On his first day as swing-shift janitor at the semiconductor plant, Elmer was so excited about his new surroundings that he failed to notice his colleagues' cries of horror when he stuck his head into the photolithography machine. Before he could finish asking "what's this thing do?", the damage was done.
 

she would get it
 

Her man-hands and strong jaw are a little disturbing, but I'm more than a little turned on by her arms. I'd definitely enjoy spotting her through some flat flies. Great potential for those shoulders and tris.

He's beyond my limited ability to understand the world around me. So-much-douche.
 

This is like those silly IQ tests.

Dear friends, THIS PHOTO IS A MUSICAL JOKE.

What are the musical pitches carved into his skull (assuming it's in treble clef and the key of C)? (Also: They're all 8th notes)

B A A G

No. Shit. Hence, the look on the girl's face, knowing that she's pointing at a douche BAAG...

So, do I win a prize now or somethin'?
 

clearly the answer is both. his recent lobotomy and the "cool" scars it left were obviously the inspiration for his new "hair tattoo".
 

Now that I think about it, we may be looking at the Revenge Of The Barber.

Let's say BAAG here wanders, drunk off his ass, into Todd's Barbershop.

BAAG: "Yo (belch) DOOD!!! I wanna musical notes like shaved inna my head man, cuz its fuggin kewl!!! I just passed the audition to play fuggin drums for this new hot band, man, called "Gunther and the DBs". They fuggin RAWK man...

Mr Todd: Any melody in particular?

BAAG: Nah - I can't read music anyways so like, whatever, dude. I trust yer judgment.

Mr Todd: Sure thing...

And he leaves with BAAG carved into his skull...
 

Beautiful Serena, she of the World's Perfect Jeans, points to Tommy's head, where unknowingly, the barber has carved the entire score of Oklahoma into his skull.....

Not baggy though, I vote post-lobotomy.
 

I say brain surgery victim, absolutely.

You know how some surgeons listen to Mozart and such while they operate? Yeah, well... this guy's surgeon was a douchebag and was enjoying some rhythmic club music while prepping for the procedure. He was overcome by the hypnotic melody and his razor got away from him while shaving the incision.

Poor cancer victim never knew what was coming.
 

she wears a mean pair of jeans. that is a sweet rump!
 

From the side view, he looks like jay leno
 

Trick question, right? The answer is "both"
 

Nope, just douchebag for now.

"Brain Surgery Victim" comes later when the doctors feel a lobotomy would be an improvement. 'Cuz you know Kramer's gonna drop a Junior Mint in there before he's stitched back up.

Well, that would still be an improvement, especially since his head would have to be fully shaved (right?), so I guess "victim" would never be part of the equation.....
 

In blonde hott, we have a candidate for 2009's Ass Pear Douchie.

Just sayin'.....
 

Chupacabra-

I'm diggin' yer blog compañera. Got it Bookmarked and everthang...
 

This is obviously a rhetorical question, right? Come on, the Hardy-esque shirt, the wristdana, the musical score.

Her? She needs a butt-eating.
 

That's right, Girl With Phenomenal Curvature... point. Point with both hands. He got a travesty of a haircut for the specific purpose of drawing attention to himself, and there you are. Fulfilling your role and proving to this asshole that his plan worked.

Hey, while you're at it why don't you write up a new and improved PATRIOT Act that completely abolishes all things good in America. Because you might as well show the terrorists that their plans are working, too.

The answer is: From L to R, douchebag, brain surgery victim.
 

The notes are incomprehensible since the ledger staff is warped to shape the contours of his head. It's merely four eigth notes...g, f, f, e...but we don't know the key signature or what time the music is in. It is as useless as the head that it is carved into.
I call "douche"!
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Seriously, what the fuck has come over a decent sized piece of this population?

You look terrible son. Grow your hair and change your clothes.

Blondie - don't change a thing.
 

Perhaps the douchiest hair I've ever seen. Douchebag.
 

he obviously knows some magical siren song. there's no other way he can get a hold of those curves. i'm betting dollars to donuts the hottie will look at the photo and go "wow my curves looked THAT good?!" before possibly requesting a takedown.

and when you invoke siren references on a guy, it makes him D O U C H E B A G.
 

I think everyone has missed the three most obvious clues to reason why we should call Douche on this bonehead.

1. Ed Hardy Shirt. (check)
2. Wrist Strap. (check)
3. Accompanying Hott (check)

Did I miss something?
 

I lament the shitty sports season that each late January through early March presents.

What with the unwatchable trashsport known as the NBA and it's >> AHEM << amateur minor league: the NCAA, there's nothing to see folks, keep moving.

The NHL has it's all star game today. Is there any major sports' all star game worth getting out of a pool of puke to watch? And this one is the worst as there is no position for "Goon" on these squads.

The only baseball news during this part of the calendar will inevitably include Scott Boras, a man that I would personally choke dead if he ever crossed my path.


................


But then, as I sit at my computer and wait for it to warm up I am presented with, NAY, REWARDED with Professional Bowling's H & R Block Tournament of Champions on ESPN and Federer v Berdych at The Aussie on ESPN 2.



Not even the fact that this hillbilly Douche has inhaled so much monster truck exaust that he thinks he's the shit or the outside chance that this Bleeth is remotely interested in him is enough to distract my mood or diminish the fact that she has a Grade A Ass.
 

Holy fuck she's hot!!! I would lick her mud horn for sure!
 

Douchebag...definite douchebag. The leather cuff, giant ring and hint of a blingy chain says it all.
 

Hey, I'm relatively new to the site - its fucking awesome - i got some picks of some major color co-ordinated bags, where can i post em/attach the link?
 

badVlad wrote:

The notes are incomprehensible since the ledger staff is warped to shape the contours of his head. It's merely four eigth notes...g, f, f, e...but we don't know the key signature or what time the music is in. It is as useless as the head that it is carved into.
I call "douche"!

No: look again. Warpage doesn't matter. I've had to read music scribbled on crumpled napkins. As long as the note heads are positioned relative to the lines, it's all good. A standard staff has 5 lines. The top line is just below his mohawk. The fifth (lowest) line is on his lower temple going to the top of his ear.

Note: the first note has a line going directly into it, making it a note higher than the two notes that follow, and the fourth note has a line pointing directly into its head. Since the first note is on the middle line, that makes it a B, and thusly the next two are A, and the last is a G, Spelling BAAG.

The key signature would only affect the B in the odd case that it would be (weirdly) sharped into a C. Frankly, I would use an accidental or a better key signature than sharp a B, which (unless you're in a key where EVERYTHING is sharped) it is just confusing.

I still say he has BAAG carved into his hair.
 

anon 10.13 - go HERE for submission details.
 

It must have been "Arts and Crafts Day" at the mental health centre. Way to express your individuality, Mr. Bag.
 

By god, Troy, you're right... that's hilarious... Unless it's a photoshopped pic... What the fuck are the odds?!?
 

@ Troy

I'm sitting here strumming B-A-A-G on the flat top and no recognizable pop song nor noticable chord structure is coming to mind. I'm trying minors, 7ths and even Maj7 ths in an attempt to see if there is a plan to his head carvings ( I wish they had not stopped at his hair and actually carved his skull)

Of course I am hung over as fuck, hence my previous post lamenting no plethora of Sunday baseball games on the tube , but perhaps if these are indeed the bass clef then are they are a scale ? What are the chords?


As usual a blithering idiot has desecrated hinmelf in a moronic, nonesensical way. I bet he has "Estonia" tattooed on his back and his family is actually from Latvia ... Aaa-hahahahahahaa
 

Jim Beam brings us the Anti-Bleeth

HERE
 

@ Wheezer 9:11AM

Same pic, different handle...are you the artist formerly known as Don't Wheeze the Douche? If you are, I'm sending you pats between the ears and a belly rub.


@ Troy Tempest 9:14AM
I'm honored! And the admiration is mutual. Your story yesterday about your friend and the visiting Mormons was unforgettably great. I shall be scouring the interwebs for a poster like the one you described ("Jesus is coming...on my rug.").
 

I vote douchebag. Brain surgery would have left cooler scars.

And really, douchebag, couldn't you have orange'd up your neck? There might be somebody in the room who isn't quite convinced your a 'bag yet....
 

Patrick Allen FTW with a 267 over Rhino Page 263 in Professional Bowling's H & R Block Tournament of Champions


Wow, what drama ...
 

I think it might be one of those magic eye posters. When you first look at it all that you see is douche. But when you screw up your eyes, stare really hard, you might see the nice, sensitive person underneath.

Nope. I could never do those magic eyes. All I see is douche.
 

most hair-shave patterns are fucking stupid, but i kinda like this one. dont hate me :(
 

Hey vin-

It's not so much a melody as it is a coded message, telling us he's a BAAG!!! as in doucheBAAG, giving us a clue to not only what kind of a poo pimple he is, but also how to say it.

He's not just a douchebag, he's a doucheBAAG.

Now you could turn it into a tune, or a cue for musical mayhem, based around BAAG. Lemme fire up the Motif XS6 here...

So, I fired up one of the ultra-cheezy preset "bands" in the Motif (performance 2-G-7 "Country Gee-tars") and found the following sequence was pretty good:

4 beats of B maj
8 beats of A min
4 beats of G min

In effect spelling out B A A G.

The G min resolves into the B maj in a fairly craptastic way, but it oddly worked. The A min into G min was definitely working. The problem is which key are we working in? Because if you force a B into C, you get a B dim, which sounds like Poo when resolved into from a G min OR a G maj.

Eh - I leave it to others to work out. Mine is not to reason why, mine is just to mock the douche or take a vacation.
 

nah brah, he's a musician.
 

@ Vin 11:01AM

Thanks to you, I have discovered that when it comes to competitive bowling, "The Big Lebowski" was not, as I formerly believed, a spoof, but more like cinema verite.

Thanks to you, I felt compelled to see what kind of man could carry a name like "Rhino" without sagging under the weight of phallic expectations. So I found my way to YouTube, where I was able to get through 1 minute and 45 seconds worth of a nearly 11 minute clip showing Rhino facing off against Wes Malott.

Thanks to you, I saw a man (Wes) KISS HIS BOWLING BALL ON NATIONAL FUCKING TELEVISION. Then I could take no more.

What has been seen cannot be unseen. An ineradicable horror has been etched on my brain. I will be sending you the bills for my electroshock therapy.
 

Chupacabra wrote:

@ Troy Tempest 9:14AM
I'm honored!

I'm tickled you feel that way.

And the admiration is mutual.

Many thanks!

Your story yesterday about your friend and the visiting Mormons was unforgettably great. I shall be scouring the interwebs for a poster like the one you described ("Jesus is coming...on my rug.").

Well, IIRC, it was one of those "Hand made" type of things George's boyfriend would make. He was quite the illustrator. I know where he got his inspiration though - it was about a year earlier when we all went to go see Esmirelda perform at DC Space.

She would sit on a toilet and perform her "music", which was one part folky weirdness another part performance art, and another sit down comedy...

And one of her tunes, she'd sing out, like that old tune "Eli's coming", she'd sing out:

Jesus is coming....
Jesus Is Coming....
JESUS IS COMING....

Yes, Jesus is coming
all over my carpet!!!

At which point we were all laughing too hard to remember the rest.

George's BF then went and drew up a poster of Jesus wanking in a living room - his eyes clamped like slits, his knees trembling - and a riot of spooge flying all over the carpet.

It was always good for a laugh and it certainly separated the knaves from the elect.

I would think our own JCvD could probably improvise such an illustration...

:-)
 

Member of the U.S. Special olympics Team
 

@Vin Douchal 10:47

Now that girl should be cloned. A lot.

@Troy Tempest

I'd have him in a bit of a menage a trois with a voluptuous pair of Dugongs though.

And this fucktard in today's pic, wow, just wow, shame the barber didn't slip and carve a whole note in his jugular.

Speaking of juggs, even though blondie's aren't showing I would still swim to Cuba wearing only floaties and a dental floss banana hammock just for the chance to wash ashore on the beach that her aunt cut her foot on a grenade fragment ten years ago.

'cause I'm a renegade like that
 

Man, if he is a brain surgery victim she sure is being harsh.
 

AP. - During presentation of her groundbreaking paper entitled "Scrotal/GoatChoad Implant Interventions on Redondo 'Bags" to The New England Journal Of Medicine, Dr. Kira pointed to the inevitable post-surgical scarring patterns her pioneering technique can cause.
 

sheet music for musical snow shovel scanners
 

@ Chupacabra 11:34

What's the difference between the wildy successful Wes Marrote kissing his bowling ball or A-Rod adjusting his athletic supporter?

Nothing, these are things that are done in the heat of battle. As a tri-sport athlete in school I know of the bond between contestant and his equipment.

Gear goes unnoticed until it lets you down, kind of like the progression of Springsteen albums over the years. Early stuff awesome, mid-career annoying, lately horrible, but his Obama and Wrestler work coming back nicely and mostly unnoticed


Advice: Dudes spit, adjust, kiss , touch places, eat weird shit and have strange love relationships with their gear . Don't ever go to a pro-rodeo meet if you can't take this sort of thing.



On that note: there's nothing wrong with you that a nice foot massage couldn't cure.
 

@ Vin 10:00

nah brah, that's "quality ass" the Donk has probably already tapped it
 

Neither.

His head was pecked by eagles when he climbed into their aerie somewhere in northern Illinois near the Mississippi. He was rescued by a band of traveling Mohicans who were collecting eagle-feathers, and taken into their hogan-RV for tribal cleansing and initiation rites, and when he emerged, he was in full Mohawk with the scars from the eagle-pecking still visible. He was given an Ed Hardy shirt with massive eagle wings as a special outfit to wear, indicating his new fellowship among the eagles and Mohawks.

She is a totem er, token, hott from Algonquin, Illinois who just happened to be passing by.

True story.
 

At least it appears he hooked up with a hot nurse while he was at Cedars-Sinai.

Either that, or somewhere there is some Douchebag "Rosetta Stone" that helps you read the hieroglyphic message on his head--because I have no idea WTF it is supposed to be.
 

@Chupacabra, 10:53 a.m. -

Yep, it's still me. Just look for the OCD thing for 5's I have going (as in my 9:12 a.m. post).....

; )

Just wanted a name change to the more well-known version of me (I'm a lifelong asthmatic).
 

I'm a life-long fan of the meatsword, but I gotta go with wheezer 09:12. I'd slap on 2 band aids and a fry cook's hat and navigate thru the open desert to that Ass Pear, only rest my noggin on what are sure to be some decently sized sweater bunnies.
 

Little bunny Hot Ass
Mugging in the car park
Pointing at a douche bag
With music on its head.

Down came Captain Bringdown and he said,

"Little bunny Hot Ass
what the fuck ya doing
Pointing at a douche bag
With music on its head.

Sorry cupcake, I ain't doing the three chances thing, 'cause I've got a zero tolerance policy on encouraging sucky band tools, and besides, I don't think you could behave if scroteboys life depended on it.

And I wouldn't have it any other way."
 

I would pee in her butt.
 

I'm Going to guess that the poor hot has suffered some sort of head trauma, and her CNS is sending some weird messages for her to drape herself all over this pile 'o bag. Someone please dial 911 to relieve the pressure from her brain!!

-Vander
 

You have to HAVE a brain before you can have surgery on it.

Definite fag.

Gee LeDouche
 

the musical notations is "B A A G"

Irony is best served hott.

Regarding the question: surgery or douche? Yes to both.
 

this guy should be shot in the knee
 

Even if that buttmunch had Debussy's lost symphony shaved into his faux-hawk, he'd still be a douchebag.
 

Yup, Milford was going to live it up good, once word of his promotion from Washroom Napkin Dispenser to Sanitation Biscuit Application Specialist rang the bells of reality in his ears.
 

@ mike

did you really just say buttmunch? still stuck in the early 90's MTV era?
 

Hey! Fuck you BostonDouchebag!!

Yeah, fuck you and all your lame jokes, and your small dick, and your MTV fellating family... yeah!

...and, stuff...
 

^^ well done sir
 

Survey says: DOUCHEBAG!
 

The funny thing is the notes on the side of his head spells baag. coincidence?
 

Looks like a D Flat
 

Why are they mutually exclusive?
It's obvious that he's a Brain Surgery Victim AND a Douchebag!

And I am a victim too. Of her sweet can.
 

He shaved his head and glued her pubes to it. How do I know? C'mon, she isn't a real blonde in the Bizarro universe!
 

Both.
 

BAG!

And her, I'd like to bag.
 

I would gladly swig mexican bumhole water while wtaching the best of Ryan Seacrest (clockwork orange style) as Maroon 5's entire catlouge ear raped my ears to nibble at the outseam of the fine tanned peach. What was the question again?
Oh Douchebrain victim.
 

i'll vote douchebag who needs to be given brain surgery, by me. with a fork. and toenail clippers
 

Crop-Circle Bag-borg. The Borg dropped him off to finish their mission of colonization, and his head contains their map axis.Or, la Hott talked him in to taking up a new game and she thought he meant he's the board. Not "Borg".