I hear he crushes cougars
 

nottadouche
 

He looks like the Grand POO-bah of DOUCHE-bah.


He looks like a bloated pinto bean.




He has saggier jowels than a St. Bernard.



I can't see his third chin underneath his second chin.







And what the fuck is Christina Applegate doing there?!?!


Happy New Year Creatch I'm outta here for a while.
 

Ah... I remember my Kelly LeBrock fantasies when I was in high school. "You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock & roll. Chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candle wax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals."

Indeed, Ms. LeBrock. Heat up the wax. We're comin' over.
 

I'm totally digging the painting in the top right hand corner. Sorry, I have a really short attention span............


Anyway, these girls do not look amused at all. They're pulling the ole "smile awkwardly until the creepy guy goes away" maneuver. I love that move. It's extremely helpful to use in a club when choads bump up against you in a drunken stupor, only to spurt out the words "You're so hot" in a slurred fashion. I just stare at them, smile awkwardly, then walk away so fast that I leave lighning bolts in my wake.

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

Steven Segal looks more and more like Tortelvis every time we see him.





Running gag alert: notice "Tiny Bass"
 

Hand those truffles over here. I'm Steven Seagal, bitch!
 

now i finally know the answer to the "whatever happened to kelly lebrock, anyway?" question that's been plaguing me all these years.

it's obvious from this picture he ate her.
 

@ douchetoevsky

I hope you mean he completely devoured her for lunch, 'cause the thought of SS giving Kelly LeBrock oral is seriously damaging to my fragile psyche.
 

They all look like hookers, the topic of my most recent post, "The case for hookers; market equity" on your daily dose from the Anonymous Public.

We're out lurking out there in the shadows...
 

Seagal would like to toss Kelly's salad with either syrup or jelly.
 

I think you guys are all missing something while you wax on poetic about Kelly LeBrock. Who, by the way, gained about 180 pounds.

Has no one noticed the cans on that girl in the white shirt second from the right??!!! My god I would jello wrestle Segal to get a chance at those things!!
 

@IHP-

my bad.

i should have pointed put that he is wearing the traditional kaftan associated with ritualistic cannibalism, stained red with her blood.
he killed her and consumed her so that he may have her secret hott powers.

after all he's about a C cup now himself, right?
 

@ Dr. Kenneth-
We're talking 1980s Kelly. Give us our fantasies, dammit.
 

Thanks for posting this, DB1. I didn't realize that in his hiatus from the silver screen that Steven Segal had started a Russian prostitution ring.

I also want to know more about the painting behind them. It kind of looks like Ernie Kovacs.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Paintingdouche McMoustachescrote easily makes up for the alleged lack of douchiness in the real life choadz0ar.
 

@ Dr. Noisewater 11.20a

I didn't think I'd be sick this morning. Not even after seeing the Big Saggy Fella did my stomach churn.

But jello wrestling with him? BLAAAAAAACCHH!!!

those are some nice cans tho...
 

I'm really starting to get annoyed with the lack of cross-pollination occurring here.

you WILL read Publius Anonymous!
 

How 'bout the cans on that chick in the middle with her hair pulled back.
 

Those jowls can be used as floatation devices.
 

@ Vin Douchal

thanks for the Torte Elvis ref.... made me dig out my Dread Zeppelin CD

classic stuff

& Happy New Year to all baghunters... yes even you Plinky!
 

I liked his Christmas Card better.

Happy New Year, HCwDB suckas.
 

@ Dr. Kenneth 11:20

Damn skippy, I didn't even realize this was a pic of Steven Segal. My eyes bolted right to thise blouse rockets on the left there. Man the torpedoes!!! Butter face, butter no matter, I'd be buried up to my neck between those things! Sweet Jeebus, what a way to wrap up 2008! Not to mention the diabolical Kung-douche in the center, way to go DB1!!!

I must admit, at another glance, that I'm liking the catty duo on the right, the semi-corseted one has a mini-Tura Satana thing going on, IMO, and her cranky friend looks like she's about to slap someone. I wonder if they wanna come to a party tonight, my main squeeze has backed out and I gotta go stagette...

Anyway, I'm off like a prom dress. Cheers to all you bag boys and girls. Be safe tonight, have fun, and here's to 2009! I raise my Pepsi to you, and flex, Bra!! style!
 

Holy cow, he has not aged well.
 

He has more Chins than a Chinese phonebook.
 

Nice torpedoes.

Her eyes are spread out wider than Madonna's knees.
 

Her eyes are farther apart than the walls of the Grand Canyon.
 

Her eyes are farther apart than Israel and Hamas.
 

No matter how you move throughout the room, the eyes in the painting always seem to be looking at those HUGE tits.
 

It it looks looks like like he he ate ate here here often often.
 

LMFAO @ Frodouche, 12:30 p.m.!
 

DB1,

I dare say, are you implying that Steven Seagal is a douchebag? Now, you did look at bcs' (whoa, it's worksafe!) link, didn't you? That's Seagal's favorite movie move and all.....
 

Steven Segal makes Under Siege 3, now with even more battleship scenes. Warheads are provided by blondie on his right.
 

Did somebody say...

B o o b i e s ? ? ?

The ones on the chick in white are nice, too!

Is it me or does the bitchy one on the right kinda' look like the girl who was on "That 70s Show"?

And Kelly LeBrock. God, she was the shit, wasn't she? "Weird Science" was a big part of my growing up... And she had some true words of wisdom in that movie:

If you want be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.

Beautiful.

And, I happened across some words from ol' Saggy Steve, too:

“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.”

I think the sex symbol thing is way behind you, brah.

Yo.
 

Ok, I was holding off on the Weird Science flashbacks but....

The first scene where KLB is in the shot, her standing/leaning in that doorway, smoke all around her, wearing that white outfit, hand on her hip... wow. How is it that I can remember that vividly but not my wife's birthday?

Also nice that SS kept the Eddie Munster hairdo.

Gang, thanks for the laughs in 2008. Here is to more in )(!
 

Other celebdouche in the news (sort of):

Criss Angel wedding ring shopping? OK, it's just from E! Online, which isn't really a news source anyway, but.....


Dane Cook may be being cheated out of his money by his half-brother. But both have at least one-half that is douchebag, sooooo.....


Pepsico dropkicks Beckham and his fauxhawk, but at least he avoided the hair burning Wacko Jacko suffered.
 

For a guy who sports his own line of energy drink he looks remarkably lethargic.
 

I'm reminded of another TV-type line:

"Here ya go, Tim":

Kelly LeBrock in the hallway

I think it's time for gym class. And then time for me to toss off.
 

@Frodouche Baggins

Yea I was behind the painting, can you blame me? Look at those things! almost as good as Tank Girl's pleasure rockets.
 

God I love Steven Seagal, aside from being the only man alive who can wear his pajamas and bedsheets at all times, I have spent many a Sunday afternoon watching reruns of:

Marked for Douche
Under Scrote
Out for Doucheness
Above the Bleeth
and
Hard to 'Bag

...but only because I was to damn stoned to get up and change the channel.
 

Oh and Happy New Year's to all you baghunters and huntresses! May all you lovely people have great fortune this year.

And by lovely, I mean of course, some of you bastards really need to have your mouths washed out with castor oil, you dirty, filthy, foulmouthed homo-sapiens. May Xenu bless you fuckers...
 

@JCvD
Cannot say that I blame you one bit.


I'm surprised that you moved from behind the painting in the ladies room.
 

Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle, can someone PLEASE find more pix of the white-bloused hottttt second from left? Gozanga!
 

I think Segal may be dead. No really. Weekend At Stevie's, III.
 

i'm liking the black-dress chastity belt-wearing lady second to right.

and for a minute there i was almost going to forgive the painting because it's an inanimate object.

or can i? i mean - red cups and Axe sprays are inanimate objects too but can they EVER be forgiven?

good question. i'll have to think on that. but in the meantime, Steven Segal sure is getting... saggy.
 

Did Steven Seagal die while posing for this photo? He looks really bad, even worse than he did while making all those lame movies.
 

These hotts are just impressed that Samurai Scrote calls him "sensei."

Still, anyone who remembers when Leslie Nielsen wasn't funny, and still pulls tail--well, I salute you, sir!
 

Gravity has been extremely unkind to the hott in white shirt next to sir sag-a-lot. Someone please tell her "Lift and Separate" - funbags should be on your chest, not your naval ma'am..
 

he looks ready to eat the lot of 'em!

is that red thing his napkin?

..."for dessert I'll go eat the kindergarten"
 

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New year, New style, New me!
 

Both ladies in white are top notch. Well played Mr. Segal. Perhaps if I too learned to run like a gay man and put shoe polish in my hair I could pull quality like that. Ah, dare to dream ...

kingcityDouche
 

The chick to fat boy's right has supreme creamers.
 

This is Segal's blonde wife in red, and three daughters.

It's a nice family photo.
 

What's with all the SS haters. Name one thing in this pic that meets the douchebag checklist. Enough already about his previous bodies of work of which there probably isn't a body in this pic that he has or will work over except his own (with hand lotion and box of tissues). NO TATS, NO HAND GESTURES, NOTHING = NOT A DB.