WTF is an "Aplaca?"
 

Woman scents? Must smell like concentrated poor self image combined with alcohol induced poor decision making followed by years of a failed marriage and spousal abuse.

Ed Hardy Scents for Women: Smell the Divorce Court. Smell the objectification.
 

ah yes, Marshalls the day after Thanksgiving...what a crappy day to shop...what a crappy day to come across this mess...fuck alpacas and fuck Ed Hardy too.
 

do Ed Hardy scents smell like ass? ...just askin'
 

or is it desperate consumerism & a need to be with the "in" crowd?
 

The perfume smells like a kitchen. And clean laundry.
 

What stores can you even buy Ed Hardy shit in? Just in case I gotta start any structure fires.
 

Nice fucking article. When was the last time Ed hardy even picked up a tattoo machine? Anyone? JCVD? I dunno.

This morning I came into the shop, mopped the salt and snow sludge off the floors. I scrubbed out tubes, got down and scrubbed the fronts of cabinets and then answered endless, repetitive questions on the phone from people who have no plans to get tattooed, ever, anyway. Because that's what tattooing is. It has nothing to do with clocks or fragrances or orange dry-humpers in a club.

Fuck Ed Hardy. Fuck him in the ass long and hard with this slimy mop I push around here every morning. Because I'm still in touch with this business enough to know that I never want to have lackeys do the dirty work for me, I want to know every day how hard I had to work to get here, how much shit I had to eat, especially for being a chick. Eleven years ago there was no Kat Von D on television to convince the world that women could do this and do it well, and as a result I was basically a laughingstock, in the business and out.

Fuck Ed Hardy with the bottle of dispatch for every time a guy got shitty with me and said, "I ain't gettin tattooed by some GIRL!" Fuck Ed Hardy with a roll of paper towels for every time someone leaned over in the chair, mid-tattoo, and vomited a steaming load of booze-soaked chili fries onto my feet. Fuck Ed Hardy with a disposable razor for every 14 hour shift I worked, getting screamed at by me [former] boss to hurry the fuck up, there's people waiting! Fuck Ed Hardy with a 7-mag for the time I got punched in the side of the head by some big black buck because I made his fatassed trashy girlfriend cry when I tattooed that goddamned Baby Phat cat on her lower back.

Fuck Ed Hardy with a horse. And fuck everyone who buys his overpriced, silly shit. He's forgotten what tattoo means, and the millions of fashion whores who lap at his saggy balls have made all my hard work a fucking corporate shill joke, a featherweight, silly punchline.

Fuck.

Sorry.
 

New colgna is the smell of a bikers nut sack afetr a 3 day ride through the badlands its the sent that says..."Im fuckin sweet bra dont mess with me or I'll fight you right here you F'n queer"...
 

Yes Ed Hardy. The Flea Marketers wet dream. You put his shit next to rusty tv dinner trays and the ubiquitous around-the-world collection of beer mugs one can't tell the difference.


Ed Hardy, the Thomas Kinkade of mass marketing apparel and other crap.
 

I think I'd rather have a Goatse clock on my wall. It would be easier to explain.
 

I cant wait for Ed to start offering his merchandise in bulk at Sams club
 

medusa round of applause
 

@ Medusa

Damn! One more paragraph! One more! I'm almost there!
 

Ed Hardy perfume? Eau duh Humanity!
 

These clocks are for telling you when it's time to do TOUGH GUY STUFF, like pick up your bike from West Coast Choppers!

Or time to get a tattoo of a skull on your forearm...

Otherwise, the concept of "Time" is for pussies. And rappers who wear big clocks around their necks. And Morris Day.
 

I'm doing a lil indie film with an actress who claims to LOVE ed hardy fashion...and I have to pretend to love her.

luckily, i'm a brilliant actor.

Army of DOuche-ness
 

@Medusa

Yes! Bravo! Belissima!

I truly hope to get to this point someday. Though I hardly think that my drawings of Fish Slap being fisted by plinky's mom will fit on a shot glass. Let alone Fung on a clock surrounded by used butt plugs.

...then again...that just might sell...*calls agent*
 

This looks like a TJ Maxx...it is unimportant why or how I might know that.

"Mass-marketed individuality"...only in the United States. I love this country. I'm gonna go buy an off-the-rack persona for me and my woman today!

Jesus Christ, sometimes it just builds up, eh, M.O.? I'm starting a Paypal account to cover a monthly spa day for her. Feel free to contribute all. (and medusa, they promised there will be no more than 3 hidden cameras at any given time during your sessions.)
 

@Medusa

Wow, that was brilliant. I'm tempted to have you tattoo "FUCK ED HARDY" on my ass for that one. Or maybe my tit since it won't really go with what I already have on my back. And to make up for getting punched in the side of the head. WTF is up with that? That SO wouldn't fly at the shop I go to. Poor widdle waddy can't handle a widdle pain. Fuck.
 

Ed Hardy - the great douchequalizer

The shirt immediately screams "tool".
 

Ed Hardy - the great douchequalizer

The shirt immediately screams "tool".
 

The female stuff prolly smells like cum burp.
 

I love it when MO swears like a drunken irish sailor on shore leave who's just laid eyes on plinky's mom.

it really warms & tickles the sub-cockle region of my black heart. it's like warm, crusty pie for the soul.

*sigh*


but oh yeah, fuck Kat Von D as well. just not with my penis. her real name is Kat Von VD.

*shudder*
 

@ Jean Claude van Douche

I'd buy a couple of those shot glasses and give 'em to mum for Christmas. The look of horror and utter confusion on her face would be worth the price. Talk about a Kodak moment.

If you need more ideas for knick-knacks and such, a snow globe with my dad being raped by Mongoloids would make a quaint and picturesque gift in any home here in the snow-belt.
 

DB1, stop hatin'.

You just need to familiarize yourself "...with the depth of Hardy's artistry."

Oh God. I must go vomit now.

AV
 

@ Medusa

Spot on.

Ed Hardy is done.
And all of those little poseur bastards who flock to the tattoo parlor hand in hand to get matching Greek letters can all pile in a minivan and drive sideways off the Hoan bridge. I'll film it for posterity's sake.

I feel for all of you who tattoo. What you have to go through just to get that one client that says, "Hey, tell you what. Here's an idea, run with it. I want your art." is beyond my scope of understanding. You truly are doing yeoman's labor.

Anyone who sits down in your chair and asks, "Is this gonna hurt?" should be slapped in the face and told to be on their way.
 

Aplaca balls? I've seen ALPACA balls, but never apalca balls.

check thy spelling and correct it DB1.

And leave those alpacas alone. They are fuzzy huggies, even the males, and you are debauching them by including their species in an Ed Hardy diss.

Oh, and camel toes.
 

@Medusa

I dunno if what I have to say will be of any comfort or not, but I believe it should be said anyway...

Everything we work hard for that we truly care about, everything that we do for creativity's sake, no matter how hard it is, will one day be taken by some else who cares very little about it at all and they will use this thing to make money. They will find someone from within the industry who has been doing it for a while and who looks good on TV and will use them as a mouth piece. This thing will be popular, until the next thing comes along. The majority of people who tried this thing will inevitably leave, moving onto the next thing. But some will stay, and this thing you loved, despite having been degraded and cheapened for a little while, will then be returned to you, with a slightly larger tho slightly less dedicated audience.

And that seems to be pretty much the way of things in this capitalistic society of ours. This is meant neither to be a defense nor an attack...just an assessment of the way things are. It happened to punk music, it happened to my beloved hip hop, it happened to skate boarding, it even happened to gourmet cooking. All good things will be taken, used for a while, and then given back.

Why am I typing all this? I don't know, exactly. Hopefully, you will find some comfort in it, perhaps even some empathy.

All I can tell you is that Ed Hardy will be gone some day (probably sooner than later), but your art will endure. Whatever form it ends up in, I hope you are still there for it in the end, and I hope that it is still there for you.
 

God I hate Ed Hardy, douche replicas of tired tattoos.

So glad my last two were unique, original pieces by great female artists.

Oh yeah, when you have to hire street people to hold up signs to let the people driving around know that you sell this crap brand in your overpriced douche strip center, you are so out of it. God I hate living this close to midtown Houston(then again, midtown anywhere just about sucks, esp Dallas)
 

Isn't anyone watching the inauguration activities? Old Lion Kennedy had convulsions and had to leave the luncheon, as did Robert Byrd.

Two old douchebags.
I feel sad for Obama to have his luncheon already darkened by the misfortunes of the elderly.

Ed Hardy skulls and crossbones might be more appropriate here than one could first surmise.
 

Gotta love andre's post on the Ed Hardy article:

==================================
4. January 17th, 2009 | 1:26 pm

Ed Hardy is a corny brand; empty rock & roll posturing with zero genuine spirit of rebellion. What did you expect from their perfumes?

It would be cool if The Moment spent more time covering fashion upstarts, new visionaries etc.

- Posted by andre
==================================

If you're not already on this blog, andre, get your ass in here and get a Blogger name!
 

An aplaca is a type of South Aemrican fauna, related to the lalma, usually found in the mountains of Preu. They are pirzed for their wolo, from which the natvies of the region weave colroful graments.

--VS
 

Vniny, tahnks for calrifying. LMAFO!
 

damn bitches, cut the hungover DB1 some spelling slack-
 

sorry DB1.

everyone got fired up when they found out you were originally from Boston
 

Speaking of marketplace douchebaggery, how about this little nugget?

================================
Warner Bros. to cut 800 jobs as Hollywood down

By Sue Zeidler 1 hr 10 mins ago

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Warner Bros. Entertainment plans to cut 800 jobs, or 10 percent of its worldwide staff, as Hollywood outsources and downsizes under the weight of the current recession.

The job cuts at Warner follow staff reductions at other major media companies. General Electric Co's NBC Universal and Viacom, owner of Paramount, have already cut jobs.

Studio chiefs of Time Warner Inc's Warner Bros, the producer of the smash hit "The Dark Knight," sent an email to employees worldwide saying they will have to cut jobs in coming weeks due to the current economic downturn.....
================================

One might wonder that if the studios stopped paying in-demand actors/actresses $20 million+ per picture, they'd have more than enough left over for the little guys bearing the brunt of these cuts.

Why does that make sense to me?
 

I feel better now.

"Clocks that stick it to the man?"

So, when it's 10am, I can look at that thing and go, "Fuck you, I ain't gettin' up for work!" and give the clock the finger and go back to sleep? Then later explain to my boss what happened and he will go, "Ohhhhh, well, THAT makes sense!" Snicker!


'Cause I'd be WAY too harcore to obey the laws of time after I got that clock!

Love Kills Slowly? So does Hepatitis C. Go fuck yourself, Ed.

And you too, Alpacas! You woolly,
spitting Peruvian jerkfaces!!!
 

@ Lord Vader

Thank you, my liege. I do feel better.

As the blackest man in the universe, I can only imagine how it sickens you to see guys like DJ Bello mincing about and acting like they're straight outta Compton.

Everything sells out eventually. It's a sad fact.

But one thing will always be true....


Big, huge, juggy, awesome boobies.
 

RE: Ed Hardy and some fag frenchy designer.

To Medusa - You nailed it. As a tattoist and a woman, you clearly put up with a lot of morons and assholes. Turds who walk in, flip through some flash and walk out with some dumb shit panther or "tribal" tats. (I always want to ask them what "tribe" they're in. Stupid shits)

I have 8 tattoos, including Celtic (I'm Irish) Filipino (I teach FMA's) and a full back dragon-phoenix with Chinese characters written on a banner in the middle. My wife is Chinese. The banner is in her own handwriting - her own actual handwriting - with a very personal message for me. Each of my tattoo designs wer carefully planned and even agonized over because it's branding for life. All my tattoos were brought to life by master tattoist Raymond Jerez in his studio on the lower east side of New York. My tattoos are part of me and as such reflect my soul. All tattooing hurts, some more than others, some MUCH more. All take time. My back tattoo took 12 hours in several sittings to complete. It was worth the time, expense and pain to me.
That said, I do respect who Ed Hardy "WAS" before he became a comodity. I have NO respect for the "designer" who markets the name and democratizes crap to the wanna be poseur mall rat douchebag little shits who never had an independant thought in their lives. I wanna slap the puke out of them when I see them.
Tossing some dumbass design on a T-shirt that every dipshit with a Macy's card can buy is so far removed from what a tattoo should mean to the person that it demeans all tattoists, including Ed Hardy.


Ed Hardy poseurs, watch out, we're on to you, and we know you suck (and so do you)
 

@Medusa

As a white boy that has lived in Inglewood his whole life, being referred to as "The blackest man in the universe" is hilarious and absurd on many, many levels. That this comes on the day after MLK and on Obama's inauguration day is icing on the cake. Good on ya.

And speaking of our new prez, the next time you see him sitting somewhere all cool and calm and collected, just picture a little thought bubble above his head that says, "That's right bitches. Motherfuckin' president. That's right." I'd bet a few ducats that he's thinking that at least 20% of the time.
 

Vader. Inglewood? Que the Twighlight Zone music. We were practically neighbors. That, AND we were practically neighbors in Central America over the holidays.

After leaving Long Beach, I spent a large amount of my childhood in Bell Gardens and Huntington Park... but I'm half Hispanic.

You, on the other hand, are a white boy who survived. You must be one tough m'fucker. Or, you sold lots of weed and coke.

I'll tip my glass of Franzia later this evening to you, mi amigo!
 

And while we were practically neighbors... after re-reading my last post, I am obviously gay.

Don't tell Mrs. Head m'kay.
 

@ Medusa-

If I remember correctly, the real Ed Hardy is deceased. I may be mistaken, but I'm fairly sure...?

Anyway - huge props to you, lovely lady, for having the intestinal fortitude to take up a career so heavily male dominated. You are a true pioneer, Ma'am, and Kat Von D wouldn't even HAVE a show if women like you hadn't paved the way. And if it helps, Miss Von D would likely agree. She has come into my place of employment a few times, and seems very sweet and surprisingly humble.
 

@ Vader

we are neighbors... grew up in Ladera Heights... Crozier Jr Hi in the 70's mo fucka! no living in the low rent seaside enclave of El Segundo

... oh & Plinky, it's really warm here!

as for Ed Hardy, simply better than avg graffiti
 

Hey, whaddaya know, they designed a whole line of products for the newest brand of douchebag, the poser who has to build a "Man Cave" in his basement!

Keeeeeeeerrrryyyyst!
 

@Douche Vader @ 2:19PM

More like 50% of the time (my guess).
 

@ Heather

Ah, no Ed Hardy is very much alive, not to be confused with Von Dutch, who is very much dead. At least the designer fagification of his work happened post mortem, when he could not object.


Which, in a way, seems even worse...But I think he never would have consented anyway.
 

I saw Ed Hardy shirts at Costco last week. Still hoping that's it's death knell.
 

I feel kinda lonely out here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific. Then again being exposed to mass amounts of OC bleeth, Jerz Guido, or, heaven forbid, Boston baggary, lord knows what would have happened.

I am thankful however Ed Hardy doesn't really seem to be very popular here. It could be because we're all so very poor here though. Baby Phat, LV, and various surf brands seem to be much more popular. Though I'm sure in the twin hell holes of Honolulu and Waikiki you could find LOADS of that crap there. At least with Von Dutch you can PRETEND to pass it off onto bikers since its limited to mostly apparel and accessories. Not so much with Ed Hardy. WTF are you gonna do with that shit? Decorate your dorm room?

"Hey look guys! My clock matches my shot glasses! Why? Cause its 5 o'clock somewhere baby! No, I don't understand that either my mom just used to always say it."

That or its for easy tracking of when the roofies take effect. Mmm date rape.
 

these days, anybody can name a fragrance substance after themselves if they've appeared on a newspaper once.

we all wish getting hotties is that easy! FUCK!
 

Sigh... db1, medusa, vader et al, thanks for the poetic words. I am feeling the greater love here.

In a world where fashion trends have congealed into one giant cult of personality, it's nice to know some still think free.
 

Figures that the guy responsible for Von Douche holds the license for Ed Hardy. If you wikipedia Ed Hardy you get a picture of ashton kutcher vomiting on mary kate. I hate ashton kutcher.
 

Ed Hardy for kids?? I can't even imagine dressing up a 9yr old kid to look like a douche-weasel...Nothing says success than teaching your kid to be the poser of the playground.

I think the punishment would need to include 24/7 forced viewings of Backstreet Boys concert footage and music videos in the company of Pee-Wee Herman.
 

Have you seen the Ed Hardy diaper bag, perfect for raising a little douche from birth.