How terribly unfortunate. These girls are not Hott, and this guy is reminds me of a young Zeppo Marx, only not funny and a massive dong swallower.

If I need some cottage cheese to go with my next bowl of fruit, I'll know who to ask though.

Zing!
 

Whose nose did he gank?
 

My daughter’s going to be upset that Mr. Snuffleumpagus shaved his body and now sports a backwards ball cap.



Girl on the left – yes.

Girl on the right – your mammoth is woolly.
 

He should put in his bottom dentures before posing for photos.




Their shoulders smelled like his pits for weeks, a combination of perspired out Del Scorcho, cheap tequila and Polident
 

At least he's smiling. "Hey look, I got dese two chicks ta pose wit me! Duhhhhh....."

Is tanning oil also a depilatory product? Or does the spray tan in a can dissolve body hair?
 

i've come to the conclusion that the grieco virus affects your tastebuds as well. that's the only logical reason i can think of for so many douchebags drinking bud and bud light. that shit is terrible. or maybe they just like the pretty bottles...
 

Well, they are pretty.




The bottle that is.
 

That is an awful scarf Julie. Absolutely hideous.
 

If d'bags are wearing whatever they find on the beach, it may be time to start seeding South Beach and the Jersey Shore with smallpox blankets.
 

Who takes a scarf on a cruise?
 

Chances are also pretty good that his too-expensive cell phone has at least one picture of left hott with an aluminum bottle lodged in her cleft. And possibly one of right nott with lefty's fist lodged in her cleft. And I'm ok with that.
 

The short hott is a tad dumpy, but I won't hold that against her. On the other hand, Scarfadouche Scarfadouche (can you do the Fandango) is already holding her against him.

Tell me something: Does every douchey brand of American beer now come in an aluminum bottle now?
 

Wow, Jesse James has lost his touch with the ladies. They don't look happy to pose with him at all. Maybe the one on the right is mad because he ganked her beer like he stole Julie's scarf.
 

Excuse the Seinfeldian remark, but what is the deal with people buying fitted hats way too big for their head?

The answer is stupid unless it has to do with the wearer being recently diagnosed with encephalitis and he needs to grow into it.

Obvious remarks: Girls not hot, scarf not attractive, guy is only on the level of a spring break douche, probably decent guy every other week of the year.

Crappy light domestics get even crappier by being packaged in aluminum in the shape of previous glass container. You're not being ironic, Budweiser, you're just paying more for packaging an inferior beer. A light beer isn't a beer unless its water is taken from the cryptosporidia laced Milwaukee drinking water. God I miss Wisconsin, and cryptosporidia.
 

Jeans on the beach = chicken legs. He probably spends all day in the gym working his upper body, but is too lazy/stupid to work his legs. I've seen these meatheads before. Seeing them in shorts is comical. These chicks probably have bigger thighs than he does...
 

Jumpin' Jeebus, someoen tell Janeane Garofolo to put her feckin' clothes back on, she's on in five.

And I don't know what's in the red bottle, but I hope it's hot sauce. 'Cause it's going straight up this guy's ass, ad bandana-kini in the left isn't going to be able to stop me.
 

...Nothing wrong with Budweiser. I'd also be lying if I said I wouldn't have sex with both of them.
 

Although his ladies are NOTTs, the one on the left has really cute feet.
 

I hope the douchebag is not shooting up 'roids with needles that he found on the beach...
 

the one on the right looks like shes carrying a load around in her bottoms

for some reason I have a sneaking suspicion that her butthole would give mine a run for its money
 

Why is this guy labeled a douche? No tatts, no bling, no bird plumage hair.

He has a sweet smile and great abs.

(Amanda quickly exits stage left to duck the thrown food and catcalls.)
 

Bono's Beach Holiday.
 

I would totally freaking DO this guy.












-and by 'This Guy', I mean Crimson Ted, Reverse Cowgirl and force M.O. to watch.

-because I see absolutely nothing douchey At All about Crimson Ted, or Acey Douchey, or Mooby, or ... ... ...

They're all lovely little butterflies in my book.

And I am about to go down on a Silk Spectre-Outfitted 'Chupacabra' as we speak.
 

Hi Amanda.

While you were gone, a number of pictures surfaced of douchescrote wearing scarves in the middle of summer. Not middle aged women hiding their necks, young studly dorks like Cletus here. so that's one big walloping smack of douchebaggery right there. Strike one.

Strike two comes in the form of the oversixed backwards baseball cap which is quintessential fratbaggery, first rank, stupidity.

Strike three is the fact that he is hairless, especially in places where he obviously shouldn't be hairless unless he's like native american, and he is clearly not native american.

Strike four? He drinks crap beer. OK - so once in a while, if there is NOTHING else to drink, a cold crap beer might be indicated on a hot day. So, consider this more of a foul tip, but then, he's already struck out, so it doesn't mater.

He's a douche.

So, that's why.

You're basically nice, so I'm not one to mock you.

best,

TT
 

Speaking of Chupacabra, where the hell has that girl been too?

Chupa darling - you are missed.
 

The 'Groove Cruise' -?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"who throws a shoe!? -I mean honestly!"

And who the fuck goes on a 'Groove Cruise'

Douche Juices. Dat's who goes on a 'Groove Cruise'!

So they can be Douches douching about other douches vinegaring and watering over other douches that are douching bleeths and bleething douches; -right in their bags; slugging them right in their cocks; smacking those bastards from the Brill Building right in the mouth and bouncing them tapes right off their friggin' foreheads, those daffy bastards!

The 'Douche Juice' -I mean 'Groove Cruise' is EXACTLY where you find da ghey terrorists wearing teh pink Keffiyehs.

Not even Protrudsa Moblongata on her worst Eminemsky day would walk around like a fucking ghey terrorist!!!!

Where is the fucking Tamral in that??!?!

-even if he is the Zohan, undercover, trying to infiltrate the pants of the SE Asian ankle-biting runt-nibbler of an illegal arms finance washer. Who else could crap their bikini drawers on a beach and not care???

Fuck me, hold on, Tommy! -There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?

It's for protection.

Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?
 

The guy looks like Sesame Street's Ernie.

Or something?

Remind me never to visit this site while drinking (excellent) port wine. The taste in my mouth after seeing this is now something akin to fresh beachkill.
 

*Vomiting in my mouth*

If I'm forced to watch, I want to at least be able to use a branding iron on him afterwards.
 

And let me add that I'm listening to the Mentors as we speak...I nominate this the theme song for anything called "Groove Cruise"...

GET UP!
GET UP AND DIE!
I wanna see them suffer and DIE!
I know, it's what I crave
I wanna see them SIX FEET IN THE GRAVE!

Life is funny that way, innit?
 

The Mentor's eh? I'm listening to Third Eye Blind.

I waaaant something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of lifeeeee
I want something else
I'm not listening when you say
Good-byeeeeee
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Nothotts. Borderline bag. Not even close to being a Crimson Ted. I would have even considered giving the guy a pass as a mere dork and not a douche if it wasn't for the commentary about the scarf.
 

Amanda,

I see you partying at the Hard Rock Hotel with the Bag Lords. For shame.

My friend the rubbery gaping butthole sees you too, and he snaps to acknowledge the presence of the bag. Actually he snaps involuntarily once every fifteen minutes or so. It sounds like a golf clap.
 

Mmmm - he's drinking a bottle of suntan lotion.
 

@douchille bag

Not only does it sound like a golf clap, but it has one hell of a bite. Some compare it to the
alligator snapping turtle
 

2 ugly munchkins hiding under a mushroom. Could the one on the right be any less enthusiastic?
 

Rubber Douchey said...

2 ugly munchkins hiding under a mushroom.

----------------------

and by Mushroom, I assume you mean "festering bit of fungus that eats dead shit".
 

@ RGB

Remind me never to put my finger in there. I will toss a marble in there from afar though, and see if I can make it in one try.
 

Hey I like Mötley Crüe as much as the next guy, but did I really need to see Mick Mars in a bikini, cuddling up to Woody Harrelson's fucktard of a third cousin?

Trick question; no. I did not.
 

@douchille bag

marbles? I wouldnt even notice. Most people toss shot puts
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

I'll bang the chica on the left... right after I rip the hands and face off the one on the right.
 

The nothott on the right looks like Octomom.
 

is that his nose or a turnip?
 

@ MO

The Mentors? now I am truly smitten!

hum a couple of bars of "I'm Going Thru Your Purse"
 

Well NOW we know where Octomom on the right had been hangin' about two months after she got preggers.

He's hiding his artificial larynx box with that scarf, and his middle name is Angel.
 

Wow, I really hate when I come across weather like that. Cold enough to still wear a scarf but warm enough to not wear a shirt.
 

"Vehr-ner Foss-been-der" my foot, it's Fangwer Sidewinder my escaped pet rattlesnake, who has the distinct feature of wearing his rattles on his abs.

He likes to cuddle gently then bite.
 

Whoop-di 8:37 FTW.

I thought evey possible Octo-mom joke had already been told, but ya put a new spin on it.
 

Darksock 7:38 FTW!!!!


@ Medusa-

Goddamn, if i wasn't already horny for pie!

Slap some vanilla ice cream on that slice and your big black cock of death shotgun can violate me on camera in front of my dead grandma!

mmm-mm- good!
 

@ douchetoevsky

I still gas on your WWRHD approach & have tried to apply it to daily decisions of weighty proportions

shear brilliance!
 

@ Creatch

HAHAHA!!!! I'm currently entrenched in the tedious task of converting all my vinyl to MP3s. I got me a USB turntable and I'm listening to all these LPs I haven't played in ages. Funny you mention "Going Through Your Purse"....There's a line in that song that I think suits this site all too well...

"There was this chick, she was with a chump
That's the kinda girl I wanna take home and hump----UNH!!"

And FUCK Octo-mom!!!!
 

@ MO

partied with El Duce a time or two... it was all you can imagine

btw on a recent layover at O Hare there was a tribe of young douche with bleethe in tow. all had their blastshield shades on their foreheads at 6 am & affliction shirts with backwards ballcaps. when their flight was called they all were headed for, you guessed it, Las Vegas.
 

I would stab a pony at my own kids party...wait there aren't any hotts to direct this one at and this one isn't even mine. What the hell?

I can has cheezburger?
 

@ Creatch
I can only imagine.

Let me try this again. Before JCvD beats me to it.

Fuck Octo-mom.

Dull night here at Casa Oblongata.

And now I'm high on marker fumes.

Great.
 

@ Douchetoevsky

I don't count the accidental huffing of marker fumes as a relapse. But I'm so out of it at the minute that if you were here, you, me, my Ithaca and the rest of that pie would redefine TARMAL
 

I still remember that time when The Mentors opened for The Jamaican Scratch Hole Posse in Lubbock, Texas. Was I there?

No.



But I woke up the next morning in Bell Gardens with a festering pustule inside my rectum and a Glory Hole Doily fastened to my taint with carpenter’s glue.



If you think that makes no sense… then you haven’t heard El Duce spew his pious lyrics from his pulpit of perverted pontification via: The Mentor’s.

And for that, I am sorry.
 

Elated by another successful bargaining session with the local peasants, Winston shows off his newly purchased, and certified-authentic breastplate from the hit motion picure 300.
 

Consuela and Lupe managed to resist all urges to break into spontaneous rifts of uncontrollable glee, as the Leopard-Speckled serpent tightened it's death-grip about Adam's neck, thereby allowing them free access to the forbidden fruit on the tree of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge behind them.
 

cruise ads should come up with better pics to work up the allure of vacation hotspots.

but hey who am i to argue with driving the vacationing industry to the ground? travel agencies are all sleazy.
 

this pic has a horizontal stretch to it. i've had those - you know - pics where you are way wider than you a really are. i dont know why this happens but it does.

upon closer inspection, this guy's nose seems to be trying to conquer continents. why else would it be spread so wide.
 

@Mr. White:

Please take up your beloved Medusa's plug and hit up The Mentor's mega hit: Golden Shower. You may enjoy.



Gold.





In.






Showers.



(I am drunk... but it's still a great song so fuck all ya'll).
 

Under the bridge downtown,
That's where girl on right lives
 

The women are average...The hotts have been lagging, this picture should be titled "Average Jane's with cocksuckers."
 

Wow

Imposters posing as former regs who were fake to begin with...it's called continuity!
 

see the big problem here is the scarf like douchster here is thinking in his narrow douch mind. "yeah man ill ware this scarf i found on the beach people will think im all different n hip" WRONG! see Mr Absofdouch douches have been trying to style the scarf on the beach look almost as long as the lets ware our stunnaz in the club look and that is going back to the dawn of douches yo.. So nope your not hip your just a bag!! jah bless
 

God, Croosh, I didn't know you were the romantic type. I think I'm in love. El Duce sings the words that let the butterflies loose...

"All through my excrements you shall roam
open your mouth and taste the foam!
Bend up and smell my anal vapor
your face is my toilet paper!"
 

Medusa wrote:

HAHAHA!!!! I'm currently entrenched in the tedious task of converting all my vinyl to MP3s.

Same here. I have about 980 LPs. Maybe a thousand. I should count. But the ones I'm digitising are the ones I know will never see the light of digital day as CD release, such as:

1. the Soundtrack to Liquid Sky

2. The Flowers of Evil by Baudelaire recited by Yvette Mimieux accompanied by the music of Ali Akhbar Khan on sarod.

3. THE EAST IS RED. A chinese revolutionary opera sung by 3000 peasants, workers, and members of the Red Army.

4. The Threepenny Opera (Broadway version with Raul Julia as MacHeath)

5. Mad About Town by Slow Children

6. Nowhere Girl by B-Movie

7. New Music for Harp by Susan Allen (on 1750 Arch)

8. ART PHAG

9. The Last LP by Michael Snow

10. Sugar, Alcohol and Meat (spoken word record by John Giono, william Burroughs, Patti Smith, Kathy Acker, etc.)

11. 33 Revolutions - The Art Record
(spoken word by Chris Burden, Ida Applebroog, Chris Atkins, Edwin Schlossberg, others)

12. NON single - by Boyd Rice

13. Holly and the Italians

14. Bristol Recorder, vols 1,2, and 3.

15. Prince Ivor by Ivor Cutler (spoken word by Mr Buster Bloodvessel himself...)

that's just the top 15. I have about 120 equally obscure gems like that.

I've hooked up my computer to my sound system, so the turntable is tops - our SOTA Comet which goes into the Rotel preamps and to the Apogee Duet for digitisation.

Depending on how hideous the condition of the record is, I run it through SoundSoap to crush some of the noise. Noise reduction really screws with stuff.

I thought of a USB turntable, and I heard some good things about the Project Debut III but then I figured - eh - fuggit. I already own the SOTA - all I need is a DAC, so I got the Apogee. It's VERY nice... Like REALLY nice.

What turntable did you get?
 

just to clear some things up, I'm a Jersey Shore girl born and raised and these dbags ARE NOT from the Jersey Shore they just go there to contaminate it and the girls are just as horrible.

1. Acrylic nails were cool in the mid 90s. Time to catch up since it is now 2009

2. Being the color orange doesn't make you look good.

3. White eyeshadow? really?

4. douchebags date douchebags. being hott can only get you so far.

5. I might make a hotguyswithdouchebitches.com
lol i can make that ten times funnier
 

Get a life lzerz! GROOVE CRUISE! GROOVE CRUISE! Don't hate......just get a life.
 

Bring it bitches.....letsgetnuts.com tells the entire story.