He offered to "whiten her teeth." Does he mean that literally, or is that a figure of speech. Because, yeah, I'll whiten her teeth, if she wants me to.
 

i would love to know what that hand gesture means when it's upside down like that.

Super cool, Teeth Whitener. Super cool.

-Wop
 

This guy's portfolio of available services is exactly why I'm NOT getting laid, because all I have is moderately witty comments. FUCK!

Army of Douche-ness
 

Aww what a cutie! I am so sosososo very sorry for that experience. Good job on the tag though, you get extra points for actually listening to him talk to you.

That pick-up is almost as bad as the guy who tried to hit on me by getting me to help him with a math equation...So odd. So creepy.

Is that an inverse shocker he's trying to pull off? YER DOIN IT WRONG. Fuckin douchebag. If only the light behind him was actually his hair catching fire.
 

Both his hands infuriate. With his left he embraces retardation 'signs' and with his right, he is nonchalantly brushing against destiny. Either one deserves a reward and by reward I mean relentlessly slapped with a 3 day dead fish.
 

the bleeth in this photo needs some major dental work before she even thinks about getting those chompers whitened.
 

p.s. p.s. I dressed up like Samurai Scrote for my birthday because I have the same suit and oversized nose to pull it off on Saturday in Cleveland, asked one Eastern Euorpean hott to take a picture with me, made the mistake of mentioning i'd be sending the pics to DB1 for a laugh and got turned down. As I'm quite shy I decided to get drunk and not talk to anymore women for fear of further rejection.

Army of DOuche-ness
 

I'll spackle her drywall...
 

I'll caulk her vanity...
 

I'll stain her backdoor...
 

I'll....that's enough.
 

What sort of gesture is he trying to pull off? It reminds me of when we were kids and would make an elephant out of our hands (thumb, first finger were his legs, middle finger was the trunk, pinky and ring fingers the other two legs).

She's smiling without her eyes, so she knows what a tool he is, too.
 

I love the effort but i am betting if he offered to lift her boobage she would of jumped at the offer!
 

scrote looks like he has a wounded paw

I'm with you DB1, I frequently offer to fill hotts cracks with white goop!
 

Here he's telling the story about how he used to be the little boy that stuck his finger in a dyke.

Plinky's Mom still peed on him anyway.

She's got that "Snap the fucken picture NOW Katie, his hand's sliding up my tit..." look on her face bigtime.
 

...yeah, doesn't work for me either.

noe if he had offered major dental reconstruction, & then teefs whitening, he mighta got more play
 

um, noe=now

doh!
 

What is that on his chin? I'd say it's either a ball-washer or something designed to exfoliate the nether regions of farm animals.
 

Hey hey hey now, I see much bashing on the huntress here. What the fuck guys? Do you not want females to visit this site? I can't imagine that ya'll are Calvin Kline models yourselves. I see nothing bleethy here; she's got on a cute black dress and she isn't falling out of it, she doesn't have some dumbass XXXXXXLLLLL Louis V. bag, there are no big ass hoop earrings, there is no freakish over the top makeup, there is no fake boobage, there is not even a fucking drink in the pic.

You guys are disappointing me today.
 

I'll bet Mo's poop is tiny and colorful as jelly-beans.


MO I can't offer to whiten your teeth, but I can offer to fit your new friend with cement shoes.

Then maybe afterwards I can "butter your muffin?"


And btw, any dude who offers to 'whiten your teeth' means he probably has to boil all the skin off your bones so he has better access for extracting your teeth and keeping them as souveniers.

Carry a taser with you from now on.
 

@ Army of Douche-ness

What the fuck, where was the phone call for this night-on-the-town-dressed-as-Samurai-Scrote?!?









































Yeah I don't blame you. I wouldn't call me either. I prolly would have gotten us arrested.
 

Oh, Jeffie. It's adorable how you still pine for me and clamor for my attention.
 

@ Medusa


Ummm, yes please... I would like my rectal examination now.

What's the safety word again??
 

"Banana". Unless it's tropical night in the playpen, then we gotta use "bowling".
 

Being a north texas resident myself, he's not in the top 50 percentile of the
30K-a-year millionaire bags here in Big D. Perhaps his myspace page is chock-a-block with more douchetastic adventures.

While the pink polo at an industrial club is a fashion abomination, I will give him creativity points for the resume of dancer/masseuse/teeth brushing.
 

I stand corrected -- it's an un-tucked pink buttondown. Makes all the difference in the world.

Mo did he not offer to get you into the Kennedy Assassination museum for FREE as well. He looks like he takes tickets and points out the grassy knoll...

But I bet the AXE stink on him is worse than the cowboys fetidness yesterday.
 

Perhaps nobody noticed but hanging out out a goth/industrial dance club is equal to or perhaps even more douchey than this stage 2 could ever be.
 

Is "MO" an M.O. for being a Medusa wannabe?



Dudes,

When a gal writes in and says she's been a fan for a year that means she's probably enjoyed one or more of our comments. They don't just read Db1's post, they click in to see the action. Let's show some respect here.


And by respect I mean whomever has that video of Plinky's mom doing the bachelor party BJ train should send it to her to thank her.
 

This is so wild. Just the other day I told my friend that I wondered what a hot Caroline Rhea would look like, and my friend said he'd always wondered the same about a preppie version of Maynard G. Krebs. This photo is a virtual Rosetta Stone of irrelevant visual metaphors.
 

@ Vin 5:10

Even better. Medusa Heckler.

Pretty awesome that I inspire such rage in a total stranger. And ironic that someone who hates me so much would pretend to be me...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know! Well, maybe you are right, Vin, it IS a wannabe! Looks like SOMEBODY'S mad about not getting a Douchie award for comments!

I'm often imitated, but never to any degree of success or cleverness. But you keep on trying, there. Maybe someday you'll have an original thought and you can make people laugh WITH you instead of AT you.

But wait! There's more! Didja see the fake blog? Holy moly, I win the crazy stalker war! Sorry, Plinky, your wacko just isn't putting in the time that mine is. That one cuckoo that Pfah had for a while was pretty cool, too, he/she/it was trying pretty hard. I wonder where he's at.

I mean Pfah, not the stalker.

Anyway, pretend MO raises an interesting point, DB1....after all the pics I've sent, you only ever used one! Yet this charlatan gets one on the page immediately.

Wait...DB1 is Medoucha Oblongada? Oh, hell, worlds collide. Samurai Scrote is at the bottom of all of this, I just know it. I need another cup of coffee.
 

Wow um, just wow Medusa. I didn't know you had such a fucking crazy following. But you know, I've noticed more and more haters poping up on this site. Particularly bashing the females here. Possibly bleeths wanting revenge? Boys that can't handle talking to girls without getting all sweaty and passing out from the panic? Who knows, alls I know is that they're douchebags. But, at any rate, your stalker's blog is fucking hilarious in it's attempt.
 

@ Medusa and Assfish

I'm not so concerned about the anonymous haters/stalkers (doc) as I am with the prolific and detrimental "plinky's mom" jokes.

I went to see mum for Christmas and the bitch's ears were ablaze the atttire day. Poor feeble woman has been to every ear, nose and throat specialist to find out why her ears are always burning.


Dark Sock's mom is so fat she has her own subway system.
 

i used to think that i needed to be a douchebag in a dance club. now if i ever go to dance clubs (if a friend wants me to go or something) i just go in and lounge at a random sofa and talk to my friends. i would not impress MO (not Medusa) any more than Teeth Whitener shiteater bag. but that suits me just fucking fine.

now i feel like a grumpy curmudgeon.

so! i propose that we now derail this thread to the subject of "why there aren't more naughty pictures of Medusa & Ashfish lesbian action on the web."
 

@ash

I thought we agreed to keep the math equation thing between us, damn it! Just because my mad math skills didn't work on you doesn't mean you have to shame me in a public forum. And besides, when I asked Medusa to calculate some degenerate roots, she melted like butter.

Unrelated to anything, why don't I merit a stalker? I'm feeling neglected. I mean, sure, limerick master Ed had a long-term stalker, and now he's disappeared from the site for quite some time...

...um, never mind.
 

@ Mr. White 7:24 PM

yeah i missed Ed. didn't know he became a limerick master and had a stalker though.
 

@ Mr. White

You want a stalker, huh?? I'm outside your bungalow as we speak watching you watch The Hills you degenerate biz'natch.
 

Riddle me this Mr. Math-whiz:

What's the square root of me hacking off your feet with an aluminum fungo?
 

I took care of Ed, I'll take care of you Mr. White_sssssssssnake.
 

Plinky came back.... can't we throw in Ed to sweeten the deal?
 

@Steve L.

Excellent suggestion. I will now derail the thread on a second front.

Because I hate myself, I watched several minutes of the season premier of Bromance. Since it was mentioned during the douchies as a possible contender for douchiest tv series, I felt compelled to gather some evidence. And I'd already seen the Law & Order that was on across from it, so I flipped back and forth.

The show is just...stunning. Let me say up front: I have no problem with the lesbian and gay community. I have no problem with homosexuality. That said, Bromance is easily the gayest thing I've ever seen. The human shits-tains who are the "contestants" on this thing were "kidnapped" by some thugs and brought to Scrotey Brody's place, so the opening scene is basically a whole bunch of dudes in their underwear, blindfolded, and ON THEIR KNEES in front of Scrotey and his douchey accomplishes. (One of whom is a white guy who goes by "Sleazy T." Um...no. Please let the remaining members of NWA go Compton on this guy's ass.)

Halfway through the show (I was flipping), the douchetestants are supposed to find hot chicks to go to a party thrown by Brody. Now, keep in mind that you can go to MTV's website to get advice on how to "handle the ladies" from Scrotey. So apparently this guy has such mad game that he has to get reality show douchetestants to pick up chicks for him. To go to a party that was already filled with strippers and go-go dancers. Class-ay.

And for the elimination, he jams together all the douchetestants, once again in their underwear/swim trunks, into a jacuzzi so he can't point out their successes and failures.

It was just so...gay.

Altogether, I saw maybe 5 minutes in total of the show, but it made me want to rip off my own scrotum and force feed it to the laundry gimp while I bled out. Lord Xenu, the time of purification is at hand. Please cleanse the earth with fire. If The Hills wasn't enough to condemn us, surely this show is.
 

Mr. White, rip off your own scrotum??? Heee hEEE HEEee.
Then I can rip off your ears and make tiny sammich's with your ears and scrotums.

hehee heeehe get it?!
 

@ Mr. Creature


plinky well get his too just likes Ed. heeeHeee hee hee Heee HEEeee.
 

@my stalker

Do with me what you will, but for God's sake leave Whitesnake and the eminently talented Tawny Kitaen out of it.
 

no Mr. Stalker, we want Ed back, even though like Plinky, his value mainly lies in the comments thread!
 

"excuse me, but would the lady like a dental dam?"
 

Pink shirt just sounds like a dancing monkey.

Christ, why not just be yourself, spend a few $$$ on some conversation skills and let the chips fall where they may?

-If it doesn't work out, it's probably not meant to.

Keep rolling the dice & you'll find a good one who'll like you without all the cheesy supplication attempts.
 

this should probably be directed at Scroteboy Slim, DJ Bello or aNDY instead of MO's douche but,

To Mister Fucking Pink Shirt Upside Down Hand Gesture:

Figilio di puttana, sai che tu sei un pezzo di merda?
Hm? You think you're cool right? Hm? Hm?
When you kicked out people out of your house
I tell you this, one of three Americans die of cancer,
you know? Asshole. You're gonna be one of those.
I didn't too courage to kick your ass, directly.
Don't have enough courage for that, I could you know.
You know you're gonna have another accident?
You know I'm involved with black magic?
Fuck you. Die. Bastard.
You think you're so cool, Hm? Asshole.
And if I ever see your fucking face around,
in Europe or italy,
Well I'll... That time I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fuck you, fucking Americans, yankee.
You're gonna die outta cancer, i promise.
Deep pain.
No one does what you did to me.
You want to know something? Fuck you.
I want your balls smashed, eat shit. Bastard.
Pezzo di merda, figilio di puttana.
I hope somebody in your family dies soon.
Crepa, pezzo di merda, e vai a sucare cazzi su un aereo!
 

This is MO-I'm not the girl in the pic. I have no idea who that is but I had about 20 douchey pics of this guy I submitted and this is the one DB1 chose. Just wanted to let you guys know that so I guess if you want to bash this girl you can..hahah
 

Yanno, sometimes I wonder why I bother posting on here, late at night, when no one's reading. I'm like a sad little marmoset, bitterly masturbating to the sounds of elephant farts in some dark zoo enclosure somewhere.

But it makes me happy. So, yanno, I have that.
 

Okay MO again..those are my initials but that's besides the point. I think Medusa Oblongata is a little full of herself to think that someone would pretend to be her. But anyway..this shit is a true story and there are plenty more douchetastic pics where this came from. Oh and if you didn't see my Anonymous post, I'm not the girl in the pic. Unfortunately I didn't get any pics with this guy. I actually considered his teeth whitening offer for a minute because I have invisalign braces and am getting them whitened soon but I thought he'd might infect me with the aids if let him hahahhah.
 

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MY PEN IS
H U G E !!
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i've been reading this site for almost two years. i was a regular commentor before last winter. But this is it. i'm sick of this.

can you fools stop these ridiculous tirades that have nothing to do with DB1's posts?

can you stop pretending to have some cool stalker on an anonymous website?

can you get back to mocking douches on this site? that's what i always came to read.

what a bunch of pretentious asswipes we have developed over the past few months. am i right here people? bvg? mitch meats? darksock? ...
 

anon 11:29pm is right.



eat it posers!
 

and finally he offered to whiten my teeth

I do that too sometimes. I also offer face masks, hair gel, eye drops, and nose plugs. All courtesy of my company - Nuts Inc.
 

I hate to say it, but whoever that Anonymous person is, I've had many the same complaint, usually silently endured, that the posters here are far more into shared wit and interpersonal wordplay than they are into posting commentary on the photos. I suppose it's inevitable that a "camaraderie" would develop, but it is rudely exclusionary to most of the other posters that a closed clique of commentary does exist between a circle of "buddies." Just a natural sociological phenomenon, but it can be detrimental to the overall site. I'm surprised DB1 lets it go on as it does sometimes and doesn't banish more of the commentary by removing it. Being the said screenwriter he claims to be, DB1 must enjoy getting the wit that he does. Who knows? Like Truman Capote, DB1 may someday write about all his posters in some sort of short story, and they might not like it. However, I suspect they will anyway. All narcissists, drinkers and provocateurs...

Anyway, I'm convinced they're all bored with Crucial Head gone for a while. He is the Center.

Him and Samurai Scrote.
 

Am I the only one to think that this hand gesture means "my penis is flaccid"? I'm not entirely decided on why one would want to signify this when they have a hot sat on their lap..
 

OK I'll admit it. I've offered foot rubs before but teeth whitening... sounds kind of perverted.
 

I offer ShamWows and OxyClean
 

Damn people, wtf? I'm on semi-vaca this week. Don't make me come in here and clean up petty poo.

Remember the words of the great Porkins in Star Wars, when he said, "Stay on target, stay on target..."

Then he shot his torpedo sperm but missed the Death Star womb, just impacting on the surface.

But seriously, lets remember that only when united we stand, can we mock the choadies and lust the boobies appropritely.

-- management
 

This photo reminds me of the scene in Conan where the warriors are asked what is best in life and Conan explains "To see your enemies crushed and driven before you and hear the lamentations of the women"

I will crush this douchebag and have my way with his woman.
 

@ Anon 11:29

No worries, chief. OT interbaghunter rambling is cyclic and it too shall pass.
 

Is that Andy Pettite? I think it is.
 

in this photo, her teeth appear to be the same shade of yellow as her hair. maybe this douchey dentist is onto something. just keepin' it real, yo...