Haha, what a turd. I like the child's crayon all over the walls ! That spells "money'.
 

Can you print this guy's email address so we can terrorize him? Thanks..I'm bored.
 

Andy sounds like he has sand in his vagina. And in his brain.
 

La whores? I really don't know how he can tell they are French just from their pictures.
 

i hate to always be this guy, but i call bullshit. a reg having fun, methinks.
 

apparently scottsdale millionaires (which by the way douche-head, if you were one , you could spell it) write on the walls of their one bedroom efficiencies when they are not taking 'roids.

And by scottsdale p@ssy he apparently means the mannequin in the brett favre jersey. She almost looks lifelike... which means aNdy is actually andrew mcarthy jr, illegitimate son of 80's brat packer OD (original douce).
 

Wow, way to use the shift key, Andy!

Does your mommy know you can access the net?

Give a big shoutout to all the broheims at Cocopah Middle School.



A rather strange thought just came to me. I had a business trip to Scottsdale in August of 1992. After a mostly liquid dinner consisting of Jack Daniel's and pretzels some compadres and I went to the Hyatt Regency Bar. After another four or five Jack Daniel's on the rocks I remember going back to my room with this cute little dark haired girl. We made the beast with two backs for a few hours (ask your Mom) and I sent her home with cab fare. I never heard from her again. Here's the weird part. You look just like her, and well, the age is about right. C'mere and give your Dad a hug, son!
 

You need to go to Scottsdale and confront aNDY Unforgiven-style.

aNDY: "You'd be Douchebag1 out of Los Angeles. Mocker of Guidos and frat-scrote."

DB1: "That's right. I've mocked Guidos and frat-scrote. I've mocked just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I'm here to mock you, Little aNDY, for what you said in your retarded email."
 

Man, if this isn't just some joke this is hilarious. I love people who try to use caps...when caps lock is on. Just makes my day. I've never seen such a display of "I need to act big and tough to hide my small peepee" prose before. These douchebags are gonna start charging me for this entertainment I think.

I'm hoping blondie here is making some kind of explosive mixture. She looks to be concentrating too hard to be making just regular drinks. She's got "I'm secretly a nuclear physicist" written all over her. His arms scare me, its like he's got cottage cheese on top of the muscle. Not attractive. And unless she's 6ft and that table is made for giants homeboy needs some heels on his shoes.
 

@BillDouchiest the Wild Swine

Wonderful Othello reference.

Full points.
 

I've been watching the next generation marathon on scifi. As the vulcans would say, Andy is highly illogical, and needs to suck klingon scrote.
 

"yo yo yo this is aNDY shoutin' out from Hottsdale AZ. I'm 5 foot one and full of fun. I work the pipes, day and night. Now I'm all arms - don't need any smooth charms. Pop the colla, make the bitches holla - WORD!"

aNDY can use the phone book to see over the dash and then rip it in half.
 

what a pecker head,been to SCOTTSDALE nuthing much happening there,like i said about Joey P me and my g/f would luv to get this peckerhead alone in a room and just use his face for our pleasure,and then as our toilet.
 

Thus the reason for the mocking. It must be done, the cause is just, the resistance is unified.

I'll be home for a year or so to the 'states. The goal is more education (masters in ME, here I come, yay.) so I hope to have ample time to bag hunt.

I sincerely hope I have the opportunity to run into this particular bacterial anomaly in a Denny's on my trek from LA to Dallas, so I can stop what I'm doing, interrupt whatever he is pretending to do, point, and laugh in his face.

Because that's the kind of dose of reality he needs.

I probably won't though, I only stop to pee, and I only do that when I need gas for the car, so opportunities will be limited.
 

Best. Email. Ever.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Like bcs I too wonder at the veracity of aNDY.
If this illiterate little squint really is from 'sCOTTSDALE' wouldn't this anorexic girl be wearing a Cardinal's jersey?
 

Seems like he realized his CAPS LOCK key was on towards the end there. Why he didn't go back and fix the rest of the letter it is beyond me.

Maybe he doubted his ability to come up with such cunning vitriol again.
 

All I got from the message was that he really really really wants to meet you.
 

so this is Scottsdale, Arizona? whew. i was afraid it was from Scottsdale, BC. but then nothing from aNDY's (haha, aNDY) email actually says where this "Scottsdale" is so i'm still a bit worried.

and oh shit i looked up Scottsdale on Wikipedia and it gave me this:

The New York Times described downtown Scottsdale as "a desert version of Miami's South Beach" and as having "plenty of late night partying and a buzzing hotel scene."

ok i surrender. "la WHORES" have nothing on "SCOTTSDALE P@SSY". now KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
 

Here's the thing. It's not for certain that DB1 is putting an actual photo of the e-mailer next to the letter.

Letter= for real

aNDy from sCOTTSDALE in photo = not sure



I will say this: that desert sun has melted a LOT of aNDY's brain away.
 

"We represent...
the Lollipop Douche.
The Lollipop Douche,
the Lollipop Douche."
 

Please aNDY, do tell us how a real man makes the scene..

I hope it involves incorrect grammar and a busted up volvo.

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

I agree that is probably not our friend, aNDY, on the left. But it's nearly what I picture aNDY to look like. aNDY probably has more gold chains, though.
 

This pic is not aNDY, merely my closest approximation of what I picture our good friend aNDY to really look like.

-- management
 

If it is indeed Scottsdale, AZ, I think aNDY needs to be checking under those skirts to make sure he doesn't have a link and two biscuits waiting for him. A large gay population doesn't make for a lot of pussy that will accept dick.
 

This guy should be afforded a weekly post; a couterpoint, kinda like Bill Kristol in the NY Times. It could be genius. Call it "ugly whores with nancyboys".
 

Scottsdale is a notorious haven for doucheflakes, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKwA8pFJvJc. Probably one of the worst places on the planet. Seriously, I'd rather live in Iraq.
 

yeah that's what i thought DB1. and the funny thing is, an HCwDB appearance is almost guaranteed if aNDY takes DB1 or a fellow 'bag hunter on a tour of "sCOTTSDALE P@SSY" (now i got it right - lower case s!) in person. does aNDY want to make an appearance on HCwDB, or is this yet more proof of him not thinking about the consequences of his words? if it's the latter, aNDY is probably shivering in his undies and doing everything he can to make sure no image of him ever appears anywhere on the web.

curiouser and curiouser, aNDY boy!
 

Well, I think that perhaps Vin is on the right track here. In any case, this pic elicits a degree of frustration from me like no other.

Here we have some trust fund brat that hasn't had to take responsibility for any action that he has ever made in his life.

He and his 'buddies' are allowed to run free in the house, writing on the walls with crayons and kicking holes in the drywall.
Mommy and Daddy think that they are so 'modern' that they allow this type of behavior to go unchecked. That would never fly in blue collar middle America. Dad works to damn hard to let little aNDY fuck up the walls like some wannabe tagger.

They do him no favors.

His sense of entitlement is as large as his unwarranted ego.
He's never had to wash a dish or cook a meal in his life. Why should he? Maria and Martha pick up after him and wash the shit marks out of his dirty underwear.

Go out and mow the grass on Saturday?! Unthinkable! Pedro and Jose roll up in their broken down 1984 Ford pick-up and take care of the 'landscaping'.

What this Jack Hole needs (besides a swift kick in the ass) is a list of chores. Preferably a list longer that the fingers of his anorexic girlfriend.

I hate this douche.

I know I don't usually rant like this, but aNDY really struck a chord of anger with me this morning.
 

Caps-Lock Andy. Press it. Plzzzz. What's that, yo? U 2 Tru 4 Capz Lockkkk?
 

Normally I don't post email addresses, but aNDY is so amusing, I thought some of you might like to inquire further about his philosophical ethos.

andy al: andya_9@hotmail.com
 

Andy's email raises two important questions:

1) how do inmates at state mental hospitals get access to the Internet.

and

2) how does one type at a keyboard while wearing a strait-jacket?

Inquiring minds want to know...
 

the girl is 5'6 tops, which means that douche is probably 5'3
 

And so Scottsdale makes the Top 5 most nuke-able cities on the "Douchebag Extermination" Target List...
 

I thought your "CHICKS WITH DOUCHE BAGS" idea had merit specifically because you were such a 'bag, DB1.

Andy is irony impaired at a minimum; likely sociopathic.

My understanding of Scottsdale from my friends that live there is that is it a blue-hair/frost-top bridge/golf mecca.

So, unless Andy is actually Dr. Heller, he is talking out his ass. But then again, Andy could be 85 years old and emailing from the dayroom of Pueblo Norte Assisted Living.

His repeated desire ("love") to meet you should have you considering a restraining order.
 

"cAPS-lOCK aNDY" sUCKS sHIT.

He is "low class." ; )
 

aNDY is a big douche at the sCOTTSDALE playgrounds.
 

sCOTTSDALE P@SSY treats aNDY like a PHARAOH.
 

Without seeing aNDY's email address, I'd be inclined to agree with bcs' assessment of the letter.

But if it's all genuine, then our society is surely doomed.
 

fUCK aNDY!
 

When the douchebags write in to plead their case (i.e. make asses of themselves like aNDY), it's usually shortly after being featured on the site. Now, I'm going to guess that aNDY has been featured here fairly recently, but I'll guess it's from the posts after Sunday's "Hanukkah" entry since that's supposedly a team of runners from Boston.

OK, my guesses:

The Oilcakes
Where's Waldouche? from the wall of ass and legs
Curiously Wrong
____________________ (insert your choice)
 

This shit just made my day! I am still laughing. When I'm done I just want to punch him square in the nose. And then laugh some more.
 

I think aNDY has been sucking on too many cacti.

Dude can't even drive 4 feet without a "prickly" reminder of why he fled Cooperstown, NY when his latent homosexuality started to "cum" to a rapid boil.


For Christmas aNDY got a 50 gal. drum of K-Y jelly, a trampoline and a 12ft. Saguaro cactus which he placed right.next.to.the.trampoline.
 

What was that all about??
 

sPURS fAN, iS tHAT yOU?

or is it DJ Bellome??
 

I agree with bcs. This has to be fake. The whole Scottsdale thing makes it a little too perfect.

-Ponderonymous
 

"COME TO sCOTTSDALE AND ILL SHOW YOU HOW THE REAL MEN GET IT !!"

sounds like an invite for hot gay sex if i ever heard one.

yikes.
 

"yOUr (sic) THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG!"

now I know the your vs. you are=you're mistake is among the most common of GED certificate holders, but hey, it's (not its, aNDY) like getting in a fist fight with a no armed guy.... just not fair!

while it is true that aNDY needs to be lashed to a saguaro cactus & flogged with a bolo tie, I'm not gonna pile on the "unarmed"

You go with your bad self, aNDY, & knock down all that sCOTTSDALE P@SSY... I'll (short for I will) keep the la WHORES... not sure I could keep up with the tsunami of hotts flocking to the middle of the desert tq make it in the showbiz mecca of sCOTTSDALE!
 

Andy,

This is society talking. Please kill yourself immediately. Also, do it painfully and without slowing up my morning commute by jumping in front of a train.
 

My "mission" every day is to get laid, with, or without a woman, I don't give a fuck thanks you very much.
 

I know this guy!

aNDY came into our shop the other day, handed me a picture of some other douchebags horrible meaningless tribal monstrosity and wanted to know if he could get that guy's tattoo exactly like that.

Being the entrepreneur that I am, I agreed and charged him accordingly excessively. He sat down and began to tell me his life story as though I even slightly cared, and proceeded to pass out in the first five minutes of the procedure...to wit, he pissed himself, because when you pass out, you sometimes lose control of your bladder.

I handed him a paper towel and told him to clean up his own mess and come back when he became a real man.

Thank god I'll be dead by then.

True Story.
 

Yes. Scottsdale millionaires. I have spent some time in Scottsdale, and there is quite a bit of money there, to be sure. I have also grown up in a mediocre, middle-class part of the Chicago area, which was surrounded by incredibly affluent parts. And that is where the the other scumbag kids like me hung out because that's where all the good drugs and cool toys were.

Not being posessed of any wealth myself, but through experience and observation, I am quite able to distinguish the haves from the have-nots. I can even tell the difference between old money and the nouveau riche.

What I do know is this, aNDY...Millionaires do not inhabit graffiti-covered basements with disastrous wall patches and cheap industrial carpets. They do not drink cheap liquor from plastic cups on folding tables. And they certianly can use a keyboard. Oh, yeah, and they are usually not teenagers, either. They would not feel the need to send in a juvenile, epithet-laden email. They would scoff and then go buy a new suit at Polo to prove their worth to themselves. And they usually don't refer to it as (fill in city name) p@ssy. You're so proud of the pussy you get, but you can't even type the word? A dubious claim indeed.

I will give you a few moments to refer to the dictionary to look up the meanings of a few of the above words.

I have coffee, I'm fine waiting. Take your time.
 

i think db1 should prove himself. we all cant go round calling people douchebags and not get a little dirty.
 

i think db1 should prove himself. we all cant go round calling people douchebags and not get a little dirty.
 

i think db1 should prove himself. we all cant go round calling people douchebags and not get a little dirty.
 

however, most of us can click on "publish your comment" only once!
 

@ Anonymous 2:15, 2:15, 2:16

That is what's wrong with people today, they think that they have to go around proving themselves to everyone.

Fuck that. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, and neither does anyone else. Please take your ancient medieval philosophies elsewhere.

You'll be wanting to burn witches next.

Have you ever noticed that most of the super cool people you meet don't have to even say anything, like Samurai Scrote? Exactly.

Now piss off, I have a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 to share with Medusa who I hope brought the dixie cups. I'll be the guy wearing the thong made from a pound of broken safety glass wrapped in stingray leather.
 

@Jean Claude

I don't know if that mental picture will haunt me or make me laugh every time I picture it. Priceless. And to your story about the tat, even fucking better. One of my friends/old roommates does my tattoos, I love hearing those stories. I hope you took a picture of him pissing himself, and then when he comes back just tat that on him. Or knowing guys like him, he'll want some stupid Chinese character crap that you can just tell him says "I'm a stud" when it really says "I piss myself like a little girl."

@Anon

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry, empty challenges from Anons make me bust up. It takes one to know one; we all have had douchie experiences that we've either delved into or have witnessed firsthand. That's all it takes to be able to identify and hate a douchebag. Now go back to your homework before Mom takes away your internet privileges.
 

First off, Flyteeth, stop pretending to be other people. -It is perfectly ok to be you.

2nd: Mr. Jay Louis does not have a tiny dick. The last time I saw it, it was at least 6.5 inches.


-in diameter.
 

First off, Flyteeth, stop pretending to be other people. -It is perfectly ok to be you.

2nd: Mr. Jay Louis does not have a tiny dick. The last time I saw it, it was at least 6.5 inches.


-in diameter.
 

urg. slow interwebs. sry for dbl post.
(apparently router gods thought it bore repeating)
 

@Ashfish

First of all...marry me? Ok at least join me and Medusa in some of this fine redneck wine that causes hairs to mysteriously spontaneously sprout forth from the chest and taint.

As for the Chinese character that says "I piss myself like a little girl" it's already taken...by me...on my inner thigh...wanna see?
 

Wonky, are you saying Flyteeth = aNDY? Tarmal, man - there's no reference to anyone being a "FAGAOTH"!
 

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

@Jean

Sweet! Yours will go with the "Aim Here" on my lower back. I'll just bring some Nair with me and we can have a hair removal party after we finish the bottle.
 

oH aNDY, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU? sO SAD HOW YOU CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND HOW TO USE A KEYBOARD PROPERLY, MUCH LESS SPELL CORRECTLY. wILL YOU EVER GROW UP? wILL YOU EVER LEARN? aNDY, PLEASE, PLEASE GO KILL YOURSELF BY TAKING A FLYING LEAP OFF A CLIFF AT A REMOTE LOCATION IN THE aRIZONA dESERT WHILE EATING ROTTEN SPINACH SPICED WITH URINE, DANDRUFF, AND PUBIC HAIR. oR, JUST KEEP SHOWING UP ON hOTCHICKSWITHdOUCHEBAGS.COM SO i CAN KEEP MAKING FUN OF YOUR PATHETIC ASS.
 

@Ashfish

Deal. And I have pretty good aim to be sure! Also, that is the hottest thing anyone has said to me since I tattooed my ex and I told her to calm her nerves: "Just think about it like the first time you had sex." and she replied, "Daddy is this wrong?".
 

You know, I've really itching for a good fight these days. But nobody will fight me.

But now this assgoblin actually sounds serious. Give me his address, I'll fly out. From Kentucky. And we will engage in fisticuffs. Then I'll mock his hat-tilt.

Because hat-tilts deserve mocking.
 

Hey cAndy - here's a clue: DB1 may be postin' your pic, bUt yEr FRIENDS ARE SENDING THEM TO HIM.

For free.
 

Funny thing.

aNDY WAS ON THE MAILING LIST FOR ABOUT 100 GAY PORN SITES.

sEEMS HE WAS REALLY INTO GETTING PICS OF COCKS MAILED TO HIM.

iF HE WASN'T BEFORE, HE IS NOW.
 

where is scottsdale?
 

@ DoucheBag1

Please DO NOT allow aNDY's email address to fall in to the wrong hands. It would be horrible!!

Some (all) of the 'bag hunters would put aNDY on every gay, bi, homo, pedophile, NAMBLA, midget-sex, etc. mailing list out there.

It would not be fair to aNDY, all he did is express his humble opinion, and invite you to his fair city for some man-on-man and anal play.

Please do not post his email address, somewhere below this post. I beg of you, don't do it!!

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

@ Anon 7:18

"Where is Scottsdale?"

Anon, Scottsdale is a mystical place, a place where white kids dress and act like gang-bangers, and then scurry home to beat the 10:00 p.m. curfew imposed by their parents that are struggling to make it on $250k per year.

They creep the hallways of brand-new schools spouting catch phrases associated with gangs such as the bloodZ and the cripZ, and telling each other how kewl they are.

Yikes, I am sad.

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

Obvious troll is obvious
 

Please be advised, I have posted pictures of some of these "hardened gangsters", Here, here, and here.

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

@ Anon 7:40

BTW Anon, is this your gangster pic?

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

I AMNOT ANDY!@ IO WOULD TAMRL HIS FAGOATH ASS@ IWTH A LOUISVILLE SLUGHGER COVERED IWTH BROKEN GLASS GOF RTALKING SH!T AOBUT DB1#!
 

Anon, Scottsdale is a mystical place, a place where white kids dress and act like gang-bangers, and then scurry home to beat the 10:00 p.m. curfew imposed by their parents that are struggling to make it on $250k per year. They creep the hallways of brand-new schools spouting catch phrases associated with gangs such as the bloodZ and the cripZ, and telling each other how kewl they are.
 

@ Gragery 8:21

nice re-direct ass-munch.

ASvB
 

Damn it Flyteeth, WTF is Tamrl??

ASvB

BTW, aNDY sUCKS pENIS,
true story
 

c'mon guys the guy in the pic isn't necessarily aNDY. regular readers know this. he might be but usually DB1 just throws up a pic for our viewing (dis)pleasure
 

@ Jean Claude
Are you hitting on my wife?

@ Ash
Is Jean Claude hitting on you?

@ Jean Claude
I actually no longer drink. But Ash does. A lot. And she gets really sloppy when she does. How do you think I got her to marry me in the first place?

@ Ash
Merry Christmas. I got you a horny dude in a broken glass thong and he comes with a free bottle of MD 20/20! Now, both of you hold still while I spray ya with this non-stick cooking oil and we'll get down to business here.
 

Scottsdale is a semi-neat enough place that Mayo Clinic decided to build their second Clinic there.

They built their third in Jacksonville, FL, for the record.

It gets mighty cold at their original location in Rochester, MN.
I spent 27 days in the hospital up there in late December and most of Jamuary one time. SUB-ZERO-COLD.

Just a reality check on American cities...and aNDY here needs spellcheck...and a head-check. And if Mayo would take him, perhaps an ass-hole check. They just might have to extricate his head from his asshole.....

I'm sure they've seen plenty of those.
 

I can't comprehend his usage pattern of capital and lower case letters. I think it might be a prison cipher of some sort.

Actually! That's really funny! He seems to be inconsistently forgetting to capitalize the first letters of words. This has several implications:

1) He's capitalizing his letters using the SHIFT key, which means:
2) He hasn't figured out what the capslock key does yet, or he's just in a total rage.
3) When he hits the spacebar, he seems to think he needs to take his hands off the shift key.

This makes him really, really dumb.

Thank you for reading, old friends.
 

And now I want to know which one of you created the Blogger account with "that email address." C'mon, 'fess up! Or at least post something.....
 

Apparently scottsdale millionaires (which by the way douche-head, if you were one , you could spell it) write on the walls of their one bedroom efficiencies when they are not taking 'roids. And by scottsdale p@ssy he apparently means the mannequin in the brett favre jersey. She almost looks lifelike... which means aNdy is actually andrew mcarthy jr, illegitimate son of 80's brat packer OD (original douce).
 

Gragery=spurs fan
 

Doesn't aNDY & HJBBAD start to sound like they're the same person?

Or is it just my post holiday funk...
 

'Bagery has the ability to copy and paste! Holy shit! Do wonders never cease?

Tool.
 

UM where's the hot chick????
 

@Beautiful


The girl could be hot, but we'd need a better angle. She get's a pass for having a shitty camera man. And a pile of poo in the background.
 

aNDY now is learning to love the fine art of bestiality as well as automatic updates from Pirates of the Caribbean online, WoW, Apple, Windows, and basically every other mailing list I could find. I also sent him a nice e-mail asking him to come challenge us on the page. No response yet.
 

aNDY aka "the Persian Prince" aka "the Scottsdale Scroti" better known as Nik Richie.
 

The fembot in the Favre jersey has longer fingers than Arsenio Hall.
 

andy is not a douchebag. He is a DICK-BAG. that is all.
 

Andy is obviously a Professor of English Classics at some Ivy League University, when not engaging in his real passion: demonstrating his 26 IQ and 4th grade vocabulary on the world wide web.
 

I still think any douchebag's bragging about real man status are null and void until at least one verifiable testimony comes forth from a hott he's banging.
 

Dear aNDY,
Given your letter, I feel I must inform you of an important technological advancement called the "caps lock" key. You apparently hit it at one point, but, not knowing of its existence, did not turn it off. It is located directly to the left of the "a" key.
-Blondie

Good god that was almost as bad as reading a Courtney Love blog. The only ass this douchebag is getting is when his hand accidentally bumps into someone else's butt while in the line at Super WalMart. Most of us ladies put literacy and the ability to turn the caps lock key off pretty high on our "looking for" list
 

Hate to break it to you city folk, but they're playing beer pong in the pic.

@Blondie-
Certainly aNDY is the Mr. Darcy of our era. He is the epitome of every woman's desire; we apparently just don't know it yet...

The high-intensity doucheness of this email has caused me to be on bathroom floor at Am-Pm; cradling my bottle of Boone's and sobbing over "The Rainbow".

-Guy LaDouche
 

Scrotesdale?
 

Confirmed douche. I feel sorry for him though as it appears he has some type of Tourettes.

Her, on the other hand, exhibits all the symptoms of Douchism by Association. A common disorder that causes you to wear stupid hats, oversized football jerseys, and bleach/fry your hair.
 

Red Cups and Roomsticks
 

What a beautiful home.
 

Living proof that parents should be able to have an abortion in the adult years. What an illiterate fucktard
 

Do steroids make you scribble on your own walls?

The answer, unfortunately, seems to be yes.


And did he really call DB1 a "Jerky-Boy"? lol WTF

-Wop
 

While Mexico in recent years has been a mark of economic stability in Latin America, the recent security situation in Mexico this past year and activities by the US to stop Mexico from becoming the next Drug War has pushed the US to form a smaller version of a Plan Colombia, spending millions on anti-narcotics support and advice for Mexico and Calderon’s administration.
 

It's because it is the most fun! One team sends their vehicles into the enemy walls and the entire thing plays out like a Medieval Total War match. It is a war, after all. Not some minigame where you have to save the flag from a castle and bring it back to your castle for some blue flag-on- red flag interracial action