Advice taken...and applied.

The 4 douchebags of the apocalypse:
Meth
Whore
Fannymin
Pustulence
 

where are the other 3 hardy-scrotes to make it Blow White and the 7 Douches?
 

Are the people in this pic partying in the rusted out hulk of an old zeppelin?
 

They don't sleep...
They don't eat...

They douche
 

Remember yesterday, when I said I wanted to stab myself and shove a wristwatch into the sucking wound? Reread DB1's diatribe and then tell me I'm crazy.

it all makes sense now
 

NOW who's stupid?
 

Happy hangovers, everyone.

So, Douchebags can and do exist in a Tesseract, if I'm understanding this correctly? Goodness, Madeline L'Engle was really on to something. Too bad she never saw this coming. And by this I mean poo.
 

...or, perhaps, it is that their general greasy, oily, axed, sliminess allows them to move much faster than the rest of us, slipping through time like greased pigs.


mmmm, bacon....excuse me....
 

@medusa

beat the shit out of me with your bacon strips...please
 

Aw - how cute - the bagtuplets all match!!

And by cute I mean instant gay reflex. Oops - I mean "gag" reflex.


Snarky: Perhaps 'baggery, much like evil, never sleeps?
 

@ RGB

I have thick-cut pepper or maple. Your choice.
 

So I went to an Irish bar last night for dinner and the bartender showed me this website and asked me if I had seen it and as soon as I saw the pictures, I believe I slightly pissed myself as there was a wet spot on my jeans the size of a nickel (just kidding but seriously i was uncontrollably laughing like the kind of laughter where you can't even breathe and people aren't sure if you're choking or not).. I live in Jersey, and North Jersey is DOUCHE NATION. i can go out anywhere in North Jersey on any given weekend and see 5 million of these retards. yuck!
 

At first glance, I thought it was the pile of Ed Hardy shirts I just saw at Costco....
 

After he plane crashed high in the Andes, the Phuknut brothers (Ratface, Cheeto, Sniffles, and Gimpy) whooped it up with the suddenly free stash of booze. Meanwhile, Stan "Chainsaw" Jones was already planning the quickest preparation for marinated douche.
 

Doesnt matter what time it is really...years ago when i played mens softball in the town i grew up in Essex County NJ there were guys on the team who had their hair gelled and cologne on for freakin softball games...

Marcos Douchebagdatis
 

@Rubbery Gaping Butthole

you know I can't stand that shit. Get some young asian she-males or something.

That's more like it!
 

Butt Chin on the right has a lazy eye...tee hee
 

@ my butthole

quit snapping at me
 

I'm still hypnotised by the unsavoury redness of the douche-to-the-right's nose. Rubbery Gaping Butthole - did you snap it shut on him? Bet you even made a sport of it, hiding a keg or two of Bud Light up there to lure him in and then... SNAP!

And the bloke in the middle giving himself a nipple-tweak. The trouble with that ass-hat is that there are so many little touches of douche I don't know which one annoys me more. The sunglasses. The pose. He is an unfocused mass of minor league scrote.
 

@medusa

give me the pepper baby. I like the burn
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

@scroteophobic

Ive shared this once before, but here you go. This is my
butthole. you are correct except i used a thread from an ed hardy tee as bait
 

...hrm, kind of like that phantom librarian, who keeps sorting the card catalog, years after her body is dead and buried...


So, then: "Who Ya Gonna Call???"


-DOUCHE! -BUSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

WOW, that's a lotta Ed Hardy at The Party in this crowd, and matching layout of shirt designs at that. A true and rare douche activity of highest order has been captured in this photo. Please, as a now experienced baghunter, let me explain, for the signs and symbols overwhelm my eyes.

I propose the four hatted offenders are siblings, or active brothers in frat rush/pledge initiations, and they are on a yearly mission:

Pure White Shirt is a new pledge about to become activated into the Hardy Boys douche culture by immersion. He wears the purity symbol white shirt, and like all others about-to-be-baptized, he awaits his turn in the dunk tank of douchedom.

Notice the two vestal virginal assistants, Sue and Moe(short for Maureen) who will do the dunking honors. Soon, after the ritual, Dunkin' Donuts will be served all around and a "Hardy Heave-Ho" exclaimed by everyone as he is tossed into the air to induce nausea and then vomiting, er, heaving.

By all appearances, our novitiate pledger has been busy eating at Hardee's to increase his girth, like the fabled Sumo wrestlers of Japan, the seat and site of Samurai Scrote's wisdom and widespread deeds. (Also the off- seasonal home of Sue and Moe).

Fourth hatted Hardy Boy (the frats are known by that famous book series name)wears the red-crowned crane's colors, the giant wondrous sacred dancing bird of fair Japan.

It's truly an amazing sight.
 

This is one of the most dysfunctional threads i've read in a long time. I love it.
 

Uh, Mr. White, at 9:50AM

That appears to be the interior of Plinky's Mom's whalebone corset, not a zeppelin, but it's an easy mistake to make. Remember, the Japanese are noted for their whaling.
 

Rubbery gaping butthole @ 12:29

That is the ugliest giant snapping turtle I have ever seen.

Are you sure it didn't reach around and bite off your pecker? If so, no wonder you have issues.

You need some counseling. Please see Dr Phil, and soon.
 

@whoop di douche

that is my butthole. i have trained it not to bite its master.
 

I can't believe Mr. White's wasn't more 'pissed' when he saw this pic and realized who stole the tinted front and rear windows from his Volkswagon.
 

I also can't believe I'm still hung over at 2pm and I have to start drinking again in 3 more hours...

... those mescal bottles aren't going to finish themselves you know.
 

rubbery gaping butthole...

Well, good for you. Sixteen years ago I had my butthole removed for crampin' bloody-assed Crohn's disease, but the truth be told, it migrated to the front side and has been pretty nice ever since. I keep it bagged and tied and it creates no problems.

In our household, the saying goes like this :
"There's only one asshole in this household now, and it isn't ME."
 

Crucial:
You could tkae the mescal bottles and pass them around...

Remember, there were 99 bottles of ____on the wall...take one down, pass it around.....


Just sayin'.
 

@ Mr. White 9:50

"Oh, the humanity!"
 

@RGB
That is one ugly turtle... But you know I think I'd still rather coat my dick in fish oil and dangle in a tank full of those bastards than spend thirty seconds listening to those off-the-shelf douches gibber inanely at each other. At least Rusty, Xenu and Fung had something original you could mock them for. These kids just look boring and scrotey. Not even that mockable because they don't have the 'imagination' to do it properly.

Bring back Crimson Ted and Kettlehead. But not together. Oh god, I nearly made myself sick there... That is a movie I never want to see.
 

Medusa, if your tesseract reference was an illusion to the distortion of space and time dealing with unfolded hypercubes from the Heinlein short story "-
and He Built a Crooked House" then you, madam, have reached my magic nexus of cheesy sci-fi, architecture, kinkiness, nerdacity and obscure geometry and I'd best propose to you before Crucial sobers up and does the same.
 

Just a bunchy of crazy kids havin' a rave inside of one of Plinky's Mom's colonic segmented tapeworms. The Hardy boys. Up in 'nat ass. Fo' Shizzle. My nizzle dizzle.



time to crack the sacred red seal on the Maker's.
 

Did this happen in Hoboken, NJ?
 

These guys are certainly douchebags but they get more pussy than you can ever dream of, which is of course sadder than the tears of a clown, when there's noone around.... pa rum pa pump pa pump.
 

hey anon-

go get fucked.

any of these douchebags would be happy to oblige you.

are you from boston by any chance?
 

BTW

Frat 'bags?

the only higher education these ass clowns will ever get is when they finally finish their GED's in the county lock-up.


at age 35
 

@Darksock,

How dare you. You know I’m happily married. And my firstborn son’s name is Quintus.

@Medusa,

As luck would have it, my wife passed away last night after mistaking her rubber ducky for a toaster while taking her evening bath.

So how about it? You and me in Vegas tomorrow?
 

I call buttholes "little brown squeezers."

Rubbery Gaping Little Brown Squeezer.
 

As spring training is fully underway and the choadwanks are wearing ballcaps, I think it's time to grab a 36 oz. Louisville Slugger and take some hacks in the bagging cage.

I mean, batting cage. See, I need to get some practice. An' yo, dem hotts can shag my fly balls.....word!
 

Hey, they're just fratboy Hardyboy douchebags. You cannot expect the supreme level of doucheosity from them that would come from any of the HOS members. However, that does not stop them from fiddling around with douche initiation rituals. All testosterone-laden creatures are obsessed with such gang initiations.

Any douchemaster knows it takes time to really become an uberdouche, although some are highly gifted at it, or they just got more of the Grieco virus in one fell swoop, or it mutates and they're exposed to a more powerful version of it down the dirt roads of poo-dom, which seem to prevail in the southern states as I recall in my wandering days, and not so much as it is now in Jersey, Vegas and LA, which tend more towards sand-poop than mud-poo.

After all, as my cat meows to me, "It's better to scrape over the poop in sand, and you'd better keep that litterbox clean or else I'll drop my little brown squeezers somewhere else you won't approve of. And my pissers, too."

"Oh, and hairballs are a separate category."
 

@ Sock 4:14

No, I'm sorry. I wish I was that geeky, but I only qualify for "Dork" status...all of the intelligence and social retardation, none of the working knowledge, technical skill or cultural awareness to be a true geek.

I was actually referring to Madeline L'Engle's Caldecott-winning masterpiece "A Wrinkle In Time." And I thought I was being snarkily esoteric with that, and, still you showed me up. I bow my dorky head in shame.

You and Croosh will have to battle it out, then. It seems he's grieving. Men crying make me horny. And i make pie and listen to Devo. Bring your A-game.
 

Something I genuinely don't understand is how these guys look at themselves in the mirror before going out and think "Yeah. Fuck yeah. I be bangin'."

Like, are they broken somehow? How does the warped mindset happen? Someone needs to do a thesis for their Doucherterate in Social Anthropology.
 

HEY BOYS!!!

Does everyone know that BDB has a baby penis?

I fucked him yesterday and he giggled the whole time

His famous saying was "why didnt i think of this earlier? i have waited too long to have my brown eye turned blue"
 

Q: Are We not Men?

A: We are Douche-O
 

I would whip it, but I’ve got an uncontrollable urge to place my space junk on a jocko homo’s mongoloid praying hands…


… and don’t get me started on my paranoias.
 

I have a gut feeling I know exactly what you mean, Croosh.

A minute ago I was getting sloppy over some penetration in the centerfold, now I come over here and get the shrivel up from looking at blockhead douchebags. Time to clock out before I get crazy and slap your mammy or something.
 

Coors Light coma! douche alert!

that, or he can't afford better beer, which is completely understandable as well.

i would just like to say that, although i haven't been hung over for a long time, if i stayed up late the night before for any reason, i usually don't wake up until noon the next day. bag time warp avoided!
 

how many times has britney spears' dad driven home after having dinner with K-fed legitimately worried that maybe kevin had tape recorder running and was going to backstab him, but only realizing it after it was "too late", reassuring himself saying, "its just the weed, man. its just the weed."
 

Oh please. Do I have to call Mr DNA or something?

By the way, required listening in Casa Tempest is DEVO 2.0 - music by DEVO played by tweener kids.

There's something VERY disturbing about a 12 year old girl yelping about her uncontrollable urges...

Fucking brilliant album, it is.
 

Four seperate colors as their primary defining factor from the group, four seperate signs flashed as "weapons" of spreading their douchery, reminds me of a 1990's cartoon featuring turtles that live in the sewer... Teenage Mutant Ninja Douchebags.
 

"Let's douche the Time Warp again..."
 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Douchebags.
So is the dude in white Splinter? Or is that Captain Redshirt behind them? Redshirt's hand gestures are a bit more Black belt in Douche-Fu than Whiteblimp's dangerous stare.
 

Realtardo, Spikelangelo, Douch-a-bello, and Craphael.....yep, that just about covers them.
 

Ricky Gervais sat pensively on the set of his new comedy "The Hardy Boys: A New Chapter" and realized, as he dribbled Pinot on his white tee, that it was indeed all over.
 

Ground breaking will done 1 block from Joey's In Clifton, NJ... the nexus of the DB universe in NJ.
 

i like the semi-blonde girl, she's that perfect "upper-rung out of the demographic subset of brutalized white trash chicks"

I also like that the ed hardy barbershop quartet decided to let their pet pigman out to have some fun, by feeding him said semi-blonde
 

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Hahaha, This is me and my boys in the picture! It amazes me how many losers have created and commented on pictures, that they wish they were in. You guys are a bunch of jealous low-lifes, that have never been in the same room as a hot chick. Dont be jealous! We were in Cancun Mexico doin it super grande, while you were at home whackin to youporn. And i know you are losers by the humongous words that you are using. Get a life!
 

So Orange Jules, which Ed Hardy clone are you?

Do you always equate being a moron in a foreign resort with success?

Here's a hint:

Blowing your annual paid vacation from Chili's (or Bennigan's, or insert shitty chain restaurant name here) in a Mexican resort is not the definition of having a 'life'.

Please, don't envy the large vocabulary or massive intellect. With it comes the great burden of knowing how fucked our society is. Be happy with your moronic bliss.
 

you use big words... FAGS!!

jules james is right, you need all need to get a life.

and by life, me 'n james mean a pathetic existence in which you aren't in very good physical shape, youre stupid and dont understand much of anything, you never make over 30k a year, you have an illegitimate child from "back in high school", and no one, and we mean no one, will ever give a fuck about anything you do.

just me, james and the bros. you rock james!! wooooo!
 

Yo bra! Don't listen to him. Go ahead and splurge on your exotic mexican cluster-fucks with your "boys". Also, don't hesitate to go shirt shopping with them, or tattoo each other's nut sacks with any number of cartoony skulls, hearts, or flowers. Above all, just promise me that you'll keep "doin it real grande" around the clock, because normally I only get the chance to do that at Taco Bell.

Finger-points and hat-tilts to you guys - You inspire me!
 

How original. Four over-priced tees picked up at Ross for thirty five dollars apiece whilst rockin the plastic cups on douche island.

Hey, choadwanks, pick up a rifle and squab with the the Taliban. Our troops need a rest. Then get back to me.
 

I love all of your hater comments, they are so great! I will tell u the grande contribution that I make to society. It is called a police officer. And the best thing about it is, that I might have to come save your ass one day. But regardless of the crap and criticism that is talked about me, I will still protect your ass. So as far as the burger king checks go, I am far from it. By the way im the douche in the middle, with the big smile, and the teal ed hardy. Jules James!
 

Well I never met a cop I liked so fuck you, Duncan. And by Duncan, I mean doo nuts.
 

Cops take my beer away from me. That's not "Grande" or "Baller" or noble. It's quite douchey, actually. You found the right profession!
 

HAHAHAH!!!!11onedoingitwrong

this guy's a fuckin COP???/?/

that is perfect!! cops are the biggest shitheads in the fucking country! NO COP HAS EVER PROTECTED ME... OR MY ASS. I've been a victim of entrapment, witnessed police brutality on a good friend without any repercussion, watched a police officer lie under oath... but never protect.

and bottom line... you don't make much money. "doin it grande" and wearing ed hardy might fool yourself into thinking you're living a lavish life... but we get it, dude. you're a fucking middle-of-the-road DB who wasn't smart enough to do well in school and get a better career than a cop. it was a "Plan B" move. you didn't go to college cause you couldnt afford it and you were too dumb to perform well.

if you were really noble and wanted to "protect our asses" you would have become a paramedic. or joined the coast guard. those people actually protect, serve and do good. cops don't, man. don't try to pass it off like you're a respectable guy who joined the police force for all the right reasons. you joined the police force cause you couldn't get a better job and because you like having authority over people.

say it like it is. your "contribution to society"??
you've contributed nothing. now boobies or GTFO
 

Cops in California make over 100k a year! I love my job, why go to college when it is not neccesary for the job that you have always wanted to do?
 

Anonymous said...
Cops in California make over 100k a year! I love my job, why go to college when it is not neccesary for the job that you have always wanted to do?

4:28 PM

Good job...now everyone's seen your face, you've disclosed your name....enjoy being a beat cop for the rest of your career. No undercover or Vice work for you.

*applause*
 

Hmmmmmmm....usually the biggest douches in highschool become cops.
 

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