Peaches was the very first post I made on this site; he was in the weekly and I wrote that he commanded the vote of scrote.

Unlike many people on this earth, Peaches has a point.

Know this: If he were ever to wield a big foam sports finger, he would attain powers approaching (but not reaching) that of Samurai Scrote and his anal lamp.
 

I agree with the dude behind Peaches' head.

Suzanne Sommers' niece is a wholesome delight.
 

this guy can crawl inside of my asshole completely
 

Who know what utter douchery lurks in the hearts of men?

The dude behind PP knows, that's for sure.
 

Seems the spray-on tan guy missed Peach's hand.


Damn. He's whiter than Dick Cheney.
 

"Only you can prevent grease fires"
 

Peaches! Long time home slice, you my dawg, you know that. I see you still pointin' with unfettered proclivity. 'Cause that's how you roll, all Blue Steel and shit.

Gaslamp in SD is hard core, bitches! What!
 

His eyebrows form a perfectly straight line. You could use his face as a ruler.
 

"Be Somebody"
 

"Only lube can prevent anal prolapse"
 

"Pull my finger!"
 

I doubt if anyone cares, but I think I'll be going the way of pfah pretty soon.

This blog is, quite simply, beginning to bore me.

I will become more of a casual observer. Maybe post here and there, Friday Haikus, that kind of thing.

It's basically played out.

Good luck to all...and to the HCwDB reality show, movie, action figures and clothing line that will surely surface in the near future.

Meanwhile I will prepare to be mocked.

I hope you all find better ways to spend your time.

peace
 

There's more finger-ing going on in this photo than at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.
- - - - - - --- - - -

Dude if I wanted to smell dead fish and toxic waste I'd take a drive over to Lake Erie. Get your digit out of my face.

- - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - -

Christian Bale says: "I do NOT hit women, but I do hit children. Get outta my way you little snot-nosed punk."
 

I see he bears the standard of the douche upon his chest.
 

Who's the white shiny dick
That's a Bleeth machine to all the chicks?
PEACHES!
Ya damn right!

Who is the tool that would poke your neck
while his brother hams?
PEACHES!
Can you dig it?

Who's the ass that douches out
When there's pussy all about?
Peaches!
Right On!

They say this wad is a sad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm raggin' on Peaches.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's a beetle browed little man
that no one else can stand but his woman
JOHN PEACHES!
 

I am absolutely convinced that the flash exposing his hand is not just the result of general photgraphy norms so much as God's work in illuminating the righteous hand of Peaches in his Peaches Point.

Hand of God??? (either the new order song or La Mano de Dios Argentina vs UK 86)

Army of DOuche-ness
 

P or P:

Fair enough.

AC/DC has released the same album 20 times. They all rock.

Not everyone likes AC/DC.

Tell Kenny G hello.
 

Thanks JDH. Howard Stern is still doing Baba Booey jokes and Letterman still has Stupid Pet Tricks, so I think we can keep on enjoying the scrote mocking and boobie lusting for some time.
 

"I'm not going nowhere so you can get to know me"- 50 Cent.

Army of Douche-ness


p.s. in a recent interview by a newspaper in Buenos Aires Peaches was asked about his point and its origin: "como la creaste vuestra merced?" his response: "un poco con la cabez y un poco con la mano de Dios"
 

Who was Paper or Plastic?
 

I'm just thinking here that probably beyond a baseline support of Db1, letting Paper of Plastic de-thread a post with HOS member would be a crime.

Army of DOuche-ness
 

wouldn't it be very appropo to post the Uncle Sam version someone photoshopped of Peaches? now THAT was fuckin funny.
 

hopefully it wasn't PoP, but it was probably Pfah
 

@ DB1

And "You know yer a redneck if ..."
 

@PoP
You're gonna get a job where the IT assholes block this site only to mount a furious campaign to regain access to it (including, but not limited to, buying them booze, hookers, and performing the odd sexual favor), only to disappear off the face of the Earth a short time later a la Hoffa?

Well, to each their own, I guess.
 

Peaches is definitely downgrading in the hot department. This old chick looks like someone you would find in a small town nail & hair salon. Even a douche like Peaches could do better than this.
 

There once was a douchebag named Peaches,
A rooked finger at the end of his reaches;
He's banged enough poon
To stack to the moon
'Cause he's special, like Star-Bellied Sneeches.

@ DB1 - Jonathan Dildo Spankhammer (aka me) says you're welcome.

P&P had some funny posts; if he needs to go over to icanhascheezburger.com for a LOLZ CATZ palette cleanse that's cool. The negative kiss-off was regrettable though; poor form.

When a preening Gym Bag steals his squeeze, when his first born comes home from junior high with popped collar and Axe stench, when his daughter's belly swells with the greased seed of an absentee Jersey troll, he'll be back to rejoin the railing against the dark abyss. Oh yes.
 

...if you have to point at the camera everytime you see one.
 

PoP:

first off, Pfah didn't leave - his employer blocked the website. And if he is like me, he probably works on a computer all day and has other things to do at home.

Secondly, this site is more than just mocking the leading scrotebag douchewads of our time.

It is (for some of us) a creative outlet where we let our comedic freak flag fly. Why you felt compelled to fart in the vestibule on your way out the door, I have no idea.

Take care, and have fun in whatever adventures you pursue.
 

ok i really just wanted someone to comment on how my Hand of God comment was hilarious because i'm desperate for approval...

Army of Douche-ness
 

Why you felt compelled to fart in the vestibule on your way out the door, I have no idea.

That, sir, was funny.
 

@AoD

I chuckled briefly at the thought of the "Hand of God" reference. It's not everyday that you find such a suitable outlet for soccer (football) humor. BTW if you want a textbook quality example Douche bag look for a pic of Christiano Ronaldo.


Douchey Lewis amd the News
 

@AoD:

Mara - Dona!

Mara - Dona!

Good on you, mi amigo!
 

@ P or P:

What Troy said. Vaya con Dios. It's only the Internet.
 

People come and go all the time around here, but somehow, the comedic genious never quits.

Good luck Paper or Plastic.
 

@Darksock ^^^^
Your alter egos are getting easier to recognize.
 

Dammit Crucial, get out of the way.
 

Thanks love!

I'm actually a much bigger fan of New Order than of futbol but I like the possible implications of the New Order song having taken the title from the event with their futbol team and writing an unrelated song where the title still works beuatifully.

but anyway, back to Peaches, seriously his point is glowing like fucking ET....i imagine it heals small boys' wounds as well.

Army of DOuche-ness
 

I cant get over this, his hand is fucking shining in the light like the white tower of Minas Tirith or the Empress's Ivory Tower in Never Ending Story...

There MUST be a connection.

Army of Douche-ness
 

Peach's point cures cancer and powers D-Cell flashlights.
 

Peach's point dries laundry 20% faster than clotheslines.
 

Peach's point sterilizes male chinchillas.
 

@ Vader -

Oh, so every silly name like Mudleg P. Slackjaw is automatically assumed to be me now?





say, Mudleg's a pretty good name....
 

Peaches point pulverizes puppies and pummelfucks Peacocks.
 

@Darksock

Uh, yeah. Pretty much.
 

Peach's points can explode a goiter from 50 paces.
 

Peach's points can partially pop Plinky's pituitary polyps.
 

Peaches Point pacifies the the panties of the portly Placido Domingo.
 

Peaches Point parted Pharaoh's pants and pleasured his penis.
 

Peaches Point passes puberty on to Pomeranian puppies.
 

Peaches' Point plows Plinky's Mom's P____.
 

@ whoop-di-douche

Rhinoceros?
 

Plinky what is a P-rhinoceros?

A prehistoric form?

Sorry, everyone seems to make fun of your Mom. My mom died when I was a kid, so I guess I don't know what it's like to have a real mom.
 

Peaches' Point pokes prostates while keeping a poker face.
 

Scrote behind Peaches has more personality than Peaches will ever have. And he's got a point, too.

Peaches has a "flash-hand."
 

Does he do this for the pic or does he walk around with the finger pointed all the time?

Kind of a "smell my finger, bra" thing - that's what I see
 

i bet sack morris in the background licked his middle finger before throwing it up so after the pic was taken he could groom his tweezed eyebrows.
 

@ whoop

I was playing dumb when I said rhinoceros.

Yes, "everyone" does "seem" to make fun of my mom. But keep in mind it's like the Samurai Scrote thread, it's just a running gag.

You see, nobody here really knows my mom. It's just a running joke. It's not even funny. It's just a stupid thing we-all do to ... well ... to um ... lemme think ... to ... ummmm ... I don't know.

Point well made sir. Mother jokes are intolerable. Low class. Childish. Immmature. Low-brow. Stuipd. Lame. Et-cetera.
 

"With sloping, unibrow-esque forehead....."

Peaches' real name is Ben Grimm?
 

Plinky, sorry, were you talking about mom jokes or your mom there? I couldn't tell.

No, YOU'RE Stuipd. So there.
 

Plinky's Mom is so fat no matter what direct Peaches points, it's at her.
 

"I want you... To look me in the eye and dare to not laugh your ass off."

Must've been nice to be around during Peaches' heyday. He's lost none of his luster, and by luster I mean the literal luster of his greasy mug. A high kick would skid right off that fucker.
 

@ Chia LaDouche 9:10

A ruler? Hmmm, there seems to be a lot of facial-hair geometry these days. I think Peaches used his brow-ruler to help Jed sculpt that shit on his chin.

Speaking of math, and geometry, and smart stuff like that, Mr. White, can you explain your new avatar? I wasn't clear on that in the prior posts. You said something about lix, and licking it and whatever. I was wondering if you could meet me in the basement when you get home and show me what you were talking about.
 

Back when Peaches made his first appearance, I was posting as BvD and the Douche's Advocate. I'm posting now so that I am not mistaken for the grocery 'bag choice poster. (Nice send off, Troy, though 'foyer' would have had a more pleasant alliterative effect. Just sayin' from my perch here hours later.)

Think of the mastery required by a 'bag to have this sort of photostyle consistency. The timing. Has he been caught without the point? He's overshadowing a solid scrote in the background to the point where he's barely noticed even with his own innane point.

Hottie has a deranged Elizabeth Montgomery look that I find a bit scary and a bit alluring. But I'm pretty sure she's the type that would boil my kids' bunny rabbit. Beware, Peaches.

I wish pfah would go ahead and purchase the aircard. That is how I finally said fuck the block. The Man can't keep you down if you have the right toys.

Douche on, DB1.
 

His eyebrows set level by the same alien technology that fashioned the uncanily precise stones of Douchu Peachu.

His mandibular configuration knows but one preset.

His pointing hand glows white hot with the Power of Douche.

His gaze wavers not towards the Valley of Cleavite.

Look upon his works, ye scrotey, and despair.

--VS
 

Uncanily precise stones, no doubt born by aplacas from the quarrying site, btw.

--VS
 

Reminds me of bloodsport ... when Chong-Li says "You are next!!" ...
 

"Touched ya again"

by P o P ...leave with a smile & don't be bitter. we'll continue to carry the torch

& you'll be welcome back
 

while i don't know who Elizabeth Montgomery is, i would like to echo BvD's comment about the hottie's deranged look. Peaches is the new heroin!
 

Anytime, Medusa. Anytime.

The long and the short of it is that my new avatar gives a rough approximation of how many prime numbers there are in a given neighborhood. Sadly, the graph of this function is not as disturbingly straight as the geodesics that Peaches uses for eyebrows.*

*Note: I just made jokes that only someone versed in both number theory and differential geometry would get. Therefore, I am quite possibly as big a tool as Peaches.
 

@ Steve L

Samantha Stevens from "Bewitched" r.i.p.
 

Leave Peaches alone, dammit! That point is all he's got. See, he's got a terrible lisp, and stutters, and, well, the point keeps him centered.
 

@Mr. White

I think most of us will give you a permanent notatool pass on the math jokes considering your more socially redeeming activities, such as urinating on teen girls, but BE WARNED, straying into the forbidden territory of math puns will result in a most severe beatdown and shunning.
 

His hott has been downgraded, yet the point lives on....
 

Peaches amused all, by showing off the Jinormous coke booger he just harvested.
 

BvD wrote:

(Nice send off, Troy, though 'foyer' would have had a more pleasant alliterative effect. Just sayin' from my perch here hours later.)

Thanks!

The choice of vesitbule had more to do with metrics than alliteration.

Fart in the vestibule is two dactyls - a waltz, if you will -

ONE two three ONE two three

while "fart in the foyer" is a dactyl followed by a trochee, for a five beat,

ONE two three ONE two.

Fine for progrock and Dave Brubeck, but I felt that the emphasis on te punchline (vestibule) would be better served through a foreshadow of metric simularity.

But foyer is a good one!

cheers!

TT
 

@captain

I'm with you. Puns are the Carrot Top of humor.
 

I think Peaches is doing that thing your big brother used to do to you. He'd be smacking you and fucking with you and you'd yell, "MOM!!! JEFF KEEPS TOUCHING ME!" And then Mom would sigh into her third brandy alexander of the morning, "Jeff, quit touching your brother." And then Jeff youd get his hand all close to your face and wave it around and go, "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" And then you'd yell for your Mom again, and she would start to yell at Jeff and Jeff would say, "What?!?! I'm not touching him!"

'Cause Peaches is probably that kind of a dick.
 

This is what douching is all about right here. Peaches is a legend.


Peaches............Never forget.
 

".....a rough approximation of how many prime numbers there are in a given neighborhood."

I thought he was doing a cougar/MILF count. I guess that would still be sort of a math joke, huh?
 

I'd break off Peaches' finger and ram it up his rectum without lube while his Mom (Joyce, at right) watched. Of course he'd need his colon resectioned afterward.


I met a turdblossum like this in a bar a few years ago. I had gone to this place with a few friends because we heard it was a good place to throw darts. We made the mistake of throwing at this guys favorite board. He came swaggering in and, when noticing the adults playing starts with the, "Hey, whose using my board?" schtick. We ignored him for a few minutes until he started the same thing again from right behind us.

I asked, "Son, is your name printed on this board?" He looked at me crosseyed for a moment, and then pointed at me, "Hey, I'm asking niiiiii....SHIIIIT!" I took two steps forward, grabbed the finger and pointed it skyward. "No, son, I'm telling you nicely. Go play somewhere else." (or something to that effect. Maybe I said, drink somewhere else.)

Unfortunately, the owner noticed the fracas and tossed us both out. My friends were half expecting him to be waiting outside, but he was nowhere to be found. Now, on the rare occasion of when I go out with my old gang of accountants, engineers and ambulance chasers, I get the "Wanna go back to that dart bar?" I usually respond with, "Only if you point the way."
 

I admire the guy behind Peaches. He's knows what's goin' on.
 

The guy behind Peaches signals that Peaches is Number One.
 

The guy behind Peaches signals that Peaches is Number One.
 

Holy shit, that's me! I cannot believe we are on this website... Too funny!