Is this Pimp Santa with a moustache?
 

No.

I spent the whole video waiting for Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake to show up and deliver the punchline, thinking that this had to be an SNL Digital Short and couldn't possibly be real.

But... No. C'mon.
 

only douchebags can pass themselves off as singers without singing any of the words in the song.

my favorite scene is when Gunter kinda kisses the dog. regrettably he didn't stick his tongue in the dog's ass. but then that's not saying much about the video. i can only watch it about 5 seconds at a time. every 5 seconds i have to take a break to allow horrible substances to be vomited, urinated, or defecated out of my body.

if there's Christmas in hell, this video must be the only thing the red-skinned pitchfork-wielding folks there play on the big screen all day.

but i have to say, even though all bleeths are bleeths, the bleeths here are better than the bleeths in, say, the B4-4 videos.
 

I loved it... I laughed, I cried, I crapped my pants!

thanks DB1, just what I wanted a Christmas mullet! the midgets are hilarious!
 

This can't be real. I refuse to believe it.

Where's the Hebrew Hammer when you need him?
 

I like how Benji just wanted to leap out of the Christmas Mullets arms.
 

the watered-down euro version of Chris Christmas Rodriguez.

++if either of the 2 blonde bleeths run out of lotion for their thighs, I think I could help out.
 

That was a dog?
 

Sweden is an interesting place. At least, there are a few people with a sense of fun and humor there...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E13L9ljaGjA
 

Click if you dare: http://www.gunthernet.com/spindex.htm

I can't tell if he's joking or not.
 

Just what every bleeth wants for Christmas... a framed photo of her mullet-sprouting douchebag friend and a pair of handcuffs!

If you click on his "Ding Dong Song" video, it's even funnier. You have to see his naked ass, but then you get rewarded with some sweet lesbian action.
 

Personally i have loved gunther for a while. to me he is like the bra! of singers, you cant hate because eh's just having a good time...at least he isnt preaching violence...

p.s anyone else bored as hell at their parents'/ families houses for Xmas?

Army of Douche-ness
 

Interesting scrotazoid/jerz-like guido/erotrash fusion going on with this 'bag. Swede hott #1 should be in the hall of fame though.
 

I think I threw up a little partially-digested pancake and grilled Spam in my mouth.
 

being confined in "family events" is always harsh lame, Army of Douche-ness.

a girl once told me she spent 20 minutes brushing her teeth in her grandmother's house.

at least you weren't in my shoes. our family events were way worse.

now back to Gunther hate and the Ding Dong Song. not enough lesbian action IdahoHott!
 

@ Steve L

Thanks. yeah man, i feel you.

it's funny my dad's all "hey Army, why are you spending so much time on the computer today?" and it's like,

"well I suggested we entertain ourselves with the bob dylan multi cast film ' I'm Not There' or the new 'Improv Everywhere' DVD i just got from mom but you insisted on no tv and put on the trans-siberian orchestra"


Army of Douche-ness
 

Eww GAWD. The Christmas mullet and the douche-face just made me lose my Baileys and cocoa. My urge to cut off any mullet is so strong that it's like the urge to pee.

Anyway. Merry Christmas to all the 'bag hunters and huntresses here - thanks for the giggles :)
 

Um...are we SURE this isn't Hasselhoff?
 

Can't you just picture DB1 breaking away from the family dinner table after opening up holiday gifts.."excuse me, i got to make an upload for hot chicks with douchebags, be right back..thanks again for the acrombie and finch sweater Aunt Martha.."
 

@Army of Douche-ness

Wait until it's your house and you have to host the family gatherings.
I grab the wife's laptop and hide out in the back room.
 

I worry for structural integrity of Ewok dog's rectum.

Dear God, mini-douche 1 and 2 were just too much for me to bear. My nipples bleed with disbelief.
 

I'm sorry, but Gunther fucking rules.

Next time I post, he will be my new avatar.
 

samurai scrote's personal stylist is gunther
 

I made it to 0:57!!
 

Adolf, that means you missed all the side-butt action!

Side-butt action makes is what Christmas is all about.
 

i don't know about you, but my christmas is ruined.
 

ugh.. i sent in gunther vids to db1 a long time ago and he didn't post them. yes it's real and yes he is this awesome. i went to see him live in chicago and had a blast and even got my picture taken with him!
 

"Fucking rules", eh BCS? I'll watch the video again. Maybe I missed something.


Nope. Even if he is trying to be sadly ironic, he's quite heavy on the sad side. And if it is real, well, there's a whole new reason to consider the Nords pathetic. Don't those assholes know that they have Viking in their blood? Odin would be pissed! ON the other hand, the girls in the video show sideboob, so perhaps BCS is right.

@Army of Douche-ness

It's called NBA on TNT. Put it on and all your boredom problems will be solved. Or you could just watch the dramatic Laker victory over and over. The sweetness of tha victory should hold up for at least two, maybe three straight viewings.

Me? I'm gonna continue drinking Eggnog martinis (thank YOU Steve Martin), watch more ball, play with my new deli meat slicer (insert joke here), and watch my new roomba chase the cat.

Merry Christmas All!
 

Ok, I admit, I didn't watch the video the whole way through, until now. BCS, you were right, I was wrong. I had no idea there were midgets in the video, much less midgets with ginormous beer bellies humping dopey hot blond's arms. Gunther fucking rules.
 

whoa Vader you have a roomba? that's some expensive high-tech toy. why didn't you spend that money on call girls instead? OH SHI - leave that to the douchebags. heh heh...

merry Christmas and have fun with your roomba!
 

I'm still trying to decide if either of the midgets got a mercy fuck by any of the Hot Chicks. I'm taking so long to ponder that because I do NOT want to risk even one microsecond of thought about the possibility of them giving Gunther a mercy fuck. Or, heaven forfend, the Hot Chicks giving him one, too.
 

and so it is christmas...

And so I had to go spend the evening with Aquamarina's family, who live in a suburb of HELL called purgatory. Me, Aqua, and little Marina take the SuperCar over to the In Laws house, and it's a mind numbing disaster from the start.

I would rather do my own dental surgery without anaesthesia using blunt rusty nails than deal with this, but, I grin and bear it.

First, there's Aqua's folks. Both of them born back when cars had cranks and girls sang voe-dio-do. Her dad is as blind as they get. He wears glasses but I can't image what for. This is a bummer but add to the fact that he's deaf as a post and mumbles rightwing bullshit incessantly, it only adds to the stew. Grandma's OK, she's getting rickety though and her gnat-like attention span doesn't help.

Then there's Aqua's sister, Ariel. Ariel's a pretty woman but has poor taste in men and settled for her hubby, Jethro. Together they spawned Dreama and Jeter. Dreama's a drama queen, spoiled to the core. Jeter's a douchebag in training. The little fuck is only 7 and he wears a Yankees cap with a hat tilt and his pants falling off his skinny little butt.

So, we're all there for dinner at their hideous McMansion - a great grey box windowless on the sides and set in a treeless disaster of a suburb with foreclosure signs at every corner, forming odd salutes to the giant SUVs and garages full of worthless consumer crap. Their place is no different except they are not in foreclosure. Yet.

They got some stupid crazy loan that stunned us all - given that Jethro's life is spent tying flyfishing lures and selling comics on eBay, and Ariel's working part time as a receptionist at a repo lot, it's stunning how they qualified for ANY loan at all. Of course the house is crammed to the gills with every piece of craptastic technology, because Jethro thinks he's super computer saavy, what with his 2.4gHz Pentium box running Win2k through his cable modem. They bought that when they bought the house, of course.

so, anyway, we sit down at their big ass table they bought at Levitz's for 1/2 off three years ago. It would be nice if it wasn't made out of particle board and linoleum. They think it looks modern, I think it's crap.

So, we all sit down and the kids are running around and screaming all wired up on the junior level bathtub crank grandma calls "christmas cookies", while the SAME DAMNED Xmas album plays on endless loop - a digitised version of the Firestone Christmas Record they made for Grandpa 10 years ago. So, just as Nat King Cole starts oozing out of the JBL towers (huh- yup - JBL stands fer Just Blastin' Loud! huh. uh huh...) the kids are crammed into the seats from which they only wish to explode. At which point Dreama starts screaming how she doesn't want to eat turkey.

SO then there's the "oh we all have to fuss over Dreama" scene, where she gets all the attention she wants for just being a picky little twat at the dinner table. Finally she stops crying and then the Jesus Crap starts flying around "thankyoujesusforhelpinguswiththisfoodand
thankyoujesusforthis specialtimewithourfamily
andthankyoujesusforyouarechristourlord..."

and I just wanna puke at that point.

"Ya know Jethro, the only reason you could afford this meal is because you finally found some dipshit stupid enough to spend hundreds of dollars on some old comic book that's self-destructing from its acid paper as we speak."

I wanted to say that, but I didn't.

So, they all get dog in the mouth, because there's nothing to talk about. They know I think they're a bunch of delusional morons for their idiotic religion. And we can't talk about politics, because "Their Guy Lost". And we can't talk about their kids, because Jeter's such a ADHD case he's only a few hertz away from vibrating into an alternative universe, and Dreama's dumb as a bag of lawn clippings and will probably have to repeat first grade. We can't talk about their jobs, because Jethro doesn't really have one, and Ariel works behind a two inch thick window with the biggest bunch of nimrods ever assembled in one place, and they're only doing as well as they are because of the economy. Otherwise, they'd be on unemployment with the rest of the mob. And we can't talk about the weather because IT SUCKS, and we can't talk about TV because Me, Aqua, and Marina don't watch it, and we can't talk about music because all they listen to is "NuCountry" and "Christian Rock" which is such nasty vomit inducing crap it induces aneurysms in household pets, and we can't talk about the past, because that will cause Granpa to talk REALLY LOUDLY about the time he peed on Coolidge's shoe, AGAIN, FOR THE 350th TIME, and we can't talk about the future, because they really don't have one that is worth considering.

So, it just breaks down into a chaotic melee to get fed and admire the food which was all bought pre-cooked from WalMart and merely required some reheating in the microwave for this fine and formal dinner.

And WHILE we're huffing down this fat laden sawdust and swilling it down with Gallo White Zinfandel which smelled and tasted of burnt rubber, sulfur, and toejam, Jethro's buddy, "Billy Jim" shows up. I wanted to ask him why he wrote "The Will to Believe" but I quickly surmised that he wouldn't get the joke, and if he did, he would realise he never read the book, and would think I was being a dick.

Which I was, anyway because I was dealing with morons. So, Billy Jim pulls up a chair, sits on it backwards while chewing his "tabacky" like a Holstein on crystal meth. He is very animated and he SHOUTS the simplest things, and it is only the simplest things he knws about. Aqua asks him if he'd like some of the Walmart Pre-cooked turkey sawdust, and he said "SURE!!! That stuff is AWESOME! Why I done got the same thing last night fer dinner. They sure do know how ta cook in the backroom of that Walmart. DANG that's TASTY STUFF!!! YYYYEEEEAAAHHH!"

At that point I'm looking for a window to jump from, but we're on a ground floor, so all I would do would be to break a window and fuck myself up on the glass. Sigh. So, we all get introduced to Billy Jim and I shake his hands and he smiles at me with that "Oh. You're one of THEM." looks in his eyes when Jethro announces that we're expats and successfully fled the Empire years ago.

"So, you live in CANADA, huh? Wull that's just one a them thar socialist commie ass countries ain't it?"

"Umm, no. It's as capitalist as the USA, it just spends its tax money on things like universal health, roads, and culture, unlike your benighted bankrupt casino which pisses it all away on a bloated military."

"Yeah - and we got the bombs and we can KICK YOUR ASS!!!"

"Well, the last time the USA invaded Canada"

"The USA never did any such damn thing."

"Yes, it did. In the war of 1812. And even though the USA outnumbered Canada 13 million to 300,000 we still kicked your ass. You lost horribley. And then the British came and burned down your capital city. And they would have burned down the rest of your country if it hadn't been for Napoleon kicking up a fuss back in the civilised world."

That was the conversation I was thinking of having, but instead, I just rolled with it,

"Yeah, commie socialists. Gay marriage is legal and everything. Universal health care. All that. Terrible place."

"Wull, then why ya there if its such a commie dump hole?"

"Because I have an excellent job, Aqua's got a great position at a growing company, Marina goes to top notch schools, and we have a very nice house in a lovely neighbourhood in a world class city."

"Oh. So, you got it pretty good up there."

"Yeah, the only downside is the price of liquor - it's pretty stiff. But then, the tax on it helps pay for our health care system."

"Wow - booze is expensive?"

"Yes. Very."

"Wull that sucks. I like cheap booze."

"Mmmm. I can understand that."

After such pleasantries which resembled talking to an ox, if an ox was a 300 lb alcoholic denizen of a trailer park, it was time for Billy Jim to leave. He opened up a bag and gave Dreama and Jeter some plastic crappy toys. By the time he was out the door Dream and Jeter had taken them apart and neither had the patience, intelligence, skill, or attention span to put them back together. So they just wailed and Jethro said he'd fix it.

We said our goodbyes and ran for the Supercar.

The cold grey sky matched the cold grey death at the heart of this exubian monstrosity. Truly, the single greatest misappropriation of resources in the history of the species. All this wealth, all these resources, pissed away on the convenience of morons.

Xmas is just the pinnacle of poop show.
 

Okay, I, ah, I sort of loved that. Dude can't be serious, can he? I mean, really. Really. No, really, he can't be serious. Not with the mullet and the aviators and the queerstache and the kissing the dog's ass. No. I refuse to believe this is serious. Ah, and, too, also, gosh, the thongbottom Bleeths and the naked dancing midgets, no it was hilarious and I made it all the way through, laughing my ass off the whole time.

I ate a lot of ham today.
 

Unnhhh yeahhh, this song has it all. Mullets, escorts, snow, and dancing midgets. My Christmas is almost complete, I just need to run outside for some sweet target practice with my new Red Ryder Doucheliminator 3000...

...right after I watch that Samantha Fox video again, away from the family. In private.
 

Gunther has ALWAYS been a parody of schlocky, crappy Europoppy dance music. I kid you not. It took me years to find this out after I laughed at "The Ding Dong Song", and thought that Europeans were dumber than I thought. Don't take him too seriously...it's all tongue in cheek.

-Honey bunches of scrotes
 

Wow. Troy.

I have only been a reader, and not much of a contributor over the last year or so, but that little Christmas diatribe should be published.

My vote for line of the year: "Jeter's such a ADHD case he's only a few hertz away from vibrating into an alternative universe"

Oh yea, and this video is further proof that the USA is finished. At least the midgets helped to salvage whatever dignity we have left as a society. That and the fact that the ladies in the video seemed more interested in each other than Gunther and his canine girlfriend.
 

Gunther the Miullet needs badly to be whacked with a mallet upside the head.

TYhat's all I have to say
 

Bravo Troy. I empathize with your pain, brother.

Well, except for the being Canadian part (ya hoser).
 

@Steve/Troy: You really need to stop holding back, you know.
Also, my cousins from Moscow are reporting in that they just read your post aloud at the Lenin Mausoleum.
I guess it's a Christmas Miracle, because apparently the guy Sat up, Looked them both in the eyes and said,
"Я теперь имею гигантский монтаж."

-Wow.
 

That...is the greatest thing I've seen since DJ Bobo's Vampires Are Alive won the 2007 Eurovision song contest.

Two different kinds of great, though. Gunther is the greatest as in the fresh princiest. DJ Bobo was great in scope, in regards to his video's gayness, as in; that thing was gayer than Andy Dick, Billy Bean and Alexis Arquette forming an ABBA cover band.

I am now officially a Gunthamaniac.
 

Goota hand it to those Europeans, though. DeeeeeyAMN!
 

@ troy 7:15

Pulitzer. 'Nuff said.

I'm with Douche Unto Others...a co-worker intro-douched me to Gunther over the summer. We still can't figure out if it's a joke or not. Either way, it rules, in a clown-under-the-bed kinda way. I like the teeny-weeny-string bikini video best myself.
 

wow Troy. now that's what it means to be a dedicated family man - putting up with in-laws!

the last time i went out on a limb to disguise my dislike of any of my relatives or friends of parents was in my teens. i was impressionable, and most of my family members and relatives were coercive control freaks. since then, i had not put up with any BS from my parents or siblings (most of whom are living thousands of kilometers away from me now) for a long time.

but then maybe that's why i'm probably bad for relationships / marriage.
 

I made it to 1:40. Then I puked.

Why the FUCK am I watching this at Christmass?

I should be celebrateing the birth of our LORD.

Family, Friends, Loved ones, That is what the day is about. Get Jesus, or get HELL!!!!















*Drunken Troll*











Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!
 

Okay, having just walked the last of the ingrate in-laws out to their banged up '93 Mazda MX-3 with duct tape holding the hatchback in place I rest my arse at the screen here to read Troy's EPIC tome.

This is the stuff of legend.

My story begins and ends with dentally challenged loud mouths from the high desert. Places named "Victorville" and "Hesperia" that if one were to purchase a Thomas Guide of San Bernardino County they would discover that all the highway off ramp roads actually end miles later and turn into dirt roads.


Bumpy dirt roads that once shattered an axle on my relatively new Solara convertible 6 years ago.

But I digress.

Troy/Steve's enlightened view of Christmas touches all the bases. Rampant commercialism, hopeless pseudo-pedagogues, cultural differences and extreme taste swings.

I cooked an awesome turkey and placed it alongside a cheap hunk of ham . The usual side dishes were accompanied by a perfect Hollandaise sauce slathered row of fresh asparagus, and homemade gravy next to warmed up cans of "Cream of Mushroom" soup.

The soup was gone, the homemade gravy untouched.

The asparagus was met with snarled lips and rolled eyes.

Three people fought over the drumsticks in a battle of wits that normally ensues over who gets to suck on the bong screen when the pot is gone.

Don't even mention the trumatic scene over the hambone ...


When most of the food was gone, one of the kids said, "Dad, can I get a Twinky out of the car.....?"
 

As others have said, Troy's rant is epic. I've been lucky. Since Sister White spawned, I'm no longer compelled to visit the backwoods shithole that is western PA, the place of my spawning. No more listening to racist diatribes that would make the characters in "Mississippi Burning" blush. It's all about visiting the wee ones here in Boston. And I can sit in the corner, happy and drunk, nothing more expected of me than an occasional reading of Dr. Seuss or "What Will Fat Cat Sit On?"

And occasionally breaking out in a low, vaguely European accent for some Gunther.

"It's Christmas."



"Decorations."
 

Thank you all. I'm sick as a dog this morning, and between coughing up small chunks of my lungs, I feel like I wanna heave because all the postNasal drip went to my stomach, which is now awash in my own Snot.

Ugh. And I have to travel tomorrow somewhere the interweb thingie is a dodgy proposition.

Argh. So, I might not be around much for the next week or so.

Back to bed...

"oh to live on, Booger Mountain
Beneath the Kleenex and the Pseudofed..."
 

wonkeydouche wrote:

Я теперь имею гигантский монтаж.

Ya teper imeyoo gigantsky montazh?

You have a large installation?

OK. Leave it to the russians...
 

Gunther just made me Jewish...
 

Are you sure this isn't Weird Al?
 

I loves me some Gunther. I've been a fan for years. He is really special. And by special I mean short bus. And by short bus I mean whoa.

Just as a side note, Gunther should be reported to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights for the misuse of a little person.
 

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

Swedish Christmas video makes Medusa feel all lesbian inside.
 

I LOVE this guy! After googling and checking his site etc, I have to say, this guy DID IT! He is fooling everyone...just like Marilyn Manson!

More power to him...I found out he played Yale and made an easy 16K.

Wing has nothing on him....
 

omg is this for real. it cant be. wholly crap (haah) and he doesnt seem to open his eyes to much.