Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ted's Crimsplosion
It's a Crimsplosion of Scrote!!
A Teducation of Taint!!
A... well, a Crimson Ted. Complete with Marilyn Monroe sweater-vest, sparkley belt buckle, and fondling a Paid-to-Pose butt girl.
Note the absolute first here at HCwDB: A Triple Mark of the 'Bag.
Like the Triple Lindig before it, this is a legend only whispered about in the hallways of douchal training centers, but never fully believed to be real.
Yet here we have proof.
Crimson Ted. One cock-n-balls Mark of the 'Bag on the forehead grease. Two nutsacks on either cheek.
Appreciate the legend. For it is poosome.
Comments:
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"[something] $#!T" logo on shirt?
We will never know what Don Draperesque, genius slogan that is I guess.
We will never know what Don Draperesque, genius slogan that is I guess.
good lord.
not the Triple Mark. incredible. i certainly hope those of you who didn't vote for Ted in the Weekly now understand the error of your ways.
any ideas on what the word is on his belt? i have a couple guesses:
bayou
bijou
caribou
thou
you
what a choad.
not the Triple Mark. incredible. i certainly hope those of you who didn't vote for Ted in the Weekly now understand the error of your ways.
any ideas on what the word is on his belt? i have a couple guesses:
bayou
bijou
caribou
thou
you
what a choad.
He's quickly becoming the new kettle head, soon we will be seeing three pictures a day of him
# posted by 
: 10:39 AM
: 10:39 AM
hott not so hot. kinda got a sabrina the teenage witch turned escort vibe , trifecta of douchemarks about the face makes up for it though
# posted by : 10:40 AM
: 10:40 AM
hott not so hot. kinda got a sabrina the teenage witch turned escort vibe , trifecta of douchemarks about the face makes up for it though
# posted by : 10:40 AM
: 10:40 AM
"Point of parliamentary procedure"
"It's OK, I'm pre-law"
I forward the motion for iommediate inclusion into the HoS. Do I have a second?
"It's OK, I'm pre-law"
I forward the motion for iommediate inclusion into the HoS. Do I have a second?
# posted by : 10:41 AM
: 10:41 AM
@anon 316
Not quite ready for HoS yet. but none the less, a douche in the extreme.
but that hot kinda makes me want to poo out a cabbage patch kid.
Not quite ready for HoS yet. but none the less, a douche in the extreme.
but that hot kinda makes me want to poo out a cabbage patch kid.
She's not hot, but she looks like she's an amazing fuck.
Just sayin'.
Something interesting int he background- there appears to be a blonde cougar in the background getting face palmed by someone else, and not in a good way.
Just sayin'.
Something interesting int he background- there appears to be a blonde cougar in the background getting face palmed by someone else, and not in a good way.
No more Ted I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT, you have to admit though that you have to spend a lot of time to look the way he does. I wonder if he's a professional douche - or what does he do? Crimson Ted looks like a really douchey version of Jerry O'Connell/Trent McNeely
# posted by : 10:50 AM
: 10:50 AM
So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. Now there are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Sorry, the trifecta of male genitalia on CTs face brings out the Bullet Tooth in me.
Sorry, the trifecta of male genitalia on CTs face brings out the Bullet Tooth in me.
I'd say something about Ted being super gay but that would be offensive to our gay friends here at hcwdb.com.
He looks like the anxiety ridden, homoerotic Lion from the Nambla version of the Wizard of Oz, titled "Off to Blow the Queen Wizard."
He looks like the anxiety ridden, homoerotic Lion from the Nambla version of the Wizard of Oz, titled "Off to Blow the Queen Wizard."
Sweet Bouncing Buddha's Ballsac!
A testicle on each cheek and a foreskin on the forehead. Nice look CT.
I believe that one must read the belt first and then the shirt:
'Oh You Shit'
Rather than a descriptive I contend that it is an imperative.
CT is asking the reader to donate feces to his facial coloring cause.
A testicle on each cheek and a foreskin on the forehead. Nice look CT.
I believe that one must read the belt first and then the shirt:
'Oh You Shit'
Rather than a descriptive I contend that it is an imperative.
CT is asking the reader to donate feces to his facial coloring cause.
Never knowing when the mood will strike, Ted keeps his Fleshlight® in it's discreet case in his front pocket.
denim jeans+kissy lip vest+an
unbeWEAVable hairstyle=a homemade rubber fisting apparatus up his fucking crimson ASS!!
fuck u ted
unbeWEAVable hairstyle=a homemade rubber fisting apparatus up his fucking crimson ASS!!
fuck u ted
Not much in the way of Hott but somebody with a bunch of bracelets reaches longingly for her kiester. I would slap those thighs, I would.
Dollars to donuts Crimson Ted has a smelly beige model of the Himalayas in his underpants.
Dollars to donuts Crimson Ted has a smelly beige model of the Himalayas in his underpants.
Notice the glare from The Mark is so bright that at least 2 people are shielding their eyes with thier hands - in the back right and front left.
# posted by : 11:23 AM
: 11:23 AM
i have some Photoshop hilarity to share, but have no clue how to link to the image from the comments.
help?
help?
@pfah
Put them on your blogger blog, perhaps? Or are you looking for the html code, as in
{a href="url"}link text.{/a}? (Replace all the curly brackets with < or >. Blogger gets angry when you type actual html for display.)
Put them on your blogger blog, perhaps? Or are you looking for the html code, as in
{a href="url"}link text.{/a}? (Replace all the curly brackets with < or >. Blogger gets angry when you type actual html for display.)
Pfah--
Me love you long time.
Triple mark of the bag, girls' shirt, spray tan, anime villain hair...And WTF is that in his pocket? We've seen it in previous photos, I'm beginning to think it's not as innocuous as a manbag. Perhaps it's one of the lost scrolls of Sam Scrote?
Me love you long time.
Triple mark of the bag, girls' shirt, spray tan, anime villain hair...And WTF is that in his pocket? We've seen it in previous photos, I'm beginning to think it's not as innocuous as a manbag. Perhaps it's one of the lost scrolls of Sam Scrote?
To quote 19th century stage actor John Wilkes Booth:
“With every man’s hand against me, I am here in despair. And why; For doing what Brutus was honored for….and yet I for striking down a greater tyrant than they ever knew am looked upon as a common cutthroat.”
My comments about Ted are met with the same disingenuous outrage.
“With every man’s hand against me, I am here in despair. And why; For doing what Brutus was honored for….and yet I for striking down a greater tyrant than they ever knew am looked upon as a common cutthroat.”
My comments about Ted are met with the same disingenuous outrage.
# posted by : 11:47 AM
: 11:47 AM
Ted gave one of the judges a celebratory hug, elated by his win in the Crisco-sponsored "Bobbing for Tater Tots" competition.
His belt says "Pou", the French spelling of poo
Ted's trying to be cool wearing a shirt that says "Shit" on it...except it's pink & has Marilyn Monroe on it, thus taking him from cool to Douchebag in the blink of an eye.
Also, what's with the proliferation of Crimson Ted here? Has DB1 hacked into Ted's MySpace? I think we need to change the name to HotChickswithCrimsonTed.com
Ted's trying to be cool wearing a shirt that says "Shit" on it...except it's pink & has Marilyn Monroe on it, thus taking him from cool to Douchebag in the blink of an eye.
Also, what's with the proliferation of Crimson Ted here? Has DB1 hacked into Ted's MySpace? I think we need to change the name to HotChickswithCrimsonTed.com
Ted's career as a wedding singer abruptly ended during the first chorus of "Let Me Smell Your Dick" during the Rosenthal reception.
Mazeltov!
Mazeltov!
plinky you fucking liar. you don't work.
but bcs does win. he defeats pfah with an atomic elbow drop to the cocix. and we all win by watching.
but bcs does win. he defeats pfah with an atomic elbow drop to the cocix. and we all win by watching.
Gavin Rosdale = Ted "Poo" Crimson
Move over kettlehead here comes poo like you have never seen. Worse than slinging mud around your porcelain after a night in Mexico...
Move over kettlehead here comes poo like you have never seen. Worse than slinging mud around your porcelain after a night in Mexico...
@ douchelexic
Work is for pussies.
- - - -
Nice looking chick. Does she come with a leash and rabies shots?
Work is for pussies.
- - - -
Nice looking chick. Does she come with a leash and rabies shots?
@ Pfah
If you can make it stop spinning around or keep from getting mesmerized into a drooling hypnotic state, go to www.braxto.com .
Everytime I go there I get a detached retina and the urge to soil my pants. It's awesome.
If you can make it stop spinning around or keep from getting mesmerized into a drooling hypnotic state, go to www.braxto.com .
Everytime I go there I get a detached retina and the urge to soil my pants. It's awesome.
Nice photoshopping pfah and bcs.
I say if we can get a few more pics of Ted, and he keeps building his repertoire, than DB1 should open up voting for HoS. I mean he's good, but I'd like to see a little more.
And with another feces related shirt, it's clear that this guy is into scat. He's Dr. Ted Crimson, Scatologist. Got his Md from Cornell.
His belt says
"I enjoy having poo smeared on my chest by you"
Clearly into scat.
I say if we can get a few more pics of Ted, and he keeps building his repertoire, than DB1 should open up voting for HoS. I mean he's good, but I'd like to see a little more.
And with another feces related shirt, it's clear that this guy is into scat. He's Dr. Ted Crimson, Scatologist. Got his Md from Cornell.
His belt says
"I enjoy having poo smeared on my chest by you"
Clearly into scat.
Anyone know if Crimson Ted has a website. If not, he should. And there should be videos of him dancing naked on it.
I mean hi.
I mean hi.
# posted by : 12:55 PM
: 12:55 PM
I've been working too much and haven't had time to get after Plinky's lame comments.
# posted by : 1:04 PM
: 1:04 PM
Wow....
Rapidly careening towards HoS territory and a damned good shot at the monthly.
The triple mark of the bag alone is compelling evidence. If his Hott had been of a somewhat higher caliber, then who knows....
Rapidly careening towards HoS territory and a damned good shot at the monthly.
The triple mark of the bag alone is compelling evidence. If his Hott had been of a somewhat higher caliber, then who knows....
# posted by : 1:15 PM
: 1:15 PM
Ted celebrates with the photo club's Miss Maximum Aperture after his "IR Filter" costume took 3rd place.
@1:10
I make over 220g's a year! I'll beat your ass in front of all your pasty white potbellied friends. I'll give you my email address:
europeanhandbag@gmail.com
we'll see how's a faggot!!!
and quit posting as anon, I know you want to be me...little dick!
I make over 220g's a year! I'll beat your ass in front of all your pasty white potbellied friends. I'll give you my email address:
europeanhandbag@gmail.com
we'll see how's a faggot!!!
and quit posting as anon, I know you want to be me...little dick!
# posted by : 1:22 PM
: 1:22 PM
Ted is clearly a trainwreck of a douche. As if the clothes, mark of the bag, (lack of) hair style, and stupid douche faces were not enough he is further handicapped by his age. Clearly old enough to know better Ted has traveled down the forsaken path far to long to be dealt with with any leniancy at all. I would vote, based on the complied body of work, Ted is quickly building a HOS worth resume. Let us continue to mock Ted for all his transgressions.
~ Douchapotamus
~ Douchapotamus
# posted by : 1:24 PM
: 1:24 PM
I make good money as a fluffer; and I swallowed, oops, earned all 220g's of it.
# posted by : 1:25 PM
: 1:25 PM
He looks like Steven Seagal's gay twin brother who's been coked up all night oil wrestling in vat's of freshly slaughtered whale gelitan.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
# posted by : 1:34 PM
: 1:34 PM
@ 1:04, 1:10 and 1:22
There's only 1 anonymous here and it's me, Dark Anonymous.!!
Now man up and get a handle.
There's only 1 anonymous here and it's me, Dark Anonymous.!!
Now man up and get a handle.
# posted by : 1:34 PM
: 1:34 PM
He did perfect that lunar landing tripod with the shiny douchemark so let's give him some credit.
I mean I could not have done better with a protractor.
I mean I could not have done better with a protractor.
Who needs a protractor :)
Swing by my Daily Gif Blog when ya have a chance...tomorrows the last day for my $50 giveaway!!
DB
Swing by my Daily Gif Blog when ya have a chance...tomorrows the last day for my $50 giveaway!!
DB
after following the XENU link to some uber-douche's myspace i was particularly tickled to see he fancied himself both a swinger and a catholic.
interesting to say the least!
~ Douchapotamus
interesting to say the least!
~ Douchapotamus
# posted by : 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
@ Spell Nazi
'Dude' alone is not a sentence. You must use complete sentences in these threads or I will hack off your ears with my Ninja stars.
You pile of shit-eating maggots.
'Dude' alone is not a sentence. You must use complete sentences in these threads or I will hack off your ears with my Ninja stars.
You pile of shit-eating maggots.
# posted by : 1:57 PM
: 1:57 PM
I second, third, fourth, whatever for HoS induction. The trifecta on the Mark of the Bag is enough in and of itself, let alone that sweater, belt, hair, and his previous body of work to this point.
This Bag is first ballot all the way...
This Bag is first ballot all the way...
# posted by : 1:58 PM
: 1:58 PM
that skin has the texture of Mythbuster's gelatin dummies. i wish someone would use him the same way.
hmm... i think that's what they use for jelly dongs to. Maybe this guy is just one big walking dildo
hmm... i think that's what they use for jelly dongs to. Maybe this guy is just one big walking dildo
# posted by : 2:00 PM
: 2:00 PM
@ninja
dude is the mispelled word you friggen horizontal smile
never did like you fucks from the start.
dude is the mispelled word you friggen horizontal smile
never did like you fucks from the start.
@ Spell Nazi
I will smoke you like a polluted tuna and chop you up like shark liver, you wretched bugger of masculine women.
I will smoke you like a polluted tuna and chop you up like shark liver, you wretched bugger of masculine women.
# posted by : 2:09 PM
: 2:09 PM
@ Grammar Ninja
I was so excited to catch the Spell Nazi I didn't see that you already corrected him/her. What a friggin' moron.
I was so excited to catch the Spell Nazi I didn't see that you already corrected him/her. What a friggin' moron.
Facefull of schlort! It's like a fractal Mark of the Bag, cock 'n' balls within cock 'n' balls.
I have new respect for CT, and by respect I mean I just snorted snickerboogers on myself when I saw this picture.
--VS
I have new respect for CT, and by respect I mean I just snorted snickerboogers on myself when I saw this picture.
--VS
# posted by : 2:29 PM
: 2:29 PM
the triple mark o' the 'bag!
the prophesies of nostradouceous are coming to fruition at last.
there is no doubt that end times are upon us.
the prophesies of nostradouceous are coming to fruition at last.
there is no doubt that end times are upon us.
Oh my. I don't know what to say except I want her. She's a knuckle-chewer. As for ted, I would like to beat him with a bag of nickels.
@pfah,
Once again, great photoshopping. I know this isn't up to your standards but it made me laugh.
I keep thinking I've seen it all, then I see this shit. For the love of god SOMEONE GET HIM SOME POWDER! He's got more oil on him than the coast of California after a spill. I really can't say much more because this guy looks literally like a pile of dog poo.
Once again, great photoshopping. I know this isn't up to your standards but it made me laugh.
I keep thinking I've seen it all, then I see this shit. For the love of god SOMEONE GET HIM SOME POWDER! He's got more oil on him than the coast of California after a spill. I really can't say much more because this guy looks literally like a pile of dog poo.
spell nazi... im pretty sure that "doude" was used instead of "dude" to imply that the recipient of the term was more of a "dOUche" than a "dUde", hence, "doude".
you may have gotten an 84 on your spelling test, but you "friggen" failed creative writing. try to think outside the box next time, doude.
you may have gotten an 84 on your spelling test, but you "friggen" failed creative writing. try to think outside the box next time, doude.
# posted by : 3:52 PM
: 3:52 PM
Unlike Kettlehead's single maneuver, Ted can make us sick in oh-so-many ways. I think Ted's Weelky-bound and a very strong challenger for the Monthly right now.
And DAMN NBC Universal! Check out this message from the Mayerbag YouTube clip Boston was nice enough to post:
"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by NBC Universal."
And I was getting so much hate from the Mayerbaglings! Damn, I wanted to see what they had to say today.....
And DAMN NBC Universal! Check out this message from the Mayerbag YouTube clip Boston was nice enough to post:
"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by NBC Universal."
And I was getting so much hate from the Mayerbaglings! Damn, I wanted to see what they had to say today.....
He is getting more orangy by the day. You would think he could at least have the sense to fakebake his arms as much as he does his face. Oh, wait... what am I saying??? Of course he doesn't have sense. He's a douchebag.
Ted is the messiah of douche. If one thought the douche of the past was the douche to remember, ted embodies everything of then and now leaving the greatest 'bag hunters questioning everything the know. Ted Needs to be included in the hall of scrote...NOW
# posted by : 8:11 PM
: 8:11 PM
I wonder if every piece of clothing (using the term loosely in his case) he owns contains a word or phrase relating to 'crap', 'shit', 'pou' or 'feces' coupled with 'I am', 'I love' or 'I eat'..
mmm.. I think so.
mmm.. I think so.
The triple mark of the 'bag is so astounding, the net stockings so reminding, I can only think of one amazing play: the hockey hat trick.
For like the astonished goalie who sees the same player make his third shot in the game, Crimson Ted knows it's too late to save the puck's damage. He's fried.
He wears the pink goalie, er, goat shirt with the blonde hair on the Nanny-goat and "Full-O'-Shit" labelling the area where it's supposed to be "Full-o'-Piss" instead.
He wears his pants so low that if he let loose a pooper, it would easily miss the belt and fly out over the lowered waist, giving new meaning (and a homonym spelling) to: wasteline.
Now that's really poo-some.
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For like the astonished goalie who sees the same player make his third shot in the game, Crimson Ted knows it's too late to save the puck's damage. He's fried.
He wears the pink goalie, er, goat shirt with the blonde hair on the Nanny-goat and "Full-O'-Shit" labelling the area where it's supposed to be "Full-o'-Piss" instead.
He wears his pants so low that if he let loose a pooper, it would easily miss the belt and fly out over the lowered waist, giving new meaning (and a homonym spelling) to: wasteline.
Now that's really poo-some.
# posted by : 2:12 AM
: 2:12 AM << Home
