That's a nice motley crew of semi-hotts and regular douchebags. Holiday douchebags. Mazel tov!
 

Wow. I can't believe any man would willingly be in the same picture while wearing teeny a teeny red Speedo with Black Santa. White Douche Santa is trying hard to puff up his man boobs and suck in his gut, but it's not working. I'm going to guess Black Santa was the most popular guy at this party.

L'Chaim, Black Santa!

Jewish douche is all sorts of wrong. A yellow Star of David on his junk?? He should take a little time out from hosing himself down with Axe and learn a little history.

What kind of dump are they in? It looks like someone's rec room.
 

His wig? Is it pointy or something?

I don't get it DB1.
 

Ha, look at his little schmeckel! What a putz!
 

Fuck you DB1, I mean that lovingly, in a fan type of way, but not "swim fan" level of love.

You totally ruined my winter solstice and by ruined I don't mean Mayan Ruins ala Dzibilchaltun, Yucatan.

Again, thanks for sucking what life was left out of my morning you sick, demented blog master.

with love and holiday merriment

Douche Johnson
 

I don't think we have "hotts" as Chris indicates. I believe we have quaddouche and one hot. 2nd from left may or may not be a douchevestite. Yes, you of the Puma-branded santa cap.
 

This is definately someone else's idea of too much fun.

Please give me a towel, Mr. Tangerine Speedo You're all over town ...
 

I understand the blue speedos with the tiny menorah stuffed in them, modestly covered by the Star of David.

L'Chaim to you DoucheMensche.

What I'm still trying to wrap my head around is this: why doesn't Black Santa celebrate Kwanza?

And where is the Festivus Pole?
 

Santa needs to bring the Semi-Hott on the right a new rack. The one she has now is looking a little droopy and deflated.
 

and this is why i don't come here on the weekends...
 

DarkSock has that same speedo at home.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Holy cow, as if I didn't hate Christmas enough to begin with. This is the sort of thing that makes me despise this wretched occasion, the sheer glut of stupidity, crass commercialism and rampant douchebaggery in the name of "Cheer". Where in the Sam Hill does anyone get the idea that proudly parading around one's mediocre body in swim gear is a good idea? Add to that, doing the same in the dead of winter? Add to that, doing it in the name of Christmas? And, worse yet, allowing this to be photogtaphed for posterity?

I personally am in a blind rage and I want to claw out all their eyeballs with a sprig of holly. And then I will shove bouquets of mistletoe up their poopchutes and slowly wait for the toxic effects to take over. When they have puked and shit themselves half to death, I will slap them all across the faces, Stooges-style, with a flaming Poinsettia plant. And then, I will take Hebrewdouche in the middle and re-enact his bris. But this time I will be re-attatching a foreskin, using the wattle flesh I cut off of Yellowtail.
 

Ah fer the love of...

Thanks DB1. After finally massaging the hangover into something workable with a greasy breakfast, mimosa, and football, I had to go and check HCwDB.

Not that I don't love holiday parties where everyone ends up on their skivvies. Admittedly, I prefer them (in fact, this picture has a very Santacon flavor. Note to self tho. Do NOT attend such a holiday party with Medusa). But dammit, couldn't you at least have waited to show this pic 'til the afternoon when my vision would have been too blurry to make out any of the shapes anyway? Now I'm looking at that silver haired black santa and the bacon aftertaste I had going is no longer pleasant.
 

That doesn't look like the Star of David to me... It looks to me that it's possible the Christmas party got a little loud and the sheriff was called in. Upon entry he says (pulling his bottom lip down with his pointer finger) "Anyone in here been naughty?", and that's when Black Santa bursts through the fireplace and they do a choreographed dance. Turns out they're part of a two man man stripper troupe called 'Douchebag and Token'. Fun was had by all except for the few times gafeldadouche blurted out with "...Don't call me that! My name is RICHARD!!!"
 

@ Medusa -
BEST. RANT. EVER.

-------
I would like to point out that the dude in the santa hat over Hanukkah guy's shoulder looks like the same dude who was looking over Nub's shoulder in the Friday Haiku. Very bad things appear to happen in this basement.
 

I take credit for TonzOfun's comment!! Having a roommate and sharing a computer with said roommate sucks sometimes.
 

Jesus. Medusa just gave the Grinch a hard on. Not the animated version, the really creepy one with Jim Carrey. Only with a magnificent, raging, green boner.
Now anyone with an imagination has that as well as Black Santa's dick in their heads. Happy fucking Hannukah
 

in honor of the Christmas spirit, i propose that the participants of this pic be electroshocked every time they act like douchebags, bleeths, trannies, or all of the above. like how Eric Cartman would be zapped every time he forgets the lyrics of Holy Night.

wait. the world would run of electricity. sorry my bad. maybe just dump them in the northern US or most of Canada. i'm glad global warming hadn't ruined the holiday weather. i know i'm gonna have a lotta fun with the snow when we get to work tomorrow.
 

I think he's cute














channeling Amanda
 

@ Steve L

is it cold up there?

... 'cause it's kinda cold here!
 

yeah all the news are reporting it. extreme cold.

it's milder in Vancouver compared to the interior / praries or the maritimes. those places are either in -40 C ~ -45 C weather or under blizzard warnings.

and by "mild," i mean that police in the Vancouver area had already found the body of a woman who was frozen to death outside her home.

that's why work will be fun for people who work outdoors tomorrow. fun fun fun (i meant that sarcastically in case there's any confusion). for once Old Man Winter can make himself useful by seriously bringing justice to douchebags around the world to improve the holiday seasons. but no, Old Man Winter can only reach so far with his cane...
 

oh and a holiday well-wish to fellow Canadian Troy Tempest: stay warm.
 

DB1, is that YOU posing in this pic? I FIGURE ONLY SOMEONE WHO AS THE NERVE TO POST IT would also be posing proudly in it.
 

This pic begs the question - might the douche virus be hallucinogenic?
 

Hmm, on second take, the ones who ought to be ashamed of themselves are wearing sunglasses INDOORS at a night party, the ones who haven't got anything to be ashamed of are grinning in the elf and black Santa garb.

Hey you in the blue Speedo with the Star of David, I got a tree tha needs a star topper, would you mind loaning me YOURS???
 

Have you been snacking on gefeltefish lately, DB1?

That black headpiece and jacket look like a rabbi's garb, but what lies beneath his Speedo appears to be about a mere pentateuch. Either that, or he's advertising Speedy Circumcisions. In a Speedo.

Quick, hand me a Nike, I want to 'nic this right in the bud....

Star of David looks like one of those taut pieces of paper on the football field where the team bursts right through it just before the start of the game, although I think the team "member" here is not much of a forward, tackle, punter, kicker, or wide receiver, ahem. I do find it very offensive, though.

Mebbe she needs to spin his dreidl a little bit, just to see if it gets any bigger and is in working order.
 

I feel much better about my white weenie now. Now, from left to right:

One of the Beastie Boys.

The chick from Third Rock From the Sun.

Chevy Chase from Spies Like Us.

A toy store employee.

John Redcorn in drag.

Idaho Hott: Congratulations to you, my dear. The answer is...

1985.

Seeya Sexy.
 

I always wondered what the combined seminarians' Christmas parties were like at Hebrew Union Theological, and now I know.
 

This got me in the holiday spirit I think I'll sing a song now:

Deck the 'bags with gasoline,

Fa la la la la, la la la puke,

Light a match and watch them gleam,

Fa la la la la, la la la hurl,


Watch the 'bags burn down to ashes,

Fa la la la la, la la la spew,

Aren't you glad I played with matches?

Fa la la la la, the bleeths are next.
 

Lulu already pointed this out, but it bears repeating: A yellow Star of David, middle douche? On your junk? Seriously? Somebody needs to go to the Holocaust Museum. Alternatively, somebody needs to get savagely beaten with a tire iron.

I'd go get mine, but my car is under a foot of snow. Can somebody help me out? Also: WHY WON'T IT STOP SNOWING?

Although, after this pic, I'm tempted to strip down to my undies, too. And then lay outside on top of a snowbank until sweet, sweet hypothermia takes me.
 

Oh shit, I forgot:

Don we now our gay apparal.
 

That's no black Santa, it's an angel. Where's his beard???

On second thought, he IS carrying a rather large bag...full of goodies...
 

It's still a nice 76 degrees down here. You guys enjoy that cold and the temperature with the subtraction sign in front of it. Whatever that means.
 

Ah, now, Darksock has moved the headcovering to just the top of his noggin, and grown those Hasidim sidecurls.

Oy ve!
 

@ Mr. White

I will gladly take up tire iron beating duties since you are snowed in! I'm a big girl (5'11") with a big reach.

I have sympathy for your snow. It stopped snowing here in Chicago and now it's 3 below with 25 mph winds.
 

@ Anthony LaBaglia 1:06

Can you imagine what that little elf/toy story employee would look like with a fresh set of Bolt Ons?!?!


S p i n n e r

Of course, not as good as Medusa or Idaho.

ASvB
 

and a Merry Douche-mas too!
 

Mr White, at 1:18...
One of the best ways to melt snow is to pee all over it....every boy and their dog's common knowledge.

I say, go for it!
 

@ Steve L.

When you say "people who work outdoors" you are referring to the "Ice Road Truckers," n'est-ce pas?
 

Nothin' like advertising your crucial little head under a gold Star of David embroidered on a Speedo. DAWGGGG!!!
 

@ massengill 2:56

"truck?" not to my knowledge of what my job entails. my job looks like this and this. and of course, in snow season, everything would be covered in snow, and the guys you see in the pictures would be out there tying up steel with snow falling on their hard hats and clothes. that, or somebody else does it for them. hard to imagine what kind of system can be erected to protect us from the rain, snow, heat, or whatever the weather throws at us. not that i'd be opposed to such an endeavor (please please please!).
 

gah second link not worky. click here instead.
 

@ steve L. 3:27

Huh huh huh, You said "erected", uh huh huh.
 

@ Medusa
10:36

I searched Google Maps and couldn't locate 'Sam Hill'.
Was I not searching on the right continent?
 

this picture makes me sad and blue on so many different levels i can't stand it.
 

Steve L

while tying rebar is grim, & doing it the snow is brutal, it is a job! be happy young pure lil' canuck
 

Memorandum: Due to difficult economic conditions we're sorry to inform you there will be no Christmas bonus this year along with no annual incentive for the 2009 Fiscal year.

Instead we give this colorful and inspirational photograph of our Senior Vice President of Sales and some of his associates to bring you Holiday Cheer.

And if sales and top-line growth are not improved by 10% over prior year the very large "blonde" on the right will be sent to your house - for motivational purposes only - to kick your dog in it's ribs and to give your wife a 200% "increase" above and beyond what she's used to in the sack.


Happy Holidays!
 

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I don't know about this...

I think one of these people dye's their hair.
 

"Een Vrussia wee ce-lo-brate
good tye-deengs weeth da Kosher
pee-nus and veree large block mahn and hee's ho's.
 

Plinky's Mom's pimp makes an appearance
 

@ anon 5:17

Gramatically you sound like pfah.

Comically you sound like a train crash.
 

@ Frodouche 4:08

It's on the Northern crescent of outer Asslandia.
 

@ Medusa 4:01

fuck. now i'm gonna have the word "erect" (along with other disturbingly erotic latex-related imagery) stuck in my head and possibly other body parts. you are so irresponsible with the consequences of your words.

@ Creature 4:29

if i keep telling myself that at least all the hardship of my job makes a man out of me enough to beat up half of the scrotestains who have graced HCwDB in photograph form, then i rest easier at night. or something along that line.

that being said, i have many douchey coworkers too. ugh.
 

@ Steve L

many of the Douches on this sight spend way to much time in the gym to keep up with... better to use weapons (barbed spears, galvinized fishhooks, ball extractors, gelding shears, etc.). as much as we would like to stomp the shit outta the douche, violence is not the way of eradication. the way of the mock will lead you salvation, young baghunter

... though, sadly, jamming your head in bowls full of Christmas pudding will have the same result, as we all know 'Bags have no shame!
 

Steve L

for an example see Dna Dan below...

... he could probably box my ears with my bloody arm stumps. however, he is greatly challenged when faced with shoe laces!
 

Actually, they only looked partly douchey. No kissy faces or scowls, no gang signs, no tattoos, no bling, no mandannas, no flexing.

Nice to see they celebrated more than one holiday. Very diverse. That was one tiny dreidel underneath that Star of David, though! Also, is that Tina Turner's brother from that Mad Max movie?

OY!
 

FYI, this is from the after party for a charity event:

http://www.santaspeedorun.com/
 

@Medusa

Ahh...I see it now, just on the Southern Rim of Scrotopolis.
 

Santa
should give
the Christians
underwear
with chiggers
and for
the Jew,
a brand new puppy
with parvo.
 

Since we're talking about people's junk: true story-

My 3 year old has taken an interest in peeing next to his olde man; so...

Me and The Boy are in the the frozen section of Winn Dixie when he offers to a passing nice lady "My Daddy's got a gigantic ding-ding!"...

All I could offer was "umm, everything's relative..." before tearing around the corner.*

* @ Medusa: my 4 year old has a 12" ding ding; call me.......
 

I meant 3 year old


Who cares; I'm lying....his ding ding is really only 7"....
 

@ Creature 6:35 & 6:38

yeah i know. i just say that like how we say we would all go to obscene lengths to access any place that might have Mia Sara Quartasian Hott's body cells. it's in that spirit.

@ DarkSock

your son has a bright future. but really, shouldn't you have given that passing nice lady a brief summary of how awesome your sex life is? ;)
 

The slower half of the mens and womens Olympic swimming relay teams, find their waning fame especially harsh in the unusually frosty winter of '08.
 

In an effort to mate the rare Hairless Polar and Black Bears, scientist were dismayed to find that these breeds only stored their shriveled wild-berries in their hibernation sacks.
 

uhhh, so ding ding = tailbone? 'cause I heard they made a big deal outta man comin' from a munkee in the deep south & how John Scopes kept secret evidence of a missing link in a "dark sock"
 

With no Sam Scrote thread to flock to, I might as well vent before I leave this country for a few weeks:

It was at this high school Christmas party in 1976, that Bono and The Edge realized their short term replacement of Adam Clayton with Randy Jackson would not go over well with their young groupies’ expectations.
 

Years of unrequited masturbation to the latest hardcore anal films led Chauncey to pay tribute with a bleached starfish over his unsalted peanuts.
 

Caught in a tough spot, Ralph and DeRonald quickly slapped on Oprah’s sphincter, and Gandalf’s pubic hair; respectively, as hats for their company Christmas party.
 

Is he Tom Jefferson's great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson or Visanthe Shiancoe in drag?
 

It was at this moment, in 1985, that Darius Rucker knew he was a lock for the new lead singing position for The Blowfish.
 

Most people never realized that, before their acclaimed self-titled album, Sevendust toured the malls of America as a festive Christmas band.
 

If this be the after-party of the Boston SantaSpeedoRun, then it answers The American Existential Dilemma: One if by land, two if by sea.

The tragic story of the Man named Charlie on that Tragic and Fateful D nnnnnay on the MTA pales as a half-eaten sandwich and an empty pot of Boston baked beans when compared to this dilemma.

That being stated, there can be only one thing by land, that being the one-donged male with the single LED lantern on his dickhead; and if by sea instead, there be the two-tit females carrying their burden of two lanterns, one per butt-cheek, and bobbing in the waves, post Tea Party.

Minus the lanterns themselves, this can best be illustrated with the best: only the tasty Boston Brown Bread on the right in his Aunt Jemima wig (or did he steal it from all those sheep grazing on the Commons???); two Harbor Hotts in their Santa's workshop caps, fresh from the Tea Party; and two Boston Brahmin Bulls of the Catholic and Jewish neighborhood alliances, ready to teabag anyone at a moment's notice with a quick strip of the Speedo.

There are some interesting little Beacon Hills under the Speedos, especially the one adorned with an actual starry beacon. Further up the line are the rather more Boston Common flattened rolling hott hills, mercifully covered in Santa's red sleigh blanket robes.

Santa is all around in seasonal garb and hairy features, albeit the unusually darker variety in four out of five of the Hannukites.
The influence of the Witch Trials of Salem can still be seen in the black headpiece and jacket of Rabbi Douchebagova, as do the dark glasses also suggest Massachusetts has had its darker days in the blinding sunlight of Freedom, as described by Marlo in "Free to Be You and Me."

Or as the Boston Little Brown Jug song goes,
"Yah ha ha, you and me,
Little Brown Jug how I love thee."

Which if you study carefully, you will see the contents manifested on the chest of Brown Bread and also hidden in his Speedo...with white foam all over his head.
 

@ ufo 9.42p

He could be both!
 

Much to the chagrin of the staff, the majority of the oxygen in the basement was vacuumed into the waiting lungs of the fearsome Minuscule Newtical Quintet, as they tightly held their tummies for their much anticipated cover shot for the much anticipated winter edition of Doggie Paddle Magazine ®.
 

Jiggle balls, jiggle balls,
jiggle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a Speedo-stripped down way-ay!

Jiggle balls, jiggle balls
jiggle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a red-Hott's open splay!

Dashing through the snow
In a red-Hott's open splay,
O'er the cunts we go
laughing all the way,
Bells on Bobbed-cock-rings
Making spirits bright,
What fun it is to laugh and sing
As we fuck our friends to-nigh-ight!

Jiggle balls, jiggle balls,
Jiggle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
In the hotchicks open splay-ay!
Jiggle balls, jiggle balls,
Jiggle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
On the hotchicks-douchebag sleigh!
 

Used to the cold, the disguised Rasputin (seen here with a perm and sheriff's glasses) is about to take a dip in the frozen pool with the merry bunch from the witness protection program, his junk shriveled from vodka and syphilis - a parting gift from cheap Russian whores. The Rock (far right) doesn't know yet that the freezing water is about to replace that sheepish look on his face with that of sheer horror, as he watches his kielbasa get reduced to a Cheeto. He's about to be all George Costanza-like: "I was in the pool!" The cheerleader elf forgot to take off her AbSonic. And everybody forgot what Christmas is supposed to be celebrating.
 

This charity fundraiser raised a whopping $23 for the cause ...


but 9 months later it produced a cute little baby and a litany of paternity tests.





And dark sock's mom is so fat her clothes have to be fitted in circumference.
 

Whoop Di Douche is in rare form. I can't look at this pic. That Brobag went too far to get on the site.
 

Black Santa looks well on his way to be coming a tranny
 

But girl in the shades makes my world go round. Oh, why must life be so confusing? :'(
 

@ darksock 8:11

So, in the course of a few sentences, you not only forgot how old your son is, but you're telling me to call you on account of his weenine. I'm a little concerned, Sock....


And I would have given any money to see that lady's face when the little Socklet threw that one out in the store.
 

Is Hannakuh Harry in the middle borrowing Rod Blagojevich's hair? WTF is up with that?
 

@medusa - I agree with the others, you get best rant of the week here.

This is yet another one of those situations where at first you think, whatever, people will do silly things, then it dawns on you - these are sentient human beings dressing up like this. People just like you and me.

I mean, what kind of hell would any of us have to sink to to subject ourselves to this kind of thing?
 

Thank you, thank you all. My bile increases as Thursday draws closer. Please, DB1, no more Christmas photos, or I might actually have an aneurysm.

@ Mr. Biggs

No. I assure you, these people are not "just like you and me". Not by a longshot. Which is why they are in the photo, and you and I are in the comment thread, puzzling over the photo.
 

Just an FYI, they're dressed like that for a charity run in Boston. It's almost like a second Halloween for us folks here. A ton of money is raised, so just keep that in mind when bashing them..
 

What a bunch of assholes this site attracts.

This is SANTA SPEEDO RUN which is an annual charity event in Boston.

"The Dirty Heathens" team from Boston raised more than $2,500 and was one of the top three fund-raisers for the event.

Pictured from left are team members Ernie Pu, Miranda Cookie, Jacob Sooty, Candy Robinwitz, and Jerry D. Sooty, in the middle, described his costume as "the running rabbi."
 

Am at a loss for where to start on this one....nice grenade DB1.
 

Black Santa beyond Thunderdome!
 

I see neither a hott nor a douche. But I'll never pass up an opportunity to yell SHALOM!