did hooman hack DB1s account? Cuz that is some QUALITY poeticality.
 

Is massengill going to have to get his sestina on?
 

Hell yea!

I gotta work on this one...
 

Ye gods, what a sight!
2nd from right
Is the only non fright.
I wish upon them a blight.

Douchelexic is testy, man, is everything OK?
Don't worry dude, it's alright to be gay.
I don't know what else to say.
Fuck poetry Thursday.
 

Night falls on the dorm room austere
Greeted by a foolish douche sneer
That is met with uneasy grins of fear
Like prisoner’s captive to a spear.

While these ladies do not reach the top tier
My nether’s don’t demand the premier
For I’d deftly remove their brassier
As if I was a hetero Shakespeare.
 

Across the room, I see the bronze sororihott,
Sheathed in a black dress,
clinging like a leaf in green shadow.
Down the ravine between her perky bosoms,
Sweet drops of sweat follow one another
Into the distances of the afternoon.

To my left,
In a field of darkness between two semi-hotts,
The droppings of last year's horses
collect into a sneering form.
I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on.
A drunken frat tard stumbles by, looking for home.
I have wasted my life.
 

(Sung to Beautiful Dreamer)

Smackable douchewank,
Snarly-faced toad,
Such an expression tells us you're a choad.
Tiddly-winks tee-shirt,
Over-priced duds,
You're in a class with the piddly-assed puds.
 

I'm not so much angry,
I just yearn for love.
black strapless boobies make me cry.
and curly haired hotts add to my malaise.

and stupid blogger.com won't let my work shine.

so i'll just sit and whine.

and mix kahlua in my coffee.

and salt my eggs with tears.

FREE VERSE BITCHES!! YAY!
 

A trendy urban shirt on this pale boy
Makes a much sense as the hole in his ear
For banging hotts may be his new ploy
But these maidens shalt soon find he’s queer.

As three young fertile looking flowers
Grow weary of the douchebag’s smug stare
Their smiles will soon start to sour
With Crucial – a ménage a trios they’ll soon share.
 

Deep black holes in earlobes
like the cavernous black mass of space
or the inside of douchebag's head
What price to pay for the validation
young girls, budding forth
unsure of the powers of what lies hidden under slender black dresses
and in delicate lace-scalloped panties
drawing to them douchebags, as overripe fruit draws an insect
the sweet smell hanging in the languid airs of summer
so shall the sweet flesh be spoiled
by vermin or by douchebag
 

File 404: God not found...
 

damn medusa. you good.
 

This image is obviously a tribute to the works of Pre-Raphaelite master painters Sir Frank Dicksee (I kid you not) and John Everett Millais, specifically Millais' "Cymon and Iphigenia" which is a visual portrayal of a poem by the 17th century English poet John Dryden. The poem described the "love of the aristocratic but boorish Cymon, who had been banished by his family to live in the country as a rustic, for the distant and refined Iphigenia". In the painting the douchily coiffed Cymon is surrounded by semi-clad hotts and bears a remarkably similar smirk to our bedazzled friend. I'm just sayin...
 

WHOSE WHAORS THERE ARE I HTINK I KNOW@?
THIER HOUSE IS IN THE VILLAGE THOUGH!
THEY WILLN JKOT SEE ME SOTPPING HERE
TO WACTHC THEIR EYES FLL UP WITH FEAR!

MY LITTLE WHORDS MUS THINK IT QUEER
TO SHOWS BOOBS QWITHOUT FLYTEETH NEAR
IN SOMEL SHITTY FARAT HOUSE DUMP
WITHOUTMY COCK FOR THE M TO PUMP!

THE YLIEK TO GIVE MY BVALLWS A SHAKWE!
TO AKS IF I WOULD ILK SOME CAKE!
THE ONLY TOHET SOUND'S THE DOUCHE@
AFTE R I KNOCK HIS FUEN TEETH LOOSE!

THE WHOARS ARE LVOELY /D ARK AND DEPE!
AND THEY MSUT FUC ME BEOFER I SLEEP!
 

I guess these girls need soft drinks
When they have to hang out with finks
The girl in brown needs two.

Even with all the Rockstar in the world
Cannot remove the urge to hurl
There is simply too much poo.

With his trademark and confident smirk
No need to tell them he is a 7-11 clerk
Maybe he can score with one, or even two.

But the girls will eventually leave
And he will have no choice but to relieve
Himself watching porn to make do.
 

Flyteeth wins.
 

I do not like pot-bellied bleeths
said Sam I am -

I do not like them in my house
I do not like them in an oversized blouse,

I do not like their cig stained teeth
I do not like to smell their fishy queefs,

I will not eat their hairy box
I will not fuck them with a petrified fox

I will not smell their ratty hair
Nor sniff their bloody underwear

I will not mount them in a bed
I will not fuck them with the dick of Ed

I will not kiss their chapped lips
Nor grease butter on their fat hips

You can not make me like them now
I would rather fuck a retarded cow

If you do not make these trollops go away
I will have to play my hand at being gay.
 

From famous artisans,
architects, movie makers,
rulers, musicians,
and dreamers,

we all want to leave our signatures
our lasting effects
our life after death

we all want to explain ourselves
who we are
who we were

nobody wants to be forgotten,

but there are many we'd like to forget.
 

drink whiskey in solitude
politely refuse the Rose Man
cloudy confetti on the floor
viviparous hearts incur
on a slippery footing
a lethal elixir
contracting pupils

stare of a provocateur
held reciprocally
immortal through the crystal ball
empty reflection of a self-made
double

more you than you are
perfectly motionless
at the bottom of the
cave of

pro-creative desperation
 

Terra Firma groans as the sneer begins to form
Kittens weep as the ball caps brim gets upturned
Nuns fornicate as the hole in his ear starts to deform
Pandas are lit on fire as the urban shirt is patterned.

But, hark! What is this?

Young shoulder flanks ripe for a suckle
Smiles that yearn for my loving embrace
An embrace often misconstrued for a tackle
But my loving meat whistle provides a safe brace.
 

There once was an effeminate 'bag.
For he wore makeup, along with Tag.
But three ladies he did snag.
Onlookers thought it was a gag.

But, alas, later they would shag.
This pic gives me a feeling like jetlag.
Why would these ladies like a fag?
Only God knows, and He I won't nag.


-Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

@Medusa

Inspiring! Brava!

@FLYTEETH

I still think you should have been able to read this at the presidential inauguration.
 

Dr. Plinky Suess!
 

I do not like plinky's sucky-ass poems
 

...cntd...

Flanked by such hotties,
Smiling and bright,
Boobies that call men's erections to height.

You're such a loser,
They're so divine,
Smackable douchewank you're way outta line, you choad,
Please take your paws off her rear-ended load.
 

Anonymous 11:11...who asked you???
 

In yon courts of institutional dorms
A misunderstanding starts to brew
Like waterlogged barely
Maidens, fresh like honey dew
Douche, stale like fossil worms

They adorn their young, supple bodies
With tapestry’s meant for a gallant affair
Douche water logs the barley
He’s clad in mistakes he should spare
They, young lasses, are fresh hot toddies.
 

Doe - eyed
girls
breath reeks of
cum
with me he said
- the man with the afro
on dickhead's shirt;
doe-eyed
girls
have afro on backwards
pussy
has afro's
said
the man on dickhead's
doe - eyed
girls.
 

Flyteeth and Plinky FTWs.
 

Dedicated to Meghan's Bag Tag...and every douche/bleeth out there...(btw this is not an entry for the FTW competition)

You are the centre of the universe
I mean, it's quite apparant actually,
That the universe revolves around you
and your problems, dramas
beleaguered waking
failure to see past the
bubble that encompasses
total existence

Meshing collision of purposes
The bird of pale air
signifies absence
hatched legless
in midair

You send scarecrows packing
divergence from a trend
Inside a globule
You gurgle effervesce
impracticable trodding
At midnight you upturn
The ghost coral of
your arteries

At the moment of silence
A tremor engulfs the hollow vestibule
Surrounding my temples
Skittering beyond the
oblong illusion of
the whole of space

The moon congealing to
A pyrrhic sphere playing the drums
Rippling waves roll across
edges collapsing at
the climax

The perils of intoxication
fumbling treason sleepers
of most ancient despair
Spiders dance mortality
to the blind side of mirrors

To immortal torture
In the abscence of a universe
Veiled through layers
of wondrous emptiness
Leaving me upright and
my shell intact

Head on to hilltop
To reach the edge of my ultimate
The sea of bubbled infinity

You see, I am also the centre of the universe...

...and the universe revolves around me as well.
 

@ JCvD

Spiders dance mortality
to the blind side of mirrors



You've got some skillz, biache.
That's some deep shit.
 

Flyteeth doing Robert Frost.

Suck on that, The Dirty!
 

We need to start the Douche Poet's Society.
 

This picture is a tad bit strange
Enough to make a man rage
I see no alcohol anywhere
Yet he snared them all with his stare
That one has an energy drink
But I see evidence they cannot think
For they chose to make their bed
I just hope they never wed
If they manage to procreate
That will be one more thing to hate
If that young douche was next to me
I would willingly give a vasectomy
 

@ Crucial 11:34

Amen.


Ooops, sorry. Didn't mean to suck your ass.
 

back stage with the cast of High School Douchical 4, The Burbs Yo!
 

Boobies,
is there a lovelier sight
that I may want to suckle
upon the left, then the right
then the left again, then the right again
then the left, and back to the right
and then the right some more, and then the right
now I am parched center hott
so please sit on my face and I'll smell your...inner thigh.
 

I'd rather sodomize myself
with a rusty chainsaw
followed by a napalm enema
than look at this douche nugget
any longer
 

@Crucial

Indeed...

Then I saw the douchebag creeping through the black, douching through the forest with a bleeth on his back.
 

Auschwitz, the meaning of pain
The way that I want douche to die
Slow death, immense decay
Showers that cleanse douche of their livs
Forced in
Like cattle
they run
Stripped of
their life's worth
Human mice, for the Angel of Douche
Four hundred thousand more to die
Angel of Douche
Monarch to the kingdom of the Grieco


yeah I wrote it, back in the 80's...with the help of Jeff Hanneman...so what.
 

From something wicked this way comes
Blank stares suburban gangster dares
Thoughts aplenty but emptiness aloft
Eyes show shame and desolate plains
Girl on left played “just the tip” and lost the game
Her future’s stark, His no more the same
Cigar stuffed earlobes, candy gangster bling
No more looking for this picture stings
Walk a mile in their shoes; ye shall see that they are fools
All look like poo 'cept second from right
From my view her booty looks ripe
 

damn. we got some serious poets here. bravo dudes.

oh, and i'm convinced crucial is flyteeth.
 

What's with these fucktards and the black button earrings? Did someone raid Mom's jewelry box?

Same with the Wednesday limerick bag.

I hope this isn't the next douchey "thing" to come down the pike after the scarf.

Oh, and boobies.
 

Dooujz face why so sullen
your life should be full of joy
for it should take mere seconds
to have black tube dress nekkid
and squealin' on the floor

you countenance is puckered
like you are sucking limes
these dames you have suckered
should be pleasing you three times

now go to momma's cupboard
grab a vat of Crisco
slather it on bare nubile bodies
and in the dark disco

you can make a devils circle
connected ass to mouth
you will ssmile like Urkle
and lose that stupid pout
 

The Bard would be proud of hotchickswithdouchebags.com today.

Can't wait for tomorrow and "Ransom Note Friday."
 

i'm liking the free-form poetry. i can rhyme if i want, but sometimes a different approach is refreshing.
 

I THINK that I shall always seethe
On douchebags and the nasty bleeth.

A bleeth whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the douchebags AX blown chest;

A bleeth that looks at TV all day,
And spreads her skanky thighs to lay;

The douche - that may in summer wear
The star of BRA! cut in his hair;

Upon whose boobies spooge has lain;
Who's doped on crack and half insane.

I may be old and long in teeth,
But only douchebags deserve a bleeth.
 

@ bcs

I think that Mr. White is Flyteeth
 

To whom it may concern,

I have your filthy whore of a daughter chained to the radiator in my basement.

Bring one million unmarked Euros, a pepperoni pizza, four nudist colony magazines, and a feral goat to Jean Claude Van Douche’s apartment at midnight tonight.

Your untouched daughter will then be promptly returned.

And by ‘untouched,’ I mean just a few times.

Sincerely,

Plinky’s Mom.
 

FrankenBleeth

The sum of their parts
One smoking babe would assemble
Anestetic sleep
And no one would be a-tremble

Take the Bleeth on the left
Remove her blow job lips
And pass me the scalpel for
Middle hosebag's hips

Take the shoulder tan lines
Of the plain chick on the right
Leave her boobs half exposed
And now we've got a sight

Oh one more thing before I close
To do with fuckface's sneer
Chop his head off with an axe
And cram it up his rear
 

Oops, I thought it was Friday, my bad...
 

Flyteeth rocks. Next time I hope my post doesn't come after his.
It's like Led Zeppelin opening for Edison Lighthouse - it's not going to work.
 

I agree with Massengill


Ooops, sorry. I'm sucking ass again.
 

@ Crucial

Just like in the sack ... you're a little premature.

ba ~ dum ~ bump!
 

face squeezed in by a garbage compactor.

yet, hotts still macked on.
legs. curves. glowing hair. tight black dresses.

succubus on the left drinks the blood of innocent people.

and then nuzzles herself in a bed of red hot coal made of scrote.

desolate despair deepens daily.
 

(sung to Where Has My Little Dog Gone)

where oh where
has my little douche gone
oh where oh where can he be
with his lip in mid snarl
and his hat turned askew
and jail bait hotties of three
 

if you wear a shirt with an Afro man,
you should have an Afro yourself too, Dan!
being second rate douche is not a plan.
might as well get some orange tan.

what in the world did i just say?
was i promoting the douchebag's way?
just put the tanning cream away,
and stuff your nostrils and throat with hay.

there, i can still rhyme.

but while we're talking about poetry, i would not be opposed to having a day allocated to astoundingly astute alliterations.
 

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve?
Thou art more douchey and more lecherous.
Rough hands molest the darling boobs of May
When Summer's Eve goes clubbing on a date...

So long as Douches breathe
And Hotts turn Bleeth
So long lives this Site
And this Site gives life to Thee.
 

And I'd lick your shoulder for a fortnight.

Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days?

Not that I'm disagreeing with the sentiment. Most of the HOTTS posted here are worth salivating over...
 

Oh nebulously ethnic chick on the left,
Of taste in men you are bereft,
Hope you're just fat not sperminated,
Hope Douche's BK job's not terminated.

An Afro'ed icon adorns your wigger,
He snears at life: Three hots; go figure,
Hope I am wrong and you're not preggers
Is that Monster or malt liquor?
 

I think that I shall never see
A thing as lovely as bleeth's knee--
Hammering his nutsack.
 

Excerpted from "The Love Song of Alfred J. Douchebag"

Let us go then, you and I,
Where the clubs are superfly
Like Broheim! throwing a shocker.

Let us go, with certain half-undressed bleeths,
Across the blasted heaths
Of darkened hip-hop dance floors
And VIP rooms with bottle-service:
Heaths that extend like a tedious argument
With Donkey Douche
About "quality ass"
To lead you to a scrotum-shriveling question...
Oh, do not ask, "Where is Fung?"
Let us pause and smell the dung.

In the club bleeths come and go
Talking of the dicks they blow.
.
.
.
I grow choad...I grow choad...
I shall grope boobies and blow my load.

Shall I spike my hair with gel? Do I dare to drink a 40?
I shall wear Armani Exchange and flash my abs.
I have seen the suckle-thighs grinding, each on each.

I do not think that they will grind on me.
 

With this pic I think I've gone blind,
more assorted unhott you'll not find,
I tried to avoid being unkind
but I'd definitely have to hit it from behind

What's up with that Leno chin?
Is it housing your unborn twin?
It lends to your looking dim
are you related to Sarah Palin?
 

O smug faced punk
you are no hunk
come to the hood & wear that shirt
I guarantee you'll sleep 'neath the dirt
 

@chupacabra

you just took my single favorite poem and made it even better.

thank you.
 

@ Douchelexic 3:28PM

1. You have excellent taste in poetry.

2. Thank for not flame-roasting my lush-yet-proportional hindquarters for desecrating Eliot. I've got nothin' but love for the man.


"I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Caressing the 'taint of Samurai Scrote."
 

when i was in HS I did academic decathlon and that was one of the poems we had to learn EVERYTHING ABOUT.

for instance, did you know that the name J. Alfred Prufrock comes from a furniture dealer in St. Louis?
 

Dude, I did academic decathlon too! [Insert terrorist fist bump here.]

I *dug* that experience so hard, even though being the only girl on the team ensured that I never had a date in high school. [Insert lone teardrop.]

We would have a blast playing Trivial Pursuit, methinks.

BTW, did you see the biopic "Tom and Viv"? TSE comes off as a neurotic butthead, but it was nonetheless a treasure trove of Eliotana.
 

hahaha. terrorist fist bump!
 

Deep in the night
A douche boy sneers
mugging hotts and chugging beers
I weep for our youth

Far on the right
Boobies perk up
Brunettes smile while douche asks "S'up?"
I weep for our youth

Dawn will come bright
Douche snores on the floor
Hotts probably topless and acting like whores
I weep for our youth
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

that earring is the same as J. Eddie Hoover wore w/ dress and pearls. You HAVE all seen that pic,right?
 

how old are these girls? they like 14 and this guy is like 31. we call him the molester