Ohhhhhhh girls.....they want to have fungus.
 

That sweatshirt is hiding huge gazongas... and the Freshmen Twenty Five gut from weekly semen chugging at Tappa Kegga Day.
 

hideous cabinetry.

red cups.

ugly chair.

ginormous wine refrigerator.


one can only hope they just moved in to that place and have yet to decorate.

who are we to make fun of a newly married couple. i wish them the best.

go buy some paint.
 

Cho must of missed this guy...









What?
 

They were overjoyed and could hardly believe that they finally found an apartment with a phone jack near the ceiling
 

Sizable wine collection to be enjoyed from the URC.

It's either Mad Dog 20/20 or Night Train Express.
 

This edition of Southern Girls I used to love was brought to you by The Facebook Stalkers League, Axe Hair Crisis Relief, and the color Red.
 

I thought Neil Patrick Harris was gay.
 

DOOMED to failure. We hope :-D
 

This can only end badly: a weekend at Epcot Center.
 

*sigh*

All I can think of is a totally inappropriate VT shooting joke, and I just don't have the soul (or have too much of it) to write it.

Anyone got a good Great White concert joke?

I was gonna use a Jaws line.

I want 4 hours well hydrated and energized with sweater brunette. What I'm imagining is under there...

oi.
 

Ugh. This makes me sad. Poor April. I made sort-of the same mistake. Only I'm not from the south, but the south side. And I was 24 and he was 36. Red cup wasn't there, but Bongzilla kept watch.

Doomed to fail, indeed.

Run, April, run!!!!
 

nice wine fridge! goes great with the stack of URCs and faux oak decor.
this guy is probably a tool, but perhaps just a guy with a silly haircut.
the sad lovelorn facebook stalker who submitted the pic reeks of haterdom. i'm afraid i can't say full douche without more photographic evidence.
 

The Sham-wow really does sell it's self, doesn't it.
 

^^You can't say Sham-Wow® without saying 'sham'.
 

@ STAHoH:

As a resident of the deep south allow me to address your query:

Because they are stupid.

You're welcome.
 

whoa Medusa Mr. Oblongata was 12 years older than you?!

... i better stick with mocking Waspy Southern Couple. so uh, if this "this is what happened to my old high school crush" shit keeps up, HCwDB is gonna kill the high school reunion industry. no more of those high school reunion ads! the horror!
 

Another day, another bottle phallus. Bags it's played, old hat, your dick just isn't that big. It can't be, look at the fatty your inviting to the bighead menage. While we're at it tell blonde to down a few ho ho's and call me when her tits are a C.

Double point you are no Peaches, fuck you
 

I can't get past the gibbon-like length of her arms; she looks like Jack Skellington in a Chelsea Clinton mask.

Move on, my friend...
 

@darksock

The orangutan-like length of her arms is actually kind of turn on. Is that wrong?

Reach for me baby...reach.
 

@Snake Fist
Hey now, our Southern gals are just as stupid as the ones out in Cali. They just don't have as much money to blow on bleeth accessories.

Now them Mid-West hoes. Them be dumb.

And Gaijin, the shooting joke writes itself. I mean the prick is making dual pistols fingers. Maybe one day he will use them on his head instead of his bunghole.

I feel the urge to make the joke that his head is up his ass, but I think that may kill the previous joke.

I tend to overthink my jokes. And then tell people that I'm overthinking them. And type out my thinking process.

I'll just hit publish now.
 

@ Steve 8:23

Indeed. I suppose one could make Freudian jokes about that, but sometimes a cigar is just a frightened alcoholic nitwit who needed to resolve some daddy issues. I mean a cigar.

But I'm making better choices these days. Nowadays I go for men who can still get it up.
 

Manute Bol, aging and desperate for love, patiently fed his limp phallus through the glory hole stationed on the latch-side of the dorm room door.
 

Ginourmous wine refrigerator...




What are you all... Quakers??

I call that a night-cap night stand.
 

Found!

The missing Viginia Tech 'Gobbler.'




... historians later revised the name to Hokies.



True Story.
 

in case it was unclear
-the attractive one is on the right
-"april" is a diff. girl, the one under the "Hall of Hott" labeled...april...seems obvious but you never know
 

this site should be renamed douchebags.com because there are obviously no hot chicks to be found.
 

by the by, another one of Steve's completely random peek into the future:

when Hannah, the waspy southern couple's daughter, grows up, sweet adorably vapid mom is gonna give Hannah all kinds of wonderful advice on choosing the right man, such as and especially "when you see Mr. Right, you'll know it. your intuition will tell you and it will never fail you." because daddy is gonna give Hannah exactly the same advice.

and sweet innocent Hannah is gonna grow up to be a confident young woman, taking utmost pride in the ever infallible "women's intuition". because mommy and daddy said so.

just don't ask her if she can see whether or not you have $10 in your pocket. her brain will explode.

how do i know all this? by looking at sweet adorably vapid hott's hairstyle.
 

@ Medusa 10:03 PM,

now excuse me while i lock myself up in YOUR bathroom. >:D
 

I think a study should be commissioned regarding the paint additives used on red cups and whether it is a viable medium to transmit the Grieco. Too many of them have been seen for it to be coincidence.

@ STAHoH

Darksock is right, you should move on despite the fact that she could leap 20ft while crab walking.

@ pfah

Agreed. I also suggest some crown moulding, unless that's a popcorn ceiling. And they should mount the goddamn phone on the wall.
 

@medusa

Your new avatar reminds me of my western PA homeland. (Mostly the gun part.)

@boatbuter

My only regret in the home I purchased is the prevalence of popcorn ceilings throughout. Why? Whey do people do that?

Oh well. The whole place is probably only worth $37.95 now anyway.
 

@ Mr. White -

You're right, it's gay. They do it because it does a good job of covering up the shitty drywall job that is invariably underneath.
 

@boatbutter,mr.white

its also a hell of a lot cheaper.
 

samurai scrote's spiritual uncle
 

I'll be damned if VT girl isn't hiding a few rolls of fat along with her big cans under there.

As far as vapid but sweet girls hooking up with douche...ignorance is bliss.

AV
 

At least that gallon jug of wine on the table has a cork and not a screw off top. They are quite sophisticated.
 

@ Mr. White 6:14

Despite my noble inclinations, I have a redneck streak as long as the Mississippi. There are 3 things in the photo: God, gun, and apple pie. Can you find them? XD

...Aaaaaand, as far as the house you bought, popcorn ceilings are a fair trade considering the usable space on the lower level....

But, yeah, fuck popcorn ceilings. I HATE that shit. And it always reminds me of that one scene in Raising Arizona where they fight in the trailer and HI scraped his knuckles acroos the ceiling and goes "AAAAAGGGHHHH!"
(Note: I just wasted a half hour on Youtube trying to find the clip)
 

Would the Virginia Tech chub want to see my Love Gun?
 

@ Steve L. 1:11

Scrub the tub out while you're in there. And then draw the water, use the lavender oil, please, you are in charge of tonight's footrub if you're going to hog up the bathroom like that. No one jacks off for free around here.
 

I don't know what it is about the south. East Texas is ridiculous though. At 19 years old you're either pregnant or married. I'm not originally from this part of Texas, but it's a damn shame to be 20 years old walking around on a college campus, see a decent looking girl, and the first thing you look for is a ring on her finger.
 

and boobies
 

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
John Cho missed fat chicks boobies
Bang, bang, bang reload
 

April is majoring in Pre-Wed? Maybe she's an MRS major.
 

Uh, I thinking this one doesn't qualify full - HE does but the chicks ain't bleethed out enough...