Monday, December 15, 2008
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year
Voting is now open for the 2008 Douchie Award for Celebrity HCwDB of the Year:
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple
The fact that sports illustrated swimsuit model and all-around teeth melting cutie Marissa Miller has chosen not just to cohabitate, but to marry a human ass pimple, has been a plague on our culture all year.
Witness the progression, here, here, here, here and here.
The fact that rectus-hair here actually tattooed Marissa Miller's face on his arm makes him even more the douchey hangers-on type that Hollywood has crawling all over it.
I want to spray Raid in his face.
Then lick her upper thigh area like a hyper-stimulated orangutan in an illegal experiment involving radiation that Matthrew Broderick is desperately trying to stop.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: Spencer and Heidi from MTV's "The Hills"
I haven't featured a lot of pics of these two on the site because calling them a classic 'Bag/'Baguette hottie/douchey coupling would be like observing that ebola is a virus.
Spencer has that classically generic, ethereal 'bagdom.
Not really sporting annoying tatts, no bling nor outrageous hair (although definite douche-scruff), Spencer's poo comes from within like a shining E.T. heartlight.
Where's Neil Diamond to sing when you need him?
Heidi's got fake boobs and fake everything, but I'd still crawl through a pile of angry fire ants just for the chance to shake the finger of the plastic hand that broke off her childhood Barbie.
Hmm. That fantasy is kinda creepy.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Criss "Poo Face" Angel and Assorted Hotts
Not since the great amateur magician Dr. Hooker fooled Houdini with his "Rising Cards" has a magician bedazzled a viewing audience with his ability to do the impossible.
And by impossible, I mean date anyone other than a lobotized farm animal.
This means you, Criss "Poo Face" Angel.
Witness the magical run of squatitude that began in January and continued here, here, here, here, here and here.
I'm not sure when prestidigitation got this pooey. Just saw the lady in half and link the rings, Crissy.
No need to turn yourself into a homeless half-crazed glue sniffing crack addict with rickets.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #4: The Portman and the Yeti
Because anyone who wears ironic "Cats" t-shirts in foreign languages needs to be gang-raped by a prison gang from Catmandu.
Natalie's Semitic pixie hottness has long revved my motor like a clean burning Mr. Fusion installed by Doc Brown.
Portman smells like lilacs and we'd lie in bed playing with a feather duster and lightly discuss the genius of Tom Baker's Doctor Who while sleeping in on a Sunday.
Since broken up, the Portman and the Yeti still haunt my subconscious like a Lacan mirror stage schism between self and Otherness.
Beginning in April and continuing all summer here and here, even the subsequent breakup does not console me.
For Portman must don librarian glasses and yell at me for returning my books late. And I'd pay the fine.
So them's your four. (Dis)honorable mention to Elisha Cuthbert and the newly unemployed Sean Avery, and also to Mayerbag and Aniston, whom I left off because while Mayerbag is my arch enemy, Aniston just isn't that hot these days. Hate to say it, but you know I'm right.
Which coupling deserves to win the 2008 Douchie?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple
The fact that sports illustrated swimsuit model and all-around teeth melting cutie Marissa Miller has chosen not just to cohabitate, but to marry a human ass pimple, has been a plague on our culture all year.
Witness the progression, here, here, here, here and here.
The fact that rectus-hair here actually tattooed Marissa Miller's face on his arm makes him even more the douchey hangers-on type that Hollywood has crawling all over it.
I want to spray Raid in his face.
Then lick her upper thigh area like a hyper-stimulated orangutan in an illegal experiment involving radiation that Matthrew Broderick is desperately trying to stop.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: Spencer and Heidi from MTV's "The Hills"
I haven't featured a lot of pics of these two on the site because calling them a classic 'Bag/'Baguette hottie/douchey coupling would be like observing that ebola is a virus.
Spencer has that classically generic, ethereal 'bagdom.
Not really sporting annoying tatts, no bling nor outrageous hair (although definite douche-scruff), Spencer's poo comes from within like a shining E.T. heartlight.
Where's Neil Diamond to sing when you need him?
Heidi's got fake boobs and fake everything, but I'd still crawl through a pile of angry fire ants just for the chance to shake the finger of the plastic hand that broke off her childhood Barbie.
Hmm. That fantasy is kinda creepy.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Criss "Poo Face" Angel and Assorted Hotts
Not since the great amateur magician Dr. Hooker fooled Houdini with his "Rising Cards" has a magician bedazzled a viewing audience with his ability to do the impossible.
And by impossible, I mean date anyone other than a lobotized farm animal.
This means you, Criss "Poo Face" Angel.
Witness the magical run of squatitude that began in January and continued here, here, here, here, here and here.
I'm not sure when prestidigitation got this pooey. Just saw the lady in half and link the rings, Crissy.
No need to turn yourself into a homeless half-crazed glue sniffing crack addict with rickets.
Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Finalist #4: The Portman and the Yeti
Because anyone who wears ironic "Cats" t-shirts in foreign languages needs to be gang-raped by a prison gang from Catmandu.
Natalie's Semitic pixie hottness has long revved my motor like a clean burning Mr. Fusion installed by Doc Brown.
Portman smells like lilacs and we'd lie in bed playing with a feather duster and lightly discuss the genius of Tom Baker's Doctor Who while sleeping in on a Sunday.
Since broken up, the Portman and the Yeti still haunt my subconscious like a Lacan mirror stage schism between self and Otherness.
Beginning in April and continuing all summer here and here, even the subsequent breakup does not console me.
For Portman must don librarian glasses and yell at me for returning my books late. And I'd pay the fine.
So them's your four. (Dis)honorable mention to Elisha Cuthbert and the newly unemployed Sean Avery, and also to Mayerbag and Aniston, whom I left off because while Mayerbag is my arch enemy, Aniston just isn't that hot these days. Hate to say it, but you know I'm right.
Which coupling deserves to win the 2008 Douchie?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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Fuck it - throw a shoe at all of them!
Gotta go with Marissa and the Ass Pimple. She's still somewhat redeemable, perhaps, while Heidi and Spencerbag just aren't. Criss Angel is just a douche who doesn't couple with a particular hott, and if Natalie's not with the Yeti, they're DQ'd.
Gotta go with Marissa and the Ass Pimple. She's still somewhat redeemable, perhaps, while Heidi and Spencerbag just aren't. Criss Angel is just a douche who doesn't couple with a particular hott, and if Natalie's not with the Yeti, they're DQ'd.
I wish they could all be losers, but if I must vote for one it's The Yeti. While he is not as icky-gross at Criss Angel, not as nauseating as ass-pimple and not as desperate-for-attention as Spencer, the Yeti surely doesn't deserve the scrumptious Natalie Portman. She has not been infected by the Bleeth Virus, as the other women in the nominated photos have clearly been.
# posted by 
: 2:19 PM
: 2:19 PM
Portman and Chewie. Man that guy looks like an ass. Corona scarf, WTF?!? What's this I hear about Aniston now? Yeah, I guess you're right. Dammit.
# posted by : 2:22 PM
: 2:22 PM
before my vacation, i voted for spencer and heidi, and i still stand by my vote.
but db1, i asked in the last thread before i saw this one was up, are mccain/palin in the running for a douchey? would they be considered celebrities for this category? or is there a "douchiest/hottest political ticket of the year" award?
and please, no more stupid goddamn political arguments here.
but db1, i asked in the last thread before i saw this one was up, are mccain/palin in the running for a douchey? would they be considered celebrities for this category? or is there a "douchiest/hottest political ticket of the year" award?
and please, no more stupid goddamn political arguments here.
That Yeti is Devandra Banhart, not very douchey in realy life but definatly in this picture
# posted by : 2:31 PM
: 2:31 PM
KILL.THEM.ALL.NOW.
but since i can only pick one i'll take Long Island's favorite douche spawn
Christopher Nicholas Sarantakos
FTW
but since i can only pick one i'll take Long Island's favorite douche spawn
Christopher Nicholas Sarantakos
FTW
Jesus....this is almost as hard as when I had to choose whether or not to keep doing meth. I was skinny, but my teeth were starting to fall out. it was like what to do, ya know?
I suppose in this case I have to go with Spencer and Heidi. seeing as I nominated them and all.
I suppose in this case I have to go with Spencer and Heidi. seeing as I nominated them and all.
Heidi has the jawline of Marv, the Mickey Rourke character in Sin City.
Criss Angel's douche is hard to top, but he gets a little bit of credit for having a profession.
That leaves Natalie/Yeti and Marissa Miller/Ass Pimple.
I vote boobies.
Marissa Miller/Ass Pimple FTW.
Criss Angel's douche is hard to top, but he gets a little bit of credit for having a profession.
That leaves Natalie/Yeti and Marissa Miller/Ass Pimple.
I vote boobies.
Marissa Miller/Ass Pimple FTW.
# posted by : 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM
Criss Angel. The fact that you spell your first name "Criss" (tool) makes up for your total disregard of fake gang-signs
Debating my vote, but you can't look at the cover of the new GQ and tell me she's not still hot. I mean, just look at her: http://men.style.com/gq
# posted by : 2:39 PM
: 2:39 PM
@DB1, I've never been a big Aniston supporter, either but her shoot for this month's GQ is quite... damn.
This one's kind tough. Douche I hate the most: Crissy Poo Face running away with it. Couple I hate the most: The Malibu Barbi and Ken doll. Couple that most pisses me off: Well, Marissa Miller probably has one of the top 4 best bodies on planet Earth. And her husband has a goddamn motherfucking FAUXHAWK! Why?
Marissa and Ass Pimple FTW. It's the right dialectic.
This one's kind tough. Douche I hate the most: Crissy Poo Face running away with it. Couple I hate the most: The Malibu Barbi and Ken doll. Couple that most pisses me off: Well, Marissa Miller probably has one of the top 4 best bodies on planet Earth. And her husband has a goddamn motherfucking FAUXHAWK! Why?
Marissa and Ass Pimple FTW. It's the right dialectic.
# posted by : 2:41 PM
: 2:41 PM
Criss Angel. If you have had any awful chance to see his show you would agree. The pic DB1 picked for this vote also wins. Corsett wearing hott makes me want to jump off a bridge if it would impress her enough to be her chaufer for one half hour.
# posted by : 2:45 PM
: 2:45 PM
Are we voting on the couple or on the strength of the douche? Admin's cop-out on the hott portion of the Criss Angel side of the equation seems to suggest that we should smell the poo before looking for the flower. But if we are supposed to seek balance I'd have to vote for Ass Pimple. He looks like he'd take a leak on the Mona Lisa if given a chance. He looks like he'd roll in a pile of animal crap right before he'd roll on her just to see if he could get away with it. Fuck you Pimple! I'd like to skin that arm, deep fry it and serve it to you as chitterlings. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
But my vote has to go to Cris Angel, this undeserving shitbag is nailing more hot tail than anyone in the entertainment industry and look at him, just fucking look at him. He looks like he smells like shit, has this bastard ever taken a shower? Do the world a favor and mix in some Dial or Comet or Napalm. If grease were money Cris would be Bill Gates. Oh and fuck you!
But my vote has to go to Cris Angel, this undeserving shitbag is nailing more hot tail than anyone in the entertainment industry and look at him, just fucking look at him. He looks like he smells like shit, has this bastard ever taken a shower? Do the world a favor and mix in some Dial or Comet or Napalm. If grease were money Cris would be Bill Gates. Oh and fuck you!
I have to go with Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple on this one.
HE TATTOOED HER FACE ON HIS BODY!
And if that's not enough, he rocks a giant Williamsburg Taco, and napkin to boot.
Spencer and Heidi, just what you see every day in Hollywood. Nothing special here.
Criss Angel and his Assorted Hotts, yea he's got the Greico Virus alright, and some of his filthy Vegas whores...well, I'd pay just to see them. And by see them I mean, scientifically experiment the angular momentum of boob/semen ratio.
The Portman and the Yeti don''t particularly piss me off, he's just a bohemian hipster wannabe, and I rather enjoy seeing her frolic around in her undergarments ala "V for Vendetta", hell yea I paused it when she was in that cute schoolgirl outfit! But I digress...
Ass Pimple exhibits a flaw in both logic and intelligence when stalking a celebrity hott, and it's going to hurt like hell when he has to get that shit lasered off! And Marissa will dump him for Hugh Heffner next year, I just know it.
Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple FTW!!!
HE TATTOOED HER FACE ON HIS BODY!
And if that's not enough, he rocks a giant Williamsburg Taco, and napkin to boot.
Spencer and Heidi, just what you see every day in Hollywood. Nothing special here.
Criss Angel and his Assorted Hotts, yea he's got the Greico Virus alright, and some of his filthy Vegas whores...well, I'd pay just to see them. And by see them I mean, scientifically experiment the angular momentum of boob/semen ratio.
The Portman and the Yeti don''t particularly piss me off, he's just a bohemian hipster wannabe, and I rather enjoy seeing her frolic around in her undergarments ala "V for Vendetta", hell yea I paused it when she was in that cute schoolgirl outfit! But I digress...
Ass Pimple exhibits a flaw in both logic and intelligence when stalking a celebrity hott, and it's going to hurt like hell when he has to get that shit lasered off! And Marissa will dump him for Hugh Heffner next year, I just know it.
Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple FTW!!!
Douchiest Celebrity Couple has to be Spencer and Heidi. They have the combined intelligence of a porpoise blow hole. The earth warms and the ozone depletes with each largely incoherent word they utter. They are mental midgets.
Spencer and Heidi should only lose this category if we aren’t allowed to vote for retards. Fuck political correctness. I’m voting for the retards anyway.
Without retards and midgets, I’d have nothing to point and laugh at when I’m doing my Christmas shopping.
Spencer and Heidi should only lose this category if we aren’t allowed to vote for retards. Fuck political correctness. I’m voting for the retards anyway.
Without retards and midgets, I’d have nothing to point and laugh at when I’m doing my Christmas shopping.
Since these are celebrities and we know them a bit more personally, we can judge beyond douchey appearance.
Criss Angel facts:
Sells his tricks at the Luxor in Vegas.
Is actually dating Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend.
Divorced his ex wife for Cameron Diaz, subsequently subpoena'd on charges of mental cruelty and abandonment
Extremely douchey and mediocre musician: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAidI5fXKhI
Criss 4thewin hes a sweaty disgusting douche and i hate him
Criss Angel facts:
Sells his tricks at the Luxor in Vegas.
Is actually dating Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend.
Divorced his ex wife for Cameron Diaz, subsequently subpoena'd on charges of mental cruelty and abandonment
Extremely douchey and mediocre musician: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAidI5fXKhI
Criss 4thewin hes a sweaty disgusting douche and i hate him
# posted by : 2:52 PM
: 2:52 PM
So much douche, so little time.
Let me start off by saying I LOATHE "The Hills" and everything and everyone that's in it. They are douche/bleeth by association. So that in and of itself pushes them down the list a bit. I had a roommate who was from Riverside and loved this show, I wanted to jab my eyes out with our icepick every time it came on.
Criss poo and assorted hotts. I think she is just lovely. I would risk my sanity by sneaking into their suit after he has made her give him head and then instructed her to make him an enema of club soda and peroxide, and steal her top and necklace. When she asks him in the morning where her clothing has gone he will say "I'm a magician bitch!" and she would laugh and reply with "Is that how you made your boner disappear last night before you could fuck me?" To which he would get introspective and tear up a bit. He would confide in her "No, I actually just have a secret thing for guys. It's why I must pretend to be all that is macho with my stupid looking hats and too much bling." Then he would weep into her lap while being confused because he should be turned on at the prospect of being so close to her crotch but girl vagina is icky to gay men. But a hot hott alone does not a douchiest couple make.
Portman and the Yeti. Perhaps I'm just odd, but she just doesn't do it for me. He makes me want to fill his manpurse with bricks and hit him over the head until his skull is but a pile of mush on the sidewalk. I'd then place his scarf thing over the blood for her to walk over. Just cause she doesn't do it for me doesn't mean I don't like her. The rest of his body will be donated to science.
Last, but certainly not least, is Marissa Miller and the Ass Pimple. This is the ticket right here. He has slowly turned her into a bleeth, and for that I cannot excuse him. Straight to the top of the pack for couple of the year. She starts off sweet and innocent, even if she is blond. And then he just wipes his taint all over her. Literally and figuratively. It's just wrong to watch and I cannot excuse it. Miller and Pimple FTW.
Let me start off by saying I LOATHE "The Hills" and everything and everyone that's in it. They are douche/bleeth by association. So that in and of itself pushes them down the list a bit. I had a roommate who was from Riverside and loved this show, I wanted to jab my eyes out with our icepick every time it came on.
Criss poo and assorted hotts. I think she is just lovely. I would risk my sanity by sneaking into their suit after he has made her give him head and then instructed her to make him an enema of club soda and peroxide, and steal her top and necklace. When she asks him in the morning where her clothing has gone he will say "I'm a magician bitch!" and she would laugh and reply with "Is that how you made your boner disappear last night before you could fuck me?" To which he would get introspective and tear up a bit. He would confide in her "No, I actually just have a secret thing for guys. It's why I must pretend to be all that is macho with my stupid looking hats and too much bling." Then he would weep into her lap while being confused because he should be turned on at the prospect of being so close to her crotch but girl vagina is icky to gay men. But a hot hott alone does not a douchiest couple make.
Portman and the Yeti. Perhaps I'm just odd, but she just doesn't do it for me. He makes me want to fill his manpurse with bricks and hit him over the head until his skull is but a pile of mush on the sidewalk. I'd then place his scarf thing over the blood for her to walk over. Just cause she doesn't do it for me doesn't mean I don't like her. The rest of his body will be donated to science.
Last, but certainly not least, is Marissa Miller and the Ass Pimple. This is the ticket right here. He has slowly turned her into a bleeth, and for that I cannot excuse him. Straight to the top of the pack for couple of the year. She starts off sweet and innocent, even if she is blond. And then he just wipes his taint all over her. Literally and figuratively. It's just wrong to watch and I cannot excuse it. Miller and Pimple FTW.
Marissa Miller would give a eunuch snowman a boner. Ass Pimple deserves to be stuck in a Turkish prison until his asshole looks like a sick doughnut.
Marissa Miller/asspimple FTW
Marissa Miller/asspimple FTW
Here's my take (again):
Many swimsuit models are, how do I put this mildly, not so bright. There are some notable exceptions, but let's face facts. It is a rare woman that dons a bikini for SI on her way to realign the Large Hadron Collider. That being said, we can feel sorry for poor Marissa, but really, swimsuit models ending up with douchebags is sort of how the universe works. Men are douchebags to attract swimsuit models, and swimsuit models, for some reason, can't resist the choad. This sort of pairing can't really be avoided, so the disappointment for all of us is not as great, therefore, may Marissa be happy with her Ass Pimple and well move on.
Ah, Speidi. They're both douchebags. That's all I'll say about them.
Criss Angel is a megadouche. I used to like his show, but I can't watch it now because I don't like douchebags and I don't want one on my TV, especially not in HDTV glory. I know why women date him, but let's examine the evidence: none of his arm candy is actually STAYING with him. Could it be that Criss Angel is such an enormous douchebag that no one, not even the most vapid, eye-batting suckle-thigh can stand him? I'm thinking so...
Poor Natalie. She is hott and clearly has terrible taste in men. However, full marks for breaking up with the wanker.
So my vote goes to Criss Angel and (random hott). Really, people like him shouldn't be allowed to touch the opposite sex.
As a postscript to my vote, I disagree, DB1, that Aniston is not hot. I mean, I wouldn't kick her out of bed. She was always a bit chinny for my tastes, but she looks great in (just) a tie.
Many swimsuit models are, how do I put this mildly, not so bright. There are some notable exceptions, but let's face facts. It is a rare woman that dons a bikini for SI on her way to realign the Large Hadron Collider. That being said, we can feel sorry for poor Marissa, but really, swimsuit models ending up with douchebags is sort of how the universe works. Men are douchebags to attract swimsuit models, and swimsuit models, for some reason, can't resist the choad. This sort of pairing can't really be avoided, so the disappointment for all of us is not as great, therefore, may Marissa be happy with her Ass Pimple and well move on.
Ah, Speidi. They're both douchebags. That's all I'll say about them.
Criss Angel is a megadouche. I used to like his show, but I can't watch it now because I don't like douchebags and I don't want one on my TV, especially not in HDTV glory. I know why women date him, but let's examine the evidence: none of his arm candy is actually STAYING with him. Could it be that Criss Angel is such an enormous douchebag that no one, not even the most vapid, eye-batting suckle-thigh can stand him? I'm thinking so...
Poor Natalie. She is hott and clearly has terrible taste in men. However, full marks for breaking up with the wanker.
So my vote goes to Criss Angel and (random hott). Really, people like him shouldn't be allowed to touch the opposite sex.
As a postscript to my vote, I disagree, DB1, that Aniston is not hot. I mean, I wouldn't kick her out of bed. She was always a bit chinny for my tastes, but she looks great in (just) a tie.
# posted by : 2:53 PM
: 2:53 PM
Since I've had the displeasure of actually seeing these two interact on television, I'm gonna have to go with Spencer and Heidi.
Every time those two have sex a baby is diagnosed with cancer.
Every time those two have sex a baby is diagnosed with cancer.
# posted by : 2:54 PM
: 2:54 PM
if we have to balance out:
a) celebrity status
b) hott
c) douchebag
then i'm going to have to vote for Marissa Miller. deep down i feel that Criss Angel has the most douchebag power (but since almost none of his hotties are celebrities it kinda takes the winds out of his bid in this award), and that Natalie Portman has the most star power (but her bag, lacking the gayhawk and tattoos of Marissa's husband, loses out on the douchebag factor, not to mention that Natalie ain't quite as hot as Marissa). as for Heidi and Spencer, they just come across as Marissa & Hubby wannabes. they're on MTV for crying out loud.
so in sum, i cast a rather difficult vote for Marissa Miller and rectus-hair bag.
a) celebrity status
b) hott
c) douchebag
then i'm going to have to vote for Marissa Miller. deep down i feel that Criss Angel has the most douchebag power (but since almost none of his hotties are celebrities it kinda takes the winds out of his bid in this award), and that Natalie Portman has the most star power (but her bag, lacking the gayhawk and tattoos of Marissa's husband, loses out on the douchebag factor, not to mention that Natalie ain't quite as hot as Marissa). as for Heidi and Spencer, they just come across as Marissa & Hubby wannabes. they're on MTV for crying out loud.
so in sum, i cast a rather difficult vote for Marissa Miller and rectus-hair bag.
This is like picking whether you want to eat monkey shit or dog shit. It's all shit.
Just shit. Nothing but shit. A shit by any other name is still just a piece of shit.
However, in an age when useless tools get to marry supermodels, we must recognize the achievements of said useless tools. By scrawling their names on the wall with feces. Shit, if you will.
So, there you go.
Just shit. Nothing but shit. A shit by any other name is still just a piece of shit.
However, in an age when useless tools get to marry supermodels, we must recognize the achievements of said useless tools. By scrawling their names on the wall with feces. Shit, if you will.
So, there you go.
I have to go with Criss Angel...even though he does some really cool card tricks.
# posted by : 3:01 PM
: 3:01 PM
It's hard to be mad about Natalie and the Yeti, since they're rightfully broken up. It's also hard to be mad about Criss Angel's easily fooled vapid hotts, because I don't know anything about them, other than that they're easily fooled. Spencer and Heidi deserve each other.
But Marissa and Ass Pimple... Never before Ass Pimple has an Ass Pimple made me hope so desperately that there was a God. And never before has a coupling like this made me so sure that there wasn't.
MM&AP FTW
-Scrothello
But Marissa and Ass Pimple... Never before Ass Pimple has an Ass Pimple made me hope so desperately that there was a God. And never before has a coupling like this made me so sure that there wasn't.
MM&AP FTW
-Scrothello
# posted by : 3:02 PM
: 3:02 PM
God, I can't even choose.
Um.......
Oh...........
Okay, fine.......
I'm going with Criss "Poo face" Angel
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
Um.......
Oh...........
Okay, fine.......
I'm going with Criss "Poo face" Angel
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
# posted by : 3:04 PM
: 3:04 PM
Has to be Marisa Miller and Ass Pimple. Miller's one of the hottest, if not the hottest, women on the planet, and not only did the guy tattoo her on his arm, he is wearing a scarf, 2008's douchiest accessory!
# posted by : 3:11 PM
: 3:11 PM
Criss Angel, but only if the Douchie comes with a hot meal, a shower, and a cot.
# posted by : 3:13 PM
: 3:13 PM
Ugh. Thanks for the reminder of how empty-headed most celebrities are. Like we need to be reminded.
Anyway......
I'm going to make an executive decision and vote for the biggest D-bag, cause let's face it, all the girls here are hotts.
Drum Roll.... "The envelope please."
Wait, there is no envelope; The audience gasps. It's been spirited into the ether by the lame magician whose name was therein:
#3: Criss Angel FTW
Anyway......
I'm going to make an executive decision and vote for the biggest D-bag, cause let's face it, all the girls here are hotts.
Drum Roll.... "The envelope please."
Wait, there is no envelope; The audience gasps. It's been spirited into the ether by the lame magician whose name was therein:
#3: Criss Angel FTW
# posted by : 3:14 PM
: 3:14 PM
I don't know who Marissa Miller is and I don't care. I care even less about that horse-faced ballsniffer who got her portrait tattooed on his arm. Yeah, good luck with the cover-up on that one next year, ass pipe. Either way, I would have thought she was Carmen Electra if no one else told me otherwise. All those runny gashes look the same to me, as do their douchey counterparts. Fuck them.
My vote still goes to Criss Angel. That man is Scrote enough for two, he doesn't need a chick to won "Douchiest Celeb Couple." He looks like he rolled out fo a dumpster on Three Mile Island. Part arachnid, part tobacco spittle and part cleaning rag, he makes me run for the shower just at the mention of his name.
Criss Angel and [fill in the blank] FTW!
My vote still goes to Criss Angel. That man is Scrote enough for two, he doesn't need a chick to won "Douchiest Celeb Couple." He looks like he rolled out fo a dumpster on Three Mile Island. Part arachnid, part tobacco spittle and part cleaning rag, he makes me run for the shower just at the mention of his name.
Criss Angel and [fill in the blank] FTW!
@Mr. Biggs
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He can stage one of his illusions by staying submerged in the actual douchebag for 24 hours. Only to then be used on the great Xenu's ass. Once finished and thrown away Samurai Scrote will walk into the bathroom drunkenly, mistake the trash can for the toilet and piss on him. Ah, and the universe is in balance once again.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He can stage one of his illusions by staying submerged in the actual douchebag for 24 hours. Only to then be used on the great Xenu's ass. Once finished and thrown away Samurai Scrote will walk into the bathroom drunkenly, mistake the trash can for the toilet and piss on him. Ah, and the universe is in balance once again.
#3, Criss Angel and assorted hotts FTW. Good god...this guy is the epitome of celebrity douche.
The Spencer and Heidi combo does make me gag, but in this case, the win should clearly go to the man with the most maltese cross pant-leg appliques.
The Spencer and Heidi combo does make me gag, but in this case, the win should clearly go to the man with the most maltese cross pant-leg appliques.
# posted by : 3:27 PM
: 3:27 PM
I vote Criss Angel trumps these other mega-tools because he has a uber-shitty cirque du soleil show in Las Vegas. He didn't even get one star from any of the critics. NOT EVEN HALF A STAR. Both he and his show blow goats and eat cow patties.
Criss Angel...easily. Watching the muppets being raped would be more pleasant than staring at this jackass. The fact that he has a veritable army of Hotts is even more infuriating.
# posted by : 3:30 PM
: 3:30 PM
Marisa Miller ftw- watching her slide into bleethdom may well be the end of me.
# posted by : 3:32 PM
: 3:32 PM
Portman's Yeti takes it. He ruined such a good thing for so many angst-causing moments.
Criss Angel is the worse douche-wise, but any (ahem) lady with him gets what she deserves. It's the degree of paternal distress we feel for the hott that makes the difference.
Criss Angel is the worse douche-wise, but any (ahem) lady with him gets what she deserves. It's the degree of paternal distress we feel for the hott that makes the difference.
# posted by : 3:35 PM
: 3:35 PM
Uhm yeah. Spencer and Heidi should get this award every year until they are dead or gone from sight. Creepy flesh colored beard guy is the only person I've ever seen on TV that I actually would punch in the face if I ever saw him in real life.
OK first to go:
Natalie and Yeti. She's not very bleethy, and he's a douchebag, but no where NEAR on the level of the other contenders. She is lurvely, he is "meh".
Next: Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple. Ass Pimple here is scrote on a stick. She is ultra-stupid, but not (yet) ultra bleeth. I think she takes her career seriously enough that she has resisted the more destructive infections of Greico (such as an affection for bathtub crank and coke). And yes, while Ass Pimple has all the brains god granted an earthworm, he is nowhere NEAR the uberdouche of Criss "Fuckwit" Angel. So, he gets a big plus of scrote, but Marissa just isn't kickin it up enough.
So, then it comes down to Speidi and Criss. Criss attracts bleeth like shit attracts flies.
But Speidi just reeks of everything that is wrong with society. So, is Heidi more bleethy than some two bit Vegas hooker? Um, no. Is Spencer more of a scat-eating freak than Criss? No. Therefore: the only logical conclusion is:
Criss Angel and (Jane Bleeth)
Natalie and Yeti. She's not very bleethy, and he's a douchebag, but no where NEAR on the level of the other contenders. She is lurvely, he is "meh".
Next: Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple. Ass Pimple here is scrote on a stick. She is ultra-stupid, but not (yet) ultra bleeth. I think she takes her career seriously enough that she has resisted the more destructive infections of Greico (such as an affection for bathtub crank and coke). And yes, while Ass Pimple has all the brains god granted an earthworm, he is nowhere NEAR the uberdouche of Criss "Fuckwit" Angel. So, he gets a big plus of scrote, but Marissa just isn't kickin it up enough.
So, then it comes down to Speidi and Criss. Criss attracts bleeth like shit attracts flies.
But Speidi just reeks of everything that is wrong with society. So, is Heidi more bleethy than some two bit Vegas hooker? Um, no. Is Spencer more of a scat-eating freak than Criss? No. Therefore: the only logical conclusion is:
Criss Angel and (Jane Bleeth)
# posted by : 3:47 PM
: 3:47 PM
Angelbag is a douche for the ages. Decades from now when our children look back at the start of this new millenium he will define the epitome of douche for this era in the same way that the less homicidal aspects of Patrick Bateman defined the yuppie in the 1980s.
I see him making a repeat next year. Criss Angel for the douche
I see him making a repeat next year. Criss Angel for the douche
# posted by : 3:49 PM
: 3:49 PM
I thought this would be the easiest category to choose, but the douchitude is strong on all of them.
However, Spencer & Heidi make me want to pummel baby guinea pigs with a bag of hammers. I hate them with the firepower of 1000 burning suns.
Speidi FTW.
However, Spencer & Heidi make me want to pummel baby guinea pigs with a bag of hammers. I hate them with the firepower of 1000 burning suns.
Speidi FTW.
There is no contest here. Chrisss Angel has created, from the ether, an entirely new dimension of Douche. The scrotosity we see is only a multi-dimensional shadow cast by Crisss's true form, from a higher plane of doucheal wankism we can't even detect. Nor would we want to.
# posted by : 4:00 PM
: 4:00 PM
Marissa and Ass Pimple is a Douche without a Hott, Portman and the Yeti have neither so they're immediately out of the running.
Criss Angel is the quintessential Douche, and his assorted array of Hotts truly speak to the genericism of the Douche/Hott dyad, but there can only be one winner...
Many celebrities are described as having "it", that ubiquitous, undescribable quality that sets them apart from us mere normal folk. Spencer Pratt has "it", what is "it"? You ask. Douchehood. He lacks the trademark tattoo or jewellery, and yet it seeps out of every pour, like feaces from a rusty old septic tank. He should be a role model to douches everywhere, showing the way to a minimalist approach, he's the Brian Eno of douchebags.
And Heidi... If that girl never said a word, only showed a sign of life in response to a question, if she did that then I could love her like only Ryan O'Neal would understand
VOTE: #2
Criss Angel is the quintessential Douche, and his assorted array of Hotts truly speak to the genericism of the Douche/Hott dyad, but there can only be one winner...
Many celebrities are described as having "it", that ubiquitous, undescribable quality that sets them apart from us mere normal folk. Spencer Pratt has "it", what is "it"? You ask. Douchehood. He lacks the trademark tattoo or jewellery, and yet it seeps out of every pour, like feaces from a rusty old septic tank. He should be a role model to douches everywhere, showing the way to a minimalist approach, he's the Brian Eno of douchebags.
And Heidi... If that girl never said a word, only showed a sign of life in response to a question, if she did that then I could love her like only Ryan O'Neal would understand
VOTE: #2
poo face
his name is even spelled like a douche, it's like his parents knew at birth what a d-bag he would turn into so they decided to spell his name c-r-i-s-s
his name is even spelled like a douche, it's like his parents knew at birth what a d-bag he would turn into so they decided to spell his name c-r-i-s-s
# posted by : 4:19 PM
: 4:19 PM
Spencer fills me with rage. Not only is he a douche but he is a sorry excuse for a human being, using charity events to pocket appearance fees and pimp their "career".
I hope he wins this award this year, and I hope he wins "Douchiest Celebrity Owned with a Craftsman Powertool" next year.
I hope he wins this award this year, and I hope he wins "Douchiest Celebrity Owned with a Craftsman Powertool" next year.
Marissa Miller and the Ass Pimple.
It's easy, he has the kind of face that would turn me off even if he wasn't all douched up. I mean, he's just funny-looking like a clown. Then he goes and clowns himself even more as a douchebag. Is he trying to hide his genetic clownliness? Well, it isn't working. No one is fooled. And then that lovely model Marissa, why is she hanging with this turd? Is her personality that bad that she has to settle for HIM???
Excuse me while I go throw up. All over THEM.
It's easy, he has the kind of face that would turn me off even if he wasn't all douched up. I mean, he's just funny-looking like a clown. Then he goes and clowns himself even more as a douchebag. Is he trying to hide his genetic clownliness? Well, it isn't working. No one is fooled. And then that lovely model Marissa, why is she hanging with this turd? Is her personality that bad that she has to settle for HIM???
Excuse me while I go throw up. All over THEM.
# posted by : 4:24 PM
: 4:24 PM
Heidi and Spencer cancel each other out. They need each other, otherwise their symbiotic famewankery cannot exist. I am ashamed that I know who they are, but I also know that if we, as a collective, quit paying attention, they will cease to exist. Hopefully in a boffo blue fire explosion. Sort of like that slobbery brain demon in Krull.
Criss Angel, I'll admit, I've seen him do some things that were pretty impressive. I really think David Blaine is a bigger fuckmonkey. At least Criss Angel's tricks aren't pretentious cries for attention*. While Angel is major league douche, his pulling of minor league Playmate trim really isn't that surprising. It is in fact expected.
I like saying fuckmonkey.
Natalie Portman and the Yeti also aren't really that surprising. Hell, at least the Yeti has a profession. His music really is kind of tolerable. Actresses and musicians are kind of like peanut butter and jelly. You just expect them to get together eventually.
Which brings us to Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple and my almost certainty that she is the breadwinner in that relationship while Ass Pimple does whatever it is faux-hawked buttmunches do. Whatever it is it doesn't include employment.
So with this in mind, being a useless twatwaffle while letting your wife pay all the bills is the pinnacle of douchebaggery, and must be recognized as such.
I will conclude by saying "fuckmonkey" again because it makes me giggle. Also because I'm still about nine years old emotionally.
Criss Angel, I'll admit, I've seen him do some things that were pretty impressive. I really think David Blaine is a bigger fuckmonkey. At least Criss Angel's tricks aren't pretentious cries for attention*. While Angel is major league douche, his pulling of minor league Playmate trim really isn't that surprising. It is in fact expected.
I like saying fuckmonkey.
Natalie Portman and the Yeti also aren't really that surprising. Hell, at least the Yeti has a profession. His music really is kind of tolerable. Actresses and musicians are kind of like peanut butter and jelly. You just expect them to get together eventually.
Which brings us to Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple and my almost certainty that she is the breadwinner in that relationship while Ass Pimple does whatever it is faux-hawked buttmunches do. Whatever it is it doesn't include employment.
So with this in mind, being a useless twatwaffle while letting your wife pay all the bills is the pinnacle of douchebaggery, and must be recognized as such.
I will conclude by saying "fuckmonkey" again because it makes me giggle. Also because I'm still about nine years old emotionally.
Has to be Spencer and Heidi for the bad influence they have on impressionable youth all over the country.
*I forgot to add that asterisk. I've been forced to watch Criss Angel dvds at a friends house and sometimes I have found myself wondering how he pulled things off. David Blaine's stunts are more boring and annoying. Really, spending six days suspended over London in a hamster ball is pretty stupid.
Okay now's a good time to quit posting.
Okay now's a good time to quit posting.
The Portman and the Yeti, because this coupling is, in many ways, a microcosm of everything this site stands for. And by "stands for," I mean "give up all hope, commit a fun but petty crime, land myself in prison, turn gay, and move to Chelsea."
On a related note, what is it with sumptuous ladies and musicians? I can sort of see it. But then I can't.
On an unrelated note, who the heckfire is "Criss Angel"?
And yes, I'm sort of proud I don't know.
On a related note, what is it with sumptuous ladies and musicians? I can sort of see it. But then I can't.
On an unrelated note, who the heckfire is "Criss Angel"?
And yes, I'm sort of proud I don't know.
criss angel. guy-liner, those ridiculous jeans and a raging inferno worth of hotts. no-one comes close.
# posted by : 4:51 PM
: 4:51 PM
I'd vote for Heidi and Spencer, but I still have no idea who either of them are, and why they should be celebrities. I vote for the emogician and whatever hot he's photographed with. They all create the "model sentenced to community service for drunk driving poses with a soup kitchen patron" vibe.
# posted by : 4:53 PM
: 4:53 PM
Criss Angel absolutely no contest. Just FYI, I work for a tabloid and he has, in fact, attracted some major celebrity hotts -- Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears and I'm pretty sure Carmen Electra. And come on. Look at him. He even spells his name like a douche.
# posted by : 5:09 PM
: 5:09 PM
Marissa Miller and whoever.
My reasoning? Yes, Spencer is a douche, but Heidi is by no means a 'hot' 'chick.'
Yes Natalie Portman is gorgeous, but just because her boyfriend is an indie kid with a walloping beard doesn't make him a douchebag.
And 'various hots' doesn't really count as a couple, does it?
My reasoning? Yes, Spencer is a douche, but Heidi is by no means a 'hot' 'chick.'
Yes Natalie Portman is gorgeous, but just because her boyfriend is an indie kid with a walloping beard doesn't make him a douchebag.
And 'various hots' doesn't really count as a couple, does it?
# posted by : 5:18 PM
: 5:18 PM
Gotta go with Piss Angel, That scrag hes got on his face looks like a gag from jackass, the one where they trick someone into glueing pube hair on his face.
Turdacious
Turdacious
# posted by : 5:26 PM
: 5:26 PM
DB1, can you have a topic called "Most worthy of a thrown shoe?"
As for this one, I go with #1
As for this one, I go with #1
# posted by : 5:26 PM
: 5:26 PM
Portman and the Yeti, hands down.
As an aside, there's no reason for Heidi Montag to ever be described as attractive unless she's being looked upon by a cadre of John Elway enthusiasts.
As an aside, there's no reason for Heidi Montag to ever be described as attractive unless she's being looked upon by a cadre of John Elway enthusiasts.
Gotta add, he just looks as if he smells like that surprise shit my mom makes for christmas "thats still siting on the table after all the present are opened and most of my aunts are passed out drunk" rotting for 1000 yrs in hell
Turdacious
Turdacious
# posted by : 5:33 PM
: 5:33 PM
I'm gonna go with Marissa and the Ass Pimple FTW. I can only imagine that this fucktard is hung like a mule in order for a hott of Marissa's caliber to even spit in his direction, much less MARRY him! He earns bonus points because nobody has a clue what his name is or what he does. His power of douche is indeed overwhelming.
# posted by : 5:37 PM
: 5:37 PM
I don't care who wins - so long as it isn't that pile of bile Spencer and his horrible whore. I wish the two of them would just go away, and by go away I mean die in a horrible wood chipper accident. That's kind of a harsh way for Heidi to go out. So maybe she should survive... but... no... she embodies all that that is wrong with America. Rude. Selfish. Vain. Stupid.
If I have to cast a vote - I go with Yeti.
If I have to cast a vote - I go with Yeti.
# posted by : 5:44 PM
: 5:44 PM
I can't look at that picture anymore, he looks like a impacted colon. Piss angel fuctard.
Turdacious
Turdacious
# posted by : 5:51 PM
: 5:51 PM
This category has to go to Criss Angel just based on the full body of work featured here. That and that fact that for a full 20 mins after witnessing the shear spectacle of his douchiness I want to smash anything that comes across my path. Luckily the Hottest Hott nominees are only a quick scroll down... AGHH now I am reminded of the psuedo child porn from the "get down on it" video. Damn you HCwDBs.
# posted by : 5:55 PM
: 5:55 PM
I'm voting for The Portman & the Yeti.
I can't believe people still defend The Yeti as nottadouche.
wannabe hipster = douche
hipster = douche.
Fact that he couldn't keep Natalie Portman, even bigger douche.
Which leads me to believe that marissa miller is a secret Bleeth, kept presentable by virtue of the hundreds of make-up artists with SI and victoria's secret.
And that's why the portman and the yeti are so wrong, so poo-rifically wrong. Natalie would never go to the Bleeth-side.
I can't believe people still defend The Yeti as nottadouche.
wannabe hipster = douche
hipster = douche.
Fact that he couldn't keep Natalie Portman, even bigger douche.
Which leads me to believe that marissa miller is a secret Bleeth, kept presentable by virtue of the hundreds of make-up artists with SI and victoria's secret.
And that's why the portman and the yeti are so wrong, so poo-rifically wrong. Natalie would never go to the Bleeth-side.
# posted by : 5:59 PM
: 5:59 PM
Spencer and Heidi deserve it based on the simple fact that they both promoted McCain*Palin.
# posted by : 6:02 PM
: 6:02 PM
I have no qualms with the Yeti. He is what he is. But the douche apocalypse that is Heidi and Spencer does not bode well for humanity. The fact that these two twits work for MTV (one of the primary espousers of douchery and douchehavior) seals it.
Heidi and Doucher FTW
Heidi and Doucher FTW
# posted by : 6:02 PM
: 6:02 PM
Ass Pimple.
This Spencer or whatever the hell his name is, he's just some random jackass. He's not even particularly scrotal, compared to Meyerbag or Poo Face.
And Poo Face would be a shoo-in, except you'd have had to pick a single hott, so, fail there.
The Yeti hatred is pure jealousy, which I dig, don't get me wrong. If you were doing Natalie, I'd have to murder you for your spot. No offense, DB1. But hipster scum are not douchebags (usually, I'm sure there are exceptions).
So, Ass Pimple. Although Marisa Miller is a pretty generic hott. Not that I wouldn't do her.
This Spencer or whatever the hell his name is, he's just some random jackass. He's not even particularly scrotal, compared to Meyerbag or Poo Face.
And Poo Face would be a shoo-in, except you'd have had to pick a single hott, so, fail there.
The Yeti hatred is pure jealousy, which I dig, don't get me wrong. If you were doing Natalie, I'd have to murder you for your spot. No offense, DB1. But hipster scum are not douchebags (usually, I'm sure there are exceptions).
So, Ass Pimple. Although Marisa Miller is a pretty generic hott. Not that I wouldn't do her.
# posted by : 6:03 PM
: 6:03 PM
I hate Heidi and Spencer too much to vote for anyone else. It should be known though that Marisa Miller and her ass pimple almost had my vote. That guy looks like an uber douche.
# posted by : 6:06 PM
: 6:06 PM
tough choice. although criss angel does look like someone literally turned him upside down in a toilet and took a shit on his neck and chin, i have to go with miller/ass pimple because of the fact that she actually married this clown.
# posted by : 6:08 PM
: 6:08 PM
Fuck'em all. Who cares. All that money and they behave like that. The horror...
# posted by : 6:14 PM
: 6:14 PM
While the Ass Pimple needs to be lanced, drained, and burnt off the succulent rump roast of Ms. Marissa Miller, only Criss Angel can spend so much time and money to make himself look so identical to a glittered-up turd. Criss "Poo Face" Angel for the win.
# posted by : 6:38 PM
: 6:38 PM
Natalie and the Yeti
No question
She's the nice, funny, smart girl, you know, the one who's always been nice to you and is more than willing to overlook all the times you've put your foot in your mouth just to preserve the friendship
The one who is able to spot all the hypocrisies in the world and laugh at them with you
Yet she is dating a shallow trend-douche...
The Yeti is in appearance and theory the anti-douche, but his demeanor and personality make him a massive, massive turd
No question
She's the nice, funny, smart girl, you know, the one who's always been nice to you and is more than willing to overlook all the times you've put your foot in your mouth just to preserve the friendship
The one who is able to spot all the hypocrisies in the world and laugh at them with you
Yet she is dating a shallow trend-douche...
The Yeti is in appearance and theory the anti-douche, but his demeanor and personality make him a massive, massive turd
# posted by : 6:41 PM
: 6:41 PM
Man, this is a tough one. This is the first category that I'm really gonna have to think about.
# posted by : 6:46 PM
: 6:46 PM
Marissa Miller; ultimate hott.
Cactus ass-pimple; ultimate poo.
Together, they win. and we all lose.
Cactus ass-pimple; ultimate poo.
Together, they win. and we all lose.
# posted by : 6:51 PM
: 6:51 PM
Spencer and Heidi, because the are the couple that will keep on giving. And by keep on giving I mean the doucheyness and the bleethiness right there next to every checkout counter, everywhere.
--VS
--VS
# posted by : 6:52 PM
: 6:52 PM
Btw, Spence is working on a douchetacular set of luuvvvvhandles while Heidi is going to be sporting an undeniably unredeemable-unretouchable set of turducken drumsticks in..... 11 months and 3 days, 6.32 hrs.
--VS
--VS
# posted by : 6:55 PM
: 6:55 PM
I have to vote for "The Ills". When I look at the other couples, I feel sorry for the hott. I mean, she's obviously getting the wool pulled on her, and she deserves so much better, right? Sure, she may have all the intelligence of a land crab, but surely we could rescue and possibly viola^H^H^H rehabilitate her, right?
Sure, Criss Angel is the epitome of douche, a walking clown balloon knot leaking fetid celebri-gas. But he can't comprehend the dualism that's required to be a couple. He's just a knob jockey with spectacular rented poon.
But those Hills tools, holy fucking tap dancing Christ, They just ooze "pair of douche" for life. They honestly deserve each other, in that it spares two other normal people from the lifetime of agony being attached to either one of these low functioning brain stem life support meat sacks would entail. They are like two co-orbiting black holes of cultural douchitude, forever locked together by their mutual damage and sucking in all life, energy, and soul from anyone or anything that gets too close to their whirling mutual dance of self involved annihilation.
Spencer and Heidi get my vote for celebrity douchebag couple, and I hope, no, I pray, to whatever misanthropic baby diddling deity cares to listen, that these two live very long lives after their alleged celebrity status crashes next year, and they spend their remaining decades doing an Eddie Munster deal blowing dogs for tourist's pocket change.
- Captain Bringdown
Sure, Criss Angel is the epitome of douche, a walking clown balloon knot leaking fetid celebri-gas. But he can't comprehend the dualism that's required to be a couple. He's just a knob jockey with spectacular rented poon.
But those Hills tools, holy fucking tap dancing Christ, They just ooze "pair of douche" for life. They honestly deserve each other, in that it spares two other normal people from the lifetime of agony being attached to either one of these low functioning brain stem life support meat sacks would entail. They are like two co-orbiting black holes of cultural douchitude, forever locked together by their mutual damage and sucking in all life, energy, and soul from anyone or anything that gets too close to their whirling mutual dance of self involved annihilation.
Spencer and Heidi get my vote for celebrity douchebag couple, and I hope, no, I pray, to whatever misanthropic baby diddling deity cares to listen, that these two live very long lives after their alleged celebrity status crashes next year, and they spend their remaining decades doing an Eddie Munster deal blowing dogs for tourist's pocket change.
- Captain Bringdown
# posted by : 6:56 PM
: 6:56 PM
I'm going with Portman and the Yeti. These other douches are going to age very, very badly, but Mr. Sensitive Beard Folk Singer Man will continue to pull tail above his social circle well into his 40s.
And for that, I kind of admire him.
And I saw Portman in Anne Frank in NY back when she was...15, 16? She can actually act. Too bad about that Star Wars thing.
And for that, I kind of admire him.
And I saw Portman in Anne Frank in NY back when she was...15, 16? She can actually act. Too bad about that Star Wars thing.
Criss Angel. Mos definitely. He is the steaming dog turd melting though snow on this frigid night.
Crissy FTW.
-Scroatian
Crissy FTW.
-Scroatian
# posted by : 7:23 PM
: 7:23 PM
Sorry, I checked the Aniston photos on GQ. Looks like someone put a spit shine on an old shoe.
Hot for 40? Sure. HOTT? Not anymore. Sorry, she's as tasty and spicy as library paste.
Hot for 40? Sure. HOTT? Not anymore. Sorry, she's as tasty and spicy as library paste.
Marissa Miller and the unmentionable FTW. The rage-inducing factor is through the roof. To see why, I pose the question that keeps any worthwhile 'bag hunter up at night: of all the guys out there, why the %#^& is she with HIM? All these fine ladies deserve better, but Marissa deserves the best. And this wankskeezy scrotejuice fartsquat is a scar on humanity's collective subconscious.
- Bilbo 'Bag-gins
- Bilbo 'Bag-gins
# posted by : 7:37 PM
: 7:37 PM
Miller is the hottest of the four, Ass Pimple the douchiest of the four, it's no contest here.
# posted by : 7:59 PM
: 7:59 PM
Joan Rivers once said if she found Yoko Ono floating in her pool, she'd beat the dog.
If Criss Angel tried some stupid floating trick the L.A. Zoo, they'd beat the elephant.
Criss Angel is a giant poop stain, and gets my vote.
If Criss Angel tried some stupid floating trick the L.A. Zoo, they'd beat the elephant.
Criss Angel is a giant poop stain, and gets my vote.
I haven't seen such disdain on a category as we have here with the Celebrity coupling.
I could possibly eliminate Portman's Yeti since they broke up. And on the other extreme, there's Criss Makes-Me-Cross Angel who couplets with numerous hotchicks in a serial manner of sorts (maybe several at once, who knows?
That leaves Heidi and Spencer who are dumb as a box of rocks, except she has a cute bod. And there is Marissa Miller and her HUSBAND the promoter Ass-Pimp. le.
Narrowing down a pick from each of MY two subcategories, Criss Angel(or Cross Devil)wins and Marissa and the Ass-Pimp win.
In a contest between them, Marissa isn't totally Bleethed yet, and she is nobly although questionably WHY, married to Ass-Pimp. He is so homely I can only conclude that Marissa was riding him bareback and buck-naked Lady Godiva-style for a modeling assignment and discovered he wasn't equine, but was very attracted to his donkey-dong. Nuff' said.
Cross-Devil is multi-times divorced or divvied from his partners (a Good Thing),perhaps as they reel from his stench. Indeed, his photos magically stink up the computer screens. The impossible becomes a reality. He is the first douche I can actually say I SMELL more than I see when I look at him. That is saying a helluva lot because his get-ups are as visually disturbing as druggies and drunks in the streets of the Bowery.
Therefore, I must say a dead-heat tie exisits between Ass-Pimple and Criss-Angel. Or Ass-Pus and Cross-Devil. Congratulations DB1 for confounding me with such shit.
Now I gotta go shower with the tried and true Dr Bromley's pure Peppermint-Castile soap just to remove the stink which has permeated my pores and hair.
I could possibly eliminate Portman's Yeti since they broke up. And on the other extreme, there's Criss Makes-Me-Cross Angel who couplets with numerous hotchicks in a serial manner of sorts (maybe several at once, who knows?
That leaves Heidi and Spencer who are dumb as a box of rocks, except she has a cute bod. And there is Marissa Miller and her HUSBAND the promoter Ass-Pimp. le.
Narrowing down a pick from each of MY two subcategories, Criss Angel(or Cross Devil)wins and Marissa and the Ass-Pimp win.
In a contest between them, Marissa isn't totally Bleethed yet, and she is nobly although questionably WHY, married to Ass-Pimp. He is so homely I can only conclude that Marissa was riding him bareback and buck-naked Lady Godiva-style for a modeling assignment and discovered he wasn't equine, but was very attracted to his donkey-dong. Nuff' said.
Cross-Devil is multi-times divorced or divvied from his partners (a Good Thing),perhaps as they reel from his stench. Indeed, his photos magically stink up the computer screens. The impossible becomes a reality. He is the first douche I can actually say I SMELL more than I see when I look at him. That is saying a helluva lot because his get-ups are as visually disturbing as druggies and drunks in the streets of the Bowery.
Therefore, I must say a dead-heat tie exisits between Ass-Pimple and Criss-Angel. Or Ass-Pus and Cross-Devil. Congratulations DB1 for confounding me with such shit.
Now I gotta go shower with the tried and true Dr Bromley's pure Peppermint-Castile soap just to remove the stink which has permeated my pores and hair.
# posted by : 8:19 PM
: 8:19 PM
Spencer and Heidi. As someone noted earlier, they are uberdouche. Yet worse, they corrupt our nation(and the world) by living out their worthless American lives on yet another "reality" TV program. If they were average bags, minding their business at Starbucks or Rehab, I would give them not a second sneer. But no, they must present the filth of their souls for all to see, and, courtesy of our planets sheepish consumer culture, emulation is inevitable.
John the Revelator foretold of the coming of Heidi and Spencer:
"For all the nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her[babylon's] fornication"
John the Revelator foretold of the coming of Heidi and Spencer:
"For all the nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her[babylon's] fornication"
# posted by : 8:30 PM
: 8:30 PM
Number 3!!!
She is immaculate perfection.. and he..he is the reason there is not peace in the wold..
He ruined my appetite.. today these cheerios are meeting there fate in the sink.
LS
She is immaculate perfection.. and he..he is the reason there is not peace in the wold..
He ruined my appetite.. today these cheerios are meeting there fate in the sink.
LS
# posted by : 8:33 PM
: 8:33 PM
Marisa and the Ass Pimple. Because I want to pop him. And I wish I could pop her, but let's get real.
# posted by : 8:36 PM
: 8:36 PM
I have voted above, but after a hot chocolate and a contemplative shower, I must suggest an additional (Dis)honorable mention to Anne Hathaway and Raffaello Follieri. I mean, talk about a hot chick with a complete douchebag...
At least she pulled a Natalie Portman and ditched the catbutt. Sure, he didn't have the douchecoutrements we like to see, but he was arrested and sued by the Pittsburgh Penguins. Loser.
At least she pulled a Natalie Portman and ditched the catbutt. Sure, he didn't have the douchecoutrements we like to see, but he was arrested and sued by the Pittsburgh Penguins. Loser.
# posted by : 8:48 PM
: 8:48 PM
Portman and the Yeti, because I never would have noticed any of the other couples if DB1 didn't point them out ON THIS VERY BLOG.
There is just no one that does douche like Spencer. Therefore, my vote goes to Spencer and Heidi. Yuck.
# posted by : 8:53 PM
: 8:53 PM
FYI: Ass Pimple is a douche named Griffin Guess, who is basically a nobody.
From an online bio:
Attaching himself personally to each and every project at hand, Griffin has collaborated on major media projects with almost every top artist. Griffin has driven success for artists such as Kanye West, R.Kelly, Busta Rhymes, Good Charlotte, Weezer, Andre 3000, Eminem, Metallica, Velvet Revolver, 50 Cent, Matisyahu and many more. He continues to bring light to the ever-evolving industry and keeps his passion directed toward the art of music, creative directing and producing.
And of course he also manages his wife, Mrs Miller. And if you remember "Mrs Miller", you realise I just made a funny.
Basically, he's a music industry parasite. Part of the Problem, not the Solution.
From an online bio:
Attaching himself personally to each and every project at hand, Griffin has collaborated on major media projects with almost every top artist. Griffin has driven success for artists such as Kanye West, R.Kelly, Busta Rhymes, Good Charlotte, Weezer, Andre 3000, Eminem, Metallica, Velvet Revolver, 50 Cent, Matisyahu and many more. He continues to bring light to the ever-evolving industry and keeps his passion directed toward the art of music, creative directing and producing.
And of course he also manages his wife, Mrs Miller. And if you remember "Mrs Miller", you realise I just made a funny.
Basically, he's a music industry parasite. Part of the Problem, not the Solution.
# posted by : 9:10 PM
: 9:10 PM
Um, Criss Angel is poo. And he bleeths every hott he's with.
Angel in a landslide. Not even close.
Angel in a landslide. Not even close.
# posted by : 9:11 PM
: 9:11 PM
DB1,
Your hatred for Criss Angel goes back almost as far as Mayerbag. After seeing that pic, I see why now.
Criss Angel and random hotts FTW.
Your hatred for Criss Angel goes back almost as far as Mayerbag. After seeing that pic, I see why now.
Criss Angel and random hotts FTW.
# posted by : 9:22 PM
: 9:22 PM
Criss Angel - not only is he repulsive to look at, he has an ego bigger than an iceberg. What makes this a greater tragedy is that the lady with him is stunning.
Marissa Miller and what-the-fug come in second, by virtue of 'bag + bleeth. Never has a double mercy killing been more warranted.
Third place goes to speidi, the conjoined twins who are 'bags and fame whores.
In last place comes Natalie and Yeti, who strikes me as more of an arty wanker than a 'bag. Plus, Natalie's greatness makes any man standing near her look inferior - 'bag or not.
Marissa Miller and what-the-fug come in second, by virtue of 'bag + bleeth. Never has a double mercy killing been more warranted.
Third place goes to speidi, the conjoined twins who are 'bags and fame whores.
In last place comes Natalie and Yeti, who strikes me as more of an arty wanker than a 'bag. Plus, Natalie's greatness makes any man standing near her look inferior - 'bag or not.
We'll start out by removing Spencer and Heidi. They're a combo of douche that cannot be healed. (In 20 years, "Spencer" and "Heidi" will have replaced "Grieco" and "Bleethed" for douche standards).
And Criss Angel is a douche and he gets plenty of hotts, but none of them reach the level of the next too.
So it's down to Ass Pimple being around Marissa "All American Hott" Miller or The Yeti who somehow managed to land Natalie Portman.
I'll go with Ass Pimple. He actually managed to trick Marissa Miller into marrying him! What level of Force-douchiness must he possess to convince someone who goes on the wall of Most American things along with apple pie, mom and football.
Ass Pimple. Take your crown. Let her go!
And Criss Angel is a douche and he gets plenty of hotts, but none of them reach the level of the next too.
So it's down to Ass Pimple being around Marissa "All American Hott" Miller or The Yeti who somehow managed to land Natalie Portman.
I'll go with Ass Pimple. He actually managed to trick Marissa Miller into marrying him! What level of Force-douchiness must he possess to convince someone who goes on the wall of Most American things along with apple pie, mom and football.
Ass Pimple. Take your crown. Let her go!
# posted by : 9:45 PM
: 9:45 PM
Omigod, that Carmen Electra celebrity ringy-dingybat is on Craig Ferguson right now...she's a celebrity douchette with whatever douchebag you'd wish to attach her to. Hmmm, sloppy seconds?
How apropos that she should Bleeth up our TV screens as we are douched on our computer screens at this simultaneous simulcram.
Her role is to remind us of all the douchebags past, like the Ghost of Christmas past, that she has hooked up with. Rodman is the most memorable for me...who then reminds me of the ultimate skank of all douchery, Madonna.
It's a never-ending story.
How apropos that she should Bleeth up our TV screens as we are douched on our computer screens at this simultaneous simulcram.
Her role is to remind us of all the douchebags past, like the Ghost of Christmas past, that she has hooked up with. Rodman is the most memorable for me...who then reminds me of the ultimate skank of all douchery, Madonna.
It's a never-ending story.
# posted by : 10:26 PM
: 10:26 PM
nothing threatens our civilization more than the spencer / heidi combo. i mean, honestly, are the other three couple still together at the time of this posting? who knows.
spenser and heidi? yep, they're still together. promoting the douche and bleeth virus to their mtv minions (which, to many of us here, will soon be our children).
for all we know, they are now laying the groundwork for the next grand republican presidential campaign by praying to effigies of newt gingrich and elizabeth hasselbeck... oh, i would soooo bone elizabeth.
spenser and heidi ftw! if we're, you know, voting based on the combined douchiness of the couple and all.
spenser and heidi? yep, they're still together. promoting the douche and bleeth virus to their mtv minions (which, to many of us here, will soon be our children).
for all we know, they are now laying the groundwork for the next grand republican presidential campaign by praying to effigies of newt gingrich and elizabeth hasselbeck... oh, i would soooo bone elizabeth.
spenser and heidi ftw! if we're, you know, voting based on the combined douchiness of the couple and all.
# posted by : 10:26 PM
: 10:26 PM
DB1, I can only assume you haven't seen Anniston's GQ cover, and thus speak from ignorance...Mayerbag should *definitely* be at the head of this list. In his (regrettable) absence, I'm going to have to go w/ Angel-Poo. So far, I've yet to see him do anything (I don't watch TV), and hopefully, that little fact is going to manage to keep me from having a massive hemorrhagic stroke which shuts down the entire arcuate fasciculus while simultaneously aspirating my own blood from an explosively ruptured stomach lining. The man's appearance, however...Dear God in Heaven....
# posted by : 10:29 PM
: 10:29 PM
At the risk of creating a prolix manuscript of everything that is wrong about 1 through 4 let me just state that the etiology discussed ad naseum here is couples. True Greico/Bleeth pairings.
Criss Angel is worthy of scorn and by scorn I mean a slow midevil torture-death, but he has no constant woman. He's a playah (jeezus did I just say that?) that uses his psuedo-fame to score. Wouldn't any male of notoriety do the same?
This leaves Heidi/Spencer and the inexplicable Miller family.
Spencer lacks the hard core charisma of the original DB, Richard Greico and Heidi has no acting credits therefore we can assume they are equally talentless. This is a big plus in their column.
However, the fact that Miller is a highly touted model and a huge success puts her in the Upper Bleeth Echelon. Lord knows it's hard to look at her now with the same lust felt Feb 13, 2008 as she adorned Sports Illustrated in little but a bikini bottom.
Her sidekick/tool/leech/stinking diarrhea chili fart douchebag husband is an unbearable man/boy with virtually no skills other than the ability to score a world class model.
I hope they both accidentally off each other in a dual Erotic-Asphyxiation incident wherein the authorities find them , snap dozens of photos that hit the 'net instantly and cause douchebags everywhere to toss away their mandanas, hair gel, supermarket colognes and get their tattoos painfully removed with lasers and sharp surgical equipment during a period of pandemic anesthesia shortages.
Marissa Miller and Douchepimple get my vote. Begrudgingly
Criss Angel is worthy of scorn and by scorn I mean a slow midevil torture-death, but he has no constant woman. He's a playah (jeezus did I just say that?) that uses his psuedo-fame to score. Wouldn't any male of notoriety do the same?
This leaves Heidi/Spencer and the inexplicable Miller family.
Spencer lacks the hard core charisma of the original DB, Richard Greico and Heidi has no acting credits therefore we can assume they are equally talentless. This is a big plus in their column.
However, the fact that Miller is a highly touted model and a huge success puts her in the Upper Bleeth Echelon. Lord knows it's hard to look at her now with the same lust felt Feb 13, 2008 as she adorned Sports Illustrated in little but a bikini bottom.
Her sidekick/tool/leech/stinking diarrhea chili fart douchebag husband is an unbearable man/boy with virtually no skills other than the ability to score a world class model.
I hope they both accidentally off each other in a dual Erotic-Asphyxiation incident wherein the authorities find them , snap dozens of photos that hit the 'net instantly and cause douchebags everywhere to toss away their mandanas, hair gel, supermarket colognes and get their tattoos painfully removed with lasers and sharp surgical equipment during a period of pandemic anesthesia shortages.
Marissa Miller and Douchepimple get my vote. Begrudgingly
I don't even know who 3/4 of these people are and I take pride in that fact.
That said, I vote Criss for perfecting that annoying quasi-neglected/boho look, plus his hott is pretty wholesome. I've never heard of this fuck, but he looks like Kirk Windstein (that bald dude in the middle) from Crowbar, and has spoiled them for me now. Hope those black rings are a sign of liver failure.
That said, I vote Criss for perfecting that annoying quasi-neglected/boho look, plus his hott is pretty wholesome. I've never heard of this fuck, but he looks like Kirk Windstein (that bald dude in the middle) from Crowbar, and has spoiled them for me now. Hope those black rings are a sign of liver failure.
DB1 I hope you read this and take it to fucking heart.
Not only are you wise beyond your years but you are great at what you do...
That being said... You are fucking wrong on so many fucking levels about the hottness of the Aniston.
Please do not take away some of the Hottness that is the Aniston purely because she decides to lay with the Mayerbag... F the Mayerbag.
She is fucking 40. And if you havent seen her latest photo shoot DB1 you are missing out.
Find me another 40 year old that looks like that and I will show you the carcass of the fucking Loch Ness Monster.
Keep on keepin' on DB1.
May you live in infamy.
Not only are you wise beyond your years but you are great at what you do...
That being said... You are fucking wrong on so many fucking levels about the hottness of the Aniston.
Please do not take away some of the Hottness that is the Aniston purely because she decides to lay with the Mayerbag... F the Mayerbag.
She is fucking 40. And if you havent seen her latest photo shoot DB1 you are missing out.
Find me another 40 year old that looks like that and I will show you the carcass of the fucking Loch Ness Monster.
Keep on keepin' on DB1.
May you live in infamy.
Criss Angel because he is like taking a bite out of a slice of angel food cakes someone cracked a half gallon cabbage fart onto and then kissed with their hot asshole.
Chis Angel all the way. A celebrity douche is far more appropriate than some poor celeb hott that made a bad life choice (like one too many rhinoplasties). That's just sad, yet still entertaining on its own level.
Chris Poo is an amazing illusionist, and I'm not talking about his career. He has the amazing ability to ensnare hoards of young hotties, even though he looks like the hairball hacked up by a black long-haired minx, that was lapped up and re-harfed all over a linoleum floor by a very old German Shepard suffering from kidney failure.
Ryan Seacrest is another good candidate, though "Hotts" don't really enter into that equation, and that's almost (almost) 50% of the prerequisites to appear in HCwDB. Maybe a spin off blog should be created just do deal with this phenomenon. hotpuppieswithdouchebags.com?
Chris Poo is an amazing illusionist, and I'm not talking about his career. He has the amazing ability to ensnare hoards of young hotties, even though he looks like the hairball hacked up by a black long-haired minx, that was lapped up and re-harfed all over a linoleum floor by a very old German Shepard suffering from kidney failure.
Ryan Seacrest is another good candidate, though "Hotts" don't really enter into that equation, and that's almost (almost) 50% of the prerequisites to appear in HCwDB. Maybe a spin off blog should be created just do deal with this phenomenon. hotpuppieswithdouchebags.com?
# posted by : 1:09 AM
: 1:09 AM
Gotta go with Spencer and Heidi. Why? All the others seem to have some sort of talent. Criss Angel is a huge douche, but at least he can mystify me with magic. Ass Pimple is a photographer (you have to have a little skill to do that - sort of) The Yeti is a musician - supposedly. Who the fuck has heard any of his music? Heidi & Spencer are just two California fucks with the affliction of needing to be famous. The need to be famous has to be the most significant douche signifier out there today.
Heidi & Spencer for the Douchie!
Heidi & Spencer for the Douchie!
# posted by : 2:23 AM
: 2:23 AM
natalie portman is terrible too. Just cause she's hot does not excuse her from the terrible wound she has gashed on the silver screen. Name a good movie that she has been in. The professional does not count, she could have been a prop. Garden state? Star Wars? You got nothing. Compared to other hollywood douchegirls she's not even that hot.
@isaac i liked v for vendetta. and closer, where she plays that stripper. and cold mountain. but that's about it.
Number #1 FTW
The hotty/celebrity vs Douchebag/Nobody ratio is too much to ingnore
The hotty/celebrity vs Douchebag/Nobody ratio is too much to ingnore
# posted by : 3:35 AM
: 3:35 AM
I have to go with Chris Angel. Every time I see him want to trash can his face to save the world from his douche-tasticness.
Marissa and the Choad.
First of all, what the hell is she thinking? She married this load of dogshit? You want to kidnap her and tongue her back to reality.
That crowns her the winner.
Heidi is fake and Spencer is too. Neither add up to a 1 on the yawn scale.
Portman and Chewbacca are just embarrassing. She's not that hot anymore and he's just pathetic.
Lastly, Crissy Angel is something I scraped off my shoe. I'd ignore him if he didn't leave a stink on my carpet.
First of all, what the hell is she thinking? She married this load of dogshit? You want to kidnap her and tongue her back to reality.
That crowns her the winner.
Heidi is fake and Spencer is too. Neither add up to a 1 on the yawn scale.
Portman and Chewbacca are just embarrassing. She's not that hot anymore and he's just pathetic.
Lastly, Crissy Angel is something I scraped off my shoe. I'd ignore him if he didn't leave a stink on my carpet.
# posted by : 4:13 AM
: 4:13 AM
It's Poo Face. So douchy that water won't even allow his scrote taint to sink in it, he has the scabies reek of the hyper-over-compensating nerd douche.
# posted by : 4:29 AM
: 4:29 AM
#2 because "The Hills" adequately describes what I love about her, and by "The Hills" I mean her love hills.
# posted by : 5:17 AM
: 5:17 AM
hard choice, man. spencer and heidi are out because, although she's hot, she's just as much of a douchey fame whore as he is. portman is gorgeous, classy and a real lady and the fact that she was with that greasy, tight pants hippie made me blindingly angry. but i am going to have to vote for criss angel and assorted hotts. he looks like a dirty homeless man and i am convinced that he must be using some magic on these women to trick them into finding him remotely attractive. because he is a real troll. and doesn't deserve that playboy model he's engaged to. yuck. criss angel ftw.
# posted by : 5:36 AM
: 5:36 AM
number 2 the best appelation for a pairing of people who i know..without seeking nor appreciating the info...in fact i really know nothing but i feel like i know everything
# posted by : 5:49 AM
: 5:49 AM
Heidi and Spencer as they are television personalities that will spawn more douche.
The first pic of Portman and the Yeti was much worse than that one. The Yeti's name is Devendra Banhart and he has a song called "Carmensita" that has Natalie Portman in it. I sort of gained respect for him after seeing that video. He is making music that doesn't even make an attempt at mass-appeal and I find that refreshing.
The first pic of Portman and the Yeti was much worse than that one. The Yeti's name is Devendra Banhart and he has a song called "Carmensita" that has Natalie Portman in it. I sort of gained respect for him after seeing that video. He is making music that doesn't even make an attempt at mass-appeal and I find that refreshing.
# posted by : 5:54 AM
: 5:54 AM
This is Clearly Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple
Doesn't everyone know the minute you get someone else tattooed on yourself you've set the timer on the relationship?
Doesn't everyone know the minute you get someone else tattooed on yourself you've set the timer on the relationship?
DO NOT GIVE IT TO SPENCER AND HEIDI, THEY WILL PROBABLY BE HAPPY JUST TO BE RECOGNIZED, LIKE ALL THEIR OTHER DUMBASS PUBLICITY STUNTS!
ANGEL GETS MY VOTE, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD MAKE HIM DOUCHEAPPEAR.
ANGEL GETS MY VOTE, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD MAKE HIM DOUCHEAPPEAR.
# posted by : 6:27 AM
: 6:27 AM
@Jason
With all due respect to your opinion of Aniston, I must jump in and defend DB1.
Yes, I've seen the GQ spread. Aniston is photoshopped within an inch of her life. That's not that unusual--there aren't many celeb photos that aren't photoshopped. That said, however, those pics can be a fine addition to a spank bank, as long as one is able to keep all thoughts of reality out of one's head.
The facts: Aniston posed nude for GQ and then gave an interview where she apparently had nothing to talk about other than Brad and Angelina. AGAIN. Aniston does not have a single thought in her empty, empty head, and the fact that she continues to bitch and mewl about this just confirms the pathetic emptiness of her life.
Would I hit it? Yeah, probably, assuming she can be detoxed after Mayerbag. But you could switch the real Aniston with a Real Doll halfway through, and I probably wouldn't even notice. Except the Doll would be a better conversationalist.
With all due respect to your opinion of Aniston, I must jump in and defend DB1.
Yes, I've seen the GQ spread. Aniston is photoshopped within an inch of her life. That's not that unusual--there aren't many celeb photos that aren't photoshopped. That said, however, those pics can be a fine addition to a spank bank, as long as one is able to keep all thoughts of reality out of one's head.
The facts: Aniston posed nude for GQ and then gave an interview where she apparently had nothing to talk about other than Brad and Angelina. AGAIN. Aniston does not have a single thought in her empty, empty head, and the fact that she continues to bitch and mewl about this just confirms the pathetic emptiness of her life.
Would I hit it? Yeah, probably, assuming she can be detoxed after Mayerbag. But you could switch the real Aniston with a Real Doll halfway through, and I probably wouldn't even notice. Except the Doll would be a better conversationalist.
@mr white i dont know about you but i would pay a large sum of money to witness the day that mayerbag and jay louis meet. methinks it will be like a great clash of titans. like a superhero finally coming face to face with his arch nemesis. mayer high on pot and armed with his guitar, and jay drunk off night train and armed with a broken blood orange soda bottle.
The wand waver. Have you seen the start of his show?
I'm still regularly travelling to see a gypsy "healer" in the black forests of Romania to try and erase those memories.
But the Douche is too strong in this one.
I'm still regularly travelling to see a gypsy "healer" in the black forests of Romania to try and erase those memories.
But the Douche is too strong in this one.
# posted by : 7:01 AM
: 7:01 AM
Chris Angel FTW but only narrowly edging out Spencer FleshBeard because (1) Angel's Hotts are Hotter (see, Holly Madison) and (2) there's nothing doucheery than a magician.
# posted by : 7:14 AM
: 7:14 AM
Spencer and heidi. Both will be doing low budget porn after this little run of fame ends. Guarantee
# posted by : 7:22 AM
: 7:22 AM
Yeti!
I hate douches who can almost pass as not being scrotes, but ''alternative''...
I hate douches who can almost pass as not being scrotes, but ''alternative''...
# posted by : 7:28 AM
: 7:28 AM
#1, they're actually married, and I can't knock that. As much as I'd like to.
#2 I have an ignore them policy-- who????
#4 They're both Israeli, so that means that they both know Krav Maga and the proper care and use of various firearms. Plus, he likes Broadway. Can't hate on my people. Oh, and here are 44 more reasons ot support Israel:
http://coedmagazine.com/Daily/37190/
Which leaves #3. Poo Angel FTW
#2 I have an ignore them policy-- who????
#4 They're both Israeli, so that means that they both know Krav Maga and the proper care and use of various firearms. Plus, he likes Broadway. Can't hate on my people. Oh, and here are 44 more reasons ot support Israel:
http://coedmagazine.com/Daily/37190/
Which leaves #3. Poo Angel FTW
Marissa Miller is by far the hottest woman of the four. She makes me wish she was my sister/1st cousin and we were Hillbillies living in the Mountains of Tennesse.
That piece of clownshit she is with sucks, he just sucks. I would feel sorry with him if he wasnt with my fantasy sister/1st cousin.
He is going to feel really stupid when she dumps him in 6 months and he is stuck with that tatoo. It makes me wish that the monster from the movie Predator was real, so that guy could be dropped off in the south american jungle with a BB gun, be hunted relentlessly for 3-4 days, then get the crap beat out of him in a supernatural fist fight before he is skinned alive. Its the skinning alive part I like, he would look much better as "Inside Out Man" instead of Mister Weasel Splooge.
That piece of clownshit she is with sucks, he just sucks. I would feel sorry with him if he wasnt with my fantasy sister/1st cousin.
He is going to feel really stupid when she dumps him in 6 months and he is stuck with that tatoo. It makes me wish that the monster from the movie Predator was real, so that guy could be dropped off in the south american jungle with a BB gun, be hunted relentlessly for 3-4 days, then get the crap beat out of him in a supernatural fist fight before he is skinned alive. Its the skinning alive part I like, he would look much better as "Inside Out Man" instead of Mister Weasel Splooge.
# posted by : 7:41 AM
: 7:41 AM
what happened to the good ole days when magicians weren't automatically douchey, like David Copperfield and Claudia Shiffer?
Oh wait, he is kind of a douche who claimed to find the fountain of youth and raped some girl . . . either way, Criss Angel, for having a douchily misspelled and gay name, and for defining the very term, douche.
Oh wait, he is kind of a douche who claimed to find the fountain of youth and raped some girl . . . either way, Criss Angel, for having a douchily misspelled and gay name, and for defining the very term, douche.
# posted by : 7:44 AM
: 7:44 AM
@bcs
If it happens, I will be there, lurking in the shadows, throwing out more knives, swords, and other stabbing weapons as DB1 needs them, my ears stuffed with wax so I don't have to listen to Mayerbag's watered-down poser blues.
And Medusa will also be there, gently, then firmly spanking me. Right?
If it happens, I will be there, lurking in the shadows, throwing out more knives, swords, and other stabbing weapons as DB1 needs them, my ears stuffed with wax so I don't have to listen to Mayerbag's watered-down poser blues.
And Medusa will also be there, gently, then firmly spanking me. Right?
Not close. Angel. He contaminates with severe bleethe every living female in proximity. Those poor tigers from Siegfried and Roy had to be put down after coming close to him.
# posted by : 8:03 AM
: 8:03 AM
Has to be the turd Chris Angel. Not only is he a human bowel movement, but he spreads douchery by making it seem cool to the imprudent masses.
He should be harpooned in the face.
CA FTW
AV
He should be harpooned in the face.
CA FTW
AV
# posted by : 8:03 AM
: 8:03 AM
I'll say Marissa and dude only cuz i dont want Heidi and Spencer getting any more attention, even if it's mockery.
Army of DOuche-ness
Army of DOuche-ness
# posted by : 8:26 AM
: 8:26 AM
I'll say Marissa and dude only cuz i dont want Heidi and Spencer getting any more attention, even if it's mockery.
Army of DOuche-ness
Army of DOuche-ness
# posted by : 8:26 AM
: 8:26 AM
Folks, it's called HCwDB -- you need to have BOTH the hott and the douche. Which is why, much as Angel gives me anal warts, he can't win. Solo Celeb, he gets lifetime achievement award.
Who is the ultimate hott with the ultimate douche? No question -- Marissa and Ass Pimple. Look at him. She is a SI Swimsuit model. Ass Pimple hits dat. Think about it, let it roil in your mind. And then try to get some sleep.
On the other hand, I don't believe Ass Pimple is any more than a beard. If he had actually had sex with her, it would destroy the time-space continuum and end life as we now know it.
Or maybe I need to believe that to sleep at night.
Ass Pimple FTW
-- Choad the Wet Sprocket
Who is the ultimate hott with the ultimate douche? No question -- Marissa and Ass Pimple. Look at him. She is a SI Swimsuit model. Ass Pimple hits dat. Think about it, let it roil in your mind. And then try to get some sleep.
On the other hand, I don't believe Ass Pimple is any more than a beard. If he had actually had sex with her, it would destroy the time-space continuum and end life as we now know it.
Or maybe I need to believe that to sleep at night.
Ass Pimple FTW
-- Choad the Wet Sprocket
# posted by : 8:27 AM
: 8:27 AM
I have to give it to the Marissa Ass Pimple - I want to throw a garbage can at them both
# posted by : 8:34 AM
: 8:34 AM
Criss Angel is clearly the douchiest. Marissa Miller is clearly the Angel of the Sun. The presence of the Ass Pimple creates the great conundrum. I really, really don't get it. How can the Angel of the Sun be with Ass Pimple? How, I say! How!!?
Since this site is really about the conundrum of the coupling of sun goddesses with shitstains, gotta go with Marissa and Ass Pimple.
Since this site is really about the conundrum of the coupling of sun goddesses with shitstains, gotta go with Marissa and Ass Pimple.
While each category in the Douchies offers its own unique metaphysical conundrum, none may be more difficult than those posed by the celebrity couple. Is it more significant that the Hott is a celebrity (options 1 and 4) or the choad (option 3) or that the couple are celebrities just for being douchey (option 2)?
Each of these subcategories could have had an award of its own, imo, but the wisdom of DB1 prevails, and in prevailing it becomes obvious that the term is Hot chicks with douchebags, so my default tiebreaker is the Hott.
Marisa, my vote goes to you and your wanker husband, a lucky lucky douchebag.
MM and AP FTW!
Each of these subcategories could have had an award of its own, imo, but the wisdom of DB1 prevails, and in prevailing it becomes obvious that the term is Hot chicks with douchebags, so my default tiebreaker is the Hott.
Marisa, my vote goes to you and your wanker husband, a lucky lucky douchebag.
MM and AP FTW!
Chris Angel, not only is his FUGLY quotient so far off the charts as to disprove the world is round, he's got a girls name but looks like Earl the homeless guy who lives under a bridge near my loft, Chris may lack the permanent urine stain on his pants but I bet Earl still smells better.
Marissa Miller and the Ass Pimple.
I don't give a shit who #2 is, so they can just fall off the face of the earth.
Criss Angel...I hate him. But he's always with some random hot who probably just likes him for the money. Not my kind of girl anyway. Nary is it a celebrity though.
Portman and the Yeti. I love Natalie Portman. I would buy a thousand kittens and stuff them into a pillow case so her head could rest upon the most adorable and comfortable pillow known while I recite Anal Cunt's "Picnic of Love" to her for several days. But they broke up so fuck the Yeti.
I wanted Avery and Cuthbert, or whatever the name is of the new girl he's with, but since I can't vote for him. Marissa Miller. They just look wrong together.
I don't give a shit who #2 is, so they can just fall off the face of the earth.
Criss Angel...I hate him. But he's always with some random hot who probably just likes him for the money. Not my kind of girl anyway. Nary is it a celebrity though.
Portman and the Yeti. I love Natalie Portman. I would buy a thousand kittens and stuff them into a pillow case so her head could rest upon the most adorable and comfortable pillow known while I recite Anal Cunt's "Picnic of Love" to her for several days. But they broke up so fuck the Yeti.
I wanted Avery and Cuthbert, or whatever the name is of the new girl he's with, but since I can't vote for him. Marissa Miller. They just look wrong together.
o my god is this really a competition? Spencer and Heidi FTW...the fact that these 2 douchebags are in the celeb category is douchey enough...They got famous off of someone else and somehow people are obsessed with this hairy faced scrotum and his semi-hot blonde girlfriend who wouldnt ever be famous and would have maybe been another random on this site from some club website...Spencer and Heidi FTW
yeah its gotta be miller and pimple...she is by far the hottest hott and he is horrible. I know she would love me if she just gave me a chance.
my heart says marissa miller, because she should know better, but criss angel has been lobbying for this award for at least a year. to deny him would be a shame.
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# posted by : 9:25 AM
: 9:25 AM << Home
