Amen. Selah. Best rant ever DB1.



Nothing more needs to be said.
 

fuck yes. in before spurs fan gets here.
 

So...um.. DB1, how do you really feel?
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

@bcs

Hooman doesn't deserve to have "Honorary" spelled correctly in his title.

Actually, I checked out the DUI link, and I went to an article about Joaquin Phoenix.
 

To quote the immortal bard Charlie Sheen in that cinematic masterpiece 'Major League':


" You want me to fuck him up for ya?"
 

fuck SpurFan

but I am sure he will rear his ugly head and spew his hate for this site and his undying love for Nik Bitchie
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

.....as well as the late, great Paul Newman in 'Slapshot':

"Suzanne licks pussy!"




i know it has no bearing whatsoever on this topic, but the meds haven't kicked in yet...


Cheers!
 

I finally turned my yellow teeth white, and I did it with under 10 dollars!

that's really all that needs to be said.
 

well i mean, really, nik is the first reality blogger. it says so right on his site.
 

call me crazy, but doesn't Hooman Karamian bear more than a passing resemblance to Donkey Douche?



coincidence?


or do giant sacks of poo all look alike?
 

Has/does anyone here visit "The Dirty?"

I'm actually surprised there aren't a thousand more sites like the one DB1 described.

And before you say it Anon, I'm not going to start my own sucky website so I can tell my own sucky jokes.

Fuck hole.
 

What the picture of Perry Ferrell doing up there?
 

i'm surprised db1 refers to him as nik ritchie the whole time instead of hooman.

hooman karamian and his one man fan club, spurs fan.
 

i had a Hooman Karamian stereo in my '88 Escort GT


that was a piece of shit as well
 

There once was a douchebag with the name Nic Ritchie
Whose main claim to fame is a website that’s glitzy
But it’s worse than boring
It’s just attention whoring
By a talentless hack whose act has become bitchy.
 

Does this guy really think he's doing a "community service"? 'Cause if so, I totally get where he's coming from.

I scratched my balls yesterday, and I heard the world weep a tear of joy at my selfless act.
 

anagram for hooman:

An Homo
 

That's one ugly, useless man.
 

Hoo(man)ray for frosted tips!!!
 

Hooman Karamian looks like Boston Bag's coke dealer
 

Hooman Karamian is so furry, his mother must be a ferret
 

I've had bronchitis for the last month.

The crap that i hack up from my lungs looks better than Hooman Karamian
 

I tend to just go on like The Dirty never happened.

I trust Spurs Fan will show up just as soon as he's done with his anal beads?
 

Judge not, lest ye be judged, Hooman. Good lord, what a wanker. Did you notice the animal print trim on his shirt in the mugshot? Blargh!

DB1, I'm kind of disappointed that you're NOT the John Denver guy. I would have enjoyed pondering the Annie's Song v. Rabid anti-Scrotewankery dual nature of your identity. You look more like Cat Stevens, right? Maybe I should buy the book....
 

Here's hoping Hooman Karamian & Joe Francis get to be cell mates.
 

Is that jacket Members Only?
 

Nice haircut.

I guess everyone will be sporting the Dead Muskrat look this spring
 

maybe Spurs Fan is busy working today. Those nudie booths at Adult Mart don't wipe jizz off themselves, ya know.
 

Even Criss Angel (Sarakantos) thinks this guys a douchebag
 

way to put nik on "blast", DB1!
 

get rad is not funny
 

Nik is my hero!
 

Why's he call himself 'Nik Ritchie'?

Was 'Asshole of the Year' already taken?
 

You guys are just jealous cuz your site is fucking lame. 2001 called, they want there site design back! Burn.

I love felching.
 

I made the unfortunate choice of clicking on the home link on The Dirty and attempted to read the fourth-grade-level photo captions.

It's like a site for douchebags to make fun of other douchebags.

That paradox confuses and frightens me.
 

That link was hilarious! My favorite line from the comments thread:

Samurai Scrote Says:
I am going to rape you until the room stinks.
 

Hooman Karamian felches John Mayerbag
 

i am always irked by those who throw out the term douchebag without a moment of self-reflection which would surely reveal the irony in their statement. nik richie is most certainly a douchebag and that he even dares to use the term as though he is immune from its meaning is simply painful.
 

I think Hooman sold me my boombox
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

I really think Spurs Fan is the only positive contributor to The Dirty. Everyone tells him how stupid he is and how HCwDB is better. Because it's true.

Hooman and Spurs Fan make me want to eat the rash I pick off of my festering butt cheeks.
 

Interesting that this showed up the same day that Nik posted a bitch and moan against YOU on his website. Methinks there is perhaps a war underway.

The thing is, most of the people on The Dirty commenting make goldfish look intelligent. I am faithful to both websites, and I recognize that HCwDB is infinitely better. The fact that some of those bottom feeders will come to THIS site to defend Nik is laughable (and extremely annoying).

I just read it because I know my ex-douchefriend will be on there some day, and I look forward to it.
 

Douchetoevsky, don't misquote the classics:

"Want me to drag him out of here, kick the shit out of him?"
 

He looks like Anonymous Male victim #1 from Scarface.
 

that samurai scrote "rape you till the room stinks" line was mine, but i stole it from it's always sunny in philadelphia...
 

Obviously Nik's taint resembles a giant Arby's sandwich gone bad.
 

Nik Ritchie plagiarizes his jokes from Happy Meal boxes.
 

Nik Ritchie watched Tool Academy hoping to get a deal on socket wrenches.
 

@ Joshua-

sorry, my bad. i stand corrected.
like i said, the meds haven't kicked in yet.


but it's the spirit of the thing that counts, no?
 

DB1, are you trying to say Nik Richie "fills up your senses like night in a forest?"

That was one of the best rants ever.
 

My favorite line from the HCwDB thread on the Dirty was

"If men's taints were Applebees, Nik Richie would be eating good in the neighborhood."
 

Nik Ritche bathes in the La Brea tar pits.
 

Nik Ritchie owns a banana farm on Coconut Island.
 

Nik Ritchie got rejected by a blind sheep.
 

Plinky's mom actually turned nik ritchie down.
 

With DB1 mentioning suckage so much, I could've sworn he was referring to....

hhmmmmm
 

dirty, dirty unghhhhh!
 

I haven't been to that website since the last flare-up and never will again. I value my last remaining brain cells too much and besides...

...my saved Bookmarks page is filled to capacity with Bovine Autofellatio websites.
 

I think it needs to be said:

DB1, it's simply uncalled for to belittle tijuana hooker taint by comparing it to disgusting things that shouldn't be licked. Was plinky's mom's taint already being licked?

oh, and your I like turtles line was pure gold.
 

Some of the comments left on the Dirty DB1 poster still make me giggle.

Here's my question: So Hooman goes by an assumed name on the web because he (a) hates his heritage, (b) hates his parents, (c) hates himself, and/or (d) wants to try to distance his online persona from his DUI arrests. O.K., fine. But why pick a psuedonym that makes you sound like a character on The Hills? Why not go with something infinitely more Google-able, like Sir Pimple on the Taint of Society?
 

Nik Ritchie's birth name is actually Anonymous.

And now he has his own website and speaks for all those who share his name-sake.
 

DB1 -

Excellent work - grand flammage!

Proud of ya, boy. right proud of ya.
 

Nik Ritchie got turned down by a corpse.
 

Nik Ritchie is what you get after leaving a Lithuanian biker's spent condom to bloom in the Baltic sun.

I believe bleach helps, my friend.
 

I actually had never heard of that guy so I took a look at his site- man, DB1 you're right, I've seen funnier writing in the obituaries. You, on the other hand, keep up the great work.
 

It’s pretty easy to tell which comments in this thread stem from Hooman’s toilet bowl. The average reader’s IQ of that septic cistern of a web page would be surpassed by fossilized feather of a mongoloid Dodo bird. The veiled attempt at humor is so simplistic it would be rejected by the regurgitation specialists working in the Dane Cook or Jackie Joke-Man Martling writing camps.

Hooman writes, and Carrot Top weeps.
 

Nik Ritchie got slapped by a hermaphrodite Dugong while trying to fist it wearing a diaper filled with lemur cuticles and wetnaps, 'cause it reminded him of his spent youth molesting turtles.
 

Sometimes, reading the comments on here, I feel like a retarded kid at a Mensa meeting. I like turtles, too.
 

jesus. i just read threw that whole comment thread on the dirty. it was amayzing. i liked hooman's little edits to people's posts. what a cockbanger.
 

Hey Nik Sally, Dick and Jane called. They think The Dirty is light reading.
 

Whereas, reading comments on the Dirty, make me feel like taking a dump.
 

Come on, Hooman, dry your eyes
Wipe your tears
Never like to see you cry
Wont you please just blow me?

I wouldn't ever try to hurt you
I just needed someone to felch me
To fill my ass while you were gone
To fill my space with anal beads

You're only Hooman
Of grease and poo you're made
Hooman
Born to drive while drunk

So many nights I longed to mount you
So many times I looked and saw your taint
Nothing could change the way I feel
Only whores could ever take your place

You're only Hooman
Of anal leakage you're made
Hooman
Born as a mistake

I am just a man
Please forgive me

The tears I cry aren't tears of pain
They're only to hide my guilt and shame
I t-bag you, now I ask the same of you
While we were apart I was Hooman too

You're only Hooman
Of pus and spooge you're made
I am just a man
Hooman
Born for DUIs
 

DB1,

Hoo, man — that was some prime smackdown. Take a long lunch.

Fuk Nik.
 

Hey Nik Ambien called ... your website's putting them out of business.
 

DUI in a construction zone? I hope he tries for double or nothing.
 

@ Bagger Vance

Yes, DUI in a construction zone. In his home country that's called 'firing employees.'
 

HCwDB - how often do you have to break out the Thesaurus to write this shit!?

Only "The Dirty" will survive!
 

I can't wait to see Hooman's response, in 7-10 days, he'll have to find someone to translate into 'douchebonics' for him first. After which, I imagine his response will be something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, well you smell!"
 

I like turtles too
 

Well played DB1... well played.

-asshat
 

Hooman didn't catch 1/3 of what you said, DB1.. But I sure as hell thought it was funny.

I'm pretty sure he was driving the cab I was in during my last trip out west. I STILL can't get that smell out of my sweater. Douchebag
 

If indeed, The Dirty does survive, it will be in an Idiocratic Utopia that I cannot bear to be a party of.

My home in Costa Rica, along with cases of mescal and stogies await.

Who's with me!?
 

Whoa.

Did he steal that Beverly Hills Dentist account off the sidebar or something?
 

@ Crucial Head

Just tell me there's at least 1 five-star golf course nearby and I'll be your little cabana bitch until my liver gives out.

Which will be like, uhhhh, a year.
 

You're already a little bitch plink.

A suck-ass one.
 

Nik Ritchie looks like the lovechild of Crazy Gideon and an Armeinan octogenarian
 

Jesus Christ. I woulda just copy and pasted DarkSocks rant DB1, that shit is intense. Mad props sock. I love his comeback at the end.
"*Honestly, how long did you waste on this? I fell asleep halfway threw and also when you started writing The Dirty as a plural entity.- nik"
Good one Nikky.
 

Croosh
I'm in, as long as there is a near unlimited supply of Flor de Cana.

Plink, what exactly did you do to gain yourself this little anon admirer?
 

@Plinky,

There are a number of superb courses along the Pacific Coast.

You can golf, Douchetoevsky can where his wetsuit and frolic in the water, the huntresses can model various swimwear and the rest of us can mock douchebags and turn our livers into Swiss cheese.
 

wear = where, dagnabulibitch!
 

I can't spell for shit today.
 

@ Anon 1:19


Wow. A fart that was sealed with King Tut in his tomb and released centuries later was fresher than any of your jokes.

I'm not trying to be mean, but were you almost aborted?


Just askin'.
 

@ Crucial 1:26

Douchetoevsky can WEAR!
 

@ Vader

Dunno. But I almost laughed at the "suck-ass" crack. I think this anon puss-bag is thinking of another plinky.

Me?
Asshole? yes. Dickhead? certainly.
Shithead? most definitely. Great lover? Absolute certainty.
 

Some people are slower than snails slithering against the wind through molasses...
 

@ Crucial

Seriously, all ass-kissing and man-love aside, do you ever rent your house in Costa Rica?
 

Have I mentioned before that my taint smells like beef jerky and Bazooka bubblegum?
 

If Ritchie's eyes were smaller and an inch closer together and he'd be the Donkey Douche.
 

Nothing but Ice outside, kiddoes. I hate myself, sometimes.
 

Nik Richie works nights as an elephant suppository.
 

Nik Richie's freebases Cheez Whiz.
 

Nik Richie flambées each testicle with a carefully formulated ginger glaze.
 

@Crucial

I accept your most gracious booze and breeze offer, as long as I can have a spot on the beach upwind from plinky and downwind from Medusa.
 

What the Hollywood Grind article omitted was Nik Ritchie moaned like a house cat in mid-Summer's heat when he was given a cavity search.
 

@Plinky,

My father lives there for most of the year, but we have rented it out on occassion. It's about a four hour drive to the coast, but it's close to the capital.

The nightlife there is incredible. And by nightlife, I mean hookers in your case!
 

any chance someone can post the darksock rant into here? (shamespear?)

Work is blocking theDirty, which in all probability is a blessing
 

There is no end to how much Karma played in the nabbing of this douche nozzle.
 

I'll second the request to post the darksock rant here. I'd rather not venture into the bile stew that is 'the dirty'...
 

where?
wear?
wherever, whatever, whenever, i'll be there bitches!


even if i have to crawl on my belly, greased up and naked across the dark underside of plinky's mom's asscrack without a sherpa , the proper vaccinations or oxygen to get there!


i hate spelling nazis.
 

Dildo. That is all.
 

@ Jean Claude Van Douche

I thought you liked the smell of patchouli, vomit, 16 year old Somoan pussy and burnt monkey hair?

Why would you want to be upwind of me?
 

when someone pops out of nowhere driving a Porsche, sporting a website whose design points to a lot of money poured into it, and at the same time claiming to be a voice of reason against consumerist and hedonist excesses, you know that something is fishy.

so how can this fishiness be explained? the most logical explanation is that Nik obviously used to work in a high paying but very douchey job (like KING DOUCHUOUS IV, or god forbid we use his even douchier name, FREDDY FIGS), and was fired for un-deliciously douchey reasons or somehow decided that there's more money / fame to be made in semi-celebrity douching.

in any case, i expect HCwDB will confront more enemies in the future. such is the way of life. but for every challenge there is an opportunity, as we have witnessed in what transpired between Darth Vader and Boston Douchebag.
 

"The premise of the web site is for people to be held accountable for their actions,"

...Like driving under the influence in a "Members Only" Safari Jacket?
 

I once helped a Mexican drug lord shove condoms filled with heroin up Nik's ass with a broomstick. True story. The best part was when I got to use that same broomstick to beat them out of him on this side of the fence.

Fucking mules!
 

I concur.

I visited that site 1x, back at Hooman's little John Denver jab, and haven't been back.

TD seemed like a shameful, IQ-Destruction exercise in The-St.-Patrick's-Day-Parade of hard-core scatology;

-as performed by Special Olympics bronze medalists.
 

+1 Costa Rica
 

@plinky

Because I prefer to be downwind from douchetoevsky's rotten jellyfish lined jacket that hasn't been washed since Sid Vicious wiped his ass with it back in the day, 'cause we all know there sure as hell wasn't any toilet paper at CBGB.
 

Why is it that so many Iranians are the Guido of the Middle East.

He needs to be hit with my shoe. I'll throw them at him, and a razor... opened.
 

Once, at a large tourist aquarium with the clear walk-through tunnels packed with vacationers, I witnessed a wheeled 'tard projectile vomit his only hot lunch of the week all over the narrow walkway, then sit in it crying while his cursing wranglers ran to find a hose. The smell of shame and bile in that enclosed space reminds me of the one and only time I ever looked in at The Dirty. And, not surprisingly, I don't feel the need to go back.
 

A few hours late, but here's DarkSocks (extremely long) rant -

"I know surprisingly little about The Dirty. I know nothing about its background or origin. I do not know when The Dirty was created or what it has done besides manipulate everything and everybody. Nevertheless, I can tell you all that you need to know about it. There are a number of reasons it isn’t telling us as to why it wants to force us to do things or take stands against our will. In this letter, I will expose those reasons one-by-one, on the principle that I can’t understand why it has to be so dangerous. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside its head and is making it make empty promises. It’s a bit more likely, however, that somebody has to challenge the present and enrich the future. That somebody can be you. In any case, The Dirty operates on an international scale to play on people’s conscious and unconscious belief structures. It’s only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let The Dirty manipulate public understanding of denominationalism.

Couldn’t you figure that out for yourself, The Dirty? If we let The Dirty sow the seeds of Fabianism we’ll be reaping the crop for quite a long time. Rhetoric aside, I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for The Dirty’s subterfuge. I’m thoroughly stunned. The Dirty’s planning to exploit issues such as the global economic crisis and the increase in world terrorism in order to instigate planet-wide chaos. Planet-wide chaos is its gateway to global tyranny, which will in turn enable it to force us to tailor our ventures just to suit its meddlesome whims.

Just the other day, some of The Dirty’s inaniloquent grunts forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described The Dirty’s blueprint for a world in which nettlesome personæ non gratæ are free to rot out the foundations of our religious, moral, and political values. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that militarism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other “ism”. That’s why it’s The Dirty’s favorite; it makes it easy for it to condone universal oppression. Please, please, please help me name and shame The Dirty’s legates for their contemptible acts of fogyism. Without your help, The Dirty will surely cultivate the purest breed of irresponsibility.

To be honest, The Dirty’s hysteria-producing orations are sufficient to give pause to the less thoughtful among us. “Oh, oh,” such people think. “We’d better help The Dirty cause pain and injury to those who don’t deserve it —just in case.” The Dirty’s aberrant attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, The Dirty, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that unlike it, when I make a mistake I’m willing to admit it. Consequently, if — and I’m bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of “innocent until proven guilty” — The Dirty were not actually responsible for trying to distract attention from more important issues, then I’d stop saying that The Dirty’s refrains have experienced a considerable amount of evolution (or perhaps more accurately, genetic drift) over the past few weeks. They used to be simply logorrheic. Now, not only are they both disrespectful and unsympathetic, but they also serve as unequivocal proof that if I am correctly informed, The Dirty, who has posed as Savior of the World, is nothing else but the world’s seducer, its destroyer, its incendiary, and its executioner. In any case, it could use a heavy dose of sensitivity training. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that the only way for it to redeem itself is to stop being so pusillanimous? There aren’t enough hours in the day to fully answer that question but consider this: The Dirty’s occasional demonstrations of benevolence are not genuine. Nor are its promises. In fact, pointing out that The Dirty’s newsgroup postings are totally anal-retentive is a sure way to release an outpouring of scorn and resentment from The Dirty. But I digress. It has been said that mudslinging is The Dirty’s forte. I believe that to be true. I also believe that if I seem a bit cacodemonic, it’s only because I’m trying to communicate with it on its own level.

The Dirty’s more than incoherent. It’s mega-incoherent. In fact, to understand just how incoherent The Dirty is, you first need to realize that it should start developing the parts of its brain that have been impaired by philistinism. At least then it’ll stop trying to destroy the sovereignty of all nations and every feeling or expression of patriotism.

I suppose we could get The Dirty to shut up by stirring up trouble. Obviously, that The Dirty-esque scheme is akin to throwing out the baby with the bath water. Let me propose instead that we suggest the kind of politics and policies that are needed to restore good sense to this important debate. If The Dirty were paying attention — which it would seem it is not, as I’ve already gone over this — it’d see that you may make the comment, “What does this have to do with the worst sorts of avaricious, abusive bohemians there are?” Well, once you begin to see thelight you’ll realize that if it is going to make an emotional appeal then it should also include a rational argument.

The long and short of it is that The Dirty might have been in a lethargic state of autointoxication when it said that diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. More likely, perhaps, is that I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, “No one need be surprised if our culture’s personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of The Dirty.” I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I’m not the only one who thinks that The Dirty likes to posture as a guardian of virtue and manners. However, when it comes right down to it, what it is pushing is both sullen and tactless.

The Dirty is differentiated from your average dotty lothario by virtue of the fact that it wants to blame those who have no power to change the current direction of events. I must ask that The Dirty’s rank-and-file followers place a high value on honor and self-respect. I know they’ll never do that so here’s an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to lay all of society open to the predations of organized criminality. Isn’t it true that I should state this explicitly? If that’s not true, tell me why not.

I don’t mean to imply that infantile mouthpieces for asinine classism ought to be worshipping at a higher altar than the bottom line of a balance sheet, but it’s true nonetheless. I draw strength and courage from knowing that most people comprehend the crusade to stop The Dirty and are supportive of my role in it, which makes it obvious to me that The Dirty likes to seem smarter than it really is. It therefore always amuses me whenever it cracks open a thesaurus, aims for intellectualism, misses, and lands squarely in a puddle of nutty frippery. The Dirty’s claim that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind.

The Dirty’s method (or school, or ideology — it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of “The Dirty-ism”. It is a vengeful and avowedly insecure philosophy that aims to take credit for others’ accomplishments. I cannot promise not to be angry at The Dirty. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it fromeading me — as it leads The Dirty — to rewrite history to reflect or magnify an imaginary “victimhood”. I respect The Dirty’s expositions, although it asserts that its way of life is correct and everyone else’s isn’t. Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by concrete evidence. And that’s it. The Dirty’s zealots coerce children into becoming activists willing to serve, promote, spy, and fight for The Dirty’s hijinks.

**Honestly, how long did you waste on this? I fell asleep halfway threw and also when you started writing The Dirty as a plural entity.- nik
 

He looks like a total douche.You see him and want to slap him accross the face...with your penis.
 

DarkSock, takin' one for the team.

also, i broke into tears halfway THREW.

HAHAHAHAHAHA
 

@ Anonymous @2:56 PM

Maybe with YOUR penis. I don't want to catch anythig.
 

DB1,

This post brought me out of retirement. Well done good sir!

Sincerely,

Orel Douchehiser


P.S. Still no Spurs Fan or Nik? Cat got your tongues? Maybe Hooman's intern is still proofreading his retort...
 

OK, Hooman is obviously a choad of the highest order, based simply on The Dirty. But as long as we have to waste pixels on this turd, we might as well go down the checklist:

1) Members Only straight outta the 80's: check, with bonus for the douche-tastic leopard accents
2) 1980's Miami Vice facial pubes: check
3) Dyed faux-hawk: check

In summary, you're a douchebag based on your website alone; you're a douchebag based on your appearance alone. Bascially, you're just a giant douchebag.

Hooman = Loser
 

I fart in his general direction.
 

guys, darksock rant is generated by a program. you just enter any name and it spits out long rants inserting a name.
 

@bcs

Thought so. Sum bitch did that once before during a retarded flame war. I was three bourbons deep reading that thing before I figured it out last time. Evil genius indeed.
 

@bcs (11:57)

"And then I'll roll around in that stink until I'm covered in the stink...dude, quit pulling your teeth out!"

Sunny in Philly...good stuff

As for "Dik Itchie" and the rest of the fags from 'The Dirty'..you're not funny...please stop
 

@ Mike (12:44)

Love your comment...pure hilariousness.
and
I too, like turtles
 

he looks like christian slater and sasha baren cohen had a son
 

I blame him for the Battle of Thermopylae.
 

Nik Ritchie confused me. His messages made me feel like I enjoyed the d baggin. I wish my father had been around when rock and roll was cool.D Dagin and peacockinh leaves me unfullfiled. I wish mom and dad could settle their economic differences.
 

Just Wow. I think that Pfah started that site.
 

the dirty did have purty colors and stuff.
 

But you did that whole post on the "scissors mafia." Where did you get that? I'll bet you thought that was funny.
 

I just read this guy's latest post on his site: "THE DIRTY ARMY: So this girl apparently thinks that being bright orange is hot. Personally she looks like a nasty taller version of an oompa loompa. I wonder if she tastes like Orange Tang down below?- nik"

That is honestly the worst writing I've ever read. It doesn't even make sense. Also, what other kind of Tang is there besides orange Tang?

Well, I've gotta go eat some green broccoli and orange carrots. See what I did there? I said the colors of the food. Pretty clever.
 

This guy is to Armenians what guidos are to Italians.
 

@I Read Both Sites:

You just made DB1's point. Now go back to your juvenile site and leave the grown-ups alone.
 

I think that everyone should leave Spurs Fan alone, or when he gets home from his night job as a fluffer for the latest bukkake movie, he'll subject you all to poor grammar. There have been studies that show humorless rants and bad grammar are contagious over the internet. The warning is mostly selfishness on my part because I don't want to read a bunch of verbal diarrhea the next time a pic of an orange guido is posted. I prefer it if you all retain your wit so that you can continue to mock bags for years to come.
 

He's just basking in all the attention you give him for and at his site. Like Gov. Blagojevich, bad publicity is just as good as the good PR.

Just ignore the unappealing, festering douchebag with way too much body hair. He probably smells like a wet dog.
 

Great tirade, but I think I was happier before I knew this scrotestain existed.
 

Holy shit, that is some bad writing. My eyes need a hug or something after trying to read Hooman's drivel. Next time I can't sleep, I'll head there.

Who fuck name their kid "Hooman." Sounds like he was named by lolcats.
 

i had not visited thedirty.com until a few minutes ago.

i feel like i just sucked on a cotton ball.

i'm gonna have to go watch asian porn for two hours to get this taste out of my mouth.
 

Hooman just keeps getting uglier every time I scroll down here.
 

He resembles the dual ingrown hair I once had in the crease of my sack and shaft. Fucker grew so big, I went to the doctor thinking I had caught something. He recommended I come back in a day or two and he would lance it, but instead I went home; with the slightest of proddings (and an enormous amount of pain), the boil ejaculated a viscous, brownish-green pus which to this day I swear smelled so bad I could taste something. I shakingly pulled the two half-rotten hairs from the open hole that was left, prayed to god, and squeezed again, milking yet another highly painful fingernail-sized oozing of now blood-flecked skuzz and passed out, knocking my head on the side of the sink as I slid off the toilet.

Nick Ritchey, your tale made my scar ache. Yes, I have and will always carry a scar from that thing, both mental and physical, and it doth ache at the sign of enough douchitude. Fuck you, limpdick.
 

Jesus H. Christ. That has to be the lamest fucking site in recent memory. English obviously isn't his first language, and funny definitely in his vocabulary. What an ass wipe.
 

His website says; "Live From Chicago".
Plus, I can't help but to notice a striking resemblance to Donkey Douche. Are they possibly brothers?
 

@Rubber Douchey

Wow. The hitting your head was a nice final touch.
 

hilarious. best rant this week.
 

Ok...I really had no idea wtf thedirty was until this post. Wait, before I go any further, the only way that having a name like Nik Ritchie and being cool would be if you were Lionel Ritchie's adopted son/daughter. However, if you are NOT Lionel Ritchie's adopted son/daughter, that name is fucking obsurd. But your parents give you your name, right? I mean there's nothing he can do abou...wait, no, I almost forgot that this guy GAVE HIMSELF THAT NAME. Are you fucking kidding me??? Seriously???

Ok, sorry. Back to what I was saying. I went to thedirty and I was shocked at how LITTLE effort goes into the commentary of this website. Thedirty.com is the Andrew Dice Clay of genuinely (sp? - too lazy to google today) funny blogs/sites. The har-harrific, bullshit mostly-one-liners Dik Bitchy spews onto the random pics on his site are lame on a whole new level. I don't even understand how this site has followers.

The best part of this whole thing is that the thread about DB1 blew the fuck up with the HCwDB faithful. The comment ratio was so far on HCwDB's side that my monitor fell over. Twice. I have a stack of photo quality DUI mugshots of Rim Jobbie holding up the side of my monitor now.

The one thing I will say, in all fairness, about that site that MAY be mildly entertaining is running across someone you know pictured on it in your region. Looking through the New Orleans part of the site, I saw a couple of familiar faces in there. Which was mildly amusing conisdering i was only friends with one of them and it was years ago in high school. Then that flash of entertainment was ruined by some no-chance-at-funny, Ritchie-cookie-cutter one-liner. BTW, I have no idea if any of the above hyphens are used correctly, so sorry in advance for that.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that I am perplexed at how TheDirty.com ever even got off the ground. Ob wait, that's right, he stole HCwDBs content and plopped that shitty, fairy-colored logo on it.

Bottom line: A completely seperate, government funded internet should be created for just TheDirty.com and it's "dirty army." And by internet I mean execution arrangement that includes the word "firing squad".

-Wop
 

Yeah, this guy transcends the realm of the Scrotewank and is just an asshole. What a self-serving dicktard. I actually made it onto his site some time ago; a photo of me was snapped at a Scottsdale Douchebag breeding pit. If it had been funny, I would have been thrilled, but it was just stupid, and the caption was completely irrelevant. He FAILS at funny.
 

He is an inverted cock.

That is all.
 

Fuckin burn haha that guy got tooled by db1
 

hooman ...more like pooman! get it? cuz it sounds the same but it says the word "poo" and that's bad!
 

Just looked at "The Dirty" , and did anyone notice how every guy posted is "for the gays" and every girl is either "beat" or needs "+2's" ? Also take notice how he (Nik Richie) offers up these ingenious comments in order to promote his own sort of global douche dominance? (I see he throws parties, dresses and acts like the same people he comments on) Could he in fact be a wolf in sheep's clothing, revealing himself only at the last moment to be some sort of All powerful, lord of everything that is douche? The sheer thought sends chills down my spine....
 

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people burn down once in a while...maybe he will just plain old burn down?
 

and when i say burn down, i mean catch on fire,sizzlesmokesere, burn down
 

I think a lot of you are missing the point. I am a fan of both sites. Both are funny in their own right. HCwDB is clearly a "cleaner" site, where the females are admired and the douches aren't ripped on AS MUCH as on the Dirty. When I first found the Dirty, I too was a little unimpressed with the humor, I didn't really think half of it was funny. But the more I looked at it, the more I understood the "language" of Nik Ritchie and the terminology, and how the comedy is in the fact that even the hottest of chicks are "beat". C'mon, obviously he'd lay pipe to most of those "would you"s, just like the rest of us. What he is mocking is the sheer superficiality of douchiness. Its like a dark humor movie, the more times you watch it, the funnier it gets. After being a longtime fan of HCwDB, I admit the Dirty takes some getting used to, but I have developed a higher appreciation for the Dirty; I find it more colorful and entertaining. It's dirtier, nastier, and has more variety. I want to see the hos and skanks outed just as I do the douchebags!
 

Word.