies), right??
Hoping your "boyfriend" remark was sarsasm...
XD
 

I think the douche on the right is actually a lady....
 

lohan's one redeeming quality was that she dumped poon on what ever dude happened to be near at the time...this bitch move makes no sense, but oh well she seems to be on a mission ever since herpes, fully choaded to get herself so beat to crap at such a young age that cougars in their mid forties keep her picture in the corner of their mirrors to self-affirm they don't really look all that bad, considering.

although if they ever age the characters in sex and the city to grumpy old women levels i hear lohan and tara reid are shoo-ins
 

Bone both Lohan and Ronson I would. Enjoy it immensely I would.
 

I wouldn't go anyhwere near that train wreck LL. She's not very good looking, has a ton of freckles, can't sing or act. Other than her breasts, what make her so popular? My 36 year old neighbor down the street is much much better looking and doesn't to meth.
 

What's wrong with freckles? I little spray between the boobies... :) The real national symbol of Ireland!
 

Seth McFarlane, funny he is not.
 

That Samantha Ronson, she just needs a good assfuck, know what I'm sayin'?
 

Ummm...Samantha Ronson's a chick...Acually she's the first butchbag of her kind.